All-Stars IV

[Viola Moonlight]

The scene opens with Mikey Stormrage, elegANT and the WZCW World Heavyweight Champion Matt Tastic trudging through the thick snow, covered head to toe in layer upon layer of clothing: elegANT in the finest clothing a gentlemANT can acquired; Mikey in multiple sweat pants/hoodies & Tastic in his wrestling gear, his Baez mask equipped & a poncho/sombrero combination. Tastic & elegANT are freezing their nuts off whilst Mikey is wiping the sweat off his face.

Stormrage: How come we spawned out in the middle of nowhere and had to make the trek to the arena without any assistance?

Tastic: Plot device needed for an appealing opening to the show, I suppose. Speaking of, why am I wearing a sombrero? A little racist, don't you think?

Stormrage: I can't remember the last time you didn't wear one, esse.

Tastic: You can't remember the last time you ate, Mikey. Plus, I'm not even Mexican!

Stormrage: Mexican, Cuban... Tomato, tomato.

Tastic: Cuban? Wait, don't you mean tom-may-toe, tom-ma-toe?

Stormrage: There's only one way to pronounce tomato my Dominican friend. Don't worry, you'll grasp the English language some day.

Mikey pulls out a tomato from his hood and starts munching on it, getting some juice on the Baez mask. He offers some to Tastic who stares at him with malicious intent.

Tastic: ... I will hurt you.

elegANT: Keep it together, gents: it's merely the hypothermia talking. We're almost there!

Stormrage: Oh good, you have dialogue. I was starting to worry about you elegANT.

elegANT: I chose to refrain from speaking, Sir Stormrage. Master Matthew seemed a little angry. El Califa instructed me not to ANTagonise an angry Haitian.

Stormrage lets out a hearty laugh and puts his arm around elegANT, enjoying the moment. elegANT lets out a little snicker of his own.

Tastic: Can it, beehive or I'll inform the authorities that you're actually a pensioner.

elegANT stops his laughter immediately, growing deeply concerned at the friendly threat made by Tastic. elegANT politely asks Tastic if he could not do so as the trio continues walking toward a dome in the distance, slowly coming into view through the snowstorm.

Tastic: Here we are!

The Metallica Do-
The All-Stars Antarctica Arena!

The three look on, wondering how the hell everything has fit inside what appears to be a small tent. However, after a couple of seconds, they soon realise this is an All-Stars event and nothing makes sense so they shrug their shoulders and roll with it. I mean, next year will probably be in space or something.

Stormrage: Should we greet the lovely humANTitarians of the WZCW Universe?

elegANT: An excellent idea, old chap.

Tastic, Stormrage & elegANT head towards the dome with fans noticing their arrival, beginning to cheer. As they get close...

... the music and opening credits of All-Stars begin playing as we transition from cut scene to real life!

[YOUTUBE]L_jWHffIx5E[/YOUTUBE]

* PYROTECHNICS (IN THE DISTANCE) *
* PYROTECHNICS (IN THE DISTANCE) *
* PYROTECHNICS (IN THE DISTANCE) *
* PYROTECHNICS (IN THE DISTANCE) *
* PYROTECHNICS (IN THE DISTANCE) *​

The fans inside the Metallica Dome All-Stars Antarctica Arena cheer wildly as Matt Tastic, Mikey Stormrage & elegANT make their way down the non-existent ramp, interacting with all the fans who greet them. elegANT is shaking their hands and tipping his hat, Stormrage is giving people big sweaty bear hugs and Tastic taking photo's with his title. Eventually, Matt Tastic & elegANT make their way to the commentary booth which is extremely close to the fans and has no guard-rail. They equip the headsets and are ready to roll.

Tastic: Hello and welcome everyone to the fourth annual All-Stars event and believe it or not, we are here live on the forgotten continent of Antarctica, the first major act ever to play here because no other major act has totally done this before and we aren't totally stealing their idea. I'm your World Heavyweight Champion Matt Tastic and I am joined by the broadcast partner, elegANT!

elegANT: Simply being here is a pleasure and a privilege. I'm thankful for this opportunity to expand my skills to the commANTary table and get a marvellous view of the ring ANTction.

Tastic: Are you going to be making ant puns all night?

elegANT: I beg you pardon, sir? I do not understANTd your question.

Tastic: Ugh... anyway, let's give it to my good friend Mikey Stormrage who will be the announcer for tonight.

We see Mikey Stormrage in the ring, sweating profusely from the walk. He lifts up the microphone to try and talk but he sweats into the electronics, causing it to the explode. He throws the dud mic away before stripping down to his underwear. Instantly, the sweat dissipates and Mikey is a fresh man, winking at the ladies in the audience.

Stormrage: Welcome everyone to All-Stars! Taco Bell & WZCW hope you enjoy tonig-

[YOUTUBE]qk9IQ_NzYVY[/YOUTUBE]​

The crowd cheers as the familiar music hits the speakers.

Stormrage: ... please welcome, the special guest host for All-Stars, ALHAZRED!

The cheers quickly turn into shrieks when they see Alhazred walking to the ring in nothing but an undone dressing gown (with a special guest host sticker on his gown), exposing everything. He slides into the ring and walks up uncomfortably close to Mikey.

Tastic: And, for reasons I'm not quite sure, is our host for tonight's All-Stars event, Alhazred. He'll be in charge of running the show and making it go smoothly... may God have mercy on our souls.

elegANT: Especially Mikey who has found himself in a bit of a pickle.

Tastic: Ew...

Alhazred snatches the microphone from Stormrage.

Alhazred: Before we go any further, there is one thing missing from this All-Stars announcing team.

Alhazred pulls out a very revealing bikini top and panties. He throws them at Mikey. He looks at Alhazred with a "you serious" face and Alhazred responds with a creepy pedo smile, nodding very slowly as his hand gets very close to his crotch region.

Alhazred: It will please me. Do it or I'll make you my fluffer for the evening.

In the blink of an eye, Mikey changes into the bikini and throws his underwear at Alhazred. He approves and puts Mikey's underwear on, tying a knot in them to keep them up. Alhazred squirms around in them, picking at them.

Alhazred: Not wet enough but they'll do. Knock 'em dead, boys.

Alhazred slaps Mikey on the bear ass and exits the ring, dropping the microphone on the apron. He walks out of the arena, leaving the crowd to be exposed to Mikey's almost naked body.

Tastic: I'm so glad I'm not the announcer tonight.

elegANT: I concur.

Mikey looked a little shocked at first but now seems to be enjoying having his bits and pieces be free as nature almost intended. He begins playing with his tig ol bitties before playfully going over to the microphone, looking around at the crowd.

Tastic: What are you doing, Mikey?

He teases the crowd, telling them he is about to pick up the microphone in his bikini bottoms that have now turned into a thong (or g-string, depending on what version of English you use). He smirks as he points at Tastic & elegANT, slowly bending over.

elegANT: Oh dear.

Tastic: I've already seen your penis in broad daylight, Mikey. I don't need to see the full moon, too!

Mikey continues bending and bending, much to the horror of the fans as it looks like the final piece of clothing is about to be sucked up into Mikey's crack.

Tastic: GO TO COMMERCIAL! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GO TO COMMERCIAL!

The feed cuts out right as it happens. The audio is still live and people can be heard fainting, screaming and vomiting.

elegANT: Wow, I've never see an anthill tunnel so large!

Tastic: ...

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Bikini Stormrage: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is a Tag Team Match!!!

[YOUTUBE]lqigzxs9eSM[/YOUTUBE]​

Stormrage: Making their way to the ring, hailing from their secret base of operations in Twiggenplums, Alaska, they are Major Dynamo! and Lucky, The Dynamic Two!!!

Lucky high-fives every single bloody person within two rows of the barricade. Seeing as this takes some time, Major Dynamo! enters thirty seconds after his sidekick does. He walks to the ring with his Fanta Orange. Too bad the theme song is just shy of two minutes, so a lot of this happens in awkward silence.

Tastic: Ouch. Bit of an awkward start for these superheroes. Maybe they should lay off the people pleasing.

elegANT: I don't think they should, good sir. So what if their music gets cut before they're in the ring? They'll have the fans on their side.

[YOUTUBE]BxNOs01W-64[/YOUTUBE]​

Bikini Stormrage: And their opponents, straight from The 90's, Foot Ninja and Velociraptor, Ninja Raptor!!!

As the music picks up, the Foot Ninja comes out riding on the raptor. They make a mad dash to the ring and jump into it from the outside.

elegANT: Way to make an impression! Interesting pair already.

Tastic: That's a dinosaur.

elegANT: From the 1990's. You're quite observant, dear fellow.

Tastic: Yeah, but that's a dinosaur.

* DING DING DING *​

Major Dynamo! sent his sidekick Lucky to the apron while the Foot Ninja and the raptor played Rock Paper Scissors to determine who faces the veteran hero. The Velociraptor had Scissors when the ninja had Paper. The masked menace asked for a Best Two out of Three. The prehistoric reptile nodded. Foot Ninja beat the dinosaur with Rock > Scissors. Things heated up as they tied over and over again with Scissors. Figuring out that his partner could only use Scissors though, the ninja finally Rocked him and yes that entire paragraph was a pun aren't you glad All-Stars is finally out now?

Rock Paper Scissors Spock! Rock Paper Scissors Spock!​

Foot Ninja and the Major locked up in the center of the ring. Dynamo! pushes him down causing him to flip right back up and Ninja responds with a Right Punch! Dynamo! no-sells it as he is struck with a Left Punch! Dynamo! is teetering now and is met with a second Right Punch but omg he catches Ninja's hand though! He proceeds to beat Foot Ninja down using his own hand. The fans count.

1!

2!

3!

4!

5!

6!

7!

8!

9!

10!

1+Up!

1+Up!

1+Up!​

Foot Ninja staggers around the ring, slaps Lucky in the face, and then falls down to the mat.

Tastic: Ha. "Stop hitting yourself". Classic.

elegANT: Not a very sporting game of fisticuffs, though. At least he got a good blow in on Lucky.

Tastic: Ha. "Good blow". Classic.

Seeing how his sidekick was treated, Major Dynamo! tagged him in. Lucky went straight for the top rope of his corner and perched. The audience leaned in there seats with mild interest. In time, Foot Ninja gathered himself back up and Lucky SUPERMAN PUNCHED HIM but not really. Lucky's shoelace got stuck in the turnbuckle and he came crashing down in front of God and everybody. Referee Katie Shepard allowed the Major to help Lucky with his shoe. Not coming undone, the superhero removed the shoe and gave Lucky a pat on the back for luck. Fighting with one shoe, Lucky telegraphs a kick suspiciously to the groin of Foot Ninja. Foot Ninja catches it! Lucky tries the kick again with his shoeless foot but the ninja catches him again and swings him around and around and threw him up into the air out of the arena and out of sight of all the cameras in attendance. The ninja looks at the referee awkwardly. Katie Shepard signals for Mikey Stormrage. After a brief word, Stormrage gets on the microphone.

Bikini Stormrage: Ladies and gentlemen, due to Lucky's sudden absence from the match and All-Stars in general, referee Katie Shepard has requested this match continue as a 2-on-1 Handicap Match!!!

elegANT: Shenanigans! What kind of sorcery did Foot Ninja just do??

