klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Smackdown got a 2.1, up from last week. The show continues to run strong.
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 21, 2011
Location: CONSOL Energy Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Jerry Lawler
With less than two weeks to go before Wrestlemania its pretty clear that the card is set. That being said, it now means that the TV is probably going to get dull as all we have is padding for the upcoming PPV. Im not looking for a lot on the next two weeks and next week in particular. Nothing that I can think of is announced for tonight, so lets get to it.
We open with Good Old ..Michael Cole in a fat suit with his ankle taped and a bottle of barbecue sauce. It took the crowd a bit to get the idea but they finally boo the hell out of him. Cole has cotton in his mouth to simulate Ross voice issues. Funny stuff.
HHH opens us up properly. His entrances might take longer than Undertakers if thats possible. HHH talks about how this is the biggest match of his career and how people are finally talking about the match with the signs like 19-0 and 18-1. He actually says the Streak is bigger than any championship. Im kind of surprised to hear that. HHH wants Undertaker to be here next week for a staredown. He talks about Takers song and that once the Streak is over, Taker is done and that at Mania Undertaker will rest in peace. Weak promo indeed.
HHH starts to leave but heres ..Ted DiBiase? As in Junior. What the hell does he think hes doing here? He talks about how last year he was a rising star and now hes just another guy. What would happen if he took out HHH right now on live TV? Well at least he knows he means nothing. DiBiase gets in a few shots but winds up getting beaten down to the shock of no one. HHH beats on DiBiase with a chair and I guess this is to show how ruthless he is. Pedigree through the announce table and DiBiase is dead.
Cena will be here via satellite tonight. Oh there are a ton of jokes there.
Miz will be rewriting Miz-Tory tonight. Ok then.
Evan Bourne vs. Sheamus
This is non-title I think and is happening due to Bourne getting that quick win a few weeks back. Total Sheamus dominance to start us off here but Bourne gets a kick to put Sheamus down. Since almost the only move he has is the Shooting Star he tries that and misses. Brogue Kick ends this in 1:24.
Sheamus says hes the new US Champion and is awesome. Bryan comes out and wants his rematch at Mania. Sheamus kicks him in the head and leaves him laying. Gee remember a few weeks ago when so many people said Sheamus got buried and I said you were wrong and it wasnt a burial? Care to say that you all ran your mouths now and have no idea what youre talking about? Go ahead. Anytime now.
Its Wrestlemania Rewind tonight with Orton vs. Mysterio vs. the invisible and unnamed Kurt Angle apparently.
Back with Orton getting off a bus and having some interviewer asking him how hes doing. Orton talks about being on the bus and liking having his family with him and that he loves watching the video of him punting Nexus over and over again. All we really get out of this is that he has a bus. And Im sure Punk isnt going to do anything to that bus later. Not a thing.
Maryse vs. Eve Torres
Non title again as I guess Maryse is heel on Raw and face on NXT. She gets slapped down as this is about as riveting as you would expect it to be. After nothing of note is going on, Cole AGAIN interrupts them on the mic and says he has something else to announce tonight that is special and we need to get this match over with. Standing moonsault to Maryse gets knees but she hits a spinning neckbreaker to end it at 2:20. Eve goes after Cole and his security takes her out.
Back with Corre in the ring as the tag champions are on Raw for once. We get a clip from Smackdown of Corre beating the hell out of Kane and Big Show which was nowhere near as epic as they were trying to make it out to be.
Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater vs. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov
Its not a good sign that I had the non-champions names written in before their music hit because theyre the Raw face tag team. Gabriel vs. Santino to start and Santino wants the Cobra. He gets his head kicked off instead and its off to Slater for the chinlock. Off to Kozlov as Barrett gets involved. Slater gets a reverse DDT and the 450 ends this at 1:47. Total squash.
Show and Kane come down for the save post match. They clean house and leave Corre laying, including Jackson after a double chokeslam. Im guessing this will be at Mania somehow as all four faces stand mostly tall.
Cenas interview is up next.
Back and we recap Miz destroying Cena to end last week and the last few weeks worth of shows.
Cena says that he's injured and it's because of Miz. Miz is impressive and deserves to be champion. This is serious Cena here and it's rather short with one major thing being said: Rock and Cena in the same ring next week. They had to do it sooner or later, but I would have waited until Wrestlemania. Give the fans something very important to see.
Coles announcement is up next.
Back with Cole and Swagger running around the ring. Swagger goes out in front of the announce table (which has been repaired after HHH broke it) and Cole talks about last week with Brian being here, which we get a clip of. Apparently Brian Christopher sent Cole a gift: the Lawler Family Photo Album.
We get some pictures of Lawlers father with Cole saying what Lawlers father is thinking. Naturally theyre all insults. Cole says he went to Memphis this week and found out that Lawler and Lawlers father are very similar: theyre both bullies that back down when someone puts them in their place, like Cole is going to do at Mania. Lawler has Swagger two feet in front of him which is why he hasnt charged the ring yet.
Cole calls the Lawler family a bunch of losers and Lawler snaps. He beats up Swagger a bit and goes after Cole but Swagger gets up and beats him down. Cole hides in the box and Swagger shoves Lawlers face into the box while Swagger keeps insulting him. Ankle lock goes on as does the AnCole Lock (and no Im not making that name up) which Lawler taps to. Mad heat on Cole and Swagger as we go to a break. The build for this has been awesome to say the least.
Mania hype video which is pretty good. Hard to believe its only 13 days away.
Cole apologizes for no apparent reason at all.
That transitions us to talking about ..Snooki. Damn it. Its a recap plus all the media talking about this match and trying to use wrestling lingo while sounding like imbeciles.
Dolph Ziggler vs. John Morrison
Laycool and Vickie are with Dolph and Trish is with Morrison. Ziggler takes him down to start but Morrison goes all angry. That gets him caught in a neckbreaker for two to take him down. Morrison gets going and hits a dropkick. Michelle stops him from diving over the top and Trish fights off Laycool. Trish winds up in the ring and its E-Mail time. Its now a 4-2 handicap match with Laycool/Vickie/Ziggler vs. Trish/Morrison which starts after the break.
