This Week In Wrestling With Jake, Sam & This Week's Guest(Mostly NorCal)

[Y 2 Jake]

Jake, Sam & Master_Awesome14 bring you:

This Week In Wrestling

Each week, or there abouts, we'll bring you a comprehensive review off all the major stories, worth talking about, in wrestling that week. News and reviews from TNA, WWE, Ring Of Honor and any other global wrestling promotion.

19/4/2010 - 25/04/2010

Monday 19th April 2009 - Rob Van Dam Wins TNA World Heavyweight Championship:​

After months and months of hype, ''The Pope'' D'angelo Dinero err, lost at Lockdown. And with absolutely no hype at all Rob Van Dam defeated A.J. Styles for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship the very next night on iMPACT!

TNA did an absolutely fabulous job of making the whole thing seem important, which asks the question, why not do it on PPV? Simples, as the annoying, past his sell-by-date meerkat would say, TNA were trying to take advantage of the WWE Raw crew being stranded. Short sighted in the long run, TNA did a better rating than they do normally, but were still beaten by Raw.

Several questions: What was the point?, Why Rob Van Dam? Why would you buy a TNA PPV when all the ''good'' stuff is on TV?, Wouldn't Jeff Hardy, Abyss or The Pope have been better choices considering they've pushed two of them more in recent months and the other is more popular? Will TNA really promote a match between Jeff Hardy vs. Rob Van Dam & A.J. Styles? And do they really think it won't be the biggest mess ever?

Thursday 22nd & Friday 23rd April 2009 - WWE Release Several Wrestling Talents:​

WWE did their annual spring clean and got rid of several superfluous wrestling talents. Apparently some people don't deem Shelton Benjamin & Mickie James to be superfluous, I do.

Mickie James is a women, women have a limited shelf life in wrestling and hers was up. She also was, but Michelle McCool standards, a fat ass. And she looked like Bob Holly, but only I see this.

Shelton Benjamin was ''the best pure athlete in WWE'', so was Billy Gunn, and he was shit too.

Several other superstars were released, Mike Knox (Great beard), Katie Lea Burchill (''Hackjaw'' Jim Duggan), Funaki (Lasted longer than Taka Michinoku, amazingly), Slam Master J (Still hoping he's going to be part of Legacy) & Jimmy Wang Yang (Racist redneck gimmick potential unfulfilled).

 

[Uncle Sam]

As many of you may know, I recently gave up on watching TNA. I do, however, still occasionally look at the pictures they post on the website and listen, well, read what irritatingly obnoxious people have to say on the topic. And no, I don't mean just you. Additionally, I remember how shit TNA was when I used to watch it. That qualifies me to comment on Hogan-era TNA, I feel.

Now, there's just one question that comes into my head when I see this picture:

Did nobody see the bags and bags of confetti in the rafters - fortunately co-ordinated to match RVD's fetching leotard - and catch on to TNA's plan? I mean, I'm not quite sure how modern confetti-releasing systems work, but I'd suppose some sort of sacks or nets that wouldn't necessarily obscure their contents.

RVD as champion? As per usual, I'm indifferent. It's not as desperate as, say, 2004 TNA was, but it's in that sort of area. The Pope was fairly over, wasn't he? And he was oh so wonderfully wacky, with his black people speak. Missed opportunity. Missed opportunity.

AJ's tan was beginning to get on my tits anyway. Glad he's not champion any more. And Jeff Hardy's started to pile on the pounds. Either that, or WWE did a better job at covering up that ever growing gut he's sporting lately. Bloody junkies, eh?

Speaking of the WWE and drug addicts, Shelton Benjamin was released. What? I'm pretty sure Shelton Benjamin's a drug addict. What about that rumour that went round that he snorted cocaine by the pound? I mean, they generally measure drugs using the metric system these days, but it seemed pretty likely. I watched certain parts of the internet cry themselves into a day, but I honestly didn't see what role he was fulfilling. John Morrison is more over, can do as many flips and is just slightly more natural on the mic, even if his promos are what you'd get if you handed a microphone to a tranquilised antelope.

Mickie James was pretty much the only female on the roster whose names I could even remember - so I'm sad to see her go for that reason. Now I'm down to "that butch one" and Vickie Guerrero.

Mike Knox was celebrated for how shit he was. So celebrated, in fact, that I sometimes forget that he and Gene Snitsky are different people. No, seriously. Thought they were the same person for a while.

 

[Master_Awesome14]

Well Jake I really liked RVD winning the TNA WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP.AJ Styles had the title for about 8 months.I really thought The Pope was going to have the gold on his waist after Lockdown.

 

[gd]

How'd I miss this thread? It's quite good.