Tastic: It's all legit at All-Stars. Poor Lucky. Now Major Dynamo! has to step up his game.

The Major gets back in the ring with a round of applause and bravely gets in the dastardly magical ninja's masked face. He out-muscles him into a nerve hold that looks remarkable like he's grabbing the dude's junk. This makes Katie Shepard give him a warning. The fans boo but are quickly delighted with the superhero picking the traumatized baddie up from the ground and on to the ropes. He yanks at the one underneath Ninja's testes and pulls it up and down repeatedly. He gets a 4 count from the referee. The sold arena erupts as the good Major raises his arms to draw energy from them. Lucky lands square into his arms when he does this. Unhurt, Lucky goes back to their side of the ring and Katie Shepard summons Mikey Stormrage once more. His bikini clad body jiggles.

Bikini Stormrage: Due to Lucky's sudden reappearance, this match has been changed back to a regular Tag Team Match!!!

elegANT: And just like that he's back! Good for you Lucky. I hope while you were up there in the void you trained hard. These two are about to show some shades of Young Justice. Time to put these nostalgic fiends to rest!

Tastic: I think you're forgetting there's a goddamn raptor that hasn't been tagged in yet.

And like some weird shit that only happens in the movies, Ninja overheard Tastic on commentary and quickly tagged in the Velociraptor. The raptor somersaults into the ring and mauls Major Dynamo!. Dynamo! uses all of his superhero strength to restrain the legendary lizard while blood seeps onto the white mat (because c'mon it's a fucking monster let's be real here). A struggle prevails between the behemoths. The Major executes a waistlock and the dinosaur squirms! There's nowhere for the Raptor to go! He caws loudly to the ceiling as Katie Shepard asks it if it quits. The reptile let's out an ear-piercing shriek but since the ref can't speak the dead language of the Cretaceous Period she shrugs it off and allows the submission hold to continue. Dynamo! has the formidable man-eater to the mat and its little arms just go a'flailing. From out of nowhere another reptilian roar is heard.

[YOUTUBE]J9FImc2LOr8[/YOUTUBE]​

Tastic: Oh dear god they've come for me.

A second Ninja riding a raptor appears on the ramp. He is followed by another. And then another. Soon the runway is filled by a dozen screaming Ninja Raptors as they make a beeline for the ring. They surround it menacingly as the fans either cheer or get eaten. Katie Shepard beckons Mikey Stormrage to get in the ring for a third time this match. Even without the mic his voice was audible and cameras picked it up for the home audience.

Bikini Stormrage: Give me a goddamn break!

Katie sternly pointed at the ring. Mikey jiggled his way back in, listened to her reluctantly, sighed and then addressed the live crowd.

Bikini Stormrage: By order of Referee Katie Shepard, this match will now be fought under Raptorjack Rules. That's right. I have no clue what that is either.

elegANT: I think it's a LumberJack Match, Mike. But with dinosaurs around the ring.

Tastic: How can you just sit there all nonchalant and shit? You've acted like this isn't the craziest thing you've seen.

elegANT: All-Stars is a place of ripe tomfoolery. I'm quite enjoying the shenanigans.

Back in the ring, the raptor lunges for the ropes with his massive teeth. It rope breaks! It literally breaks the top rope, which like a domino effect snaps and strikes Lucky's shoe that was stuck in the turnbuckle. The shoe smacks Lucky across the face! The unfortunate sidekick is knocked off of the apron and into the death pit of dinosaurs!!! They snap at him, but he is quick on his feet and runs away! They all pursue him out of the building as Major Dynamo! looks on with a worried expression. The Velociraptor pushes itself into the Major, the Major collides with what is left of the ropes, and the raptor rolls him up in a Schoolboy Pin!

1!

2!

3!

No! The Major still has life in him as he powers out of the embrace! The fans are on their feet for the brave warrior as he gives the Raptor a smack across the face in defiance. He limps over to his corner where his trusty sidekick fled and waved both the ninja and the raptor to come at him. The Raptor tags in the Foot Ninja and together they Trample the lone hero. Major Dynamo! gets back up and flags them over once more! Ninja Raptor Tramples the titan a second time! The crippled crusader crawls over to the bottom rope and stands right back up for a third time! He sways back and forth but his legs give out from underneath him. The Major falls to the mat and doesn't move. Referee Katie Shepard calls for the bell.

Bikini Stormrage: Here are your winners via knockout, Foot Ninja and Velociraptor, they are Ninja Raptor!!!

elegANT: What a courageous display by that man! Bravo, Major Dynamo!. Bravo.

Tastic: So many screwy moments in this match. Thank god it's over and we'll never have to be this close to a damn dinosaur ever again.

The Velociraptor leaps from the ring and over to the commentary team. He jacks ElegANT's tophat and somehow steals a monocle. He leaves the arena on a bicycle.

Tastic: Wut.

elegANT: That scalawag buggered off with my headwear!!!

*******************************

Out in the snow where sled tracks are imprinted into the ground stands Backstage Bob on a leash and in a cat onesie (or adult jumpsuit for you non-Australians) - as per the request of Alhazred, naturally - holding a microphone and freezing. He tries his best to smile as he brings the microphone to his lips which have grown icicles.

Bob: B-b-backstage B-b-bob here ag-gain for All-St-Stars f-for the s-second t-time, as the re-reporter in the f-field. J-joining me at this time is w-world famous c-children's c-cartoon c-c-c-character, Thomas the T-Tank Engine!

Bob turns around, looking for his guest Thomas the Tank Engine but he seems to have disappeared. Confused, he looks for clues and looks down at the ground. He sees train wheel tracks ploughed through the snow. He looks up and sees a figure moving quite fast at Bob. He tries to move but his feet are frozen stuck! He tries pulling his feet out of the snow but it doesn't work. They're frozen!

Bob: Let me go! LET ME GO!

Thomas: Fuck you and your Frozen references, bitch! There's only one great children's icon!

Bob: Twilight Sparkle?

​

A big deep Backstage Bob imprint is left in the snow as Thomas heads directly for the All-Stars Arena.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Bikini Stormrage: The following contest is scheduled for one....

Suddenly the lights in the arena go out. A deafness falls over the arena until...

[YOUTUBE]Z6jtLAnqiiA[/YOUTUBE]​

When the lights come back up, Thomas the Tank Engine is seen in the ring with Stormrage tied down in the center of the ring.

Thomas: I'll run this fat fuck over! I don't give a fuck!

While Thomas stars to rev his train engine(can you rev a train engine?), Stormrage cries out.

Bikini Stormrage: Can someone please help me? Matt? elegANT? Someone?

elegANT: Matthew, I say good chap, you should go save your friend.

Tastic: My doctor advised me against heavy lifting.

[YOUTUBE]DqXlSwBIHFc[/YOUTUBE]​

Ash: Charizard! I choose you!

A Pokeball flies into the ring and out pops Charizard. Suddenly the Pokemon goes on a rampage.

You don't have enough badges to train me!​

Charizard flies and picks up Ash in his claws and drops him in the center of the ring, before he flies off into the frigid air. In all of the chaos, Stormrage managed to free himself and slides out of the ring. The referee, who appears out of nowhere, calls for the bell.

Thomas: I'm a kill this little muthafucka!

Thomas charges full speed at Ash, who is still disoriented from his fall. He runs Ash over, knocking him not only out of the ring, but out of the arena through the hole the rampaging Charizard left in the dome. The mystical ref calls for the bell before he vanishes again. Stormrage adjusts his bikini before he rolls into the ring to announce the winner.

Bikini Stormrage: Here is your winner by way of total fucking knockout, Thomas the Tank Engine!

The disgruntled star charges through the arena, taking a large portion of the audience with him as he speeds out of the arena, all while gesturing to his dick.

elegANT: We may have just witnessed our first death in the history of All-Stars.

Tastic: That truly was something. Biggie Smalls truly does put the hood in childhood.

*******************************

Alhazred is somewhere backstage outside with a chainsaw in hand, cutting icicles hanging off his white van. He is hard at work when Jack Klockowski walks up to Alhazred.

Klockowski: Excuse me, sir. I've noticed you are having problems with your vehicle. May I offer you some insurance?

Not turning around or stopping work, Alhazred responds.

Alhazred: Go away.

Jack shrugs his shoulders and leaves. Alhazred takes off his sunglasses and checks his handiwork. Pleased, he jumps down and turns around into another All-Stars competitor: Doctor Anderson.

Anderson: That is some fine ice sculpting. Not bad for an ARTprentice!

Alhazred takes one quick look at Anderson, slightly annoyed, before walking around to the other side of the van.

Alhazred: Go... away!

Anderson is disgusted by Alhazred's actions, storming off. Alhazred goes to take off another icicle when "The Admiral" Jack Burton walks up, giving him the salute.

Burton: Civilian! I request to use your tool for an emergency situation! My vessel has hit an iceberg and-

Getting very angry, Alhazred stops and looks directly at Burton.

Alhazred: For the last fucking time, go away!

Burton isn't impressed but obliges, leaving the premise.

Alhazred: The next person who bugs me, I swear I will gut them!

At that point, the nobody's favourite superhero Cunderthunt pops out of nowhere and slips into the snow. He brushes himself off and poses for no-one.

Cunderthunt: Sounds like you're having troubles here, fellow wrestler! May I be of assistance.

A blood red Alhazred points his chainsaw at Cunderthunt. He grabs a hockey mask and begins charging at Cunderthunt with a chainsaw. Cunderthunt screams and runs like a little bitch. Alhazred follows him, not noticing Mikey's underwear fall off. They run past the shoreline where Steve the Volleyball is off in the distance riding a small wooden raft. He is having adjusting the sails as he tries coming into moor his raft, not knowing where the wind is. He gets distracted by the scene of a naked Alhazred running before noticing his wind sock blowing in the wind. Satisfied, Steve adjusts the sails and comes in for a sweet landing before he starts rolling towards the arena.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Bikini Stormrage: The following contest is scheduled for one fall!

Gelgarin walks out in total silence to the ring.

Bikini Stormrage: ... okay then... introducing first, from Norwich, England by way of Mandaq, Saudi Arabia, weighing in at 10 stone; Gelgarin!

elegANT: Straight-forward lad, isn't he?

Tastic: He's never been known for his flash and flair.

elegANT: You're acquaintances with Gelgarin?

Tastic: Does Gelgarin even have acquaintances?

He waits in the ring, staring disapprovingly at Stormrage in a bikini. However, Mikey gets lost in the eyes of the very beautiful, intelligent and suave Gelgarin, taking the looks of disapproval as a sign to shake what his momma gave him.

[YOUTUBE]1gO59rZrisQ[/YOUTUBE]​

Cunderthunt runs out onto the stage, nunchuks in hand. Attempting a couple of tricks, they end up flying into the air above, as he ends up sprinting down the ramp to avoid them falling on his head. He tries to slide in the ring, but hits the apron, so to save further embarrassment he uses the steps to get into the ring.

Bikini Stormrage: And his opponent, from the Back-Alley - I bet he takes it up the back alley - weighing in at 173 pounds - yep, definitely takes it up the back alley - this is the Thunde... oh wait, Cunderthunt!