Dolph Ziggler/Laycool/Vickie Guerrero vs. Trish Stratus/John Morrison
Back with the guys going at it. Off to Trish and Layla who both look great. Michelle kicks Trish in the back to shift the momentum and bring in the tall blonde. I think she got tagged twice but whatever. Knee to Trishs head as Trishs pants seem to be falling a bit. Back off to Layla as Trish plays Ricky Morton for awhile. Off to Vickie who misses an ass drop and its off to the men again. The girls fight elsewhere while Morrison misses Starship Pain. He gets sent into the post and Ziggler adds a Zig Zag. Vickie gets the pin at 4:00 shown.
Sin Cara video. I was a bit underwhelmed the first time I saw this but the more I see it the more I want to see him.
Various stars and legends talk about HHH vs. Undertaker. The weakest name in there is probably Morrison so theyre having a lot of big names in there. Guys like Race, Ross, Lawler, Cena, Arn Anderson and Austin talk about it. Shawn says nothing lasts forever. Arn says its like winning 18 Super Bowls in a row. Not really but well go with that.
Rey Mysterio vs. Randy Orton
Mysterios entrance is after the break. Back and we see the Orton bus clip from earlier but the audio is messed up. Rey is in the black and yellow for the Steelers color scheme. He takes Orton down to his knees but the equally tall from there Orton gets a European uppercut to take Rey down. Orton does an evil look and throws Rey to the floor.
Back in and Ortons knee drop gets two. Rey fights back and gets the seated senton for two. Orton might have had a chance to block it if he hadnt been falling down before the move hit. Orton tries the elevated DDT but Rey counters with something like a slingshot through Ortons legs which is one of the only counters that Ive ever seen that was somewhat realistic. Orton blocks the 619 and hits the DDT.
Orton preps for the RKO but Punk pops up on the screen. Hes in front of the tour bus from earlier and says he cant wait to meet Ortons wife. Orton sprints to the back (well say the match ended there, meaning it ended at 3:45) and gets jumped by Punk who hits Randy in the knee with a wrench. Punk says Orton wont be punting anyone at Mania. Now aint that a kick in the head.
HHH and Undertaker will be face to face next week.
Rock will be live next week.
Alex Riley is in the ring which has a red carpet now. Apparently hes been rehired (presumably by Miz) as Vice President of Corporate Communications. He introduces Miz who apparently was the best man at Rileys wedding. Miz talks about how people used to come from miles around to see Muhammad Ali and Michael Jordan perform and now people come to see Miz.
Its his time now and while there have been Rock imitators over the years, his impression was the best. He has more charisma than Shawn Michaels, is more dominant than Andre the Giant and is more intelligent than Rock and Cena combined. He says that tonight he rewrites Miztory and he takes the mic cube off. He holds it up and turns it upside down, making an M.
Behind him is a table with a sheet over it. He and Riley pull it off to reveal the WWE Title with the W flipped upside down to make an M. Thats the new title design apparently. He hits the catchphrase and Cena pops up on the screen. He points out that thats kind of lame, which it is. Cena says that the WWE Universe knows hes not invincible and that they also know you shouldnt make him mad.
Cena has a surprise for them. Some people in Pittsburgh Penguins shirts pop up and take apart his walls, revealing that hes really in the arena. He didnt lie when he said he was at home, because his home is here with the fans, just like hes been for 9 years. Points for being creative there at least. Miz and Riley beat him down for awhile but Cena fights back. Miz runs and Riley gets caught in the STF a few times. Miz comes back but doesnt come to the ring. Cenas music plays us out.
Results
Sheamus b. Evan Bourne Brogue Kick
Eve Torres b. Maryse Spinning Neckbreaker
Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater b. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov 450 to Kozlov
John Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler went to a no contest when Laycool and Trish Stratus interfered
Dolph Ziggler/Vickie Guerrero/Laycool b. John Morrison/Trish Stratus Guerrero pinned Morrison after a Zig Zag from Ziggler
Randy Orton vs. Rey Mysterio went to a no contest when Orton left the ring
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.3. Ouch.
NXT
Date: March 22, 2011
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: William Regal, Todd Grisham
Ok so its week three now and there is nothing to say at all. I mean really theres nothing to talk about regarding this show that I havent said already. The guys arent interesting, the wrestling is just ok and the challenges are exactly the same thing weve seen every season so far. I have no idea what else to say here so lets get to it.
One quick note: my feed kept cutting out during this show so if I missed anything I apologize.
The show opens with the usual introduction of the rookies. Wild and Young is a nice add-on here. Regal likes Young the best out of the guys in this season. We go over the Redemption points standings which Maryse gets wrong. The first challenge is a battle of the mics .and there goes my feed. Apparently this is about insulting the other people. Ah there it is. Its a tournament style thing apparently.
First up is Saxton vs. Novak. Novak tries to rap and makes fun of Columbus. This is awful. Saxton says nothing of note as he makes fun of Cannons robe and wins by default here more or less.
Up next is OBrian vs. ONeil. OBrian makes fun of the MAKE IT A WIN thing. ONeil makes fun of OBrians nose and its just awful. ONeil somehow wins due to Horny. I give up.
Young vs. Cannon now. Young makes fun of the robe and says forget about Maryse. Cannon makes fun of the Ohio State Buckeyes (College basketball team that is on a roll at the moment) for no apparent reason as its going to get him eliminated. I guess hes just not that smart. Young of course wins although Regal makes an interesting point, saying that it was a win for Cannon because the people actually responded.
So its a three way of talking between Saxton, Young and ONeil. Saxton rambles about ONeil and dogs and then makes fun of Youngs hair. ONeil basically does a commercial for Gillette and I have no idea why this man is on my computer screen as hes an idiot. Young says that ONeil is old and that he looks better than Saxton. This was AWFUL. I kid you not, the crowd boos all three guys so they do it again to see who gets booed the least with Young winning.
We recap the previous two weeks for no apparent reason.
