This is the last step.
It's late. Time is irrelevant, now. I don't care anymore, not at this point. I, Drake Callahan, am ready to begin the journey that will consummate my ascension.
When I spoke to Hiraku, he helped me to understand that I was torn between two paths. But he was wrong, in the end. Or I was. I didn't understand immediately. But I get it now. I'm not caught in a path between light and dark; I'm caught in a path between me and them. A world where I please people, where I obey the rules and tenants put forth by those lesser than me is on one side. I have escaped it, but only in part. It began when I woke up from the alcohol. My mind unclouded, I could begin to understand the new world. A world where I make the rules. A world where I answer to no one. A world where what is, what was, and what will be exists simply because I want it to be so.
This is what Hiraku spoke of. I understand now.
I realize at last what it takes to have everything you ever wanted.
It takes a total submission to your own desire. A willingness to set aside everything else - morality, philosophy, reason, and logic. A sacrifice of everything that has ever meant anything, a commitment to hedonism, a total and unrelenting will to do nothing but achieve your own goals. To accept that your will is the only reality. To believe - to know - that what you want is not merely a goal. It is what must be. To truly have it all, you must embrace the belief that you don't merely deserve it - you will have it all, because it must be so.
You accept that you are a god.
That there is no right or wrong, there is no light or dark. To stand precariously between this knowledge and the way we're all told to think - that you deserve some things, that others deserve other things, that we're all part of a society of equals - is to fail. If you let yourself be tied down to the mortal coil of reasons, of justification, even of emotions - you can never achieve total success. Maybe some modicum of it. But not the real thing.
And so. After many months, after a hundred philosophies, after a dozen men and women all telling me what to believe and know, I understand at last.
I am the Alpha and the Omega; the First and the Last; the Beginning and the End.
I don't demand your worship, your submission, or your prayers. I only assert that my will is reality, and I shall make it so, because that is the will of the Universe. Because I have made it so.
And so. To embrace it is one thing. To act on another.
This is the last step. It ends here. What will follow is only the fallout.
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Stoya, Stoya, Stoya. Pretty Stoya. Cold and beautiful. Razor sharp and lovely. Like a million metaphors wrapped up in one. The ice rose, the sculpture of a thorn. It must get confusing. She was the start. I chose her because she was convenient; I chose her because I could. I chose her because she did not fit; she had no place in the narrative, but I put her in anyway. The one that does not fit; appropriate enough, under the circumstances.
It was late in the evening at an upscale hotel suite I had rented out for the last week. I'd lived her in isolation for the time, waiting and planning. Max had seen to it that Stacey would be here, as I'd asked. Stoya had gone to the more difficult task of seeing that Kate was here; she'd apparently promised her a job interview in the suite. A convenient excuse to bring her here.
She and I were in the suite together, her having a drink and I simply waiting. It was a few hours before everything was about to happen. And I needed to make one more move.
"Stoya," I said suddenly, drawing her attention. She raised an eyebrow in response.
"I have a business proposition for you."
"Oh? And what's that?" she asked with perhaps genuine interest.
"You and I are both quite alone. I suspect it's been a long time since you've been with someone."
Stoya laughed suddenly, deeply and throatily. She took another drink before responding.
"Are you really asking me to sleep with you?"
"I'm proposing we sleep with each other. Not as anything other than pleasure on both our parts. It's a simple business relationship, nothing more."
"I have never, in my life, had a man ask to sleep with me quite like this."
"And? Do you refuse?"
She shrugged. "No. It has been some time. I'm just got off guard. I thought you were hung up on that old girlfriend of yours. Assumed that was why I brought her here. Or maybe that Stacey girl. Not sure if you were planning a threesome, or..."
I laughed. "Not quite. That's unrelated. For now, I think we can help each other out."
She smiled coyly. She really was beautiful. She stood up and set her drink down, then walked over and sat down next to me.
"I suppose we can."
I took her. It meant nothing. She wanted it, too. The idea that it has to mean something is old and tired. I wanted her, and I had her. For the first time in my life, I didn't feel the need to justify it. It feels amazing. To stop caring about why I want what I want. It's enough to want it. Beautiful.