He readies himself in the middle of the ring, posing quite awkwardly as the fans laugh at him and not with him. Cunderthunt mistakes this for a face reaction and waves to the audience. Gelgarin continues staring in total silence with a disapproving stare (even though the real Gelgarin would disapprove of me using a disapproving stare without me asking for his disapproval).

Tastic: I saw this guy on the television once. Total clumsyfuck. It's like a clumsy clusterfuck. Really bad.

elegANT: And the attire is appalling! Who wears such an outrageous costume inside the squared circle?

The referee signals for the bell and starts the match.

* DING DING DING *​

Cunderthunt stands in the middle of the ring, looking to start off the match with something traditional like a test of strength. Gelgarin does nothing. Cunderthunt tries to goad him into going it but the response stays the same. Cunderthunt steps back and suggest a collar-elbow tie-up but by the stares given by Gelgarin, he'd rather give Cunderthunt a Peruvian neck-tie but nonetheless, Gelgarin goes nothing. Cunderthunt ponders for a moment before looking surprised, pointing behind Gelgarin telling him to look. Again, nothing. Cunderthunt scratches his head, trying to outdo Gelgarin.

elegANT: Gelgarin showing excellent psychological presence. He's out-smarting Cunderthunt.

Tastic: Not exactly an award-winning achievement.

Cunderthunt charges at Gelgarin out of nowhere, going for a clothesline. Due to Cunderthunt being terrible at wrestling & Gelgarin being a wizard, nothing happens. Cunderthunt runs the ropes and attempts a running dropkick to the knees but manages to slip over, hurting himself. Cunderthunt gets to his feet, recovering from the embarrassing blow and tries for a scoop slam but is unable to pick up Gelgarin who stands there watching this pathetic excuse for a wrestler wrestle. Cunderthunt changes his strategy to attempt a belly-to-belly suplex but throws out his back, not because Gelgarin is overweight (as is explicitly stated in his RP that he isn't - seriously, go read it; great stuff) but again, due to Cunderthunt's inadequacies.

Tastic: Can Cunderthunt do anything right?

Cunderthunt attempts a German suplex but he releases the grip too quickly, causing him to fall on his head. He rubs his head furiously, trying not to cry from the pain. When he eventually gets to his feet, he hits the ropes and attempts a running DDT but somehow cocks it up by DDTing himself instead of the still Gelgarin in the centre of the ring. Frustrated, Cunderthunt calls for the finish of the match.

Cunderthunt: Die Criminal Scum!

Cunderthunt builts up a lot of momentum before hitting a massive ass impact squash, the only move that Cunderthunt has done right in his entire life and should've destroyed his opponent... but Cunderthunt forgot that Gelgarin was still standing and took all the impact from the whiplash. Cunderthunt has KO'd himself with Gelgarin looking down in disapproval.

elegANT: Mr. Cunder is unconscious.

The referee agrees and rings the bell, signalling the end of the match.

Bikini Stormrage: Here is your winner by TKO; Gelgarin!

Tastic: That was underwhelming. Even though Cunderthunt tried his hardest, he knocked himself out and technically gave Gelgarin the victory.

elegANT: The best kind of victory!

Tastic: Yep. Gelgarin beat Thrash Cunderthunt doing absolutely nothing in this match and I'm not surprised.

Gelgarin leaves the ring in total silence as the referee shrugs his shoulders, leaving the building. Everyone else in the arena also decides to leave and take 5 minutes break, including Tastic, elegANT & Bikini Stormrage. After a minute, we are left with Cunderthunt in the middle of the ring knocked out whilst everyone else has gone, not interested in him...

... except for the All-Stars host Alhazred who peaks his head around the corner, checking to see everyone else has gone. Quickly, he backs up his white van, opens the doors and throws Cunderthunt's lifeless body inside. He rubs his hands together before driving off.

*******************************

We see the WZCW Universe outside waving to Alhazred as he droves off somewhere. As Backstage Bob makes it out of the icehole he fell into previously, he is almost run over by Alhazred! He jumps out of the way and in the process, manages to fall into the icehole once again but since it is in the background, nobody really pays attention. Anyway, everyone seems to be taking a smoke break including elegANT who is lighting is pipe, Matt Tastic with a Cuban Dominican Puerto Rican cigar [I got you, Killjoy] and Bikini Stormrage pretending to smoke FAD fun sticks to fit in with the cool group.

Tastic: It just blows my mind. Gelgarin was the man behind Black Dragon who had a storyline where he was using guerilla warfare tactics.

Bikini Stormrage: Who against?

Tastic: Can't remember, didn't want to look through the archives.

Bikini Stormrage: Great journalism, Mr. Play-By-Play.

Tastic: You do it, lazy asshole. Anyway, Thrash (the guy who is also Cunderthunt's handler) was playing as Johnny Scumm who was one of the masked Black Dragon during these attacks and it was voted one of the worst storylines in history. The writer for the match we just witnessed (FalKon) was also the man behind this terrible storyline.

elegANT: Hence, All-Stars reanimated history?

Tastic: Indeed. Gelgarin got his revenge, FalKon had his chance at Redemption by writing a decent match to make-up for the absymal storyline and Thrash is going to have some super happy fun times with Alhazred playing with his Cunderthunt.

Bikini Stormrage: Ew...

Tastic: Says the man in a frickin bikini!

Bikini Stormrage: You're just jealous my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, homie.

elegANT: Well, let's be relieved Cunderthunt didn't approach the ring as fake Gelgarin!

Everyone looks at each other, thinking about it happening.

Tastic: I'm done. Anyone else done smoking?

Simultaneously, everyone (including the crowd) nods their and drops what they're smoking, crushing it with their feet before heading back inside, readying themselves for the next match.

Bob: H-help!

Only one person hears the cries for help: Simon! He comes over and waves at Bob.

Simon: Jima florba!

Bob: Huh?

Bob's response gets himself a double negative social rating, getting Simon very angry and upset. Whoever is controlling Simon decides to cancel the event of helping a fellow sim in trouble so he can learn some more guitar since Bob was being a dick. Simon doesn't even wave goodbye and goes somewhere else, leaving Bob alone again.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Bikini Stormrage: The following contest is a Triple Threat matc-

A male stage-hand, wearing only nipple pasties and a dick sock, comes up to Mikey and whispers something into his ears before kissing him on the cheek, looking very embarrassed to do so. Mikey blushes and waves at the man before re-equipping the microphone.

Bikini Stormrage: As per order of All-Stars host Alhazred, the following contest will now be a singles match scheduled for one fall! Here's Matt Tastic with more details.

Tastic: Thanks Mikey. Yes ladies and gentlemen, this was originally scheduled to be a Triple Threat match but due to an abysmal effort done by The No-Show with his RP, he will not be appearing on the All-Stars card.

elegANT: Keeping true to his name, I see.

Tastic: Actually, the No-Show made to Antarctica but Alhazred read the RP, beat the crap out of him for posting "Titty Sprinkles" and he's now being buried in 6 feet of snow & ice as we speak.

elegANT: Ah! Would it be appropriate to suggest the No-Show has been buried at All-Stars?

Tastic: Exactly.

elegANT: Delightful. Back to ring-action, then!

[YOUTUBE]zoass6XxJwk[/YOUTUBE]​

The crowd cheers as a portal seems to appear out of nowhere in the middle of the ring, loving the cool effects. Cyberpunk Babe steps out of the portal, looking around the arena wary of all the people, especially Mikey.

Bikini Stormrage: Introducing first, from the Dystopian Future, apparently weighing more than I do; Cyberpunk Babe!

elegANT: Extraordinary entrance.

Cyberpunk Babe looks at Mikey, eyeing him off head-to-toe as she looks very confused. She grabs the microphone off him and shakes her head.

Cyberpunk: What are you? Your beard suggest you are male but your attire and lack of bulge suggest you are female.

Mikey tries to explain that it is extremely cold outside as people start snickering and pointing. Cyberpunk looks outside and realises where she is.

Cyberpunk: Why are we in the snow? Who are these people and why are they watching me?

Bikini Stormrage: Um... this is All-Stars. You're supposed to be wrestling in a match and these people paid to watch.

Cyberpunk: Watch? Wrestle? I'm not doing that! This is a conspiracy! Move fatty.

All of a sudden, the once fan-favourite has now become a hated star as she pushes Mikey and throws the microphone back at him. Mikey looks sad, realising that it's another female who isn't interested in him.

Tastic: For all intents and purposes, it seems Cyberpunk will now be a heel for the remaining of this match.

elegANT: Is that allowed in the rulebook?

Tastic: It's All-Stars! Plus, she insulted Mikey. Does it matter?

elegANT: Excellent point. You do not smell so well, Madam Cyberpunk!

Tastic: You're a master at heckling.

elegANT: Thank you, Master Tastic.

Cyberpunk goes to say some more but the crowd is booing her out. She doesn't appear to be too pleased with it and looks to speak her mind but...

[YOUTUBE]ZoEwR9_Sy_M[/YOUTUBE]​

... she is interrupted by the Ghost of Barrett Stratton! Taking anything they can get, the crowd cheers Barrett who pokes his head out of the entrance way. Seeing that they're cheering him on, he pops out and flies into the ring.

Bikini Stormrage: And her opponent, from A White Cemetary, formerly weighing in at 230 pound; he is the Ghost of Barrett Stratton!

elegANT: I remember him!

Tastic: Former wrestler Barrett Stratton who made his name in one PPV cycle because of his controversial remarks and actions towards women.

elegANT: Former wrestler. In reference to his spirit form. Good one, chap!

The referee, someone I supposed, makes sure both competitors are ready. Stratton waits impatiently for the bell as Cyberpunk begins complaining about this match.

* DING DING DING *​

Cyberpunk questions the referee and asks why she has to fight a ghost. The referee shrugs and tells her to fight. Stratton is ready to go and Cyberpunk looks pissed this is happening. She goes to hit a karate punch on Stratton but he evades! She goes for a couple more but Stratton weaves in and out of the hits! Eventually, she manages to punch Stratton so hard her first goes right through his body... but since he's a ghost, they stare awkwardly at each other.

Cyberpunk runs the ropes and looks to bicycle kick Stratton but he takes the full shot without taking a scratch. She turns around and Stratton goes for the haunted hip toss but it has no effect! He tries for the demonic double leg takedown but Cyberpunk stands there, looking at him. Stratton flies to his feet and looks at Cyberpunk. They try touching each other but nothing seems to be connecting.

Tastic: This might take a while.

elegANT: Stratton's absorbing every attack with ease. Great strategy by our resident poltergeist. If Stratton continues, Cyberpunk will tire herself-

Cyberpunk, having enough of this play-time, pressing a button on her suit.

GHOSTBUSTER MODE ACTIVATED!

A flashing light glows from her suit and Barrett has no idea what's happening. Cyberpunk lets out a smirk before hitting Barrett with a Karate chop, this time connecting due to some technological stuff from the future.

elegANT: ... out...

Tastic: What a hit! Stratton is feeling pain in purgatory!