Darren Young vs. Titus ONeil
ONeil has purple tights and gold boots plus a leprechaun in the corner. Could this guy be a bigger joke? Young is so far ahead of ONeil its unreal and yet hes nothing worth talking about at all. We hit the chinlock quickly as the fans are into ONeil only due to Horny. Backbreaker by ONeil gets two. They go to the corner for a bit and Chavo helps. Naturally Horny goes after Chavo and Titus hits a powerbomb to end it at 3:00.
We see the Taker/HHH video from last night which is only cool for the legends in there. I am not feeling this match in the slightest.
Cannon hits on Maryse and gets slapped. Yoshi laughs and gets slapped. Cannon laughs at Yoshi and gets punched. Riveting.
Video on Lucky Cannon talks about how different he is. He doesnt want to hear about Season 2 anymore so lets talk about him more. Its all about him and hes, damn it all, winning. Fuck Charlie Sheen to hell and back.
Vladimir Kozlov/Conor OBrian vs. JTG/Jacob Novak
And Striker makes it a dance off. Regal says hes a hell of a dancer. I think weve seen that before and it was awesome if I remember it right. Regal is cracking me up with him ripping into JTG and says that his only talent is stealing. Apparently his sister in law is a great shoplifter and whatever Todd wants from her can be here next week. Vlad and OBrian destroy them of course and this is a squash. Somehow they were synchronized on this if you can believe that.
We get the ending of Raw last night with the new belt and Cena actually being there. Ill give them credit for the Cena thing as not only was it surprising but it kept things from being hypocritical on his part.
Byron Saxton vs. Lucky Cannon
And this is your main event people. I want this show to die. They slug it out in the corner to start with Cannon in control. Saxton fires off some shoulders but Kidd distracts him to allow Cannon to get a big boot to take over. Neckbreaker gets two for Lucky. Theres a chinlock with the knee in the back as JTG tells Horny how to take notes apparently.
A second neckbreaker is blocked and Saxton takes him down. My screen keeps freezing so Im not sure on a lot of the moves. I also know that it doesnt mean a thing at all here. Kidd is at least coaching here. Saxton hits the post and its that reverse DVD/FU that Cannon used before to end this at 3:30.
Cannon beats up Yoshi post match to end the show.
Results
Titus ONeil b. Darren Young Powerbomb
Vladimir Kozlov/Conor OBrian b. JTG/Jacob Novak in a dance off
Lucky Cannon b. Byron Saxton Firemans carry into a mat slam
Wednesday
Nothing today.
Thursday
Mark Henry might retire. Why is this news again?
Impact
Date: March 24, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: Do the Math
Its another week in the Impact Zone after last weeks pretty awful show. For some reason I have a better feeling about this show tonight. I hope we dont have another #1 contenders match tonight as there seems to be one on every show. Other than that we continue on the Road to Lockdown. Lets get to it.
We open with clips of Anderson wanting a title shot last week and the segments with Hogan. Oh and they say asshole a lot. This has various editing in it so they have the same thing said multiple times and with different voice effects.
In the arena its Anderson and some guy in a suit. Theres what appears to be a dry erase board in the ring. Into the ring and theres a bunch of math and formulas on the board. This guy is apparently a professor from the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay and is a mathematician. He talks about how Hogan and Bischoff are trying to mess this up for him. Last week there was a double pin last week which he draws on the board.
Anderson never got a rematch and when you add up everything, WHERE IS HIS FREAKING REMATCH??? The professor says he does deserve a rematch and thats it from him. Oh wait Anderson wants to talk about some chick he wants to sleep with back in college. Anderson implies the professor wanted to sleep with her too which the professor admits to.
The girl told Anderson that the professor told her that Anderson was gay. The professor admits to it and Anderson says thats cool. Say it with me: Mic Check to the professor. Nothing for Mary Ann? Cue Hogan and Bischoff. The professor is out cold under the board. Bischoff doesnt see what Hogan sees in Anderson and that the Network wont like this. Eric says that this is all Hogans deal.
Hogan likes what Anderson did to the professor, saying that he thought it was entertaining. Anderson has been running amuck recently and Hogan doesnt like it. Hogan doesnt like the idea of Anderson not doing things his way, the Immortal way. There wont be a rematch unless Anderson earns it. The rematch contract doesnt count because its signed by Dixie. That does cover why his win in the triple threat back in February is worthless so points for that. Its RVD vs. Anderson tonight for the shot at Sting. Anderson says RVD isnt in his league.
Cue RVD as we take a break. Back with RVD saying say what you were saying right now to Anderson. Anderson says hell say it in the ring and calls Hogan a douchebag. Hogan likes that and talks about playing in a sandbox with a perverted professor. RVD isnt sure why he signed with TNA in the first place. Hes tired of being held back by Hogan and Bischoff and this needs to be RVDTV.
Sweet damn its Sting now as I guess 20 minutes of talking isnt enough to open a show. I wasnt huge on Stings new look at first but its growing on me. He got a call from the Network also and they want Sting to be the enforcer in the main event tonight. Damn the Network called him fast. Granted they might have known about the match in advance I guess.
We get an update on AJ who has a bruiser spinal cord and hell be out indefinitely.
Tara vs. Mickie next.
Mickie James vs. Tara
What in the world happened to the Knockouts division? This should be a great match but its been done into the ground. Madison tells Tara to take Mickie down tonight no matter what it takes. Naturally theres a Charlie Sheen reference because everyone loves him still right? We do get the Broken song though so Im happy there. Mickie dominates to start us off with a Thesz Press and a flapjack.
Tara is more or less in a bikini with a slightly longer top. Cant say Im complaining. Tara counters a rana attempt by Mickie into a powerbomb. Tara goes up and gets crotched but fights Mickie off. In a rather awesome looking move Tara does something that is kind of similar to a Styles Clash but instead of the ending to the Clash she landed in a Boston Crab position. That was pretty cool looking. Didnt get the submission but the setup was cool. Widows Peak attempt doesnt work and a HUGE jumping DDT ends Tara at 3:20.
