Tastycles Reviews of Royal Rumbles

[Tastycles]

Tastycles reviews Royal Rumble 1988

So, every year I watch the entire Royal Rumble history, and I thought as KB would be doing this year, I'd do it concurrently, you know to get the British side of things. I don't like exhaustively writing up details of the matches, so if you haven't seen them, then this might be a little weird. I rate the matches, segments and give an additional bonus for things like production quality, brief interviews and commentary. I then use my immense mathematical abilities to weight each segment by time and then give the PPV a score out of 100. For the purposes of making it fair, the Rumble's score will be more heavily weighted because it is the focal point of the show. Can't follow? Look at the bold score at the end.

Ricky Steamboat vs Rick Rude

This match was by no means a fast paced opener, with there being a copious amount of armholds for much of the early stages. There were a few flashes of life from Steamboat, but other than that it was slow. However, Steamboat showed, like he always does, that he is a sublime worker. The whole match was conducted at a pace that is realistic and believable and made Rude look good.

The match had a very bizarre spot where Steamboat ended up going out of the ring, which looked like a bit of a botch, but then it picked up going into and coming out of what I assume was a commercial break. Rude is a master of getting heat from the audience, and this was no different, he was a taunt master. I'm trying to be as fair as I can here, and this match was really quite good for that era. The crowd were into it, and Steamboat is one of the best at putting on a true babyface performance. It maybe could have been either faster, especially during the pinning sequence at the end, but it was most definitely a solid match up.

The referee bit may have been cheesy, but it was good for cheap heat, and the crowd loved the overturn. I give this 7.3 out of 10

Dino Bravo weightlifting segment

This could have been a reasonably good promo idea, if he started at quite a high weight, but as it happened Bravo started at 415, and the record was 705. I appreciate that he genuinely needed to warm up, if it was real weights, but why they couldn't have done this as a backstage segment, faked the whole thing, or let Bravo warm up off screen is beyond me. Instead we got this, which was overlong and uninteresting. Mene Gene and particularly Jesse Ventura made it more watchable, but it was still very poor. Dino Bravo and his manager are not very charismatic, particularly when they are talking French.

This segment lasts for over 15 minutes, and I'm not sure they ever did anything with the payoff, so it seems to me that it was a massive waste of time 1.2 out of 10

The Glamour Girls vs The Jumping Bomb Angels

Christ, remember when the women used to look like The Glamour Girls? This match looks like The Cleaners vs The Prostitues. I actually find the jumping bomb angels very entertaining, and they were certainly better looking than their opponents here. They could actually work, as could The Glamour Girls. This match kind of epitomises the choice a wrestling booker has, looks or skills? These have skills, but they aren't easy on the eyes.

Anyway, the match was ferocious, and it probably should have opened. I don't know when 2 out of 3 falls matches for tag teams ended, but it is a shame that they did because it really did give the division something interesting. There were a lot of botches in this match, loads, but it was so action packed that it didn't really matter. I'd also like to add, that the fact nobody remembers this match is indicative of what TNA should do with the knockout's tag titles. It was high octane from start to finish, and the actual finisher was one of the most high risk ones you'll ever see in that period and I give it 7.8 out of 10.

Hogan vs Andre segments

It began with the way recaps should. Briefly shows what happened without treating you like a moron. The set up to this angle was brilliant. It galvanised Hogan as a hero, made DiBiase look more manipulative than ever and made Andre look like he didn't give a shit about the fans even more. I imagine contract signings weren't as tired then as they are now, but even so this was well done. I think it's probably Okerlund's presence that does it. He helps the whole thing flow, without it being clumsy.

Hogan did what he does best when he comes in, and Andre looked strong and unfased. I'm not sure if this sort of thing is scripted or if they were doing it themselves, but Hogan, Andre, DiBiase and even Virgil had perfect body languange here. DiBiase is probably the best heel mic worker of all time, and he was in his element here, bouncing off both Hogan and Andre. Seeing a genuine table in such a segment seems archaic, but refreshing.

All in all, this is about as good as a contract signing gets, but it was still a contract signing that lasted over 15 minutes, so it gets 8.1 out of 10


Royal Rumble

So here's the actual rumble. If you're ever bored and in need of a drinking game, watch one of these old Rumbles and guess if the next person out will be alive or dead. If your wrong, it's a shot.

Anyway, we get underway, and we start with solid workers du jour Bret Hart and Santana, they do a good job until Butch Reed, and Neidhart come out and make it quite shit. The weird thing about this rumble is that the heels go for the heels and the faces go for the faces, which makes for very strange television. It meant that it was pretty standard fare for a battle royal, and it certainly doesn't have the star power.

They keep everyone in for too long. Santana, the second to be eliminated, gets thrown out a third of the way into the match. It means that there are no big elimination spots because everyone is just punching each other in the corner because the camera can't keep up. The thing where Volkoff appears, number 12 by the way at which point only 3 have been eliminated, was bizarre. I don't know if it was a genuine mistake, but it looked crap.

When Duggan appears, the crowd are loving it, and apart from Jake Roberts, he was probably the most over in the match. Speaking of Jake Roberts, the crowd go apeshit for the DDT throughout the match. By the time Junk Yard Dog gets to the ring as the last entrant, half the participants are still in it. Fortunately, One Man Gang goes apeshit and eliminates loads of people, including the Ultimate Warrior, in one of the most lacklustre Royal Rumble exits ever.

By the time we're down to three, you know exactly what is going to happen, and it does. I think the problem with this Rumble is that it is too much like a standard battle royal. I think the exits were very sloppy in the main, and there were too many people in the ring too often. I'm going to give this rumble 6.1 out of 10

The Islanders vs The Young Stallions

When somebody says "main event material", I don't think these four instantly spring to mind. That being said, it was a solid match. The Islanders were a pair of beasts, and the Stallions had quite good chemistry. The match started at a million miles an hour, but then it lost momentum. Eventually there was a long respite while the Stallions were outside the ring, which ended up being a count out, which was a cheap ending for the first fall.

The match quality suffered a little because they aired the DiBiase and Andre promo half way through the match, and also because the commentators are basically not paying attention. The Andre and Hogan segment should have been the main event, as it trivialised this match anyway.

The second fall was much slower paced than the first, and was the classic tag thing of waiting for the hot tag. It was alright, and the spot going into the hot tag was well worked, but the momentum was quickly stopped, and then we see a rare 2-0 win for The Islanders. It wasn't a squash, but it wasn't a contest the way a main event should be, so this gets 6.7 out of 10

Production and extras

The commentary team featured Jesse Ventura, so naturally it was very good, but the fact that their mics were turned down meant they were often drowned out by the crowd, particularly at the start. Vince made the outcome of the first match a little predictable. They didn't discuss the backstory to the women's title match, which was the only match that had a proper angle leading up to it. As ever, Gene Okerlund gave a top drawer performer, helping the nonwrestling segments hugely. There were 2 unecessary recaps of what happened in the contract signing towards the end, but these were followed by short but good Hogan and DiBiase interviews, although Andre showed why he isn't remembered for his promos. They repeated it again towards the end. Because Ventura is such a hero, this is going to get a better score than perhaps it deserves, but I give it 7.3 out of 10

Overview

Something that seemed odd, was that none of the matches outside the women's tag matches had any kind of build up. I think it was strange that the Hogan and Andre segment was half way through. It was clearly the biggest deal on the card, and probably should have been the main event, as it would have been a cliffhanger going into the bigger show on February 5. The way it ended was bizarre, with McMahon and Ventura discussing the weight lift that never was and Hogan. The thing with this event was that you get the impression that apart from Hogan and Andre, and the women's tag match there was no continuity to this event. There was no reason wh anything that happened did, and nothing was built on top of it. A very strange one, probably because it didn't really have a true position in WWE's spectrum, and because it didn't have the star power that it could have done. 12 workers that appeared at WrestleMania IV weren't there, which would suggest that one of the touring groups might have been missing, notably the Intercontinental and Tag Team champs.

Anyway, the weighted score for this event is 64 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 1989

So, apparently, I've got my own thread. Thanks to whoever did that, I wanted to do that, but wasn't sure if it was one PPV per thread etc. Anyway, 1989, which I apparently missed in the title before this edit.

The Hart Foundation and Jim Duggan vs Dino Bravo and The Fabulous Rougeaus

I think the Rougeaus are really underrated in wrestling history. They were a great tag team, and the popularity of Jim Duggan is definitely overlooked these days. The heel team had two managers, which was strange. I know Jimmy Hart was taking over from Frenchy Martin, but it looks awkward, and Frenchy .

The Rougeaus' finisher is a great tag team finisher, and it is the way the first fall goes, which is good. Then Bret Hart gets nailed for ages, and he is probably the most entertaining at that ever, but it does drag on, there must be about 5 minutes of it, which ridiculous. Then Duggan gets the hot tag and the referee promptly forgets whose meant to be in there and starts counting for the wrong people, after all six men get in the ring.

Then they repeat the same beatdown and wait for hot tag they just did on Hart on Duggan. All six are, or were, decent workers, but there is little dynamicism in this match. It's very formulaic, and while it was a good opener, it began to lose momentum towards the end, which came from nowhere. Most of this is nit picking, and I'll give the match a solid 7.3 out of 10

Super Posedown

Rick Rude is out first and shows single handedly that ravishing in the 80s isn't the same as ravisihing now, he looks like a mechanic. The most ridiculous wrestler in history had begun his big push at this point, and the crowd love him.

Heenan shows himself at his best here, he lets Rude talk first, but it is him that riles the crowd. Then we get into the poses. There is little suprise that one of these men is dead now, as this is a masterclass in steroid overuse.

This was a setup for WrestleMania, and it was an original concept, but they could have had a bit more talking, and maybe only had two poses. It started to get very repetetive towards the end, Rude gets booed, Warrior gets cheered, we get it. It seemed like a really long build, for what was in essence a beatdown. Rude's tights were excellent and Warrior went apeshit, though, which gives it an extra couple of points and the event gets 6.4 out of 10

Rockin' Robin vs Judy Martin

Sherri says "I'm more of a woman than both of you". Not much of an acheivement there, Shez. Judy Martin looks like the women you see smoking outside hospitals, but she's a pretty good worker. Rockin' Robin is also very good, but she's wearing a most unflattering outfit. This match didn't really have an x-factor of excitement to it, but it was solid, and amazingly, not very sloppy at all.

The ending was well worked, and erect nips wedgie merchant Rockin' Robin gets the win in this solid, but unassuming match which gets 7.0 out of 10

King Haku vs Harley Race

By this stage in his career, Race was quite slow and Haku was a savage, so this match wasn't very fast paced. Heenan turns out a good performance, but the crowd don't really like either guy. Race is sluggish, and Haku no sells what little offence he does offer. Race does nothing, then he hits a piledriver, from nowhere, and then they return to being slow and no selling each other. Monsoon says that a hush has fallen across the arena, and I don't think that is suprising.

This match has a few good spots, but it is mostly just Race moving really slowly and Haku no-selling. The piledriver outside the ring should have put him down for longer than two seconds, hard head or not. It's not terrible, but it's as if two trainers are going through a decent match really slowly so their students catch it all, and then the ending comes from nowhere and they play Jerry Lawler's music. The complete lack of speed in this match gives it 5.2 out of 10

Royal Rumble

The first thing to notice about this match is that they had started to realise how to book the match in an interesting way. Putting Demolition in together is a brilliant idea, and it had never been done before. Its a cliche to have tag teams go at it, but this is were that cliche was born. The way they instantly teamed up again afterwards was clever. They also had heels going after heels and faces go after faces, which was a good start after the previous year's efforts.

The start of the match is well booked, because everyone goes after Andre, and he eliminates all of them, but it must be remembered that he is shit and no sells everything, and can barely move, which does not make for a wrestling masterclass. I suppose sluggish is the word to describe the first ten minutes or so.

They haven't got the glamour elimination sorted out very well either. People just kind of fall out of the ring, and there is rarely a decisive move that does it to them. Michaels skins the cat early on and Perfect rolls in through the ropes, but otherwise, if people go close to going over the top rope, they're out which removes some of the tension.

The manner by which Andre was eliminated was well planned and it opened the match up, taking out the slowest person that had previously been the match's focal point. Almost instantly, the pace picks up and we get a range of different things happening in the ring. However, there is often too many people in the ring. In later years, a build up in the ring is generally then followed by a big star kicking some booty, but here, they just let it build and build, losing the odd guy here and there, which eventually makes the match stutter a bit, because there are to many guys in there doing different things.

When Savage came in, he should have thrown a few out, Valentine, Santana and the Bushwhacker, for example, would have been great to just give the match a bit of a kickstart. Instead, he's in there two minuted before eliminating Valentine, which we miss because we're looking at Arn Anderson.

Then there's a really illogical spot. I imagine they do it too quickly but it looks shit, Jannetty crotches Anderson, then does nothing, then he tried to get him out, then Blanchard arrives, rendering the spot and Blanchard's save shit.

Eventually, business does pick up when Hogan comes in, but still only eliminates one before being held on the top rope. The best thing about Hogan's entrance is the build up to WrestleMania V. The seeds of heel turn are sown as Savage does nothing to help Hogan, even though Hogan helps him. Soon after this, it dies again though, until Hogan finally starts eliminating guys, including The legendary Wrarlord elimination.

Then the Mega Powers, if not explode, begin to smoulder in the ring, as Hogan had acidentally eliminated Savage. Elizabeth turns up to chill Savage out, which he does, but then, Bossman comes out, and Hogan starts getting nailed. Then Akeem, the best bad gimmick ever makes it two on one. Hogan is suprisingly eliminated, but then cheats to get Bossman out, which isn't on, is it?

Meanwhile, the two in the ring are Beefcake and Akeem, who are a good duo to have left because it makes a huge difference who comes out next, which in this case is the Red Rooster.

Then we get a load of power guys, which makes for a dull finale. The focus is Studd and Akeem, who are dullard central. Then it is basically big man waiting game until Ted DiBiase comes in, who does get the match to pick up again.

Indeed, at this stage the eliminations are shown as a focal point, with everyone given a good showing. The match wouldhave been better if they had done that throughout. The way Akeem goes out is ******ed, but then we see vintage DiBiase. He's in his element, squirming. It's a really powerful victory for Studd, and quite unlike any other in terms of its dominance in later years.

This Royal Rumble was much better than the one the year before, but it suffered from two long periods were nothing happened. It was better paced than the one before it, and it offered a big starting point for the future, but it wasn't a classic, and the lacklustre eliminations hurt it, but it was solid enough, and the Mega Powers really helped it, so it gets 7.0 out of 10

Production and extras

Many of the problems I spoke about the 1988 one have been eliminated here. You can hear the commentators, but I'll be honest and say Marella isn't really my cup of tea. He says the same thing in every single match, but we'll et it slide, as he brings out the best in Ventura, who was excellent throughout.

The production values were much higher, but the show inexplicable began with listing the people not the matches that would occur, and it sounded like it was being read of a piece of paper by a seven year old. Very bizarre.

There is a segment where people draw their numbers. It's quite good, but it doesn't really make any sense to the actual draw. Bad News Brown, who we later see has 13, claims he's got a great number, but the Honky Tonk Man makes out he has the worst number in the world and has 11. It's ok, but it just looks quite amateur.

Sherri is added to the commentary team in the women's match, and really adds to the commentary, but don't worry, Gorilla Monsoon is there to drag it back down "1,2,3 is one, two, three in any language. It's un, deux, trois in French". Brilliant.

As per the norm, this event was interviewtastic. We see a lengthy one with D'Angelo DeNiro and then we go through a series of ones with managers. Jimmy Hart was good, Elizabeth was average, and Mr Fuji was wank. So to be expected. Then we get Ventura introducing the King Match, four four different speaking segments in a row, which is a bit of overkill, in my opinion.

Later we have the bluescreen promo, staple of the 1980s and early 90s. Good ones will either gain a point, awful ones lose a point. Beefcake +0.1, Valentine 0.0, Powers of Pain -0.1 each, Big John Studd 0.0, Mr Perfect +0.1, Macho Man +0.1. Then interviews with Mene Gene, with the same scoring method - Ted DiBiase +0.1, the Heenan family (+0.1 each for the Brain Busters, -0.1 for Andre), Hulk Hogan +0.1 so this segment gains 0.4 for this portion of the scores.

After 25 people have entered the ring, Gorilla Monsoon gave away four of the remaining five participants, which kind of kills the suprise, and is a big no-no. After the match, we have an interview with Randy Savage when he says "a man in my position can't afford to look ridiculous" err... Randall, erm don't know how to tell you this. But it is a fantastic promo from Savage, with him planting the seeds of doubt in the minds of Mega Powers fans.

This production was good, by the day's standards, and the presence of Ventura is always going to boost it. There were some good promos, particularly from Savage, and the overall qualiy of broadcast was state of the art and far more informative than just a year previously. This gets 7.9 out of 10

Overview

This was a decent PPV, but nothing incredible. The rumble itself took a big step forward from the year before, but they still didn't know what they were doing. There was no story behind Studd's win, and I don't think they'd really figured out where they were going with the concept. The match itself had flashes of brilliance, but did occaisionally veer into old school battle royal mentality. There was a solid undercard, but it wasn't as good as some of the matches they had on there the year before. The King match was a particular let down. That being said, there was a marked improvement, so

I give this PPV 69 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 1990

Another year, another Rumble. Here we go with the first year when someone who made a difference won it.

The Bushwhackers vs The Fabulous Rougeaus

Apparently, The Bushwhackers were a good team in the 60s. I've even seen video evidence to corroborate this. The problem is that this PPV occurred in 1990, which was several years after the 1960s. The Rougeaus are an understated team, but the problem here is that for most of the early periods, it is all about the Bushwhackers, which is shit, unless you like people running into each other and a pair of tools walking around.

Eventually, The Rougeaus begin to rescue it, but nobody takes any bumps at all, or gets put in a hold. The Bushwhackers obviously have a style, which would suit hardcore wrestling probably, but in essence, this is boring. Even when The Rougeaus start to dominate, and we finally see an abdominal stretch and a few wrestling moves, which is nice.

I suppose that it kind of tells the story of the match to do that, but in all honesty, it just looks really shit. The Rougeaus oversell everyhting that gets thrown at them. There's no doubting that The Bushwhackers have charisma, but that is really the only positive thing I can say about them. Well, that and the fact they won. This opening match got the crowd going, so I will look on it a bit more favourably, but really this match isn't worth any more than 4.8 out of 10

The Genius vs Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake

The Genius is my favourite wrestler of all time, bar none, so I had high expectations of this match. If there's ever been a better timewaster than Genius, I've never seen them. It's really subtle things that get the crowd to hate him before they even lock up. In addition, nothing riles up the wrestling audience better than effeminate behaviour. After their pose off, the match gets underway.

It would appear that Brutus Beefcake is wearing a thong beneath his tights, FYI. After a lot of taunting, the match begins to pick up, with Genius getting some moves in, then Beefcake bettering him. However, the fundamental flaw in The Genius gimmick is that he is intelligent. He knows when he is losing, so he leaves the ring, which hurts the pace of the match a little.

There's the arbitrary referee takeout, which is to be expected. The thing about this match is that it is pretty much a masterclass in taunting, as in, an appropriate amount, and at the right time. Brutus gets to do his hair cutting, until Perfect makes the save and they nail Beefcake with a chair. It turns into a melee, and is ruled a Double DQ, but there doesn't appear to be a reason for that, unless Barber's scissors count as a weapon. A weird outcome.

The thing about this match is that it was obviously more an elaborate set up for the haircut segment, and the match itself never really gets off the ground. It would be a superb opening ten minutes to a longer match, but as it is, it seems incomplete, so, with a heavy heart I can only give it 5.6 out of 10.

Ronnie Garvin vs Greg Valentine (submission match)

Ugh. Submission matches are hit and miss at the best of times, and this one was between two slow as fuck guys. What makes it worse, is that both men have blockers on their ankles, which somehow prevent pain from a figure four, meaning that this match is going ot go deep.

These two have a slugfest punchout, which is quite boring, then they keep going for pinfalls, which is ******ed. Once is bad enough. Valentine eventually starts to get going, but Garvin takes about a week to set up any move, except for rollups. The guy just doesn't get the message, does he?

Eventually, they move into some good mat wrestling, but Garvin is still going for rollups. He's intelligent enough to wear a protective pad on his leg, but not to understand that he can't win a submission match with a pinfall. Garvin's ring awareness does stop this match ever looking that good though, best emphasised when he started running towards the turnbuckle after Valentine had moved.

Still, there's no denying that the match picked up, and Jimmy Hart taking off the heartbreaker ensured an interesting ending to the match. Which was further heightened when Garvin took Valentine's Hammer Jammer off. It was a good ending to the match, even if it did include another roll up.

All in all, it ended up being alright, but the slow start, Garvin taking a week to get a move in and the continuous rollups means that I can't give it anymore than 7.1 out of 10.

Brother Love Show with Sensational Sherri and Sapphire

How does Brother Love get his skin that colour. Is it actually that colour? Answers on a postcard. Either way, he looks a tit. However, he is very good at interviewing, and that shows here.

Forget the divas, Sherri is better on the mic than most of today's men, pure class. They heelishly interview Sapphire, who, to put it politely, doesn't meet the criteria of smart, sexy and... I don't even know what the last one is, but she isn't it, whatever it is. Brother Love does an excellent job of getting heat by not letting her talk.

Sherri has excellent chemsitry with Love, and Sapphire plays the gooseberry well, building up to the crescendo of a slap. Then Sapphire and Dusty and Savage and Sherri have a little brawl, then Dusty nails Love, to an excellent reaction. Sapphires crap slap at the end does lessen the quality, but this was an excellent, excellent segment to build up the mixed tag match at WrestleMania. Almost brilliant, but Sapphire's second slap was crap, Sherri eventually got quite repetetive of Love and this could have been on television, but still, everything else was well executed, and it was an interesting idea to use the women so it gets 8.2 out of 10

Big Boss Man vs Jim Duggan

God, Bossman really does look fucking ridiculous, doesn't he? Anyway, this match kicks off a lot more gusto than anything else on the card, and Bossman is quickly on top. What I liked about it, is that they didn't run out of steam on the beatdown when Duggan started to fight back. Too often the match loses momentum because the heel is on top for too long. This match played it well. Bossman was still dominatng, but every once in a while, Hacksaw got a flurry in, which kept the crowd in it.

They think it is more important to look at Slick than seeing Bossman miss a toprope spot, before Bossman hits Duggan with the nightstick. Duggan then gets the 2x4, having already won by DQ, and Bossman throws some chairs at him. It isunbelievable how over Duggan was, it's amazing what an American flag can do. This match was very solid, and kept to the correct length, but it was hardly edge of the seat stuff to be honest, so it gets 7.6 out of 10

Royal Rumble

Putting Ted DiBiase in at number one was a good move. The crowd loved it, but the fact that he stayed in so long had them shitting themselves that he might win it, very clever. He faces off with Koko B. Ware. I'm sure if you asked anyone in attendance which of them would be in the hall of fame 20 years later, you wouldn't have gotten the right answer.

Koko is out early, and it looks like we won't get the ridiculous build up of talent that plagued the two previous years. DiBiase also eliminates Jannetty quickly, which is good. Contenders should eliminate people throughout, or at least until another big name comes out, which is what happens, as Jake Roberts is number 4, and to boost the big name counter, Savage is next, and Piper after that.

It gets quite good with the heels and faces taking each other on, then the Warlord comes to make it shit. It's a lot more action packed in the early stages than it was in 1989, and eliminations, and the prospect of eliminations are big deals. Dusty eliminating Randy Savage was well done both for storylines, and in terms of looking cool. It means that the match doesn't have that battle royal feeling anymore. However, it has reverted to heels on faces and viceversa, having left that mentality behind the year before. The idea of feuds being born in the Rumble was also first used here, when Bad News Brown and Piper started going at it.

Another concept that they sorted out well was the big name coming in and immediately making an impact on the match. Andre coming in and nailing the Warlord is brilliant. The presence of managers at ringside is weird, because there are so many of them, but in all honesty, they provided a little something extra at times. Heenan being chased by Mr Fuji was a classic.

The match does start building up with people towards the middle, but it isn't as much as a clusterfuck as it was in the past. People work in groups, and people take rests, which is good. They got Andre out, which was well done, but completely missed Hart's elimination, which makes Tastycles do a sad face. That sort of thing should be timed against.

Then it starts to build up again, and it does verge on becoming a cluster fuck, but then who else but Canadian Earthquake comes along and eliminates a few. Earthquake's own elimination is bizarre. Snuka had previously tipped Akeem out, and Andre had also gone fairly easily, but a man smaller than both of them required 6 men. I get year on year inconsistent booking, or even if Snuka was made to look good for eliminating Akeem, but in fact nobody mentioned it at all. Strange.

Anyway, Ultimate Warrior comes in and begins to clean house, albeit slowly. What is strange, is that he worked with Rick Martel to eliminate both Neidhart and Santana. But he gets DiBiase out, which goes down a treat. There's still a lot of peoplein the ring, but never more than about 8, and its fairly consistent in and out, which makes it easy to watch. Well, until Hogan comes in, and immediately takes out two people, while Warrior's efforts put us down to 4 in the ring. Then comes the iconic face off. Michaels, thanks for coming. Honky TonkMan and Martel out too, and then Warrior and Hogan begin running into each other, and then past each other in a prelude to one of the biggest ever main events, before the Barbarian comes out to no reaction, which is a rarity in 1990.

Then Rude just appears randomly, and Warrior makes a save for Hogan, who promptly eliminates him in return. Well done, or would have been if they hadn't done it last year. I think it was a wasted opportunity really. Warrior should have won this rumble, last eliminating Hogan, as it would have made a huge boost for Warrior, and it wouldn't have really made Hogan look bad, but more on that later.

Anyway, by the time number 30, Mr. Perfect, arrives, there are five men left. Hercules then eliminates Barbarian in a move nobody cares about, before he is eliminated by Rude, who is confirming his selection as wrestling's best attire wearer ever. Rude is then eliminated by Mr Perfect, and it goes to one on one between Mr Perfect and Hogan. Perfect hits the perfect plex, before Hogan Hulks up and tosses Perfect out for the win.

All in all, this was probably the first modern rumble as we know it, and it flowed very well. My only real grip with it is the winner. I get Hogan was a big star, but as winning the match meant nothing but pride and he was already WWE champion, it strikes me that it would have been better for someone else to win. Warrior is the obvious choice, but Mr. Perfect or even Dusty Rhodes, so that it could be Royal Rumble winner vs Macho King, would have been better options. It doesn't take too much away from what was a very solid, if not spectacular, main event, which scores 8.1 out of 10

Production and extras

This time it begins with the standard naming of people they had last year,but this time they appear to know the names of who is involved. Better still, there appears to be some serious firepower in the Rumble, but you already know that because you don't read this in the order I wrote it.

Schiavone and Ventura, probably my dream commentary duo are covering this, and they instantly showed chemistry. Probably the best duo ever to actually work together, in my opinion. Their banter in the Bossman vs Duggan match is second to none.

There's a really classic Ted DiBiase interview, which was excellent when it transpired he had number 1, and then there was an underwhelming Genius poem. It was solid, but I've heard better. Sean Mooney also gets the Heenan family to turn on each other, in yet another solid segment. We see a Mr. Perfect interview that promotes his future feud with Beefcake. We also see Duggan go apeshit, but it's still very good. Very solid interviews all of them.

Ah, blue screen promos, as with 89, we'll give, take or ignore a point for each: Bravo -0.1, Earthquake 0, Demolition +0.1 between them, Bad News Brown -0.1, Dusty Rhodes +0.1, Rockers 0, Hercules -0.1, Rick Martel +0.1, Tito Santana -0.1, Jimmy Snuka -0.1, Akeem +0.1, Ultimate Warrior +0.1, Savage +0.1, Powers of Pain -0.1 each, Jake Roberts +0.1, Harts +0.1 each, Honky Tonk Man +0.1, Hogan +0.1, which gives this segment a total of +0.6, or it would if I didn't deduct 0.2 for lots of them just being men shouting about nothing whilst remaining static. Only Warrior, Savage, The Harts and Roberts did anything remotely dynamic.

Playing the music when people go down to the ring to enter the Rumble was new to this year, but they weirdly stopped after doing it for Jannetty and Roberts, numbers 3 and 4 respectively.

All in all, excellent commentary and behind the scenes interviews give this a really high production score. It was slightly let down by the inconsistency in entrance music, and the fact that half the roster did the same bluescreen promo, and they also failed to really say why anyone was fighting each other, which isn't very good, but all in all a solid production was maintained throughout, which scores 8.1 out of 10

Overview

Yet another year on year improvement for the Royal Rumble here. It was let down by a poor opening pair of bouts, but pretty much everything else was pretty good. I really liked the Sherri segment, and if it was three minutes shorter, it would have got a great score. The rumble itself was a huge improvement on the ones that had gone before, and is probably the starting point for the rumble as we now know it, in terms of star power, match type and the level of its winner. As I said, an improvement, but the lower card stopped it from coming on in leaps and bounds and so

I give this event a weighted score of 72 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 1991

An interesting one this, as we see the WWE's commitment to supporting the armed forces for the first ever time, because it was held during the First Gulf War, and this features heavily in the show.

The Rockers vs The Orient Express

Three of the four of the men in this match were born in the United States, and the other was born in Croatia and raised in Canada. However, to continue the theme of the evening, this match is booked as USA vs Japan. The match has a decent pace, but I can't help but think that it there is a deal of poor execution. Eventually, The Rockers start doing what got them over, including a 619-esque rope swing from Michaels.

Still, the match is very solid, but I just don't think the teams clicked as well as they might have. I can't really put my finger on it, but there's something about this match that makes it a decent match, but nothing more, even though there's nothing glaringly obvious that anyone does wrong.