The RVD thing was pretty exciting when it happened, especially with them playing his music for 10 minutes straight afterward. Really gets it stuck in your head. However, when you realize that AJ's been champ for the better part of 6 months and they just gave away the title change on free TV, you begin to realize how stupid it really is. Vintage TNA.

The WWE wrestlers were some of the most uneventful in recent memory. The first thing I though when I heard about them was that I could bump Jake's "Mickie James Released" thread, but I never got around to it. O well. Shelton deserved to get fired awhile ago. I'm talking like 3 years ago. Hopefully Darren Young will be able to fill to void of shitty black guy on the roster now.

 

[Master_Awesome14]

Not really upset about releases except for Mickie James.
Mike Knox-Didnt use him much last match was tagteam with Dolph Ziggler vs Yang/SMJ
Shelton Benjamin-Very talented needed push but just has no starpower.
SMJ-Could of been in Legacy with real name.
Jimmy Wang Yang-Fair in the ring,Hill Billy is funny but all he did was team with SMJ
Katie Lea Burchill-Dont really care

 

[Uncle Sam]

It's been about a week, hasn't it? Why not? I was never much of a subscriber to quantum physics. I'm sure my colleagues will be along in a timely manner.

My summary for TNA this week: utter dogshit. Did I see it? No, but I dare you to tell me I'm wrong.

The draft was interesting. And by interesting, I mean not interesting.

Kofi Kingston going to SmackDown initially excited me. Then I remembered that his matches were of the "could/should be better variety." A lacklustre bout with, for fuck's sake, someone - oh, it was Jericho; he beat Jericho, I remembered! - didn't do all that much to convince me. Boom Boom Boom? More like Meh Meh Meh. Oh yeah.

Edge turned heel again. I think. The crowd didn't seem to give a solitary fuck. That's probably Christian's fault though. Fucking Christian. He's always got to ruin everything, hasn't he?

Jericho went to Raw. Yeah, OK. Christian went to SmackDown. Well, I covered that one already. Kelly Kelly climbed off The Undertaker's withered dick long enough to do something. Wait, no - that was Michelle McCool. Like I give a fuck; they'd be more entertaining if they sucked dick live on TV than, y'know, wrestled. They belong in Chat Roullette, not the WWE.

Other things occurred, as they often do.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy The Big Show punching everyone on Friday night. It's not a bad punch, what can I say? For some reason, I didn't see him punching Jack Swagger. I guess I'm just slow. Entertaining, even if the resulting match will be anything but.

We-elll, he's a bit slow! etc. etc.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

Monday 26th & Tuesday 27th April 2009 - The WWE Draft​

Smackdown​

Kofi Kingston - I like Kofi, he's my token black guy. Obviously he'll never be as over as he was in December 2009, but he's still worth pushing. He's bland yet entertaining.

Kelly Kelly - Only recently have I started to become attracted to her.

Christian - I don't understand why he's so popular. The guy looks like shit, and yeah he had some good matches last year, but he's not had a great match in nearly 10.

Big Show - I don't see what difference it makes.

MVP - Last time he was on Smackdown he was good, but he's the most abysmal face in wrestling so who gives a shit?

Hornswoggle - Cunt doesn't bother me.

Cody Rhodes - On another forum I post on Cody is widely regarded as being good. Good because he does what exactly? Nothing that makes him stand out over anybody else.

Rosa Mendes - She moved, right? Big nose.

Chavo Guerrero - I'm actually on two forums, not including this one, in which Chavo is considered worth watching. It must be that Avatar thing again, surely it's I who's wrong.

Chris Masters - His peck dance entertains me.

Raw​

Chris Jericho - Glad he's moved, boring as fuck.

Edge - Glad he's moved, this dude is boring.

John Morrison - Good luck on that brand, man, that dude is boring.

The Hart Dynasty & Natalya - Considered good on one forum I'm on, the one with the ''Smarks'' forum(!).

R-Truth - I suppose he can get some heat for John Morrison matches. ''But John Morrison is massively popular!'', yeah on that pre-taped Smackdown, cunt. Why is nobody moving yet there's so much cheering?

The Great Khali - I'll miss him.

Goldust - They're really teasing us with that Cody feud.

Ezekiel Jackson - The black guy quota on Smackdown was already full.

Wednesday 28th April 2009 - TNA Release Tara​

She was never hot, which asks the question: Why did she ever have a job in wrestling?

 

[Mighty NorCal]

Ill be honest, I have absolutely zero recollection of what happened on Impact last week. Oh yes, Ric Flair bled, A LOT but beyond that, yea I dont remember. Impact only stays inside my brain for about 10 hours at the most at any time, really.

