All or Nothing: Apostles of Chaos vs. Steven Kurtesy, Saboteur, and Action Saxton

[Ty Burna]

Deadline is Tuesday, December 20th at 11:59 PM Central Time

 

[Viola Moonlight]

The view of the sunset coupled with the city transitioning into nightlife from the office balcony could send any person, no matter how heartless they are, in a state of deep thought and emotion. Professor Steven Kurtesy is proof of this as he leans along the edge of the railing, staring into the horizon. A smile comes across the face of Kurtesy, signalling that he is enjoying the view and the perks of pondering that come with it. His train of thought is disrupted as Dr. Sandy Deserts opens the sliding door still wearing her formal attire from today's work and two glasses of alcoholic beverages. Kurtesy turns around and helps her get outside without the added difficulty, taking the two beverages as she struggles to close the door from the outside. The two meet back at the railing with Steven passing off one of the glasses before toasting and taking a swig. They both stare out to the view for a moment before Sandy pipes up.

What you thinking?

Steven shakes his head and smiles.

For not only a woman but as a psychiatrist also: don't you think that's a little stereotypical?

For not only a male but as a spiritually-renewed person also: don't you think that's a little chauvinistic?

Sandy smirks at her quick wit as Steven can all but give off a chuckle.

Seriously though, what are you thinking about Steve?

The aura surrounding the two becomes very serious, very fast that makes Kurtesy hesitate in answering. Eventually, he lifts his head and stares towards the sunset.

I just don't understand this Sandy... what is it about these men, these "Apostles" that I can't wrap my head around? The spiritual journey that I have taken has lead me to my final challenge of taking on Ty's order of Chaos and for some reason, no matter how I approach it, I cannot defeat these men, let alone trying to disband the group and destroying its creed. I know I'm mentally superior yet I am out-smarted each week. My soul has been cleansed yet their spirits are the ones that ascend over mine. What am I doing wrong, Sandy?

Steven seems visibly frustrated as Sandy listens, pondering for a moment before something comes up in her head.

Maybe you're looking at this the wrong way...

Steven looks up at Sandy, a little offended at the suggestion as if she thinks he is too stupid to realise it.

How so?

I've been silent for most of your journey, sometimes out of respect and sometimes because you've cut me off before I've had to chance to speak. However, you've been focusing too much on one aspect of your dual-wielding weapons and not the other. At first you concentrate on your abilities with your mind, then you completely switch to your spiritual side: maybe it's time you shared the workload between the two?

Steven has a confused look on his face, unaware of the point she is trying to make.

You went from being a doctor of psychology to a sage of spirituality. That's two different realms of thinking, strategy, etc... why not try putting the best of both worlds together?

Kurtesy takes a moment to sink in the words of Sandy before nodding with a smile on his face.

You're right Sandy... it's been there in front of my eyes the entire time and I've been too blind to see it. I skipped a couple of steps in my journey, rushing all the way to the end when I should have been trying to find out exactly who I am and what I'm capable of.

Kurtesy grabs Sandy and throws himself at her, planting a big kiss on the lips before almost pushing her away. She is completely dumbstruck from what just happened as Steven has a huge smile on his face.

Thanks Sandy... I know what I must do...

Kurtesy quickly exits through the door on the balcony and is out of sight in a flash. Sandy remains on the balcony still not registering fully what has happened.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

*Short dial tone*

Kurtesy: *ahem* Whatsup hommies... ah no, that'd sound too offensive if I spoke jive to Saxton... uh, let's see... how do I say hello to a mercenary? Do I even say hello or do I just talk in a deep voice? Nah, that'd scare both Sabs and Saxton off... jeez, I really need to start being more tolerant of bla... this is recording isn't it? Dammit ... uh, I mean... whatever, meet me at my place okay guys? We need to...

*Short dial tone*

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As the description uses some witty commentary about how luxurious and beautiful Steven Kurtesy's apartment is, setting up for a short intellectual read whereby some have to use a thesaurus or dictionary to define some unusual words they've never seen before: the Professor paces up and down his lounge room (previous depicted in detail) wearing his finest dining clothing waiting for his guests to arrive. Suddenly, the doorbell rings and Kurtesy freezes for a short moment before he slowly goes to the door. He stops by a mirror to check his non-existent hair's hairstyle, then looks through the spying glass where Saboteur is spying back, trying to see someone. He sees Kurtesy's eye and the two of them jump back from the door startled by each other. Kurtesy unlatches the his unique locking system (again provided in the details prior) and sees Saboteur in his usual attire, shocking Steven a little as he hasn't seen Saboteur in any other form of clothing. The two of them exchange greetings with Kurtesy welcoming Saboteur into his home. He ushers Saboteur into the lounge area where Kurtesy has prepared some finger food but Saboteur takes his time as he looks at the hat stand by the door. It slightly offends Sabs as he adjusts his mask and eyes of the stand before proudly walking away from the inanimate object with his head held high. He is about to sit down until something catches his eye.

Wow... is this an Anderson portrait?

It's pronounced "Uhn-duh-sor" but yes it is.

That's what I said, Anderson. Man, the narrator did an awesome job showcasing its vibrant colours.

Who?

Saboteur realises then that the narrator is the only person who should be breaking the fourth wall and quickly sits down, grabbing a fist full of food before changing the subject.

I got your... do you even know what technology is doctor?

Professor.

Right. I mean, you've got the paintings and the bookshelves... but where's the Tevo?

Who?

A shocked look falls upon the face of Saboteur.

You don't even? Bah gawd man... what have you been doing with your life?!

Kurtesy is starting to get offended himself.

I'm only in my mid-30's and yet I've acquired a world-famous status among psychology. I'd say I've done some useful things in my life. I haven't wasted mine.