Anderson and Sting argue a bit in the back and Anderson wants to know a name at the Network. Theres no name apparently and its just The Network. That makes no sense so its probably a very important plot point for a major storyline.
We recap the borderline sexual assault on Okato last week by Pope.
Joe talks to Okato who has a match tonight. Okato says something in Japanese.
Okato vs. DAngelo Dinero
The announcer calls him Okada while the screen says Okato. Okato jumps him immediately and is wrestling in that Jimmy Jack Funk mask. After a quick attack to start he misses a dropkick off the top and here comes Pope. The ropes are making loud noises whenever theyre hit tonight. Pope vs. Joe at Lockdown.
Pope rams a bunch of knees into Okatos head as hes hanging over the apron. He takes the boot off and drills Okato in the head with it, then takes the glove off to reveal a bunch of rings. An uppercut with that is enough for a DQ at 2:28. Barely even a match here as other than about 8 seconds at the beginning it was all Pope. Pope pops the referee also and beats up Okato a bit more until Joe makes the save. BIG reaction for Joe.
Video on Sting that weve seen like three times now which is about how he got into wrestling and loves TNA now. TNA needed a hero so he came back. Lots of Hardy mentions in this video which Im not sure what to think of.
Now we get a video on Angle vs. Jarrett. Is there a reason why were seeing a promo video for Lockdown in the middle of a show? Theyre good videos but Im a bit confused as to why theyre airing here.
All show weve heard about Flair issuing a challenge to Fourtune. Thats up next.
Back with RVD talking to Hogan. Hogan thinks RVD is the guy and that he doesnt get what Bischoff sees in Anderson. He wants RVD to give it his all tonight and Van Dam leaves. Hogan laughs and says what an idiot.
Here are Flair, Ray and Matt Hardy. Flair talks about being God and how hes going to hand the mic off to two great tag team wrestlers who are the best thing going today. Wow indeed. Matt looks so high its unreal. He talks about being told they were the future 10 years ago but being stabbed in the back. Theyre going to stab Fourtune in the back but doing it straight ahead.
Bubba takes the mic and the fans chant for D-Von. He talks about AJ not being here and how its because of Ray. Apparently his Uncle Vito taught him to make people an offer they cant refuse. Ray asks for a 4-3 match at Lockdown. Arent there only three of each? Cue Fourtune minus AJ of course.
Kaz leads the charge and the fight is on. Why are Flairs clothes always ripped off in fights? DWI attempt on Flair but the lights go red. And Abyss is back and is the 4th man. Theres a chain brought in from somewhere and the big beating is on. We take a break with Immortal standing tall.
Back with Abyss saying hes stronger now and all that jazz. Hes a monster dont you know.
Here are Hernandez and his Mexican team, in this case the guy that ran in last week and Sarita/Rosita. The guy is named El Anarchia. The stable is called Mexican America apparently. Theyre taking our jobs, our women and our money because theyre the superior race. Hernandez puts a Mexican flag over the American flag. That flag is huge. They call out Morgan who comes out with .he comes out with D-Von.
D-Von/Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez/Anarchia
This is a street fight. Theres the massive Mexican flag above the ring and a British flag in the stands. Holy international show! Moregan and Hernandez in the ring with a fallaway slam taking Hernandez down. The elbows in the corner set up a clothesline to send Supermex to the floor. Velvet Sky runs down because this isnt making enough sense already and she fights with the girls.
Angelina Love (damn that Jersey Shore chick so I now have to explain things) walks out very slowly but doesnt do anything. Winter comes out and screams ANGELINA. Isnt there like a MATCH going on right now? Angelina leaves and we go back to the mach. Anarchia hits D-Von with some object to end this at 3:40. I know thats long enough to grade but considering we saw maybe 90 seconds of the actual match and the rest was on the girls, no rating.
Scott Steiner/Crimson vs. Ink Inc
Glad to see Crimson actually getting some camera time. Neal looks like hes in boxers. Total squash to start with Neal getting destroyed by both guys. Moore comes in and gets beaten down also. He gets the first offense of the match for his team in the form of a moonsault press. Shannon goes to tag Jesse but Jesse is still hurt. Instead he jumps into the Red Alert to end it 3:05.
Neal shows respect post match but Moore takes the head gear of Steiner and wipes his ass with it and throws it at Steiner. Neal yells at him for it.
Video of the Anderson vs. RVD match at Victory Road.
Rob Van Dam vs. Mr. Anderson
This match is happening because Earl Hebner never got to declare a winner. So, in the last week, no one like, asked him who won? Basic stuff to start us off as Anderson gets a neckbreaker for two. Sting is the outside referee so they might as well stamp Screwy finish on this right now. Backbreaker gets two. Totally going through the motions here until we get to the ref bump.
And there it is as Anderson clotheslines the referee. Chinlock by Anderson as Sting comes in as referee now. Split legged moonsault gets two for RVD. Rolling Thunder is avoided so RVD dives to the floor to take out Anderson. Anderson fires a chair into the ring and Sting throws it out. Mic Check into the post and RVD is done. Anderson drills Sting and its a DQ at 6:43. Ok, so RVD is #1 contender! There is no way that there could be any other logical conclusion.
Big pull apart brawl post match and we take a break.
Back with interviews with everyone involved in the match. RVD doesn't remember the match and thinks he has a title match tonight with Sting out of all this. The interviewer corrects him and RVD is gone after the Mic Check into the post. So another head injury angle? Original guys, original.
Anderson wants to know why Sting is afraid of him.
Sting says he didn't ring the bell. Oh dear. Oh dear indeed. Anderson goes after Sting and they brawl again. After they're pulled apart Anderson wants to know who rang the bell.
Results
Mickie James b. Tara Jumping DDT
Okato b. DAngelo Dinero via DQ when Dinero hit Okato with rings on his hand
Hernandez/Anarchia b. D-Von/Matt Morgan Anarchia pinned D-Von after hitting him with brass knuckles
Scott Steiner/Crimson b. Ink Inc Red Alert to Moore
Rob Van Dam b. Mr. Anderson via DQ when Anderson hit the referee
Smackdown got a 2.1, up from last week. The show continues to run strong.