The way Michaels gets back into the match before the hot tag, diving on the karate belt that both Expressers are holding was very innovative, and Jannetty's performance afterwards is where the teams begin to get into it a little more. And the ending is very mile a minute, which I liked. It took a long time to get going, but it was of a decent enough quality. I give this match 7.4 out of 10

Championship Match Set up

I was going to put this in the extras, but it actually lasted quite a while, so I'll do it seperately. Interviews are given to Randy Savage and Sherri early on, and both are pretty good. The only problem is that Sherri gets longer on the mic, which shouldn't be the case, as she isn't as good. Warrior comes out, and she tries to seduce the Ultimate Warrior, who's reaction to it is priceless. After a few minutes of Sherri at her best, Warrior just shouts "NOO!!!", which is exactly what the crowd want to hear. Then Savage comes out, after he's gone, and goes apeshit. All in all, especially given what happens later, this is a very good setup segment. It would have been better if Savage had done pretty much all the talking until Warrior came out, and also if he had actually chased Warrior, rather than pacing like a one man Benny Hill episode. Still, solid segment which scores 7.9 out of 10

The Barbarian vs Big Boss Man

Boss Man is now a face, but he still looks like a tit. I won't hold that against him, but I will hold the fact that The Barbarian spends most of the early section of this match outside the ring, and Boss Man spends his time in it, geeing up the crowd. This is stupid ring psychology, because Boss Man is supposed to be trying to get through Barbarian to get to Heenan, not to get a cheap win.

Eventually, they have a little ruckus, which is slow and boring, then Boss Man has a little rest outside the ring. Then more slow fighting, then a bearhug. Then another one. Boss Man eventually does an enziguri, which is about the closest thing we get to a wrestling move in the whole match to that point. Then it picks up a little, and Barbarian even goes to the top rope twice, including for the finish, a rolled through crossbody, but it doesn't salvage the shithouse beginning to the match. I feel I'm being generous, but the end was pretty decent, so this gets 5.1 out of 10

Ultimate Warrior vs Sgt. Slaughter

The match begins with Warrior tearing up the Iraqi flag, and then beating Slaughter up with it, which might be cheap, but it was perfect in the context of the match. Sherri and Savage beat Warrior down, then Slaughter starts taking over.

There's not that much to write about this match in terms of events, because nothing really happens. A lot of people take that to mean that Warrior is shit, but personally, I get into his matches, and I don't think anyone, even Hogan, has ever successfully got the crowd so behind him without doing anything. Listening to the crowd as he begins to shake his way out of a bear hug is incredible.

Slaughter, meanwhile, plays the heel well. Methodical, he actually does the things that people say Randy Orton does, albeit not as well as people says he does them. When the Warrior no-sell comes, the crowd go apeshit. Sherri interferes and Warrior throws her into Savage, which gets the crowd even more hot, before Savage ***** Warrior with a sceptre, and Slaughter gets the win. I remember when I first watched this, not knowing the result, I couldn't believe it. This was unexpected, and set up Hogan for a big return to megastardom a few months later, and made Slaughter the last true transitional Champion, unless you count Undertaker, which you shouldn't.

The enjoyment you get out of this match depends on your view of the Warrior. If you think he is good, then this is a very good match. If you think he's shit, then you'll hate it. I think it was a well executed finish, and the match played into the strengths of the wrestlers within it. It was kept short, and set up some bigtime future feuds, though not Savage vs Slaughter, as he had wanted. Anyway, I think there may be disparity between this and other people's reviews, but I give this match 8.0 out of 10

Koko B. Ware vs The Mountie

Probably so the crowd didn't get restless, we get absolutely zero reaction to the WWF title match and go straight into another American vs Foreign heel match. This match was a real come down, as it wasn't that good, and it was basically Koko getting squashed for ages. Jimmy Hart talking to the bird outside of the ring was a very good touch though.

That being said, this was basically a squash match, and though Koko got a few good moves in, this was really by no means a classic. At least they kept is short, but it's still only good for 5.7 out of 10

Dustin and Dusty Rhodes versus Ted DiBiase and Virgil

Dustin actually looks a bit like an evolutionary missing link between Dusty and Cody Rhodes. But that's an aside. Unsurprisingly, the Rhodeses have good chemistry, and Dustin shows that he is the best of all of them. This is probably the best that Virgil ever did, in terms of psychology, and him and DiBiase really get over the storyline tension between them.

The actual match is more about the relationships between the two teams, rather than the match itself, so we get little in the way of in ring action. That really doesn't matter though, as the story is told well. Eventually, DiBiase hits Virgil, then DiBiase wins, then the angle that was almost four years in the making. Classic DiBiase, and then a massive cheer for the evening.

The match was average, but the trimmings were excellent, so I score it 7.8 out of 10

Royal Rumble

The match starts with Bravo and Hart, and starts well. It gets better when Dino Bravo is eliminated first, and Hart and the next four- Greg Valentine, Paul Roma, Texas Tornado and Rick Martel keep the positive start going. Everyone is going after everyone and its very tense all around. Then Mr. USA Tony Atlas gets here. Except it isn't Mr USA, it's the unbelievably racist Saba Simba. Who the fuck thought that this might have been a good idea is a moron, but fortunately he is quickly eliminated.

After Simba goes out, the numbers start to build up, and we get up to 9 people in the ring before anyone is eliminated again. The Undertaker gets a big entrance, immediately eliminates Hart. A bit later he throws one of the Bushwhackers out, which would have been better if he threw the second guy out immediately, but then it starts to build up again. I don't mind the odd point in the match, but this has been the case ofr ages here, and it means there's a lot of guys loitering around the periphery of the ring.

Snuka in the ring, in 1991, is showing his age. 18 years later, he wrestled at WrestleMania. There's been more than 8 people in the ring since the Bushwhacker entered, whichever one it was. Even after Undertaker eliminated another two and number 18, later realised to be the fleeing Randy Savage, doesn't show, there are still 9 blokes in the ring, doing boring punches in pairs, and Davey Boy Smith is having a little lean in the corner.

After number 21 enters, there's only been 10 eliminations. Did Shane Douglas really need to stay in this long? Even when the big names come in, they only eliminate one guy each, as a rule. Even Hogan only eliminates one when he first comes in, and then they miss his second elimination of Greg Valentine completely. They also missed Jake Roberts' and Tito Santana's eliminations, which really isn't very good.

Bushwhacker Luke does the classic comedy entrance, but even that doesn't stop there being a massive clusterfuck in the ring. By the time number 30 enters, there are 10 people left, and we miss more eliminations because there is too much going on. Finally, when Tugboat tried to eliminate Hogan, something cool happens in the way of eliminations.

Then, for the fourth year in a row, the rumble ends with two heels facing a face. By now, this is getting pretty tired, and it was probably time for a change in 1991. There wasn't, but Hogan did some good hulking up and then gets the win. I berated the decision to have Hogan win the year before, but this time it made sense. The audience wanted a big American winner, and he wasn't world Champion, so it meant something. This year was the first time the winner faced the WWF Champion at WrestleMania, though it wasn't planned to be like that. The image of Hogan waiving the flag to end the match was a nice touch, and what everyone wanted.

So the winner was good, and the first ten minutes or so was good. The rest of this rumble was poor. Too many cooks spoiled the broth, and there was too much going on. If the commentators can't follow it, neither can the people at home. They kept plugging longevity, but in the three previous rumbles, no-one had gone over half an hour, in this one 5 people did, which kills the acheivement. The first five and last five minutes saved this from being a bad match per se, but it was a huge step backwards on 1990, and even 1989, so it only gets 6.8 out of 10.

Production and extras

We start with the national anthem, which is good for geeing the crowd up, and sums up the theme of the show, as does commentator Roddy Piper's armband. Piper is joined on commentary by Gorilla Monsoon, which is quite a lacklustre pairing for me, after last year's duo. Indeed, it is probably only one minute into the first match when Piper says something racist. I suppose they have chemistry, and Piper eventually tones it down a bit, which is certainly for the best.

Marella is the master of repetition. I don't know why everyone gets on Cole's back for saying vintage, when Gorilla Monsoon said the same shit for literally years. The commentators do a good job of justifying Slaughter's actions. Well not really, but they managed to use him to show that freedom of expression is important, simultaneously getting over that Slaughter is a heel and America is great.

There is a more standard interview than the Savage segments earlier on for Slaughter and Iron Sheik, or whatever his Iraq name was. Slaughter is pretty good, but Adnan (that's it!) is pointless. Then we go to a Warrior interview. Warrior calls himself Sgt. Slaughter, in a charicteristically out there. I guess there are two ways of looking at them. He's either an idiot chatting shit, or he is absolutely engrossed in his character. Either way it is compelling television.

The way there was no reaction at all to the main event and we went straight into another match was bizarre to say the least. It didn't do much for the flow of the show. Eventually, after a squash match, we see the backlash from the title match. Savage is good, Slaughter is good, Adnan is pointless.

At this point, the crowd would have been down after three heel wins, so they do some well wishing messages from fans to the soldiers in Iraq, which is a nice touch. Then we get the classic blue screens, as ever points given and taken for good ones and shit ones. Roberts +0.1, Earthquake 0, Valentine -0.1 Texas Tornado -0.1, LOD 0, Undertake +0.1, Duggan +0.1, Martel +0.1, British Bulldog -0.1, Mr. Perfect +0.1, Tugboat 0, giving this segment a total of +0.2, but again, this isn't before the Rumble, which is weird, especially when we immediately go into a solid Million Dollar Man interview, which would have been relevant, and still broken things up a bit.

The Rumble is set up quite nicely eventually by Hogan's interview with Mene Gene, but they pussy out of a good segment by saying that there's a rumour Slaughter defaced a flag. I know they can't show it, but say he actually did it at least. Also, forgetting Saddam Hussein's name is not the best thing Hogan could have done, but it wasn't to damaging.

Monsoon does some classic contradictions of himself, and also forgets who has been eliminated from the rumble, which is inexcusable. Again Monsoon gives away who's going to be in for a long time by repeatedly saying that Martel had been in for ages, even though for the first half an hour of that period, Greg Valentine had been in longer. Again, when there was hardly anyone left, he said who hadn't been in yet, which pretty much killed any chance of a surprise. He often doesn't acknowledge eliminations until ages after they have happened. He says "get that little pipsqueak out of there" approximately 900 times during the course of this show. You read it here first: Gorilla Monsoon, not a good commentator.

The relatively poor commentary, the odd structuring of the programme, an the fact that none of the feuds had any explanation hurt this again. I know that if you were watching the PPV that you would know what the stories are, but a quick reminder gives a little build to the match-up. I think there was some good moments, and the opening actually said what matches were coming up, as well as who'd be in the Rumble, and it was on the whole far more professional than the previous Rumble coverage, but I'm still loathe to give it any more than 7.6 out of 10.

Overview

This Rumble wasn't very good, to be honest. The main event was poor, and turned into a longwinded battle royal. The good idea to have someone stay in for ages was watered down. If you like Warrior and Savage, as I do, then this didn't have a bad undercard. If you don't like them, then this really doesn't have many redeeming features. This had three bad matches, that could have been shitter, were it not for a decent last few minutes. I've given it a decent score in the end, because I liked the Warrior match, but it could have been a much better event.

This event scores 71 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 1992

So, we reach the end of the first box set, and here we have the first Royal Rumble that was actually for something, and the one that most people consider to be one of the best. We shall wait and see.

The Orient Express vs The New Foundation

Could the New Foundation look any more 90s? Probably not. This match starts off quite slowly, but then Owen Hart starts doing his thing, years before even ECW had Mexicans doing it. Neidhart and Owen don't share the chemistry that Bret and Neidhart did, but they're still very good together, and each of them does their own thing well.

They dominate the match early on, then Fuji uses his cane and the Express take over. By the way, why were all the tag teams in the 80s called Express? Anyway, most of this match has Owen in the ring, which is a good thing, as I really like him in this era.

The Orient Express' dominant period lasts for ages, but the crowd go so apeshit when the hot tag is finally made that its probably worth it. Owen appears to make a miraculous recovery, which is a little crap, but the speed of the ending makes up for it. This was essentially an average tag team match with a great individual performance from Hart. I think that it could have been a little shorter, but it was still quite good, so I'm giving this match 7.7 out of 10

Rowdy Roddy Piper vs The Mountie (Intercontinental Championship)

The match starts off ferociously as Piper attacks The Mountie. Piper keeps the tempo high in the early stages. I think Piper was probably in his twilight years here, in terms of being good, but he was on good form. Much better than he was in WCW anyway.

People talk about the brawling style a lot, and I think that frequently it was shit. Piper was actually a good brawler though, simultaneously looking violent and realistic. However, this match was basically a squash. The Mountie got hardly any offence in, and lost the IC title to Piper. This match was to setup Piper vs Hart at Mania, but they could have at least Mountie get some moves. It could have been a great brawl, instead it was a mediocre squash. 6.3 out of 10

Beverly Brothers w/ Genius v Bushwhackers w/Jamison

The entire character of Jamison was as a comedic parody of Genius, and I suppose he was quite funny. I still can't believe that The Bushwhackers still haven't got old at this point. With weekly television, they probably wouldn't have made a year, but in this era they were incredibly over.

The match starts off slow, which is unsurprising as The Bushwhackers were both over 44 at this point. Genius' disgust of Jamison is far more entertaining than the match itself, and I think I hearf a boring chant. If it was being said, it was fitting. Basically, what happens is someone does a move, then the Bushwhackers stam around a bit, then the two teams run at each other, then we repeat that process. Until a bit when the Beverleys keep running away from the Bushwhackers. I think it's supposed to be funny, but it's actually shit.

Jamison's performance is moderately amusing, but if he's a geek, how come he can't use words properly? "He hitted me" is not something a nerd would say. However, him and Genius outside the ring are the only thing from saving what's going on inside the ring making this match Grade A fecal matter. The fact that this match is almost three time as long as the IC title match is a fucking joke.

Eventually it ends lacklustrely, and they spend a week setting it up for Jamison to get crap payback on The Genius after the Beverley Brothers win. A real stinker, this gets 2.4 out of 10

Legion of Doom vs The Natural Disasters (Tag Team Championship)

An hour into the show, and the 3rd tag team match of the evening is about to take place. This one is for the championships, and its between Hawk and Animal and The Shark and Shockmaster.

This was a classic power match between a big team and a bigger team. The big team is overpowered at first, and then gets a grounding. L.O.D. may be the most influential tag team of all time and work great together. Eventually, The Disasters win by count out. There isn't really much else to say about this, its a bit of a slugfest, and it ends to quickly. I'd say it was adequate, but nothing else. The fact it was shorter than the Beverley Brothers match is a fucking joke. It never properly got out of the blocks, so I give this 6.8 out of 10

Royal Rumble

The match starts with DiBiase and the British Bulldog, and is quite good, before Davey Boy eliminates DiBiase. Then comes Flair, and Flair and Bulldog have a nice little brawl until Jerry Sags comes in and the average quality of wrestler in the ring decreases immeasurably. Fortunately Davey Boy eliminates him quickly, and we go back to Flair and Bulldog.

It begins with heels on faces, but Flair and number 5 Haku manage to change that situation, which is a good thing, for sure. Haku goes out, and is replaced by Shawn Michaels, who continues the tradition. Bulldog keeps lifting people over his head and dropping them in the ring, which defies logic.

Then Tito Santana, perennial in the early days of the Rumble, makes his annual appearance, followed by The Barbarian, who I'm begining to believe is my least favourite wrestler of all time. Texas Tornado comes out next, followed by Repo Man, Greg Valentine and Nikolai Volkoff and they are building up the numbers. Nevertheless, they split up into good groups, and the action takes hold.

Eventually, Volkoff and then Valentie goes over, and because it didn't come after a big entrance, and because there are so many people, nobody cares. The Valentine one came when the audience were looking at Bossman, which was worse. Boss man then eliminates Repo Man, and Flair throws Bulldog and then Tornado out and we have a manageable number again. To be fair, the Flair eliminations were the focal point when they happened. But the eliminations of Santana and Michaels are completely missed.

Hercules and Barbarian are back in the focal point, and we're down to Flair and Bossman, who very awkwardly eliminates himself. Piper and Flair then have an excellent brawl, which is nicely prevented from being a Flair elimination by Jake Roberts. The numbers begin to swell again as Duggan, who appears to have overdone the Sun-in, IRS, and Jimmy Snuka enter the fray. Snuka is quickly eliminated by The Undertaker, who is followed by Savage.

I think we see a rare botch from Savage as he eliminates Jake Roberts, then jumps out of the ring over the top rope after him. The commentators clear it up by saying that he actually didn't eliminate himself because he went out by his own propulsion. It was great quick thinking by Heenan, but it wasn't the case as Boss Man had done so earlier. After that polarver, the numbers appear to swell as the dream team of The Bezerker HUSS HUSS HUSS, Virgil and Colonel Mustapha swell the numbers. Again though, the numbers disperse themselves well, and we never have more than 10, but they miss Mustapha's elimination. Hogan comes in and gets rid of Taker and Bezerker pretty quickly, and Virgil and Duggan eliminate themselves shortly afterwards, which is kind of half missed.

The numbers swell again, but then Sid Justice starts to clean house. IRS' elimination at the hands of Piper was innovative, and then everyone starts going out left right and centre. The final four is Justice, Savage, Flair and Hogan, which is probably the best ever in terms of each of them having a chance to win. Justice throws Hogan out, and then Hogan acts like a heel and gives Flair the win, but somehow Justice is the bad one.

Flair's performance in the match polarises opinion. There are those that say it is brilliant, and those that say it is shit. I think it's very good. Flair plays a heel well. If it was real, he wouldn't try and dominate, he'd hang around the periphery and make a move when it was necessary, which is exactly what he does do. When he does get into proper fights, as he did with Bulldog, Boss Man and Piper, amongst others, he's very good.

The match as a whole was very good, except for a bit in the middle when they missed a load of the eliminations. Typically, the end of the match focussed on Hogan and not the victor, but I still thought it was a great rumble, with an unexpected winner. I really enjoyed the match, so it gets a 8.9 out of 10

Production and Extras

We begin with Mene Gene saying who will be in the Royal Rumble. By now, they have finally gotten the hang of this, and the music is delightfully good. We then have the commentating team talking about what matches we will see. We have Heenan, which is good. And Monsoon, which isn't. To be fair actually, Heenan brings the best in Monsoon. Heenan is the one that brings the talking points to the table, and they are of good quality.

Heenan bigs up Flair throughout the event, which sets the main event up nicely. Indeed, throughout the opening bout, they only talk about the Royal Rumble, which is quite nice, making it the focal point of the evening.

After that, they, for the first time in Rumble history, they actually explain an angle before a match. It takes Alfred Hayes, Sean Mooney and Mene Gene between them to get the angle across, but they do it well, and both Jimmy Hart on behalf of The Mountie and "Rowdy" Roddy Piper himself do incredibly well in getting themselves over.

There's a few extras that were video only on this DVD, which I shall be ignoring, so the next thing the PPV audience would have seen is The Bushwhackers giving an average interview. I couldn't help but notice that the worst thing about Butch's appearance wasn't his teeth, but his scarred forehead, even worse than New Jack. We then get a Genius poem, which is a little too short for my liking. I love Genius, but he's had two poor segments in a row on Royal Rumbles.

There's a really nice interview from Legion of Doom before their match. Then a not so nice ones from The Natural Disasters afterwards, where Jimmy Harts efforts are ruined by Earthquake's inaudiability. Then a decent interview and recap of the Barbershop segment with Shawn Michaels, which is very good.

Now blue screen promos, as previously they will be graded individually: Savage +0.1, Sid Justice 0, Repo Man +0.1, British Bulldog 0 (I probably should take marks for saying "my hometown London" in a Yorkshire accent), Jake Roberts +0.1, Ric Flair +0.1, The Undertaker +0.1, Hulk Hogan +0.1, giving this segment a score of +0.6, which is largely due to the diversity of what was offered by the participants.

By the time we get to the Royal Rumble, the commentators are doing well. Heenan's reaction when Flair arrives is often praised, but rightly so and he continues on form throughout the match. I've said before that I think Monsoon is overrated, but I think the solution is in this match. Monsoon is good at stating what is happening, but not good at making convorsation, which is what Heenan is the best at of all time. Heenan's save after Savage eliminated himself by accident is worthy of further praise.

The event finishes with an interview of Flair that has become iconic, and was great. Followed by photo highlights of the event, which are a nice closing.

All in all, this was a solidly produced event, that benefitted immensely from Heenan's commentary performance, and also the fact that some stories were well explained. Well, except for why the title was vacant, and why Undertaker and Hogan had high numbers, which was ignored. Still good though, giving an a score in this department of 8.5 out of 10.

Overview

This was an excellent main event, and had a good opener. The two undercard title matches were solid but short, but the event was hurt by the final undercard match, which was abysmal and overlong. Whereas the two previous events had been average throughout, this was very hit and miss. However, it has ended up with a comparable score overall.

I score this event 71 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 1993

So, at the 6th Royal Rumble, they had finally reached the stipulation for the main event that we are all now aware of. We finally saw Marty Jannetty vs Shawn Michaels, almost a year after they first split. Let us begin.

Beverley Brothers vs Steiner Brothers

The Steiner Brothers are unquestionably a very good team, and after the Beverley Brothers' abortion of a match a year before, could they pull out something good this year?

The match starts out with the Steiners' amateur style on show for all to see. This is pretty good, but don't worry The Beverley's are there to sap the life out of it when they get in control, only now, we don't even have The Genius outside the ring to make them vaguely interesting.

The Beverlys are truly terrible, but the ending of this match was well worked by Scott Steiner, who still looked like a human being in 1993. It was kept short enough, and The Steiners are better than The Bushwhackers, so this match gets a generous 6.1 out of 10

Marty Jannetty vs Shawn Michaels (Intercontinental Champion)

Shawn Michaels' music was ace when Sherri sang it, but still not as good doing it himself. This match was huge. Not only was it a one year pay off of the angle, but Sherri is also there to throw a spanner in the works.

The match starts off quickly, with Jannetty dominating, repeatedly hitting him out of ring. We see a few shots of Sherri, which is good. It is probably apparent that I am a fan of Sensational Sherri from these reviews, but with good reason. There are few better actresses in wrestling history.

Eventually, Michaels takes control of procedings. People talk a lot about heels being methodical and slow being a good thing. I think it's mostly boring, but here Shawn is dominating procedings, taking the perfect amount of time to look both methodical and interesting.

Jannetty gets back into it briefly, but then Shawn throws him out of the ring. Their use of throwing people out of the ring is really well done. Often, it's done do often, or breaks the match up. In this instance, this isn't the case and Jannetty does some excellent moves into and out of the ring over the ropes. Sherri slapping Shawn was a superb pop, and then we go into a Jannetty domination period played perfectly by both men.

The ending is superb. The referee goes down in a believable way, Jannetty holds Michaels for Sherri to get revenge, Michaels ducks and Jannetty takes a shoe to the face. Michaels then berates Sherri until the ref gets up at which point he hits the Sweet Chin Music, before it was called that for the win. Clearly, this ending was to further the feud, which never happened, but it was obviously meant to, and I don't think the fact it wasn't a clean finish is detrimental, as a result.

This is one of my favourite matches of all time, and I think it was absolutely brilliant, it is a shame that Jannetty couldn't keep his demons in check for long enough for this match to continue. There was very little wrong with it, and a lot right with it, and I give this match 9.9 out of 10

Bam Bam Bigelow vs The Big Boss Man

Not a big fan of Superheavyweights to be honest with you, but Bigelow is probably my favourite of them all. Boss Man was much better at this size. This is as fast paced a match as you'll ever see in this division, and while not flowing very smoothly, quite a lot happens, until Bigelow puts Bossman into some sort of waistlock.

Bossman gets back into it after a while, and matters speed up a little, before Bigelow wins with a diving headbutt. This match has taken a lot of flack in the past, and I suppose not much really happens in it, but it isn't a bad match. I give this bout 6.8 out of 10

Razor Ramon vs Bret Hart (WWF Championship)

I think this was the only time Scott Hall ever had a title match in WWF, which seems a little odd, Ramon really was a good character. Anyway, the match starts out with Ramon in control before Hart gets a foothold in the match.

The match has long periods of control for each man, with each focussing on a particular area of the body. It is the subtle nuances that make this match though. Things like Ramon's glances at Hart when the referee is lifting his arm up during a bear hug, are subtle, but they are sufficiently noticible for it to make a difference.

I think the principal noteworthy aspect of the match is how good it looks. Neither man botches anything and all of the moves look realistic, but without it turning into a matfest, which stops it being boring.

When Razor is in control, he looks good, and Hart looks like he might lose soon, but when Hart is in control, you're still not sure that he'll win, which is really well done.

Eventually HArt gets him in the sharpshooter, in yet another fantastic ending to a Hart match. There has surely never been a more innovative match finisher than Bret Hart. The man would be the greatest road agent of all time, if he'd ever do it.

This was the first time that there was showpiece world title match at the Royal Rumble, that wasn't the Rumble itself, and it was really good. Bret Hart has said that Ramon was green going into this match, but I didn't see it if that was the case. This was a fantastic match, by anyone's standards, and a truly underrated World Title match. I give it 9.1 out of 10

The Narcissist debuts

As much as I think this Lex Luger persona was better than the patriot gimmick he later turned into, this segment was not very good. It begins with Bobby Heenan delivering the most homoerotic analysis of anyone you will ever hear on television, unless you have the gay porn channel. Then we have an interview, and Luger delivers a typically weak promo on Mr. Perfect, which Heenan agrees with, before we have a bit more homoerotica and it finishes. Not very good at all, but at least it got the character over, and I give this segment 4.3 out of 10

Royal Rumble

We begin with Flair and Backlund, who don't really roll back the years. At a combined age of 86, they do better than you might thing, especially as they immediately eliminate Papa Shango. That being said, the next person out is the 39 year old Ted DiBiase, and the first ten minutes of this match show the precipice that WWF was staring down in terms of an aging roster at the time.

Nonetheless, the old timers put on a decent show, until they start slowing down pretty early on. Brian Knobbs is in next, followed by Virgil. Knobbs goes out fairly quickly, after Jerry Lawler and Max Moon, whose quick elimination is completely missed, before Genichiro Tenryu comes out, to absolutely no reaction. Finally we get someone legitimate at number ten in Mr. Perfect. He goes after Flair, which becomes the first really interesting aspect of the match. Flair is eliminated shortly after Skinner comes in, followed by Koko B. Ware.

Perfect eliminates Skinner, and then Samu comes in, and nobody really does anything. Even though there aren't that many people in the ring, there are a lot of people just standing around doing nothing. The Bezerker comes in, shortly before Perfect eliminates Lawler, and then about three people, including Lawler, team to get Perfect out. They miss Virgil's elimination completely.

Fortunately, The Undertaker is out next, and gets rid of a whole host of shit in the ring. Meanwhile, The Bezerker gives Backlund the worst chairshot of all time outside of the ring. Tenryu's elimination is missed too, and Terry Taylor comes in for about 20 seconds before DiBiase gets rid of him and Koko. DiBiase and The Bezerker are eliminated next by Taker, and Backlund is outside the ring.

Suddenly, Giant Gonzalez appears. If there has ever been a more ridiculous wrestler, I've never seen him. The lanky string of piss in a body suit eliminates The Undertaker, before giving him the worst beatdown of all time. Absolutely attrocious.

The rumble then resumes, and 4 of the 6 contenders going into it are out. The final 11 entrants consisted of 5 tag team wrestlers, four guys on their way down in Tito Santana, Repo Man, Randy Savage and Rick Martel, one foreign guest star in Carlos Colon, and the actual winner, Yokozuna.

The people left in the ring before these entrants were Bob Backlund, IRS, Damien Demento and Tatanka. Undefeated Tatanka was probably a contender going into this, but still the crowd is dead as the ring fills with a load of also-rans. As a result, both myself and the contemporary audience switch off, waiting for something to happen. Earthquake eliminates Typhoon, but nothing else happens at all.

The few eliminations that there are are mostly completely missed, and there's just long periods of nothing happening between wrestlers nobody cares about. Yokozuna comes out at number 27, and immediately eliminates Tatanka. The match ends as a contest entirely when he throws Earthquake out easily, having no sold everything the big man threw at him. Everyone left in the match tries to get him out at once, to no avail, and it becomes beyond obvious that he will win. Even when Savage comes out to a standing ovation, there is still little hope that he is going to win. Guys in feuds with Repo Man about a hat, aren't going to win a title shot.

The last two is Savage and Yoko, after Backlund was eliminated following a marathon stint. Savage gets Yoko down, to much jubilation, but Yoko fights back. He then gets squashed for a while, before putting Yoko down, hitting the diving elbow. He then went for the pin, inexplicably, and got thrown out of the ring.

The thing about this match is that it had the big stipulation. It got rid of guys like Flair, Undertaker, Mr. Perfect too early, and even the outside possibilities like Tatanka and DiBiase don't last long. It was a wonderful way to get people to care about Bob Backlund again, but too many eliminations were missed, and there was no star power. Unlike in 1991, where the winner was obvious but entertaining, the winner here was obvious and dull. In the first three years, anyone was a contender, because it didn't mean anything, in 1992, there were a lot of contenders, and three of them were there at the end. In 1993, there were few contenders - this match featured 10 tag team wrestlers - and the winner became obvious as soon as those few contenders were thrown out of the match early on. This was by far the worst Rumble to this point, saved only by a decent enough final two showdown, and the work of Bob Backlund and it scores 4.8 out of 10


Production and Extras

For the first time, we don't have a montage, but instead we have last year's commentary team of Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan name the matches that we will see. I hope they can live up to last year's performance. This event is the first with a Titantron of sorts, though it appears to actually be about 25 portable TVs stacked in a square.

Then we see a recap of Michaels putting Jannetty through the window, and then pulling Sherri in front of Michaels' mirror shot. As an aside, what an angle this was, huh? Hitting Sherri with a mirror was done sublimely. After the match, there's yet another good segment, where a hysterical Sherri is confronted by Michaels until Jannetty attacks him, ably assissted by Mene Gene.