Cyberpunk continues hitting Karate chops, knocking Barrett senseless despite the fact that Barrett is feeling the sense of touch once more thanks to Cyberpunk's suit. Barrett tries defending himself but his attacks are still ineffective because he's a ghost and the suit is built to stop these spiritual attacks. Cyberpunk goes behind Barrett and hits him with a German suplex with a pinfall...

... 1
... 2
... kick(ed the bucket)-out, just barely.

elegANT: Stratton managing to stay alive in this m... oh wait... a little too insensitive on my part, I think. My apologies.

Tastic: This is Stratton we're talking about. Nothing is too insensitive... but he is the face here so who cares?

Stratton tries climbing the ropes for some high offense but Cyberpunk kicks him down with a enzuigiri. She hits him with a bicycle kick and a double foot stomp with extra height using the nanotech suit. Cyberpunk looks to call for the end of the match, summoning the portal in the ring. The crowd boos as she tells them to get lost, going through the portal and looking to go Back to the Future with a massive superkick.

Tastic: Things aren't looking to good with Barrett Stratton...

Things get a little weird now as the sounds becomes white noise before disappearing altogether. Barrett's surroundings turn into a bright white light as he stares into the portal...

We are now in Barrett Stratton's dream sequence, dazed and confused as to where he is. He looks around and he cannot quite make out what is happening.

Stratton: Is my afterlife flashing before my eyes again?

???: No Barrett, it isn't hon.

Hearing a female voice, Stratton looks around for a while and something comes into focus. It is Lexi Hayes, WZCW superstar. She gets close to Stratton and puts a hand on his face.

Lexi: Your afterlife isn't over. This isn't your time. You must get to Honky Tonk Heaven, darlin'. You cannot give up against Cyberpunk Babe! She will send you to another dimension where you cannot escape. You must make it!

Barrett nods his head, looking weak. He tries getting up but he doesn't have the strength. Looking worried, Lexi leans in and the two lock lips with each other. They share a passionate kiss before Barrett gets sucked back into the light. Lexi has a tear in her eye but she wishes him well!

Lexi: Go Barrett! Bless her heart!

Suddenly, the dream sequence begins fading away as the scene fades away...

... back into the action. Barrett wakes up back in the arena, seeing the white lights from the portal coming back into focus. He begins standing up as Cyberpunk looks to deliver the biggest superkick in the world...

... but Barrett blocks the shot by grabbing her foot!

Tastic: What the...?

The ghostly figure of Barrett flashes for a second before he turns into a more human-like figure! The flesh of Stratton has been re-instated for a short moment, becoming human again once more as he's able to interact with the human world!

Tastic: Stratton has come to life!

elegANT: In both senses of the phrase!

Cyberpunk looks shocked as she balances on one leg, hitting her button on her nanotech suit to try and get away but it doesn't work. Stratton uses his human strength to lift up Cyberpunk for a boodyslam! The crowd goes wild as the ghost is able to interact in this match.

Stratton gets on a roll: he hits the haunted hip toss and the demonic double leg takedown on Cyberpunk before hitting a belly-to-belly from beyond the grave! He hits a nether knee drop as Cyberpunk is reeling from the assault. Stratton gets on the top rope and delivers the Crossing Over on Cyberpunk, causing her to be smacked back into the corner. Stratton lines her up for the Ghost Buster, making sure his ghostly crotch haunts the dreams of Cyberpunk forever. Stratton looks for the end of the match as the fans cheer.

Tastic: This could be over for Cyberpunk!

Stratton positions himself, hits the biggest Spirit Bomb in Dragonball Z All-Stars history and goes for the cover...

... 1
... 2
... 3!

The referee rings the bell and calls for the match!

Bikini Stormrage: Here is your winner; the Ghost of Barrett Stratton!

Tastic: Barrett Stratton has done the impossible! He's beaten a woman from the future from beyond the grave! Does Stratton's strength and desire to take down women know any bounds?

elegANT: Purgatory persistence earned Stratton a victory and the lovely WZCW Universe enjoyed the spectacle.

Tastic: Only at All-Stars will a crowd cheer for Stratton and boo the female. Granted, she was a futuristic dick but it's the principle of the situation... but again, this is All-Stars and nobody should be getting offended by this so I pose the question, who cares?

elegANT: Indeed!

Stratton celebrates in the middle of the ring but soon, a white light shines down on him from the skies. A voice calls his name and waves him up. His flesh-like body returns to its ghostly state as Stratton ascends to the Honky Tonk Heavens. He waves goodbye with a smile on his face as the crowd waves goodbye back. When he is about to disappear, he sees Lexi in the audience smiling and winking at him. He winks back and Stratton is gone.

In the ring, Cyberpunk slowly crawls back to the portal and gets into it before it disappears too. There is nothing in the ring and both competitors have gone to their own dimensions.

Tastic: And yet, this isn't the craziest things I've seen at All-Stars event... bloody hell.

elegANT: I thought Stratton went to heaven?

Tastic: It was an expres... never mind.

*******************************

Backstage Bob eventually climbs out of the icehole once again, breathing heavily and suffering from every frost-related condition imaginable. However, since he's still an officially-listed NPC member, he'll survive forever although will be in pain for a very, very long time. Anyway, as he tries recovering, he sees s pimped-out sled pulls up to the All-Stars Arena, just outside the door. Bitches pile out off the sled, eventually revealing a lip-stick riddled JaMarcus Russell who gets out of the sled. His bodyguards stand by his sides. Bob decides to continue his job so he can meet Alhazreds' requirements and get paid.

Bob: E-excuse me! M-may I g-get your comments for y-your match later t-tonight?

JaMarcus looks at Bob before turning his attention to the All-Stars Arena dome.

Russell: The Love Muscle...

He clicks his fingers and the bitches hang off the arms of Russell.

Russell: ... has arrived.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Bikini Stormrage: The following contest is scheduled for one fall!

[YOUTUBE]jj0ChLVTpaA[/YOUTUBE]​

Introducing first, from on the other side of the phone line, weighing in at 240lbs, Jack Klockowski!

From the side of the stage a Prius pulls up, playing Jack's theme music. Inside the Prius are are various clipboards filled with insurance applications. A few of them fall to the ground as Jack opens the door and steps out. As he walks to the ring he hands out a few applications to fans, before he climbs into the ring and tries to get the referee to sign up for insurance.

elegANT: My family was once the victims of insurance fraud. I hope this Mr. Klockowski turns out to be on the straight and narrow.

Tastic: We don't have insurance in Mexico, can't afford it.

[YOUTUBE]X1QSG_X1PnI[/YOUTUBE]​

And his opponent, the only man here today in worse shape than myself, weighing in at 309lbs, the VIP in da club, JaMarcus Russel!

Russell and his entourage come onto the stage, chanting Russ, only garnering more heat. Drenched in his fur coat and bling, diamond dusts falls from the sky. Russell's crew takes his coat and bling as he gets one a knee and attempts to throw a football into a target above the ring. Russell misses but his crew has a device that will set the target's pyro off if he misses. Russell thinks he is the real deal as he showers with some champagne before entering the ring.

Tastic: I think Mikey is right, look at this man, he is completely out of shape, and I've seen Mikey get winded making a sandwich.

elegANT: They say Russell can throw a football sixty yards from his knees. Let's see if this rotund former NFL star can make an impact in the ring.

The referee calls for the bell and Jack charges, only to run into the large frame of Russell. Jack tries to muscle Russell to the ground, but Russell doesn't budge. Jack tries to lift JaMarcus, but JaMarcus just throws him aside. Finally Jack stops and starts to throw punches, which do have an effect. They stagger the big man, causing him to back up and into the ropes. A little blood begins to trickle from the lip of Russell, so Jack slides out of the ring and grabs a clipboard. He begins to fill out the insurance policy, but JaMarcus slaps the clipboard out of his hand. He then lifts Jack high into the air and lets him drop to the mat. He then drops a big leg across the chest of his opponent, before he rolls over and takes a deep breath.

elegANT: It appears that Russell is already out of breath.

Jack tries to take advantage by rolling up JaMarcus.
.
.
1!
.
.
2!
.
.
JaMarcus kicks out but is still breathing heavily.

Tastic: How did his fat ass kick out?!?

Jack uses all his strength to lift Russell and Irish Whip him into the corner. He runs and leaps, splashing his foe. He follows it up with a palm thrust to the staggering Russell. He then calls for the Insurance Policy, but Russell manages to duck the clothesline. Jack stays on the offensive with some right hands, followed by an uppercut of the European variety. Russell is still staggering, so Jack leaps onto his back and locks in a sleeper hold. JaMarcus fights back, but the hold is locked in. JaMarcus starts to fade, but manages to ram Jack into the turnbuckle. He continues to smash Jack into the corner until the hold is released. Both men collapse and roll around. A member of Russell's entourage jumps onto the apron and quickly supplies JaMarcus with some oxygen, much to the ire of the referee.

elegANT: Refreshing oxygen. It should send our boy Russell right back to the top.

Tastic: How is that even legal? Who is in charge of this circus? Someone disqualify his fat ass.

The two men both get to their feet around the same time and they begin to trade blows back and forth. JaMarcus gets the upper hand when he connects with Poppin' Bottles, his signature Bionic Elbow. He hits the ropes, looking for the Gamesaver, but Jack sidesteps the spear and Russell hits the ropes. Off the rebound Jack connects with a giant exploder suplex, much to the surprise of the entire audience. He hooks a leg.
.
.
1!
.
.
2!
.
.
And again Russel kicks out.

Just as Jack prepares for the Insurance Policy, a fan in the audience slips and falls, presumably on ice. Jack jumps out of the ring and pulls a clipboard from out of nowhere. While the referee begins his ten count, Russell's crew leap into the ring and work to get their boy back on his feet.

Tastic: Do you watch sports ant-man?

elegANT: I do enjoy a good game of cricket from time to time, as well as polo. Oh and I can never turn down a good old fashioned bare knuckle fisticuffs.

Just before the referee can get to the count of ten, Jack Klockowski slides back into the ring, but he runs into the Personal Foul! A huge body splash from Russell. He then points to the sky and calls for the The Hail Mary. He ascends to the top rope, everyone in his crew as well as the ringside attendants and announcing team run for cover. He tries a moonsault, but gets little air and no rotation, but he manages to land on Klockowski and the ref slides into position to make the three count.
.
.
1!
.
.
2!
.
.
3!

Bikini Stormrage: Here is your winner, JaMarcus "The Love Muscle" Russel!

elegANT: What a sporting display from both competitors, but JaMarcus has proven victorious.

Tastic: Whateva n*gga.

*******************************

We see Backstage Bob trying to catch his breath as he has seemingly filled the treacherous icehole back with snow (indicated by the shovel in his hand - didn't you see it?). Proud of his job, he swings the shovel onto his shoulder and goes to turn around, looking to return to work. However, as he does so, Alhazred comes screeching into him, smacking him with the white van as it skids across the snow and parks perfectly next to the All-Stars Arena. Bob is nowhere to be seen as Alhazred jumps out of the van, removing his expensive driving gloves and sunglasses.

Alhazred: B-E-A-U have got my attention, girl! What's your name?

Out of nowhere, Candy Desserts in a very sexy outfit walks past Alhazred. You can tell the sexiness by Alhazred's underpants slowly expanding. She pulls out some candy.

