All or Nothing: Barbosa vs. Titus vs. Gordito vs. Big Dave (World Heavyweight Title)
- Thread starter Ty Burna
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doesn't know REAL wrestling...
*Barbosa is once again sitting on the ground with his gold briefcase unseen near the Gorilla position; although he can see one of the monitors that stud the backstage area. The blaring song and the accompanying announcement identifies where and when he is.*
The Smoker: This could be our chance Constantine could easily bloody Big Dave.
Depressive: We have already said that we are not cashing in purely on the possibility that Big Dave might have a close contest. That is too much of a risk.
Manic: Yeah, we do not want to be so sneaky either.
The Smoker: Shut up!
Depressive: Besides, we already have a match to think about for All or Nothing.
The Smoker: That moron Titus? He likes to act as different people in his little commercials and movies and seems to think that because he donned a mask in the past and took on a different persona for the wrestling cameras that he understands what it is like to be in our head. In reality, he has no idea of our inner workings or what we are truly capable of and he will learn that at All or Nothing.
Anyway, we have already said that our accepting of the match with Titus was merely part of our cashing in smokescreen.
Depressive: Well, we did not exactly say that
*As Barbosa continues his conversation with himself, the Apostles of Chaos make their way through the curtain to ringside. Despite his hidden position and preoccupation, Barbosa does not fail to notice this.*
Depressive: But, of course, we did not say that we will not be keeping our eyes open in case circumstances present us with a better opportunity
However, it is not because we have Titus to contend with at All or Nothing that we are wary of cashing in tonight.
The Smoker: Then why?
*Just as Barbosa goes to answer, Kurtsey, Saxton and Saboteur race through the backstage area to intercept the Apostles, followed by a glut of referees.*
Depressive: Because there will be others involved in any title defense we make.
The Smoker: Why? We are only contracted to face Titus.
Depressive: Yes, but as we have already mentioned, Gordito is scheduled to have a world championship match at that event and Big Dave could easily activate his rematch clause for the same event leaving us to potentially defend against three men at the same time.
The Smoker: What more can we say about Big Dave? We have humbled him so often that we are in danger of adding PTSD to our already extensive parade of afflictions.
Depressive: So we are just going to write off someone who would be the former World Heavyweight Champion? Someone who having lost his long sought after championship to a sneak attack might revert back to the ruthless slayer of opponents that we used to admire? We are not sure that we want to reawaken that dormant dragon when there are already two challengers on our radar.
The Smoker: We do not need to write him off. We just need to drop him on his head one more time. And as for Gordito, what was that Roman imperial family that a similar name to him that we were reading about recently?
Depressive: The Gordiani.
The Smoker: Yeah, them. Gordian I, II and III all experienced brief moments of victory only to be followed by crushing defeats?
Depressive: Correct.
The Smoker: Yeah, well how many times can Gordito recover from failing so spectacularly? We shall tell you once more.
Depressive: But facing them all in the same match is not a good situation. We could end up like Big Dave and lose the title we have striven for for so long.
The Smoker: Defending against three challengers at All of Nothing might not be the best odds but at the same time it will give us the chance to take out three challengers with just one Doppelgänger!
For our opponents, it really would be All Or Nothing; Big Dave will have used up his rematch whilst both Titus and Gordito will have gotten their contracted matches with us and the world champion, whereas we would have a rematch clause should we happen to trip up Anyway, All or Nothing should not impinge on what could be a golden opportunity to cash in tonight.
*Barbosa takes in his own arguments, seemingly swayed by them; so much so that he almost misses Holmes sneaking through the curtain to aid Constantine. But part of him still has concerns.*
Manic: But there are so many scary men out there already and still so many others that could interfere! Where is Blade? Where is Showtime? Where is Gordito? Where is Ty?
The Smoker: If we continue to worry about interference, we will never cash in as there will never be a point when the entire roster is incapacitated. And even then are we going to worry about a returning Rush or Garth Black? No.
We may never get a better opportunity! Big Dave is being massacred and any friends he might have are being kept at bay by the Apostles and the Elite Powertrip!
*Barbosa picks up the briefcase and shouts.*
The Smoker: Our time is NOW!
*After this outburst, Barbosa reverts to an almost tranquil state; a vast contrast to the ensuing chaos unfolding around him as his opponent for Ascension, Sam Smith powers through the Gorilla position to the ringside area. After a few brief moments, Barbosa then nodds.*
Depressive: Yes, our time is now
*Before Barbosa can get excited at this immense decision and its almost incalculable consequences, he reaches out and grabs one of the referees that is heading to the ring to try and bring order.*
Depressive: You will wait here with us.
*The referee, scared out of his wits by being seemingly swallowed up by a monster emgering from the darkness, says nothing and just nodds his head in the affirmative.*
The Smoker: Now that we have our referee, let's go! Destiny awaits.
Depressive: Not yet there is still two more players to show their hand first
*With that, the screaming and booing of fans reaches new heights as the arena is bathed in darkness.*
Depressive: That's one
*The next moments pass in silence as Barbosa holds himself and his referee back but suddenly, once Gordito has sprinted passed to give aid to Big Dave and Sam Smith, the King For A Day springs into action. With suitcase and referee in hand, Barbosa stomps over to the production team and starts barking orders.*
The Smoker: Hit our music!
But the show it over!
Depressive: That matters not.
But there will be no cameras!
The Smoker: You had better fix that and quickly they are not going to want to miss this!
*Barbosa reaches down, lifts his golden briefcase and stomps towards the curtain, dragging the commandeered referee with him. Members of the production team realise what is about to happen and begin furiously flicking buttons and shouting into their headsets to get the cameras rolling and for Copeland and Cohen to return to their positions. Meltdown is going back on air. Enjoying the chaos he has created backstage, Barbosa smirks to himself.*
The Smoker: If they think Ty was doing a good job at creating chaos, just wait until they gets a load of this.
Now hit that Aussie bitch!
*With that, Barbosa steps through the curtain.*
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*Barbosa walks back through the curtain, clutching the World Heavyweight Championship belt that he has just won in the Meltdown 66 overrun to his breast.
There is still a large number of people present backstage despite the show coming to an end. Medical staff are still filing back and forward to the ring dealing with the carnage that has unfolded while the production team are fielding complaints from local television offiliates regarding the interruption to the scheduled broadcast that the Meltdown overrun caused.
There are also several wrestlers mulling about still shocked at what they have just watched on the monitors. Many of them turn to look at the new champion emerging through the curtain but none approach to congratulate the clearly emotional Barbosa, knowing the history of Barbosa's interactions with others and not wanting to risk being "Tucker Grahamed."
All except one.
As Barbosa walks passed the on-lookers without acknowledging their existence, the Internet Warrior seemingly to have let his inner fanboy overtake his reasoning as he bounds over to the new champion. He walks along beside Barbosa who ignores him.*
Internet Warrior: Barbosa! That must be one of the biggest moments in the history of Meltdown! Maybe even WZCW! It was totally epic!
*Barbosa continues to ignore the young new-comer, who does not seem to realise the personal risk he is taking.*
Internet Warrior: It is also a momentous occasion in the history of King For A Day as you are the first holder of the contract to successfully cash in and become world heavyweight champion. Well, there was one king that did become champion but he did not use the contract to do it.
I would just like to be the first to congratulate you on a great achievement and I hope that my first year in WZCW can be as successful as yours.
*With that, the Warrior extends his hand to the champion and for the first time, Barbosa seems to acknowledge that someone has been talking to him throughout his walk back to his dressing room. He stops and stares not at the Warrior but at his outstretched hand. First, a look of bewilderment crosses Barbosa's face as if he is unsure what to do in this situation.
Then after an internal revelation, the champion recoils hiding the belt behind his back seemingly thinking that the brave upstart is trying to steal it. Then after a few seconds of boiling anger that threatens to envelope the Warrior, Barbosa cools off and even gives a hint of a smile before extending his own hand to accept the congratulatory handshake.*
Manic: Thank you! This big shiny belt makes us very hap hap hap
*Barbosa continually stumbles over the word that signifies his joy at becoming WZCW World Heavyweight Champion; so much so that the Warrior tries to finish the sentence for him.*
Internet Warrior: Happy?