Hey... c'mon now. Do you know how long it has taken to practice and perfect an 80's training montage... in slow motion? Or memorise every line from Desperate Housewives?

Both Kurtesy and Action Saxton both stare at Saboteur weirdly. Saboteur doesn't see why they should be looking at him like that.

What? I watch it for Lynette. Any guy would... right?

Uh, I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about Saxton.

Saxton gets really offended by his comment.

What you say, sucka?

Wait... when did you arriv...

At that moment, Saxton delivers his signature Action punch to the stomach, where the impact transitions into anime for a moment where Kurtesy's jaw is elongated, Saxton's arm has nearly broken through Kurtesy's body and onomatopoeia flashes out of nowhere. Life restores to normal as Kurtesy drops to the ground clutching his stomach as Saxton gets background music showcasing how smooth his skills are.

Why do I feel like a roasted turkey on Thanksgiving?

C'mon Saxton, what was that for? Just because he's prejudice against African-Americans doesn't mean he deserved that.

He was prejudice against Action Saxton's Kung Fu: nobody disrespects my Kung Fu.

But... you're fighting style isn't...

Saxton's eyes grow wide and gets in the face of Saboteur.

I dare you, I double dare you mothasucka. Doubt my Kung Fu again!

Uh... hehe... good joke, Saxton... you're funny... haha...

Saboteur plays it off as a joke and slaps the back of Saxton, who doesn't appreciate the hit.

You don't do Kung Fu.

Saxton grabs the arm of Saboteur and swings him across the room but Saboteur lands on his feet. Action music starts playing as Saboteur looks up at Saxton on the defense whilst Saxton does his fighting stance. The two run around the room with Saboteur screaming like a little girl and flailing about, defending every shot as Saxton walks to each position. Kurtesy is in the middle of this and goes over to his record machine, smashing it with his fist which stops the music. Both men stop their fight and turn to Kurtesy who is still holding his stomach.

Clearly... we've got some issues.

He started it!

I don't care who started it, I'm going to finish it. Saxton: sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I've got some phobias.

It's all good, fool. Some people can't handle my Kung Fu.

Right... Kung Fu...

Kurtesy and Saboteur look at Saxton blankly as he clearly doesn't get what phobia Kurtesy is talking about.

Anyway... look, I invited you guys over to discuss some strategy on how we are going to beat Apostle girls before their pimp-daddy Ty comes looking for us, considering you two defeated the Forgotten Powers last week. I must ask: what was your strategy?

To kick their white asses, sucka.

Saxton does a short montage of him perform his moveset on the air before the conversation continues.

That's a huge help... Saboteur, what was your strategy?

Strategy? With this guy?

He points to Saxton.

Are you kidding me? He never listens to me. I've always been nice and friendly yet he casts me aside every time I try and create a conversation. All I want is us to be allies... friends even.

Saxton doesn't make friends, he only makes enemies.

See? He doesn't understand me.

You don't understand Saxton. You'd only get in the way and serve as a distraction as Saxton kicks the ass of all the bad guys. We beat those Power fools because we weren't friends and we will beat those Apostles the same way.

Steven ponders for a moment as Saboteur is almost about to have his eyes water.

I think this calls for something drastic. The two of you seem to not understand each other's lives and the both of you want a different relationship level. The only way for us to find out what the true answer could be is through a small exercise where it will not only decide where you two stand as friends but will increase your teamwork skills come All or Nothing... you guys should switch places!

The two look at him weirdly.

Saxton lives the life of Saboteur and Saboteur lives the life of Saxton.

Saboteurs eyes grow wide with joy as Saxton gives a blank stare.

Trust me on this, I was previously a doctor. It'll work... I've done this sort of experiment before and its 100% full-proof. You two will be friends after this, or just acquaintances.

Saxton sort of doubts it until he sees Saboteur who is almost about to burst with glee. He thinks for a second before responding.

So, if we do this whole experiment thing and it doesn't work out, this little sucka will leave me alone?

Steven nods.

Alright... I'm in.

Saboteur screams a loud girly-pitched yell of excitement, almost busting Saxton's and Kurtesy's eardrums.

OMG OMG OMG OMG... YAY! A day in the life of Action Saxton... my dream come true!

(Saxton/Kurtesy): What?

Saboteur continues to ramble on as Saxton and Kurtesy decide to make an escape whilst he isn't paying attention. Kurtesy exits through the front door whilst Saxton disappears with no-one knowing where he left, leaving Saboteur using hand-puppets to mimic the possible Kung Fu moves he will be using come time to switch personalities.

 

[red ass skull muhfukkah]

Dr. Alhazred is sitting on his bead in the dark, staring down. A soft red light highlights the upper part of his face; his eyes seem to be filled with tears. He’s breathing heavily. Something outside makes a loud crashing noise, most likely a cat knocking over a trash barrel. He turns his head quickly in the noise’s direction. He stares for a few moments before turning his head back down. He breathes in a deep breath and exhales through his nose. He looks up straight and squints at something before staring down again.

Dr. Alhazred: Is this what I’m supposed to be? Is this the man I was supposed to become? Are the choices I’ve made and the alliances I’ve created for the best? Or will they come back to haunt me like the nightmares of my father?

The cat that knocked over the trashcans begins to meow outside.

Dr. Alhazred: I’ve devoted all I have to Ty Burna and the cause of the Apostles; my glove, my body, my soul. I do not regret my decision to join, as the only true friend I have left is with me through it and I have no doubt that joining forces with the most feared and decorated man on the roster, boosts my name value and relevance tenfold. But I do question whether this is who I should be, if I should be a follower, rather than living my own life with its own consequences. Now everything I do, every step I make; I must make carefully as any failures will affect the group and the cause as a whole. Sure I was in a tag team with King, but back then it was different, our relationship was of a different nature. I considered him a close friend, someone that no matter how bad I failed would be there to say “It’s alright, we’ll get ‘em next time”. And I would believe it and move on.

