Top 10 Worst Sidekicks

[Y 2 Jake]

10: Chas Kramer - Constantine (2005)

You would have thought the kick-ass pitch would be more than enough to lure the teenage legions, but, taking no chances, here’s dish of the day Shia LaBeouf, representing ‘the kids’ in the fight against Lucifer. LaBeouf attempts micro-badassery and wears a cheeky cap. Keanu negotiates around him like a bad smell. In the Hellblazer comics Chas lives on as a credible accomplice. Here, he floats off to sidekick heaven. Dying words? "It's not... like in... the books... huh?" Um... Not terribly, no.

9: Tutti Bomowski - Stop! or my mom will shoot (1992)


Did anybody really deserve this? Estelle Getty from The Golden Girls with Sylvester Stallone from Rambo. Also known as Stop! Or I’ll Ask For My Money Back, it is, perhaps, the worst buddy idea ever: you and your mum, fighting crime. The poster gives fair warning: “She did the laundry... Now she’s gonna clean the streets!” Nothing can prepare you for the comedy apocalypse. Stallone recently confessed this is his worst movie crime, which is going some. But he’s not wrong

8: Jar jar binks _ The Phantom Menace (1999)


And so to the inevitable. Lucas' Rastafarian frogbeast was such a hit with fans that they marched their own Phantom edit onto the net with the Jar Jar bits cut out. Which is funny, if pointless: everybody acts like he’s not there anyway. His purpose? He’s the classic candy-lure sidekick, a cosy, cosmic Barney The Dinosaur that offers toddler-level entry to the Star Wars universe. He should be boiled down into space-glue.

7: Jordan Tate - Under Siege (1992)


You're caught in the middle of a terrorist siege. You're ex-Services. You have a ponytail. Who to recruit in the rebellion? The guy with the biceps and firearms experience? Or Playboy’s Miss July 1989? Actually, a rolled-up magazine would be more use than Erika Eleniak’s contribution, oared in as ‘sidekick’ but really there to sate the hooter-craving teen lads. She flashes her mounds. She looks mildly jeopardised. Seagal avoids eye contact. Should have stayed in the cake.

6: Reno - Top Dog (1995)


What, exactly, is it with cops and dogs? Why not, say, cops and spiders? Or cops and pot plants? Limping up six years after K-9 and Turner & Hooch, here’s Chuck Norris’ take, in which a kickboxing cop (guess) teams up with a salon-puffed dog (Reno) to defeat a racist hate group (as you do). Reno attacking the Pope is magnificently tasteless, but it’s an intriguing pairing: every time they get too close they merge into one giant Chuck beard.

5: Ruby Rhod - The Fifth Element (1997)


In the script, ruby Rhod is a shrill, obnoxious intergalactic DJ. Which makes shrill, obnoxious Chris Tucker perfect casting. But, really, how much can you take? What he presents as light comic relief is like being bludgeoned to death by a mirrorball. He screeches on screen. The film screeches to a halt. Bruce Willis looks around like he’s walked into the wrong disco. Audience continually shouts, “SHUT UP!” to make him go away. Doesn’t work. Must be destroyed.

4: Batgirl - Batman & Robin (1997)


Though Chris O'Donnell’s boy scout scamp was aggravating? Check out the spectacularly grating Batgirl. Or, indeed, Valleygirl, because under all that menacing leather is Alicia Silverstone, who looks like she’s never lifted a teaspoon. Why Batman would need a BatBarbie is a Batbastard hard one but, thrillingly, she does get her own action figure by way of explanation. Unthrillingly, she also gets dialogue like, "Those targeting mirrors are frozen." And she’s called Barbara.

3: Theodore Rex - Theodore Rex (1995)


Welcome to the magical world where human beings live happily alongside dinosaurs... Actually, forget the welcome — it’s a tedious Land Of Stupid where Whoopi Goldberg exchanges unfunny jive talk with a man stuck inside a dinosaur suit. That wears trainers. And a baseball cap. Getting annoyed yet? Then you’ll be delighted to hear that their investigation into a "dinocide" brings Whoopi and the rubber-suited kind closer together. But, you know, not In That Way. Brrrrrr...

2: Devon Butler - Cop And A Half (1993)


Kids and homicide, together at last! Presumably Macaulay Culkin was off building his chocolate castle when they cast this, because instead we get eight year-old Norman D. Golden II (for it is he), a stage-school aggravation with a C+ in Ghetto Studies and a cute factor wedged on Puke. Meanwhile, Burt Reynolds is preoccupied by the precarious challenge of balancing the wig on his head. Directed by The Fonz. You are not hallucinating.

1: Gnorm - A Gnome Named Gnorm (1990)

A rare directorial outing for FX maestro Stan Winston — and if only he’d stayed in. Released four years after production, presumably for a bet, this troubling 'quest-for-a-magic-crystal' movie teams a private eye (Anthony Michael Hall) with an alien gnome (a puppet). It’s hard to say who’s worse — Gnorm, who looks like something out of Pipkins with its face turned inside-out, or Hall, whose clean looks have faded into something like a bad waxwork of Gordon Strachan. Just horrid.

While I'll agree that most of these are terrible sidekicks. Most appear in awful films. So somebody like Ruby Rhod should be top of the pile as he nearly derails what is a pretty good film. Batgirl or now, Batman & Robin is a pile of shit. The same can be said for most of them. Also with a lot of them the film doesn't exist without the sidekick. Cop & A Half is just Cop without the kid and so on.

 

[IrishCanadian25]

At least Silverstone was a hottie. O'Donnell in Batman was doomed from the start. And when he did the "Holy frozen manhole covers" line or whatever, people in my theatre started throwing shit at the screen. Welcome to Jersey.

Let me say - I HATED BOTH of Harrison Ford's sidekicks in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom." The kid from the Goonies and that blonde. She was the most annoying ever, and wasn't even attractive. I'd rather see Cher in Moonstruck, and that's just a different type of bile. I have researched a few lists where she was in the top 10 most annoying...

...but Jar Jar Binks is the all-time #1.

 

[jmt225]

Personally, I thought Alicia Silverstone was the only thing worth staring at in that piece of shit. I have no clue why she's on this list. And IC, I have to disagree about O'Donnell being Robin. I think if they went with a more serious tone, he would've done a lot better with the role, but the writing was just atrocious and no one could've been a good Robin. Both Leonardo DiCaprio and Christian Bale were up for the role, and their careers would've been ruined just like O'Donnell’s was and we'd be sitting here talking about how big of a joke both those actors were, when we know now that couldn't be further from the truth.

Anyway, most of those films I've never seen. Outside of Batman & Robin, Constantine and The Fifth Element are the only one's I've seen, and I thought they were both terrible and that the "Sidekick" wasn't the main factor why those films were trash.

As far as worst Sidekicks on my list, Sandra Bullock in Demolition Man was really bad (and I really like that movie). But I think Randy from No Holds Barred would rank #1 on my list. You know he's horrible if I'm a kid and a Hulk Hogan fan and I'm happy to see the douche get his ass beat down. The dude who played him was a terrible actor. I actually just now looked him up on wikipedia and he seems to be doing quite well for himself, but still… he couldn’t have been worse in that movie.