Desserts: Want to suck on my lollipop?

Alhazred, almost fainting, nods his head with saliva frothing from his mouth as he slobbers over the sight.

Alhazred: I don't care what you do to me. Take me.

Candy smiles and gives him an actual lollipop. She skips off in the snow, leaving Alhazred behind who isn't amused.

Alhazred: Cock-tease! Literally... ah well, I can satisfy myself. Where's my damn cat?

At this time, Backstage Bob (who is in his cat jumpsuit, remember) recovers from getting hit. Alhazred looks directly at Bob with a wicked smile. Bob shakes off the hit as Alhazred grabs the leash.

Alhazred: Do you want to get paid double? Then come with me, purrty.

Bob gulps. Alhazred smiles at the gesture. Bob is scared. Alhazred is excited. This is getting too sexual. Next match.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Bikini Stormrage: The following contest is set for one fall.

[YOUTUBE]xJgWXxeEXBs[/YOUTUBE]​

Bikini Stormrage: Introducing first, from San Fransisco, California, weighing at in 300 pounds, Willy DuWitt!

The crowd erupts as Willy Duwitt, nervously, breaks through the artificial wall that is specifically kept there for his entrance. He trips over and his ‘Bully’ Armor comes off, but he quickly gathers himself back and speed-walks to the ring.

Tastic: What a nerd! He has some real guts coming out to the ring tonight.

elegANT: Of course, Mr Tastic. We are live.

Tastic: What has that got to do with anything?

elegANT: My attempt at defusing the situation?

[YOUTUBE]ab9176Srb5Y[/YOUTUBE]​

Bikini Stormrage: And his opponent, from Cleveland, Ohio, weighing in at 280 pounds, Waldo Williams!

Waldo walks out holding a large locker. He raises it above his head and walks down the ramp. He slams it down in front of the ring and bangs on the doors before rolling in the ring. He points to the crowd, then to the locker and makes cut throat gesture. All the nerds in the crowd start booing.

Tastic: This is going to turn ugly real quick, people. The nerd vs the nerd-killer?

elegANT: I can’t possibly imagine why anyone in their right mind allow a person like Waldo Williams to enter the ring with Willy DuWitt? Calling this match is going to be....hard for me.

Tastic: Why? Are you a nerd too?

elegANT: No! I am just sympathetic to nerds.

Waldo Willimans enters the ring and scans his opponent, Willy DuWitt. Waldo points towards his open locker and gestures shoving Willy into the locker. Willy seems unperturbed and takes out a...

Tastic: What? Is that a walkie-talkie?

elegANT: Seems so. I think he wants to call his space friends. Because in front of this guy, Willy has no chance.

The referee signals for the bell.

* DING DING DING *​

They start circling each other. Willy is more cautious than Waldo, who’s talking smack and growling at Willy. They finally lock up. Waldo puts Willy in a headlock. As soon as he does that, Willy screams, ‘time please.’ Waldo releases him, wondering what’s going on, while Willy takes off his glasses and puts it under the tunrbuckle.

Tastic: Are they gonna fight or not. Fight! Fight! Fight!

elegANT: In due time, Mr Tastic. They’re still warming up.

Willy and Waldo lock up again. Waldo irish whips Willy and waits to scoop slam him, but Willy bounces of the rope and meets Waldo with his huge belly. Waldo bounces of the ropes and runs into another belly from Willy. He flies out of the ring onto the ringside floor. Willy raises his hands, playing to all the nerds in the crowd. Waldo, smirking, smacks the floor.

Tastic: Early advantage to Willy. His huge belly has come to his rescue. Waldo has to find a way to nullify this belly attack.

elegANT: I don’t know. I think he should... what is Mikey doing!?

Mikey takes off his bikini top. The crowd gasps for air.

elegANT: Mikey this is a family show!

Tastic: elegANT! Mikey is a man!

Meanwhile, Waldo slips back into the ring. Willy, who’s still watching Mikey take of his bikini top and wave it in the air, Waldo attacks him from behind. He holds Willy and delivers a stalling suplex. The whole ring shakes due to the impact. Willy retreats to the turnbuckle and Waldo stomps away at him.

Tastic: Waldo has taken advantage of Willy’s nerdism.

elegANT: Yes, he has taken control of the match. Meanwhile, our ring announcer, Mikey Stormrage, is sitting beside the timekeeper in his topless swim attire. This is not acceptable on national television. Therefore, we’ll not be able to show anymore of Mikey Stormrage on today’s broadcast.

Waldo is in full control. Willy makes to his feet but is taken down again by Waldo’s punches in the corner. He stops at referee’s count of 4 and then drags Willy to the center of the ring. He catches hold of Willy’s underpants and tries the wedgie. Willy counters and tries a spinning kick, but he loses his balance and falls hard on the mat. The earthquake like tremors in the ring make Waldo lose his balance as well and fall as well. Both men are down.

Tastic: Back and forth people. No competitor has had any clear advantage yet.

Willy rolls Waldo and covers him with his hand. 1.....2......No! Kick out! A near fall! Both men now try to make it back to their feet. As soon as Willy stands on his feet, Waldo catches hold of his tights and gives him a WEEEEEDGIIIIEEEEE! The crowd is stunned into silence.

elegANT: That was pure strength! But also disgusting. How did he do that?

Willy can’t see anything due to his underpants over his eyes. He wanders around in the ring, trying to find some traction. He feels a huge big boot by Waldo and smashes to the mat. Another huge tremor but Waldo holds on the the ring apron and saves himself. He now catches hold of Willy’s legs, who’s steeling reeling from the big boot, and starts rounding him up for swirlie. He makes 10 rotations and releases Willy. Waldo covers. 1....2....3No! Willy somehow kicks out! The nerds cheer! Waldo gets frustrated. He argues with the referee.

Tastic: That was close! The giant swing from Waldo has left Willy dazed. I don’t know how he kicked out. Waldo mustn’t lose concentration though. This his chance.

elegANT: If Willy doesn’t do it quickly...

Tastic: Ha!

elegANT: ...this will be over in nick of time.

Waldo slides out the ring. He holds Mikey Stormrage’s hand and walks him to the ring side. Willy is distracted by this is again fixated on Mikey’s topless body. Waldo from behind lifts an unsuspecting Willy and locks in the the Locked Locker Lock! Willy tries to hold on but eventually taps! Referee signals for the bell. Waldo holds on the Willy, takes him to the corner of the Ring and throws him in his Nerd Locker! He locks the Locker and roars as the nerds in the crowd boo heavily.

Bikini Stormrage: The winner of this match via submission, Waldo Williams!

Waldo picks up the locker with Willy inside and walks out of the arena.

Tastic: What a match! Waldo proved to be a true nerd-killer.

elegANT: Absolutely. Willy never got off the blocks. All his childhood fears came to life tonight. Anyways people, All-Stars continues as we await Mikey to go and get dressed properly.

*******************************

For some ungodly reason, there are cameras in Honky Tonk Heaven where we see the Ghost of Barrett Stratton finally ascend to the entrances of the Burley (Tobacco) Gates being greeted by the old scruffy Southern gatekeeper, Feint Pete. Barrett, overwhelmed by the shenanigans happening within the gates, has a huge smile on his face but knows he must pass the test. He walks up to the man in the rocking chair wielding a banjo and a shotgun, looking to enter the graces of heaven.

Pete: What is your name, son?

Stratton: Barrett Stratton.

Pete checks his list.

Pete: Let's see here... you completed your ghostly duties by beating a woman in a match in front of many cheering people. The Almighty might not approve of this shindig but I like the cut of your jib. Welcome to Honky Tonk Heaven!

The gates creep open with Stratton having a big smile on his face. He goes to enter but Pete puts out his hand, telling him to wait.

Pete: But before you enter, you must past one final test to prove your worth.

He pulls out a bucket and some chewing tobacco.

Pete: See if you can chew this here burley and spit it into this here bucket.

Stratton: Oh, I don't chew tobacco.

Pete: Hmmm... I see...

Pete gets up out of his chair and points his shotgun at Stratton.

Pete: You know what happens when you're trespassing in the South, boy?

Stratton: But if Heaven is located in the skies, that's up... and up is in the North, so I'm not trespassing. Yeah, that works. The North is right, right?

Angered, Pete pumps the shotgun, staring menacingly at Barrett.

*******************************

Back on Earth, we see Alhazred taking a piss in the snow writing his name. A couple of seconds later, we see the Ghost of Barrett Stratton hit the snow with a big impact & buckshot holes in him. He groans in pain but cannot get up. Alhazred looks at the sky before aiming his piss stream directly on the Ghost of Barrett Stratton with a smile on his face. He zips his pants and walks off.

As Alhazred walks off, Waldo Williams with a locker on his shoulder walks past. The two look at each other awkwardly as if they know each other. They nod to each other as Alhazred goes somewhere else and Williams sees Stratton on the ground. He shakes his head, picks up the piss-stank ghost and slams him into the locker. He lets out a hearty laugh.

Williams: Stupid polt-nerd-geist!

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Bikini Stormrage: Ladies and gentlemen, the following WZCW All-Stars match is scheduled for one fall!

​

Bikini Stormage: Introducing first, from SimCity, at 5’10 and 180 pounds, Simon!

The crowd buzzes in intrigue as a generic car drives out on the entrance ramp. The door opens, and out comes Simon. He walks down the ramp with bubbly enthusiasm. As he does he smiles and waves his hands over his head as he yells out gibberish. As he goes down the ramp he greets fans before rolling into the ring.

Tastic: Well, Simon definitely seems happy to be here tonight.

elegANT: Of course he does. He is just starting out a brand new career. With no formal background in the course of employment whatsoever, he is ready to take on this new challenge.

Tastic: Well, this is All-Stars, so I guess he will be okay. It’s not like many of our other competitors have formal wrestling training anyway.

​

Bikini Stormrage: And his opponent, from mArt, Texas, at 6’5 and 424 pounds, Doctor Anderson!

???: Tsk, tsk! Come, now! You call that an introduction?

The crowd boos as Doctor Anderson comes out on the entrance ramp with a microphone in hand. He is dressed in a green plaid shirt, blue jeans, black cowboy hat, and complimenting black boots.

Anderson: Where did you learn your public speaking skills? From an e-fed podcast? What a fARce!

The crowd boos at his putdown. Suddenly, a lot of heavyset men wearing the same outfit as Anderson come out and form two single-file lines on opposite sides of him. They randomly point out to the crowd as the real Anderson observes from behind them. Finally, Anderson walks in-between the two lines as he himself points out to random places at the crowd.

Anderson: That’s a form of ART….. and that’s a form of ART…. oh and so is that!

The crowd boos until he finally makes his way into the ring. He stops and examines Simon.

Anderson: Now this is definitely not ART. This is vomit! This is vomART!

Anderson gestures at Simon. Simon looks annoyed as an angry face smiley pops up above his head.

Anderson: Look at the horrible texture. Only in a dystopian future would anyone ever consider such video game trash as AR-

Anderson is cut off as Simon attacks him. He sends of series punches and slaps at Anderson’s face as he drops the mic and backs up into a corner. The referee calls for the bell as the match officially begins.