He turns his neck and cracks it.

Dr. Alhazred: I feel it is right, though. The pit of my stomach growls for blood and for the destruction of all those who stand before me, it’s been stored away for all this time and I used to be able to brush it off or try to channel it. Now I can unleash every ounce of pain, hatred and desire to crush on any one I choose. This decision must be right then. By becoming a soldier for chaos, I’ve gained freedom. Freedom to do as I please, freedom to hurt who I want, freedom to be who I truly am deep down inside. Ty Burna will do so much for me in the end, who am I to question him? For too long I have been forgotten in this company, hanging out in the middle of the pack, going nowhere and doing nothing of any real significance. Sure I was a champion, but I never made a real impact. I was a champion at a time when there were few challengers and the challengers I had were lower than I was. Now I am someone important, now I am apart of something much bigger than myself. I am apart of a group of men who’s true desires and purpose are reigning down chaos everywhere we go.

The cat outside meows even louder.

Dr. Alhazred: All or Nothing is slowly approaching and it’s fitting for now my only option is to put every ounce of myself into my matches and into the Apostles of Chaos. The Apostles’ reign of terror had already begun but All or Nothing will be my awakening. The awakening of the real Dr. Alhazred. I feel sorry for Saboteur, Saxton and Kurtesy. They have no idea what’s coming for them, what we shall do to them. I’ve faced each one in the past. I’ve won some and I’ve lost some but each time these three men felt what I was capable of, felt the power of the Power Glove bombarding their bodies. But now they face a whole new beast, one they couldn’t imagine in their worst nightmares. They will be the examples of what the Apostles of Chaos and Dr. Alhazred are now capable of. I am more focused and determined to tear them apart than I ever have before. When we squared off in the past, my goal was to defeat them. When we square off at All or Nothing, my goal is to annihilate them. Getting a pinfall or submission over them will no longer suffice, I will not rest peacefully unless their bloody faces are stretched out across that mat and their spilt blood is pouring through my finger tips. Saboteur and Saxton may have won last week and my comrade K.O. has had some difficulty with Kurtesy, but come Sunday the will not be ready for a unified Apostles of Chaos. Saboteur and Saxton may be in a bromance, but they cannot fathom the bond I share with K.O. and King. A bond that was forged in blood and chaos in the name of the man who has laid waste to WZCW since he step foot in it. A man who has taken us under his black wings and shown us what we can accomplish when we free the darkness that resides in the pit of our souls.

Dr. Alhazred stands up and leaves his room. There are no lights on in his house and the only sound heard is the cat scratching at the front door. He walks down his stairs and into his living room. He picks up a black bottle that’s sitting on a coffee table and takes a swig from it. He shakes his head from the alcohol and tosses the bottle on the floor. He’s holding something in his Power Glove hand but it cannot be seen. He walks out onto his porch and sits at the top step.

Dr. Alhazred: I can’t wait for what’s to come at All or Nothing. The sins of my past do not compare to the sins that my future holds. Saxton, Saboteur, and Kurtesy are the first steps on our path of destruction. WZCW can now finally see all three Apostles formed together in one ring, teaming in the same match with their only goal to obliterate the three men who stare at them from across the ring. The dark days of WZCW have just begun.

Dr. Alhazred lifts up his right hand to reveal he was holding the bloody mask of Mister.

Dr. Alhazred: You taught me well up until this point, friend. But now it’s time to move on. I won’t let my past hold me back any longer and I feel the only way to allow the darkness to seep through me is to close off the light. I will never forget you, forgive me for all I do from here on out.

The cat that was meowing before walks up next to him and rubs up against him. He stares at it for a moment. He stands up and picks up the cat just as a black van pulls up in front of his house. James King is in the driver’s seat and K.O. in the passenger’s. They both nod at Dr. Alhazred. Alhazred pets the cat as he walks towards the van. He stops in the middle of the walkway towards his house.

Dr. Alhazred: No more mercy, no more regrets, no more pain, no more compassion, no more remorse. Only chaos.

He snaps the cat’s neck and throws it on his neighbor’s yard before hopping in the back of the van. The van speeds off blaring death metal as the scene fades to black.

 

[Kermit]

I dance around the devil
In the center of the room
I dance around the devil
I dance cause I don't see him leaving soon
-Shining Through​

The scene opens to a shot of Chris K.O. stirring in his bed. He seems to be hyperventilating as he clinches at the sheets on the mattress. Chris’ voice begins to dub over the shot.

Everyone has their own demons.

Sweat drizzles out of his pores as he fights a looming death. He gasps for air, but only gets his own accumulating spit.

And sometimes…

Chris tenses up on his bed and begins to shake heavily. He finally releases his grasp on the sheets and sinks into the bed as his chest slowly rises with each horse breath.

The demons win.

The scene goes into slow motion for a short moment.

I am notorious for dancing around the devil, but I never intended to get into a full on waltz with him. Sometimes, near-death experiences make people see things differently or gain a different perspective on life. Mine only assured what I was doing. It instilled more faith in my cause… my idea.

The screen goes black and eventually shifts into a scene of a figure in full black druid robes making his way down a dirt path that is tucked in between rows of disfigured trees. His way is guided by moon light as he approaches a large iron gate that has two gargoyles perched on each pillar. The gate swings open as the figure steps onto a cobble-stone path. The camera zooms back and we get a full shot of the large gray stone house that the figure is making his way towards.

The shot transitions to the figure stepping inside of the house and closing a large black-oak door behind him. He makes his way down a hallway that is lit with candles that are attached to the walls. Several paintings fill the gaps between the burning candles, but the camera angle doesn’t allow us to see what the paintings are. The figure reaches the end of the hallway and is met with a pair of doors.

