Zander and Neil are sitting in Steve's office. Steve is wearing a green shirt and tie with pen in hand, whilst Neil is wearing a Zander TV T-shirt (available from wzcwshop.com) and Zander is wearing a plain, grey baseball T-shirt. On the wall beside the desk is a poster of Edinburgh Castle. Steve has a two or three bits of paper stacked in front of him.
Steve – Ok guys thanks for coming in today. 1st off let me say that the autograph signing was a success, thanks to some top notch management. He says confidently. Even if one or two people though it was going to be a karaoke because of the mistake on the banner.
Neil – Most people thought it was a karaoke Steve.
Steve – Well that’s not what matters Neil, what matters is we got people to turn up. Also Zander, you now owe me $60 for a new microphone.
Zander – Fine. He sighs
Steve – Yeah well those microphones aren’t cheep i'll have you know. Throwing the microphone about like you're some kind of rockstar. Who do you think you are, Ringo Starr?
Neil interrupts – He was the drum…
Steve – Well you can be a rockstar too if you really want Neil? If he's Ringo, then that makes you Neil Lennon then.
Neil – You mean John Lennon. Neil Lennon played for Celtic.
Steve, writing on a sheet of paper with his head down, ignoring Neil – Ok so you’re Neil.
Neil – No John.
Steve – He points his pen at Neil. So you're John. He points his pen at Zander. And you're Ringo. So that makes me Paul McCartney then. I'm the drummer!
Neil – He wasn’t…
Steve cuts him off - I've just had an amazing idea. Work with me here guys. Ok, so that’s it then, we're gonna be the new Beatles. The Neatles.
Zander - What are you talking about Steve?
Steve - Our new band. We could be rockstars!
Zander - How is this relevant to anything Steve? you just dissed rockstars like 30 seconds ago.
Steve - Well don’t you worry guys. I'm gonna make you rich and famous!
Neil - But Zander already has his own WZCW TV show.
Zander - We could do with more money though. I always seem to be getting by and no more every month. They don't hand out the big pay packages to everyone you know.
Steve - Ok guys, that's it then, we're rockstars!
Steve looks to the clock. 5pm. Just then his mobile phone rings. Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Batman, Batman.....
Steve - Just let me get this guys. He accepts the call. Hello mum.... yes that would be great. He puts his hand over the mic. Do you guys need a lift home?
Zander - Sure, Thanks.
Steve - Can you take Zander and Neil too?... Ok great, see you in a minute. He ends the call. Ok guys my mum will be over in a minute to pick us up. Saves me taking the bus.
Neil and Steve suddenly stare each other down, as if some telekinetic powers have drawn the two together.
Neil - Shotgun
Steve - Shotgun, damn it!
Camera cuts to Steve's mums little, blue Ford Fiesta. Zander and Steve are squashed in the back of the car whilst Neil sits in the front.
Steve - Guess what mum? I’ve started up a brand new band. We’re gonna be bigger than Eifel 65! it’s me, Zander and Neil!
Steve’s mother - Oh wow Steven, that’s fantastic. If you boys ever need some of those wristbands all the kids are wearing these day I’m sure I could knit you up something.
Neil and Zander look at each other.
Steve - So you’re drums Zander.
Zander - I can’t play drums Steve.
Steve - Can’t be too hard. They taught a gorilla to play the drums on that advert. Besides you have to be if you’re gonna be Ringo. I’m bass player. I’ll have to get myself some lessons first though. And your on guitar Neil, and lead singer. I’ll provide the perfect harmonies.
Neil - I can’t sing Steve.
Steve - Sure you can. John Lennon sung.
Neil - Fine then. He says unenthusiastically
Steve - Now all we need is a gig. How do you guys get your gigs?
Zander answers angrily - Steve, how many times? Its not a gig it’s a…
Steve interrupts - Here’s your stop guys, see yah tomorrow for band practice yeah? Don’t worry i'll supply the equipment.
Screen cuts to Steve’s office the next day. A drum kit, two guitars, two mics, two speakers and two guitar amps are crammed in. Steve, Zander and Neil all stand around not knowing what to do.
Screen cuts to the next day, all three men are back in Steve’s office sitting down at the desk. The equipment is all packed away.
Steve - Well guys that’s it.
Neil - Hate to say I told you so Steve but..
Steve - What? I was going to say that’s it. We’ve made it! I’ve organised our very 1st gig! He says enthusiastically.
Zander - Oh my God! Why did you do that? Band practice couldn’t have gone any worse. We did nothing all day.
Steve - Well that was just teething problems. We’ve got a lot of practice to put in before Friday.
Zander - Friday?! that’s four days to practice.
Steve - Well guys, as long as your willing to put the hours in, I’ve worked out its possible that we can play four songs.
Zander - Wow, four! He says sarcastically.
TUESDAY
Baby Fratelli by The Fratellis plays over the top of the video. No dialogue or music played by the three can be herd.
Camera cuts to the three at band practice, there is a transparent clock on the screen, continuously spinning to show the time the clip was recorded, there seems to be a lot of confusion and frustration at practice. Tuesday ends with Zander getting up from the drums and angrily kicking over the mic stand.
WEDNESDAY
The three are back at band practice. The mic stand has been Duck taped back together. There is a little more progress made. Yet Wednesday ends with Neil smashing his guitar on the ground furious at something.
THURSDAY
Neil is playing a brand new, black guitar. The band again, seem to be getting on fine and progressing well until something ticks Zander off and he puts his foot through the bass drum.
FRIDAY
The big gig is at a local pub/restaurant called ‘The Great Wall’ in Chinatown. There is about 30-40 people eating a meal or having a quiet drink. The time is 9pm. Quite early. On comes the band and they start playing. There is a banner on the back wall “The Neatles (Short for The New Beatles)” The clock moves to 9:14pm and the room has emptied apart from a single cleaner and the owner arguing with another member of staff, in Chinese, whilst continuously looking and pointing at the band.
The screen cuts to Zander, Steve and Neil packing all the equipment into the little Fiesta, owned by Steve’s mum at the alley behind the restaurant. It's quite dark. There is a stange, musky smell in the area. Brick wall buildings and dumpsters surround them.
Steve - That’s it guys, the dream’s over. I think it’s time I took the solo route.
Zander - Steve…
Steve - Yeah I know. Maybe I’m just not cut out to be a rockstar, but no harm done i suppose.
Neil - Steve, that equipment just cost us $5000! And we didn't even get paid tonight.
Steve’s mum drives away with all the bands gear as the three men walk home. The camera moves upwards to the sky, looking down on them.
Zander - Forget it Steve. It’s Chinatown.
The three men walk home under the street lights.
Fade to black.
but unfortunatly this is a pretty important time at work and ive got a lot of gigs with the band at the weekends. ( weekend wars, remember that name!