* DING DING DING *​

elegANT: Simon didn’t seem too happy about Anderson criticizing his appearance.

Tastic: Imagine how his graphic artist feels!

Simon continues his slaps and punches until the referee pulls him off and tells him to back away for a moment. He obliges ands puts his hands up in an innocent manner as if he really didn’t know he was breaking a set of rules. The referee checks on Anderson, but Anderson pushes him away. He shouts insults at his striped shirt and says he would be better off wearing plaid. Simon steps up to intervene, but Anderson shows some incredible agility by pouncing out of the turnbuckle and hitting a stiff clothesline to Simon, who flips and lands on his stomach on the ringmat. Anderson holds on to his cowboy hat that almost falls off from the manuever.

The crowd boos as Anderson rubs his chin from the blows he received moments ago. He snarls and reaches down for a handful of Simon’s hair. Anderson throws his hat off and pulls him into a kneeling position before headbutting him back down. Anderson repeats the process and executes another headbutt! Simon grabs his head in pain. Anderson looks out at the crowd as they boo him some more. Something catches his eye and he points out in the crowd. He shouts, “That is a piece of ART!”

elegANT: Well, Anderson has control of the match, but he doesn’t seem to mind taking some time to point out some “art” in the crowd.

Tastic: Do we even know what this guy is pointing at? He is nuts!

Anderson smiles at his own recognition of “art” and proceeds to pull Simon up into a standing position. He grabs him longways and flips him down onto his back with a scoop slam! The fall sends Simon grabbing his back and trying to crawl away from Anderson. Simon crawls over to a turnbuckle. Anderson follows him as Simon pulls himself up into a standing position. Anderson turns him around and begins delivering a series of knife chops! Simon lets out a cry for each one, but Anderson keeps pushing him back into the turnbuckle for another! Anderson yells out after delivering a few, “I bet that smARTs, doesn’t it?”

Anderson chuckles as he steps away to look out at the crowd. He finds something else in the crowd and points at it. He yells once again, “That is ART!” The crowd boos as he turns back to Simon. This time, Simon sends an elbow to Anderson’s face that sends him staggering backwards. Simon takes this opportunity to jump on top of the turnbuckle to spring himself at a returning Anderson with a missile dropkick! Anderson falls hard on his back with a large thud as the crowd pops. Simon pops up almost instantly after delivering the blow. He runs over to the nearest set of ropes and jumps on the second rung. He flies back for a moonsault that lands on the stomach of Anderson!

elegANT: Simon is able to regain control here with some very quick maneuvers. Anderson's "art" viewing cost him..

Tastic: Yeah, maybe now is not the time to sightsee.

Simon struggles to pull the dazed Anderson up to his feet. However, once he does he pushes him towards some ropes. Anderson bounces off of them and returns to a leaping Simon. FRANKENSTEINER! Anderson rolls on the ringmat as he grabs his head in pain. Simon jumps back up again to another pop.

Simon starts to walk over to the downed Anderson when he stops and begins waving his hands over his head. Simon cries out as he buckles his legs and acts like he has to go pee. The crowd is confused as Simon runs to the ropes and exits the ramp. He runs up the entrance ramp and exits through the gorilla position.

Tastic: Really? A piss break? This isn’t even a Divas Match.

The camera switches to a shot of Simon in the bathroom. He quickly opens up a stall door and pulls down his pants. His lower half is covered by a blocky blur. He sits down and lets out a sigh of relief as a meter lowers above his head. The crowd laugh as we see Anderson, who is now on the outside of the ring, hugging the barricade. He looks up at the titantron and points at it in an exhausted manner. He mutters, “That is not ART!”

Simon finishes his business and casually exits the bathroom. He runs back out on the entrance stage and down the ramp to some cheers. He catches Anderson, who is still on the barricade, and begins delivering a series of forearm smashes. Anderson takes each blow until he drops to slumped sitting position with his back against the barricade. Simon takes this moment to walk over to a vendor who is selling stuff near the ring. Simon exchanges some money with him and buys a lemon. Why a lemon? Because this is All-Stars. Simon takes the lemon and walks back over to Anderson. Simon grabs Anderon’s face and squeezes some juice from the Lemon into Anderson’s mouth. Anderson cries out, “That is too tART!” Simon then takes the rest of the lemon and smashes it over Anderon’s head.

The camera switches to elegANT who looks over at Tastic with a look of “WTF?” Tastic shrugs and then responds.

Tastic: Don’t ask me. It’s like someone let a ******ed frog book this match.

We return to Simon who gestures in front of him. Suddenly, a giant menu pops up with different furniture items to select from. Simon selects a pool. He hovers his hand over the ground as he finds enough room outside of the ring to place the pool. He puts it right where the entrance ramp meets the outside mat. Simon then walks back over to Anderson and pulls him by his tacky green plaid shirt to the pool. Simon throws him into it for a pop from the crowd. Simon then removes the ladder to stop Anderson from escaping the pool.

elegANT: Simon looks like he wants to drown Anderson!

Tastic: I would be okay with that.

Anderson begins flailing the pool as Simon laughs hysterically. However, Anderson quickly realizes that it is dumb that someone would drown simply because there is no ladder in the pool. He swims over to the edge of the pool and lifts himself out. Simon is shocked at this, but he immediately runs up to Anderson. However, the soaking-wet Anderson catches him with a hand to the throat! Simon flails his arms as Anderson lifts him up and executes a chokeslam to Simon down on to the ladder that Simon pulled out of the pool earlier! The crowd cringes at the sound of flesh meeting metal. Simon screams out in pain as he tenses up on the ground. Anderson catches his breath as he stumbles over to the ring apron. He kneels down and looks underneath the ring. He pulls out a paint can. He holds it high in the air as the crowd boos. He runs over to Simon, who is trying to pull himself up with the barricade, and hits him with the paint can!

elegANT: ART-K-O with the paint can from Anderson! Simon just took a full can of green paint to the face!

Tastic: That’s what happens when you bring a pool to a paint can fight.

Anderson drops the can of paint and yanks Simon up by the hair. He pulls him over to the ring and rolls him in underneath the ropes. He slides in and looks out at the crowd. He then points down at the wounded Simon. He yells, “Now, THAT is ART!” The crowd boos as Anderson begins hopping on one foot!

elegANT: Oh no! He is preparing for the Final Exam! A variation of The Worm!

Tastic: That big guy has a variation of The Worm as his finisher?!

Anderson gets into position with a final hop. He yells out, "YOU SHOULD'VE GONE TO ART CLASS!!!!" He then drops for the wormy like flopping. However, his wetness causes him to slip and begin flailing around on the ringmat like a fish out of water.

elegANT: I don’t believe it, he is too slippery to be a worm! He is soaking wet! The pool strategy is actually paying off!

Tastic: Wow!

Simon springs to life as he jumps onto his feet. As Anderson wiggles around on the ringmat like a fish out of water, Simon goes back through a menu that pops up in front of him. He creates a small room with a door and places it in the ring. He then goes and grabs Anderson. He pulls him up to his feet and throws him through the door into the small room. Simon then proceeds to remove the door so it is just the four walls with Anderson inside. Anderson begins banging on the walls from inside the small room. The crowd pops.

Tastic: So, what now?

elegANT: It says here in the game manual that he is going to wait until his opponent’s hunger bar reaches zero and he falls unconscious to pin him.

Tastic: Wow, that could take forever.

elegANT: Yeah, so let’s just fast-forward. What button is it again?

Tastic: Press right on the directional pad.

We zoom through time until we see Anderson begin to wobble around in the small room. He falls on the ground out of hunger. Simon pops back open his menu and removes the four walls. He then drops to his knees and makes the cover. The referee drops down for the count,

1
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
2
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
3!!!

The crowd pops as Simon jumps up with the referee raising his arm.

Bikini Stormrage: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match by pinfall, Simon!

elegANT: Wow, what a bizarre match, but Simon gets the win. Proving to everyone everywhere that a normal guy can do anything he sets his career path to.

Tastic: Also, this is definitely the quickest game of Sims I have ever played.

Simon’s music plays as a message pops up on the screen. Simon has leveled up his career to level 2. He now makes 50k a year and is able to learn the move “Powerbomb”.

*******************************

The screen is black as a serious tone-setting song picks up.

[YOUTUBE]hyK5MErw3r4[/YOUTUBE]​

A grainy black and white filter is over the screen as we see a silent clip (with the music playing over it) of Bruce Irwin standing and preparing for a match in a corner inside of a ring.

The image of Bruce fades out as we see a clip of Beard, who is laying over an opponent after just pinning him. He has crazy eyes as his heavy breath slightly blows the hair above his lips.

Beard fades out as we see Chris K.O. executing a coconut strike to an opponent. He jumps up and pumps his fist to a buzzing crowd in the background.

Chris fades out as we see Veejay walking out on the entrance stage. He gazes out at the crowd with a pondering look.

Veejay fades out as we see Vikram clutching a cricket bat at ringside. He grins evilly while clutching the device.

Vikram fades out as we see elegANT walking down the entrance ramp as he shakes hands with fans in his sport coat, top hat, and cane tucked under his arm.

elegANT fades out as we see Dorian Slaughter sitting in a turnbuckle with heavy eyes as he leers across the ring. His stare is cold and calculating.

Slaughter fades out as we see Mikey Stormrage hitting Game Over on an opponent. The shot then switches to him up on a turnbuckle as a roaring crowd moves like waves in a sea.

Stormrage fades out as an image begins fading on to the black background.

Spoiler

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Bikini Stormrage: Due to Chuck Miles' inability to get out of Mexico, the following match is now a four way elimination match! Based on the massive wedgie I was just given, I presume already in the ring, ______________!

The crowd just kind of sits in awkward silence, not sure if Mikey is being serious, although his wedgie definitely is.

​

Guy Dian jumps through the curtain and points at the crowd before beginning to dance at the top of the ramp.

Bikini Stormrage: Next, from The Tower, The Last City, Earth, at Level 32 and 1626 Defense until the next DLC; hey, this guy is stealing the references I usually make! Screw you, Guy Dian!

He is still dancing, with the cameraman and other stagehands trying to get him to move toward the ring. Finally, he walks to the ring and sits in the middle of it.

​

Rex rushes out onto stage to drum along to the opening drumbeat of his theme. The lights flicker rapidly in time. For a rare moment, he stands still. He surveys the crowd. Satisfied with their utter admiration, and the one man suffering from uncontrollable fitting, he proceeds towards the ring.

Bikini Stormrage: Next, from Thal, Austria, weighing 295 pounds, Rex “The Power” Pooowerlooove! Or Powerlove. Sorry, my “o” key got stuck.

He reaches the apron - now absorbed in the music, head bent low, bouncing to the rhythm - he walks to the left, then back to the right, then back to where he started. He leaps onto the apron in a single bound, breaking his trance. With some difficulty, using his massive strength to hold the ropes down low enough, he climbs over the top rope one step at a time.

​

Gold and white lights flash and flicker along with the beat of the music while the camera pans over the crowd. After a few moments, a motorized two-person sailboat with its sails up and an American flag flying rises from beneath the stage, with Admiral Jack Burton saluting on the deck. He waves his arm forward, and the boat heads toward the ring.

