*Steamboat Ricky and Polly are drifting down a London street at around midnight. The two are enjoying a nice little stroll.*
Yarrrrrrrrrrr! This be London! Land of where Captain Hook came and stole the kiddies out of Aunt Wendy's upper window!
Brrrrrrack! Give em the hook! Give em the hook! Brrrrack!
Yarrrrr...so, Polly, we best be familiarizing ourselves with London if we be having a London Street Fight with Mr. Sam. We need to be digging up all the advantages, ARRRRR!
Brrrrrrrack! It's not actually in London. In the arena. Brrrrrrack!
Yarrrrrr! It matters not, Polly!
*Immediately, Steamboat sees a British Royal Guard in the distance.*
Yarrrrrr! It be one of those immovable soldiers, Polly! I propose that we shiver his timbers!
Brrrrack! Ill poop on him! #2! Brrrrack!
*Steamboat Ricky and Polly skip (and fly) down the lane to where the guardsman is posted, and they immediately begin to mess with him
.literally. Polly proceeds to defecate on his huge black hat, whereas Steamboat slowly and meticulously stains his red coat with his non-alcoholic grog.*
Yarrrrrrr! It be taking his mother a long time to be cleaning his jacket and britches, matey!
Brrrrrack! Oxy Clean! Tide with bleach! Brrrrack!
*Just as the two seamen prepared to leave, it came time for the changing of the guard. However, the guard that came to replace the defiled soldier was not dressed in traditional British Royal Guard attire. Rather, he was dressed in a long red robe with a red mask
an Imperial Royal Guard from Star Wars.*
Yarrrrrrr! Polly! I never be likin those scary red lubbers from Return of the Jedi. What you say we take him out?
Brrrrrack! Use the Force! (Wookie noise)! Brrrrack!
*Thus, Steamboat and Polly attack the scary red lubber from Return of the Jedi, showing no mercy to the Emporers evil henchman. There just happened to be quite a few weapons and Spanish Announce-Tables near his post, so Ricky used them all to his advantage. He hit him with a chair, kicked him in the groin, poked him with the guards long poker thing, and gave him the Deck Swabber through the interestingly placed Spanish Announce-Table.*
Yarrrrr! That be a good tune up for Mr. Sam! And it was a street fight! In London! Yarrrrrhardyharharharyarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
*To celebrate, Steamboat and Polly went to the nearest tavern to down some delicious non-alcoholic grog. To their surprise, inside the tavern they saw four young hobbits: Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee, Meriadoc Brandybuck, and Peregrin Took. Actually, it was just Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, Dominic Monaghan, and Billy Boyd in costume and character.*
Were friends of Gandalf the Grey! Has he arrived yet?
*The bartender looks at the hobbits as if they are morons.*
Look, kids. I dont know how you got in here, but you are clearly underage.
Yarrrrrrrr! Matey! Be giving them some of my signature OGrogs. No alcohol, on me!
Ah. Thank you kindly, sir. This is Frodo, Merry, Pippin, and my name is Sam.
Yarrrrr! Sam?!
*Steamboat Ricky immediately assaults Sean Astin, using all of the potential weapons that a bar might possess. He breaks pool cues over his head, hits him with bar stools
.and once again gives him the Deck Swabber through another curiously placed Spanish Announce-Table. Then he pulls out a Caribbean Strap and ties him to a pole outside.*
Brrrrrack! Youre crazy! Sure you drank OGrogs?! Brrrrrack!
*Steamboat and Polly leave the tavern and head toward the ship, preparing to head to Civil Revolution. Meanwhile, Merry, Pippin, and Frodo go to free Sam, when they are approached by Aragorn (again, just Viggo Mortensen with nothing better to do).*
Are you frightened!?
Yes.
Not nearly frightened enough! I know what hunts you! He is a pirate that is neither living nor dead! He will come after you with a barrage of chairs, Caribbean Straps and Spanish Announce-Tables! Some say that he is only a legend. Yet I was there
.3,000 years ago
*A random guy approaches the 5 actors.*
Um, guys. Halloween is over
Oh.
*With sad faces, the 5 head back to their homes.*