Manic: YES! That is it! We are hap
*Suddenly, at the realisation that the gestalt entity that is Barbosa might be experiencing pure, unadultered happiness, his eyes widen and even start to glisten with tears. Almost frantically, he looks up and down the corridor before looking at the Warrior.*
Where am I? Have *sniff* Have you seen my mummy? *sniff sniff*
*Before the shocked Warrior can reply, Barbosa is wracked with a violent coughing fit that leads to him to wrench his hand free from the Warrior's, double over and even drop the World Heavyweight Championship belt to the floor.*
Internet Warrior: Are you okay, Barbosa? They may all be tied up but I may be able to get a medic if you need one.
*The Warrior then pats the back of the bent over champion but that only leads Barbosa to bolt upright with a less than pleased look on his face.*
The Smoker: How dare you lay your hands on your king! *sniff* Can't you see that we are allergic to pathetic losers like you!
*Barbosa bends down and picks up his title belt before entering his dressing room and then turning back to his dumbstruck fan.*
The Smoker: Now go back to your mother's basement before we celebrate our victory by unleashing the beast on you!
*Barbosa then slams the door in the Warrior's face.*
Internet Warrior: Weirdo
*Through the closed door, Barbosa can be heard shouting.*
The Smoker: WE HEARD THAT!
*The Internet Warrior quickly scurries away.*
Harrys: Introducing first, from Washington D.C. and weighing 265 pounds; JOHN CONSTANTINE!
Harrys: And his opponent, from London England, weighing 268 pounds, the WZCW World Heavyweight Champion; BIG DAVE!
Harrys: And his opponent, from London England, weighing 268 pounds, the WZCW World Heavyweight Champion; BIG DAVE!
The Smoker: This could be our chance Constantine could easily bloody Big Dave.
Depressive: We have already said that we are not cashing in purely on the possibility that Big Dave might have a close contest. That is too much of a risk.
Manic: Yeah, we do not want to be so sneaky either.
The Smoker: Shut up!
Depressive: Besides, we already have a match to think about for All or Nothing.
The Smoker: That moron Titus? He likes to act as different people in his little commercials and movies and seems to think that because he donned a mask in the past and took on a different persona for the wrestling cameras that he understands what it is like to be in our head. In reality, he has no idea of our inner workings or what we are truly capable of and he will learn that at All or Nothing.
Anyway, we have already said that our accepting of the match with Titus was merely part of our cashing in smokescreen.
Depressive: Well, we did not exactly say that
*As Barbosa continues his conversation with himself, the Apostles of Chaos make their way through the curtain to ringside. Despite his hidden position and preoccupation, Barbosa does not fail to notice this.*
Depressive: But, of course, we did not say that we will not be keeping our eyes open in case circumstances present us with a better opportunity
However, it is not because we have Titus to contend with at All or Nothing that we are wary of cashing in tonight.
The Smoker: Then why?
*Just as Barbosa goes to answer, Kurtsey, Saxton and Saboteur race through the backstage area to intercept the Apostles, followed by a glut of referees.*
Depressive: Because there will be others involved in any title defense we make.
The Smoker: Why? We are only contracted to face Titus.
Depressive: Yes, but as we have already mentioned, Gordito is scheduled to have a world championship match at that event and Big Dave could easily activate his rematch clause for the same event leaving us to potentially defend against three men at the same time.
The Smoker: What more can we say about Big Dave? We have humbled him so often that we are in danger of adding PTSD to our already extensive parade of afflictions.
Depressive: So we are just going to write off someone who would be the former World Heavyweight Champion? Someone who having lost his long sought after championship to a sneak attack might revert back to the ruthless slayer of opponents that we used to admire? We are not sure that we want to reawaken that dormant dragon when there are already two challengers on our radar.
The Smoker: We do not need to write him off. We just need to drop him on his head one more time. And as for Gordito, what was that Roman imperial family that a similar name to him that we were reading about recently?
Depressive: The Gordiani.
The Smoker: Yeah, them. Gordian I, II and III all experienced brief moments of victory only to be followed by crushing defeats?
Depressive: Correct.
The Smoker: Yeah, well how many times can Gordito recover from failing so spectacularly? We shall tell you once more.
Depressive: But facing them all in the same match is not a good situation. We could end up like Big Dave and lose the title we have striven for for so long.
The Smoker: Defending against three challengers at All of Nothing might not be the best odds but at the same time it will give us the chance to take out three challengers with just one Doppelgänger!
For our opponents, it really would be All Or Nothing; Big Dave will have used up his rematch whilst both Titus and Gordito will have gotten their contracted matches with us and the world champion, whereas we would have a rematch clause should we happen to trip up Anyway, All or Nothing should not impinge on what could be a golden opportunity to cash in tonight.
*Barbosa takes in his own arguments, seemingly swayed by them; so much so that he almost misses Holmes sneaking through the curtain to aid Constantine. But part of him still has concerns.*
Manic: But there are so many scary men out there already and still so many others that could interfere! Where is Blade? Where is Showtime? Where is Gordito? Where is Ty?
The Smoker: If we continue to worry about interference, we will never cash in as there will never be a point when the entire roster is incapacitated. And even then are we going to worry about a returning Rush or Garth Black? No.
We may never get a better opportunity! Big Dave is being massacred and any friends he might have are being kept at bay by the Apostles and the Elite Powertrip!
*Barbosa picks up the briefcase and shouts.*
The Smoker: Our time is NOW!
*After this outburst, Barbosa reverts to an almost tranquil state; a vast contrast to the ensuing chaos unfolding around him as his opponent for Ascension, Sam Smith powers through the Gorilla position to the ringside area. After a few brief moments, Barbosa then nodds.*
Depressive: Yes, our time is now
*Before Barbosa can get excited at this immense decision and its almost incalculable consequences, he reaches out and grabs one of the referees that is heading to the ring to try and bring order.*
Depressive: You will wait here with us.
*The referee, scared out of his wits by being seemingly swallowed up by a monster emgering from the darkness, says nothing and just nodds his head in the affirmative.*
The Smoker: Now that we have our referee, let's go! Destiny awaits.
Depressive: Not yet there is still two more players to show their hand first
*With that, the screaming and booing of fans reaches new heights as the arena is bathed in darkness.*
Depressive: That's one
Harrys: Here is your winner, JOHN CONSTANTINE!
*The next moments pass in silence as Barbosa holds himself and his referee back but suddenly, once Gordito has sprinted passed to give aid to Big Dave and Sam Smith, the King For A Day springs into action. With suitcase and referee in hand, Barbosa stomps over to the production team and starts barking orders.*
The Smoker: Hit our music!
But the show it over!
Depressive: That matters not.
But there will be no cameras!
The Smoker: You had better fix that and quickly they are not going to want to miss this!
*Barbosa reaches down, lifts his golden briefcase and stomps towards the curtain, dragging the commandeered referee with him. Members of the production team realise what is about to happen and begin furiously flicking buttons and shouting into their headsets to get the cameras rolling and for Copeland and Cohen to return to their positions. Meltdown is going back on air. Enjoying the chaos he has created backstage, Barbosa smirks to himself.*
The Smoker: If they think Ty was doing a good job at creating chaos, just wait until they gets a load of this.
Now hit that Aussie bitch!
*With that, Barbosa steps through the curtain.*
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*Barbosa walks back through the curtain, clutching the World Heavyweight Championship belt that he has just won in the Meltdown 66 overrun to his breast.
There is still a large number of people present backstage despite the show coming to an end. Medical staff are still filing back and forward to the ring dealing with the carnage that has unfolded while the production team are fielding complaints from local television offiliates regarding the interruption to the scheduled broadcast that the Meltdown overrun caused.
There are also several wrestlers mulling about still shocked at what they have just watched on the monitors. Many of them turn to look at the new champion emerging through the curtain but none approach to congratulate the clearly emotional Barbosa, knowing the history of Barbosa's interactions with others and not wanting to risk being "Tucker Grahamed."
All except one.
As Barbosa walks passed the on-lookers without acknowledging their existence, the Internet Warrior seemingly to have let his inner fanboy overtake his reasoning as he bounds over to the new champion. He walks along beside Barbosa who ignores him.*
Internet Warrior: Barbosa! That must be one of the biggest moments in the history of Meltdown! Maybe even WZCW! It was totally epic!