He swings them open and steps into a large room. The floor is a glowing gray and in the center of the large room is a huge wooden table with the chaos symbol carved into the middle of it. A brilliant candle-lit chandelier hangs omnisciently over the large table.

Twelve hooded figures in druid robes sit on the side that is to the lone figure’s left. Ten sit on the side that his to his right. Two chairs remain empty towards the end of the table, and the head chair remains vacant as well. The twenty-two sitting hooded figures watch the lone one make his way to one of the vacant seats.

The figure takes a seat, leaving an empty seat between him and the head of the table. A few seconds of silence pass before two Gothic looking doors open from behind the head of the table. Everyone’s attention is now directed towards the open doorway. Steps can be heard as another hooded figure steps out of the doorway. The figure signals for everyone to stand up, and they all do.

The figure steps towards the vacant seat next to the head chair and stands with the rest of them. Once again, steps can be heard coming from the darkness in the doorway. The steps become louder and all of the sudden a new figure emerges from the darkness. His robes are specialized with red trimming. Everyone that is standing bows their heads as the figure approaches the table. He steps in front of the head chair and takes a seat. The figure next to him signals for everyone to sit down, and they do.

The day of reckoning is upon us.

The camera begins to transition between various camera angles of the robed figures sitting at the table with occasional close ups of the red trimmed figure.

My venom has spread.

The red trimmed figure raises his hands and pulls back his hood. It is revealed to be Ty Burna, who has his eyes closed. He opens them quickly and reveals his glowing red eyes.

Will all of those who I have allowed to be seen, please remove your hood.

Several figures remove their hoods as it is revealed that Chris K.O., James King, Dr. Alhazred, Serafina, Amber, and Ian Crawford are sitting at the huge table. Significantly, Serafina is next to Ty, and Chris is next to Serafina. Ty begins to laugh.

The powers that be seem to think that my influence runs shallow, but they do not realize the depth of my well.

Ty smirks as he reaches over and caresses Serafina’s face.

The time is closer than ever my servants. I know that I have long talked about these days, but I assure you that everything is going according to plan.

He moves his hand from Serafina’s face and gestures towards Chris.

Chris. An excellent job against Kurtesy.

Ty begins to clap loudly by himself. Chris doesn’t know how to take this and gives a nod.

James and Alhazred. Redemption is available for you, but in the grand scheme of things a loss means nothing at this point.

Ty addresses the table as a whole.

I will go on to All or Northing and become the last man to enter the Lethal Lottery, and then I will regain what is rightfully mine, the WZCW World Heavyweight Championship.

Ty smirks and then turns his attention to Chris.

You, along with Forgotten Powers will continue the oppression against Kurtesy, Saboteur, and Saxton. What are your plans?

Kurtesy is dead set on gaining closure for his own past sins. He will try to dissect us and concoct his own remedy for victory. But, I have seen his methods and I can personally account that Kurtesy is nothing more than smoke and mirrors. He would have been better off if he stuck to stealing titles during ladder matches.

Ty begins to laugh as everyone joins in.

Too true, Chris. And as for the other two?

Saxton has fan support, but that is all. He’s about as important to the WZCW as acting is to crappy movies. Which, coincidently he relates to both of those. Multiple failed Mayhem Title shots are the only thing really notable about him. He does not have the best record on PPV.

Ty nods.

Saboteur has become the WZCW’s new darling. He has quickly risen in the ranks of respect from several superstars in the back, and holds an impressive winning record and a solitary televised loss against Gordito, which had a WZCW World Heavyweight Title opportunity on the line. His most notable accomplishment is beating… you, my lord.

Ty folds his hands under his chin and chews the statement in his mind, but before he can speak.

Saboteur is exactly why we are doing what we are doing. I entered this company as someone who held the same alignment as him, but soon realized that it was people like him who were poisoning the very product that I wanted to save. He has conned and veiled himself to a “respectable” rank. He piggy backs off a fluke win over Ty, and now he thinks he has the power to stop the force that we have created.

Ty watches as Chris continues to fume.

I sat in the hospital after my overdose and took a deep look inside of my self. I began to take a deep look at all of us. We sound like broken records to the world, but that is just because they refuse to listen to our music. We compose lyrics every week in the ring, but still they fail to listen. And those that fail to listen will become those who pay.

Chris looks over at Ty, who still has his hands tucked under his chin.

Continue.

Chris looks over at James and Alhazred.

You have your chapter, and I have mine, but we are still part of the same book.

Chris turns back to Ty.

The phrase “all or nothing” does not apply accurately this time around, my lord. The portions have already been set. We will receive the “all,” and they will get the “nothing.”

Ty grins evilly

The Gospel of Chaos is rich in all of you. The stage is set my servants, and you are the players. Go, fulfill your purpose and prove your worth to me.

For now, I leave you!

Ty reaches up and flips his hood over his head and the lights go out. The candles reignite as everyone is accustomed to Ty’s dramatic exits. Ty and Serafina are now both missing from the room. Chris gets up from his seat and begins to walk towards the door. James and Alhazred follow behind him. The scene cuts to a shot of Chris, James, and Alhazred walking down the dirt path outside. The all reach up and pull their hoods over. The scene goes black.

 

[MMSoldier]

We come in to a black screen, with a white spot growing in the middle of the screen. A flash comes up, and we see a close up of a white stone casket.

???: What is madness, but chaos?

After everyone goes home

???: And isn’t what people want to see on WZCW madness?

And I’m left here on my own

???: So, Aren’t we giving people exactly what they want?

I will run straight to hell and back

The scene changes to the now familiar catacombs of the Apostles household. The sight of James King sitting in front of one of the caskets is now a regular sight for all. He lowers his head as he starts to speak, contempt in his voice.

James: Yes, we lost. Does it matter in the long run? We are still dominant, it showed, and we get to destroy three thorns in our sides for good.