Bikini Stormrage: And finally…forget the intro. He’s from the clear blue sea of freedom and he’s Admiral Jack Burton. Let’s get the USA chant this man deserves going! U-S-A! U-S-A!

The crowd chants along as Burton tosses the anchor overboard. He slaps hands with some fans before climbing into the ring and posing on the turnbuckle.

Powerlove and Dian climb to the apron as the referee calls for the bell, leaving The Admiral and ____________to start the match.

Tastic: Is this some kind of joke? What am I missing here?
elegANT: Oh don’t worry, I made the same mistake when I was preparing for this match. Only two competitors are in the ring at a time, and the others must tag in or come in when a legal competitor goes to the floor until only the final two are left.
Tastic: I know that. I mean, where’s the fourth guy?
elegANT: Good one, champ. There’s two in and two out. I can’t wait to see ______________in action!
Tastic: Also, why have we switched colours?
elegANT: I prefer it this way. Sounds like I... blue you away with my mystical ant powers!
Tastic: ... le sigh.

The Admiral seems just as confused in the ring as Matt Tastic is on commentary, as he looks around the ring to try and find his opponent. Suddenly, he flies backward to the mat from a _____________. Jack scrambles back to his feet, only to be knocked down by another __________. This time when he gets up, he backs into the ropes and is shot off, but manages to hold onto the opposite rope and tag in Guy before sliding to the floor with a stunned look on his face. Dian cautiously comes into the ring, holding the ropes with one arm for comfort. Out of nowhere, he flies backward over the top and to the floor from a _________, landing on top of Burton. Powerlove charges in and tries to dump _____________to the floor, but misses and instead is dumped himself. The three men on the floor slowly get up, but are crushed by a ______________dive from ______________!

elegANT: What a dive from ______________! He looks as though he would fit in with the luchadores you grew up watching, Matt.
Tastic: Wait, you can see him?
elegANT: You can’t?

All three men lie on the floor, but Burton gets pulled up and rolled into the ring. His shoulders are down, 1…2.., he kicks out. Before The Admiral can react he is pulled to his feet and set for














_______________________! Jack spins out and looks to have a roll up so the ref counts, 1…2…3!

Bikini Stormrage: ______________has been eliminated! I think! At least, that’s what we’re going with!

Burton pumps his fist in celebration, but suffers a ___________________to the side of the head from _______________. And then the ref goes flying from a _____________________________________________________________! The medic checks on the referee while Dian and Powerlove stir on the floor and work toward getting back into the ring.

Tastic: What a sore loser, I guess?
elegANT: He should be sore. I would never speak ill of an official, but Burton was pinning air! _________________was standing next to The Admiral!
Tastic: I don’t even…. who is that coming down the aisle?

Charging down the aisle is Chuck Myles! The camera zooms in on him heading toward the ring with a referee shirt on. Before he can make it there, however, the Antarctic Border Patrol (which totally exists, you guys) comes from out of nowhere to arrest him.

Myles: No, see, I have a referee’s shirt! I work here! Please don’t send me back to Mexico!

He is quickly subdued by 5 tasers and a nightstick to the head and carried out of the arena. Instead, generic referee number 8 comes out and replaces the original referee. Admiral Burton manages to roll to the floor just as Dian and Powerlove make it back into the ring, making them the two legal men. Both men get back to their feet. Powerlove throws a right hand, but the helmet Guy wears causes the punch to do more damage to Rex. Dian runs the far ropes, but is planted with a massive spinebuster. Powerlove is fired up and starts to raise the roof. He runs off the ropes, jumps over Dian, and tries to bounce over the opposite ropes, but his leg is hooked by Burton. The Admiral pulls Rex to the floor and scrambles over to pin Guy, 1…, and a kick out. Both men get back to their feet, with a kick to the gut giving Burton the advantage. He takes Dian over with a throw then climbs to the top for a senton, Anchors Away! Rather than going for the pin, he lifts Guy and sets for Fallen Sails, but Guy is able to slip out and land on his feet. When The Admiral turns around, Dian begins swinging away, the Arc Blade! The finishing uppercut stuns Burton, but doesn’t quite take him down. Dian whips Jack into the corner. He stands like he’s balancing on a hoverboard, and jumps toward Burton until he crashes into him over and over again.

elegANT: I know the Speeder Smash is one of Guy Dian’s moves, but I think using that hoverboard should be illegal.
Tastic: Of course you can see an imaginary hoverboard. This show is driving me loco.

The Admiral crashes to the mat. Guy heads to the apron and waits for Jack to get back up. When he does, Dian springboards for the Fist of Havoc! However, Burton manages to grab Dian’s leg out of midair and slam him on his stomach, before locking in The Distress Call. Guy screams out in pain, doing everything he can to crawl toward the ropes. On the opposite side of the ring, Powerlove slides back in and hooks a front facelock onto Burton. With the Admiral still holding Dian, Rex deadlifts Jack for a suplex, and holds them up for a moment before slamming both men into the mat hard.

Tastic: That is one of the craziest things I have ever seen!
elegANT: He must be part ant. I’ve never seen a human that strong!

The crowd explodes at the feat of strength. Powerlove, energized by the crowd’s response, goes to his opponents, pulls them both to their knees, and hooks a front facelock on each. He lets out a roar and performs another deadlift, this time with a man on either side and being held straight in the air. He holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and drops them to the mat after about eight minutes.

He doesn’t release them, however, and manages to get back to his feet and lift them again! He holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and walks around the ring a bit, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and holds them, and finally, after about fifteen minutes, drops them to the mat.

Tastic: I’ll give Rex this: I’ve never heard a crowd count to 900 before.
elegANT: I have 900 siblings, but most of them are nameless worker ants.

Powerlove signals for the end before lifting an opponent onto each should and hitting a double Die Bart, Die! He coves Dian and Burton at the same time, and the ref counts because apparently we’re allowing that, 1…2…3!

Bikini Stormrage: I guess that Guy Dian and Admiral Jack Burton were allowed to be pinned simultaneously, meaning your winner is Rex Powerlove!

Rex poses for the crowd all while bouncing to his music while Dian and Burton are helped to the back.

*******************************

Alhazred is hanging out at the back of his white van, sitting in the most uncomfortable position with his hand down Mikey's underwear (which he is wearing). He sighs, unsure of what to do next since he's done the only thing he knows to kill time multiple times over. He pulls out his sticky hand and exits the vehicle, wiping it all on a depressed Backstage Bob's face. Disgusted and horrified, he runs off looking for the nearest tap or body of water to wash himself. Alhazred grabs the PPV schedule.

Alhazred: Well, last match is next. A ball that isn't mine and a cock-tease against a parody team of whom I hate. Perfect!

He throws the planner away, looking completely bored.

Alhazred: What will I do to pass the time?

With great timing, a man comes out of nowhere, pelvic thrusting towards Alhazred. He looks up and sees a man with chest hair exposed from his jacket and a retro 70's look. He looks sweaty and perverted. Alhazred looks up with intrigue.

Alhazred: Do I know you?

???: I'm the sexiest man on the planet.

Alhazred smiles and gets up.

Alhazred: Yes you are.

Alhazred hip thrusts. The (hopefully not-so) mystery man hip thrusts. The two turn away and hip thrust slowly away from the scene, in perfect synchronisation.

*******************************

We see James Aubrey & Dillon Morse getting dressed into their furry costumes after hearing news that their boss Chuck Myles was unable to get out of Mexico in the previous match. When they are almost ready, they turn to each other.

Morse: Are you ready?

Aubrey: Time to show the world what Furberus can do!

They high-five, put on their Furberus suits and head into the All-Stars Arena.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Bikini Stormrage: The following contest is a tag team match scheduled for one fall and it is your main event of the evening!

[YOUTUBE]_-OY_QsXQLg[/YOUTUBE]​

Furberus come down the runway on all fours. Rupert trips and lands on top of Spex Muffel and they tumble to the ring. When they stand up, they put their paws over their hearts and bark "Hail Furberus!" to the groans of the crowd. Mikey Stormrage, twirling in his bikini, announces the pair.

Bikini Stormrage: Introducing first, weighing in at whatever the hell 190 + 220 is; Spex Muffel and Rupert, FURBERUS!

[YOUTUBE]AIPGyKGuWeA[/YOUTUBE]​

Sandy Desserts walks out with a basket of candy, skipping down the ramp and giving out candy canes and various assortments of candy to the fans as she does the "Too Sweet" hand gesture. She makes sure to give candy to the commentators, announcer and referee before getting into the ring and offering candy to her opponents, both of which decline, the scum!

Bikini Stormrage: And their opponents, first, its rude to loudly announce a woman's weight, from Candyland, "The Candyman" Candy Desserts.

[YOUTUBE]TgKq80su7bM[/YOUTUBE]​

Steve comes out on a bicycle. The bike stops on the entrance ramp until the lyrics start. Then, Steve rides the bike down to the ramp to the ring until the bike crashes sideways into the ring apron. The impact causes Steve to bounce off the bike seat and into the ring.

Bikini Stormrage: And her tag team partner, from The Island, weighing in at 8.1 ounces - I crap more than that! -Steve the Volleyball!

Tastic: Four fine, completely normal competitors in that ring!

elegANT: This match should be a corker!

The match starts with all four people in the ring, Steve and Candy discuss strategy in their corner, while Spex and Rupert are...

Tastic: Are they doing what they think they're doing?

elegANT: Oh my!

Rupert sniffs and cocks a leg against the turnbuckle while Spex has his nose deeply imbedded in Rupert's posterior, much to the disgust of the referee, the crowd, the announcers and the Candyman, all the while Steve rolls menacingly back and forward. The Candyman, who is actually a lady but we won't get into that, climbs onto the apron to allow Steve to start against apparently Rupert.

* DING DING DING *​

The two circle each other, and Rupert goes in for the lock up, but he squeezes far too hard and Steve pops straight out of his arms, flying into his own corner, where Candy Desserts shouts encouragement. Rupert, frustrated, charges straight in for the bronco buster and lands it, gyrating up and down on the trapped volleyball, but Steves unusual frame again makes the move akward and it ends up looking like a very poor gym ball exercise, a fact which Spex was very quick to call out to his annoyed looking tag team partner.

Completely flummoxed, Rupert tags in Spex to see if the other head of Furberus could do any better, and Spex immediately grabs Steve and hits a Gutwrench overhead throw, but Steve bounces and somehow manages to hit Rupert on the upswing, knocking him off the ring apron. The referee, distracted by this doesn't see Candy throw an umbrella stick straight in Spex's face. Horrified by the prospect of sugar in his system, Spex high tails it out of the ring and he and Rupert begin to lick their, and each others, wounds. What they don't see is Steve roll over to the Candyman and receive the tag, Candy then hits a Springboard Candysault on the downed duo, laying them out outside the ring as the audience cheers and Sandy throws candy to the now more than marginally overweight fans, and even some to Mikey Stormrage, who after being told that he has a wonderful figure by Matt and Candy, proceeds to stuff his face.