*Barbosa continues to ignore the young new-comer, who does not seem to realise the personal risk he is taking.*
Internet Warrior: It is also a momentous occasion in the history of King For A Day as you are the first holder of the contract to successfully cash in and become world heavyweight champion. Well, there was one king that did become champion but he did not use the contract to do it.
I would just like to be the first to congratulate you on a great achievement and I hope that my first year in WZCW can be as successful as yours.
*With that, the Warrior extends his hand to the champion and for the first time, Barbosa seems to acknowledge that someone has been talking to him throughout his walk back to his dressing room. He stops and stares not at the Warrior but at his outstretched hand. First, a look of bewilderment crosses Barbosa's face as if he is unsure what to do in this situation.
Then after an internal revelation, the champion recoils hiding the belt behind his back seemingly thinking that the brave upstart is trying to steal it. Then after a few seconds of boiling anger that threatens to envelope the Warrior, Barbosa cools off and even gives a hint of a smile before extending his own hand to accept the congratulatory handshake.*
Manic: Thank you! This big shiny belt makes us very hap hap hap
*Barbosa continually stumbles over the word that signifies his joy at becoming WZCW World Heavyweight Champion; so much so that the Warrior tries to finish the sentence for him.*
Internet Warrior: Happy?
Manic: YES! That is it! We are hap
*Suddenly, at the realisation that the gestalt entity that is Barbosa might be experiencing pure, unadultered happiness, his eyes widen and even start to glisten with tears. Almost frantically, he looks up and down the corridor before looking at the Warrior.*
Where am I? Have *sniff* Have you seen my mummy? *sniff sniff*
*Before the shocked Warrior can reply, Barbosa is wracked with a violent coughing fit that leads to him to wrench his hand free from the Warrior's, double over and even drop the World Heavyweight Championship belt to the floor.*
Internet Warrior: Are you okay, Barbosa? They may all be tied up but I may be able to get a medic if you need one.
*The Warrior then pats the back of the bent over champion but that only leads Barbosa to bolt upright with a less than pleased look on his face.*
The Smoker: How dare you lay your hands on your king! *sniff* Can't you see that we are allergic to pathetic losers like you!
*Barbosa bends down and picks up his title belt before entering his dressing room and then turning back to his dumbstruck fan.*
The Smoker: Now go back to your mother's basement before we celebrate our victory by unleashing the beast on you!
*Barbosa then slams the door in the Warrior's face.*
Internet Warrior: Weirdo
*Through the closed door, Barbosa can be heard shouting.*
The Smoker: WE HEARD THAT!
*The Internet Warrior quickly scurries away.*
Lee
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's Supermod!
Born in Newcastle in the UK as Titus Avison he was quickly picked out as a gifted actor appearing on the famous British Soap Eastnation Street. It was because of his role as Jim Mitchell that he was offered a role in a movie called Forrest Bump where he shone in the role as Tubba.
That was Titus' first Oscar. Another two followed as played the role of a gay pope and a blind Jew who was gifted with the accordion during World War II. His fourth and final Oscar was for his documentary on professional wrestling and it was during filming of that documentary when he decided it was time to make his lifelong dream a reality: Become the best wrestler in the world.
WZCW had just started and they were due to start their first show called Meltdown, Titus stepped in and lost. He picked himself up and over the next few months became a force to be reckoned with taking on the man known as Mohammed Hasheem. Hasheem was kicked out of WZCW and the USA when it was found he had links to a terrorist organisation which just makes this tale even stranger. WZCW forced Titus out due to the rise of Dynasty. Titus had various options: he could return home to the UK, he could return to Hollywood and be mocked at his failed attempt at wrestling or he could start a new venture.
The people of Newcastle have very weird accents by which they are referred to as Geordies. Titus knew this accent had to go in order to make it in Hollywood and so he put up a map of the USA on his wall and threw a dart: Keystone City, Kansas. The Keystonians were people who welcomed this foreigner and he always visited it during breaks of filming and he got to the point where he called it home. They didn't praise him as a mega celebrity but one of their own.
It was fitting that Titus would choose Keystone City as his new venture, as a young man he looked up to the likes of Batman and Superman and thought it would be a lot easier than it seems to be a so called super hero. After years of wrestling and acting in action roles whilst doing his own stunts Titus had learned how to fight. His first night on the beat he saved an elderly lady from being mugged in the park. This was something that happened nightly and there was not one criminal in Keystone City who could hide from the Red Mask.
Why red? That was asked to Titus once to which he noted that it had more symbolism than any other colour. It means danger and a warning to criminals, it is one of the two Christmas colours and thus offers security to the citizens so they know they are safe. It also is the colour of most winners in England: Manchester United, Arsenal and Liverpool are three of the top teams and they all wear red. Though in another interview he did state that it was the only colour material left in the store.
After crime levels fell to the lowest in history, there was only two things on Red Masks mind. He quickly returned to WZCW and it took barely a month for Dynasty to be destroyed. His next goal? Become the best in that company. The decorated actor went on to become an Elite X champion, a Lethal Lottery winner and finally the World Champion. Things took a turn for the worse as he was forced to retire.
Since then he has returned to that company but things are different. Keystone City has placed a ban on vigilantism and what once made him great is now illegal. So with that the focus is on WZCW and winning the World Heavyweight Championship.
I spent a few days with Titus as he took some unorthodox steps to prepare for his match at All Or Nothing. We started out in Keystone central Park whilst it was dark, as we sat on a bench. He seemed rather subdued.
Leon Kensworth: So you used to do this every night?
Titus: No. I'd never sit on the bench, nor would I always come here. It would always be that tree in the centre there.
Titus points to a group of trees all clustered together, in the middle is one which is a bit taller than the others.
Titus: From the outside you can't see into it, but from the inside you can see out very clearly. It's a full circle of the park and the surrounding area., almost like one of those security mirrors you see dotted around the place.
Leon Kensworth: You've clearly thought this out.
Titus: Most things I do has been thought out and planned to the very last detail. Whether it's in acting or wrestling, I need to know everything that could possibly happen.
I try to open my mouth but Titus and I have worked on and off together for many years, he knows what I'm about to say to this. And quickly interrupts.
Titus: Yes I know, I didn't work everything out last week. Not only did I lose but I tapped out, that's not like me at all.
Leon Kensworth: You were brutally attacked by Barbosa before the match, it's a surprise you even took part.
Titus: I should have known something was up with them, they've been after me for a while. We've faced off already and I defeated them so it's no surprise that they did what everyone else does: attacks me out of nowhere.
Titus seems to be rather frustrated by the whole situation and frankly I don't blame him. It seems to be the story of his tenure here that he gets somewhere and someone stands in his way, but I admire his tenacity at sticking at it.
Titus: The thing is I've wanted to face Cougar for a long time, I finally get the chance and it's blown because of an outside attack. Though you know what my thoughts were seconds after I tapped out?
Leon Kensworth: You laughed.
Titus: Exactly, that smile and laugh on my face was nothing evil or menacing.
I notice that Titus has finally cracked a smile, the first one all evening.
Titus: That crowd. Wow. I lost, I tapped out yet they chanted my name. Without sounding too cocky how many other people would they do that for? The anticipation they had their to know that at All or Nothing they would get me at my best against Barbosa. I've beaten them once before and with the crowd as hot as they were and the realisation that the loss against Cougar didn't dent my motivation there could only be one outcome. At All or Nothing. I would defeat the King For a Day Barbosa and I would entertain the socks off every single person in that crowd and watching at home via PPV.
Leon Kensworth: The stakes are a bit higher now aren't they?
Titus looks at his watch and stands up.
Titus: Time to go Leon.
Leon Kensworth: Why?
Titus: I'll answer some more questions tomorrow, however I need to get home before I do something that could land me in trouble.
We walk off and pass two girls who seem rather drunk. Titus has zipped his jacket halfway up his face so he's not stopped by well-wishers and autograph hunters.
Titus: I hate rules sometimes.
After we pass the girls we hear a scream and turn around: their bag had been stolen by a mugger. We can see the mugger run off.
Leon Kensworth: Aren't you going to do something?
Titus: Maybe I already have.
As we leave the park we see the mugger getting arrested by some police officers. We overhear them saying that it was another anonymous tip off and it makes their job a whole lot easier.