James lifts his head to look directly at the first grave we’ve seen, with the name spot empty. He smirks and lowers his head again before continuing, his voice rising since his last.

James: In short, no. Not. One. Bit.

James’ voice rises drastically at the end. He rises and seems to stare a hole into the casket. The anger is painted all over his face. Footsteps are heard, and James turns to see Chris KO coming down the stairs. His eyes flutter around the area before resting on James, noting his anger.

Chris: Dude, you are spending a unhealthy amount of time down here.

James chuckles as he turns back to the grave. He shakes his head.

James: Says the man who just od’d on TYENOL!

James turns back as Chris takes a step back. More footsteps are heard as Dr. Alhazred and Amber make their way down. Amber runs up to James and Alhazred stands in front of Chris.

Alhazred: Come on, you two. James, calm down.

Amber pushes James to the casket and keeps his arms down with her hands. James sits on the grave and closes his eyes.

James: You’re right, Al. I lost my temper there.

The mood in the underground area seems to lighten. Amber moves back some and the Doctor moves out of the way of Chris. The three men meet in front of the casket when Amber takes another step back, seemingly wanting to observe the men.

Chris: Anyway, we need to think about All or Nothing.

James laughs again as Alhazred looks at him. He looks back at Chris, his eyes wide and gleaming.

James: Yes, our chance at returning the favor that Saboteur and Saxton did at Ascension, hey Al?

Alhazred looks at the two men, then turns to James to respond.

Alhazred: James, things can be different, but…

James: But nothing! They will pay for it.

James leans back on the casket, his eyes unfocused. The other two apostles look at each other, then back to James, who has come back.

James: Meltdown, Chris destroyed Kurtsey. One opponent down. Ascension, we should have destroyed the other two. They will pay for it. All or Nothing will be the night of the Apostles.

The three men share a nod, then Chris makes his way out, followed by Alhazred, who stops to look at James, who has taken his spot in front of the grave. Amber waits after, then walks up behind James.

Amber: You need to keep your anger in check. That could have been much worse.

James looks over his shoulder at Amber, then turns back, seemingly not caring.

When they all turn out their lights

Amber turns to make her way aboveground, while James hasn’t moved.

And I’m left to rue that night

James rises and looks at the grave, his head lowered.

Always

James turns to leave, but keeps his head focused at the tomb.

Return to hell and back.

James: Saxton, Saboteur, Kurtsey. You all will fall to the chaos.
____________________________________________________________________________
Song used: Hell and Back by Metallica, copyright 2011(Beyond Metallic, 2011)

 

[The Doctor]

The scene opens to a wide shot of Saboteur’s rundown studio apartment. With a loud crash, Action Saxton kicks the door open.

Saxton: Damn! This place is one hell of a dump! It’s a long way away from my luxurious penthouse in Wyoming.

Garrett is sitting on the worn and ragged couch, watching the small TV, which is flickering with static.

Garrett: Oh, hello. I wondered when you would be coming over. Help yourself to anything in the fridge.

Saxton: Don’t mind if I do.

Action Saxton walks to the kitchen area, which is located in a corner of the apartment. He opens the refrigerator, to reveal dusty, mostly empty shelves. He grabs the carton of milk sitting on the middle shelf and turns to a cabinet.

Saxton: Let’s see what this goofy-ass sucka has in the way of cereal.

Action Saxton yanks the cabinet open and narrowly avoids being buried by an avalanche of Fruity Pebbles. He reaches into the cabinet and pulls out a red box bearing Fred Flintstone’s face.

Saxton: Heh, I should have known. Good enough for me.

Garrett: The bowls are in the third cabinet from the right!

Action Saxton opens said cabinet and pulls out a cracked, off-white china bowl. He tucks it under his arm and pulls open a drawer full of spoons.

Saxton: Hmm, should I pick the Fred Flintstone spoon, the Fred Flintstone spoon…

He ruffles through the drawer.

Saxton: Got it!

He pulls out a Fred Flintstone spoon and places it in his bowl. Grabbing the carton, the bowl, and the box of cereal, he marches over to the couch and drops down onto the leftmost cushion. It groans under his weight, but Saxton relieves some of the pressure by stretching and resting his feet on the cheap coffee table in front of him.

Garrett: So, this is our apartment.

Saxton pours the Fruity Pebbles into his bowl, glancing over at Garrett.

Garrett: I know it’s a pretty modest place. I keep telling Saboteur we should upgrade, but does he listen?

Action Saxton holds the milk carton over his bowl of Fruity Pebbles. The milk sort of oozes onto the cereal in great chunks. Garrett continues to speak.

Garrett: He could at least buy a better TV…

Saxton: Is that what you suckas do for fun? Watch TV?

Garrett: For the most part, yes.

Saxton frowns in thought, and then nods his head. He sets aside his lumpy bowl of cereal and grabs the remote control to the television, changing the channel to a documentary on The Great Wall of China. He shifts his large form slightly, sinking further into the couch.

TV: The Great Wall of China is a series of stone and earthen fortifications in northern China, built originally to protect the northern borders of the Chinese Empire against intrusions by various nomadic groups.

Garrett: So, how about that match with the Apostles of Chaos you have coming up?

TV: Several walls have been built since the 5th century BC that are referred to collectively as the Great Wall, which has been rebuilt and maintained from the 5th century BC through the 16th century.

Saxton: Man, not a lot of people know this, but Dr. Alhazred and I go way back. Back in the beginning when we were both in WZCW, I was laying the mack on some hot-ass EMT, and his fool ass decided to get injured and distract her from me. I was in the zone, son. And then he got some dude to speak for him, Mister or something. Now don’t tell anybody I told you this, but I have a feeling that Mister was actually my rival, popular Latin singer Ricky Martin, in disguise. Now, that is all the reason I needed to want to kick Alhazred’s ass. You don’t mess with a man’s game, and you don’t ally yourself with a man’s worst enemy.