Orton should have gone to SD, but beyond that, I was happy with the draft. Happy they will be able to do racist angles with Ted Dibiase and R-Truth. Happy that Morrison will finally be fully buried. Maybe he will go away now.

Kofi Kingston got the biggest break of anyone. He has possible ME potential, and I would assume that is were he is headed on that roster. Glad to see Chrisitian go to a show were this is no exucse for him not to be showcased, so all his wildly delusional fans might be able to figure it out. He isnt the man to carry a brand. Never has been, never will be. Fine mid card worker, and that is it. I will never understand how people love him so much or cant figure this out.

Kelly Kelly has never looked anything but utterly average to me. Great tits, sure. That is literally all though, ive seen girls who easily look as good as her at the beach. Shit, ive fucked girls who looked better than her. I dont understand were people get this stuff from.

A shame Jericho had to leave to. I suppose a tag team with the Miz is a better spot than WHC contention on the B show? We shall see.

 

[Uncle Sam]

In Sam's latest thrilling, increasingly consistent instalment: Evan Bourne, AJ Styles, SmackDown's newfound mediocrity, Rob Van Dam, the whole F'N show, Vickie Guerrero and a special look at my meatloaf.

So, I'm not quite sure what qualifies as a week any more. I'm even less sure of what shows I'm meant to be 'reviewing' - if we can call my badly worded rambles reviews. Anyway, I've seen fragments of four different wrestling shows this week. That's enough to piece something together.

Right, so, Raw. I saw Randy Orton RKO Meatloaf, and then Vickie Guerrero was instated as General Manager. I still like Orton, even if - as Jake asserts - he's yet to have a great match. Someone finally got my point about putting some fucking effort into signs. Everyone saw that great "The Viper" one, right? I applaud that man.

Nice to see Vickie Guerrero no longer being sullied by the business of women wrestlers - "Women? Wrestling? You must be mistaken, sir!" - and doing something worthwhile again. The crowd still wants to kick her legs off too, or something equally brutal.

It's also good to see the guest hosts not having 'any real power' any more. It just means less fumbling around names and more plugging whatever shit they have coming out. And, let's be frank, if they're not former wrestlers, they're just plain irritating. That rapper they had on this week (I want to say Flava... Massive Cunt? That's a rapper sort of name, yeah?) would have been very grating, I'm sure, if I hadn't fast forwarded through him.

Jericho and Miz had separate matches with, um, bear with me... DH Smith and Tyson Kidd? Check me out, I'm like a Raw guest host. Did I pay attention while watching either match? No, but at least it keeps them off drugs.

Missed most of the rest of the show as I prematurely deleted it from my hard drive. Who was Edge's partner? What did Batista do to Mark Henry? Sodomise him? I'd imagine so. I'm sure it'll all be explicitly revealed on Raw tomorrow night, during the hour and a half they conventionally spend recapping shit that I saw last week.

I watched parts of two SmackDowns. Neither left much of an impression on me; to the extent that I can barely remember them. I was going to slam them but, as I saw neither in their entirety, I think that'd be a bit harsh. The last thing I saw was Jack Swagger overseeing box carrying for a three minute segment, complete with a "widen to reveal" moment. Tell me that's not scintillating television.

I was angered by how, concerning the Intercontinental title, the rich white men are still keeping the athletic black men down. More like Vincent KKK McMahon, am I right? A prospective Drew/Kofi feud provides both with the opportunity for me to decide if either really are worth a shit.

And I think I saw part of TNA's Impact. RVD was facing Desmond Wolfe for the title. A great back and forth match in which RVD did nothing but a Frog Splash to win it. That sentence doesn't add up somehow. Then some shit about Hogan and Sting and Jarrett. Then a poorly edited video. Seems like TNA, alright.

 

[Mighty NorCal]

In
Missed most of the rest of the show as I prematurely deleted it from my hard drive. Who was Edge's partner? What did Batista do to Mark Henry? Sodomise him? I'd imagine so. I'm sure it'll all be explicitly revealed on Raw tomorrow night, during the hour and a half they conventionally spend recapping shit that I saw last week.

AND CLEARLY people like YOU are the reason we have to suffer through that. Realy read the paragraph you just wrote.

I thoroughly enjoyed the development of Orton, although the Vickie GM thing was killed off far earlier than it should have been. Mark Henry saves Cena for no reason, only to be left to be killed by Batista. Racism. Decent episode.

TNA was its usual disjontled self this week. At the beginning of every impact, I try to guess the most shit way they possibly could end the episode, and I was 100% on the money this week. Abyss goes to jail for a few hours, nope now he is out. various reasons that many things with the whole angle made zero sense, but meh. As is usual, TNA has a fantastic wrestling match mashed in among all the shit. Hardly any Ric Flair this week, massively disappointing.