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I'm stood inside Titus' living room, an area that I've seen all too often. The famous glass cabinet is behind me where it has four Oscars, a replica of the Elite X title, a framed picture of him winning the lethal lottery which is strangely signed by every other person who was in that match and lastly a replica of the World Heavyweight championship. No matter how many I see this I am still amazed at his accomplishments.
Titus: Good morning Leon, did you sleep well? I trust you've already had a hearty breakfast.
Leon Kensworth: I did thanks, and yes the breakfast was swell.
Titus: Please, take a seat.
Yet I am always shocked at his humility.
Titus: I'm assuming you're wanting to get straight onto things, picking up from last night.
Leon Kensworth: Pretty much, I had originally planned a full interview yet that didn't go to plan..
Titus: Oh yeah? What were you planning on asking?
Leon Kensworth: I was going to ask you your thoughts on the 6-man match for the final spot at Lethal Lottery and if you were upset that you weren't in it.
Titus: Well as we know things have changed but I'll entertain you on this one. I was both upset and fine at the same time.
Leon Kensworth: How so?
Titus: Lets look at the reason I was annoyed: Ty Burna. Since my return I wanted my hands on him, to pay back for him costing my the gold against Vengeance. I waited and I waited and I called him out. He lost that night and eventually lost his title but I still want my hands on him. How sweet would it have been if I spoiled his plan to bring chaos to WZCW. That would be better than defeating him for the belt.
Leon Kensworth: So why wouldn't you have been annoyed? It seems you missed out on a long awaited match against him.
Titus: Big. Dave. Ball.
I could tell by the look on Titus' face that this was something he'd pushed for for sometime. As far as I recall he's rarely talked about the now former champion Big Dave.
Titus: Once upon a time there were two young men, both had the same name. One was Ace and the other was Big. Like peanut butter and jelly they didn't belong together but somehow it worked and Ace began to shine. Through various matches and chickens and Sesame Street, Big Dave got up to the level of Ace and thus the F.H.D began to shine. Quickly they aligned themselves with Steamboat Ricky and became the Ricky World Order. To cut a long story short, Ace will never wrestle again and Ricky is probably on a boat somewhere after his losses to Baller. That leaves Big Dave.
Leon Kensworth: The man who retired you?
Titus: Exactly. We go way back and frankly payback was due, defeating Big Dave and ending his reign would have been great. My goal was to do that at Lethal Lottery. I had it all planned out: I would defeat Barbosa again and thus Myles and Bateman would put me in the title match. I thought Dave would beat Gordito and Barbosa would bide his time to cash in. Perfect.
Leon Kensworth: That didn't go according to plan though did it?
Titus: It just makes it a lot more interesting.
Leon Kensworth: How?
Titus: I'll tell you over dinner.
I'm glad he ended there, you could see a growing anger in his eyes. So Titus walked off, I assume it was to the gym. Despite having one in his home he likes to use the one in town where other people are. He says it boosts him mentally as the public are always friendly saying how much they want him to win his next match. He definitely needs it this week.
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I'm sat in a restaurant, it's not fancy but neither is it your run of the mill joint either. Titus asked me where I'd like to go, I chose Italian so here we are at Mario & Luigi's Italian Cuisine which I've been told existed before the plumbing brothers did. I've already ordered as I see Titus stroll in, he just says to the waitress the usual before he sits down. We shake hands.
Leon Kensworth: I trust you had a good day?
Titus: Indeed I have. Shall we get onto business?
Leon Kensworth: You have your first shot at winning the world title since you were defeated by Vengeance. Just what does that mean to you?
Titus: I could go on just how personal the feud between myself and Vengeance got, but there is no need as it's all in the past.
I'm quite glad he didn't bring that up, there's a small section of WZCW history I can't remember and I've been banned from checking up on it. It must have been quite intense between the two men.
Leon Kensworth: So many things interlink in this match so how can you see it fare out?
Titus: Well Big Dave won the gold and was due to face Gordito so there's been a nice level of distrust between the two of them. Barbosa comes in and rips up the history book. Big Dave will hate them for that but Gordito has had more history with Barbosa than myself and Everest.
Titus laughs at this as our food arrives.
Leon Kensworth: So what will your strategy be?
Titus: I'll leave Gordito to his own devices. Barbosa has defeated him plenty of times so he'll want to make a name for himself. However Dave will want Barbosa and Barbosa will want me. By those logics Gordito out of the way would serve Dave and them better taking it down to the final three.
Leon Kensworth: So who would you want out next?
Titus: Do you really need to ask?
I can tell by the look on Titus' face as he eats his lasagne that I didn't need to at all.
Titus: Barbosa took advantage of an already beaten down Dave yet Dave kicked out first. The feeling that he was robbed will motivate him in this. Now from my point of view I've defeated Barbosa with some style not too long ago so the fans will want to see Big Dave v Titus in the final. Dave's more of a fans guy at the moment so he'll ally himself with me to take down the person who defeated him. I've never beaten Dave one on one but Barbosa has.
Leon Kensworth: That would leave the two foes?
Titus: Exactly, the WZCW universe has waited to see this match for well over a year and they'll get it in the final. Whilst Dave has shot up, I shot down. Then Dave began to shoot down as I shot up. Now we're both on the same level and this will be a clash of true titans. Yet there will be only one winner.
Leon Kensworth: Simple as that?
Titus: No, I need to be on guard because the Apostles of Chaos will not like that win one bit. They'll want to spoil the party.
Leon Kensworth: Then what?
Titus: Sorry?
I knew I had him then, the next question would be something that Johnny would be proud of, even Stacey would give a silent nod. Titus puts the forks on the table because I think he knows what's coming.
Leon Kensworth: Yes you are a former champion but the key word is former. You think of great wins and you think of yours at Kingdom Come, but if you think of great reigns yours is definitely not up there. In fact it's probably near the bottom.
Titus: What, do you expect me to defend it, to say it was a good reign? It was terrible. I lost to many people including Ty, Blade and Vengeance. Titus became a shell and my focus went haywire. I lost and with that I spiralled and lost my job. I came back a new man and knew that I could make an impact in this company. There are some people who can't remember my first run or even second run so the time to stand is now. They've heard legends of this person, I know them to be true.
The waitress comes over to collect the bill, Titus gives her $250, the meal only came to $50. Titus tells her it's a tip and wishes her a very Merry Christmas. How can someone seem so upbeat and tense at the same time? I wish I had worked how he did it.
That was Titus' first Oscar. Another two followed as played the role of a gay pope and a blind Jew who was gifted with the accordion during World War II. His fourth and final Oscar was for his documentary on professional wrestling and it was during filming of that documentary when he decided it was time to make his lifelong dream a reality: Become the best wrestler in the world.
WZCW had just started and they were due to start their first show called Meltdown, Titus stepped in and lost. He picked himself up and over the next few months became a force to be reckoned with taking on the man known as Mohammed Hasheem. Hasheem was kicked out of WZCW and the USA when it was found he had links to a terrorist organisation which just makes this tale even stranger. WZCW forced Titus out due to the rise of Dynasty. Titus had various options: he could return home to the UK, he could return to Hollywood and be mocked at his failed attempt at wrestling or he could start a new venture.
The people of Newcastle have very weird accents by which they are referred to as Geordies. Titus knew this accent had to go in order to make it in Hollywood and so he put up a map of the USA on his wall and threw a dart: Keystone City, Kansas. The Keystonians were people who welcomed this foreigner and he always visited it during breaks of filming and he got to the point where he called it home. They didn't praise him as a mega celebrity but one of their own.
It was fitting that Titus would choose Keystone City as his new venture, as a young man he looked up to the likes of Batman and Superman and thought it would be a lot easier than it seems to be a so called super hero. After years of wrestling and acting in action roles whilst doing his own stunts Titus had learned how to fight. His first night on the beat he saved an elderly lady from being mugged in the park. This was something that happened nightly and there was not one criminal in Keystone City who could hide from the Red Mask.
Why red? That was asked to Titus once to which he noted that it had more symbolism than any other colour. It means danger and a warning to criminals, it is one of the two Christmas colours and thus offers security to the citizens so they know they are safe. It also is the colour of most winners in England: Manchester United, Arsenal and Liverpool are three of the top teams and they all wear red. Though in another interview he did state that it was the only colour material left in the store.