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 21, 2011
Location: CONSOL Energy Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Jerry Lawler
With less than two weeks to go before Wrestlemania its pretty clear that the card is set. That being said, it now means that the TV is probably going to get dull as all we have is padding for the upcoming PPV. Im not looking for a lot on the next two weeks and next week in particular. Nothing that I can think of is announced for tonight, so lets get to it.
We open with Good Old ..Michael Cole in a fat suit with his ankle taped and a bottle of barbecue sauce. It took the crowd a bit to get the idea but they finally boo the hell out of him. Cole has cotton in his mouth to simulate Ross voice issues. Funny stuff.
HHH opens us up properly. His entrances might take longer than Undertakers if thats possible. HHH talks about how this is the biggest match of his career and how people are finally talking about the match with the signs like 19-0 and 18-1. He actually says the Streak is bigger than any championship. Im kind of surprised to hear that. HHH wants Undertaker to be here next week for a staredown. He talks about Takers song and that once the Streak is over, Taker is done and that at Mania Undertaker will rest in peace. Weak promo indeed.
HHH starts to leave but heres ..Ted DiBiase? As in Junior. What the hell does he think hes doing here? He talks about how last year he was a rising star and now hes just another guy. What would happen if he took out HHH right now on live TV? Well at least he knows he means nothing. DiBiase gets in a few shots but winds up getting beaten down to the shock of no one. HHH beats on DiBiase with a chair and I guess this is to show how ruthless he is. Pedigree through the announce table and DiBiase is dead.
Cena will be here via satellite tonight. Oh there are a ton of jokes there.
Miz will be rewriting Miz-Tory tonight. Ok then.
Evan Bourne vs. Sheamus
This is non-title I think and is happening due to Bourne getting that quick win a few weeks back. Total Sheamus dominance to start us off here but Bourne gets a kick to put Sheamus down. Since almost the only move he has is the Shooting Star he tries that and misses. Brogue Kick ends this in 1:24.
Sheamus says hes the new US Champion and is awesome. Bryan comes out and wants his rematch at Mania. Sheamus kicks him in the head and leaves him laying. Gee remember a few weeks ago when so many people said Sheamus got buried and I said you were wrong and it wasnt a burial? Care to say that you all ran your mouths now and have no idea what youre talking about? Go ahead. Anytime now.
Its Wrestlemania Rewind tonight with Orton vs. Mysterio vs. the invisible and unnamed Kurt Angle apparently.
Back with Orton getting off a bus and having some interviewer asking him how hes doing. Orton talks about being on the bus and liking having his family with him and that he loves watching the video of him punting Nexus over and over again. All we really get out of this is that he has a bus. And Im sure Punk isnt going to do anything to that bus later. Not a thing.
Maryse vs. Eve Torres
Non title again as I guess Maryse is heel on Raw and face on NXT. She gets slapped down as this is about as riveting as you would expect it to be. After nothing of note is going on, Cole AGAIN interrupts them on the mic and says he has something else to announce tonight that is special and we need to get this match over with. Standing moonsault to Maryse gets knees but she hits a spinning neckbreaker to end it at 2:20. Eve goes after Cole and his security takes her out.
Back with Corre in the ring as the tag champions are on Raw for once. We get a clip from Smackdown of Corre beating the hell out of Kane and Big Show which was nowhere near as epic as they were trying to make it out to be.
Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater vs. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov
Its not a good sign that I had the non-champions names written in before their music hit because theyre the Raw face tag team. Gabriel vs. Santino to start and Santino wants the Cobra. He gets his head kicked off instead and its off to Slater for the chinlock. Off to Kozlov as Barrett gets involved. Slater gets a reverse DDT and the 450 ends this at 1:47. Total squash.
Show and Kane come down for the save post match. They clean house and leave Corre laying, including Jackson after a double chokeslam. Im guessing this will be at Mania somehow as all four faces stand mostly tall.
Cenas interview is up next.
Back and we recap Miz destroying Cena to end last week and the last few weeks worth of shows.
Cena says that he's injured and it's because of Miz. Miz is impressive and deserves to be champion. This is serious Cena here and it's rather short with one major thing being said: Rock and Cena in the same ring next week. They had to do it sooner or later, but I would have waited until Wrestlemania. Give the fans something very important to see.
Coles announcement is up next.
Back with Cole and Swagger running around the ring. Swagger goes out in front of the announce table (which has been repaired after HHH broke it) and Cole talks about last week with Brian being here, which we get a clip of. Apparently Brian Christopher sent Cole a gift: the Lawler Family Photo Album.
We get some pictures of Lawlers father with Cole saying what Lawlers father is thinking. Naturally theyre all insults. Cole says he went to Memphis this week and found out that Lawler and Lawlers father are very similar: theyre both bullies that back down when someone puts them in their place, like Cole is going to do at Mania. Lawler has Swagger two feet in front of him which is why he hasnt charged the ring yet.
Cole calls the Lawler family a bunch of losers and Lawler snaps. He beats up Swagger a bit and goes after Cole but Swagger gets up and beats him down. Cole hides in the box and Swagger shoves Lawlers face into the box while Swagger keeps insulting him. Ankle lock goes on as does the AnCole Lock (and no Im not making that name up) which Lawler taps to. Mad heat on Cole and Swagger as we go to a break. The build for this has been awesome to say the least.
Mania hype video which is pretty good. Hard to believe its only 13 days away.
Cole apologizes for no apparent reason at all.
That transitions us to talking about ..Snooki. Damn it. Its a recap plus all the media talking about this match and trying to use wrestling lingo while sounding like imbeciles.
Dolph Ziggler vs. John Morrison
Laycool and Vickie are with Dolph and Trish is with Morrison. Ziggler takes him down to start but Morrison goes all angry. That gets him caught in a neckbreaker for two to take him down. Morrison gets going and hits a dropkick. Michelle stops him from diving over the top and Trish fights off Laycool. Trish winds up in the ring and its E-Mail time. Its now a 4-2 handicap match with Laycool/Vickie/Ziggler vs. Trish/Morrison which starts after the break.