I have only seen bits and peices of SD, but im gonna go ahead and nominate Swagger's segment for promo fo the year. One of the funniest things I have seen on wrestling in a very long time. I really like the Kofi-Drew angle, but in usual WWE fashion, the match is set up a mere 8 or so days before the payoff.

 

[gd]

Missed most of the rest of the show as I prematurely deleted it from my hard drive. Who was Edge's partner?

Dibiase, therefore, the ensuing match which exponetially less interesting than if they would've had a better surprise partner. Like Samoa Joe.

What did Batista do to Mark Henry? Sodomise him?

More or less. Yet another example of Vince keeping athletic black men down. However, he made up for it by allowing Henry to look good with a chair shot on Buzz Aldrin. Just delightful.

I'd imagine so. I'm sure it'll all be explicitly revealed on Raw tomorrow night, during the hour and a half they conventionally spend recapping shit that I saw last week.

O ya, Vickie is gone as GM as well. So all that stuff you wrote about the guest hosts not having any power was basically worthless. Why is she gone you ask? Randy Orton stared at her in an extremely creeping manner until she resigned. I'm not kidding.

I was angered by how, concerning the Intercontinental title, the rich white men are still keeping the athletic black men down. More like Vincent KKK McMahon, am I right? A prospective Drew/Kofi feud provides both with the opportunity for me to decide if either really are worth a shit.

Kofi/Drew feud is going to be dreadful. There's going to be about 14 people in the world who actually will care about it. Needs more Matt Hardy.

And I think I saw part of TNA's Impact. RVD was facing Desmond Wolfe for the title. A great back and forth match in which RVD did nothing but a Frog Splash to win it.

That was actually last week. This week they did a rape angle with Abyss and Wolfe's valet Chelsea. Once again, not kidding. The most emotional moment came when the police forced Abyss to take off his mask. I was on the verge of tears.

Then some shit about Hogan and Sting and Jarrett. Then a poorly edited video. Seems like TNA, alright.

Yes, the video package was quite disappointing. There was also other stuff, like Hall and Nash winning the tag titles from Morgan. And a Tomko v. Orlando Jordan match. You can only imagine how riveting it was.

Daniel Bryan was also kicked off NXT this week, and rightfully so. Fucker couldn't win a match. However he said something about Bryan Danielson in a an interview, so he'll probably be back doing some shit in ROH any minute now.

 

[Uncle Sam]

A rape angle? I thought TNA were getting their shit together, and yet here they are making Abyss into a Kane clone again.

I am, of course, joking. TNA were never getting their shit together. Well, it was actually pretty good in the month preceding Hogan jumping aboard. Shame about that.

I just realised that the latest SmackDown is still on my hard drive. Finally, the box-carrying has come to its exciting conclusion. Way to go, Champ. Pound it.

 

[Uncle Sam]

I really enjoyed the Swagger segment actually. Who'd have thought that he could top the box-carrying segment from earlier in the night? Furthermore, they were stacking the boxes incorrectly. I'm beginning to doubt their status as professional box carriers.

You wouldn't know Swagger was so nervous if he wasn't drenched in sweat by the end of that segment. I dunno, maybe it's just a condition. I wonder if that was all of Swagger's real shit that Big Show broke. Look at me, suspending my disbelief. I'm so proud of myself. That last trophy popped apart just right.

It's a shame that that's probably the best promo Swagger's ever gonna cut, really. Prove me wrong, Jack. Prove me wrong.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

Did nobody see the bags and bags of confetti in the rafters

I meant to mention this weeks ago, but I've been busy trying to get Master's ban lifted. But they don't have their confetti in the rafters, no this is TNA, they have cannons. I remember from when I watched No Surrender on DVD, the extra features showed Styles in the ring post title win. Borash was by the side of the confetti cannon saying how he was getting covered in confetti. Obviously it's cheaper to just put a net worth of confetti in the rafters,but TNA never does anything the easy way.

This week: TNA had a PPV which I'm sure wasn't as entertaining as Jack Swagger asking Big Show not to break his stuff. Christian vs. Kofi was good considering it's the same match Christian has been having for years and Kofi does entertainig spots, waits, then does another one. Which I like.

Daniel Bryan, sly dog, he's been working us all along. Great promo.

I think at Sacrifice RVD beat AJ Styles. I hear it wasn't as awful as I thought it would be. But I'll just wait for TNA to promote it on iMPACT!, I'll probably get to see a title change as well.

Mr. Kennedy has turned face, so he must've been a heel before then? I've heard nothing but good things about him in TNA so far, so I shoulda predicted TNA would turn him. I actually heard he was getting real heat, not that rubbish heat that everybody in TNA gets, but like the actual passionate stuff. The stuff you used to see before TNA and their fans were a parody.