After crime levels fell to the lowest in history, there was only two things on Red Masks mind. He quickly returned to WZCW and it took barely a month for Dynasty to be destroyed. His next goal? Become the best in that company. The decorated actor went on to become an Elite X champion, a Lethal Lottery winner and finally the World Champion. Things took a turn for the worse as he was forced to retire.
Since then he has returned to that company but things are different. Keystone City has placed a ban on vigilantism and what once made him great is now illegal. So with that the focus is on WZCW and winning the World Heavyweight Championship.
I spent a few days with Titus as he took some unorthodox steps to prepare for his match at All Or Nothing. We started out in Keystone central Park whilst it was dark, as we sat on a bench. He seemed rather subdued.
Leon Kensworth: So you used to do this every night?
Titus: No. I'd never sit on the bench, nor would I always come here. It would always be that tree in the centre there.
Titus points to a group of trees all clustered together, in the middle is one which is a bit taller than the others.
Titus: From the outside you can't see into it, but from the inside you can see out very clearly. It's a full circle of the park and the surrounding area., almost like one of those security mirrors you see dotted around the place.
Leon Kensworth: You've clearly thought this out.
Titus: Most things I do has been thought out and planned to the very last detail. Whether it's in acting or wrestling, I need to know everything that could possibly happen.
I try to open my mouth but Titus and I have worked on and off together for many years, he knows what I'm about to say to this. And quickly interrupts.
Titus: Yes I know, I didn't work everything out last week. Not only did I lose but I tapped out, that's not like me at all.
Leon Kensworth: You were brutally attacked by Barbosa before the match, it's a surprise you even took part.
Titus: I should have known something was up with them, they've been after me for a while. We've faced off already and I defeated them so it's no surprise that they did what everyone else does: attacks me out of nowhere.
Titus seems to be rather frustrated by the whole situation and frankly I don't blame him. It seems to be the story of his tenure here that he gets somewhere and someone stands in his way, but I admire his tenacity at sticking at it.
Titus: The thing is I've wanted to face Cougar for a long time, I finally get the chance and it's blown because of an outside attack. Though you know what my thoughts were seconds after I tapped out?
Leon Kensworth: You laughed.
Titus: Exactly, that smile and laugh on my face was nothing evil or menacing.
I notice that Titus has finally cracked a smile, the first one all evening.
Titus: That crowd. Wow. I lost, I tapped out yet they chanted my name. Without sounding too cocky how many other people would they do that for? The anticipation they had their to know that at All or Nothing they would get me at my best against Barbosa. I've beaten them once before and with the crowd as hot as they were and the realisation that the loss against Cougar didn't dent my motivation there could only be one outcome. At All or Nothing. I would defeat the King For a Day Barbosa and I would entertain the socks off every single person in that crowd and watching at home via PPV.
Leon Kensworth: The stakes are a bit higher now aren't they?
Titus looks at his watch and stands up.
Titus: Time to go Leon.
Leon Kensworth: Why?
Titus: I'll answer some more questions tomorrow, however I need to get home before I do something that could land me in trouble.
We walk off and pass two girls who seem rather drunk. Titus has zipped his jacket halfway up his face so he's not stopped by well-wishers and autograph hunters.
Titus: I hate rules sometimes.
After we pass the girls we hear a scream and turn around: their bag had been stolen by a mugger. We can see the mugger run off.
Leon Kensworth: Aren't you going to do something?
Titus: Maybe I already have.
As we leave the park we see the mugger getting arrested by some police officers. We overhear them saying that it was another anonymous tip off and it makes their job a whole lot easier.
________________________________________________________________________________
I'm stood inside Titus' living room, an area that I've seen all too often. The famous glass cabinet is behind me where it has four Oscars, a replica of the Elite X title, a framed picture of him winning the lethal lottery which is strangely signed by every other person who was in that match and lastly a replica of the World Heavyweight championship. No matter how many I see this I am still amazed at his accomplishments.
Titus: Good morning Leon, did you sleep well? I trust you've already had a hearty breakfast.
Leon Kensworth: I did thanks, and yes the breakfast was swell.
Titus: Please, take a seat.
Yet I am always shocked at his humility.
Titus: I'm assuming you're wanting to get straight onto things, picking up from last night.
Leon Kensworth: Pretty much, I had originally planned a full interview yet that didn't go to plan..
Titus: Oh yeah? What were you planning on asking?
Leon Kensworth: I was going to ask you your thoughts on the 6-man match for the final spot at Lethal Lottery and if you were upset that you weren't in it.
Titus: Well as we know things have changed but I'll entertain you on this one. I was both upset and fine at the same time.
Leon Kensworth: How so?
Titus: Lets look at the reason I was annoyed: Ty Burna. Since my return I wanted my hands on him, to pay back for him costing my the gold against Vengeance. I waited and I waited and I called him out. He lost that night and eventually lost his title but I still want my hands on him. How sweet would it have been if I spoiled his plan to bring chaos to WZCW. That would be better than defeating him for the belt.
Leon Kensworth: So why wouldn't you have been annoyed? It seems you missed out on a long awaited match against him.
Titus: Big. Dave. Ball.
I could tell by the look on Titus' face that this was something he'd pushed for for sometime. As far as I recall he's rarely talked about the now former champion Big Dave.
Titus: Once upon a time there were two young men, both had the same name. One was Ace and the other was Big. Like peanut butter and jelly they didn't belong together but somehow it worked and Ace began to shine. Through various matches and chickens and Sesame Street, Big Dave got up to the level of Ace and thus the F.H.D began to shine. Quickly they aligned themselves with Steamboat Ricky and became the Ricky World Order. To cut a long story short, Ace will never wrestle again and Ricky is probably on a boat somewhere after his losses to Baller. That leaves Big Dave.
Leon Kensworth: The man who retired you?
Titus: Exactly. We go way back and frankly payback was due, defeating Big Dave and ending his reign would have been great. My goal was to do that at Lethal Lottery. I had it all planned out: I would defeat Barbosa again and thus Myles and Bateman would put me in the title match. I thought Dave would beat Gordito and Barbosa would bide his time to cash in. Perfect.
Leon Kensworth: That didn't go according to plan though did it?
Titus: It just makes it a lot more interesting.
Leon Kensworth: How?
Titus: I'll tell you over dinner.
I'm glad he ended there, you could see a growing anger in his eyes. So Titus walked off, I assume it was to the gym. Despite having one in his home he likes to use the one in town where other people are. He says it boosts him mentally as the public are always friendly saying how much they want him to win his next match. He definitely needs it this week.
________________________________________________________________________________
I'm sat in a restaurant, it's not fancy but neither is it your run of the mill joint either. Titus asked me where I'd like to go, I chose Italian so here we are at Mario & Luigi's Italian Cuisine which I've been told existed before the plumbing brothers did. I've already ordered as I see Titus stroll in, he just says to the waitress the usual before he sits down. We shake hands.
Leon Kensworth: I trust you had a good day?
Titus: Indeed I have. Shall we get onto business?
Leon Kensworth: You have your first shot at winning the world title since you were defeated by Vengeance. Just what does that mean to you?
Titus: I could go on just how personal the feud between myself and Vengeance got, but there is no need as it's all in the past.
I'm quite glad he didn't bring that up, there's a small section of WZCW history I can't remember and I've been banned from checking up on it. It must have been quite intense between the two men.
Leon Kensworth: So many things interlink in this match so how can you see it fare out?
Titus: Well Big Dave won the gold and was due to face Gordito so there's been a nice level of distrust between the two of them. Barbosa comes in and rips up the history book. Big Dave will hate them for that but Gordito has had more history with Barbosa than myself and Everest.
Titus laughs at this as our food arrives.
Leon Kensworth: So what will your strategy be?
Titus: I'll leave Gordito to his own devices. Barbosa has defeated him plenty of times so he'll want to make a name for himself. However Dave will want Barbosa and Barbosa will want me. By those logics Gordito out of the way would serve Dave and them better taking it down to the final three.
Leon Kensworth: So who would you want out next?
Titus: Do you really need to ask?
I can tell by the look on Titus' face as he eats his lasagne that I didn't need to at all.
Titus: Barbosa took advantage of an already beaten down Dave yet Dave kicked out first. The feeling that he was robbed will motivate him in this. Now from my point of view I've defeated Barbosa with some style not too long ago so the fans will want to see Big Dave v Titus in the final. Dave's more of a fans guy at the moment so he'll ally himself with me to take down the person who defeated him. I've never beaten Dave one on one but Barbosa has.