TV: One of the most famous is the wall built between 220–206 BC by the first Emperor of China, Qin Shi Huang. Little of that wall remains; the majority of the existing wall was built during the Ming Dynasty.

Saxton: Now the other fools I barely know. But I do know that I am going to step in the ring with them and kick their heads in so hard they’ll be sipping soda through their spleens. I don’t know how the hell that’ll work but when I set a goal, not nothing’s gonna hold me down from achieving it.

TV: And coming up next on our sister network Shaftland – Action Saxton: The Movie!

Saxton: Aw hell yeah! That’s my favorite flick!

Action Saxton reaches over to change the channel. His hand brushes the remote, knocking it onto the floor with a clatter. Saxton pauses and stares at it.

Saxton: Damn.

He reaches for the remote. His fingertips brush it, but it is just out of reach. As he tries to use the laws of physics to attract it to him, he moves his hand the wrong way and it only moves farther in the wrong direction.

Saxton: Son, do you have mice in here that steal remotes or something?

Garrett: It wouldn’t surprise me.

Action Saxton uses his considerable mental powers to will the remote back into his grasp. Sweat forms on his brow as he concentrates with all his might, trying to make the remote fly into his hand. His forehead creases into a million lines.

The remote does a feeble barrel roll in the other direction.

Saxton: There must be something in this apartment blocking my mental powers.

Saxton decides to go the old-fashioned route and yell the remote into submission.

Saxton: Now you listen, and you listen good, remote control! I am bigger than you. I am badder than you. And you are going to get the hell into these arms so I can watch my favorite film! Don’t make me pound you into the dust, remote control, because I will!

The remote control must not have gone to obedience school, because all it does in response is sit there in insolent silence. Action Saxton growls and shifts into the couch, sinking even lower into the cushion.

Garrett: Do you want me to get it for you?

Action Saxton slowly turns to stare at Garrett.

Saxton: Do I look like some weaksauce sucka, Garrett?

Garrett does not respond. Saxton turns to glare at the remote again. If threats and brainpower wasn’t going to work, he would just have to break its will.

Minutes pass.

Hours pass.

Neither Saxton or the remote control blink or give an inch as they sit, staring at each other. The sweat is pouring down Action Saxton’s nose, dripping onto his chest, pooling into a large salty puddle on the floor. The remote, to its credit, is not sweating at all, but remains calm, collected, silent.

Saxton: Garrett…

Garrett: Yes?

Saxton: This remote is being a jive-turkey. Get your ass up and grab it for me!

Garrett complies, walking over to the remote and placing it in Action Saxton’s hands.

Saxton: Finally!

He presses the channel button. It switches to Shaftland. The closing credits to Action Saxton: The Movie are playing.

Saxton: Aw, HELL no!

Action Saxton leaps to his feet, tossing the remote out of the window. Garrett looks on in protest.

Saxton: Man, Kurtesy can take his dumbass experiment and shove it. I am a man of action! I am a man of adventure. There is no way I was meant to sit in some hellhole apartment, watching some fool talk about some wall in a country I have elbow dropped multiple times. I just gotta get the hell out!

And Action Saxton spins on his heel, stomps to the front door, and kicks it open, storming out of the house.

 

[JGlass]

Signal Inc. Presents
Action Saboteur
In
“Mexican Sabotage”

“No. There’s no way in HELL that I’m doing this. Not once, not never.”

“Come on Saboteur, this is exactly how Saxton would start an adventure!”

“Saxton, and to the same extent Kurtsey, can kiss my tushie, I am NOT starting this thing off by jumping out of a plane.”

And with that, the scene is set. Flying thousands of feet above a Mexican jungle in a cargo plane, Saboteur and Alvin await the beginning of Saboteur’s week in Action Saxton’s shoes.

“Saboteur, if you’re going to take Dr. Kurtsey’s experiment seriously, you’re going to need to jump!”

“I’m not so convinced this is going to work! Saxton’s style isn’t for me. Back in my day, I was more of a black-ops guy, kill ‘em in their sleep type. I don’t jump out of planes, I don’t mingle with my enemies, and I especially don’t center align my text!”

“Center align? What the…?”

“So can we turn this piece of junk around or what? I know a lovely little bar in Tijuana where we can get dinner and a show. Tell me Alvin, how do you feel about donkeys?”

Alvin sighs and reaches into a bag, “I was hoping it wouldn’t have to come to this Saboteur, but I guess I’m going to have to bribe you with this. This, right here, is a rare DVD copy of the behind the scenes footage of The Fonz jumping the shark.”

Saboteur’s eyes widen and his mouth begins to tremble. He slowly reaches out to touch the Holy Grail of all 70’s sitcom moments, his hand shaking with excitement.

But before Saboteur can even feel the magic of the DVD Alvin holds in his hands, Alvin tosses out the plane door, and the DVD goes plummeting down to earth.

“Whoops, looks like there’s only one way to get it,” Alvin teases as he suggestively holds a packed parachute towards Saboteur.

“Out of my way, nerd!” Saboteur screams as he shoves Alvin out of the way and swan dives out of the plane.

“Wait! Saboteur! Oh dear lord, this isn’t going to end well.”

Saboteur shoots towards the ground, swinging his arms in a swimming motion, hoping he can catch up to the DVD. Saboteur squints his eyes, hoping to see the DVD, but all he can see is the jungle canopy below.

“Wow, nature is really beautiful. Those trees look much bigger than the trees in America, and look! They’re betting bigger!”

It is about the time Saboteur crashes into a giant tree branch, and starts plummeting through the canopy.


“Mira lo!” says a fat, Mexican man, toting around a bag full of forest fruits, “una DVD!”