Using the distraction however, those dastardly furries assault Candy on the outside, the referee, choosing to forego the ten count because I am not a very experience match writer, instead tries half heartedly to stop the beatdown, to no avail, as Ferberus take full control. In an act of bravery worthy of any volleyball, Steve bounces out of the ring and onto Ferberus, but Spex and Rupert are aware, and move just in time for Steve to roll harmlessly out of the way and the pair continue their beatdown of the Candyman. Spex and Rupert throw her into the ring, before Spex finds Candy's candy box and erm, raids it, jumping up and down on all of the fine sweets as the bikini clad Mikey Stormrage looks to hold back tears. Spex goes into the ring where he begins hitting Sandy with power moves galore, including the first three listed in his move set, the Delayed Vertical Suplex, not the gutwrench overhead throw though, since he used that already, but next was an inverted backbreaker into a inverted DDT, after that was the Modified Abdominal Stretch with the ankle pulled back, while Sandy screamed in pain for all you sadists out there.

While this was going on, Rupert had taken the time to subdue the wounded Steve, and in an act of true cunning befitting the more thoughtful member of CerFurberus is now DEFLATING Steve outside the ring, we see the life slowly fading out of the volleyball as the crowd scream for he or Sandy to make a comeback, but Furberus are on the full offensive here. The smile on Steve's face slowly sags, as Candy does something similar in the ring where Spex's submission hold is in full effect. Rupert climbs onto the ring apron calls for the tag, Spex, obviously thinking Candy is not about to submit, drags her over to the corner and obliges, Spex signals for the Spin and Win and spins the Candyman around a dangerous amount of time, throwing her into the turnbuckles where Rupert goes for the bronco buster.

elegANT: All that Candy can't feel good right now for that young lady!

And in true last minute foreshadowing Rupert's move is cut off by a stream of multicoloured vomit hitting him full in the muzzle and covering his fur. Enraged, he goes for something different, a Bronco Buster, this time hitting it in full as Candy really does look worse for wear, and he drags her to the middle of the ring, hitting a leg drop and going for a pinfall, because I suppose some of these should be included. 1, 2, kick out, obviously.

Tastic: That ring really is a bright mess right now.

elegANT: What is your friend doing?

Tastic: Giving mouth to mouth to a volleyball.

True to Matt's word, Mikey is indeed giving mouth to mouth to Steve the Volleyball, and we slowly see the life return to the little guy as it slowly starts rolling to the ring. Rupert tags in Spex, before seeing the advancing menace bearing down on him, he goes to intercept, but Steve is too quick and too deadly, and Rupert takes ball right in the face!

Tastic: BALL RIGHT IN THE FACE!

Right in the face. Rupert goes dizzy and his feral instincts take over, he sees a ball and he wants to play, but Steve is too crafty and avoids him repeatedly, sliding left, right, right around, all the while Spex is watching in confusion as his tag partner runs around outside while Sandy slowly recovers. Suddenly, a whistle is heard from the announcer area, and Rupert instantly looks around to see.

Bikini Stormrage: Hey poochy, over here!

Holding one last candy cane, Mikey throws it into the crowd and Rupert bounds after it, leaving Spex alone against Steve and Candy Desserts. Steve bounces into the ring as Candy stands up behind Spex, realising too late, Spex turns around. He gets hit with a wheelbarrow bodyscissors candydog rheeling straight into an enzuguiri kick from Steve. Before he can go down, he gets hit with a Candy kick, before finally going down after slipping on Steve.

Tastic: OH MY! THAT'S HIS SIGNATURE MOVE!

As Spex climbs back to his feet, Candy hits him with the Rainbow Candy Mist, which doesn't bear speculation, before hitting the "Too Sweet" Tooth, Spex again going down. But the big dog won't stay down for long, and Steve signals for the Spike! somehow!

No! Sandy is too tired to throw Steve after that assault, and her second wind has left her, and SPEX IS CLIMBING TO HIS FEET!

Tastic: No! Sandy is too tired to throw Steve after that assault, and her second wind has left her, and SPEX IS CLIMBING TO HIS FEET!

elegANT: What the Devil?

Tastic: STEVE IS THROWING SANDY!

The above all in CAPS is correct, Steve is lifting Candy into the air and throws her full in Spex's face, causing an instant K.O! The referee, whoever he is, calls for the bell as Woman and Volleyball celebrate in a pile of vomit!

Bikini Stormrage: Here are your winners; Steve the Volleyball and "The Candyman" Candy Desserts!

elegANT: What a masterclass! What a wrestling clinic!

Steve lifts Candy into the air for a final celebration as the pair leave through the crowd and some guy with a mop comes along to clean up the mess. Candy hands out chocolates and lollies whilst Steve has managed to begin crowd-surfing. They make sure to take pictures and sign autographs as they continue to celebrate. Eventually, they wave one last goodbye before leaving into the sunset together, holding each other.

Tastic: Well, that seems like the ending for All-Stars IV then. No interesting ending this time around or anything. Pretty dull for such an important un-important event, don't you think?

elegANT: A civil, peaceful resolution is always welcome.

Tastic: Sounds boring. Ah well, can't win them all. We'll see you guys next time here on All-Stars and WrestleZ-

???: Not so fast!

The crowd boos and throws rubbish at Furberus who are still in the ring, recovering from the match and looking to make a comment.

Tastic: Keep the camera's rolling. This may lead to something good.

Spex Muffel & Rupert stand tall in the middle of the ring, removing the heads off their costumes to reveal themselves as Dillon Morse & James Aubrey. The crowd is shocked and go a bit quieter, not expecting the people inside the Furberus costumes to be former referees... or to actually be people in costumes.

Tastic: Morse & Aubrey? What are they doing in the All-Stars zone?

elegANT: Disgruntled referees looking to receive their final payments... or comeuppance.

Morse & Aubrey raises their microphones.

Morse: We are not closing this show with us taking the loss! It is unacceptable.

Aubrey: This show will not end until we says it ends and we've got a lot to say in our quest to make Furberus known across the world!

The crowd boos at Furberus not letting the show end, despite the fact they could just walk out right now but because they are the audience in a fictional wrestling show, they must stay and they hate it all. Morse pulls out a long list of paper that rolls across the ring. He clears his voice.

elegANT: Is this what you had in mind?

Tastic: I'd rather the clean finish.

Bikini Stormrage tries getting into the ring and defuse the situation. It doesn't work as the former referees begin slapping the crap out of Stormrage, pummelling him.

[YOUTUBE]qk9IQ_NzYVY[/YOUTUBE]​

Before anyone can make the save, the All-Stars special guest host walks out with a microphone in hand. The crowd cheers loudly at his entrance.

Alhazred: You know... I thought taking this position as special guest host would give me excellent perks but it was just a big pile of dog crap! I had to do paperwork, deal with idiots the entire night and I didn't even get a match. Worst of all, the two of you idiots want to prolong the show? Normally, I wouldn't care but I'm completely pissed off and I need a way to vent...

All of a sudden, Alhazred makes a transformation into...

Spoiler

Tastic: Oh my goodness! Alhazred just turned into AlhazRed Skull!

The crowd cheers loudly as AlhazRed Skull stares directly at Furberus.

AlhazRed Skull: And a brought a friend...

[YOUTUBE]vQObWW06VAM[/YOUTUBE]​

AlhazRed Skull: ... Sexton Tempest!

Spoiler

Tastic: Holy crap! A blast from the All-Stars past. It's the sexiest man on the planet, Sexton Tempest.

elegANT: AlhazRed Skull teaming up with Sexton Tempest to take on Furberus... that's incredibly meta for All-Stars.

The crowd screams wildly as Tempest comes out hip-thrusting out of the entrance way. He looks at AlhazRed Skull and the two deliver a big hip thrust before running down the ramp and into the ring! Furberus tries attacking the team but AlhazRed Skull and Tempest absolutely obliterate them with their violent hip-thrusting attacks. Furberus can't do anything but take the punishment.

Tastic: They're taking it to them!

AlhazRed Skull destroys Dillon with a Rising Skull Fist whilst Tempest delivers his signature running pelvic thrust to Aubrey in the corner, who falls down to the canvas. Tempest sways his hips before going down on Aubrey, dry humping the former referee before locking in the Prickly Pillow. Tempest is grinding away at Aubrey with his sweaty, hairy, smelly disco chest, causing Aubrey to pass out from the stench.

Dillon tries getting up but AlhazRed Skull and in position, locking in the Red Skull Fuck! He's got the mandible claw, bringing Dillon down to his kness and begins hip thrusting his face. AlhazRed Skull's wind sock smacks Dillon in the face, making both members pass out from embarrassment and disgust.

Tastic: This is what you call a clinic because we may need some doctors after this.

elegANT: But wait, there's more!

AlhazRed Skull and Tempest pick up the fallen Bikini Stormrage, telling him to get revenge. He looks around the arena for approval of the crowd and they begin chanting his name loudly! Feeling enthusiastic, Bikini Stormrage pulls up his thong and gets poised in position as Skull/Tempest put Dillon & Aubrey in the corner. Bikini Stormrage goes up to the former referees and gives them the Stinkface! He gives it to them, making sure to wipe his buttocks in and around their mouths.

Tastic: This is disgusting but it couldn't happen to a nicer pair of guys!

Aubrey & Dillon are heaving as Bikini Stormrage moves out of the corner, satisfied. Everyone cheers as Bikini gives a curtsey to the crowd. He thanks Tempest and Skull but Tempest is distracted by Bikini, rubbing his chest hair. He starts chatting up Bikini and the two get along real well. Tempest invites Bikini out (who blushes) and they exit the ring together.

Tastic: Well, this is it. Hope you enjoyed All-Stars. Good night from us.

elegANT: Thank you everyone!

The commentators and the crowd begin exiting the arena, leaving the remains of Furberus in the middle of the ring to their own devices who get cleaned up by the janitors, being thrown in the bin.

*******************************

As Alhazred boards the final helicopter out of Antarctica, he pulls out a portable switch.

Alhazred: I always hated the snow.

In the distance on the snow of Antartica, Backstage Bob has yet to find a flight out.

Bob: Wait for me!

However, he is too late as Alhazred presses the button. A big explosion noise can be heard in the distance with chunks of ice and water spewing out like an oil fountain. Slowly but surely, Antarctica begins sinking the ocean, completely submerging the continent.

Bob: Oh crab-baskets.

Bob slowly goes underwater with Antarctica, not fighting his extreme bad luck.

Alhazred: Suck my flaccid dick, Antarctica!

The show ends with Alhazred giving two middle fingers and an angry wind sock gesture towards the sunken continent of Antarctica.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

All-Stars Credits:

Cyberpunk - Williams vs. DuWitt
FalK - Opening, Ending, Segments, Stratton vs. Cyberpunk & Gelgarin vs. Cunderthunt
Kermit - Anderson vs. Simon & Gold Rush Promo
Miko - Furberus vs. Candy & Steve
Spidey - Dynamic Two vs. Ninja Raptor
Thriller - 4 Way Elimination
Yaz - Klockowski vs. The Love Muscle & Ketchum vs. Thomas

Sorry for the tardiness of this show but I believe the wait is worthwhile. Hope you all enjoy the show and rep the appropriate people for their efforts. Let us know what your thought in the Review thread or as a quick comment in the Discussion thread.

See you next year for All-Stars! Love you, darlings!