Leon Kensworth: That would leave the two foes?
Titus: Exactly, the WZCW universe has waited to see this match for well over a year and they'll get it in the final. Whilst Dave has shot up, I shot down. Then Dave began to shoot down as I shot up. Now we're both on the same level and this will be a clash of true titans. Yet there will be only one winner.
Leon Kensworth: Simple as that?
Titus: No, I need to be on guard because the Apostles of Chaos will not like that win one bit. They'll want to spoil the party.
Leon Kensworth: Then what?
Titus: Sorry?
I knew I had him then, the next question would be something that Johnny would be proud of, even Stacey would give a silent nod. Titus puts the forks on the table because I think he knows what's coming.
Leon Kensworth: Yes you are a former champion but the key word is former. You think of great wins and you think of yours at Kingdom Come, but if you think of great reigns yours is definitely not up there. In fact it's probably near the bottom.
Titus: What, do you expect me to defend it, to say it was a good reign? It was terrible. I lost to many people including Ty, Blade and Vengeance. Titus became a shell and my focus went haywire. I lost and with that I spiralled and lost my job. I came back a new man and knew that I could make an impact in this company. There are some people who can't remember my first run or even second run so the time to stand is now. They've heard legends of this person, I know them to be true.
The waitress comes over to collect the bill, Titus gives her $250, the meal only came to $50. Titus tells her it's a tip and wishes her a very Merry Christmas. How can someone seem so upbeat and tense at the same time? I wish I had worked how he did it.
DirtyJosé
Best angle of all: retirement
We open to Leon Kensworth in a suit with a Christmas themed tie holding a mic. He's looking just beyond the camera with a smile on his face. Behind him is a Santa's Workshop themed stage, complete with a giant chair, trees with lights and decorations, and a line of kids all grinning with anticipation. Leon opens his mouth to talk.
Leon: It looks great on you. I'm kind of jealous that...
Voice: Shut it, Kensworth. If you like it so much, you should be dressed up like this.
The camera pulls back some as Johnny Klamor steps into view, dressed up like Santa Claus. His suit is a little lumpy from stuffing that obviously fills it out. His fake beard is pulled down underneath his chin. He does not look like he is sharing in the spirit of the holidays.
Klamor: I can not believe the office had the audacity to give this assignment to me. I'm a respected journalist, damnit.
The kids all seem to notice Santa Claus is not in a great mood and their smiles turn into worried stares for a moment.
Leon: Look, these kids are here to see Santa Claus and to give him their Christmas wishes for WZCW. Why can't you just get into the spirit for this, just for a little bit?
Leon goes to adjust the beard on Klamor's face. Klamor, however, slaps Leon's hands away and fixes it himself.
Klamor: What's next, huh? Easter Bunny Klamor? Cupid Klamor? I can't believe that I'm...
Klamor looks to the children and then spreads his arms wide. He begins to talk in a deep and jolly voice...well, as jolly as he can muster anyway.
Klamor: HO HO HO! Oh, boys and girls, Santa is here! Ready to hear your wishes!
The kids get excited again and staring yelling out and cheering. Klamor swipes the mic out of Leon's hand and goes to take a seat upon Santa's throne. The camera comes forward as the first child takes his seat upon Klamor's lap.
Klamor: Ho ho ho, ah well, what's your name little child?
Child 1: Aren't you supposed to know that Santa?
Klamor shoots Leon an annoyed look. Leon is smiling though, and merely waves him off with his hands to get him to continue.
Klamor: Well...you see...I guess it's not important. Anyway...
The child looks a little dejected for a moment, but soon forgets about it.
Klamor: It's the holiday season here at WZCW, and Santa wants to know what it is you're wishing for.
Child 1: Santa, I really really really really want to see Runn Reynolds Runn win the Tag Titles! They're really cool and I want to be cool like them and I want to see them win, so please Santa, that's what I want.
Klamor drops the Santa voice.
Klamor: Reynolds and Runn? Those two clowns couldn't find their way out of a paper bag. Reynolds just couldn't cut it as a singles player and went and found a bigger idiot than himself to make a team with. Why would you ever want them to...
Klamor notices that Leon is starting at him with a disappointed look on his face. Klamor looks from him back to the child, who's face is a mess of heartbreak. He picks up the Santa voice again.
Klamor: I mean...erm...ho ho ho! I'll...uh...see what I can do, ok little boy? Runn Reynolds Runn versus Mind Over Matter for the Tag Team titles, this Sunday at All or Nothing.
Klamor looks to the camera.
Klamor: This Sunday on Pay-Per-View! Don't miss it!
He looks back to the line of children as he casually pushes the child off of his lap. Leon takes the kid and gives him a shirt and a candy cane as he leads him away.
Klamor: All right, who's next?
Another small boy climbs up upon Klamor's lap. He's a bit more subdued than the previous child.
Klamor: Hey there, little fella. What's got you down? What can Santa do to make you cheer up for the holidays?
Child 2: Well, Santa...those Apostles of Chaos...they're always ruining things. They don't play by the rules, and...and...well, they're just bullies. And it makes me sad to see when people are like that. So, what I want is Action Saxton, Dr. Kurtesy, and that super cool ninja Saboteur to teach them a lesson.
The kid starts looking a little more excited now. Klamor, however, isn't as enthused.
Klamor: What is it with you kids? You have the most pedestrian tastes in WZCW perfomers. Saxton? Kurtesy? Saboteur? The Apostles are bullies? What planet are you from? Ty's followers are working to make Ty's even more relevant than he's ever been before, and when...
Klamor looks up to Leon, who is making a slicing hand sign in front of his throat. Klamor looks down at the kid, who is now looking rather depressed. He looks back up to Leon, who is now rolling his hands in effort to get him to continue with the Santa charade.
Klamor: Well, what matters is that they'll have their chance to show those...bullies...what it is they are truly made of at All or Nothing.
The child leaps off of Klamor's lap rather quickly. He doesn't seem lifted by Klamor's words. Leon is facepalming while the next child, a little girl, runs up to Klamor before he has a chance to turn around.
Klamor: Oh, well, hello there little...
Child 3: Santa, are you real? Are the elves real? Are the reindeer real? How do they fly? How do you fit your fat butt down a chimney anyway? Where do presents come from? Do the elves make the presents? Do you like cookies? Why don't you shave? Why...
Klamor puts his hand over the child's mouth.
Klamor: Oh ho ho, there little one. You're gonna drive Santa crazy if you keep on like that. Tell Santa now...what is your WZCW Christmas wish, eh?
He slowly removes his hand from the girl's mouth. In contrast to her previous rapid fire delivery of questions, this time she speaks slowly and carefully.
Child 3: Santa, what I really really really really want to see this year is a new World Heavyweight Champion.
Klamor: But child, we already have one of those? Didn't you see when Barbosa cashed in his King for a Day contract and beat the bejeezus out of Big Dave?
Child 3: Yes, Santa, but that's not what I want. I'm tired of seeing the bad guys at the top. I'm tired of seeing the mean, terrible ones be the ones who win. I want to see someone new win. I want to see someone exciting win. Someone who loves all of us watching at home and goes out to show it each and every week.
Klamor: So...you want Titus to win the championship?
The child giggles.
Child 3: No, silly Santa. I want The Dirty One, Gordito, to be the new WZCW World Heavyweight Champion...
The child barely finishes the word "Champion" before Klamor almost shoves her off of his lap. Leon panics and goes to retrieve the child before Klamor hurts her. He takes her aside and comforts her with gifts while Klamor barks at her from Santa's throne.
Klamor: Gordito? What the hell kind of example is that?! Where the hell does he get off appealing to small children? What the hell is wrong with this world? Titus I would have accepted. Big Dave I would accepted. But that fat worthless slob? There must be something wrong with your parents, child. I have half a mind to call protective services if that's the kind of hero they'll let you have. You must be out of your mind. That man...that pig is a stain on this promotion, and I will not rest until I see him tossed out on his ass and exposed as the fraud that he really is. He's a fake! A phoney! A shill! He's...he's...
Voice: NEXT IN LINE! WEEE!