Nobody died this week, I'm sad to report.

 

[Mantaur Rodeo Clown]

I'll be filling in for Master Awesome14 this week as Jake and Sam so graciously let me into their clique and allowed me to help with the recap.

RAW this week was good for what it was. And from what I recollect, what it was consisted of some rapper coming out with R-Truth and saying peraps in the most comical turn in sometime "Oh man, they just broke mah mans back out there". I agree Master Flav, that Backstabber does look rather deadly. Especially since Carlito hasn't used it in 7 months, having not used it in a finish to a match in about that long. Comes with the constant losing I suppose. The Colons continued up the ramp and collected what was presumably some money for odd jobs in and around the mansion.

*Insert Gardening Jokes which Americans seem to be so fond of*

Was it just my convict satelleite feed or was the camera really shakey during that promo from Daniel Bryan/Bryan Danielson/Soniel Brydan? At first I thought it was because he was going through some sort of transformation, and he would soon proclaim that by the power of Greyskull, Bryan Danielson was here to win! But no, it was just terrible camera work. Apparently this means that we're down to serious business, but I was just more concerned that Heath Slater, that dirty piece of solidified bilge that frequents my television screen, still has a job and gets to put his dirty fingernails all over talented people like Wade Barrett.

Smackdown was enjoyable, with the whole Christian/Kofi thing. Especially when McIntyre came out in his Tony Montanna suit and decided to take the gold back. Kofi took far too long to give the title back though. I get the whole suspense thing of "is he going to 360 kick Teddy Long?" but there is a limit. Trust me, if theres anyone who wants to see that man get interrupted in the midst of a "playa" by a Metatarsal bone from West Africa, it's me.

Didn't watch Impact. I'm sure that whatever stretch of television time that briefly flirted with coherence or linearity in terms of storyline in TNA was more due to sheer luck of matching up two wrestlers and not touching a fucking thing rather than any measure of rudimentary logic or lucidity.

 

[Master_Awesome14]

NXT PREVIEW:Well another rookie will get eliminated.Will WWE pull a curveball?
My prediction is that Darren Young or David Otunga will be eliminated.
Darren Young could possibly join SES so why have him on NXT.
Otunga I believe has the worst record.

 

[Coco]

So, I guess I have some rambling here regarding last week's wrestling. Along with comments about weeks gone by and last night that you need to hear. K then.

-I've said for ages that the Colons have no future as singles wrestlers but make a decent tag team and Calito's attitude can give the team some sizzle. Evidently, WWE gave me their long awaiting reunion on an episode of Superstars I didn't watch. Then on Raw, they were used as day laborers to advance the feud between Ted DiBiase and R-Truth. T'was borderline.

-Edge is a heel now. He's feuding with WWE's newest red-hot face, Randy Orton. Why? Obviously because putting Orton against a sure-fire heel in Jericho was too simple when compared with the possibility of Orton's heat being risked by any residual face heat of Edge's. WWE decided to use this instance to put effort into their product. The result? Two weak promos by Edge where several (nonsense) explanations for Edge's recent actions were touched on but never followed through with. Vintage TNA. Vickie Guerrero then came back to Raw for one night to reaffirm that Edge can't get heat on his own. Then Undertkaer got called back for one night from his day job selling real estate to solidify Edge's heel status. The result? A weak feud with an ultra-stale Edge who's still not going to be able to hold up his end of the deal like Jericho would. Is it worth risking the heat of one of he most over faces WWE's had in recent years? That is for you to decide. I'm sure everyone else is loving this. You know, because Edge is great.

-Wow, I'm really bitter about Edge.

-Drew McIntyre is seemingly in the fast lane to the main event after finding himself in an angle that's getting replayed on the A-show. Imagine that? Kofi Kingston and Christian did all the leg-work for him last week, resulting in another decent TV match for Christain, who only wins his decent TV matches when he's on ECW. I still think he's a better midcard prospect than Kofi, who has inferior promo skills and can get pretty sloppy. And the debate rages on.

-WrestleMania's buyrate came back soft recently, despite a better card and superior build. UFC 111 was the night before. Just saying.

-Evan Bourne is in an angle with Gail Kim which sees what I believe to be the PG equivalent of an implied sexual relationship. This comes weeks after Bourne looks like a star in a tag match on Superstars (w/ Yoshi vs. Ryder and Carlito). Bourne continues to be one of the best kept secrets in the WWE, but he'll never be booked as such. Some on here would say rightfully so, as guys who do flips regularly obviously have weaker merits as performers than wrestlers with any other kind of signature moveset.