They set up the WWF Championship match nicely with a recap of Ramon attacking Hart, and an interviews with him and Hart.

The commentary throughout is quite understated. Heenan isn't on the form he was on last year, but he is still driving the conversation, which helps Monsoon's performance immensely. Although, Monsoon does do some classic stupid mistakes, e.g. Heenan: "Flair came in at number three last year and won it, what's an extra two spots this time around, he'll do it?" Monsoon: "Two spots?!, he's at number one this year!". No shit, Gorilla Holmes. Also, e.g. "This youngster..." Monsoon on Carlos Colon, aged 44 and the oldest man in the match.

"Caesar" and "Cleopatra" tell us about WrestleMania which was at Caesar's palace that year. The segment is undoubtedly over the top, but in all honesty, it was short and was quite a nice and original way to promote interest in WrestleMania.

We end the show with another photo highlights reel. The production was another great leap forward in terms of production, but Heenan wasn't as good as he was the year before, and Monsoon was a lot worse. The event had a good flow, and the matches went about the right length. We replaced the oldfashioned bluescreen promos with something a little more up to date, in interviews etc. and the stories behind the matches were explained in a little more detail than they had been in the past. A good showing here gets the production department a 8.3 out of 10

Overview

A very good undercard was ruined by what was a terrible main event. The two singles titles matches are amongst the best of the early nineties, and the other two matches were solid enough. However, the main event was dire, predictable and boring. If you swapped the 1992 main event with this one, you'd end up with contenders for the best and worst PPVs of all time. I weight the Rumble heavily though, and this event is ultimately the worst since the first and so

I give this event 69 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 1994

Throughout the time I've been doing these PPVs, my TV finally exploded, having smelled bad for a while. After watching yesterday's event on my girlfriend's shitty portable, I have now bought a new TV, and am about to watch this year's.

Tatanka vs Bam Bam Bigelow

Here, we see Tatanka start things off well, with some pretty big moves. Bam Bam gets back into it after Tatanka repeatedly goes to the top. We see a few shots of Luna Vachon, the weirdest looking woman in the history of wrestling certainly, and possibly mankind.

Once Bam Bam gets in control, it does slow down a bit, but the good thing about him is that he doesn't sap the life out of the match the way that some of these big guys do. Eventually though, as you might expect, he gets Tatanka in a big hold.

However, rather than immediately getting in control once he's broken out, it merely returns to a contest. There's a cool double crossbody shot, which is both more impressive and more innovative than a double clothesline, and then Bam Bam misses a moonsault, which always looks cool, before Tatanka wins.

This was the first time the show had opened with a singles match for a few years, and it was quite good. I felt the hold went on a little too long in the middle of the match, but otherwise it was very entertaining from two well matched workers. I give this match 8.1 out of 10

The Quebecers vs The Hart Brothers (WWF Tag Team Championship)

The first thought of this match is how unbelievable it is that Johnny Polo became Raven. That has to be the biggest character change ever. Anyway, the match starts off very well. Initially it is Bret and Pierre, but eventually Owen gets in against both performers, and is again very good. I really like Owen HArt in this period. He and Bret tag in and out a few times, but he performs masterfully, until the final time he tags in Bret, and then the Quebecers start to take over.

This is where the story of the match picks up. Bret is getting nailed repeatedly. Owen keeps trying to drag him to the corner to tag him in, but to no avail. Eventually, Owen does get in and he begins to dominate the match. He gets someone in the sharpshooter, but Bret is being berated by the referee while the other Quebecer breaks it up, and they take control again.

Owen tags in Bret, and they remain dominant, until Johnny Polo does the only thing he does all match and gets Bret to fall out of the ring. Then Bret gets hit with the golf club, and then The Quebecers start to attack his leg. At one point he has the opportunity to tag, and he doesn't and the referees deem him unfit to continue.

After the match, Owen berates Bret and is angry. Eventually he kicks his brother's bad leg, and everyone gets annoyed. All in all, a very solid matchup and it set up a brilliant storyline, so it gets 8.8 out of 10

Irwin R. Schyster vs Razor Ramon (Intercontinental)

A match between one of my favourite characters of all time, against one of my least favourite. IRS was just such a cheap heat merchant, and he wasn't very good at all on the mic, I don't think. Everyone hates the taxman, we get it.

It is however, a pretty solid match, and there is a lot of back and forth action. Ramon has the control for most of the match, until the referee gets knocked out. Ramon hits IRS with the briefcase and then Michaels comes out and hits Ramon with his second IC belt. The referee comes around, IRS pins Ramon and wins. Fine.

Then another referee comes out and tells the referee what he missed. Fine. This means that IRS should win by DQ. Or, if the ref only saw what Michaels did, that Ramon should win by DQ. Instead, what actually happened is the match continued, Ramon hits a Razor's Edge and wins by pinfall. The nonsensical finish really hurt this match for me, but it was otherwise good, so I give it 6.8 out of ten

Yokozuna vs The Undertaker

This begins as a pretty standard Yokozuna affair, slow and shit. Added to Undertaker's no-selling adds to the shitness. However, once Taker gets in control, it gets a little better. Then what happens is most of the heels in the company come in and start going after taker. This is far more interesting than the match itself, but it is sad that the longest ever reigning heel champion couldn't put on a match longer than five minutes. This turns into a 10 on 1 clusterfuck, and it is pretty fucking terrible.

Eventually, Yokozuna opens the urn, and some dry ice fills the arena. Oooh. The beatdown continues, and then they put taker in the casket. This is a Raw beatdown segment, on PPV extended over about 15 minutes. Then the match finishes. Dire, and it gets 1.6 out of 10

Royal Rumble

This year, we see the two minute stipulation changed for 90 second for the first time. We begin with Samu and Scott Steiner, followed by Rick Steiner. Samu then has a pretty cool elimination before Kwang comes out. I literally just found out that Kwang was Savio Vega, I'm not sure which I like less.

Owen Hart out next to a chorus of boos. Followed by Bart Gunn. It's pretty standard fare so far, but the elimination of Rick Steiner is duly noted. Diesel comes out and eliminates everyone pretty quicky, which is the first time we have ever seen such dominance in a Royal Rumble. He then eliminates Bob Backlund, Billy Gunn and Virgil almost as soon as they get to the ring. This was pretty well done, as it showed his dominance without going on for too long. Naturally, the gaps between participants ran the risk of being boring, so they run a segment showing Luger getting beaten up by Yokozuna's henchmen backstage.

Eventually Randy Savage comes out and breaks the chain of Diesel eliminations before it gets old. Then the numbers increase with Jarrett coming out shortly afterwards. Savage gets tossed over the ropes, but does a cool hold on spot before throwing Jarrett out of the ring.

Then Crush comes out, followed by Doink accompanied by Dink. They show a dual picture for Doink's entrance, for some reason, but they do still commentate on the elimination of Savage. The ring then begins to fill up more substantially and eventually we have Diesel and four others when Shawn Michaels comes out. Diesel shakes Michaels hand, but is then eliminated by the other four as Michaels does nothing. Diesel gets a nice cheer as he leaves, and hte seeds had been planted for his meteoric rise over 1994.

Mo comes out next and we have Michaels plus a who's who of dogshit gimmicks from the mid 90s with men on a mission, Crush and Sparky Plugg. Later, Greg Valentine became the first of the random oldtimer returns, starting a new Rumble tradition. The ring fills out, and someone keeps Mo out of the equation while Mabel is thrown out by everyone put together.

Luger comes out, and with Kabuki in the ring already, we get the second storyline of the rumble, after the emancipation of Diesel earlier. Crush and the Japanese go after Luger, which is the focal point, but we look at other people a fair deal too. They tease a Bret Hart no show at number 25, but then he actually comes in at 27 to a rapturous reaction from the audience, and giving us the third big story of the match, with him overcoming his injury.

By now, there hasn't been an elimination for a while, and things are starting to get overpopulated in the ring. It takes three men to get Crush out, amazinglyl. Jannetty and Michaels have a nice little battle in the middle of the ring, as number 30 Adam Bomb, ugh, makes his way to the ring.

At this point, there are 12 people in the ring, which I believe is a record. Plugg's elimination is missed, and after that the elimnations go unbelievably slowly. Eventually, Rick Martel gets Greg Valentine out of the ring, and the eliminations start going fast, with Martel, Adam Bomb, Mo, Tatanka, Bigelow and Jannetty all oing out, some of them are missed completely. Tenryu goes next, anf then we get a proper final four of Michaels, Luger, Hart and Fatu.

This is good, because three of them had a legitimate shot at winning, and then two are eliminated, and we are left with Luger and Hart. They both go over, refs start arguing, and then each is announced as winner, before they eventually show a replay that shows they both went over at the same time, which is a sentiment Jack Tunney shares. This was an immaculately worked finish, and while I'd normally credit Hart, he himself said Luger orchestrated it.

This rumble was very good, except for it let the numbers build up a little too much towards the end. It would have been nicer if guys like Mo had been eliminated by people like Luger straight away. The end was very well done though, and that gives a lot of plus points, and I enjoyed the match as a whole apart from the five minutes immediately following Adam Bomb's entry. I therefore give this match 8.3 out of 10

Production and Extras

The show opens with McMahon bigging up some of what we will see later, followed by a big entrance for his co-commentator Ted DiBiase. I don't think DiBiase is entirely comfortable in the booth, and though he isn't brilliant, he does add something a bit original to the performance, but he often doesn't say anything. It's a good thing Vince is commentating, because he can talk and talk without making a tit of himself, unlike Monsoon. DiBiase begins to come into his own throughout the event, to be fair.

Both commentators oversell the fact that Owen Hart wasn't getting tagged in, particularly when there was no way that Bret could do so at the time that they were saying them.

They set up the story for the Hart match up very well, with a nice video package explaining how the feud developed over time. The promo where they bury the hatchet is brilliant, but that won't contribute as it wasn't actually on this show.What will count is the fact they built the storyline up. The aftermath of the Hart match was very well done, and really set up the feud further. With Rougeau unable to interview the injured Bret, and Owen Hart being interviewed and completing the heel turn by saying he doesn't care about his family. This was the first time we saw the screen used effectively.

For some reason, the Intercontinental match switches to the Radio WWF commentary team of Monsoon and Jim Ross. This actually happened at the time, for reasons unknown, and the two work well together. This is JR in his prime, and Monsoon is probably better as a colour commentator.

There's a weird segment before the WWF title match, where they recap the feud which is good. Fun fact for you: Tastycles' girlfriend thinks Paul Bearer subtracts from the Undertaker. I'm inclined to disagree, but he does sound fucking ridiculous.

The segment after the Undertaker is apalling by modern standards, special effects wise. But it was very ambitious at the time and having the guy dressed as Taker rise to the ceiling was well done. I am a fan of this segment in 1994, in 2009, I would think it attrocious. It's actually 2010, I've just realised, but whatever, same applies.

The commentators are really good during the main event, McMahon keeping tabs of everything, and DiBiase getting comfortable in the booth. The picture split when there is an entrance to the rumble is good too.

The reaction between the two commentators at the end, and the way the ending played out on screen hightened the tension without them kicking the arse out of it, and the event ends with Luger and Hart shaking hands, followed by still photo highlights, which by now are pretty dated.

All in all a good production, the only problem was that DiBiase was a little tentative on commentary early on and the very last thing we saw was quite outmoded, however they did end with a video replay of the ending. As a result of this mixed bag, I give the event a production score of 7.8 out of 10

Overview

This was an event, like the year before, that was let down by one attrocious match. The rumble itself was a huge improvement, but the world title matches has to be one of the worst of all time. It was basically a shitty beatdown segment with a title on the line. The rest of the card was quite good, but the IC match was let down by a ******ed finish. I liked the show, but the title match is the worst match on Rumbles to that point, and possibly ever, even worse than the Bushwhacker piece of shit in 1992, and it really kills this event as a whole.

I give this event 68 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 1995

We get to the WWE's miserable period, how bad was this PPV, we'll have to wait and see. I hope not too bad, I've got a headache.

Jeff Jarrett vs Razor Ramon (Intercontinental Title)

The match begins with Ramon doing a few power moves, and then Jarrett gets into it, stopping to taunt a few times. Roadie is outside the ring, in what was surely a waste of talent.

Meanwhile, nothing is really happenening in the ring. Razor will do a bit, but then Jarrett will get back into it and then do nothing. Eventually, they actually start to pick the pace up a little bit, and then a bit more, with Jarrett using dropkicks and Ramon using power to get ahead.

Jarrett puts a headlock on, and then starts cheating to try and win, with feet on the ropes etc, until Ramon crotches him on the ring post. Ramon is then attacked by the Roadie and loses by countout, until Jarrett gets on the mic and tries to coerce Ramon back to the ring. Ramon does do that, goes back to the ring, only for Jarrett to beat him down for a while, before Ramon tosses him out of the ring. But then Jarrett just gets back in the ring and hits the figure four,which goes on for an incredibly long time before Ramon breaks out and then levels Jarrett with a few punches.

He puts Jarrett on the turnbuckle, does some sort of drop off it. He goes for the Edge, but his leg collapses and Jarret wins with a small package. It was quite a good finish, to a very slow paced and quite boring match. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good, and I give this match 6.9 out of 10

The Undertaker vs Irwin R. Schyster

What a difference a year makes. Taker went from feuding for the world title i 1994 to feuding with assorted members of DiBiase's stable throughout 1995. Here he met IRS, who cuts a typically easy promo.

The match starts off typically slowly for a Taker match from this time. Taker makes a move, and IRS leaves the ring. Eventually Taker goes for him, and throws him out of the ring, shortly after IRS nearly hit DiBiase, who then brings in the druids.

Taker starts squashing IRS, then he goes after the druids. IRS then gets back into it, and begins to dominate proceedings. Then Taker slams him a few times, but then momentum swiftly shifts back until he does a classic sit up. IRS continues to do a bit, before Taker hit the chokeslam for the win.

This was a dull as dishwater affair, that did peak at times, but was mostly boring, and I give it 4.6 out of ten

Bret Hart vs Diesel (WWF Championship)

The match begins with some good power on display from Hart. There is a good pace to it set up early on, and then eventually Hart manages to get a foothold. Hart begins to work on Diesel's knee, in a typical display for Hart.

He locks in a figure four early on and it becomes a war of attrition, with Hart trying to damage Diesel's legs, and with Diesel throwing his weight around. The match is a great example of how a bout between two faces works. With one guy getting ahead, and then the crowd enjoying it when the momentum shifts back the other way.

Bret ties Diesel's legs up around the ring post at one stage, but the official undoes it before there are any serious repurcussions, which is disappointing. Diesel gets into the driving seat, and hits the Jackknife to rapturous applause, before Shawn Michaels appears and starts beating Diesel up. The referees get rid of Michaels, but they don't end the match for some reason, which doesn't follow typical wrestling logic, but it does make good for the match, so I'll let it go.

The match continues, and Bret takes control of it. He tries to hit Diesel with a chair, but misses, and then OWen Hart interferes and attacks Bret Hart. Owen is at his best at this point, and it is a shame he never really rose above the point he was at at this stage. Again, the referee gets the match to continue, in yet more logic defying action.

By this point, both men are pretty tired, and the action becomes a bit of a slugfest. Bret starts playing possum, remarkably believably, before the referee gets taken out. At which point Micheals, Jeff Jarrett and The Roadie attack Diesel while Bob Backlund and Owen Hart go after Bret Hart, giving this a huge clusterfuck ending before Jack Tunney sends everyone away. The referee declares it a draw, before everyone comes back. Diesel gets rid of them all and saves Bret and the two of them shake hands.

This was quite a good match, that turned into a bit of a clusterfuck. Had this feud continued, this would be a satisfactory ending, but as they didn't I only wish that it was a bit more decisive, which we didn't see until much later. Still, it was a good face off with good psychology so I give this match 8.1 out of 10

Tatanka and Bam Bam Bigelow vs Bob Holly and 1-2-3 Kid (WWF Tag team title)

This was the final of a tag team tournament. The finalists were probably not the most interesting of teams, and it begins at a dull rate, until 1-2-3 Kid does a couple of cool moves, only to be quickly put in his lace by Bigelow, and Tatanka, who was in much worse shape than he used to be. It's funny how many wrestlers started looking worse after the steroids trial, though that is presumably unrelated.

The Kid gets squashed for a while until he somehow gets Bigelow out of the ring, and then tags in Holly. Holly hits his dropkick during this match, which is pretty much the only good thing he did in his entire career, before Bam Bam pulls down the rope to get him out of the ring.

Bam Bam rolls him back to the ring, and the squashing recommences. Indeed, it goes on for ages. Eventually, Holly somehow gets Tatanka down, in a repeat from Tatanka's double crossbody spot last year, which is quite nice. The Kid comes in and does a whole host of cool moves, until Bigelow throws him out of the ring.

Tatanka runs into the ropes, inexplicably while Bam Bam is on the top rope, knocking him off, and Kid gets the win. This was basically a squash with the wrong winners. They didn't even do anything to get the win. Kid did some cool moves, but otherwise this was a big turn off, and gets 5.7 out of 10

Royal Rumble

This is the first year that we had one minute entries, and we begin with Michaels and Bulldog, two legitimate contenders, and they are later joined by Eli Blu and Duke "the dumpster" Droese. The match continues at quite a fast pace, but there is a real lack of star power on show. The reason that the two that started this match stayed in for so long is that there wasn't really anyone else that could be seen as contenders at any other point in the match, except for Lex Luger and maybe Owen Hart.

The only story to the match is that Bret attacks Owen again during his entrance, which gets him eliminated immediately, but that elimination is missed. A load of people get eliminated, but most of them are missed and we are down to Michaels and Bulldog again. It is a case of deja vu as Jacob Blu comes out next, but is thrown out.

King Kong Bundy joins the fray and gets rid of Mo really quickly after his entry, but then he is eliminated by Mabel, who is then eliminated by Lex Luger, leaving us with the only three contenders left in the ring, until they are joined by Mantaur, Aldo Montoya, Henry Godwinn and the Gunns.

Hart breaks things up by attacking Backlund and costing him the match, so he is quickly eliminated. Outside of that though, the numbers continue to swell and Dick Murdoch was that year's random oldtimer entrant.

Then Crush comes out and a load of people start to go out. Most of these eliminations are missed. Henry Godwinn does a cool elimination on Dick Murdoch and is then eliminated by Luger giving us our final four of Luger, Michaels, Bulldog and Crush.

Crush and Michaels eliminate Luger, who had stupidly climbed the turnbuckle to punch Crush. Bulldog eliminates Crush, and we're left with the two we began with. The ending is well done, but they focus on Michaels a little too long. If the camera angle changed straight away, it'd have been a little easier to buy. Not that I didn't buy it when I first saw this at the time.

The storyline of this match was good, two guys in throughout, one beats the other when he thought he'd won, but the rest of it was putrid. I imagine that the shift to 60 second entries was so that they could get rid of their crappy roster quickly. 7 men lasted less than a minute in this rumble, and only two went past 20. Luger was the only guy outside the final two that ever looked like winning, but at least there were always contneders in the ring.

This match used to be my favourite, because of the story, but a more in depth analysis shows exactly why WCW were in a position to take it to the transitional WWF shortly after and explains the dogshit mania that came after this event. It was good theyt kept it short, and I liked the ending, so I'll give it 6.4 out of 10

Production and Extras

The show opens with Pamela Anderson arriving, and new music, with a summer theme. Remember, this PPV was, like all others, in January. We see Vince and Lawler are the commentators, and you can hardly hear them when they are first introduced. Once they are in the booth, things get much better.

I really don't have much time for Lawler's commentary to be perfectly honest. He offers little in terms of story development, and basically just cheers for the heel, but he isn't at his worst at this point. In fact, he's actually quite good. Vince is alright, as ever, and humorously calls Nash "big daddy tool" at one point.

There's a weird interview segment with Todd Pettengrill and Pamela Anderson early on, a prelude to what happens later alongh with an interview with Jeff Jarrett from Stephanie Wyland. The names of those two interviewers says a lot.

They big up the fact that Lawrence Taylor is at ringside without ever showing him for ages, which is weird considering he obviously was there. After the Taker vs IRS match, King Kong "yawn" Bundy makes his entrance, and destroys Taker while the urn is stolen by the Million Dollar Corporation. It's a good idea, but, it sets up a shit Mania match. Bearer uses the crowd as a makeshift urn to get Taker to his feet.

There are then two short interviews with Diesel and Bret, where neither of them really say much. They both serve to beff up the importance of the match though.

We go back to Anderson's dressing room and wee see Pettengill make a cock out of himself before a shit interview with Bob Holly and 1-2-3 Kid by Stephanie Wyland. This event really missed Mene Gene.

After the tag match, we fially see Lawrence Taylor goading Bigelow after Bigelow loses the match. Bigelow punches him, and the storyline main event of WrestleMania XI begins.

That was followed by a highlights package of the 1994 Rumble, with Michaels eliminating Diesel, followed by a Michaels interview. They then show the ending followed by a Luger promo. This was quite a nice way to set up the two promos. Then Pamela Anderson comes out with a nipple erection to host the rumble in an Adidas ball gown. I had no idea such a thing existed.

There was a good replay segment at the end, but the show pretty much ended quite flatly.

The commentary in this event wasn't as good as it had been in the past, and the backstage announcers were poor. There was little extras to talk about and no storylines were explained at all going into any of the matches. As a result, the production for this event scores a lowly 6.3 out of 10

Overview

This Royal Rumble was average in everyway. There wasn't any stand out matches, good or bad really, and the most telling thing about it was the complete lack of star power that the WWE had at the time. It is unsurprising that what is widely regarded to be the shittest Mania ever came on the heels of this, because there was nothing noteworthy about it, and nothing big time. Anderson's inclusion appeared to be pointless name dropping, even though she did go to Mania, and Lawrence Taylor's cameo could have been so much more. The event was nothing to write home about, and without any saving grace, I cannot in good cosncience score it well.

This event scores 65 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 1996

So, we've reached the first Rumble of the Monday Night War era. At this point, the WWE had very much the younger roster, and they let you know it, but the chronic lack of star power in the company had become apparant the year before. Would it affect this year? We're about to find out.

Jeff Jarrett vs Ahmed Johnson

The match begins with Ahmed Johnson showing some of his impressive power and agility. Johnson really was a fucking beast, and it is a shame that what happened to him did, because he could have been huge, I truly believe that.

After a while of this, Jarrett gets back into it, and does a few moves before doing the strut. There has never been a more over taunt, I don't think. Jarrett eventually ends up in a bearhug, before Johnson begins to dominate again.

It is a truly back and forth encounter eventually, and Jarrett gets to put the figure four on. Johnson flips it over, which isn't really seen that often. Johnson boots Jarrett out of the ring, and he gets the guitar and does a pretty cool kabong off the top rope with it. Johnson wins by DQ, whilst looking strong, and Jarrett gets some heat. Johnson chases Jarrett out of the ring. This was a good, fast paced opener and I'm a big Ahmed Johnson fan, so I give it 8.2 out of 10

The Bodydonnas vs The Smoking Gunns (WWF Tag Team)

We begin with Sunny being the first attractive woman in Royal Rumble history cutting a promo, before the match gets underway. It begins quite sloppily, with the Gunns in control. I'll be honest, I think Bart was better than Billy, and it's a shame Butterbean killed him.

Anyway, outside the ring Sunny is acting like a slag, and inside the ring absolutely nothing is happening really. There's the odd move by the Gunns, but basically nothing happens until Sunny gets knocked off the apron. Billy goes to check if she is alright and then he gets nailed while she get up, she was fine all along! Who'd have thunk it?

Then the Bodydonnas take control of the match, and it's just a decent, but slow heel tag team performance. Lots of double teams on Billy Gunn, preventing the tag. Quite a lot of weird tiny botches too, leading up to a bizarre double take down before a hot tag to Bart.

The Gunns do their finisher, but Sunny distracts the referee. More double teams from the Bodydonnas, but then a cool finish as Billy Gunn takes out one of the Bodydonnas as they hold Bart in the air for a double suplex. Quite a good end, to quite a dull match, but I suppose it was passable and I give it 6.3 out of 10

Goldust vs Razor Ramon (Intercontinental Championship)

The match takes ages to get undeway as Goldust touches himself repeatedly. Razor sells not wanting to touch him quite well, but eventually he starts going for him. But there are frequent break ups when Goldust begins to touch himself - and Razor - in a suggestive manner.

The psychology of the match is pretty unique as a direct consequence of Goldust's actions, but it does make for a slow paced affair. In addition, Goldust repeatedly hides behind Marlena, who is at this point unnamed, and is the second attractive woman in Royal Rumble history.

After ages, Razor accidentally hurts her, and Goldust actually starts to wrestle, and the freaky stuff stops. Although Marlena does blow some gold dust into Ramon's eyes. The fact that there was a definite turning point in the psychology is a good thing, because otherwise it wouldn't make any sense.

Goldust dominates the match for a long time, but then Razor turns it in his favour. Marlena distracts the referee while the 1-2-3 Kid attacks Razor, and then Goldust gets the win.

I liked the match once the mind games had stopped, and would have liked the mind games had they been a bit shorter. The end was a little cheap, but not attrocious by any means. It was good, but not great and took too long to get going, so I give it 7.4 out of ten

Royal Rumble

We begin with a young HHH, when that still stood for something, who had lost the free for all, against Henry Godwinn, who is still fat and shit. Then he is joined by Bob Backlund, who was still old and Jerry Lawler, who was still over as a heel. We're back to what is officially 2 minute entries this year.

Godwinn covers King in slop, which goes down really well for the audience. Bob Holly's entrance does not go down very well, and the match continues with five. Near eliminations are given due attention early on, which is good. 1995 King of the Ring, yes you read that right, Mabel is in next, and he is looking fat as ever.

Jake comes out next, and releases the snake, which goes down well, and he is followed by the annual old time appearance, belonging to Dory Funk this time around. Lawler is doing a hiding spot, which is the first time it had been done, and it was a good touch.

Yokozuna, not yet a face and fatter than ever, comes in and makes the first elimination of the match, after almost 15 minutes, in Bob Backlund. That being said though, the huge number of people was not a negative thing, because there was focus on everyone. Well, there was until Henry Godwinn's elimination was missed in the fracass that ensued when 1-2-3 Kid entered the arena being chased by Razor Ramon.

There was another typical 90s Rumble entrant in the foreign star. In this instance it was Takao Omori, the All-Japan wrestler. In a true clash of the titties, Yokozuna eliminates Mabel, shortly after Savio Vega attacks both of them. Omori is sent back to Japan, after a cool exit at the hands of Jake Roberts.

After this, Vader makes his WWE Debut, attacking Vega, who has recently eliminated Funk in yet another cool elimination. USWA talent Doug Gilbert, brother of Eddie, joins the fray, but nobody really cares. Vader eliminates the popular Jake Roberts, before two more random people that nobody cares about in the Squat team make their entry.

Fortunately, Vader eliminates Gilbert and one of the Squat team and Yokozuna eliminates the other, leaving us with proper WWF guys once again. Who are "they" that call Vader that? I don't know. The next man out is Owen Hart, who was being sold as the guy that had injured Michaels going into this match, which is good as Michaels is out next.

Meanwhile, Vader and Yokozuna have created a formidable duo, and they combine to eliminate Vega before turning on each other. They go to the ropes and Michaels throws them both out to a gigantic pop, before getting rid of the Kid for good measure. Vader comes back in and throws Michaels out of the ring, followed by everyone else, but apparently this doesn't count as he has already been eliminated, and Gorilla Monsoon comes and shouts at him.

Everyone gets back into the ring, and Hakushi does a bit of jumping about before Owen Hart eiminates him, just after Michaels did a good holding on spot. Aldo Montoya is out now, answering the question that nobody asked"when will there be a Portuguese wrestler". His quick elimination is missed.

Meanwhile, Michaels is outside of the ring and he drags Lawler out from underneath, and then puts him in the ring to throw him out, before Diesel comes out, immediately eliminating Tatanka. He and Michaels then begin to go at it in the middle of the ring before Owen Hart goes after them.

Papa Shango is now Kama Mustapha and is out next. I wish it was the Godfather. And a number of small battles begin before Stone Cold The Ringmaster comes out, who still has hair and gets rid of Bob Holly pretty quickly. Next out is Barry Horrowitz, who isn't given a hilarious two second elimination, surprisingly.

The next elimination goes to HHH, who has been in for a hell of a long time, when Diesel throws him out of the ring easily. Good because it makes Diesel look good, and good because HHH got a long run in the match. Fatu, still not the fat cunt he'd later become, is out next. He is followed by the horrendous Isaac Yankem DDS, and Horrowitz is finally eliminated.

Owen Hart knocksout Michaels, but he is then eliminated, and the commentators miss it, which is a shame as they had been doing well. Jannetty comes out next, after his annual rehiring, but he doesn't go straight for Michaels, for a change, but waits a minute or so. Jannetty is also the next man eliminated, at the hands of the British Bulldog, who comes out at number 29. The Ringmaster's elimination is also missed, but Fatu, who eliminated him, is then himself thrown out by Yankem onscreen before Duke "The Dumpster" Droese comes out at number 30.

Bulldog goes after Michaels, who is saved by Diesel and then Michaels knocks Yankem out of the ring. Kama and Diesel get rid of Droese, Michaels eliminates Bulldog, and then superkicks Diesel out of the ring as soon as Diesel eliminated Kama. A ferocious ending, and far quicker than the typical ending. Diesel goes apeshit after the end of the match, but more on that later.

They did the best they could with what they had for this match. They missed few eliminations, and though people were in for a long time, it made sense. Most eliminations were quite innovative, and the snap ending was well done, and the match was quite entertaining throughout. It was let down by missing Owen's elimination, and a lack of serious contenders. Vader, Diesel and Michaels were the only guys you ever felt ever looked like winning, which is a shame. As a result, I give this match a respectable 7.9 out of 10

The Undertaker vs Bret "Hit Man" Hart (WWF Championship)

The match's start is delayed by Diesel attacking Undertaker, but eventually Hart makes his way to the ring. The interesting thing about this match up is that Bret Hart had uniquely good matches at this period and Undertaker had uniquely bad matches, so we shall wait and see.