I had also put a quarter of a sleeping pill into her drink. Nothing that would affect her ability to think rationally, but it would make her tired after they were done. Enough to sleep for a few hours.
It was the start of a plan. She had made sure the others were in place beforehand. In another place, Kate waited. Kate, Katherine, Katie. What did she mean to me anymore? Nothing. I no longer wanted her; but I did want to prove something to her. Or to myself. I wanted to prove the fullness of my power. Not because I needed her to believe. Because I wanted to.
Stacey was the last piece of the equation. Her, I just wanted her to suffer. For my amusement, mostly. It wasn't easy to work her into this one. I could have just struck her, beat her, whatever. But I'm not crazy. Just because I've thrown off society's rules doesn't mean that people wouldn't come after me for breaking them. Or that I could defeat them. It doesn't make me less powerful. It just means that I have to work more subtly than that.
I had brought three women to a place. Each of them for a purpose. Kate because she was the old enemy, the last remnant of a broken conscious. Stacey because she was arrogant and had wronged me. Stoya because she went against the narrative.
The irony of it all was enough to make me laugh.
After my time with Stoya, I began to prepare. Kate had been instructed to be in this room at such a time, ostensibly for a job interview. Stacey had been asked here as well, on more realistic terms of interviewing me for the upcoming world championship match. They would be here soon. I waited for them, dressed as sharply as I've ever been. For the first time ever, I felt like I fit in the suit well. Because this time, I had chosen it, not the other way around.
A knock at the door announced one of them. They had been told the same time; I wasn't sure which would be here first. It didn't matter, ultimately. I opened the door.
Stacey was there. Her normal dress for an interview. Always a professional, even if she hated me. She'd been instructed to leave the cameras, and she'd done so. She greets me with an icy stare and walks in without a word further, pulling out a pad and paper on her way to the couch.
"Do you want to start?" she asked.
"No," I said back. My voice sounded different to me, though I didn't think anything had changed physically. It was a sense of distance between my thoughts and my voice I hadn't had before.
Stacey gave me a quizzical look, half confused, half frustrated.
"What does that mean? Did you just bring me here to waste my time?"
"No," I replied. "But we have a few more guests joining us shortly."
She shrugged, but looked tense. She was caught off guard. I liked that. It would make what was to come even better.
"I'm surprised you came at all," I said to her. Toying with her.
"You still have some degree of power," she said. "I've been dragged off to worse places than a penthouse suite, though."
I smirked. Bringing her to a posh suite and making pleasant conversation, after our past and the obvious strangeness of an interview in a hotel in a city far away from where we were meant to be this week, was deliberately unsettling. A small game to play while we waited for the main entertainment.
It isn't long before a knock comes again. This time, it was more timid, reserved, scared. I could barely restrain a smile of anticipation.
I opened the door. It was her, after all this time. The same woman I remembered loving. She was beautiful, still. I had thought that she wouldn't be - that whatever mysterious quality in her that I had been so attracted to would have disappeared, but she still was undeniably attractive. Maybe it was just old feelings, but I didn't think so. I reflected that at least I had had good taste. I remarked that it wouldn't be too late to have her back, if I wanted to; to call this all off, to take her out, to clear things up. To go back to the way things were. I could have that, but I didn't want it anymore. I wanted this. I wanted what was to come.
She smiled timidly, barely able to meet my eye. A sweet little broken smile. Did I feel a twinge of regret, then?
A god has no regret.
I didn't wait for her to speak. I kissed her, then, deeply and passionately. She was tense at first, but she relaxed into it soon. It was incredible that after all I'd done to her, she would so easily want me back. What had she gone through, in her head, I wondered? I couldn't imagine, not really. Maybe it had been like the five stages of grief, only she'd never gotten out of the denial. It was incredible, though - she still loved him.
I broke off after a few moments. She looked into my eyes, hers full of hope. She was trying to say something, but couldn't form the words. I just smiled back as she choked it out.
"I'm sorry," is what she was eventually able to muster.