-iMPACT last week saw a triple threat match between Jeff Hardy, Rob Van Dam, and AJ Styles. It was both pointless and sloppy. Nice to them to expose some of their top wrestlers just days before a pay per view. Even I didn't want to see RVD headline a pay per view after this, and I might be his biggest fan on this board. All in all, vintage TNA.

-The Motor City Machineguns are the number one contenders to the Tag Team Championships once again, a shot they earned on a night that saw Ink Inc. take on The Band for the belts. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to think about that.

-I liked four of the original eight NXT rookies. Three of those four were eliminated last week. At least that's one less thing that I need to wear my DVR out on. If a DVR can be worn out.

-Jack Swagger finally came into his own as a promo man on SmackDown last week. He should cut that promo once a week for the rest of his life, because he'll never top it.

 

[Uncle Sam]

-Evan Bourne is in an angle with Gail Kim which sees what I believe to be the PG equivalent of an implied sexual relationship.

If Evan Bourne in bed is anything like Evan Bourne in the ring, he'll end up breaking his neck while fucking Gail Kim one of these days.

Anyway, what happened in wrestling this week? Ah, Over The Limit. Here's my in-depth review of Over The Limit:

£16 on Sky Box Office? Yeah, right. They can fuck right off with that one.

Now, what did I watch? SmackDown. I say I watched it, I fast-forwarded through (more than) half of it. The DVR is a dangerous tool indeed. The list of things I refuse to watch:

• Women wrestling
• That cunt from Cryme Tyme that can't wear trousers properly and dances like a bellend
• MVP
• Tag team matches
• Christian/Hornswaggle segments

Not to mention the Big Show/Drew McIntyre main event got cut off because the cricket overran. I was looking forward to that! So yeah, pretty much the only thing I did see was Kofi/Swagger. It was enjoyable, I guess. Prompted me to make that token black guy thread.

Raw. Raw, Raw, Raw. Batista quit in a promo that would've much better if he hadn't stumbled over John Lena's name. Judging from the one match I've seen from it, his recent series of matches with Cena have been very good. Quit while you're ahead, I suppose.

Sheamus beat Mark Henry in a match that I remember more fondly than I perhaps should. Maybe it's the man crush I've been developing for that Irish bastard lately.

The only other thing I remember is the main event, where Jericho and Edge were so fucking sloppy it's like they'd coated themselves in grease. Bloody terrible. And people like these *****.

In TNA, things happened. Lo and behold, it was shit. Might go see TNA live in the UK though. Are they ever gonna give us a pay-per-view? Though, knowing TNA, I'm more likely to see a title change at a house show.

 

[gd]

Over the Limit was underwhelming, at least from what I've heard. To be fair, there's probably no way Cena and Batista could've ever matched their WM performance, which I'd say would be a 10/10. Damn fine stuff. Putting Swagger in a match with Big Show appears to be a quite questionable decision as well.

In fact, CM Punk was probably the only good thing on the PPV. I'll miss his hair a great deal. Hopefully his purity and whatnot don't go with it. The feud looks like it's going to continue, so I'm betting on a clusterfuck of a fatal fourway next month between Swagger, Show, Punk and Rey. Or not. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Bret Hart being chosen as GM over Abe Washington was pretty painful for me. They need to get that fucker back on TV, pronto.

Batista quitting was quite anticlimactic considering I've been hearing about it for months now. Fuck you, internet. The main event was also quite bad. We did get Da Truth as US Champ though. I'd reckon him and Kofi have risen as high as they're ever going to.

Danielson beating the fuck out of Michael Cole was simply fantastic. Some people are saying Cole is a good heel. I still believe he's just a fucking cunt. He should just go Don West and become ridiculously crazy so he'll actually be somewhat enjoyable.

Speaking of Don West, him eating his penis probably would've been better than what happened on TNA this week, with Abyss carrying off Chelsea to do what he pleased with her body. To be honest though, I'd probably watch a sex tape between the two.

O ya, Sting has a title match coming up as well. Wtf? It'll make no sense for him to win, which means his definetly winning.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Over the Limit was underwhelming, at least from what I've heard. To be fair, there's probably no way Cena and Batista could've ever matched their WM performance, which I'd say would be a 10/10.

I'll have to get the blu-ray.

In fact, CM Punk was probably the only good thing on the PPV. I'll miss his hair a great deal. Hopefully his purity and whatnot don't go with it.

I'd tell you what happens next but apparently even mods don't have the common sense to dodge spoilers when they're marked like so:

Spoiler

What? You were expecting me to put a spoiler in the device designed for concealing spoilers? Are you mental!?

Bret Hart being chosen as GM over Abe Washington was pretty painful for me. They need to get that fucker back on TV, pronto.