Dolph Ziggler/Laycool/Vickie Guerrero vs. Trish Stratus/John Morrison
Back with the guys going at it. Off to Trish and Layla who both look great. Michelle kicks Trish in the back to shift the momentum and bring in the tall blonde. I think she got tagged twice but whatever. Knee to Trishs head as Trishs pants seem to be falling a bit. Back off to Layla as Trish plays Ricky Morton for awhile. Off to Vickie who misses an ass drop and its off to the men again. The girls fight elsewhere while Morrison misses Starship Pain. He gets sent into the post and Ziggler adds a Zig Zag. Vickie gets the pin at 4:00 shown.
Sin Cara video. I was a bit underwhelmed the first time I saw this but the more I see it the more I want to see him.
Various stars and legends talk about HHH vs. Undertaker. The weakest name in there is probably Morrison so theyre having a lot of big names in there. Guys like Race, Ross, Lawler, Cena, Arn Anderson and Austin talk about it. Shawn says nothing lasts forever. Arn says its like winning 18 Super Bowls in a row. Not really but well go with that.
Rey Mysterio vs. Randy Orton
Mysterios entrance is after the break. Back and we see the Orton bus clip from earlier but the audio is messed up. Rey is in the black and yellow for the Steelers color scheme. He takes Orton down to his knees but the equally tall from there Orton gets a European uppercut to take Rey down. Orton does an evil look and throws Rey to the floor.
Back in and Ortons knee drop gets two. Rey fights back and gets the seated senton for two. Orton might have had a chance to block it if he hadnt been falling down before the move hit. Orton tries the elevated DDT but Rey counters with something like a slingshot through Ortons legs which is one of the only counters that Ive ever seen that was somewhat realistic. Orton blocks the 619 and hits the DDT.
Orton preps for the RKO but Punk pops up on the screen. Hes in front of the tour bus from earlier and says he cant wait to meet Ortons wife. Orton sprints to the back (well say the match ended there, meaning it ended at 3:45) and gets jumped by Punk who hits Randy in the knee with a wrench. Punk says Orton wont be punting anyone at Mania. Now aint that a kick in the head.
HHH and Undertaker will be face to face next week.
Rock will be live next week.
Alex Riley is in the ring which has a red carpet now. Apparently hes been rehired (presumably by Miz) as Vice President of Corporate Communications. He introduces Miz who apparently was the best man at Rileys wedding. Miz talks about how people used to come from miles around to see Muhammad Ali and Michael Jordan perform and now people come to see Miz.
Its his time now and while there have been Rock imitators over the years, his impression was the best. He has more charisma than Shawn Michaels, is more dominant than Andre the Giant and is more intelligent than Rock and Cena combined. He says that tonight he rewrites Miztory and he takes the mic cube off. He holds it up and turns it upside down, making an M.
Behind him is a table with a sheet over it. He and Riley pull it off to reveal the WWE Title with the W flipped upside down to make an M. Thats the new title design apparently. He hits the catchphrase and Cena pops up on the screen. He points out that thats kind of lame, which it is. Cena says that the WWE Universe knows hes not invincible and that they also know you shouldnt make him mad.
Cena has a surprise for them. Some people in Pittsburgh Penguins shirts pop up and take apart his walls, revealing that hes really in the arena. He didnt lie when he said he was at home, because his home is here with the fans, just like hes been for 9 years. Points for being creative there at least. Miz and Riley beat him down for awhile but Cena fights back. Miz runs and Riley gets caught in the STF a few times. Miz comes back but doesnt come to the ring. Cenas music plays us out.
Results
Sheamus b. Evan Bourne Brogue Kick
Eve Torres b. Maryse Spinning Neckbreaker
Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater b. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov 450 to Kozlov
John Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler went to a no contest when Laycool and Trish Stratus interfered
Dolph Ziggler/Vickie Guerrero/Laycool b. John Morrison/Trish Stratus Guerrero pinned Morrison after a Zig Zag from Ziggler
Randy Orton vs. Rey Mysterio went to a no contest when Orton left the ring
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.3. Ouch.
NXT
Date: March 22, 2011
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: William Regal, Todd Grisham
Ok so its week three now and there is nothing to say at all. I mean really theres nothing to talk about regarding this show that I havent said already. The guys arent interesting, the wrestling is just ok and the challenges are exactly the same thing weve seen every season so far. I have no idea what else to say here so lets get to it.
One quick note: my feed kept cutting out during this show so if I missed anything I apologize.
The show opens with the usual introduction of the rookies. Wild and Young is a nice add-on here. Regal likes Young the best out of the guys in this season. We go over the Redemption points standings which Maryse gets wrong. The first challenge is a battle of the mics .and there goes my feed. Apparently this is about insulting the other people. Ah there it is. Its a tournament style thing apparently.
First up is Saxton vs. Novak. Novak tries to rap and makes fun of Columbus. This is awful. Saxton says nothing of note as he makes fun of Cannons robe and wins by default here more or less.
Up next is OBrian vs. ONeil. OBrian makes fun of the MAKE IT A WIN thing. ONeil makes fun of OBrians nose and its just awful. ONeil somehow wins due to Horny. I give up.
Young vs. Cannon now. Young makes fun of the robe and says forget about Maryse. Cannon makes fun of the Ohio State Buckeyes (College basketball team that is on a roll at the moment) for no apparent reason as its going to get him eliminated. I guess hes just not that smart. Young of course wins although Regal makes an interesting point, saying that it was a win for Cannon because the people actually responded.
So its a three way of talking between Saxton, Young and ONeil. Saxton rambles about ONeil and dogs and then makes fun of Youngs hair. ONeil basically does a commercial for Gillette and I have no idea why this man is on my computer screen as hes an idiot. Young says that ONeil is old and that he looks better than Saxton. This was AWFUL. I kid you not, the crowd boos all three guys so they do it again to see who gets booed the least with Young winning.
We recap the previous two weeks for no apparent reason.
