Honesty, along with trust and respect, could perhaps be the most important rule in a relationship, married or otherwise. But as the dynamics of relationships change over time, so does the consensus over how much to really tell. It's a bewildering concept, from the single, to those unhappy in relationships and those who've been happily married for 15 years. For most of us, the question still remains - how much should your partner really know about you? Is complete honesty in a relationship a good thing?Some would argue that they want to know the when, how where and why of the other person's actions and thoughts as they relate to them. It's fair, too, because much of what we conceal from those significant to us as adults is the stuff we're trying to get away with, exactly in the way and probably to the degree that we deceived our parents as children. Formed another way, when dealing with couples and families, it's a question I'm asked on almost a daily basis. The question, with regards to secrets past in present, is a simple one. How much of your spouses/significant other/family member's life do you really want to know? I've come to a place in life, I suppose, that I believe that there are certain things, despite much protesting, that we as people truly don't want to know about the past of others. I dated a woman for some time before I met my wife who held to the credo acknowledged in the scripture above. Complete honesty, after all, the truth means freedom, right? Unfortunately, her insistence on complete honesty regarding the past and present was what freed me from the relationship altogether. While I appreciated the complete honesty, it pushed me away when she told me she hooked a few times and stripped her way through college. It was one truth, with regards to our relationship, that I simply couldn't handle, and I extricated myself from the relationship as soon as I possibly could. It lead me to an interesting conclusion, which is this: When it comes to the sexual exploits of my partner, I don't wish to know their past. They may have stripped and hooked, may have been solely into women for a time, but I truly have no desire to know. My focus is on the present, and as long as my wife is faithful to me and no one else, there's not much I wish to know about her past in regards to her sexual exploits. We've been together 6 years, married for 5. To this day, I don't know the number of partners she's had in the past, or even the gender of said partners. All I care about is the here and now. Most people I deal with are usually torn between how much they should reveal to their partners and in most cases, even those who say that they are not bothered by their partner's past are actually bothered or torn between what they hear from the other person and their own hypocrisy. I had a client come to me once with an interesting dilemna, and it came to revealing to her boyfriend as to why she had lost interest in sex with him: And then there was the man who told his wife why he was no longer attracted to her: These are hard truths, and further, are they truths that need to be told? How much, past and present, do you/would you want to know about your significant other? Are there times where the truth doesn't provide freedom, but rather, is damaging to a relationship? All other thoughts and discussion regarding this are more then welcome.