The Mexican man picks up the DVD and holds it to the light, trying to make out what treasure he picked up. However, the painful screams of a mysterious man and sound of breaking tree branches break his concentration, and soon…

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOMF!” Saboteur screams as the fat Mexican man breaks his fall.

Saboteur stands up and dusts himself off. “Now, where could that holy treasure possibly be?” Saboteur turns around and notices a slightly bruised Mexican lying in the ground, writhing in pain.

“Oh, I didn’t see you there. Have you see a DVD? Una D-V-D? A disco?”

The Mexican struggles to speak and whispers the words, “Señor… necesito un medico…”

“Hmmmm, it’s been a while since I’ve spoken Mexican… but I’m pretty sure that means that he’s a magician. Don’t get me wrong sir, I love magic, but I’m in no mood for your card tricks today, I’m on a quest. First, I have to find El Jalapeño.”

The Mexican starts to panic, “El Habanero! Aye no! No!”

“Yeah something like that. Any idea where he is?”

“Señor! El Habanero es muy peligroso!”

“No, he’s not a pelican, he’s a Mexican Ninja. You really have been no help at all, you know that?”

“Lo siento señor, pero yo necesito un medico.”

“Wait a sec, is that… it is! Give me that DVD you thief!” Saboteur snatches the DVD from the hands of the Mexican man and takes a look at it.

“Huh… well this can’t me… this is just season 1 disc 3 of My Wife and Kids! Nobody wants this crap, they didn’t even have the new Claire yet! Old Claire sucks!”

Saboteur disappointedly tosses the DVD away and looks around, trying to better understand his surroundings.

“So which way is it to the Secret Mexican Ninja Hideout? Hello? Señor?”

Saboteur sees the Mexican man scurrying away in the distance, clutching his right leg as he hobbles away.

“I don’t need you anyway! I can find the Secret Mexican Ninja Hideout myself! Now let’s see… moss always grows on the north side of a tree… and a rolling stone gathers no moss… and Kate Moss weighs approximately 85 pounds… so the Hideout must be… that way!”

Saboteur points south, towards a dark path, heavily covered with trees and shrubbery, he takes a few steps in that direction before he hears a loud growling sound coming from that direction.

“Errr… on second though, I think it’s this way!”

Saboteur spins around on his heel to face the opposite direction, only to be looking directly into the chest of a giant Mexican Ninja.

“What the… who are you!? How did you sneak up on me?”

“I’m a Mexican Ninja, it’s what I do.”

“Oh really? I didn’t know there were any Mexican NiHEY WAIT A MINUTE!”

Saboteur turns around again to see that he’s no surrounded by Mexican Ninjas in vibrant and colorful costumes and masks.

“So… you guys want to take me to El Jalapeño eh? Well I’m not going down without a fight!”

Saboteur unsheathes his katans and begins battling the Mexican Ninjas. He parries several blows from the Mexican Ninja’s weapons before delivering a devastating roundhouse kick to one of the Ninjas, leaving 5 more. One of the Ninjas swings at Saboteur with their sword, but Saboteur dodges the blow and delivers a powerful punch to their gut, knocking the wind out of his opponent. He gets up, only to be caught in a full nelson by another attacker. A second Ninja prepares to deliver the 5 Knuckle Death Punch to Saboteur, but being the quick thinker he is, Saboteur uses his leg to kick the charging Ninja in the nads, and then uses his strength to toss the Ninja holding him onto the ground. The fourth Ninja tries to sneak up on him from behind, but Saboteur senses his presence and hits the deck to monkey flip the ninja into a rock.

Saboteur stands up proudly puffs out his chest and heroically says, “Not even an army of ninjas can stop the force of Action Saboteur!”

Suddenly, Saboteur feels a tap on his shoulder and slowly turns around. “I think you forgot about me.” Before Saboteur can come up with a witty retort, and believe me, he would have come up with a witty retort, he is punched by the giant and goes flying back into a tree, causing the tree’s trunk to begin to split.

The burly Mexican Ninja lumbers over towards Saboteur and stands tall over the hero who is slumped in front of the tree. “Any last words Saxton?”

“Yeah… TIMBERRRRRR!”

Saboteur quickly springs up and uses his katana to chop through what’s left of the tree trunk, and the tall tree begins to fall.

The large Mexican Ninja looks up with doom in his eyes, “Oh. Sugar.”

The tree hits the ground with a large THWOMP and the giant is smushed underneath it.

“Well, that takes care of that, but I can’t help but notice that he called me Saxton. It’s almost as though…”

“We were expecting you!”

Saboteur looks up to the canopy, confused by the mysterious voice.

“What?! Who’s that? Who’s expecting me?”

“Never fear my dear Saxton, you’ll soon be in a deep sleep where all your troubles will be gone… that is until you wake up!” the mysterious voice says and follows up with an evil laugh.

Before Saboteur can come up with a hilarious response, and believe me, he had a gem, he’s struck in the neck with a dart.

“Ouch! What was that, a mosquito? Oh, it’s a tranquilizer. Please, when I was 3 my mommy gave these for naptime. You’re going to need more than that!”

And with that, a flurry of darts is shot at Saboteur whom becomes a sort of pincushion for tranquilizer darts. With a drooling mouth and googley eyes, Saboteur dizzily says, “That’s more like it,” before collapsing on the ground.


Saboteur wakes up in a prison cell, with his arms and legs chained to the wall. Saboteur slowly wakes up from his drug-induced nap, but sharply comes to his senses by the distinct smell of the room.

“Ugh! This place smells worse than Armando Paradyse’s breath!”

Seeing that Saboteur is awake, the owner of the mysterious voice walks into the room. The man is of average height and build, but he wears a ninja costume that covers most of his body, but his tanned wrists are visible, as is the area around his eyes.