Taker is wearing his ridiculous face mask as a result of a broken jaw, but he doesn't half look like Lieutenant Worf. Star Trek reference for you there. The match begins with The Undertaker in control, and as a result it is slow.

Hart is selling well, and Taker does old school when it was new school, before going back to dullard holds. Eventually Hart takes control, and he does a few big moves on Taker, before Taker rams him into the ring post. He tries to do it again, but Hart reverses it, which is good times.

Hart then attacks Undertaker's leg, having done another reversal during an irish whip to the stairs. He works the leg for a long time, and puts him in the ring, eventually locking in a figure four, before going back to kicks and more basic holds. Taker was supposed to be impervious to pain, but apparently this was the turning point where he started becoming a bit more mortal.

Taker goes a bit apeshit and hits Hart with a chair, before we go back to the ring and more leg holds. Every now and then bearer does something to change the flow, but we get back into leg holds pretty quickly each time. Eventually, we get a DDT and a backbreaker, as Hart starts to do actual moves, eventually attempting to lock in the sharpshooter, before Taker grabs him by the throat. Then we have a double clothesline and everyone is down.

Bret gets up and undoes the turnbuckle. Then takes off Taker's mask. He thrusts Taker's face into the exposed corner to a chorus of boos. Taker somehow fights back and hits the Tombstone, but then Diesel comes in and pulls the referee out, before Taker is awarded the win by DQ.

This match was too long, but it had some flashes of brilliance. It was yet another messy title match end at the Royal Rumble, as there was in both of the previous two years, which was a little disappointing. I enjoyed it when it was good, but it was horrible when it was dragging on. It's really hard to score, but in the end, I shall give it 7.1 out of 10



Production and Extras

The event begins with Sunny in the bath, followed by a montage of all the champions in the WWF and tells us some of the things that we can expect in the event to come, and some of the storylines leading into it, before we are introduced to the commentary team of Vince McMahon and Mr. Perfect.

The opening match is preceeded by a video of why the two are fighting, which is good. It becomes clear in this match that the audio port to DVD wasn't very good, but I won't hold it against the event. It also becomes clear that Perfect is a decent heel analyst, if not great.

We have an interview with Diesel after the first match, which is pretty good. After the second match, we get a Billionaire Ted segment, which were pretty funny, to be honest with you. This is followed by a segment showing how weird Goldust was being towards Razor Ramon, and built up their feud. My girlfriend said she had never been more freaked out by Goldust ever before. Goldust's entrance is a little overlong, but I suppose it gets his character over well.

They then have blue screen promos, but without the blue screen. However, unlike in the past they were all kept short, and were all good. However, they won't be given too many extra points, because it was quite a dated thing by this point. What wasn't dated, was the fact that they used people's entrance music during the Rumble, which was nice. Perfect gives us some Monsoonesque statments of the obvious with "if my calculations are correct, there are four men left" after number 26 entered.

After the match, we have a lengthy celebration segment with Michaels, broken up by Diesel looking like he might attack him, but then not doing it. Diesel attacks Undertaker during his entrance, which seems weird when he was obviously happy for Shawn. Diesel's actions set up him and Taker at WrestleMania quite nicely, but seem incompatible with the way he reacted during Shawn's overlong exit.

We then see Gorilla Monsoon set up the next title match, which will be Diesel vs Bret Hart, followed by an excellent interview with Michaels. He has a nice dig at Hulk Hogan, before talking about the potential for fighting Diesel, followed by a random interview with Monsoon, where Undertaker says that he won't let Diesel win the title, so Monsoon makes it a cage match. We then get a Diesel interview, which is quite good at getting his new heelish character over. This is followed by a Jim Cornette interview where he bigs up Vader and then we gets a good video highlights package of the event.

All in all, this was a much better production. Most of the matches were set up a little, and the event flowed nicely. They crammed in the interviews at the end, which was unecessary, but otherwise, a big improvement on the year before. The commentary was similarly good, with McMahon being better than he was before, and Perfect being adequate. I give the production of this event 7.6 out of ten

Overview

Again, there was nothing particularly stand out about this event, but it was of a much higher standard than the year before. This was the eye of the storm for the WWF, and they made the best use of what they had. A good performance from the company that was about to fall on difficult times. As a reward for its consistency, this PPV rated far higher than I expected and

I give this PPV a score of 75 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 1997

After the suprisingly high score that I gave to last year's show, how would the first show during the period when WWE was getting routinely pasted hold up? Not very well is my guess, but we shall wait and see.

Goldust vs Hunter Hearst-Helmsley

People often say that the MSG Incident put a career check on HHH, but in all honesty, here he is 6 months later as a midcard champion. His gimmick now was as a bit of a playboy, and this angle centred around Hunter Hearst-Helmsley's infatuation with Marlena.

The match begins when Goldust starts attacking Helmsley during his entrance. They go to the ring, then they go outside, and Helmsley gets faceplanted onto the fence.

It starts off as a pretty standard fare back and forth match, and then Goldust throws the ring steps onto Helmsley's back, without the referee batting an eyelid, which is strange. From there on out, Goldust pretty much dominates for a while.

On the outside Mr. Hughes and Marlena are doing absolutely nothing. And Goldust does a few holds, and nails Helmsley on the stairs again. He is also doing a bit of the weird taunting, but not as much as in previous years.

Eventually Helmsley gets back into it, and the match slows down. Helmsley tries to hit Goldust with the director's chair, but the ref stops it. Then Goldust turns the tables, and survives a crotching on the turnbuckle before missing an elbow drop.

Hughes tosses Helmsley the belt, then distracts the referee, while Helmsley kisses Marlena. Goldust nails Helmsley with the belt, but Hughes breaks it up and then Helmsley hits the pedigree for the win.

This match was decent enough I suppose, but it started to go on a bit. A lot of what happened at the end was superfluous, things like Goldust hitting Helmsley with the belt didn't really contribute to the story of the match. Nonetheless it was a good enough opener and I give it 7.4 out of 10

Faarooq vs Ahmed Johnson

This match was soon after Ahmed Johnson returned from injury, and before he had lost his momentum, oddly. The crowd still loved him going into this match, and the Nation, who had now swelled to actually have wrestlers other than Faarooq in it were over as heels. Crush was on the outside during this match, intefering at certain intervals by throwing in a belt to Faarooq.

Faarooq dominates the early part of the match after quelling an early onslaught from Ahmed. As a result, it is quite a dull affair until Johnson lifts Faarooq on his shoulders and then turns a diving corssbody into a powerslam. Johnson looks like he is going to win, until Faarooq has the entire Nation attack Johnson. Johnson clears house and begins to chase after Faarooq. Faarooq gets away, so Johnson nails one of the non wrestling random members of the Nation, eventually hitting a Pearl River Plunge through the French announce table.

I really do like Ahmed Johnson, but little happened in this match, and he wasn't allowed to dominate, which was when he was at his best. It was kept short, and there wasn't too much wrong with it, so I give this match 6.3 out of 10

Vader vs The Undertaker

The match begins with Undertaker's lengthy entrance. Much is made of Cornette's absence. Vader and Taker don't really do anything for ages, then Taker does a couple of slams, then Vader punches him in the balls, then they both lie on the floor for a while. Vader is now in control, and he does a lot of wearing down moves and goes to the second rope a few times. The last time he does it, Taker catches him in a bodyslam, that isn't as good as Johnson's from before.

Vader does a powerbomb, and Taker completely no sells it. He then does an old school follwed by a chokeslam. Paul Bearer appears at ringside, and Undertaker punches him in the face, drags him into the ring, and is about to hit a chokeslam when Vader returns. Taker does a really sloppy clothesline over he top rope, and he is about to do a poety in motion type thing off the ring stairs, when Bearer moves Vader out of the way and then hits Taker with the urn. Vader then hits a Vaderbomb for the win. Taker has rage and he attacks the referee after the match.

Yet another letdown for The Undertaker, where nothing really happened until the end. The match was dull and slow, and neither man really used their typical strengths to their advantage. There were a few good big moves, but it was predominantly sluggish, so I give this 5.2 out of 10

Fuerza Guerrero, Heavy Metal and Jerry Estrada vs Perro Aguayo, El Canek & Hector Garza

The use of foreign stars in the Rumble was common at this time, but here we have an entire match dedicated to Lucha Libre. I imagine it was rooted in the success of the WCW Cruiserweight division that had taken off in 1996.

The thing is, that instead of using young up and comers from Mexico, they used guys like Canek and Perro Aguyao who were 45 and 51 respectively. As a result, the match is a slow, boring and occasionally sloppy. Eventually, the actual young guys in the match like Hector Garza and Heavy Metal get to show their stuff, but then we get 39 year old Estrada in with Canek. Estrada tags in Fuerza Guerrera, 44, and things continue to go slow.

I love lucha libre, but this was a really bad showing by the WWF. Garza and Heavy Metal were good when they were together, but the rest of the people in the match were the wrong side of 39. The WWF, rather than getting AAA's most interesting young wrestlers, got the most world renown, but unfortunately, they were old, slow and sloppy by this stage. Ultimately, the oldest man in the match does a sloppy move, and then pins the youngest man in the match, which is unfortunate.

It seemed like a misguided attempt by the WWF to try and be a bit diverse, but in actuality, this wasn't very good at all, except for the brief showing Garza and Heavy Metal make in the middle of the match. As a result, I can't give this match any more than 5.6 out of 10.

Royal Rumble

The match begins with Crush and Ahmed Johnson, with Crush beating down on Johnson. Next out is not Razor Ramon. Well it is, but it isn't Scott Hall, and whoever it is is booed. Ahmed gets rid of him quickly, which cheers everyone up. It is a 90 second entry gap this year.

Johnson eliminates himself to chase after Faarooq, and Phineas Godwinn comes out next. You know this guy had some unfortunate gimmicks when this isn't his worst. Austin is out next to the kind of entrance that is not what you'd expect of a winner, thans to the clock problems discussed later. Austin eliminates Godwinn, who had already eliminated Crush.

Bart Gunn is next, and he is quickly dispatched. His entry is followed by a fat and out of shape Jake Roberts, who's elimination is shown on the screen as Bulldog makes his appearance. Pierroth, one of the many Mexicans in this event is out next, followed by The Sultan, who is half way between Fatu and Rikishi in the fat stakes. Mil Mascaras is out next, simultaneously being the old timer and foreign star in this match.

Bulldog eliminates The Sultan shortly after Helmsley makes his entrance, but he is thrown out by Owen Hart accidentally, who is out next. Goldust is out next and he appears to have redone his makeup. Another Mexican in Cibernetico is out next, and he goes straight for Masceras. Masceras eliminates Cibernetico and Pierroth, then himself as he jumps after them. Those foreigners don't know the rules do they?!

Soon after this, Goldust eliminates Helmsley, and there is another Mexican in Latin Lover. Goldust throws Owen Hart over, but he stays in and then eliminates Goldust at the second attempt, having botched his initial attempt. Faarooq is out next, and he imediately eliminates Latin Lover until Johnson comes and ***** him with a 2x4 and he is eliminated.

Austin pushes Mero and Hart out, and he ends up on his own again, before Savio Vega makes an appearance, but he too is eliminated before Jesse James, "the real double J" comes out, then goes out, and Austin is on his own again.

Austin is in his element as he is left on his own, but then Bret Hart is out next, much to his chagrin. They battle away, before Lawler enters from the commentary booth, only to be immediately eliminated by Bret Hart. Out next is Big Red Kane Nash, or Diesel, played by Glenn Jacobs, as it actually is. He is followed by Terry Funk, fresh out of retirement. Rocky Maivia is out next. It's weird to see many of The Rock's characteristic mannerisms go down like a lead balloon. Mankind comes out next, and we have 6 men in the ring, all of whom won world titles during their careers, with two more to come, yet it still doesn't quite feel like it has star power. Flash Funk is out next, and he was not a world champion, but he was ECW TV champion a few times.

Vader, who is one of the champions yet to come out, is out next, followed by Henry Godwinn. The ring is then turned pitch black as Undertaker makes his way to the ring, and we have our final 10. Vader throws Flash Funk out of the ring, and The Undertaker then removes Henry Godwinn, which leaves us with 8 past and future world champions in the ring at the same time, which must be some sort of record.

That being said, it isn't that wide open as to who might win. I don't believe anyone thought that Funk, Maivia or Diesel had the slightest of chances, but the other 5 were believable contenders, which was nice. Rocky's out next at the hands of Mankind, and then the chain of events that finish the match start in motion. Mankind eiminates Funk whilst on the apron. Taker boots Mankind out and then Mankind and Funk start brawling outside the ring.

Austin is eliminated by Hart, but the referees don't see it. Austing gets rid of Vader and Taker, whilst Hart removes Diesel and Austin is announced the winner. Diesel was officially third, but this would be his last ever appearance for the company, so he was absent from the final 4 PPV. Anyway, Hart goes apeshit and they review what happened.

All in all, this was a good solid Royal Rumble match, with an innovative ending for the 4th year in a row. The winner was a suprise, and he probably wasn't ready to go forward in all honesty at this stage, which is why he didn't. It was a good match, and every single elimination was noted, and everyone was in for a logical amount of time. It only had one proper story during it in Ahmed and Faarooq, but it ended with a story. The match had little top drawer quality, but it had a lot of solid performances, so I give it a deserved 9.0 out of ten

Shawn Michaels vs Sycho Sid

The match starts off with Michaels getting Sid out of the ring. Sid begins to get a bit of momentum, and puts Michaels in a camel clutch for a minute or so.

Michaels gets out of it, but then Sid does something outside the ring, before getting Michaels in another hold in the middle of the ring. Then a few moves, then a bear hug. Hardly anything at all happens for the first half of this match, and it is just Michaels breaking out of Sid's moves, then walking straight back into them.

Michaels eventually gets a foothold and does a few of his signitures before being thrown out of the ring. Sid powerbombs Michaels outside of the ring, he then whips Michaels into the ref. He hits a chokeslam, but the referee is out. By the time another one gets there, Michaels kicks out. Sid hits the new ref and Michaels hits him with a camera for a two count, then sweet chin music for the win.

This match had a thoroughly entertaining final three minutes, but the result was never really in doubt. Lothario's presence should have been a big deal, but it was entirely ignored for the most part, and Sid is a straight up terrible wrestler. In the end, it wasn't terrible, but ten of the thirteen minutes were absolutely boring, so the match gets a low total of 4.9 out of 10

Production and extras

The match begins with a recap of Shawn's title reign and how he lost it. They're bigging up the fact that he is in San Antonio, and we have some event specific music with a cowboy theme, y'know because this is in Texas.

There's some lasers on show and we see that we have a three man commentary team in Vince McMahon, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. They also show us their Spanish and French announce teams.

Going into the first match, they give a recap of the Goldust and Helmsley feud, in quite a modern manner. Showing us the salient points of the feud so far, and explaining that Goldust was a face now. During the match, we rarely see the three commentators doing much together. It's pretty much Ross and Lawler then McMahon and Lawler, and almost never Ross and McMahon.

Again, throughout the show they have little individual promos for the Rumble, like the old blue screen ones. Bret Hart and Mankind are first, and are characteristically good, especially Mankind. The next one we hear is from Terry Funk, who is quite good. Next is Steve Austin, and he isn't quite as good as he'd later be. Neither is Bulldog very good, and he's the next man we see from.

Before the second match, we get a package explaining the feud between Ahmed and Faarooq, and there's a real sense of professionalism to the way that these segments are produced, which is nice. Following the match, we have an interview with the Faarooq and the Nation where he says that he will destroy Johnson in the Rumble.

Vince McMahon gets a load of their names wrong during the Luchador match, which is a little unfortunate. Throughout the early part of the match, the clock isn't working, which really subtracts from the entrances. It is repaired in time for Bart Gunn's entrance. During the match, the chemistry between Ross and McMahon doesn't improve, and Lawler oversells the fact that he can't remember going in there.

They follow up the Rumble with a video package explaining the story and feud between Sid and Shawn which is different to the one we saw before, and captures the emotion of the match. After the match, Michaels celebrates his win for about a month, with every seemingly single member of his extended family.

All in all, the production was hit and miss. Everything outside the commentary was on the whole a lot better than all that had gone before. There wasn't any big angley type thing, but there was enough in the matches to create new storylines and continues existing ones. The footage of Michaels celebrating went on far too long, when the aftermath of the Rumble only got about twenty seconds. The lacklustre commentary team hurt it too, so I give the production of this event 6.9 out of 10

Overview

At a time when WCW was cutting edge, WWF was suffering from the same problems it was years and years ago. The whole thing was rather stale feeling, and it suffered from a shit card outside of the rumble itself, which was a perennial problem for much of the early days. A commentary team that didn't click, and a whole host of other minor niggles meant that this was a step down from the year before overall, even if the focal point itself was better. All in all, it was apparant why they had to give tickets away for this event.

This event scores 67 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 1998

So, we;ve reached the third boxset, and with it, the Attitude Era. This event was held after the screwjob, but before WWF started pulling back the ratings war, so it should be interesting.

The Artist formely known as Goldust vs Vader

Another year, another Goldust match. Well, not quite because he's ditched Marlena, started wearing various costumes and turned heel. Vader is a face and on the wane, and Goldust is wearng a stripy bodysuit, with some sort of G-string over the top of it.

Vader throws the steps on Goldust, which isn't a DQ in these days. Luna Vachon is outside the ring and does classic heelish things, but Vader manages to overcome most of it. Vader is certainly slower than he used to be, but is still better than the vast majority of superheavyweights in their primes.

Vader builds momentum, but he is given a low blow by Goldust when he attempts a Vaderbomb. Vader hits a load of clotheslines, and he sits on Goldust during a sunset flip attempt. He then deliveres a Vaderbomb, with Luna on his back, which was quite a nice finish.

A nice, short opening, and I give it 7.4 out of ten

Battalion, Tarantula & El Tonito vs Max Mini, Nova & Mosaic (Special Referee: Sunny)

Sunny comes out first, doing the sex sells angle. Then the two teams of midget wrestlers from Mexico come in. A lot of people justifiably hatye Hornswoggle because he wrestles against full sized people and it looks ridiculous.

This on the other hand is a legitimate kind of Mexican competition. It doesn't really get the audience out of their seats, but no match between 6 non-WWF competitors would. They do a lot of entertaining offence, which is ultimately what matters.

If you like Lucha Libre, then you'll probably like this. There are some fairly big names in the ring, albeit having been given US-friendly names. Sunny starts getting involved later on when she lifts Max Mini up, which is probably the only cheesy part of the match really. The rest of it is some entertaining, spotty, lucha style wrestling. It probably went on too long, but I enjoyed it, and I'm going to give it 7.5 out of 10.

The Rock vs Ken Shamrock (Intercontinental Championship)

Before this match begins, I am expecting good things. Shamrock is criminally underrated in my opinion, and the crowd really did hate The Rock at this time. There is a Rock promo before the match begins, which goes down beautifully.

Shamrock and Rock go back and forth early in the match. Shamrock gets a few moves in here and there, but Rock usually does something heelish to get back into it.

Shamrock goes apeshit after a while, hitting a powerslam and a hurricanrana. Then the Nation run in, and D'lo gets hung up in the ropes. The Rock uses brass knucks, but then puts them in Shamrock's shorts. Shamrock still manages to kick out. Shamrock hits a suplex as the referee goes back to D'lo. He gets the win, but the Rock tells the referee that Shamrock used the knucks, causing an Eddie Guerrero style DQ victory for The Rock.

After the decision, Shamrock goes apeshit and puts the referee in the ankle lock. Shamrock's lock looks better than Angle's, true story. The ending was cool, but as Shamrock was wearing MMA gloves, the referee probably should have noticed that. Nonetheless, it was a very good match, and probably could have gone on a bit longer. I give it 8.4 out of 10

New Age Outlaws vs Legion of Doom (WWF Tag Team Championship)

The Outlaws come out wearing Brett Favre Green Bay Packers jerseys, as the Packers had beaten the 49ers, the team of the fans.

The match begins with L.O.D. in control, and they do a lot of power moces on both Road Dogg and Billy Gunn. The momentum shifts and then the pace of the match slows down immensely, before Road Dogg handcuffs Hawk to the turnbuckle.

However, Animal is more than holding his own in the ring, hitting Billy Gunn with a powerslam, but the pin is broken up by a chairshot from Road Dogg. They then continue to beat down on the fallen Animal with a chair, until Hawk breaks the handcuffs and goes apeshit on the Outlaws.

This match was ok, but very little happened in it. It could have been a lot worse, but in actuality, there wasn't much to write home about. I give this match 6.0 out of 10

Royal Rumble

The first two out are Cactus Jack and Chainsaw Charlie, and they begin by sadistically hitting each other with chairs. Tom Brandi, remember him?, is out next, but Funk and Foley eliminate him immediately. It was 90 second entries again in 1998, and The Rock is out next, and immediately. The Rock and Foley ended this year fighting for the World Title, but they began it with Foley hitting a bin that was over The Rock's head with a chair.

Anyway, Mosh is out next, and he is wearing a skirt. Still, it's better than being Beaver Cleavage. Terry Funk rolls back the years and hits a moonsault shortly before Phineas Godwinn. That's right, Naked Mideon and Beaver Cleavage in the ring at the same time. 8-Ball of DoA is out next, followed by Bradshaw, who definitely wasn't championship material at this stage.

In the mean time, Cactus JAck has been eliminated. Owen Hart is out next, but he is immediately attacked by Jeff Jarrett and Jim Cornette, who were booked as NWA invaders at this point. Out next is Steve Blackman, charisma master extrodinaire, followed by D'Lo Brown. The ring is really filling up, but Kurrgan is out next, and he gets rid of Mosh before Marvellous Mark Mero turns up. Although, Kurrgan quickly reduces the numbers again by throwing Steve Blackman over the top.

Shamrock is out next, and he attacks Kurrgan. A load of guys then join forces to get rid of Kurrgan. Thrasher is out next. Unlike Mosh, he never had a worse gimmick than this. Foley gets his second entry of the match, this time as Mankind, and gets rid of Chainsaw Charlie. Mankind is next to go, eliminated by the next new entrant Goldust. Jarrett comes out next, but it isn't long before Owen Hart finally makes it to the ring and eliminates Jeff Jarrett.

The token old school guy for this year is Honky Tonk Man, and he is followed to the ring by Chyna and HHH, who eliminate Owen Hart by hitting him with HHH's crutches. As a result, Ken Shamrock's elimination is missed, but we do see him walk in front of the camera, and his elimination is later repeated following Ahmed Johnson's entrance. Johnson is by now a shell of the pushed man from last year, thanks to another long term injury. Mark Henry comes out next, followed by nobody. It was supposed to be Skull, but his absence due to being mistaken for Austin meant he didn't come. This gave a bit of tension to Austin's elimination.

Meanwhile, back in the ring, Johnson and Phineas Godwinn are eliminated. Kama comes out next, followed by Austin. Everyone stops fighting when Austin's music hits, but he comes from behind, and eliminates Marc Mero and 8-ball immediately. Henry Godwinn and Savio Vega come in next. Vega is followed by the rest of Los Boricuas, but Austin dispatches them quickly.

He is followed by Faarooq, who immediately goes after the other Nation member, which signalled his leaving of the group. Austin and Rock fight on the outside, but neither were eliminated. Foley is in next, as Dude Love and immediately eliminates Bradshaw. There are so many people in the ring by the time Chainz at 29 and Vader gets there, it's untrue. It becomes a bit of a clusterfuck, and D'lo's elimination is missed.

However, Vader starts to clean up. He gets rid of Honky Tonk Man, and then Austin gets rid of Thrasher, Kama and then Savio in quick succession. Goldust gets rid of Vader, we miss Godwinn's elimination, and then Chainz gets rid of Goldust, before Austin dispatches him and Faarooq throws Henry out. The final four is Dude Love, Faarooq, Rock and Austin. Love goes first, then the Rock accidentally gets rid of Faarooq before Austin eliminates Rock after a stunner.

This match wasn't as good as the year before. It was quite obvious Austin was going to win this year, as the build was all about him, and there wasn't really anyone who had a chance except maybe The Rock, but even that seemed unlikely. It was overfull at times, and as a result we started to miss a few eliminations towards the end. Nevertheless, it was quite entertaining for the most part, and had a much more modern feel than some of the older ones. It wasn't bad, but it was a big letdown on the match from the year before. Still, it was innovative at times, with Foley's three entrances and so on, so I give it 7.3 out of 10

Shawn Michaels vs The Undertaker (WWF Championship)

This match was such a turning point in the direction of the WWF, it is untrue. Early on, Michaels gets back bodied out of the ring, onto the casket, and that was it for him for four years. Actually, not quite, because he actually continues the match, with Undertaker dominating for quite a while, until Michaels throws dust or something out of the casket into Taker's eyes.

He then dominates for a while before piledriving Taker onto the steel steps. Then he and HHH give Taker shots with chairs and crutches for a while and the pace of the match slows down until Michaels attempts to put Taker in the casket.

The match then continues with a lot of near misses etc, which I shan't go into in great detail. Suffice to say, there were a lot of good spots, the most entertaining of which was what should have been the finish when Undertaker tombstoned Michaels into the casket.

Michaels is about to lose, when the world and his wife come in and attack the Undertaker in an unfortunate reprise of the 1994 title match. However, this time it doesn't last very long. Kane comes out, and beats them all up, then he attacks the Undertaker. He puts Taker in the casket, and Michaels, who has been rescued by HHH and Chyna, closes it for the win. What happens next appears later.

This match was good, brilliant considering one of the participants broke his back in the first five minutes. It had everything that a title fight should have, and the interference was proportionate and relevant. I think this match was really good, and is often overlooked because it isn't as good as their fight at heel in a cell. I give it 9.2 out of 10

Production and Extras

We begin with the usual bigging up of WWF, followed by a good pyrotechnics show to start the event proper. We're introduced to the three announce teams, and we shall be focussing on the English one of JR and King for obvious reasons. They have their characteristic chemistry, but without the staleness. King was on form with his one liners, because he hadn't used up all the good ones at this stage.

The arena set up is somewhere in between the old time and the present day. Some logos are the scratch one, but most are the New Generation era one. The matsaround the ring are now black, but the barriers are still the old style metal ones, except that they are black.

The show focusses on two things predominantly, the first is Tyson's presence in the audience. The second is that everyone on the roster hates Austin. Each match though, is given its own explanation, with video highlights. Austin is attacked by the Nation, DoA and Los Boricuas during the evening, except none of them actually find him.

The event sees the Rumble debut of Michael Cole as a backstage interviewer, interviewing first Steve Austin and then The Rock, which is obviously a good thing. Also interviewed are L.O.D. and Mike Tyson who thinks, and I quote, that "Cold Stone is intense".

The event ends with Kane and Paul Bearer locking Undertaker in a casket and setting it on fire. This was obviously pretty intense, and it set up their WrestleMania feud nicely.

All in all, there was some good production throghout the event. Every match was given due attention to its storyline and the commentary and production values were good. There was perhaps a little too much focus on Austin, which made the otucome of the Rumble obvious, but it was othertime very good. I'd give the production of this event a healthy 8.5 out of 10

Overview

This is when the WWF started to fight back in the Monday Night Wars. 1998 is the year when the WWF finally broke WCW's streak, and it was because of events set in motion at this event. The Rock was on his way up and abut to take over The Nation, Austin was about to face Michaels overseen by Tyson, and Kane and The Undertaker symbolised the kind of compelling storylines that WWF began to churn out at this stage. The foreign stars were used far better than in previous years, and the only let down was a relative lack of star power across the company following Hart's departure.

I give this event 78 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 1999

I had intended to watch this PPV, which was made in the midst of the WWF's most successful heyday, and my own fondest era of wrestling after work today. Instead, my girlfriend's piece of shit laptop has such a slow wireless connection, it took me 5 hours to watch the two and a half hours that was TNA Genesis.

Anyway, this PPV should be a good 'un, on a personal level anyway.

Road Dogg vs Big Boss Man

Fuck me, how over was Road Dogg? A lot, if you weren't watching wrestling at this time. Bossman is a lot lighter since the last time we saw him back in about 1992 or so. The match begins with some taunting, and Road Dogg geeing up the crowd.

Bossman gets the edge early on, until Boss Man does a splash into the turnbuckle. It's then back and forth for a while, until Boss Man gets a bit of a roll on. He taunts the crowd and puts Dogg in a bearhug, and then continues to dominate. Until Road Dogg manages to get back into it after Boss Man goes to the top. He does a few signatures, but Boss Man gets a sidewalk slam from nowhere and the win. All in all, a good opener that got the crowd going for the rest of the event, and I give it 7.7 out of 10

Billy Gunn vs Ken Shamrock (Intercontinental Championship)

The match begins with an explanation that Billy Gunn was nursing an ankle injury that he got at the hands of Shamrock. The match starts with quite a nice pace, and then Shamrock takes control, until Billy Gunn forces Shamrock's head into the announce table.

However, it doens't last long as Shamrock starts working on Billy's ankle. This goes on for a while, until the referee gets knocked out and then Venis makes a run in an DDTs Shamrock. Gunn starts to build momentum, but he jumps of the turnbuckle and lands on his ankle, which Shamrock puts into a lock for the win. A more than entertaining match, with a well planned finish. It's rare for a high risk move to actually be risky in this sense. Another solid match, gets another solid score of 7.4 out of 10

Gangrel vs X-Pac

No word of a lie, The Brood and X-Pac were my two favourite wrestling entities at this point in time. I wonder if they stand the Tasty test of time. This is a high paced affair, with both men being very mobile. X-Pac, as ever, is a kicking sensation, and with Gangrel doing suprisingly a lot of flying moves. It doesn't really last very long, and there is a controversial three count that Gangrel gets, but then doesn't. This is followed up by an X-Factor and another title retention. This was a match that I really enjoyed, but it's shortness means I can't give it any more than 7.5 out of 10

Sable vs Luna Vachon (Women's title strap match)

The match begins with Shane saying that Luna is going to be the new champion as Sable should be handing the title back following her beating by Luna during heat. Sable comes out and says ring the bell.

