Weird

[Lee]

Now I don't want this turning into a religion sucks sort of thing, but alas I post these two stories from the Bible as a Christian and think they're weird as fuck.

Elisha and the Two Bears (2 Kings 2:23-25)


23 Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up by the way, young lads came out from the city and mocked him and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead; go up, you baldhead!” 24 When he looked behind him and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. Then two female bears came out of the woods and tore up forty-two lads of their number. 25 And he went from there to Mount Carmel, and from there he returned to Samaria.

Matthew 27:52-53 (New King James Version)

52 and the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised; 53 and coming out of the graves after His resurrection, they went into the holy city and appeared to many.

 

[Razor]

Holy books often have fucking weird ass stories. Hindu proverbs are usually the weirdest.

 

[One Punch Doug Crashin]

Compared to the Old Testament (Torah)? please. read some of those, THEN come back to me.

 

[Lee]

Considering Kings is in the old testament.

I've also read the torah which has the funniest moment in human history:

Ex 32

21He said to Aaron, “What did these people do to you, that you led them into such great sin?”

22“Do not be angry, my lord,” Aaron answered. “You know how prone these people are to evil. 23They said to me, ‘Make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.’ 24So I told them, ‘Whoever has any gold jewelry, take it off.’ Then they gave me the gold, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf!”

 

[FromTheSouth]

Crashin, that is terrible. The Torah is the first five books of the Bible - Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy.

The next section is the Nevi'im, or the prophets. Then comes the Ketuvim. The Ketuvim is the psalms, etc, or the wisdom of the prophets.

Put these sections together Talmud, Nevi'im, Ketuvim, and you get Tanakh, or Old Testament.

Worst Jew ever.

 

[One Punch Doug Crashin]

Crashin, that is terrible. The Torah is the first five books of the Bible - Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy.

The next section is the Nevi'im, or the prophets. Then comes the Ketuvim. The Ketuvim is the psalms, etc, or the wisdom of the prophets.

Put these sections together Talmud, Nevi'im, Ketuvim, and you get Tanakh, or Old Testament.

Worst Jew ever.

forgive me. Its late here.

 

[Lee]

It's late here and I knew that!

 

[FromTheSouth]

And, yeah, Kings is in the Old Testament. It's where the Jews were told to prepare for the coming of the Messiah.

 

[Lee]

Elisha being pretty famous.

 

[FromTheSouth]

Elisha being pretty famous.

He's only the Messiah of the Jewish people, that's all.

Doug, when you leave your door open during Seder, Elisha is the expected guest.

 

[Lee]

He's only the Messiah of the Jewish people, that's all.

Doug, when you leave your door open during Seder, Elisha is the expected guest.

Isn't that Elijah the guy who trained him?

 

[FromTheSouth]

In his dojo. Yes.

 

[Lee]

He did: Elijah was a prophet taken by chariot of fire, Elisha was the guy who was Elijahs padwan.

 

[Ty Burna]

Lee and I are having this whole epic conversation on MSN right now.

 

[Lee]

Yeah it's pretty good (if ty decided to talk back!)

 

[Ty Burna]

Sorry, my daughter woke up. I had to get her to fall back asleep. I also needed a cigarette.

 

[ABMorales787]

The Bible has been changed over the years. Its about 6000 years old and its not originally written in english. Its text changes over time to "fit" a more modern era. Of course it doesn't go as planned does it?

Considering Kings is in the old testament.

I've also read the torah which has the funniest moment in human history:

Ex 32

21He said to Aaron, “What did these people do to you, that you led them into such great sin?”

22“Do not be angry, my lord,” Aaron answered. “You know how prone these people are to evil. 23They said to me, ‘Make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.’ 24So I told them, ‘Whoever has any gold jewelry, take it off.’ Then they gave me the gold, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf!”

Wow. I know this. This is the story of Baal. A false god that was crafted during Moses' time getting the 10 Commandments. Obviously they made the calf. They didn't make it out of magic. It was carved as a calf with a base to carry it while they traveled the desert. That is one fucked up translation.

 

[Tastycles]

The Old Testament is full of wierd stuff. Moses changes his staff into a snake, and then the Egyptian sorceres turn theirs into snakes, then Moses' snake eats the Egyptian ones. No serious theologian since St. Augustine has taken the Bible completely literally, because of stories like this.

 

[One Punch Doug Crashin]

my apologies everyone. my Hebrew school was the worst you could imagine. We didn't learn anything outside of the 5 books so yea.

 

[Shadowmancer]

which translation you using lee?

 

[Lee]

Obviously they didn't make it out of magic, that was the new king james version but every version has the same. Hence why I think it's funny...you can just see Aaron trying to come up with an excuse.

 

[Razor]

The Old Testament is full of wierd stuff. Moses changes his staff into a snake, and then the Egyptian sorceres turn theirs into snakes, then Moses' snake eats the Egyptian ones. No serious theologian since St. Augustine has taken the Bible completely literally, because of stories like this.

I know more than a few people who need to realize this.

 

[Cena's Little Helper]

Post the stories in the Old Testament where men offer their daughters up for rape at the drop of a hat.