I'm afraid I missed the Abe Washington hype train. Well, I missed anything at all to do with Abe Washington. I'm sure he's tremendous though. Black, is he?

Batista quitting was quite anticlimactic considering I've been hearing about it for months now. Fuck you, internet.

Would've been anticlimactic anyway. Batista's worst promo in a while. I blame the shit that just won't flush that is Bret Hart.

The main event was also quite bad. We did get Da Truth as US Champ though. I'd reckon him and Kofi have risen as high as they're ever going to.

If they're not even good enough to beat The Pope to the title of Sam's Token Black Guy™ then I'd think so too.

Danielson beating the fuck out of Michael Cole was simply fantastic. Some people are saying Cole is a good heel. I still believe he's just a fucking cunt.

Ever hear that radio segment where a guy called in and said Cole was shit or something? Cole went fucking mental, and did the same 'condescending ********' thing he does to Bryan. That isn't Cole in character, that's Cole out of character.

Speaking of Don West, him eating his penis probably would've been better than what happened on TNA this week, with Abyss carrying off Chelsea to do what he pleased with her body. To be honest though, I'd probably watch a sex tape between the two.

I'd only watch it if Hogan was in the background, yelling encouraging slogans.

O ya, Sting has a title match coming up as well. Wtf? It'll make no sense for him to win, which means his definetly winning.

Oh, that Sting. What a tremendous wrestler he is, eh?

 

[gd]

I'll have to get the blu-ray.

Really, I think Cena/Batista may have been better than Taker/HBK. Am I crazy?

I'd tell you what happens next but apparently even mods don't have the common sense to dodge spoilers when they're marked like so:

Spoiler

What? You were expecting me to put a spoiler in the device designed for concealing spoilers? Are you mental!?

It was tough holding off talking about CM Punk turned into the GIMP for three days. Not that it's happened, I can't talk enough about it. CM Punk is wearing a mask now! Awesome. If he really wants to be creepy, he should do the Rey Mysterio thing during his entrance.

I'm afraid I missed the Abe Washington hype train. Well, I missed anything at all to do with Abe Washington. I'm sure he's tremendous though. Black, is he?

Yes, black indeed. I guess there's no affirmative action when it comes to the Raw GM spot. Really though, the guy was entertaining. Anytime you can make a segment between Shelton and Zach Ryder work, you're doing something right.

Would've been anticlimactic anyway. Batista's worst promo in a while. I blame the shit that just won't flush that is Bret Hart.

Really, what was the appeal of Bret coming back? People were going nuts when it first happens. Nowadays, Jon Lovitz gets more of a reaction.

If they're not even good enough to beat The Pope to the title of Sam's Token Black Guy™ then I'd think so too.

That'd be a bigger deal for Pope if there were more than 5 guys to choose from.

Ever hear that radio segment where a guy called in and said Cole was shit or something? Cole went fucking mental, and did the same 'condescending ********' thing he does to Bryan. That isn't Cole in character, that's Cole out of character.

Good to know, never wanted to like the guy. Anyone with a facial hair like that is obviously an asshole.

I'd only watch it if Hogan was in the background, yelling encouraging slogans.

"Something, something, something, brother." That'd be just swell.

Oh, that Sting. What a tremendous wrestler he is, eh?

If he just wrestled all his matches in the rafters I think he'd be more successful.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Ten days, huh? Well, that's nearly a week. The happenings in this week's approximate week of this week in wrestling were most interesting. Not least because there were two RAWs. That was a bit odd.

The first RAW, erm, I think that was notable because Evan Bourne was in the main event and pinned Sheamus. I like Evan Bourne. If he were black, I'd gladly make him my token black guy. Unfortunately, he isn't, so I won't. What with me finally giving up on watching TNA some months ago, I can squint and pretend he's a slightly smaller AJ Styles. If he wore a suit it'd probably fit - so he's better than AJ in some ways.

Then, as is traditional between RAWs, there was a SmackDown. That meant two things - Jack Swagger and CM Punk. Except they mixed things up this week by throwing in Kane. Getting a push, they say. I saw people talking about how he "deserved it" and had "paid his dues" that I let out a "Pffffft" so long that the neighbours thought someone had lit a dynamite fuse.

Mental note: I like Disarray's idea about CM Punk rubbing his head on those of small children a la Mysterio if that was what he was suggesting. Either way, I'm stealing it and pretending it was my own.

And Mysterio won the battle royale. On second thought, tell me about that Kane push again?

Wade Barrett won NXT. I think that happened "this week". If only one of the numerous black men who were competing for it had one it. Like, um, the one that looks like John Cena if he got a really deep tan. The one Punk mentored. I liked him. No, not really. It still pains me that there's never been a British WWE champion - probably - shit as British wrestlers are. Perhaps Mr. Barrett can remedy the situation. Otherwise, I'm going to start counting Sheamus as British. I'll do it, too.