"It's alright," I replied.
"I just...I'm sorry, I've been waiting for this for so long, and I don't know what to say..."
I continued waiting. It was cruelly entertaining to watch it unfold. She eventually took a deep breath and got it out.
"I know I should hate you, or be angry at you, but I understand why you did what you did, really, I do. You were under so much stress and I just kept pushing, and...I've been waiting so long just to tell you I'm sorry I did that to you."
She really was damaged. Even I could tell that. She should at least want him to apologize, but somehow she'd gone and idealized him. Removed my responsibility for my actions. Incredible.
I spoke to her at last.
"I want you to meet someone."
I led her inside, where Stacey immediately took note of her. She raised an eyebrow and stood up.
"Kate, I want you to meet Stacey Madison. She works for WZCW. Stacey, this is Kate. We've spoken about her in the past, I believe," I said.
Stacey's jaw dropped immediately as she feebly shook Kate's hand.
"Stacey, I brought you here because I wanted you to document Kate and I reconciling. I brought her here to apologize for what I did, and see if she would forgive me."
"I - I do, Drake," Kate said in earnest.
I beamed. Stacey was still in shock.
"Drake, I...I had no idea...this is...incredibly surprising, out of you. Are you really apologizing for your actions?" Stacey asked.
"Of course. I wanted to show you personally that I'm not as bad as you think I am. And maybe, if you'd be so kind, you could report the story. I want my personal life back, and I could do with some repair to my professional life as well."
Stacey gave him a harsh look, suspicion in her eyes. She couldn't believe it, and he didn't blame her. She shouldn't.
"Yes...I can...I don't really know what it is you want me to do," she said.
"Just document what is about to happen. We have one more guest."
"Drake, wait, I don't understand," Kate said. "I came here for a - a job interview. A woman said she'd meet me here...I'd forgotten in the shock of seeing you, but..."
I smiled back at her as I went to the door of my bedroom. I opened the door and went inside. There was Stoya, just getting up, wearing nothing but a sheet. I closed the door.
"Good morning," I said. She smiled a little.
"Is it already? I don't think so. I don't know why I slept so much..." She stretched her arms out.
"I didn't want to wake you, if you were that tired. I have a robe here..."
She nodded and I grabbed it, handing it to her. She stood up and put it on.
"If you don't mind, can I ask you to step out for a moment?"
"I'm not dressed."
"I know. I'm sorry. Just for a moment? There's something I want you to see."
She shrugged again as I opened the door. She stepped outside and gave a small gasp at seeing Kate and Stacey outside. She tried to retreat, but I shut the door behind her. She turned and glared at me as she clutched the robe about herself.
"Drake, what the hell," Stoya started, but I cut her off.
It was showtime.
"Ladies, I have assembled you here today for a very special presentation," I said grandly. This was beginning to get fun.
Three sets of eyes were turned on me. Stacey's were burning with suspicion, Kate's with confusion, and Stoya's were her usual piercing eyes. Exactly as I'd planned.
"Kate, you should be very pleased. This entire little show is all for you, sweetheart. It's been months since we've seen each other, and I brought you here to tell you - and show you - exactly what you mean to me."
I walked behind Stacey and put one hand on her shoulder. She very subtly tried to shirk away from me, but I held tight.
"Kate, I want you to meet Stoya Vidic, one of my agents."
Kate mouthed a hello, more out of instinct than anything. Stoya glared back.
"You may have inferred this from her present state of undress, but a few hours previously, she and I engaged in an act of, with my apologies, sexual intercourse. And it was quite enjoyable for both of us, if I may be so bold."
"Jesus, Drake, did we really just fuck so you could tell your ex about it?" Stoya said sharply.
I ignored her and instead walked toward Kate. Her eyes were turned on me, not understanding.
"Kate, I made love to this beautiful woman because I have long since stopped caring about you. You mean nothing to me any longer. I didn't bring you here to apologize. I brought you here so you could understand me very clearly. I did this so you would understand the circumstances. We are done. Frankly, you never meant anything to me."