Sable whips Luna with the belt a few times then there are a few moves focussing on Sable's back from luna, followed by Luna wrapping Sable in the belt. She starts walking around the ring tapping the corners, but Sable touches all three too. Tori punches Luna and then Sable gets the final touch.

Another really short one, but I think that this was probably the first time that we saw such an end to a strap match. Sable wins a short, and reasonably passable match. Based mostly on its ending, and the fact that they kept it really short, I give this match a total of 6.1 out of 10

Mankind vs The Rock (I quit match for the WWF Championship)

The match starts with Mankind in control and The Rock getting hit with microphones etc. Foley asks him to quit a few times and then Rock tells him to kiss his arse. This is followed up with the mandible claw, and then they go to the stands. The rock hits a slam and then takes control.

There's a bit of a botch with the Spanish announce table collapsing before the Rock manages to hit the Rock bottom, then they fight up the entrance ramp, with Foley in control. Rock then gets in control, thanks to strategic ladder use, and then The Rock climbs the ladder up to the tiered audience.

The Rock then throws Mankind into the electrical area and then he begins to continue to beat Foley. He drags him down to the ring and then handcuffs him behind his back and repeatedly beats him. Mankind hits a low blow and starts kicking The Rock and then knees him in the bollocks. Nice.

The beatdown continues then the Rock gets back into it and The Rock hits a corporate elbow onto a chair onto Foley's face. Foley still won't quit, and then come the infamous 11 chair shots that Foly wrote of in his book. The Rock puts the microphone by Mankind, who quits even though it was clearly a recording. The Rock wins a brutal match that I think was really good, but had long points of inaction, but it is still good for 8.2 out of 10

Royal Rumble

The match begins with Austin and McMahon, as was hyped forever before hand. This year was another 90 second entry times. But that is irrelevant as we begin with Mr McRoids and Austin lock up. Austin repeatedly punches and stomps mudholes in McMahon, before slamming him and then stamps on his balls. Austin is about to throw McMahon over, but he stops.

Golga is out at number three and he goes for Austin, but Austin quickly gets rid of him. McMahon goes under the bottom rope, and Austin follows him through the crowd. Someone has a sign that says "McMahon is on juice". No shit. Anyway, he lures Austin to the ladies toilet and the corporation beat him up.

Meanwhile, Droz is in the ring on his own, until Edge comes in at a million miles an hour. He's followed by Gillberg, who is immediately dispatched, whilst Austin is shownout cold in the toilets. Blackman comes out next and we see Austin being loaded onto a stretcher. After Dan Severn enters, we see Austin being taken out of the arena on a stretcher. By now it is obvious that Austin's leaving, so they could have done without showing yet another ambulance shot as Tiger Ali Singh makes his way out.

Finally, we get to see a guy actually enter when the Blue Meanie makes his way down to the ring, followed by Mabel, who beats Mosh up in order to get a spot. They play Mabel's music, for some reason, and then he eliminates everyone except for Edge, who was down on the ground, and who has a fracas with Road Dogg before Road Dogg throws him out. Then lights go out and The Acolytes and Mideon come and eliminate Mideon, who gets sacrificed to bcome Viscera later on at the hands of The Undertaker.

Road Dogg is left in the ring on his own, until Gangrel comes out, but Road Dogg gets rid of him quickly and is on his own again. Kurrgan comes out next, and he is followed by Al Snow, who is eliminated pretty quickly by Road Dogg. Kurrgan and Road Dogg are joined by Goldust before long, and then after that by The Godfather. Pimpin' Ain't Easy, and his hos aren't allowed to the ring. However, next out is Kane who gets rid of all of them and then eliminates himself running after men in white coats.

So, Shamrock comes out next and McMahon makes his return. However, he goes and sits on commentary and for the third time in the match, we have a guy on his own in the ring in Ken Shamrock. His entry is followed by Billy Gunn who only has one shoe on due to his ankle injury. Test is out next, and during his entrance we see Mabel getting put in the back of a hearse. Meanwhile, Austin returns in an ambulance. He comes out during Boss Man's entrance and chases Vince, but he got caught in the ring by Shamrock. Austin eliminates Shamrock, but gets bogged down with Boss Man in the ring while Billy Gunn and Test duke it out in the corner before HHH comes in, followed by Val Venis. Austin eliminates the lame Billy Gunn, and the match continues.

X-Pac is in next, and Austin goes under the bottom rope, but he goes straight back in the ring before Mark Henry enters, followed by Jeff Jarrett and D'Lo Brown. His entry is followed by Austin's eliminations of Test, Boss Man's of X-Pac nd HHH's of Jeff Jarrett. Owen Hart enters, and Austin leaves the ring, and throws a jug of water on McMahon, before returning to the ring. Finally, Chyna makes her way out to the ring and eliminates Mark Henry pretty quickly, which makes the crowd go apeshit. Hoever, Austin eliminates her just as quickly.

Everyone tries to eliminate Austin for the money, but HHH throws Venis out and then Austin stunners and eliminates HHH. By now, Austin, Brown, Hart and Boss Man are left, and it becomes obvious where it is going, but they still drag it out. Eventually, Austin throws Hart out, and then Brown is eliminated by Boss Man, who gets thrown out.

Austin demands that McMahon gets back in the ring and McMahon hits him with the headphones. Austin goes into the crowd and everyone touches his head. He finally hits McMahon in the head with a chair and then rolls him in the ring. The Rock comes out and berates Austin after McMahon has low blowed him and then been given the stunner. While The Rock is shouting at him, McMahon tips Austin over the top rope and wins.

This match was a strange one. Simultaneously brilliant and bad at the same time. The first ten guys were hardly featured, and by the time HHH went out, it became completely obvious that it'd be McMahon and Austin in the last two. Still, the story of the match was huge, and I give the match a totalof 7.5 out of 10



Production and Extras

We begin with a montage explaining that Austin has no chance in hell of winning, and that McMahon is number two. Anyone who eliminates Austin will get a $100,000 bounty. We also hear that Chyna is number 30 from Jerry Lawler and his co-commentator the thin, enthusiastic Michael Cole. Shane joined them during the womens match and Vince comes out during the Royal Rumble.

Before the Intercontinental Championship match, we get a video package. After it we get a shot inside the Corporation locker room as Vince is preparing.

We get explanation packages before each of the next few matches except the European title match. We also get a Kevin Kelly interview with DX, and then one with the Rock and Doc Hendrix. I wish it was the other way around, Kelly brought the best out in The Rock.

There wasn't really much else to say about this aspect of the event. It ws just everything it needed to be and nothing more. Cole and Lawler were about a million times better than they are now in their present lazy states, but they weren't a patch on some earlier teams. The interviews were OK, but even the Rock wasn't brilliant, and we ended with a highlights package, which again was nothing particularly special, so I give the production of this event 7.0 out of 10.

Overview

Consistent, that's what I'd call this. Nothing about the event was particularly good, and the main event struggled at times to keep its relevance when it was obvious all along who'd be there in the end. I've seen better Rumble events and matches, and I think not giving the undercard matches enough time to properly get moving was a bit unfortunate. Still, not at all bad and very enjoyable

I give this event 74 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 2000

If 1998 was the year WWF started fighting back, and 1999 was the year when they took the lead, then 2000 was the year the war was won. A week after this event aired, the Radicalz appeared on Raw. Without further ado, lets see if the PPV quality had anything to do with WWF's rise.

Kurt Angle vs Mystery Opponent

Before the match Kurt Angle says a load of heelish things. Kurt Angle's voice is unbelievably higher compared to nowadays. The opponent makes his way out, and in the worst kept secret of all time, it's Tazz. The match begins with a lot of suplexes as you'd expect.

Tazz then puts Angle in a chokehold, and wins decisively. It was a good match, but at three minutes long, it was disappointingly short. I wish it was longer, because it could have been a classic. Still, what there was of it was a treat, so it gets 6.5 out of 10

The Dudley Boyz vs The Hardy Boyz (Tag Team Tables Match)

Following in the wake of the Terri invitational ladder match that the Hardys won, we see another prelude to the matches that would follow. Perhaps inevitibly, The Hardys get ladders out early on, and they jump off a table and the ring onto Bubba Ray and they get the first breakage.

They set up another, and the HArdys jump through tables after Dudleys moved out of the way. It doesn't count though, as they weren't offensive manouvers. However, Matt Hardy gets powerbombed through a table sonn enough and it's 1-1 in terms of eliminations.

Bubba Gets thrown through another table, before Jeff Hardy hits a senton off a balcony onto D-Von for the win. It was short, it was spotty and it wasn't anywhere near as good as what these teams would do later, but it was still very entertaining and it was the second piece in the puzzle that lead us to TLC. I give it 8.2 out of 10

First Ever Miss Rumble Swimsuit Contest

We are introduced to the judges, the MC Jerry Lawler, followed by the contestants Ivory, Terri, Jacquelin, B.B., Luna and Mrs Jerry "The Kat" Lawler.

They then take their tops off and we see them in their incredibly revealing swimsuits. After The Kat's flashing escapade at Armageddon, I think we were expecting more of the same. King makes some sexist remarks as people show themselves off, and then The Kat reveals herself to be wearing a bubble wrap bikini.

She's about to win, when Mae Young comes out in a robe. She takes off to reveal a swimsuit and a complete lack of dignity. Following that, she shows the audience her tits. Not really, but they present it as that. Anyway, it ends, and is the epitome of what was wrong with the Attitude Era. It was cheap and pointless, and longer than all but two of the matches. Not very good at all, but The Kat was fit and Lawler was funny in a chauvinistic manner, so I'll give it 3.2 out of 10

Hardcore Holly vs Chyna vs Chris Jericho (Intercontinental Championship)

This started off fast, and it does the thing that makes triple threats good, they actually have a three way match. There's a lot of cool spots throughout the match, including Chyna suplexing Holly off the top, and then attempting the Walls of Jericho on them, until Jericho wins with a lionsault. I haven't written much about it because it was captivating, which is a good thing. The match also served to help Jericho and Chyna's respect storyline, which was good. Thoroughly enjoyable, just wish it was a bit longer and I give it 8.6 out of 10

The New Age Outlaws vs The Acolytes

The Acolytes start off in firm control of the match, nailing both Outlaws. The Referee gets taken out and then X-Pac nails the Acolytes. Billy Gunn hits a fameasser and they win. It's as quick and as shit as that. Again, it had the makings of a good match, but we got an incredibly short affair that acheived little. I feel I'm being generous for giving it the score I'm about to, but it started well, just ended poorly. I give it 5.4 out of 10

Triple H vs Cactus Jack (Street Fight for WWF Championship)

Just over an hour into the event, there is only two matches left. That should say something about the shortness of the card. Anyway, we start off with Jack taking it to the outside, ramming HHH's head into the bell. They go into the ring, and Triple H hits him with a chair. Jack is unaffected and hits a drop onto the chair on HHH's head later on.

They then go into the crowd, which fortunately doesn't last long and they find themselves in some sort of artificial alley. They beat down on each other in the alley, and Foley gets into the driving seat. He takes HHH down to the ring, and he is out of it. He gets a 2x4 wrapped with barbed wire from under the ring. Tables, I get. Chairs, I get. Ladders, I get. What purpose could the ring crew possible have for a barbed wire wrapped 2x4?

Anyway, HHH gets the wood and hits Foley with it loads of times, before Foley gets it back and gets a nearfall which the ref misses. The wire ends up by the spanish announce table, and then Foley gets it back, nailing HHH in the face multiple times, but the referee was knocked down and so the count was slow.

The onslaught continues, and Foley is about to hit a piledriver through the table, but HHH back body drops him through it instead. Still, Jack continues to dominate in what is a completely brutal match up. HHH finally takes over and he begins to beat Jack with a chair as they go back to the alley. The Rock turns the tide back in Foley's favour when he hits HHH with a chair, and Foley returns to the ring and gets the thumbtacks out. Stephanie reappears, and Foley is back body dropped into the tacks. HHH then hits the pedigree, but Jack kicks out. He hits another onto the thumbtacks for the win.

This is one of the most brutal matches that the WWE has ever put on, and unlike most Foley matches, HHH took his fair shair of the beating too. It did get a little slow towards the end, albeit understandably, but this was still a great match up. I score it 8.5 out of 10

Royal Rumble

We start with D'Lo Brown and Grandmaster Sexay, and we're told that it will be 90 seconds between each entrant. Mosh is out next in the most ridiculous costume of all time. Kaientai come out next, because they're foreign don't realise what the rules are do they? And with that we add xenophobia to the chauvinism of before. Christian comes out next, and the ring is bereft of star power. That is, until the next entrant, Rikishi comes out. Not really a star, but he is a fat cunt, and he eliminates everyone except Sexay pretty much straight away.

Sexay tries to avoid being eliminated, until Scotty 2 Hotty comes out and they get Rikishi to dance with them. Until he throws them both over the top rope, obviously. There is absolutely no way that he was going to be the guy that ran Stone Cold over three months previously at this stage in his career. He dances solo, until Steve Blackman comes out. Blackman fights him for a while, but then he gets thrown out next.

The next entrant is Viscera, who is also a fat bastard. They fight for a bit and then Boss man comes out. Boss Man refuses to get in the ring, which is fair enough, to be honest, because why would anyone do that having seen Rikishi's dominance. They get a veteran to do this, and it is a good idea. Test is in next, and he fights with Boss Man and then throws him in the ring.

The British Bulldog comes out next, to the worst entrance music of all time. This is 10 years ago, and 3 of the 4 people in the match are dead. Gangrel comes out next, followed by Kaientai, who get nailed again. Hilarious. Of course, the irony being that Funaki is one of 2 people out of the first 14 featured still in a job. This streak is broken as Edge is out next, to rapturous applause. Will history repeat itself this year? Mayhaps.

After missing the old timer last year, they bring it back, and the entrant for this year was Bob Backlund. Shortly after his arrival, everyone works together to get rid of Rikishi, thanking him for carrying the first half of this match. Jericho is out next, and he goes straight for Edge, before eliminating Bob Backlund.

Team Dead gets a boost as Crash Holly is out next. Edge slaps him on the arse a bit, but his entry is otherwise uneventful. Chyna is out next, eliminating Jericho before being eliminated by Boss Man. Now we have 6 men, and four of them are dead. This fact is ruined by Faarooq's entrance, but the Mean Street Posse come in and restore the balance by beating him up, allowing Boss Man to eliminate him. Road Dogg's entrance is more long term, and he is out next.

Al Snow is next, and his entry is followed by Bulldog's elimination. TNA's finest and serial peeping tom Val Venis is out next, followed by Prince Albert. As soon as Albert reaches the ring, Edge is eliminated. Hardcore Holly comes out next, but we're far more interested in The Rock, who immediately eliminates the Big Boss Man, and is followed to the ring by Billy Gunn. The Rock then eliminates his pick to win in Crash Holly. Big Show is out next, and he gets rid of Test and Gangrel immediately. Bradshaw comes out and the Posse come and try and beat him down. They are unsuccessful, but the Outlaws eliminate him soon afterwards.

The third man with a realistic chance of winning, Kane, comes out next, and gets rid of Venis, Albert, and then Hardcore Holly. Big Show throws The Godfather and then The Rock eliminates Al Snow. Billy Gunn throws his partner out and then goes out himself, and we have our final four of X-Pac, Kane, Big Show and The Rock.

Somehow, X-Pac, who has done and Austin circa 1997, eliminates Kane, but Show tosses him over the top and we're left with Show and Rock. Rock hits the people's elbow, but he can't get Show out. He gets a chokeslam then, Show throws him over the top, but The Rock holds onand gets Show out, in a clever end, especially given the subsequent feud.

A solid Rumble, if not a great one. My only real issue with it is that they saved all the people that were likely to do anything until the end. However, there was little else wrong, and I give it 7.5 out of 10

Production and Extras

We begin with a package about Mick Foley and HHH, then we hear from our commentators JR and Jerry Lawler. After the first match, we see Michael Cole where he belongs, doing interviews. He's interviewing the Hardys and Terri Runnels, who isn't as fit as she used to be. This is followed up by The Dudleys coming out to the ring for their match and delivering a good heel promo.

We go backstage, and Kurt Angle is woozy and doesn't really know what happened to him. Later we see Coachman in New York, followed by a segment showing the combined Intercontinental Champions Chyna and Jericho.

It should be said that the arena design for this event was really good. We see a classic Rock promo, where he says he is worried by Crash Holly and Mosh, before berating Big Show.

We see are first explanatory highlights package before the tag team title match. This is followed by a very comprehensive one for the world title match. After that match, Jack ***** HHH with the barbed wire to continue the feud. This is followed by a wholly dull Coach interview with Linda McMahon.

We finish the event with The Rock cutting a promo, but then being nailed by Show.

All in all, the production of this event was good, but the timekeeping was terrible. Attrocious, you really shouldn't have two minute matches on PPV, there's absolutely no point. Faarooq competed in two matches and was present in the ring for a total of less than three minutes. As a result, I can't give the production, which was otherwise great, anything more than 6.7 out of 10

Overview

This event was a tale of two shitties. What I mean by that is they took a great card and ruined it by having an overlong crappy divas segment. If they got rid of that or made it five minutes, and got rid of the Acolytes match and gave the time to the triple threat and Angle vs Tazz, you have the makings of a sublime PPV. Instead, we get a slightly above average one, that could have been much better.

I give this event 70 out of 100.

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 2001

When they had the decade awards, I said that this was the PPV of the decade. Moreso because it was the first thing that came to my head that wasn't a cliche than for any other reason, but I still have strong recollections of it being good. Anyway, here we go.

The Dudley Boyz vs Edge and Christian (WWF Tag Team Championship)

A lot is said about these two teams never having good non-gimmick matches, but I'd hesitate to disagree with that, it's jus that their gimmick matches were absolutely sublime.

This one starts out fast and back and forth with both teams doing quick tags until D-Von gets hit with a sucker punch. Edge and Christian do the same kind of shit heel teams always do, but we fortunately see few slow holds, and those we do see don't last very long.

D-Von catapults Edge into Christian who's on the turnbuckle and then makes the tag, but the ref doesn't see it. They eventually get a hot tag after aq failed conchairto, but rather than the usual clotheslines, we see actual moves from Bubba.

There's then a wassup, followed by an innovative break out from a 3D as Edge spears Bubba Ray. The Dudleys get there in the end after they reverse a Wassup that Edge was going to do on them. I don't care if these matches were spotty and rehearsed, it doesn't matter, they were still the most innovative tag team matches of all time, and I give this match 8.8 out of 10

Chris Jericho vs Chris Benoit (Ladder match for the WWF Intercontinental Championship)

The match starts ferociously, with Benoit repeatedly going after Jericho's injured arm. Benoit takes control after a missed springboard dropkick, and after he whips Jericho into the steps. However, Jericho takes control after using the ladder to get back into it. The tables turn again repeatedly, and then we see Benoit fly head first into a steel chair. I'm sure I've said it before, but everytime I see him getting hit in the head, I do cringe a little.

Anyway, he gets into it again somehow, probably roid rage, and he throws and then gets thrown into the ladder several times. They climb the ladder while it's in the corner, and they both fall with the ladder to the canvas. There is a lot of toing and froing and I like that. A ladder match is supposed to be about high risk and innovation and one guy doing rest holds in front of a ladder isn't an example of that. Neither though, is it two men wrestling a ladder. The ladder is always used in context, and there is some cool spots, like when Benoit suplexes Jericho out of the ring, that don't involve the ladder at all.

The ones that do involve the ladder are excellent though. Jericho gets Benoit in a horizontal Walls of Jericho on top of the ladder, and later we see Benoit pull Jericho off the ladder straight into the crossface. Later, he hits the diving headbutt straight onto the canvas, but stays in it after pushing the ladder over. As he is climbing the ladder, Jericho comes in a hits him with a chair, before pushing him straight out of the ring, off the ladder.

The thing that makes a ladder match good, in my opinion, isn't the bumps, because you are guaranteed that, but instead the innovation. The suicide dive into the chair was an example of that, as was the falling ladder from the corner and the Walls ontop of the ladder. As a big fan of ladder matches, I would say this ranks amongst the best. Innovative, flowing and clever, and a distinct lack of botches, which is rare. Therefore, I give this match 9.4 out of 10

Ivory vs Chyna (WWF Women's Championship)

Chyna may look like a man, but she did manage to change the way that matches were fought. Ivory was also a very good worker. The story going into this match was compelling, and the way that it panned out was both believable and clever. Chyna dominated the whole match, but then she collapsed during a handspring back elbow, and reinjured her neck, losing the match.

It wasn't a long match at all, but that didn't matter as a) it was a Divas event and b) the reason that it was short made sense and was well executed. As a result, I give this match 7.4 out of 10

Triple H vs Kurt Angle (WWF Championship)

The match begins at quite a nice pace with Angle on top. He lowers his strap pretty early on as Steph and Trish are outside the ring. That's not why he did it, it's two observations in one sentence. Anyway, HHH gets in control, and begins to dominate proceedings, whipping Angle into the fence, a few times, before putting him back into the ring.

They go at it for ages, with the momentum changing frequently. Stephanie distracts the referee while HHH hits Angle with a chair. HHH then begins to dominate for a long time, focussing on Angle's left knee. I've realised during the course of this match that this was probably the last time two heels faced off for a World title on PPV.

After a while, HHH gets Angle into a hold, and he keeps him there until Trish and Stephanie start brawling outside the ring. Vince tries to split them up to no avail, until he puts Trish over his shoulder and walks off, but they still end up fighting. Eventually he gets them out of the arena while Triple H watches on. Angle gets him in a cradle, but only for a two count.

It keeps going with HHH relentlessly beating down on Kurt Angle, until an accidental bollock shot puts Angle back ontop, followed by a characteristically brilliant moonsault from Angle. The ref goes down next, and then Angle hits an arm drag off the top rope, but there's no ref to do the count.

HHH hits a pedigree, but then Stone Cold comes running out and hits HHH with the belt. He puts the referee back in the ring, then he stunners HHH and then Angle covers HHH for the slowest three count in history. Angle wins.

All in all, this was a very entertaining title match, and a clear example that heel vs heel can work, so long as they are different kinds of heel. Anyway, Angle comes out on top of a very solid match. I only wish that the Trish and Steph bitch fight didn't take two or three minutes to get over and done with. I give this match 8.2 out of 10

Royal Rumble

We begin with Jeff Hardy and Bull Buchanen. We find out that there are entries every 2 minutes this time, we're also told that Rikishi will be number 30. Matt Hardy is out next, and Bull Buchanen is quickly removed. The Hardys then begin to fight, until Faarooq comes out and the Hardys attack him before getting rid of him. The Hardys continue to fight as Drew Carey comes out.

He waits outside the ring, and the Hardys eliminate each other, and Carey is left on his own. However, the countdown begins and Kane comes out. The look on Carey's face is priceless, and the comedy segment that happens next with Carey trying to to avoid Kane is genuinely funny, or at least it was when I was 13. Fortunately for Carey, Raven comes and saves the day and Carey eliminates himself. His appearance was justified, as it was short, nobody looked any the worse for it, and it was quite funny.

Raven gets a load of weapons and Ravengets taken out by Al Snow, and we have the first suprise entrant, as Snow had been out for a while at the hands of Raven. Snow gets a bowing ball, hits Kane with it and then bowls it into Raven's bollocks. Snow and Raven start hitting Kane with bins but he doesn't go down, and then we get another hardcore wrestler in Perry Saturn. The three of them go after Kane, and then Blackman comes out, completing this hardcore quartet. And then Grandmaster Sexay comes out to make it a quintet. Everyone has gone after Kane, but they have failed to get anywhere with it.

Eventually, Kane has had enough and he gets a bin and hits everyone and then eliminates everyone from the match. At this point, the hardcore section of the match is over, and we get this year's first old timer in the Honky Tonk Man. He sings his entrance music, until Kane ***** him with the guitar, then eliminates him, ending the musical interlude. Almost immediately, we have our next entrant, and its The Rock.

The Rock and Kane go after each other for a while, with Kane having the upper hand. The Goodfather comes out next, but he is immediately eliminated by The Rock, and we go back to an entertaining duel between Kane and The Rock, until Tazz comes out. However, he doesn't last very long, as Kane puts him on the top rope and gets rid of him immediately.

Bradshaw comes out next, and nails both of them, suggesting that he was a bigger deal than I remember at this point. However, Kane gets into control, and the three of them are joined by Albert, Hardcore Holly and K-Kwik, and we have a more traditional Rumble type match with people near the ropes trying to stop themselves from going over. Val Venis, William Regal and Test then join the fray as the numbers build in this traditional setting. Nothing great is happening, but there's a lot of near misses, including some for The Rock, which has the crowd getting into it. Test eliminates Regal as soon as he comes in,and we keep the managable number of 8 in the ring.

Big Show comes out next, after being out for a while with injury and being yet another big suprise in the match. He gets rid of Test and K-Kwik immediately, then chokeslams everyone in the ring, except for the Rock, who clotheslines him out of the ring. Big Show goes apeshit, and pulls The Rock out of the ring during Crash Holly's entrance. He chokeslams Rock through the announce table, and The Big Show leaves the scene. Everyone in the ring is trying to eliminate Kane, but then Undertaker comes out. Between them, they get rid of everyone except for The Rock, who is still outside the ring.

They stare each other down until Scotty 2 Hotty comes out, fully aware of what is about to happen to him. They beat him up a bit, before throwing him out together after a double chokeslam. Austin is out next, but HHH attacks him from behind before he gets to the ring. Meanwhile, The Rock re-enters the fray, going after Kane and Undertaker. Austin hasn't made it to the ring, and he is in the midst of a proper beating when Billy Gunn makes his way to the ring, and takes it to both brothers of destruction. We see Austin's bald head covered in blood, as HHH is dragged off him.

Following that, at number 29, we get Haku return as the final suprise entrant. The next entrant, as we were expecting, is Rikishi. He is attacked by Austin on his way to the ring, and they both get into the ring. Austin goes after Billy Gunn, then eliminates Haku. The five people booked as contenders in the build have made the last 6, and the winner is still unknown at this point. You know it isn't going to be Billy Gunn, but that's about it.

Rikishi eliminates Taker, then tries to do a Banzai on the Rock, before Rock eliminates him, and we have our final four of Billy Gunn, Austin, Kane and The Rock. Billy Gunn is first to go, and we still don't know who will win at this point. The three of them are all knackered and in the corners when Austin and The Rock take it to each other, Austin eventually getting the Stunner in.

He then gets a Thesz press on Kane, but The Rock is back up and he hits a Rock Bottom. Kane gets thrown through the ropes and Austin and Rock go back at it, but neither goes out. Kane comes in and eliminates the Rock, as he is trying to eliminate Austin. Austin gets a chokeslam, bt he hits a low blow to insure that he isn't eliminated.

Kane gets a steel chair, but before he can use it, Austin kicks him and a few moves later he hits the stunner. Kane sits up and Austin begins twatting him with the chair, eventually getting him over the top rope with a clothesline, and the bloody Austin was heading for WrestleMania.

This Rumble had it all, with a lot of diversity in the kinds of things that were going on, suprises, and it was as competitive as it possibly could have been until the end. Best Rumble ever in my opinion, and I give it a deserved 9.2 out of 10




Production and Extras

We start with a video about the rumble and how important it is, before seeing the crowd with JR and Jerry Lawler Lawler talking over the scenes, then we go straight into the first match. However, we do see a highlights package of Edge and Christian beating the Dudleys up.

At this time, JR and King's chemistry was at its highest, and while Lawler was certainly on his way back down, he was good enough still for them to provide good commentary. Following the first match we see Drew Carey arrive at the arena, followed by McMahon clearing up the recent controversy, then we see Stephanie and HHH discussing their match when Drew Carey comes in, and then we see an APA segment with Crash Holly. A whole lot of segments, each of them of decent quality, and it got me thinking that Stephanie McMahon was a pretty good actress, to her credit. What I would say though, is that these could have been spread a little better.

Following that, we get a video highlights package of Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit, hyping their match. After their match, we get more segments, as we see Vince putting Carey in the rumble, an interview with Jericho and then a package discussing Chyna's injury at the hands of RTC. Things to take from this: 1) Segments were better then, 2) RTC was excellent, 3) Chyna sounds like a man. I actually remember the interview with JR, and the mock that RTC did subsequently, which is impressive for a 9 year old Divas feud.

After Chyna is taken out of the arena, we see Trish and Steph have a little tiff in the hairdressers, then Lo Down being told they aren't in the rumble, then some fan ideas about who is going to win the Championship match, then HHH psyching himself up. I don't understand why there are so many segments, but moreso I don't understand why Lo Down are better at segments than some current main eventers.

After that, we have a video package building up the WWF Championship match, which makes a clean sweep for the evening. Following that match, we have a Kevin Kelly interview with The Rock, and he is attacking Kane and The Undertaker verbally this time. Seriously, unbeatable on the mic. Unbeatable. This is followed by a generic Rumble video package showing us the contenders. Rikishi, Kane, Undertaker, The Rock, Stone Cold are those named as contenders.

The production of this is a strange one. The segments were all brilliant, the commentary was good, the pacing was good, and the arena design and onscreen graphics were all good. The only problem is that it is difficult to reward a PPV for having as many segments as it did. It's a tough one to score, but trying to balance out too much quantity of quality is hard. I think you have to look at it in terms ofhow it affected the show, and that is overwhelmingly positively. Everything was there for a reason, with the possible exception of the APA segment, so I shall score it 8.5 out of 10.