Klamor hardly has time to turn to see who said this when Gordito comes out of nowhere, running up to and jumping on to his lap. The chair underneath Klamor gives out and collapses. The rest of the kids in line are all laughing quite hysterically. Before Klamor can move, Gordito has wrapped his arm around his head and holds him quite tightly. Klamor is clearly uncomfortable, but can't escape his predicament. Gordito pics up the mic where it has fallen beside them.
Gordito: Oh, Santa, would you like to know what I want for Christmas?
Klamor: ...get...off...of...me...
Gordito: I would like a new paint job for the party van. And a new amp. Maybe some new hats. I could always use some more socks, too. They make great stocking stuffers. Let's see...
Klamor: ...i mean it...you big oaf...get off of...
Gordito: And I'd like to get things for other people, you know? It's the season of giving, the season of sharing, and I'd hate to keep this all to myself. So, I'd like to get Ty Burna a smile this year. And I'd like to get Runn and Reynolds some fancy matching pants, possibly in leather. And I'd like to get my good chum Kurtesy some nice vintage wine to share with his assistant. And I'd like to get Saboteur a new blade. I want to give Sean Cruz a nice new heavy cast iron skillet...maybe he'll even use it in his match this Sunday, just to show me how much he loves it. And S.H.I.T., can't forget that guy. I want to get him some plug in Christmas lights. Think he'd like that?
Klamor: ...i...don't...care...
Leon has returned now and can only stand by and watch, vainly trying to suppress his laughter.
Gordito: What else...hmm...a book of proper etiquette and manners for Constantine, a sense of relevance for Stephen Holmes, the finest bag of Colombian Sugar for my homie Toyota resting up at home. Am I forgetting anything?
Klamor: ...that...I'm asking you...to...get off...of me...
Gordito: Oh, right, well, there is ONE other thing I want Santa. One special thing for The Dirty One. You see, this year has been up and down for me. I've smiled and I've frowned. But I've taken it all as best I can and I refused to ever letting something stop me from achieving my dreams. And so here I am, on the eve of my return to All or Nothing. And this time, instead of just one, I have three opponents standing between me and that ultimate prize, the WZCW World Heavyweight Championship. I've come close to it before, but this time it would extra super duper special if I could make that last big leap from being a hero to being a legend.
Klamor: ...over...my...dead...body...
Gordito: Don't talk like that, Johnny, there are kids around. Anyway, I've certainly got an all star cast of opponents, don't I? I mean, I'd be the only one there never to have held a belt before, wouldn't I? Big Dave? There's a big name. He's not dead yet, even if Barbosa was able to take advantage of him. I know the things Dave can do, the ways he can just steal a victory right out of your mouth. And Titus! Oh my lord, Titus. He was a legend before I got here. I remember my first night, when he debuted the belt as we know it. I've seen him go through hell and back and still stand tall. And what a guy on top of all of that! I mean, just one of the nicest, friendliest, and awesome guys you could ever hope to work with. I'm not going to catch either of these guys napping. And then Barbosa, the champ himself. Of all the guys I've feuded with around here, of all the dance partners I've had, Barbosa is up there when it comes to a true rival. He's also up there when it comes to being straight up 100% loco.
Klamor: ...he's...still...going to...crush you...
Gordito: Well, that's just, like, your opinion baby. He might. But I have other things in mind. I respect all of my opponents, Johnny, and I've even been friendly with a few of them. But they and I know that come Sunday, all bets are off. Come All or Nothing, I'll be the only one out there that isn't a former or current World Heavyweight Champion, and the taste of it...the desire for it...will be burning that much brighter within me because of it. I just want it that much more. I will do what I have to...I will take whatever beating is necessary...and I'll stand tall through all of it if it's means me walking out of All or Nothing as the new World Heavyweight Champion. I've fought so very hard since coming back to get here, and I've saved the best of me for last. I'm just honored that I get to share this moment with not just one but three other top tier competitors.
Klamor: ...fine...fine...now would...you please...
Gordito: Johnny, are you hurt? I'm sorry, baby. I would hate to think that I make you feel uncomfortable.
Gordito stands up and yanks Klamor up by his collar. He dusts him off a bit before dusting himself off. The kids are still laughing, pointing at Klamor and his suit, which is now torn in a few places. Klamor can only stare at Gordito with rage in his eyes. Gordito smirks at him.
Gordito: Has anyone told you that you make a horrible Santa? Leon is probably better suited for it. Was this your silly idea?
Klamor: That's it! GET OUT OF HERE! GET LOST! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! I don't want to have to look at your smug stupid face any longer.
Gordito shrugs and leaves the way he came, high fiving the kids left in line as he does so. Their cheers grow louder as Klamor begins ripping off his suit and beard. Leon heads over to calm him down.
Klamor: I told them I didn't want to do this. This was the stupidest idea I've ever seen from them and...
Leon: Johnny, we still have kids to...
Klamor: Get away from me you dolt! I've had enough of this.
Klamor shoves Leon away. He goes to storm away, but he stumbles on some debris and falls into a Christmas tree. Decorations fall to the ground and break as he struggles to stand up again and gets caught up in light wires. The kids are all pointing and laughing as hard as they can.
Klamor: I! HATE! HIM! I HATE GORDITO! I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE....
Leon: It looks great on you. I'm kind of jealous that...
Voice: Shut it, Kensworth. If you like it so much, you should be dressed up like this.
The camera pulls back some as Johnny Klamor steps into view, dressed up like Santa Claus. His suit is a little lumpy from stuffing that obviously fills it out. His fake beard is pulled down underneath his chin. He does not look like he is sharing in the spirit of the holidays.
Klamor: I can not believe the office had the audacity to give this assignment to me. I'm a respected journalist, damnit.
The kids all seem to notice Santa Claus is not in a great mood and their smiles turn into worried stares for a moment.
Leon: Look, these kids are here to see Santa Claus and to give him their Christmas wishes for WZCW. Why can't you just get into the spirit for this, just for a little bit?
Leon goes to adjust the beard on Klamor's face. Klamor, however, slaps Leon's hands away and fixes it himself.
Klamor: What's next, huh? Easter Bunny Klamor? Cupid Klamor? I can't believe that I'm...
Klamor looks to the children and then spreads his arms wide. He begins to talk in a deep and jolly voice...well, as jolly as he can muster anyway.
Klamor: HO HO HO! Oh, boys and girls, Santa is here! Ready to hear your wishes!
The kids get excited again and staring yelling out and cheering. Klamor swipes the mic out of Leon's hand and goes to take a seat upon Santa's throne. The camera comes forward as the first child takes his seat upon Klamor's lap.
Klamor: Ho ho ho, ah well, what's your name little child?
Child 1: Aren't you supposed to know that Santa?
Klamor shoots Leon an annoyed look. Leon is smiling though, and merely waves him off with his hands to get him to continue.
Klamor: Well...you see...I guess it's not important. Anyway...
The child looks a little dejected for a moment, but soon forgets about it.
Klamor: It's the holiday season here at WZCW, and Santa wants to know what it is you're wishing for.
Child 1: Santa, I really really really really want to see Runn Reynolds Runn win the Tag Titles! They're really cool and I want to be cool like them and I want to see them win, so please Santa, that's what I want.
Klamor drops the Santa voice.
Klamor: Reynolds and Runn? Those two clowns couldn't find their way out of a paper bag. Reynolds just couldn't cut it as a singles player and went and found a bigger idiot than himself to make a team with. Why would you ever want them to...
Klamor notices that Leon is starting at him with a disappointed look on his face. Klamor looks from him back to the child, who's face is a mess of heartbreak. He picks up the Santa voice again.
Klamor: I mean...erm...ho ho ho! I'll...uh...see what I can do, ok little boy? Runn Reynolds Runn versus Mind Over Matter for the Tag Team titles, this Sunday at All or Nothing.
Klamor looks to the camera.
Klamor: This Sunday on Pay-Per-View! Don't miss it!
He looks back to the line of children as he casually pushes the child off of his lap. Leon takes the kid and gives him a shirt and a candy cane as he leads him away.
Klamor: All right, who's next?
Another small boy climbs up upon Klamor's lap. He's a bit more subdued than the previous child.
Klamor: Hey there, little fella. What's got you down? What can Santa do to make you cheer up for the holidays?