I was in front of her now, she looking up at me with tears in her eyes, barely comprehending. I dropped my voice to a whisper, though everyone could still hear me.
"I fucked her, Kate, because I wanted her. And I'll do it again, and again, whenever and whoever I want. You and I are over. You see Stoya, over there? She's more beautiful than you, more intelligent than you, funnier than you. She is better than you in every imaginable way. That is who I belong with now, Kate. The elite. The beautiful. Not some unemployed, average nobody."
Kate's jaw was working slowly as she looked up at me , tears streaming from her eyes. I put my hand on her chin and leaned in a bit.
"And I want you to know something else, Kate. I look back and think about the night I hit you. I hit you right in the face, right about here -" I put my hand on her left eye. "I think about that, and I think about how much I enjoyed it. I enjoyed putting a useless, pathetic excuse for a woman in her place. I'm glad you were hurt. Because you don't deserve anything better."
She had started to shake her head back and forth while still working her jaw wordlessly, searching for something to say.
"It's over forever Kate, and I've moved on to something so much better. Now get out."
She finally found some found to work its way out of her mouth, but it was no more than a feeble whine, like a kicked puppy.
"Get. Out."
She raised a hand toward me. I firmly stepped back out of her reach.
"OUT!" I screamed at her, full of rage. It felt good to let it fill me.
She shuffled to the door like a zombie, halting and looking back as she went. I didn't meet her eye. Not out of shame, or remorse. Because I no longer had to, or wanted to.
I heard the door open, but not close. I turned to look. She had left, but hadn't closed the door behind her. I wasn't sure what was going to happen to her now, nor did I care very much. She was gone. I had proven my strength and my will. I desired to crush her, to completely eviscerate her soul. Because it pleased me to do so. And I had done it.
I went to the door and closed it, then turned back to the others. They both looked to be slightly in shock, processing the scene they'd just taken in. Stacey looked at me. She seemed remarkably composed. I had thought she would scream at me, rage, probably try to strike me. Instead, she just looked at me, cold.
"Why?" was all she said.
"Because I can," I replied. "I said I wanted to show you I wasn't as bad as you thought. I'm a million times worse, Stacey. Make sure to report that in your latest column."
She walked out of the room without another word, but I could tell I'd hurt her. Before, she'd simply been angry at me, outraged at what I could do to another fellow woman. But this...I'd shown her as pure an evil as I could imagine. I'd destroyed a person in front of her. Drained a soul of life. A person like Stacey, who cares so much about other women, a person who was so deeply wounded about mere physical abuse, would be incredibly wounded by witnessing this deep psychological abuse I'd inflicted.
Two for the price of one. Not bad.
I turned to Stoya, to see her reaction. She was staring at me levelly. Her reaction didn't mean much to me; she was more a pawn in this than anything.
"You're sick," she said eventually.
I shrugged.
"Fair."
She walked over to me. She smiled again, maybe the first genuine smile I'd seen her give.
"I think I like it."
That was a rather unexpected side effect. She leaned up to kiss me and then retreated to the bedroom, enticingly letting the robe slip a bit on her way. I knew I would join her before long, but I had something else I wanted to do first.
The night's work was behind me, and it had gone according to plan. Those I held within my power to command had been changed irreparably. I had proven my dominance over them. I had demonstrated my ascendancy as someone who can live beyond the bounds of others. But there was something else to prove my dominance over.
I walked to the bar and poured a drink. Months since I had had one. I had been an alcoholic before, sure, but why should I now? I could control this as well as I could control everything. Fully and utterly. I was in control of everything in my life.
I drank. I finished it. Then I had another. It was good, and I was a little drunk. But I was still myself. In control, and powerful.
I won again.
My dominance would soon extend to all areas of my life, including becoming world champion once again. I would see to that in time. It was only a matter of walking in and taking what I wanted. How long had I tried to justify that, to think about it, to scheme and figure out how to hold the title? It was so easy. I wanted it, and it would be mine. For no better reason than that. How beautiful.
I put the glass down and went to bed. Tonight, I would entertain myself.
Soon, I will be a champion.