Overview

I should trust my memory more often, because this was a brilliant show. Every single match was good, every fued was tension filled and the Royal Rumble itself was excellent. It's times like these when I think that maybe the WWE should have never bothered with the Invasion angle, as they were doing fine beforehand. Maybe they should have bought the image rights and video library and left at that. Probably not, but the fact of the matter that this was the last major PPV before WCW was accquired, and it was excellent in nigh on every single way.

I give this event 87 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 2002

You've probably noticed that I haven't done one of these for a while. This is down to a combination of factors, but all you need to know is that I'm back and the first one up is the last under the WWF banner, and the only one held between the Invasion and the brand split.

The Dudley Boyz vs Tazz and Spike (World Tag Team)

This was a quick match, and indicative of Tazz's career at that point. He hardly did anything in the match, letting Spike take all the bumps before hitting a tazzmission right at the end. That being said, it is quite good fun and fast paced, and SPike isn't as bad as I recall him being at all. I give this match 7.4 out of 10

Edge vs William Regal (Intercontinental Championship)

This match starts out as it means to go on, with a lot of chain wrestling and suplexes etc. I often think that this match breaks two huge stereotypes about Edge. The first is that he can't be a face. I think he doesn't perfectly well here without resorting to ridiculous heelish behaviour. The second is that he can't have a decent match that isn't a gimmick match. He puts on an excellent performance here, and the only gimmick that is used is the brass knucks, which came right at the end.

Throughought this match we have moves and holds, including a part where Edge locks in the Regal stretch on Regal. It's a real mythbuster this, and there is an excellent display from both men. I give this match 8.6 out of 10

Jazz vs Trish Stratus (Special Referee match for WWF Women's Championship, Jacquelin is the referee)

We all know that Trish went from zero to hero in the wrestling ability stakes, but it was through feuds like this one. Jazz dominates most of the early part of the match, doing all the moves. Indeed, Trish doesn't do hardly anything for the early stages as Jazz dominates until she and Jacquelin have a bit of a stare down. Indeed, aside from a Stratusfaction she doesn't do anything early on, or at all until she wins with a bulldog.

This match was short, but clever. Trish was clearly being protected as she didn't really do anything throughout the match, however, because of the Jazz and Jacqueline dynamic, you still had enough interest in the match. There is a tendancy in the divas division today I think to make shitty one sided matches with a roll up finish that are pathetic. More matches like this with the likes of Beth Phoenix playing the role of Jazz would be a good idea. Anyway, I quite enjoyed myself, and I give it 7.2 out of 10

Vince McMahon vs Ric Flair (street fight)

The most telling thing about this match is how much younger that they both look, and how much more mobile Flair is. Flair should never have got back in the ring during this period, and remained as an onscreen figure, like a manager or something like that.

Vince begins to dominate early on, doing moves and stealing taunts, before he takes Flair out of the ring and starts hitting him with stuff. This was Flair in the WWE, so naturally, he blades himself. There is a humerous spot when Vince takes a camera off Flair's then photographs the bleeding Flair, but in all honesty its largely very slow and very boring, as McMahon dominates. There's a bit of pick up when he puts the figure four on Flair, but it's quite lame still.

Flair hits a low blow, and then he takes control, hitting Vince with a TV camera, and then he gets his kids to take a photo of the battered McMahon which is quite a good full circle. There's a bit more beatdown, then he hits McMahon with a lead pipe then puts on the figure four for the win.

I never thought I'd say that Flair carried anyone to anything in the 2000s, but he did here. The match was passable, but it was still essentially two old blokes hitting each other with stuff. It didn't have any modecome of unpredictability, all one way traffic, and then it went the other way, ultimately hurting the match. There was enough in it to like, but a lot of it was just waiting for the inevitable. I give this match 5.9 out of 10

The Rock vs Chris Jericho (WWF Undisputed Championship)

What is it with Jericho and two belts? I don't know. Anyway, this match starts with Jericho running away. The underdog heel champion isn't seen enough in my opinion, but maybe Sheamus harks back to this a little bit in that manner. Its a very heelish display from Jericho, with The Rock dominating before Jericho puts him in a few holds.

After a while of holds, The Rock gets back into it by crotching Jericho when he goes to the top rope. Jericho himself manages to get back into it for a while, and even has a little tiff with Earl Hebner after a two count. Lance Storm and Christian come running in, allowing Jericho to hit a Rock Bottom on The Rock, but Rock tosses him out of the ring when he tries a people's elbow. Eventually, The Rock starts to dominate outside the ring, rock bottoming Jericho through the table.

When they go back to the ring, Jericho is back in control, and gets The Rock in a decent Walls, which I'm sure is something we can all agree on is sorely missed. The ref gets knocked down after the hold is broken, and Jericho uses one of the belts on The Rock. Nick Patrick comes running out, but Jericho only gets a two count. Nick Patrick refuses to count when The Rock hits a DDT, but he gets a Rock Bottom for his efforts.

We then get a People's Elbow, but no referee to count it. Jericho then hits a low blow, throws Rock into an exposed turnbuckle, and then uses an illegal pin to win. This was again a good piece of clever booking. Jericho wins like a heel, but dominated the match, making him look good. The Rock lost and was dominated, but he hit his finisher at the end, making him look good. It was a good title match, and made sense throughout. I thoroughly enjoyed it, but I think it lacked a certain top drawer quality, so I give it 8.2 out of 10

Royal Rumble

We begin, as ever, with numbers one and two. In what was a Rumble of returns, returning to the WWF was Goldust, is number 2, and Rikishi is number 1. Two years ago, Rikishi dominated. One year ago, he was booked as a legitimate challenger, this year he was a has been that nobody gave a shit about. We're told that the entrances will be every two minutes, which is quite good, because these two have absolutely zero chemistry.

Big Bossman is out next, well into his career decline at this point in time. He is followed out by Bradshaw, who still doesn't strike anyone as a world champion at this point. Meanwhile, Rikishi gives Boss Man a stink face before eliminating him, thanks for coming. Next is Lance Storm, who may well have been an excellent technical wrestler, but he did have a fucking camp run.

Al Snow is out next, to rapturous reaction. I think that probably says more about the lack of big names we had seen thus far than it does about the quality of the Al Snow. Snow is followed by Billy of former Billy Gunn fame. Soon after his entrance we see Snow and Storm battling on the apron, only for Snow to send Storm flying. Billy eliminates Bradshwa when he's going after he attempts to go after Goldust.

Undertaker, the first real star, is out next and he eliminates Goldust, Snow, Rikishi and then Gunn, and he is left on his own in the ring. Matt Hardy is the next lamb to the slaughter, but Lita helps him by booting Taker in the bollocks. Hardy is attempting to eliminate him, but Taker gets back into it. Jeff is out next, and the three of them go after Taker, reuniting in the process after their brief split. The Hardys hit a Twist of fate, when it was good, and Swanton combo, but Taker catches Jeff midair during the poetry in motion, before Last Riding Matt and tossing him over.

Maven comes out next, but Taker is about to eliminate him, when the Hardys attack Taker. He's shouting at them, but Maven eliminates him from behind. That is an incredible shock, that I'm sure nobody saw coming. However, Taker gets rage and throws him through the ropes, before beating him all over the ringside, Scotty 2 Hotty is out next, but Taker hits him. He puts Maven back into the ring to eliminate him, and then he starts to assault him throughout the arena.

Scotty is out on the arena floor, and Taker is beating Maven in the concessions stand. Meanwhile, Christian is out in the ring, with the best entrance music of all time. He does the corner hammock, until Scotty makes his way to the ring. Diamond Dallas Page is out next and he hits a cutter on Christian, which is followed by a worm from Scotty. DDP is unamused, and he tosses Scotty out. His elimination is followed by the entrance of Chuck Palombo, who looks like an Eastern European imitation of Hulk Hogan.

Next out is another return, and The Godfather appears with 12 ladies, not called hos anymore, you understand. He's fannying about for ages, and they miss DDP's elimination, though they do repeat it as Godfather makes yet another entrance. The only man with gimmicks bad enough to rival John Tenta and Fred Ottman, Albert, is out next, but he's quickly removed by Christian and Chuck Palombo, who then remove The Godfather too. Perry Saturn, by now a jobber extrodinaire, is out next.

They don't really do anything, and Austin is out next, eliminating Christian, Saturn and Hulkski Hoganov. He then eliminates Palombo and Christian again, because he has the time to do so. Val Venis, another returning star, was out next. He is followed by Test. Austin eliminates Val then Test pretty quickly.

The returning Triple H is out next, and he takes about 7 months to get to the ring. Once he is there, he and Austin face off, and have a bit of a tiff till they both go down. Hurricane and Faarooq both make brief cameos but are quickly eliminated by the duo in the ring. However, the next man out is yet another returnee in Mr. Perfect, who gets a properly good reaction from the fans.

Perfect is followed by Kurt Angle, and we then have 3 of the 4 realistic challengers in the ring at the same time, having been absent early on. The Big Show and Kane, who were probably outside chances before this are out next, but Big Show doesn't last long as Kane gets rid of him pretty soon after his own entry, impressively slamming him over the top. However, the stunner and the Olympic slam led to Kane's elimination immediately after that.

RVD is out next, and he follows a 5 star frog splash with all of his signatures, before being pedigreed. Booker T completes the lineup, and he throws RVD out before being tossed out himself by Austin, becoming Austin's 36th and final Rumble elimination to date.

Our final four is therefore Mr. Perfect, Kurt Angle, Steve Austin and Mr. Perfect. Perfect and Angle, in many ways similar, beat down on Austin for a while, and Angle eliminates Austin as the latter tries to throw perfect out. Austin drags Perfect out of the ring and beats on him, before levelling everyone with a chair.

Perfect hits a PErfectplex on HHH, but he is eliminated soon afterwards by HHH. We are then down to Angle and HHH. HHH has a lucky escape, and then he wins as Angle is celebrating.

A strange one this. 18 participants lasted less than 5 minutes in this match, and it never built up the number of participants. As a result, to make the big names look dominant, they had to have them eliminate people as they came in which hampered the match. As much as I loved The Godfather, his entrance cost us the first elimination viewing for years. In addition, there was a total overkill on the returning wrestlers. I like surprises, but a lot of these weren't, they were just people returning. It's a very weird Rumble, but the good parts were entertaining, so I'll give it 7.5 out of 10


Production and Extras

We begin with a montage of significant Rumble events, as well as clips of who is in this show, focussing on Triple H's big return. We then go to our commentators JR and King. Lawler has stopped with the funny one liners and is now heading towards his completely irritating heel persona. The overall setting for this year was a big step up, and it wouldn't look out of place if this year's Rumble had exactly the same setup.

Before the Regal and Edge match, we get a nice package explaining their match, before a good face Edge promo. After the match, we get a promo with Regal discussing the power of the punch, which may have been the first time he called it that.

Before the women's match, we get a brief explanatory package, but this is paled by the well produced package that preceded the McMahon and Ric Flair match, which was very good indeed. After that match, we get an interview with Nick Patrick, though it is ignored in favour of an interview with Stephanie. She slates Debra and Stone Cold, until he appears, and then does an interview focussing on the what thing. It was still moderately funny at this stage.

Later on, we get an interview with Shawn Michaels at WWF New York, where he discusses who he thinks was good and who might win. I get he was a big star, and that his return was probably forthcoming at this point, but fuck me if it wasn't pointless.

Again, the production is a strange thing in this event. The non vocal roductionwas good and most of the segments made good sense and the matches were all nicely built and of good length, but Lawler's commentary was lazy and really quite bad. He has stopped with the one liners and all that is left is a guy whingeing for the heel, offering nothing and holding dual standards in a completely dullard way. As a result of everything else being of sufficient quality though, I shall give this 7.9 out of 10

Overview

Very solid, if not spectacular is probably how I'd describe this. The Flair vs McMahon match hurt it a bit because "Street Fight" is often, as was shown here, code for "too old for a proper fight". I think it lacked a certain main event quality because the winner was completely obvious throughout the match and build up. The rest of the card was unspectacular, and while other Rumbles have been pick and mix, this one is a lot more consistent. If you were to pick a Royal Rumble to take a random match from and be guaranteed to take something from it, 2002 wouldn't be a bad shout. If you were to pick a Royal Rumble to take a random match from and have the chance to be on the edge of your seat, 2002 would not be it. Consistently solid and nothing more.

I give this PPV 76 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 2003

The first Royal Rumble of the brand split, and the first when the ratings were in total downward spiral. It was also the first that had some of the bigger names from WCW in it. I'm sorry I'm so far behind, it was my girlfriend's birthday yesterday, I shall catch up.

Big Show vs Brock Lesnar

I'll begin by saying that Brock Lesnar is the reason I stopped watching wrestling regularly for over 5 years, and I do expect it to affect my enjoyment of this match. The match starts with a few punches, and then Lesnar gives Show two belly to belly suplexes before Show throws him out of the ring.

Show dominates for a bit, until there's another suplex. LEsnar then gets held by Lesnar until Show boots him in the face. He gets out of a chokeslam attempt before attacking Heyman, but he is then chokeslammed for a two count and then he F-5s Big Show for the win and the Rumble spot.

The thing about Lesnar is that he isn't remotely interesting as an in ring competitor. There is absolutely no storytelling. He does some damage, then gets nailed for ages, then performs a feat of strength and wins. You never really get a feel for the match. It's just move, nothing, move, nothing, move. He is basically what the idiots who cry about Cena say Cena is. This match was not good, and had absolutely zero flow to it. However, the moves that Lesnar did perform were well executed, there was just no flow between them from either men, so I give it 5.9 out of 10

The Dudley Boyz vs William Regal and Lance Storm (World Tag Team)

The match begins with a good pace, and both teams display really good chemistry with each other. As would be expected, the match progresses with Storm and Regal providing a lot of hold based wrestling on D-Von as Bubba awaits the hot tag.

When he gets it, he works on the foreigners, and then he and D-Von hit some of their signatures on Regal, and then they hit the 3d on Regal, steal his knucks and then use them on Storm, thanks to Chief Morley's distraction to win the tag titles once again at the Royal Rumble.

This was a pretty good tag match, and it was good that Regal and Storm controlled the wrestling portion, while the Dudleys did all the big charisma moves, because that is what they are good at. It was a solid match, but it never got me on the edge of my seat really, and was a little processional at times. Still, entertaining enough, and I give it 7.6 out of 10

Dawn Marie vs Torrie Wilson

This is surely one of the most tasteless wrestling storylines ever. I appreciate wrestling attempting some cutting edge storylines, but turning a story about an old man dying into a T&A fest, is a little questionable. I get that Dawn Marie was made the heel by the lesbian stuff, but seriously, there is no way that a face, Torrie, would try and avenge her father's death in the wrestling ring.

The match itself wasn't as bad as you'd expect. It was short and Dawn Marie, by far the better wrestler, dominates the majority of the match. Torrie gets the win in the end, and while nothing to write home about, it is not abysmal, so I give it 5.4 out of 10

Triple H vs Scott Steiner (World Heavyweight Championship)

Well, Steiner has certainly grown since the last time we saw him, hasn't he? The most ridiculous human being in history faces off with Triple H here. At this point Evolution was more Oldvolution as Ric Flair accompanied Triple H to the ring, but without anyone else present.

The match begins with Scott Steiner dominating, both inside and outside the ring. To begin with, he hits irish whips and elbows, but then he no sells Triple H's face kneesmash thing, and we get a bearhug and a recliner attempt before going back to the whips. He runs at HHH in the corner, but he gets a boot to the face for his efforts. Triple H is then in control and throws his weight around a little, putting Steiner into the ring steps, and then hitting a pair of neckbreakers, broken up by Flair doing a bit of cheating.

Steiner takes about a month to get out of a pedigree, and the botches begin in earnest, with Steiner failing to recognise what Triple H is doing and every single move taking a lot longer to execute than it should do. The worst move by far is the botched underhook powerbomb, where he basically drops Triple H without lifting him.

Following this, Triple H tries to get away, but Steiner keeps bringing him back. HHH blades himself as this is going on, before tossing Hebner out of the ring. Hebner won't DQ him though, and Scott Steiner hits the 30,000th suplex of the match. Seriously, this PPV must have set some sort of record for numbers of suplexes.

Anyway, after a near fall or two, he punches Steiner in the bollocks before usinf the sledgehammer on him for a DQ loss. After the match, Steiner levels HHH and Flair with the hammer. This match wasn't very good, and it is a crying shame that the guy who was brilliant in the early 90s turned into this slow and botchy piece of shit 10 years later. Botching your own signature moves is inexcusable. The rest of the match saw him hit about 50 suplexes and whipping Triple H into the corner. At some points it did show promise, largely thanks to Triple H, but I'd be lying if I gave this any more than 6.2 out of 10

Kurt Angle vs Chris Benoit (WWE Championship)

Before the match begins, Team Angle is sent to the back, giving us a better chance of a clean match, which is most certainly a good thing. The match begins at a quick pace as we get moves, holds and counters galore. After the matches that preceded this, everything about this was a breath of fresh air. Here we get a consistent flow, a quick pace and it is botch free.

It is back and forth, but you feel each shift in momentum and each is well explained. Punches , kicks and holds are segmented with big moves, such as Benoit's DDT on Angle on the DDT and the missed finishers early on. Benoit worked on the knee of Angle throughout the match, and his moves had a greater success rate throughout. Little things like that make the suspension of disbelief so much easier to acheive.

The match rarely leaves the ring, instead relying on solid in ring performances. There are suplexes in this match too, but not as many, not so often, and when they are their they don't go at 1mph. There is some down time in holds and after a double clothesline, but these are few and far between, and these are all worthy.

We get some cool spots too, like a chain of german suplexes on each other, and then what is probably the best superplex of all time from Angle. Angle follows that up with an Angle Slam, but it is reversed into a Crippler Crossface, but Angle gets to the ropes, before Benoit puts him into the ankle lock, reversal, then we get another reversal into a crossface, then a pin, then another cross face, then a reversal into an Angle slam. There has probably never been such a great series of reversals. It continues as Benoit reverses a suplex into a pin, and then we get another chain of suplexes.

Benoit then hits an incredibly long range diving headbutt, but only for a 2 count. Angle throws Benoit into the turnbuckle and then hits an Angle slam for another 2 count. This is followed by a crossface, which Angle rolls into an Ankle lock. This brokwn out of and reapplied several times, before Benoit taps out eventually.

This was an incredible match, and I think the only thing that stopped it from being perfect was that was little charisma on display early on. That really is the most minor of gripes though. I think this is what TNA are trying to reacheive with the continued attempts at AJ vs Angle. That's good, but this is sublime and this match scores 9.9 out of 10

Royal Rumble

We begin with a clever entrance, something we rarely see in the Rumble. Jericho, number 2, tricks Shawn Michaels, number 1, by entering from behind as Christian pretended to be Jericho. Very clever. He then beats Michaels down with a chair, and this continues after Christopher Nowinski's entrance after 90 seconds, which will be the norm tonight. Jericho tosses Michaels over for our first elimination and Mysterio is out next. He is followed up by Edge.

Edge and Mysterio beat the other two, then Nowinski and Jericho go through the ropes. Edge has a near miss, as the two face off, but then Christian comes out. Nowinski returns to the ring, and triesd to eliminate Edge and Mysterio, but to no avail. Chavo is out next and he gets 619ed immediately. He then hits Christian with one, and then hurracanrana's Nowinski out of the ring, only for Jericho to return and eliminate him too.

We're not down to four for long as Tajiri is out next. Hugh G. Rection is out next, but the WWE have decided to call him by his real name instead, for some reason. He is followed by Tommy Dreamer who brings a load of shit down to the ring. He and Edge beat DeMott up until he falls from the ring, but Dreamer is then beaten and eliminated by Christian and Jericho. Tajiri is next to go when he fails to hit a tarantula on Jericho.

He is immediately replaced with B-2, but he doesn't last very long at all. Edge gets rid of Chavo, and then both he and Christian are eliminated by Jericho, and Jericho is on his own briefly until RVD makes his entrance. They battle for a while, and they do a great elimination teaser with a flip over the ropes before Matt Hardy enters. He is followed by Eddie Guerrero and there is a series of finishers, leaving Matt on his own standing. His brother is out next, who nearly eliminates him but Shannon Moore cleverly blocks the floor. He then lies ontop of Matt to prevent the swanton, but Jeff does it anyway.

Rosey is out next, and we hear the usual big man in the rumble cliches. Everyone has their own little brawls going on until Test comes out, and we have our second dead entrant. John Cena is out next, showing the world that he is a terrible rapper. He takes so long to get into the ring, that the next entrant Charlie Haas comes out about 5 seconds after RVD finally throws him in the ring.

Jeff Hardy tries a whisper in the wind, but he gets pushed out by Van Dam. Rikishi comes out next, setting a Royal Rumble appearance record, but by this stage he was just a fat cunt and nothing else, and he doesn't even do that well as he is dwarfed by Rosey. After those two nail Shannon Moore, Jamal comes out, except he's called Jamal. The numbers have swelled to 10, but Kane is out next and we don't stay at 11 for long, as Kane removes Rosey from the match and Jericho does an incredible job of holding on.

Shelton Benjamin, or Sheldon as JR calls him, is out next, and we're back to 11. Indeed, we go up to 12 with the entry of Booker T next. However, he eliminates Guerrero pretty sharpish, putting the number down to 11 again, briefly, before A-Train comes out and bombs a few people. Michaels runs back out and beats down on a few people, Jericho is distracted by him and Test launches him out, putting us down to 11 again. It's brief once more, because Maven is out next .

Indeed, we have almost half the entrants in the ring at the same time when Goldust comes out to make it 13, but Haas and Benjamin get rid of him pretty swiftly. They then get rid of Booker T. However, Batista is out next, and he eliminates Test and then Rikishi, and we're briefly down to 10, before Brock Lesnar makes his entry. Lesnar puts down beneath ten by swiftly eliminating Haas, Benjamin and Matt Hardy. The final entrant is The Undertaker, and he gets rid of Cena, Jamal and Maven before A-Train nails him. Kane chokeslams Lesnar, and then he and RVD get rid of A-Train, before Kane lifts RVD up and gets rid of him.

Lesnar, Undertaker, Kane and Batista are left at the end. They all beat down on each other, and then, Lesnar hits a suplex, before F-5ing someone bigger than him, would you believe it? If you've ever seen Lesnar wrestle, the answer is yes, you would believe it. Taker gets rid of Batista, before he tricks Kane and eliminates him too. Batista comes in with a chair, but Taker removes him, only to be eliminated as he's distracted. After the match, Taker congratulates Lesnar.

All in all, it was a good beginning to the rumble and they'd learned from the lack of continuity in last year's match, but in many ways they went too far the other way. There were times when the build up got ridiculous, and the match had more than 10 people in it for ages, which is a little too much. Lesnar won without doing anything, which is a bad position for a face winner, and I just don't think the latter half was well planned. There were some excellent solo performances from the likes of Jericho and RVD, but it was mostly pretty run of the mill stuff. It was better than the year before, but only just, and I give it 7.6 out of 10


Promotion and Extras

We start with the normal recap kind of thing, but rather than hype the event itself, it focussed moreso on WrestleMania. We then get our first match commentary team of Tazz and Michael Cole. The arena is fairly identical to the year before, and it has a certain identikit feeling to it as a result.

During the second match, we get the first outing for the Raw commentary duo of Lawler and Ross. By this point, Lawler isn't really a heel anymore, and has certainly toned himself down from the year before, but he does give us a nice bit of racism when he "confuses" Tajiri and Funaki. We see an interview with Chris Jericho, with the world's most obvious "we've got nothing else for you" situation in Terri Runnels as the question poser. Jericho talks about choosing number 2 to be with Michaels and how he's going to win.

The first match to get any build is the divas one. After that match, we get our first significant backstage segment with a face off between Steph and Bischoff. This is followed by a video package for Steiner and HHH. Following that match, we get a highlights package bigging up Angle and Benoit.

After that match, we see Kane, by now normal but in a mask, cuts a promo with RVD backstage, which is ok, I suppose.

The production was, on the whole, similar to the year before. Tazz and Cole worked well together, and while Lawler was no longer irritating, he didn't really give anything extra to the event. The packages were quite good, but as much was devoted to a shitty divas match as was to the two world title matches, and the overall presentation for the event didn't improve on the year before at all really. As a result, I give this event's production 7.7 out of 10

Overview

A lot of people make the claim that after the Attitude era ended, there was too little emphasis on the main event and none elsewhere. A PPV that had one fantastic title match and then a load of subpar stuff around it kind of fuels their fires of criticism. This was not a great event, and it would have scored very lowly had it not been for Angle vs Benoit. However, that match was there so

This event scores 73 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 2004

The catchup commences as I go straight into Royal Rumble 2004. By this point the brands were well and truly split, with single PPVs and so on, so we are presented this event by Raw and Smackdown, and not the WWE.

The Dudley Boyz vs Evolution (Tables match for World Tag Team Championship)

In the two years since his last Rumble match Flair has begun to look a lot older and manboob tastic. Batista is somehow slower than he is these days as we begin, with nothing really happening, with people jogging into each other.

Coach interjects himself into the match, for no reason, and he is beaten down by The Dudleys and then from nowhere Batista slams D-Von through the table for the win. Absolutely nothing happened in this match at all. Flair took a few bumps and then Batista wins it. Totally crap, and I give it 3.4 out of 10

Rey Mysterio vs Jamie Noble (WWE Cruiserweight Championship)

Noble is accompanied to the ring with Nidia, who was blind. Noble begins in control, with some mat based work. Later on in the match, Mysterio gets some classic lucha offence, before Noble gets back into it. Nidia accidentally tripped Noble, before he gets 619ed. Mysterio wins a ridiculously short match, and Nidia gets berated by Noble. What there was of it was good, but it wasn't very long at all. I can only therefore give it 6.3 out of 10

Chavo Guerrero vs Eddie Guerrero

This match came a mere few weeks before Eddie's title win, and I think that in many ways this feud helped to solidify that as a believable transition. The match starts off quite slow as Chavo slaps Eddie before a lot of oneupmanship. Eddie doesn't throw a punch in the early stage, which is a nice choice.

Nobody has a true advantage early on until Chavo Sr hits Eddie. Chavo is then in control and he hits the three amigos, but Eddie counters and does it himself. Eddie then goes to the top and hits the frog splash for the win.

This was another relatively short match that didn't do justice to the feud. Eddie finishes by punching Chavo Sr and then low blowing him. He then gets rage and hits some apallingly fake punches on Chavo jr. He ties Chavo Sr with his tie to the rope, and then he beats down on Chavo. This flip out would have been a lot better if it happened in the match, even though the punches do look ridiculous.

The beat down lasts almost as long as the match, which is quite telling. The match itself had some good psychology, but very little of anything else, so I can't give it any more than 7.0 out of 10.

Hardcore Holly vs Brock Lesnar

The Royal Rumble has given us some unlikely title contenders over the years, people like Razor Ramon spring to mind here, but surely none had less of a chance of winning than Hardcore Holly. I'm aware that the story here probably warranted a match at the end of it after Holly's long enforced sabbatical, but on a big 4 PPV? No.

As per usual, Lesnar does a few holds, a suplex, another couple of holds, and then he no sells Holly's offence for a while, briefly going down from an Alabama Slam, before a feat of strength to break out of a full nelson, than an F-5. Seriously, Brock Lesnar is fucking abysmal. Hardcore Holly is shit too, so unsurprisingly, this is a shit match, especially as Holly doesn't even do his trademark dropkick. The only thing good about this was that it was a world title match that lasted less than the average Smackdown main event, which is what it should have been. I give this match, generously, 3.4 out of 10

Shawn Michaels vs Triple H (Last Man Standing Match for the World Heavyweight Championship)

I'm surprised this match wasn't on Mania, but when the alternative was Hardcore Holly in a world title match, I think they probably needed an alternative. Anyway, it begins with a lot of solid wrestling, going to the announce table once, before Triple H gts back body dropped out of the ring trying a pedigree. It was obvious what was going to happened by the way they moved to the ring, but it was still quite nice. Michaels does a cross body out of the ring, straight through the Spanish announce table, which was nicely done.

That being said, he is then bladed on his head, despite clearly never being hit in the head, which is rather gratuitous. The next portion of the match is spent with Michaels lying on his back, then getting up, then being punched in the face, then lying on his back. Eventually, Triple H uses a chair to hit him down. I liked this, because it took a long time for the weapons to come out. I know it makes more sense to twat someone with a chair immediately, but this made for a better spectacle.

Michaels reverses a pedigree into the chair, then he hits Triple H, which leads to a far more realistically necesary blading. They both go down, but Michaels hits a kip up and remains in control afterwards. Hitting a diving elbow, before tuning up the band, but Triple H ducks the kick and hits a low blow. However, it does not lead to a full momentum shift, and Michaels soon has him in a sleeper.

After this there are a few big moves, until they both get their finishers in and the match is drawn. I know they ended up being in the triple threat at Mania, but this feud never got the closure it deserved for almost 6 months. It was a good brutal match, but I just felt there was an element missing throughout. I'm not really sure what it was though. It was entertaining, but almost processional at times, and it suffered from the classic last man standing match problem of being really segmented. I still think it was quite good, and I give it 7.8 out of 10

Royal Rumble

The Rumble begins with Chris Benoit and Randy Orton. To say 2004 was a transisitional year for the company was an overstatement. I doubt anybody saw these two in a world title feud 6 months down the line from this event, but more on that in a minute.

Interestingly, this was Chris Benoit's first rumble, and he and Orton were joined before long by Mark Henry and then Tajiri. This was a 90 second entry Royal Rumble, but that fact was not made public in the early stages. Bradshaw is out next. He gives three people clotheslines from hell before being eliminated in less than 40 seconds by Benoit. Rhyno is out next, and he gets rid of Tajiri, before Benoit eliminates Mark Henry.

Matt Hardy is out next, followed by Scott Steiner. By now he has been relegated down the card, where he belonged. JR makes the point that this is the first time, presumably since 1988, when there were no previous winners. That is an interesting factor, certainly, but it doesn't really affect the match. Matt Morgan and The Hurricane are out next with the former eliminating the latter very quickly. Morgan is somehow shitter than he is now, which is almost unbelievable. Booker T is out next, and he goes straight for Steiner.