“At last you’re awake. I’ve waited a long time to talk to you, señor. Do you know who I am?”

“Well… costume that barely covers your body, thick Mexican accent, dorky cape…you must be El Jalapeño.”

The mysterious man cringes and roars, “That’s El Habanero you fool!”

“Yeah, whatever. So is this like, some weird sex thing or are we gonna get on with the inevitable torture?”

“There will be no torture if you comply with my questions. First of all, who are you? And I swear if you lie I’ll…”

“The name’s Saboteur, put ‘er there pal!” Saboteur leans his hand forward, as he is still pinned to the wall.

“Oh… that was… quick. Well then tell me, Saboteur, do you know who Action Saxton is?”

“Oh yeah, Saxy and I go wayyyy back. Well, we go back about a week where we teamed up to play Star Wars and beat up The Forgotten Powers.”

“So Saxton sent you?”

“Yes. Well, no. Well, kind of. You see, he and I are tag team partners again this week, but we’re also teaming with Dr. Kurtsey. Now Kurtsey is this weird dude with a funny accent, and to make sure Saxton and I get along he had us doing a trading places experiment. So I guess you could say that Kurtsey sent me. Then again, Alvin is the one that threw the DVD off of the plane…”

El Habanero grows increasingly annoyed with Saboteur’s nonsensical tale and finally gets fed up. “Enough! I just want to know where Saxton is!”

“Well, he’s supposed to be me this week, and I lead a pretty exciting life, so he could be anywhere. The Sahara Desert, the Swiss Alps, Japanese Disney World… the possibilities are endless.”

“I’m afraid you leave me no choice, Señor Saboteur. May the torture begin.”

“What are you gonna do? Chinese water torture? Put me in a bathtub full of scorpions? Capriccio Peticure?”

“Stop making ridiculous lists of things! No, you’re tortue will be much… much worse!” El Habanero slams the door to the prison behind him as Saboteur ponders his fate.

“Crank the volume up to 11,” El Habanero says to one of his henchmen. “We’ll break him in no time.”


An hour passes, and El Habanero walks back to the torture chamber.

“So, how is our prisoner handling the torture?”

The henchmen srugs and points to a monitor that shows Saboteur shaking his head back and forth violently.

“Excellent! Just as I expected! Saboteur has proven to be just as weak as that puny Action Saxton! Let us see if he’s ready to talk.”

El Habanero opens the door to the prison, but is both shocked and appalled to hear what’s going on in there.

“She’ll push or pull you out! She’s livin’ la vida loca! Her lips are cherry red, her skin is the color mocha!” Saboteur is singing along with the music that is echoing through his cell.

“Enough! Turn the music off! Cut the music!” El Habanero screams, and the henchman complies as the music comes to a screeching halt. “How is this possible? Nobody can withstand the music of popular Latin singer Ricky Martin!”

“Is that who that was? Interesting, I’ll have to buy his albums. Now is Ricky Martin? As in Ricky Ricardo/My Favorite Martian?”

“I’ll ask you one more time, and then things are going to get medieval! Where. Is. Action Saxton?”

“If I had to guess… my apartment, Union City, New Jersey.”

“Your apartment? Clearly you’re setting me up for an ambush of sorts! That’s it, you asked for it!” And with that, Habanero pulls out a complex torture device, a multi-tool of pain as it were.

Habanero approaches Saboteur slowly, device in hand with blades spinning, drills whirring, and lights flashing. Saboteur struggles as Habanero closes in on him. He kicks his legs and flails his arms, and suddenly his leg is free and he kick Habanero in the chin!

“Ha! Who taught you to hold prisoners captive? Armando Paradyse?”

“ENOUGH!” Habanero yells, “I don’t know you, I don’t know where Saxton is, and I still do not know who Armando Paradyse is!

“But you know what this is, sucka!”

Action Saxton arrives on the scene out of nowhere and hits Habanero with a punch that sends his archrival flying through six walls.

“Damn, I done set a new record.”

“Saxton! You came to save me!”

“Hell naw sucka, I didn’t even think you’d come here, I thought you would chicken out. I just got so bored sitting in your pad, not watching myself on the TV, so I decided to do what I do best: kick Mexican Ninja ass.”

“I know what you mean, going on these weekly adventures is NOT for me. I got out of the mercenary game for a reason, and this was just a stark reminder of why!”

“You know, Saboteur, you might be a weird cat, but I’m impressed with you. You came to this lawd-forsaken jungle and kicked some serious ass. And you withstood Habanero’s torture techniques. I shudder to think how much Ricky Martin he made you listen to.”

“Yeah… about that, do you know if he has a compilation album?”

“Guys! You did it! I’m so gosh darn proud of you both!”

Kurtsey swoops into the room and puts his arm around Action Saxton and gives Saboteur a playful punch.

“You managed to see that life in each other’s shoes isn’t easy, and as such, have gained a mutual respect for each other! Good on you mates! And best of all, I’ve gotten over my negrophobia! We're fit to be an unstoppable force against the Apostles of Chaos at All or Nothing!”

“What did you just call me?” Action Saxton growls.

“Now now Mr. Saxton, this is a time for a celebration! How about we head to Tijuana for dinner and a show? How do you gentlemen feel about donkeys?”


“You know what Mr. Doctor Man,” Saxton says with hard slap on the back to Kurtsey, “I think that’s a beat we can all jive to!”

Kurtsey and Saxton start out of the cell together.

“Hey guys, don’t forget me!” Saboteur yells out, and Saxton and Kurtsey return to share a laugh with the masked hero.

“No but seriously, I’ve had an itch on my nose for the past hour.”

And with that, Saxton and Kurtsey go to aid Saboteur. Saxton starts yanking the chains to loosen them, and Kurtsey scratches Saboteur’s nose. As this sequence continues, the credits to this Action Saboteur adventure begin to roll.​