Darren Young vs. Titus ONeil
ONeil has purple tights and gold boots plus a leprechaun in the corner. Could this guy be a bigger joke? Young is so far ahead of ONeil its unreal and yet hes nothing worth talking about at all. We hit the chinlock quickly as the fans are into ONeil only due to Horny. Backbreaker by ONeil gets two. They go to the corner for a bit and Chavo helps. Naturally Horny goes after Chavo and Titus hits a powerbomb to end it at 3:00.
We see the Taker/HHH video from last night which is only cool for the legends in there. I am not feeling this match in the slightest.
Cannon hits on Maryse and gets slapped. Yoshi laughs and gets slapped. Cannon laughs at Yoshi and gets punched. Riveting.
Video on Lucky Cannon talks about how different he is. He doesnt want to hear about Season 2 anymore so lets talk about him more. Its all about him and hes, damn it all, winning. Fuck Charlie Sheen to hell and back.
Vladimir Kozlov/Conor OBrian vs. JTG/Jacob Novak
And Striker makes it a dance off. Regal says hes a hell of a dancer. I think weve seen that before and it was awesome if I remember it right. Regal is cracking me up with him ripping into JTG and says that his only talent is stealing. Apparently his sister in law is a great shoplifter and whatever Todd wants from her can be here next week. Vlad and OBrian destroy them of course and this is a squash. Somehow they were synchronized on this if you can believe that.
We get the ending of Raw last night with the new belt and Cena actually being there. Ill give them credit for the Cena thing as not only was it surprising but it kept things from being hypocritical on his part.
Byron Saxton vs. Lucky Cannon
And this is your main event people. I want this show to die. They slug it out in the corner to start with Cannon in control. Saxton fires off some shoulders but Kidd distracts him to allow Cannon to get a big boot to take over. Neckbreaker gets two for Lucky. Theres a chinlock with the knee in the back as JTG tells Horny how to take notes apparently.
A second neckbreaker is blocked and Saxton takes him down. My screen keeps freezing so Im not sure on a lot of the moves. I also know that it doesnt mean a thing at all here. Kidd is at least coaching here. Saxton hits the post and its that reverse DVD/FU that Cannon used before to end this at 3:30.
Cannon beats up Yoshi post match to end the show.
Results
Titus ONeil b. Darren Young Powerbomb
Vladimir Kozlov/Conor OBrian b. JTG/Jacob Novak in a dance off
Lucky Cannon b. Byron Saxton Firemans carry into a mat slam
Wednesday
Nothing today.
Thursday
Mark Henry might retire. Why is this news again?
Impact
Date: March 24, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: Do the Math
Its another week in the Impact Zone after last weeks pretty awful show. For some reason I have a better feeling about this show tonight. I hope we dont have another #1 contenders match tonight as there seems to be one on every show. Other than that we continue on the Road to Lockdown. Lets get to it.
We open with clips of Anderson wanting a title shot last week and the segments with Hogan. Oh and they say asshole a lot. This has various editing in it so they have the same thing said multiple times and with different voice effects.
In the arena its Anderson and some guy in a suit. Theres what appears to be a dry erase board in the ring. Into the ring and theres a bunch of math and formulas on the board. This guy is apparently a professor from the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay and is a mathematician. He talks about how Hogan and Bischoff are trying to mess this up for him. Last week there was a double pin last week which he draws on the board.
Anderson never got a rematch and when you add up everything, WHERE IS HIS FREAKING REMATCH??? The professor says he does deserve a rematch and thats it from him. Oh wait Anderson wants to talk about some chick he wants to sleep with back in college. Anderson implies the professor wanted to sleep with her too which the professor admits to.
The girl told Anderson that the professor told her that Anderson was gay. The professor admits to it and Anderson says thats cool. Say it with me: Mic Check to the professor. Nothing for Mary Ann? Cue Hogan and Bischoff. The professor is out cold under the board. Bischoff doesnt see what Hogan sees in Anderson and that the Network wont like this. Eric says that this is all Hogans deal.
Hogan likes what Anderson did to the professor, saying that he thought it was entertaining. Anderson has been running amuck recently and Hogan doesnt like it. Hogan doesnt like the idea of Anderson not doing things his way, the Immortal way. There wont be a rematch unless Anderson earns it. The rematch contract doesnt count because its signed by Dixie. That does cover why his win in the triple threat back in February is worthless so points for that. Its RVD vs. Anderson tonight for the shot at Sting. Anderson says RVD isnt in his league.
Cue RVD as we take a break. Back with RVD saying say what you were saying right now to Anderson. Anderson says hell say it in the ring and calls Hogan a douchebag. Hogan likes that and talks about playing in a sandbox with a perverted professor. RVD isnt sure why he signed with TNA in the first place. Hes tired of being held back by Hogan and Bischoff and this needs to be RVDTV.
Sweet damn its Sting now as I guess 20 minutes of talking isnt enough to open a show. I wasnt huge on Stings new look at first but its growing on me. He got a call from the Network also and they want Sting to be the enforcer in the main event tonight. Damn the Network called him fast. Granted they might have known about the match in advance I guess.
We get an update on AJ who has a bruiser spinal cord and hell be out indefinitely.
Tara vs. Mickie next.
Mickie James vs. Tara
What in the world happened to the Knockouts division? This should be a great match but its been done into the ground. Madison tells Tara to take Mickie down tonight no matter what it takes. Naturally theres a Charlie Sheen reference because everyone loves him still right? We do get the Broken song though so Im happy there. Mickie dominates to start us off with a Thesz Press and a flapjack.
Tara is more or less in a bikini with a slightly longer top. Cant say Im complaining. Tara counters a rana attempt by Mickie into a powerbomb. Tara goes up and gets crotched but fights Mickie off. In a rather awesome looking move Tara does something that is kind of similar to a Styles Clash but instead of the ending to the Clash she landed in a Boston Crab position. That was pretty cool looking. Didnt get the submission but the setup was cool. Widows Peak attempt doesnt work and a HUGE jumping DDT ends Tara at 3:20.