Child 2: Well, Santa...those Apostles of Chaos...they're always ruining things. They don't play by the rules, and...and...well, they're just bullies. And it makes me sad to see when people are like that. So, what I want is Action Saxton, Dr. Kurtesy, and that super cool ninja Saboteur to teach them a lesson.
The kid starts looking a little more excited now. Klamor, however, isn't as enthused.
Klamor: What is it with you kids? You have the most pedestrian tastes in WZCW perfomers. Saxton? Kurtesy? Saboteur? The Apostles are bullies? What planet are you from? Ty's followers are working to make Ty's even more relevant than he's ever been before, and when...
Klamor looks up to Leon, who is making a slicing hand sign in front of his throat. Klamor looks down at the kid, who is now looking rather depressed. He looks back up to Leon, who is now rolling his hands in effort to get him to continue with the Santa charade.
Klamor: Well, what matters is that they'll have their chance to show those...bullies...what it is they are truly made of at All or Nothing.
The child leaps off of Klamor's lap rather quickly. He doesn't seem lifted by Klamor's words. Leon is facepalming while the next child, a little girl, runs up to Klamor before he has a chance to turn around.
Klamor: Oh, well, hello there little...
Child 3: Santa, are you real? Are the elves real? Are the reindeer real? How do they fly? How do you fit your fat butt down a chimney anyway? Where do presents come from? Do the elves make the presents? Do you like cookies? Why don't you shave? Why...
Klamor puts his hand over the child's mouth.
Klamor: Oh ho ho, there little one. You're gonna drive Santa crazy if you keep on like that. Tell Santa now...what is your WZCW Christmas wish, eh?
He slowly removes his hand from the girl's mouth. In contrast to her previous rapid fire delivery of questions, this time she speaks slowly and carefully.
Child 3: Santa, what I really really really really want to see this year is a new World Heavyweight Champion.
Klamor: But child, we already have one of those? Didn't you see when Barbosa cashed in his King for a Day contract and beat the bejeezus out of Big Dave?
Child 3: Yes, Santa, but that's not what I want. I'm tired of seeing the bad guys at the top. I'm tired of seeing the mean, terrible ones be the ones who win. I want to see someone new win. I want to see someone exciting win. Someone who loves all of us watching at home and goes out to show it each and every week.
Klamor: So...you want Titus to win the championship?
The child giggles.
Child 3: No, silly Santa. I want The Dirty One, Gordito, to be the new WZCW World Heavyweight Champion...
The child barely finishes the word "Champion" before Klamor almost shoves her off of his lap. Leon panics and goes to retrieve the child before Klamor hurts her. He takes her aside and comforts her with gifts while Klamor barks at her from Santa's throne.
Klamor: Gordito? What the hell kind of example is that?! Where the hell does he get off appealing to small children? What the hell is wrong with this world? Titus I would have accepted. Big Dave I would accepted. But that fat worthless slob? There must be something wrong with your parents, child. I have half a mind to call protective services if that's the kind of hero they'll let you have. You must be out of your mind. That man...that pig is a stain on this promotion, and I will not rest until I see him tossed out on his ass and exposed as the fraud that he really is. He's a fake! A phoney! A shill! He's...he's...
Voice: NEXT IN LINE! WEEE!
Klamor hardly has time to turn to see who said this when Gordito comes out of nowhere, running up to and jumping on to his lap. The chair underneath Klamor gives out and collapses. The rest of the kids in line are all laughing quite hysterically. Before Klamor can move, Gordito has wrapped his arm around his head and holds him quite tightly. Klamor is clearly uncomfortable, but can't escape his predicament. Gordito pics up the mic where it has fallen beside them.
Gordito: Oh, Santa, would you like to know what I want for Christmas?
Klamor: ...get...off...of...me...
Gordito: I would like a new paint job for the party van. And a new amp. Maybe some new hats. I could always use some more socks, too. They make great stocking stuffers. Let's see...
Klamor: ...i mean it...you big oaf...get off of...
Gordito: And I'd like to get things for other people, you know? It's the season of giving, the season of sharing, and I'd hate to keep this all to myself. So, I'd like to get Ty Burna a smile this year. And I'd like to get Runn and Reynolds some fancy matching pants, possibly in leather. And I'd like to get my good chum Kurtesy some nice vintage wine to share with his assistant. And I'd like to get Saboteur a new blade. I want to give Sean Cruz a nice new heavy cast iron skillet...maybe he'll even use it in his match this Sunday, just to show me how much he loves it. And S.H.I.T., can't forget that guy. I want to get him some plug in Christmas lights. Think he'd like that?
Klamor: ...i...don't...care...
Leon has returned now and can only stand by and watch, vainly trying to suppress his laughter.
Gordito: What else...hmm...a book of proper etiquette and manners for Constantine, a sense of relevance for Stephen Holmes, the finest bag of Colombian Sugar for my homie Toyota resting up at home. Am I forgetting anything?
Klamor: ...that...I'm asking you...to...get off...of me...
Gordito: Oh, right, well, there is ONE other thing I want Santa. One special thing for The Dirty One. You see, this year has been up and down for me. I've smiled and I've frowned. But I've taken it all as best I can and I refused to ever letting something stop me from achieving my dreams. And so here I am, on the eve of my return to All or Nothing. And this time, instead of just one, I have three opponents standing between me and that ultimate prize, the WZCW World Heavyweight Championship. I've come close to it before, but this time it would extra super duper special if I could make that last big leap from being a hero to being a legend.
Klamor: ...over...my...dead...body...
Gordito: Don't talk like that, Johnny, there are kids around. Anyway, I've certainly got an all star cast of opponents, don't I? I mean, I'd be the only one there never to have held a belt before, wouldn't I? Big Dave? There's a big name. He's not dead yet, even if Barbosa was able to take advantage of him. I know the things Dave can do, the ways he can just steal a victory right out of your mouth. And Titus! Oh my lord, Titus. He was a legend before I got here. I remember my first night, when he debuted the belt as we know it. I've seen him go through hell and back and still stand tall. And what a guy on top of all of that! I mean, just one of the nicest, friendliest, and awesome guys you could ever hope to work with. I'm not going to catch either of these guys napping. And then Barbosa, the champ himself. Of all the guys I've feuded with around here, of all the dance partners I've had, Barbosa is up there when it comes to a true rival. He's also up there when it comes to being straight up 100% loco.
Klamor: ...he's...still...going to...crush you...
Gordito: Well, that's just, like, your opinion baby. He might. But I have other things in mind. I respect all of my opponents, Johnny, and I've even been friendly with a few of them. But they and I know that come Sunday, all bets are off. Come All or Nothing, I'll be the only one out there that isn't a former or current World Heavyweight Champion, and the taste of it...the desire for it...will be burning that much brighter within me because of it. I just want it that much more. I will do what I have to...I will take whatever beating is necessary...and I'll stand tall through all of it if it's means me walking out of All or Nothing as the new World Heavyweight Champion. I've fought so very hard since coming back to get here, and I've saved the best of me for last. I'm just honored that I get to share this moment with not just one but three other top tier competitors.
Klamor: ...fine...fine...now would...you please...
Gordito: Johnny, are you hurt? I'm sorry, baby. I would hate to think that I make you feel uncomfortable.
Gordito stands up and yanks Klamor up by his collar. He dusts him off a bit before dusting himself off. The kids are still laughing, pointing at Klamor and his suit, which is now torn in a few places. Klamor can only stare at Gordito with rage in his eyes. Gordito smirks at him.
Gordito: Has anyone told you that you make a horrible Santa? Leon is probably better suited for it. Was this your silly idea?
Klamor: That's it! GET OUT OF HERE! GET LOST! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! I don't want to have to look at your smug stupid face any longer.
Gordito shrugs and leaves the way he came, high fiving the kids left in line as he does so. Their cheers grow louder as Klamor begins ripping off his suit and beard. Leon heads over to calm him down.
Klamor: I told them I didn't want to do this. This was the stupidest idea I've ever seen from them and...
Leon: Johnny, we still have kids to...
Klamor: Get away from me you dolt! I've had enough of this.
Klamor shoves Leon away. He goes to storm away, but he stumbles on some debris and falls into a Christmas tree. Decorations fall to the ground and break as he struggles to stand up again and gets caught up in light wires. The kids are all pointing and laughing as hard as they can.
Klamor: I! HATE! HIM! I HATE GORDITO! I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE....
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