Crocker - President Elect

Discussion in 'The Writing Gallery' started by enviousdominous, Nov 16, 2016.

  1. enviousdominous

    enviousdominous Behold my diction

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    Enviousdominous stands in the queue of a Walmart express checkout aisle, impatiently waiting as he is the second person in line behind a very rude customer who bickers over coupons and item weight.

    ED: THE SIGN SAYS 15 ITEMS OR LESS ASSHOLE!

    The person in the front of the line turns around to reveal himself as Donald J. Trump.

    DT: I'm not an asshole, you're an asshole.

    ED: SHUT UP DONALD TRUMP! IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT I HAVE TO WAIT A LONG TIME TO EAT MY HUNGRYMAN TV DINNERS!

    DT: I'm the President, I don't have to shut up.

    ED: I'M SURPRISED THAT YOU CAN EVEN TALK WITH MIKE PENCE'S...

    Suddenly Enviousdominous is rudely interrupted by the person working the checkout, Crocker.

    Crocker: Please don't shout, this is a family mega-store.

    ED: HOLY SHNICKES!

    DT: I know, right? What the hell is Crocker doing here.

    Crocker: I'm...

    ED: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?

    Crocker: The economy tanked, alright. We all have to do our part to...

    DT: BORING!

    ED: HA! High five bud!

    Donald Trump and Enviousdominous have an epic high five, which causes a pendant to fall from outside of Enviousdominous' sweater-vest.

    DT: What's up with that stupid pendant?

    ED: It holds my constipation meds, and it's a time machine.

    DT: That's what I forgot! Constipation meds. I'll just buy yours.

    Donald Trump rips the pendant from Enviousdominous' neck.

    ED: NO! YOU FOOL!

    Donald Trump and Enviousdominous find themselves sitting at a booth in a Panda Express.

    DT: Why are we in a Panda Express?

    ED: We're in limbo you dolt.

    DT: Oh, I hate limbo. My hair keeps hitting the bar.

    ED: We stopped existing you pusillanimous pussyfooter! I hadn't worked out the kink in my time machine that causes a temporal paradox, we only went five seconds back in time. Basically, we forced ourselves into a parallel universe where we never existed in the first place.

    DT: So this is only temporary then?

    ED: I hate you.

    The Crocker brand TV on the wall has its volume turned up by an employee named Crocker, displayed is an urgent broadcast of the Crocker news network.

    Broadcaster: This is Crocker Crocker on the scene at the Crocker house in our nation's capitol of Crocker, where President Crocker is about to take his historic oath of office.

    DT: This gives me an idea. Look out Crocker!

    Several employees of the Panda Express are startled and drop the various items they were carrying.

    Donald Trump and Enviousdominous laugh and savor their quality time.
     
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