Kane is out next, without mask for the first time. As he arrives, Steiner is thrown out. Kane nails everyone with chokeslams, and is looking utterly dominant until The Undertaker's music hits for the next entry. However, it wasn't Taker, it was Spike Dudley, who Kane absolutely maims to the point that he can't enter the match. Rikishi comes out next, somehow still in employment, and as he arrives Benoit removes Rhyno from the match.

We're at six people, which is a nice, manageable number. Rene Dupree is out next and he quickly eliminates Matt Hardy, but as he celebrates, Rikishi gets rid of him. The next man out is A-Train, who is also still employed, somehow. Benoit gets rid of Matt Morgan, and then Orton removes Rikishi and Booker T. Shelton Benjamin is out next as Benoit removes A-Train, which is his second to last elimination he makes, and it is missed by the commentators. Shortly afterward, Benjamin is removed by Orton, and we're left with numbers 1 and 2 being the only people left.

Randy "The Ram" Robinson's arch rival The Ayatollah is out next, calling himseld Ernest Miller. He does a dance, but then Orton throws him out. Kurt Angle comes running out next, and goes for Benoit. Rico is out next to Santina Marella's music, and he doesn't last very long before being eliminated by Orton. Next out is Test, except he isn't there. We see Austin backstage, over a laid out Test, and he tells whoever did it to get out to the ring. That person is Mick Foley, and Randy Orton shits his pants at the sight of him.

Foley and Orton fight each other, before Foley hits the Cactus Jack clothesline, sending both of them over the top rope. Foley then continues to attack Orton out of the ring, before Christian makes his entrance to the arena. Foley and Orton continue to fight outside the rings, with weapons. Foley gives Nunzio, the next entrant the mandible claw, but Orton low blows him.

Nunzio doesn't enter the ring for a while as a result, choosing instead to sit on the outside. We therefore have three people in the ring until Big Show makes his appearance, by now more fat than imposing, and his entry is followed by Chris Jericho. Jericho and Christian work on the Big Show, then all four of the small guys are involved, but Show fights his way out of it. Charlie Haas is out next, and he too is double teamed by Jericho and Christian. Nunzio is still sitting outside the ring. Christian tries to throw Jericho out but it backfires, and he ends up eliminated himself.

The returning Billy Gunn came out next, followed by John Cena who spots Nunzio and throws him into the ring. Cena is followed by RVD, and then Goldberg, who comes into the ring and immediately spears Big Show, before eliminating Charlie Haas, Billy Gunn and Nunzio in quick succession. However, he is then attacked by Lesnar, and as he berated Lesnar, he was thrown out by Kurt Angle.

Everyone tries to get Show out, but he fights back. Every single man attacks him, and then he gets a lionsault, 5 star frog splash, 5 knuckle shuffle, and diving headbutt, before Angle orchestrates a group removal of Show. Show goes apeshit, and gets rid of John Cena and then Rob Van Dam, and we have our final four of Jericho, Benoit, Angle and Jericho, all of whom are legitimate contenders, as were Goldberg, Cena and RVD. Indeed, the transitional nature of 2004 is probably what makes this one of the most open Rumbles.

Jericho is the first to go as Big Show chokeslams him out of the ring, and we are down to three. Show chokeslams Benoit but he is then Angle slammed by Angle, who follows it up with one for Benoit. Angle rolls his straps down, and through a Big Show move into an ankle lock, but Big Show throws him out with his leg.

Benoit and Show battle, and as Show tries to eliminate Benoit, he turns it into a slow pull out of the ring, which is a very realistic and effective way of doing it in my opinion. This was a good rumble. The only build up of men was at the end, and that was to push Goldberg, which won. The match furthered at least three other feuds in Kane/Taker, Goldberg/Lesnar and Orton/Foley and the ending was well played out. It was really enjoyable and there genuinely was a sense of unpredicability in the winner.

What this, and all the Rumbles from 2003-6 lacked, was a sense of unpredictability. With a strict 15 from each brand ruling, there was no room for the big returns, or suprise old timers, which is part of what makes Rumbles entertaining. They also missed an elimination for the first time in years. On the whole though, very entertaining, so I'll give it 8.2 out of 10


Production and Extras

We begin with a much more ambitious entrance video, followed by a fast paced introduction of our commentary teams, JR, Lawler and Coachman on Raw, and Cole and Tazz on Smackdown. We also see the Spanish announce team introducing the card, which is interesting. Apparently Triple Ache is going to face Shawn Michaels later.

The arena is largely similar to the year before, but some changes have been made, with the on screen graphics having changed a little and the ramp being a little more ambitious than it had been in the past.

Before the opener, we get a brief video seeing Coach get put through a table by the Dudleys. For those that seem to think heel commentators are automatically good, Jonathon Coachman is a perfect example for why you are wrong. Fortunately, he doesn't reappear after the tag match.

After the match we get a backstage interview with John Cena, as he shows that he wasn't cut out for a rap career once again. RVD interjects quite humorously.

Before the Guerrero match, we get an extensive and nicely prepared video package, which probably lasts as long as the previous match. After that match, we have an interview with Benoit, which is rudely interrupted by Evolution, including Randy Orton, who is apparently drinking champagne before his match in the main event. Cole and Tazz then discuss the fact that Benoit has never won the big one. This is followed with a decent video before the Lesnar vs Holly match, which is about ten times better than the match itself, and about as long.

Following that match we get a package highlighting the history between Triple H and Shawn Michaels. This was done well, and it gave a full story to the match, which was nice. Before the Rumble we have a segment bigging up the Rumble, before Eric Bischoff and Paul Heyman have a little tiff and then them getting stunnered. It was well done, but ultimately pointless. We have an interview with Goldberg that is broken up by Lesnar, setting up their feud.

The Royal Rumble is announced by Tazz and Jim Ross. Tazz gives us his tips to win, which is quite remniscent of today's TNA "X-factors" etc. That is to say, useless.

All in all, the production of this event was better than the previous year. As crap as Coach is on commentary, he's only there for a few minutes. Lawler was muted, but effective, and Cole and Tazz did have good chemistry, as did Tazz and JR in the main event. The outside factors were good too. The problem was the timing. They could have gotten rid of either the tag or the cruiserweight match and the event could have flowed well, instead we are left with very short, ineffective matches. This hurt the event immensely, so I can only give it 6.5 out of 10.

Overview

This was a strange one. The Rumble was really good, but the rest of the card was pretty attrocious. The Last Man Standing match was quite good too, but the tag match and the Holly match were frankly terrible. The other two matches weren't given enough time to be good, which was a shame as they had real potential. In the end, I think what made the Rumble good is the number of contenders, and part of the problem with that is the fact that it means the rest of the card suffers. Still, it could have been saved from such a poor score by taking the cruiserweight title or tag match off the card.

I give this event 64 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 2005

We're deep into the post attitude era now, with Lesnar gone and following the year of test the water champions this event saw a real shift in momentum towards the new breed of main eventers. Hopefully this isn't ruined by shit matches, eh?

Edge vs Shawn Michaels

The match begins ferociously as Michaels attacks Edge in his entrance garb. He never should have made the switch to wrestling in chaps, tights look much better.

Edge gets himself together and then gets back into the ring and the two continue to fight. They spill out of the ring, but then Edge gets back in and hits a baseball slide before putting Michaels back in the ring. They continue to go tete a tete for a while, with Edge getting a two count and following it up with a long hold.

Edge is firmly in control, and he uses Michaels' signature taunt to emphasise that. Edge gets a couple of two counts, followed by one for Michaels, after he turns a slam into a crossbody. Edge briefly remains in control, until Michaels gets in control for a little bit.

Edge walks up the ramp and gets brought back, but then he hits Michaels with a spear after he is occupied with the referee, for a count of 9 outside the ring. Edge then tunes up the band before hitting another spear for a two count. Michaels gets back into it, and hits his elbow drop.

Edge reverses a sweet chin music into an electric chair drop and then he hits an Edgeucation, until Michaels eventually reaches the rope, and then turns a second atempt into a pin, which Edge rolls into a pin, and holds the ropes for a victory.

It started out slow, but it was good once it got going. It's a shame we haven't seen this pair in any further detail since this match. IT was a good opener, and I give it 8.1 out of 10

Undertaker vs Heidenreich (casket match)

Another Rumble, another casket match for The Undertaker. He had lost both before this and had even had a monster heel opponent who is afraid of coffins in Yokozuna. I know wrestling is a bit cyclical, but come on.

The match begins with Taker dominating, but Heidenreich gets a lifeline when he throws Taker into the casket, but it is only brief. He gets a proper chance when Snitsky appears and starts attacking Taker, but Kane appears in the casket, and nails both of them before they can do anything. Kane fights Snitsky through the crowd, ater which Heidenreich remains in control, having wheeled the casket away.

He then pushes the casket into The Undertaker, crushing him between the coffin and the ring, before he locks a choke hold on Taker. He puts Taker in the casket, but can't close the lid, before Taker puts his head in the casket and then does a leg drop on it. However, Heidenreich gets back in control until Taker hits a running DDT , and then he does a few more moves before hitting the tombstone for the victory.

This was a suprisingly good match actually, and I was watching it throughout. This is when Taker's in ring performances improved immensely for some reason, and I give it 7.9 out of 10

Kurt Angle vs Big Show vs JBL (WWE Championship)

A year since lasting 40 seconds in the Royal Rumble, JBL is the World Champion. The match begins tentatively before Big Show starts dominating. He clotheslines both men out of the ring and then begins to attack JBL. He sets up the announce table and stairs for a big chokeslam, but Angle hits him with a monitor, causing him to fall backwards through the table.

Angle and JBL then get back into the ring, and Angle is in control. This continues for a while, until Big Show re-enters the ring. Show gets back in charge, but JBL puts his foot on the rope during a pin attempt, before he rolls out of the ring and he and Show go through the barrier.

Show gets back to the Ring and is about to win when Jindrak and Reigns make the save for Angle. Show goes after them, and gets taken out by The Cabinet but JBL comes from nowhere to hit Angle with a clothesline from hell, and gets the win.

Another surprisingly decent match, though it could have done with a little more Angle, as he was clearly the best wrestler, and I give it 7.3 out of 10

Randy Orton vs Triple H (World Heavyweight Championship)

Back when it wasn't stale as possible, this match wasn't at all mad. We don't get to see Orton's "psychology" because he is a face. It is always nice to see a match without a week's worth of stamps, don't you think.

Orton dominates early on, but he is sent out of the ring during an RKO attempt, and Triple H begins to take over. Orton is in trouble, and gets put in the figure four leglock for a while. Eventually, however, he's right back in it and he hits a few moves, would you believe it, on Triple H. He then throws Triple H off the top rope before hitting a crossbody from the top himself.

There's then some good back and forth action with reversals and everything. Before Triple H throws Orton into the referee by accident. Triple H then goes to get the sledgehammer, but he doesn't use it. He hits Orton with the pedigree as the referee comes around and then wins.

The thing I kept thinking during this match was how irritating it was that these two are obviously capable of a decent wrestling match, but they put on a snoozefest at WrestleMania. This was pretty good, but nothing incredibke and I give it 7.9 out of 10

Royal Rumble

Eddie Guerrero is out first at number one, and Benoit is at number two, very fitting considering their history together. They square off for a bit, but they both go after Daniel Puder, who cuts a promo before getting in the ring. Hardcore Holly is out next, and he asks Benoit and Guerrero to be the one to attack Puder, and they acquiesce. Once he has eliminated him, they eliminate Holly.

The Hurricane is out next, as we apparently have 90 second entries once again. Benoit and Guerrero team up to eliminate him too, before Kenzo Suzuki appears, and he too is double teamed, but he isn't eliminated, and the three of them are joined by Edge. Mysterio is out next, and he is cool moves galore before he eliminates Kendo Suzuki. This group is joined by Shelton Benjamin and Booker T and Chris Jericho. Incredibly, there is 7 men in the ring, and 6 of them were world champions in their career at some stage. If you count the TNA Championship, there are 13 world champions in this match.

Luther Reigns is next in, and the Raw and Smackdown guys attack each other. This is ******ed. Seeing as the likely outcome is that they will win and face the champion of their brand, you'd want everyone on your brand out first, so you get a chance, even if you lose. Muhammed Hassan is out next, and literally everyone, Raw, Smackdown, heels and faces team up and nail him, before throwing him out. Following that display of American patriotism by people who mostly associate themselves with Canada and Mexico, we are joined by Orlando Jordan.

Scotty Too Hotty doesn't make it to the ring, as Hassan beats him up on his way to the ring. Charlie Haas is out next, and Booker T gets rid of Luther Reigns and Orlando Jordan, but then gets eliminated himself, not for the first time, after doing a spineroonie. Rene Dupree is out next with his dog, and Shelton Benjamin is eliminated afterwards by Edge. Shortly after this, Simon Dean appears, but he takes ages to get in the ring, as he warms up outside the ring.

Eddie is then eliminated by Edge, who does a humorous impression. Michaels is out next, and immediately eliminates Simon Dean who had only just got in the ring. Edge throws Haas out, just before Angle comes out. He does a fewbig moves before being superkicked out of the ring by Kurt Angle. We're down to 6 before Coach enters the match, and goes and holds the bottom rope. Mark Jindrak is out next, and we're up to 8 until Angle comes back and eliminates and attacks Michaels putting us back to 7 almost immediately. A range of officials have to come and pull Angle off Michaels, including Finlay, funnily enough.

Viscera is out next, in his fat and evil, not his fat lover persona, which is a shame. He is followed by Paul London, who doesn't really do much, but as he is taunted by Dupree, Jericho eliminates the frenchman before John Cena comes out, to great applause. Cena nails everyone and eliminates Viscera. Snitsky is out next and he eliminates London with a fantastic lariat off the apron.

Kane comes out next, and it typically dominant, and eliminates Jindrak. Batista is the next monster out and he gets rid of Snitsky pretty quickly before Batista bombing Kane and eliminating Jericho. Christian is out next, and Cena follows his entry by FUing Kane out of the ring. Rey and Cena make an agreement, and go after Coach. Flair then gets rid of Coach after Batista spinebusters him, and then Batista launches Christian out of the ring, while Benoit chops Flair. There are 6 men left, all of whom were one time champions, but Batista nails Benoit before Flair removes him. Flair then goes for Batista, but Edge gets rid of him.

We are then left with 4 young up and comers, which was nice. Edge, spears Batista and Cena, but then gets 619ed. However, he manages to eliminate Mysterio with a spear, before Cena and Batista get rid of him. We're left with two, and as Cena tries to FU Batista out but can't. Then Batista bombs Cena out but goes out himself.

Alledgedly this was a botch, and the way that Vince comes down to the ring and injures himself would support this. That being said, if it was a botch, there was some awfully quick thinking by the refs. They then throw each other over the top, as Vince sits in the ring injured, before the match is restarted. They tease finishers, before Batista very lacklustrely wins the match.

I don't know if it really was a botch, but if it was, it was reasonably well covered, so I won't mark it down. I will mark it down for completely ruining the match by killing all its momentum, be it shoot or work. It really harmed the match to have it end in such a lacklustre fashion, especially when it had been otherwise quite good, and certainly stacked. I give it 7.7 out of 10

Production and extras

We have another good Royal Rumble event time, building up the match itself rather than anything else on the card. This time, we are introduced to the commentators in a slightly different order - first the Smackdown duo of Cole and Tazz, then the Spaniards then finallythe Raw duo of JR and King. King has begun to show a few heelish aspects to his work, we shall see how that pans out.

The arena is decorated in the fashion of the more modern PPVs with an event specific entrance area, which is certainly noteworthy. For the second year, the WrestleMania logo was prominently featured, which was good.

The next segment we get is between Flair and Guerrero picking their numbers. Flair gets a good one, Eddie gets a shit one and then swaps them, which is quite amusing. This is followed by Heidenreich and Snitsky, which is typically weird. This is followed by a video bigging up the Heidenreich vs Taker match.

After the Heidenreich match, the Eddie and Flair situation is resolved and we see some Evolution tension. This is followed by the fantastic Christian, Cena and Tomko promo, which I'm sure you've all seen.

We don't really get any build for the WWE title match, but after it we see Batista drawing his number and finding out that Evolution are banned from ringside, which cheers him up immensely. We also see him discussing getting rid of Teddy Long with Carlito.

We then get a segment with Nunzio getting his number stolen for the rumble by Angle, before we go to the general manager office. Long and Bischoff are talking when The Cabinet come in, with JBL apparently drunk. It's actually pretty funny including when Teddy Long tells JBL he'll be facing Big Show in a barbed wire steel cage match.

After that, we see that Tazz has been joined by JR in time for the Royal Rumble match, and again they have some pretty solid chemistry, which wasn't there when they worked on Smackdown in as much abundance.

The production for this event was generally pretty flawless, and the timing was sorted. By losing a match, and by shortening the rumble by ten minutes, they managed a solid card. My only gripe is that there was a world title match with absolutely no build, which is odd, and I'll give it 9.0 out of 10

Overview

A strange one this. Nothing about it was brilliant, but it was consistent throughout and the production was very well done. It gets a very good score not because there was anything fantastic about it, but purely because the whole thing consistently delivered. I'm surprised by the score to be honest, but I did really enjoy it. I think the reason it was an improvement is because it took this long for the company to truly adjust to the brand split. And Lesnar was gone.

This event scores 80 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 2006

The first Royal Rumble after Eddie Guerrero's death was always going to be a big deal, and we shall see that in this event. This was also the last show when there was only two brands, and therefore the last of the strict 15 from each brand rule.

Kid Kash vs Funaki vs Jamie Noble vs Nunzio vs Paul London vs Gregory Helms (Open invitational for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship)

It's amazing how badly Hornswoggle fucked up this division. Only one of these men is now in regular active competition, and three of them have been released entirely. This division was always good for filler matches, because you can have big entertaining spots as we get here.

There's a lot going on in this match, but there is usually a pair in focus. Highlights include Kash throwing Nunzio out the ring and then Noble being sent out too. Eventually, everyone ends up outside the ring and London does some sort of shooting star move to level them, with a minor botch. Helms hits a swinging neckbreaker off the top rope on London, then Kash hits a dead level on him, but the bin is broken. Kash then gets booted in the face by Noble, who hits a move on Funaki before getting thrown out of the ring, only for Gregory Helms, then of Raw, to hit Funaki with the shining wizard.

It was hardly a masterclass, but I do think that these matches are good, entertaining openers, and this was that. Not brilliant, but fun and I give it 7.7 out of 10

Mickie James vs Ashley (Trish Stratus is the Special Referee)

The match starts out slow, as Ashley's limited offense is on show. To be fair, she isn't as bad as a lot of people that have come out of the diva search. Mickie then gets in control and puts Ashley on the outside, and starts beating down on her.

Mickie rolls her back into the ring, and hits a fisherman's suplex. Mickie hits a few moves, and then Ashley hits a few moves, before Mickie bombs her using her tights and gets the win, although Trish doesn't want to do it. Mickie is mental and hugs Stratus.

The match wasn't good, but they stuck to what Massaro could do, and we didn't get the usual shitty slaps etc. that we often get in this scenario. I'm going to be generous, because they made it as good as they could and it furthered the Trish and Mickie feud well, and give it 5.9 out of 10

JBL vs The Boogeyman

JBL has to be the most inconsistently booked wrestler in history. In 2004 he was a nobody, in 2005 he was the champion, and now he is feuding with a man that eats worms. The match is preceded by JBL hiding behind Jillian Hall, who is far more attractive then compared to now.

Boogeyman covers her in worms, and then the match begins. JBL then starts beating him up outside the ring, before taking him into the ring and choking him. JBL runs out Boogeyman in the corner, he moves, and then pumphandle slams JBL for the win and then he eats some worms.

Why the fuck this match was on PPV is beyond me, it was terrible, short and didn't really acheive anything except burying JBL, who was still supposed to be a big star. I give it 2.8 out of 10

Royal Rumble

Oddly, this match finds itself in the middle of the card. Anyway, we begin with Rey Mysterio and Triple H and they fight for a while until Simon Dean comes out. Dean thinks he's eliminated Mysterio, but he didn't, and Rey and Triple H then throw him out, and we're back down to two.

Psicosis is out next, who beats down on Rey, but gets eliminated by a headscissors shortly before Flair arrives. He looks terrible and he goes after Triple H before going out. The next man out is The Big Show, finally someone who has a chance to stay in longer than two minutes. Show goes after Triple H immediately. The next man out is Coach, but Show gets rid of him immedately.

We then get Bobby Lashley out next, and he hits a few power moves on Show, as everyone else is on the ground. Kane is out next, and Lashley nails everyone again, including hitting Kane with a dominator. Sylvan is out next, and he doesn't exactly look like he's going to last long, and he doesn't as LAshley gets rid of him, before Kane and Big Show double chokeslam and the eliminate Lashley. Kane and Big Show then square off, with everyone else down on the floor.

The two men are on the ropes, and then Triple H eliminates both of them at the same time, before Carlito makes his way down to the ring to join Triple H and Rey Mysterio, who are, once again, the only two left. Before long, they are joined by Chris Benoit, who enters at 12, his highest ever entry. Booker T is out next, and goes straight for Benoit, who eliminates him after less than 20 seconds. Joey Mercury is out next, and we're at the standard lull in proceedings you might expect. For the first time in years we get a random old timer in Tatanka, who comes in and powers through a lot of people, the crowd love it and start the chants.

His entry is followed by that of Johnny Nitro and Trevor Murdoch who don't really change the ebb and flow of the match. Eugene is out next, and he does a fairly amusing segment with Trevor Murdoch before getting nailed by Mysterio. Road Warrior Animal is out next, doing what he does, being fat and old. RVD is out next, and finally we get a bit of energy in the match. Animal is eliminated by RVD, but quickly replaced by Orlando Jordan. Chavo is out next and he takes out a lot of people including performing a three amigos. He goes to the top for a frog splash, but he is thrown out by Triple H.

Matt Hardy is out next, and we're back up to 12 people, Super Crazy comes out after Tatanka's elimination, but he is followed by Michaels, and we have 13 again. Michaels gets rid of Murdoch, but Masters comes out next and he puts us back to 13. Viscera comes out next and we have 14 left in the ring, which is almost unwatchably full. Viscera hits Viscagra on Hardy, which has to be the most disgusting move in the history of wrestling. He then eliminates Hardy, and we're down to 13 again, until Shelton Benjamin comes out next.

Eugene goes out at the hands of Benoit, before we get another big suprise entrant in Goldust, and we're at 13 once again. Randy Orton, the final entrant, puts us up to 14, and he is the final entrant. He eliminates Benoit immediately, and then RKOs Viscera, who gets thrown out by Masters and Carlito, before Masters goes out at the hands of Carlito.

Goldust hits a shattered dreams, and then suffers a sloppy exit at the hands of RVD. Orton gets rid of Jordan, and we're down to 8. Michaels causes Nitro to eliminate Mercury, before getting rid of Nitro, and then Benjamin. Vince, enraged, then comes out to the ring, and as Michaels stares him down, Shane appears and eliminates him.

Carlito then goes out at the hands of RVD, and we're left with the final 4 of RVD, Rey, HHH and Orton. They battle as heels and faces until Rey is thrown into RVD, eliminating him. Orton and HHH try to double team Rey, but he counters it. He then hits them with a double 619, but his progress is stopped by a huge clothesline from HHH.

However, Rey gets rid of him too, and then we're down to Orton and Mysterio. HHH comes in and nails Mysterio, Orton goes to throw him over, but Rey holds on and flips him out with his legs for the win. A strange Rumble this. At the start, everyone goes out, and later on nobody does. There are large parts of the match when there are about 5 or 6 guys lying down which isn't very good. I know the story is qwuite touching, but outside of Michaels and the McMahon's this didn't really acheive very much, and I give it 7.4 out of 10

John Cena vs Edge (WWE Championship)

The fact that Cena got a WrestleMania style entrance made this a foregone conclusion, but Edge starts out in control, and he gets a 9 count for a count out, as well as hitting Cena with a spinning wheel kick whilst he was trying to shift the momentum.

Edge remains in firm control, and hits a missile dropkick. Cena briely gets Edge in an FU position, but Edge rakes his eyes, before Cena rolls through a crossbody attempt. However, Edge remains in control and he gets Cena in a sleeper.

Edge tries to hit a spear, but Cena moves and is then miraculously in control. He hits clotheslines and a five knuckle shuffle, and then Lita distracts the ref. Cena gets rid of her then hits the FU followed by thre STFU. This match is a classic example of why people hate Cena. He's instantly fine after having been beaten up by Edge for most of the match. There's no hint of it being any trouble, which there really should be. I genuinely believe that that aspect of ring psychology is what Cena is missing from being an all time legend.

Nevertheless, despite the obvious outcome, the wrestling wasn't too bad. It would have been a lot better if Cena had got a bit of offense in early on, rather than just taking it, because it was obvious where it was going as a result and the match suffered. I give it 7.2 out of 10

Mark Henry vs Kurt Angle (World Heavyweight Championship)

Henry is probably the only man that contends with Hardcore Holly as a shit PPV title contender. The match begins with Henry dominating Angle, with a lot of slow big man moves. Then Angle gets the Ankle lock in, then Henry breaks out.

Angle manages to get a german suplex in, then an Angle slam, then an ankle lock but he powers out and forces him into the ref. Angle then ***** Daivari with a chair, before attempting and then successfully hitting Henry with the chair twice. He then tries to pin Henry to no avail, so he takes the turnbuckle cover off, and drop toe holds Mark Henry into it, before holding onto the rope for the win.

That was abysmal. Angle couldn't win without cheating, despite the fact that Henry never did anything wrong for the win. His cheating wasn't comical Eddie cheating, it was just shit cheating. There was nothing good about this outside of both men's feats of strength. Crap match, and it scores 4.1 out of 10

Production and extras

We start, as we usually do,with a video package bigging up the event. However, unlike in previous years, they talk about the rumble, and the two title matches on the same level. After that, we get a big entry for the Rumble event, as we see a colloseum themed arena, which is nice. We are then introduced to our announce teams of Cole and Tazz on Smackdown, Joey Styles and Jerry Lawler on Raw and the Spanish announce team.

Our first segment shows Vince being a pervert followed by Orton and Triple H drawing their numbers. HHH has a low on and Orton has a high one. We then see Mickie James telling Trish Stratus that she loves her. What is it with the Rumble and lesbian angles?

We get another rumble number selection, and we see Vince being a pervert again. Big Show comes out and cracks a few funnies, before Rey comes out and everyone talks about Eddie Guerrero. Later we see Shelton and his momma picking his number, before MNM get theirs. Both Shelton and MNM claim that they are going to throw Shawn Michaels out. Vince then returns to being a pervert, ain't that cute?

Before the rumble itself we see a video for the contenders and find out that Cole and Lawler will be on commentary. I think Styles and Tazz would have been a much better idea, but whatever. The video shows that there are a great deal of contenders in this match, which is a plus point. Then we get a spirit squad demonstration, which is irritating, but I suppose that's the point.

After the Rumble we see Edge rain on Mysterio's parade, followed by the Edge and Cena story on video. That was very good, but then we see a huge entrance ramp lower to the arena for John Cena, and it becomes painfully obvious who is going to win this match. After the match we see an interview with an angry Lita, broken up by Jim Duggan and we see Kurt Angle have an interview with his gumsheild in, which isn't very wise, having seen Henry power out of an ankle lock on a graphic.

After the main event we probably get the most frightening Undertaker appearance of all time. He destroys the ring, having come out on horseback, and signals that he is after Angle's title.

All in all, some good production here. The segments were by and large quite effective, and the pacing of all but the Boogeyman match was good. Too much creepy Vince though, and Boogeyman shouldn't have been on the card. Everything else was tippity top though, and Styles is an excellent commentator. I give this production 8.0 out of 10

Overview

Quite simply not very good. None of the matches were classics, and there was a lot of shit on the card. The main event was pisspoor and the JBL vs Boogeyman match was diabollical. If it had lasted longer than 2 minutes, it would have got an embarassing score, as it was it still didn't get very much.

The rumble and the other title match were average, and I feel that I was generous with the divas, but I still give this Rumble a horrendously low score.

I give this event 64 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 2007

So, we reach the last DVD in the anthology, and also the first with three brands. This is when ECW was stilll being taken reasonably seriously as a genuine third brand, so it should be unique in that respect. That being said, it was also a time when we had the brand divisions beginning to break up, with MNM and The Hardys facing off.

MNM vs The Hardys

We retutrn to the old tradition of beginning a PPV with a tag match that has no real reason. Of course, there was a bit of a story here, as Joey Mercury looks like the Phantom of the Opera. There's a bit of back and forth to begin with and then Joey Mercury and Johnny Nitro work on Matt's face throughout the early stages.

However, Jeff gets the hot tag, and the momentum shifts connsiderably, with Jeff hitting a whisper in the wind. The Hardys hit a double top rope move, but Nitro gets his knees up. I always thought that MNM were probably better than Miz and Morrison. They looked the part a lot more, and I think their in ring chemistry was better.

After that point, MNN start working on Jeff, mostly with Joey Mercury beating down on his similarly badly haircutted foe before Nitro gets a hold on. Jeff makes the tag, but the ref doesn't see so MNM drag him back to their corner. Eventually, he makes the hot tag, and Matt takes out both of MNM, with a bulldog for one and a clothesline for the other.

They're about to go for a snapshot, but Jeff breaks it up. There's a poetry in motion, a failed one followedby a roll up, Matt gives a twist of fate, Jeff a swanton after a subtle tag and The Hardys win.

I enjoyed this, it was another good match to open with. I'm a big fan of both teams, particularly MNM, and the end to this match genuinely made it a bit of an uncertain conclusion in my opinion. I enjoyed it, it was good fun, and a pretty great example of a generic tag match. That being said, it was generic, so I give it 7.9 out of 10

Test vs Bobby Lashley (ECW Championship)

This event was three years ago. There are 10 men in the undercard, 2 of them are dead, another 4 have left the company. If that doesn't show the level of turnover in the company, I don't know what does.