Anderson and Sting argue a bit in the back and Anderson wants to know a name at the Network. Theres no name apparently and its just The Network. That makes no sense so its probably a very important plot point for a major storyline.
We recap the borderline sexual assault on Okato last week by Pope.
Joe talks to Okato who has a match tonight. Okato says something in Japanese.
Okato vs. DAngelo Dinero
The announcer calls him Okada while the screen says Okato. Okato jumps him immediately and is wrestling in that Jimmy Jack Funk mask. After a quick attack to start he misses a dropkick off the top and here comes Pope. The ropes are making loud noises whenever theyre hit tonight. Pope vs. Joe at Lockdown.
Pope rams a bunch of knees into Okatos head as hes hanging over the apron. He takes the boot off and drills Okato in the head with it, then takes the glove off to reveal a bunch of rings. An uppercut with that is enough for a DQ at 2:28. Barely even a match here as other than about 8 seconds at the beginning it was all Pope. Pope pops the referee also and beats up Okato a bit more until Joe makes the save. BIG reaction for Joe.
Video on Sting that weve seen like three times now which is about how he got into wrestling and loves TNA now. TNA needed a hero so he came back. Lots of Hardy mentions in this video which Im not sure what to think of.
Now we get a video on Angle vs. Jarrett. Is there a reason why were seeing a promo video for Lockdown in the middle of a show? Theyre good videos but Im a bit confused as to why theyre airing here.
All show weve heard about Flair issuing a challenge to Fourtune. Thats up next.
Back with RVD talking to Hogan. Hogan thinks RVD is the guy and that he doesnt get what Bischoff sees in Anderson. He wants RVD to give it his all tonight and Van Dam leaves. Hogan laughs and says what an idiot.
Here are Flair, Ray and Matt Hardy. Flair talks about being God and how hes going to hand the mic off to two great tag team wrestlers who are the best thing going today. Wow indeed. Matt looks so high its unreal. He talks about being told they were the future 10 years ago but being stabbed in the back. Theyre going to stab Fourtune in the back but doing it straight ahead.
Bubba takes the mic and the fans chant for D-Von. He talks about AJ not being here and how its because of Ray. Apparently his Uncle Vito taught him to make people an offer they cant refuse. Ray asks for a 4-3 match at Lockdown. Arent there only three of each? Cue Fourtune minus AJ of course.
Kaz leads the charge and the fight is on. Why are Flairs clothes always ripped off in fights? DWI attempt on Flair but the lights go red. And Abyss is back and is the 4th man. Theres a chain brought in from somewhere and the big beating is on. We take a break with Immortal standing tall.
Back with Abyss saying hes stronger now and all that jazz. Hes a monster dont you know.
Here are Hernandez and his Mexican team, in this case the guy that ran in last week and Sarita/Rosita. The guy is named El Anarchia. The stable is called Mexican America apparently. Theyre taking our jobs, our women and our money because theyre the superior race. Hernandez puts a Mexican flag over the American flag. That flag is huge. They call out Morgan who comes out with .he comes out with D-Von.
D-Von/Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez/Anarchia
This is a street fight. Theres the massive Mexican flag above the ring and a British flag in the stands. Holy international show! Moregan and Hernandez in the ring with a fallaway slam taking Hernandez down. The elbows in the corner set up a clothesline to send Supermex to the floor. Velvet Sky runs down because this isnt making enough sense already and she fights with the girls.
Angelina Love (damn that Jersey Shore chick so I now have to explain things) walks out very slowly but doesnt do anything. Winter comes out and screams ANGELINA. Isnt there like a MATCH going on right now? Angelina leaves and we go back to the mach. Anarchia hits D-Von with some object to end this at 3:40. I know thats long enough to grade but considering we saw maybe 90 seconds of the actual match and the rest was on the girls, no rating.
Scott Steiner/Crimson vs. Ink Inc
Glad to see Crimson actually getting some camera time. Neal looks like hes in boxers. Total squash to start with Neal getting destroyed by both guys. Moore comes in and gets beaten down also. He gets the first offense of the match for his team in the form of a moonsault press. Shannon goes to tag Jesse but Jesse is still hurt. Instead he jumps into the Red Alert to end it 3:05.
Neal shows respect post match but Moore takes the head gear of Steiner and wipes his ass with it and throws it at Steiner. Neal yells at him for it.
Video of the Anderson vs. RVD match at Victory Road.
Rob Van Dam vs. Mr. Anderson
This match is happening because Earl Hebner never got to declare a winner. So, in the last week, no one like, asked him who won? Basic stuff to start us off as Anderson gets a neckbreaker for two. Sting is the outside referee so they might as well stamp Screwy finish on this right now. Backbreaker gets two. Totally going through the motions here until we get to the ref bump.
And there it is as Anderson clotheslines the referee. Chinlock by Anderson as Sting comes in as referee now. Split legged moonsault gets two for RVD. Rolling Thunder is avoided so RVD dives to the floor to take out Anderson. Anderson fires a chair into the ring and Sting throws it out. Mic Check into the post and RVD is done. Anderson drills Sting and its a DQ at 6:43. Ok, so RVD is #1 contender! There is no way that there could be any other logical conclusion.
Big pull apart brawl post match and we take a break.
Back with interviews with everyone involved in the match. RVD doesn't remember the match and thinks he has a title match tonight with Sting out of all this. The interviewer corrects him and RVD is gone after the Mic Check into the post. So another head injury angle? Original guys, original.
Anderson wants to know why Sting is afraid of him.
Sting says he didn't ring the bell. Oh dear. Oh dear indeed. Anderson goes after Sting and they brawl again. After they're pulled apart Anderson wants to know who rang the bell.
Results
Mickie James b. Tara Jumping DDT
Okato b. DAngelo Dinero via DQ when Dinero hit Okato with rings on his hand
Hernandez/Anarchia b. D-Von/Matt Morgan Anarchia pinned D-Von after hitting him with brass knuckles
Scott Steiner/Crimson b. Ink Inc Red Alert to Moore
Rob Van Dam b. Mr. Anderson via DQ when Anderson hit the referee