Thank you. Thank you.
(Wait for applause to die down)
No, really. Thank you. You're too kind.
(Continue waiting for applause to die down)
Alright, guys. Let's rein it in. Lord knows we're eating into Taker's entrance time.
(Wait for audience to stop laughing)
When RVD asked me to induct him into the WWE Hall Of Fame, I was honored. But I was also shocked. After all the legendary battles Rob's had with Sabu, John Cena, Chris Jericho, Jerry Lynn, Jeff Hardy, and Drew McIntyre, why ask me? Surely Cody Rhodes, the man he faced in his legendary main event match at WrestleMania 35, would be a more appropriate choice. But then I got to thinking about what Rob Van Dam means to me and my career. I thought it over as I smoked a bowl...
(What?!)
...two bowls...
(What?!)
...three bowls...
(What?!)
And after my fourth bowl, I truly understood where Rob was coming from when he picked me. Sure, we've torn down the house on many a Monday Night Raw. But what I can really tell you about is Rob Van Dam the person. Rob's a guy who, just like me, shares a special relationship with his fans. When you support his success and fuel him with your energy, he can really do anything. It's not just something the commentators say to create a story: You people really do will Rob Van Dam back into the fight.
(Massive cheers here -- Wait for the applause to subside before continuing)
Actually, that reminds me of a funny story. You guys want to hear it?
(Crowd cheers)
Really?
(Crowd cheers louder)
Okay. Back in 2019, after a memorable Raw main event where Cody Rhodes and myself took on Rob and Drew McIntyre --
(Cut off by massive ovation -- The fans clearly remember the legendary bout in question)
Thank you. I liked the match too.
Anyway, after the match, Rob and myself went out for a nice evening of frivolity. Rob and his wife have a pretty open relationship, so Rob's free to chase tail on the road. So he and I bring this absolutely stunning brunette back to my hotel room and double team her. A pretty standard evening. Anyway, Rob's on the bottom, she's straddling Rob, and I'm mounting her. Now I'm feeling like choking her with my belt. So I reach for it, but after like my fifth bowl, I'm pretty out of it. Instead of grabbing my belt, I "accidentally" pick up some barbed wire. Extreme stuff. I'm so far gone that I don't even realize what was happening until she was bleeding out in Rob's mouth. It was a little weird at first, but her blood fueled Rob to stay in the fight and he gave her the most Earth shattering postmortem orgasm of all time.
(The building begins to vibrate because of the cheers)
And then he gave her another.
(Laughter)
Yeah, that's how Rob is.
Ladies and gentleman, please welcome to the WWE Hall Of Fame... Rob Van Dam!