Then there was another RAW with the guy from District 9 and Rampage Jackson. Painful segments. I'd still be interested in Rampage as a wrestler. Call it morbid curiosity. He could be a dark horse - excuse the pun - for Sam's Token Black Guy™.

And then there was a Punk/Cena main event, interrupted by the two good wrestlers from NXT and their friends. I enjoyed it, sure. Couldn't believe how emotionally affected I was when they started attacking Punk. He was trying to save his good friend John Cena, I don't care what anyone says.

 

[Mighty NorCal]

First week of September, 2010

Do I have a format for the dates? Not particularly, no. RAW was fucking awfull. there was one, count it ONE, legit wrestling match. A shittily(made up word) booked match at that. On the A show of WWE. One match. All the rest of the program was bullshitting, 30 second matches, cock tease booking, and a bunch of other annoying shit. I hate RAW so very, very much.

NXT had its finale. Kaval won, I guess. I didnt watch it. Good pick for the winner though, Alex Riley didnt need it, he will be a star regardless. By star I mean a guy who gets about 3 weeks in development, and then does nothing, like 90% of the WWE roster of guys just like him.

I didnt really watch Impact, for various reasons. One, college football, two, I figured it would be shit, three there was nothing to indicate I had made the wrong decision. More of Madison Rayne and titty ninja. Give a shit. Tag match with the four guys in the tournament? Give a shit. Abyss all over my tv? Kill myself. Not even a funny Flair promo this week, TNA, I am truly saddened by this. So wait, that suspension thing last week was serious? I thought Flair said if I leave then fortune leaves? I have no fucking idea, TNA is so cryptic.

SD was its usual fine, dependable self. Not nearly as good as I have become accustomed to, and is clearly only treading water until October, but still. Good wrestling match between Hardy and Cody Rhodes, with a fine promo preceeding it. Decent development in the unraveling of the SES, while building up Big Show. I hate Alberto Del Rio, but not in the way I am supposed to hate him. Nothing special, but decet development and wrestling, which is a fuck ton more than any other show this week can say.

Show of the week: SD

Worst Show of the week: RAW

 

[Uncle Sam]

Reet then, like. Wrestling, eh? Mental.

Raw was OK this week. If it hadn't been the 900th episode - or if they hadn't much such a song and dance about it - people would have just shrugged at its mediocrity and waited to see if it picked up next week. The highlight was those little clips they kept showing. You know, the ones you can easily find on YouTube.

Barrett had an impressive week, if not for running into the ring and getting immediately beaten up. He won out when people starting teleporting around though, so fine by me. It makes me sad that he's probably the best British wrestler in the world. I lie, it doesn't. They're usually much, much more shit.

Daniel Bryan, I like him. He was in a disappointing triple threat tag match - the likes of which I'd wholly expect TNA to book.

CM Punk cut a good promo. People acted surprised. No idea why.

Related to that, Kaval won NXT. I like Kaval, or should that be Low Ki? Or should that be Senshi? Does kicks and shit. Jumps on people. Cool tights. Not Evan Bourne cool, but, y'know, close. Also, there was that chap that pauses and repeats himself a lot. McGillicutty and his Sega Genesis or something.

Alberto Del Rio was on two shows this week, doubling the shittiness. He's about as good as JBL (read: shit) as Christian thankfully pointed out. He's probably worse, in fact, as he'd be an awful commentator. Christian - slightly better than JBL since 2000.

On the other side of things, Kane and Undertaker continue their horrible promos. I get the same feeling watching them that I do whenever CSI's on: Jesus Christ, I hope nobody walks in on me watching this.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

I heard Punk's promo on Monday was really good so I made the effort to find it on YouTube. It was good, nothing special. I've seen genuinely good Punk promos, so all this got off me was a ''so what'' shrug off me.

Looks like the SES are finished. Bit pointless really. Nobody has benefited from the group. Surely the aim must've been to elevate somebody, anybody. I guess Luke Gallows is in a marginally better position today than he was this time last year. But he was off TV this time last year, so....

Kaval won NXT and I heard the subsequent brawl was one of the worst thing in wrestling in a long time. Almost certainly I won't bother to hunt this angle out.

I agree with Sam about the Kane/Undertaker promos. Embarrassing to the extreme of Jericho in 2000. ''Neeeevveeerrrr, eeeevvvvvvveeeerrrrr, be the same aaaagggggggaaaIIIIIINNNNN!'' Indeed Jericho. Hopefully you lose at Night Of Champions and are never seen in WWE again. Or at the very least reinvent your character again.