The Past Biting You In The Ass

[Xemmy]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/17/arnold-schwarzenegger-fathered_n_862867.html

"Former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has acknowledged that he fathered a child with a member of his household staff, a revelation that apparently prompted wife Maria Shriver to leave the couple's home before they announced their separation last week. Schwarzenegger and Shriver jointly announced May 9 that they were splitting up after 25 years of marriage. Yet, Shriver moved out of the family's Brentwood mansion earlier in the year after Schwarzenegger acknowledged the child is his, The Los Angeles Times reported Tuesday."

Most of us have already heard about this, but it got me thinking.

We've all made decisions we've regretted. There's no escaping the harsh reality that the past comes back to haunt you. But should something that happened a very long time ago be allowed to tear your present life apart?

The Austrian Death Machine made a mistake more than a decade ago, never telling anyone until recently. Once this secret was revealed, it destroyed what was supposedly a happy marriage. Sure there were probably other problems too, that no one is willing to admit, but just for the sake of argument- Let's say their marriage was perfect. Is it justice? Yeah. He cheated, and he's paying for it. But while this was a major betrayal of trust, it happened so long ago that it really has no effect on their lives other than knowledge, and maybe some child support.

Would you separate from someone for a mistake they made more than a decade ago?

Would it make a difference to you whether it happened yesterday or somewhere long in the past?

 

[Cena's Little Helper]

Would you separate from someone for a mistake they made more than a decade ago?

It depends on whether or not they've admitted to and made up for their mistake. This looks to be something that Schwarzenegger failed to take responsibility for until just now. I'm sure no one will care about this five years down the line, but right now I think he deserves everything he has coming to him.

While I'm not going to judge Schwarzenegger personally (we've all made mistakes) there are definitely some people that have every right to (i.e., his wife, his children with his wife, and the man who helped to raise his illegitimate son...personally I think this last one I mentioned is entitled to whoop Schwarzenegger's old ass without any possibility of an assault charge).

Would it make a difference to you whether it happened yesterday or somewhere long in the past?

I think my first response answers this question as well. There's no statute of limitations on owning up to a mistake you've made. Time doesn't heal those wounds which have yet to fully grow. Whether or not you should be forgiven depends on two things: whether or not you've taken responsibility for your mistake and whether or not you've accepted a punishment commensurate with its severity. Schwarzenegger will get taken to the cleaners by Shriver; as long as the man I mentioned before is given the opportunity to pummel Schwarzenegger's ass, then there's absolutely no reason why the Governator shouldn't be considered absolved in the eyes of the public.

 

[Calderownz]

Would you separate from someone for a mistake they made more than a decade ago?

I assume it depends upon the mistake being made. However, I don't see a connection between that person and the mistake unless it manifests itself in ways that still matter.

If the person killed someone, for example, I'd have some thinking to do. It'd depend on why they killed that person. It'd depend on whom they killed and how long ago it was. But, in a sense, most important would be how they relate to myself, others and their loved ones NOW.

If that person was a decent person just trying to be a human being like everyone else, I'd probably forgive them. It wouldn't make much of a difference in how I relate to them. If they never admit to the crime/mistake, I wouldn't hold it against them, depending on the person they killed.

This concept would apply to most mistakes that one could make.

Would it make a difference to you whether it happened yesterday or somewhere long in the past?[/QUOTE]

Yes. Tremendously. If the person did it 50 years ago, they are a much different person. For that matter, a person could do something I would consider to be a good thing a long time ago. It might not reflect the person they are in present day. Contrarily, if the person did something horrendous or even just flat out wrong a long time ago, it might not reflect the person they are now.

Whereas, if it happened yesterday, it has a better chance of properly mirroring who they are as a person at this current point. So, you'd have to take a closer look at the person they are now, which would obviously take a bit more time. But, this should be done with all the people you associate with, regardless of any of the mistakes they have made or the mistakes that you know of.

 

[Dagger Dias]

It would take something HUGE for me to ever separate from someone. I do not believe in separation if the relationship is serious enough. People made mistakes. We all do. It would take something like being cheated on and lied to about it, then I'd separate when the truth is found out. That's really the only thing I would ever separate over, although things like lying about sexual pasts (even before we met) is a quick way to make an enemy out of me because that's something you don't lie about to someone important. Decade old mistakes are exactly that, mistakes that are in the past where they belong. If it happened yesterday then I might separate if it's something far severe enough such as being cheated on and lied to, but other than that I still wouldn't because I really don't believe in separation ever unless it's a case of infidelity.

 

[Sinister Shadows]

It really depends on what it was in the past. This was a pretty big lie that resulted in him having a kid with someone else, and then covering it up for years. How many times do you think he thought about this exact topic before it was brought to light that he done it? this to me seems like something that will come back to haunt someone everytime, pretty much no matter how much time has passed.

 

[ABMorales787]

Given that The Governator was seemingly trying to have a secret life, I'd say those are grounds to take serious action. He's hiding a huge aspect of his life from his wife. You're supposed to know your spouse and everything about his or her life. Cheating is one thing. Having a child and not knowing it is another. Having the child with a person who works closely to the family and also supporting said child while keeping it all a secret? The hell is this? A movie plot? I wouldn't be thrilled to find out I was played either. Arnold had it coming. Past mistakes like that will have it's consequences grow more and more over time. And it just showed there. The older the secret, the more impact it will hold.

It would be a much different case if you reveal the issue yourself and early. Maybe not immediately, but a confession alone shows you admit your mistake and you didn't hold on to the idea of lying for long. Bill Clinton cheated on Hillary and it was discovered rather quickly. They are still together today. Why? Because it was addressed before it spiraled out of control. I can't speak for Arnold, but the longer he kept it, the harder it got, and the bigger the consequence.

 

[LSN80]

Would you separate from someone for a mistake they made more than a decade ago?

Here's the thing with what Schwarzeneggar did though. It wasn't that he made a mistake 12 years ago or so, it was that he continued to hide that mistake, in essence, compounding it. The longer you've believed one thing to be true about someone, and find out different, the more difficult it is to get over. So this "mistake" was being made every day for over ten years now on a daily basis until he was outed, betraying Schriver's trust every day during that time span.

The thing is this: Ive been with my wife long enough that if she told me she screwed around on me four years ago, Id be devastated, and for multiple reasons. Id be devastated that it happened, but Id also be devastated that she felt she couldn't come to me. The saying "time heals all wounds" is a tremendous fallacy and a dangerous trap to fall into here, because it becomes a fresher, larger wound the longer the betrayal of trust is held for. The reality of the situation is that if the secret was held for a number of years, she was betraying my trust each and every day she kept it from me.

That being said, it would all depend on the intent. If my wife DID come to me saying she made a mistake, yes, I would be incredibly hurt. Yes, I would feel betrayed. But if her intent was to resolve the issue and make things right, Id work it out with her. I take the "Til Death To Us Part" aspect of my vows seriously, and as long as she wanted to make things right, and was willing to take steps to do so, I would certainly give her the opportunity to make things right.

Would it make a difference to you whether it happened yesterday or somewhere long in the past?

Sure. To find out someone has been covering up and living a lie on top of a betrayal would be far more difficult for me to cope with. Im not saying one would be easier then the other, and in the end, the result would be the same. As I said erarlier, if she was willing to make things work, was truly contrite, and I saw effort on her part to restore the relationship, it wouldn't make a difference in terms of our relationship. How it affected my feelings, sure, it would be different. But how I would respond to her would be the same either way. It would depend on her.