Anyway, this starts off with Lashley dominating, until Test throws him into the ring post. Fortunately, this happens early in the day, because, to be honest, periods of Lashley domination are pretty boring. Test puts a few holds on, before hitting a few moves into Lashley's injured arm.

However, Lashley hits a back body drop and tries to life Test, but hit arm gives way. Test goes for a big move on Lashley, but Lashley suplexes him, and then Test goes out of the ring and just loses by countout on purpose, which is a ******ed ending, because why would a heel after the ECW championship want to lose? It doesn't make any sense whatsoever. If he didn't want the title and was afraid of Lashley, he wouldn't have wanted the match.

Other than that, there wasn't too much wrong with it. For the match itself, Lashley sold his shoulder well, but he did miraculously recover as soon as the bell had rung. As I said the match, though dull, wasn't that bad so I'll give it 6.1 out of 10

Mr. Kennedy vs Batista (World Heavyweight Championship)

I think 2007 could have been the big breakout year for Kennedy. He was never likely to win this match, but they did big him up as a man who had beaten former World Champions. He is in control early on in this match and he works on Batista's knee.

He varies up his offense a bit, including putting on some sort of inverted figure four on and then beating him in the corner. Kennedy does it for a while, until Batista takes him out. However, unlike Cena the year before, he still looks hurt. Kenedy actually manages to briefly reverse the offense, and could have won if the referee hadn't gone down.

Batista gets the momentum and then he manages to get the win. This match certainly helped to make Kennedy look good, and that sort of rub is something you rarely see out of Batista. It was actually a reasonably good showing from two men that are usually berated for their in ring work, and I give it 7.5 out of 10

Umaga vs John Cena (Last Man Standing match for the WWE Championship)

The match begins with Umaga being a brute and beating Cena up. He doesn't do anything particularly cool, he just hits a few punches and that. Cena suffers a couple of 6 counts, before Umaga puts the stairs in the ring. Cena picks them up and launches them back at him, and he gets a count begun. However, the respite isn't very long and Cena is down again before long.

Umaga then goes and gets the heavier stairs into the ring. He sets them up in the corner, and puts Cena on them, and preperares to do his running arse smash on them. Cena moves out of the way, and clouts him on the head with the stairs for an 8 count. He tries a top rope move, but Umaga gives him a black hole slam.

Umaga comes after him for a bit, but Cena low blows him then slams him on the steps. He hits a 5 knuckle shuffle, but when he tries to hit an FU, his head gets trapped between Umaga and the ring steps. Cena's bleeding, but he's up at 9. Umaga beats on him for a while, and we get another 8 count. Cena then hulks up a bit, but then he gets slammed by Umaga again.

He hangs Cena from the rope, but Cena stis up, then he hits his leg drop, and throws Umaga into the ring post. He hits Umaga on the head with a TV monitor. Umaga gets up at 8, and then Cena throws him out of the ring, but Umaga throws him into the ringpost for his efforts. Umaga puts him on the ECW announce table, and then runs accross all the announce tables before splashing himself through the table, after Cena moves. That was a really original and well performed spot, but somehow, Umaga's up at 9.

Armando Estrada slackens up the ring ropes and tells Umaga to use the ring ropes to hit Cena. Cena uses Umaga's momentum to FU him, before hitting the STFU with the slackened ropes, choking Umaga. Umaga passes out and Cena gets the win.

All in all, I found this very enjoyable. Cena had developed much better ring psychology since the year before, and the manner in which he won here was reasonably believable, and was acheived without making Umaga look like a chump. It was good, innovative and enjoyable, so I shall give it 8.3 out of 10

Royal Rumble

The Rumble begins with Flair and Finlay. It's funny, in 1993, I was including Flair in a list of old men in the early entrants, and here he is 14 years later with someone else old. Dykstra is out next, and he gets slapped a lot by Flair before then putting up a decent show. Matt Hardy and Edge are out next, and Edge teams with Dykstra to get rid of Flair before getting rid of Dykstra himself.

Tommy Dreamer and Sabu are out next, and Sabu sets up a table outside before going into the ring. Helms and Shelton Benjamin join the fray next, before Kane comes out and eliminates Dreamer then puts Sabu through his own table, eliminating him in the process.

CM Punk comes out next, and goes straight for Edge, and he is followed by King Booker. Booker eliminates Helms immediately, and we're down to 7 until Super Crazy enters at number 13 and he is followed by Jeff Hardy. The Hardys take out Edge, and then they hit a big move on Super Crazy before giving Kane a poetry in motion. Sandman comes out next with a cane. He hits a few people, but Booker T throws him out pretty quickly.

Randy Orton is out next, and he and Edge get rid of Super Crazy straight away. They then both eliminate the Hardys. Benoit comes out next at number 17, followed by RVD. Shortly after his entrance, Kane eliminates Booker T, who re enters the ring and gets rid of Kane. I've always thought it was weird that people struggle for ages to eliminate people, but as soon as they themselves are eliminated they are some how able to get rid of people with ease.

Anyway, Viscera is out next, and Johnny Nitro is out next, and he gets beaten by Edge and Orton before Kevin Thorn makes his entry. Hardcore Holly is out next, but he doesn't really make an impact. It's interesting that there are a lot of people still in the ring, but unlike last year, they are all doing something. Shawn Michaels is out next, and he gets rid of Finlay. He superkicks Viscera and then everyone else teams up to get rid of him. Michaels then throws Benjamin out, before Masters makes his appearance.

Johnny Nitro goes out soon afterwards at the hands of Benoit, before Chavo Guerrero comes out next. As he arrives, Benoit eliminates Kevin Thorn. MVP comes out at RVD gets rid of Chris Masters. Carlito comes out next, and he is followed by The Great Khali. Khali nails everyone, rather unconvincingly, and then he throws out Hardcore Holly, Chris Benoit and then The Miz, who had only just arrived, followed by RVD, CM Punk, Carlito and CHavo.

However, The Undertaker comes out at number 30, and he manages to eliminate Khali and MVP, and we have a final four of Taker, HBK and Rated-RKO, all of whom had a legitmate chance to win. Orton hits Taker with a chair, but he catches Edge trying to hit him. Orton RKO's Michaels, but then Rated-RKO go afte Undertaker. Taker fights back, until he gets hit with a chair by Edge. Edge then goes to get another chair, and Orton has set Taker up for a conchairto, but Michaels manages to eliminate them both before they can do it, and both Taker and Michaels are in the ring.

Both of them do their characteristic sitting up moves, and Michaels punches Taker in the corner a few times, but then they swap places, and then back again. Michaels has Taker on the apron, but he can't get him out. They then punch each other in the centre of the ring, until Taker boots him in the face.

They fight through signatures in a real tete a tete contest, and the match ends when Taker reverses the superkick into an elimination. It was solid until the final four, with a lot of things going on. Booker and Kane, Rated-RKO tension and perhaps even Dykstra and Flair were the stories to come out of this. It is probably my second favourite Rumble match of all time, only hampered by a lack of surprises and as a result I give it 9.1 out of 10

Production and extras

Yet another well produced introduction video that focusses on the Rumble, but also gives a bit of time to each of the title matches, including the ECW one, which is quite a nice touch. This is followed by the introduciton to the commentary teams of JR and King for Raw, Cole and JBL for Smackdown and Tazz and Joey Styles for ECW.

Each of the teams have some good commentary together, and I think JBL was underrated as a commentator for his tenure.

Before the tag match, we get highlights of the injuries inflicted to Joey Mercury and Matt Hardy, which is enough to explain this match in actuality. Following the match we get a number drawing segment, which is a bit of an amusing one with Rated-RKO, Kelly Kelly and King Booker. After that we get an explanatory package of the ECW title match, which is quite comprehensive.

We then get a segment seeing John Cena deny that he is unfit to fight, before we see a package bigging up the Mr. Kennedy and Batista match. After that match we get another comedy segment at the number draw. This time, however, it relies on some of the WWE's purpose built comedy characters, who aren't very funny at all. This is followed by a video highlighting the Cena and Umaga fight.

After Cena vs Umaga, we get another number selection skit, but it's another shit one. Then we get a video bigging up the rumble which is very good. We find that the Rumble team is the Smackdown announcers plus Jerry Lawler, who do well together.

The production of this event was really good. The chemistry between the three teams was apparent, and every match was well placedand explained. The arena was well decked out, though not quite as innovatively as the year before, and the segments were better than last year. Two of them weren't as funny as intended, but I still think it's good for 9.1 out of 10.

Overview

A very good event this one, that acheives a much more balanced product than the previous years. Every match got a chance, and none of them were particularly poor. The ECW title was the only letdown of any sorts, but that is to be expected. I really enjoyed it from start to finish and there have been few PPVs that have acheived that in my life. A solid show, and it thoroughly deserves the score it gets.

I give this PPV 82 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 2008

Gee whizz, straight into the next one, as I try and catch up with my past mistakes. This Rumble was the point at which I started watching modern wrestling regularly again after a 6 year Lesnar enforced hiatus. It is also one of the two single PPVs I own on DVD along with 2009, but don't read into that one too much. If I trail off during the main event match, it's because Fulham are at home, and I will have to leave during it.

Ric Flair vs MVP (Career threatening match)

Flair was old and looking pretty haggard by this point, and I often think that the mark of a good Flair match at this point was the ability of the opponent to try and work within his obvious limitations.

We see a few quick holds in either direction to begin with, but then MVP regains control, hitting a few big moves, and then putting Flair in a hold. He continues to dominate either side of a failed figure four attempt. MVP hits a drive by kick, but Flair gets a foot on the rope during the pin attempt.

MVP continues to dominate, but then Flair hits a few knife edge chops. However, MVP is back into it, and he hits the playmaker, or he tries to, until Flair turns it into a figure four for the win.

This match was better than a lot of Ric Flair matches of this period, presumably because he didn't do anything, nor did he take about 70 back body drops. It wasn't a world beater, but they kept it short, and MVP didn't look any worse for losing, so I give it 7.1 out of 10

Chris Jericho vs JBL

The match begins with a pretty brutal onslaught from JBL, as Jericho is getting hurt. He chokes out Jericho on the ropes and he throws him out of the ring early on. Eventually, despite fighting back, Jericho is covered in blood. Jericho manages to hit a lionsault, but then JBL takes them both out of the ring. He continues to hit Jericho, until Jericho ***** him with a chair and loses by DQ.

I kept this short, because short of explaining each punch, nothing really happens. It wasn't that it was bad, it was just a brawl. It wasn't very much to write home about, but it wasn't terrible by the same token. I think this feud may have been what killed Jericho's Save Us momentum, but I don't think that is either man's fault. Any match that JBL dominates isn't ever going to be brilliant though, and I give this 6.6 out of 10

Edge vs Rey Mysterio (World Heavyweight Championship)

Mysterio comes to the ring with some new shit tattoos and a child's armour helmet, which is bizarre, to say the least. They then begin to face off, and Mysterio has the early run of it, using his speed to dumbfound Edge until Edge slides him out of the ring. The referee send Hawkins and Ryder to the back, and then Rey gets back into it, until Edge boots him in the knee after moving as Rey runs towards the corner.

Edge dominates for a while, but Rey manages to get a 619 attempt, but as he is hopping he can't connect in time. Rey is punished for a while longer, but he manages to get a bulldog in and he is right back into the match. He hits a few more moves, and even hits a double footed stomp from the top rope on Egde.

He slides towards Edge on the outside and hits a big DDT on Edge, but as he runs towards Edge, he gets taken out. Still he makes a few reversals and then he hits a 619 but Vickie breaks up the pinfall attempt. She then blocks the next 619, and Edge spears Rey in mid air, and wins the match.

This was a good match, but I'm not sure Edge clicks with Mysterio as much as some other people. This was before every single Edge match ended in the same bullshit fashion, so there isn't really a problem with this one. It was a good win for Edge, and a good match overall, so I give it 7.8 out of 10

Maria kiss cam

This segment was putting Ashley and Maria, both of whom are pretty fucking attrocious on public show. It also had Big Dick Johnson, who is neither funny nor entertaining. However, it also has Santino when he was at his comedic best. I think he saves this from being terrible, and the fact that it was quite short saved it from being a massive blot on the event, but it certainly wasn't much of a treat, and I could have done without it. I give it 4.3 out of 10

Jeff Hardy vs Randy Orton (WWE Championship)

The match begins with Orton and Hardy battling away in the ring, before Hardy gets a near fall. Orton gets back into it, but Orton ends up outside of the ring, and Hardy forces his head back into the barriers. Hardy attacks him outside of the ring.

Jeff remains in control for a while, but then Orton begins to seize control once more. He forces Hardy into the ring post, before getting him in a hold. He continues to dominate and gets a near fall before putting Hardy in a headlock.

However, Hardy manages to hit a whisper in the wind, but Orton manages to kick out. He does all of his signatures, and is about to hit a Swanton when Orton rolls out of the way. Hardy manages to hit him out of the ring and then he moonsaults to the outside to knock Orton off his feet once again.

They're back in the ring, and he's about to hit a Twist of Fate, but Orton hits the RKO for the win. This was a good match, and part of that is because it was relatively short. Orton is far too boring to be able to last any longer than that without a million headlocks and stomps. This wasn't like that though, and there were no stomps and few headlocks. Keep Orton under 15 minutes, and you get a decent match. Otherwise you get "methodical" which is code for "dog shit". As I said though, I enjoyed this, and I'll give it 8.1 out of 10

Royal Rumble

We begin with last year's final two, Michaels and Undertaker who battle in a manner less entertaining than the year before. The next man out is Santino, who is immediately eliminated. The next out is Great Khali, who's tenure is suprisingly short, as he is eliminated at the hands of the Undertaker, and we're back to Taker and Michaels.

The next man out is Hardcore Holly, who is becoming a bit of a staple in the rumble, for some reason. John Morrison is the next man out, followed by Tommy Dreamer, in the T-shirt of the PPV he is currently appearing on, as all the big stars do. The three shit guys battle away while Taker and Michaels do too.

Batista is the next man out, and he levels everybody except the Undertaker. Dreamer tries to hurt Batista, but he is eliminated. Hornswoggle is out next, but he hides under the ring. The next man out is Chuck Palumbo, who I had honestly completely forgotten about. Jamie Noble, who was feuding with him at the time, which I do remember now, goes straight for Palumbo, and is eliminated by him in the process.

The next man out is CM Punk who gets a good amount of offense in on everyone before being levelled. That being said, he manages to eliminate Chuck Palumbo. Cody Rhodes is out next and he saves Hardcore Holly from the clutches of The Undertaker, as they were tag champions at the time, for some reason.

Umaga is the next man out, and he gets rid of Hardcore Holly fairly nonchalantly. Snitsky, who probably has the most frightening music of all time is out next, followed by The Miz. Miz and Morrison work on Punk, and Taker goes after Umaga, to no avail. Shelton Benjamin is out at number 17 and he actually hits a few moves before being superkicked and eliminated for the third time in a row by Shawn Michaels.

The next man out is Jimmy Superfly Snuka, who hits a few headbutts and unconvincing clotheslines. Seeing Superfly punch Batista was quite bizarre. However, Piper is out next and everyone stops to watch Piper and Snuka fight each other in MSG, which is nice. Kane is out next, and gets rid of the old timers straight away.

Carlito is out next, and he hits a few people with moves, but by and large everyone is dealing with their own battles. The next man out is Mick Foley, and there are 11 people in the ring, and one dwarf under it. Mr. Kennedy is out next, attacking people all over the shop. He is chokeslammed by Undertaker though, who then proceeds to move around the ring slapping everyone. Undertaker gets rid of Snitsky, but Michaels hits him out and then Kennedy removes Michaels. Meanwhile, Big Daddy V is in the ring. Mark Henry is the next man out, and The Miz is eliminsted by Hornswoggle who makes an appearance from under the ring.

The next man out is Chavo, and in many ways this put the final nail in the ECW as a legitimate brand coffin. Chavo's presence as ECW Champion put it on an official lower status than the others. Morrison goes out at the hands of Kane, and the big fatties bring Hornswoggle to the ring. Finlay runs out before he is supposed to for the save, and the two of them leave. Apparently Finlay was DQ'd and Hornswoggle just left, which was bizarre, especially in a match that is normally no DQ.

The next man out is Elijah Burke, and nobody really cares. Chavo eliminates CM Punk from the match next, before Triple H makes his way out to the ring. He immediately eliminates Cody Rhodes, Big Daddy V, Foley and Burke. Then it happens, John Cena makes probably the most surprising return in the history of the Rumble, in terms of currently active competitors. Cena eliminates Carlito, Chavo and Mark Henry.

While both Triple H's and Cena's entries looked good, it meant that there had to be scores of people in the ring until they got there. It would have been a lot better if Triple H arrived around 23 or so. Batista and Triple H get rid of Kennedy, Umaga and Kane between them and we are left with those two and Cena. They all do their signature taunts, before starting to square off in genuinely three way action.

Triple H eliminates Batista and he and Cena face off again and hit each other. Cena hits 5 Knuckle Shuffle and then they tease finishers before being taken out by a shared clothesline. HHH hits a DDT, but he can't throw him over. They tease finishers until Cena FU's HHH out of the ring.

The Rumble was god in some ways, and poor in others. For the most part everything was a big deal and the people carrying out the eliminations were well thought out. I only wish Triple H had arrived to the fray earlier because the build up towards the end was too much. I enjoyed it, and the Cena surprise was a real surprise, and Snuka and Piper was nice. As a result I give it 8.1 out of 10




Production and Extras

The event begins discussing the Rumble, with a video set in a train carriage, which is quite original. There is no talk of the title matches, and we go straight into the arena where we here Michael Cole and Coachman, the Smackdown team, on commentary. Coach is an attrocious commentator in my opinion, but he's much less irritating as a face.

The Flair match is preceeded with a promo, rather than a video package, which is probably more interesting, to be honest with you.

The arena is probably my favourite design they've ever had. There is plenty of flash, but more importantly, there is the short entrance ramp, so entrants are straight in the match. This means that we don't miss portions of the match when people enter the ring, which is a good thing.

After the first match, we get a backstage segment with Vince and Hornswoggle, which is broken up by Finlay. Mr. Kennedy still owes us for having to endure that. We're then introduced to JR and King, who will be calling the Raw matches. These two still have chemistry, even if they have become a little cliche laden.

After the Jericho match we go straight to a segment with Ashley and Santino before the result is announced. This is pretty much inexcusable, just to set up a Playboy pictorial two months before the event. This is made up for by the video story we get hyping the Mysterio and Edge encounter.

Before kiss cam, we get quite a good segment with a range of good talkers and Batista, who fortunately says very little. After kiss cam, we get a big build up for the Orton vs Hardy match, which highlights both of their careers as well as the feud, although it is preceded by Mike Adamle introducing it, which isn't very good. The differences in styles of the video highlights the differences in the men themselves, which is quite clever, I suppose.

Tazz and Joey Styles turn up for the Royal Rumble and we get a package showing the numbers of the Royal Rumble. I'm sure you've seen it. Then we get Buffer introducing the Rumble, despite clearly not having a fucking clue what he is talking about, quite embarrassing. When the match begins itself, we get all 6 of the commentators doing the Rumble, which I think is really good, because it has a group of mates chatting kind of feel to it, as a Rumble should. That being said, Styles seemed a little lost sometimes.

The production was quite good overall, but the lack of ECW matches made the brand look second rate. The arena design was good and the commentary was decent. Adamle is terrible, and the missing of the end and not really explaining the Jericho and JBL angle was a little ******ed. I therefore give this production a worthy 8.3 out of 10

Overview

Consistent is what I'd call it. The Kiss Cam segment let it down as did the lack of anything of a top notch quality level. There was nothing about it that I wanted more of, although the Hardy vs Orton match was a lot better than I was expecting. In short, this was good but not great.

I give this event 74 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 2009

Well here we are, the final retrospective Royal Rumble that I will review. This was the first event I ever took part in an LD for on these forums, at least in my recollection. This is not an event that I remembered fondly last year, but maybe we'll see differently in the flesh.

Matt Hardy vs Jack Swagger (ECW Championship)

The match begins with Hardy taking Swagger into the corner and then vice versa. Hardy then gets in control of proceedings, and they briefly go outside. Swagger goes out on one occaision in order to regroup. When he gets back to the ring, he gets Hardy in a hold. Hardy breaks out, and they get into a couple of other ones.

Swagger then begins to dominate in a number of ways, mostly beating down on Hardy. Hardy has a couple of brief fightbacks, but most of them are rebuffed fairly easily by Swagger. Hardy then gets back to it a little bit more convincingly, but Swagger pushes him off the top rope.

Swagger continues to work on Hardy's left arm for a whie, but he manages to get a proper foothold in the match. He does a bulldog a second rope elbow. He goes for a twist of fate, but Swagger turns it into a belly to belly for a two count.

Hardy gets a more serious string of offense in, including a moonsault, but he is thrown into the ring rope and Swagger hits a gut wrench powerbomb for the win. This was a decent enough opening bout, and I think that it set up later events very well. The match itself was a little slow paced at times, and I'm not sure that Swagger had enough experience at these longer matches at that stage. Still, it is good for 7.4 out of 10

Melina vs Beth Phoenix (WWE Women's Championship)

The match starts with Beth using the power game. Santino at ring side is probably the centrepiece, but in the ring, Melina has moved into an innovative arm bar. However, Beth powers out, and then hits a couple of power moves.

She then puts her in some sort of leg lock, which actually looks moderately painful, thanks to Melina's flexibility. She starts hitting her in the back of her head with her own leg, which even if it doesn't legitimately hurt, it certainly looks like it did, and it was very original.

Beth then tries a gorilla press slam, but Melina breaks out, she then tries a few big moves of her own, culminating in a facebuster. Beth then hits a couple of moves, and ducks an attempt at Melina's finisher, but as Beth tries to hit the glam slam, Melina turns it into a roll up. This is one of the best Diva's matches that the WWE has put on for years, and if there was a bit more selling, it would be a solid 8. As it is, I give it 7.9 out of 10

John "Bradshaw" Layfield vs John Cena (World Heavyweight Championship)

JBL has been just about every type of person at the Rumble, from fodder, to lower card match, to upper card match, to defending champion. Here he is as a contender for the first, and what would ultimately be the last time. He also has the largest breasts that he had in the story to this point. Shawn Michaels, JBL's employee, is standing at ringside througout the match.

The match starts very stand offish, and little at all happens early on. Michaels completely ignores a pin attempt, and JBL whispers in his ear. When JBL comes back to the ring, he is intially in control, but Cena gets back into it, and gets another pin attempt in. JBL leaves the ring, and Cena chases him, but hesitates when he almost clouts Michaels. JBL punches in the back of the head, and then takes him into the ring to dominate.

JBL puts him in a few holds and stuff, before taking him out of the ring and whipping him into the steps. He puts him back into the ring, and attempts a superplex. Cena punches him away, and he falls into the centre of the ring. Cena hits his leg drop for a two count, and then runs at him in the corner, but JBL boots him in the face. It doesn't last long though, as Cena tackles him before he hits his clotheslines, protoplex and five knuckle shuffle, but JBL breaks out of the Attitude Adjustment. However, JBL is put into the STF. Michaels doesn't move the ropes towards him as he asks, but as Cena tries to get rid of him, JBL pushes him away and Michaels lowers the rope.

When Cena gets back into the ring, JBL hits the clothesline from hell. It's only a two count, and then the referee gets knocked down, and out of the ring. Both men end up down on the ground, and Michaels comes into the ring. He superkicks JBL when both men get up, but then he does it to Cena too, and puts JBL's arm over Cena before walking away.

Another referee runs in, but Cena kicks out. Cena then hits the Attitude Adjustment and wins. This match wasn't a horrendous encounter, and the Michaels factor made it iteresting, but even writing this, I can't remember anything about the first 12 minutes, so I am loathe to give it any more than 6.5 out of 10

Jeff Hardy vs Edge (World Heavyweight Championship)

During the intros, Vickie makes the match a no-DQ match. When the match actually starts, Jeff is dominant, as Chavo Guerrero stands at ringside. A lot of people, especially those in the audience, thought that Christian might appear in this match. Some to this day think that was originally the plan until the IWC guessed it. Possibly, but it seems unfair to punish Christian with a year in ECW as a result. Anyway, sidetracked there.

Jeff Hardy remains in control, hitting some big moves, for a long while, but then Edge slides into his face and is on top. He bashes Hardy's head on all of the announce tables. He then puts him in the ring and starts hitting him with moves. Hardy hits a brief sunset flip, but it is pretty much all Edge at this stage. Edge gets him in a waistlock, but even after Hardy breaks out, he's right on his back again.

Eventually, he's back into it for long enough, and he goes straight to the top rope, but he is dropkicked for his efforts. Edge goes and gets two chairs, but Hardy tackles him off the apron. He follows him out of the ring, and then hits a twist of fate off the apron. He then gets an enormous ladder from under the ring. Chavo finally does something, but Hardy throws him off the ladder. Hardy puts Chavo on the announce table, then jumps off the ladder onto him.

Hardy gets back into the ring, but Edge manages to turn the tables once again, and exposes the turnbuckle. However, it backfires then Hardy hits the whisper in the wind. Edge kicks out and hits an Edgeucation for a two count, but then Hardy is on top again. He tries to hit his corner kick thing, but Edge blasts his face into the turnbuckle.

However, his spear attempt is reversed into a twist of fate, and Vickie Guerrero appears. She stops the swanton briefly, but Jeff hits hit. She pulls the referee out of the ring, but then Matt appears. He dispatches Vickie, and tells Jeff to get another chair. However, he hits Jeff with the chair and then lets Edge win.

Someone in the LD saw it coming last year, but most people didn't. Matt turned on Jeff and we got that match at Mania. The ending was interesting, and the match was on the whole entertaining, though it was very spotty with hardly any transition moves at all, I liked it and I'll give it 8.1 out of 10

Royal Rumble

We begin by being told it's 90 second entries, which has been the norm for quite some time now, which is good, as I think it's probably the best time. We begin in earnest with John Morrison and Rey Mysterio, who later went on to have the match of the year in many people's opinion. Not mine, I didn't see it. That being said, they make for a very entertaining starting duo, with both people having near misses.

Carlito is out next, and he continues in the fast paced opening to the match. He has a near miss before hitting a double springboard move, looks like he's trying this year, which is nice. MVP is out next, having recently turned face. He too gets involved in the fast paced beginning to this match, which is currently looking like a microcosm of a WCW PPV, with the little fast guys on first. Don't worry though, they'll soon be overshadowed by people less entertaining, like they would have been in WCW, as The Great Khali makes his way to the ring.

He hits everyone with some unconvincing clotheslines, before waiting for the next man out, who is Vladimir Kozlov. Kozlov quickly eliminates Khali, and again, he has a short tenure, which is nice. Kozlov then gets rid of MVP and Carlito, before Triple H makes his way to the ring. HHH goes straight for Kozlov, and eventually eliminating him. However, Randy Orton is out next and we see a prelude to the shit WrestleMania match as he goes for HHH. However, all four of them take each other out, before JTG comes out, having used a two headed coin to dupe his partner.

Ted DiBiase is out next, and he has the worst entrance music of all time. Morrison and JTG have a cool hanging on spot, matched seconds later by DiBiase and Mysterio. We're up to number 11 already, and Chris Jericho is on his way to the arena. Mike Knox is out next, beard in tow, and he goes straight for Mysterio. Not a great deal happens before Miz comes out. He and Morrison are RKO'd by Orton, followed by JTG. HHH pedigrees Orton, before throwing out Miz and Morrison. Mysterio is thrown out, but he runs on the aformentioned's backs to get back in without touching the floor, before Finlay makes his appearance. Cody Rhodes is out next, with the same terrible entrance music as DiBiase, and they team up with Orton to go after Orton.

Mysterio tries a springboard move, but Orton hits him with an RKO. Then The Undertaker makes his appearance in the match, and everyone poos their pants, but he doesn't eliminate anyone. Goldust is the next man out, to much less of a reaction. Cody Rhodes and Goldust face off, but Orton hits him with an RKO, and then he tells Cody to eliminate him, which he does.

CM Punk is out next, and he gets a high octane entrance, and he even puts Triple H to sleep. Mark Henry follows, and he too gets a big entrance without eliminating anyone. Shelton Benjami is out next, and we have 12 men in the ring. We then have 13 as William Regal, but Mysterio soon puts us back to 12 as he eliminates Mark Henry.

We're back to 13 in no time as Kofi Kingston makes his way to the ring next, and we see two guys in the front row pretending to fight each other. Good times. Taker then gets rid of Shelton Benjamin, before Kane makes his way to the ring. Kane and Taker nail loads of people, while CM Punk eliminates Regal. R-Truth is out next, followed by RVD, and I think we have 14 in the ring at once, until The Brian Kendrick comes out, and we're up to an astonishing 15 in the ring, but Kofi makes it short lived.

Kendrick himself doesn't last very long, and Dolph Ziggler is out next. He's also eliminated next, as Kane launches him over the top. Santino is the next person in, and he breaks the Warlord's record, immediately being eliminated by Kane. Jim Duggan is out next, and the Rumble's first ever winner actually unleashes on a few people, before The Big Show makes his way to the ring, at number 30. When he gets to the ring, we have half the participants still left, but somehow it worked, there wasn't an overkill.

Big Show eliminates Duggan, R-Truth and CM Punk, fairly quickly before Mysterio and Knox take each other out with more than an assist from Show. Kane throws Finlay out next, and we still have a shitload of people. Jericho gets rid of RVD, but then Taker takes him out. Legacy then remove Jericho, and we have a final 6 of Legacy plus Taker, Show and HHH.

Taker and show start punching each other, eventually eliminating him, but then Show pulls him out, and we have our final four. Clearly, its either going to be a bullshit win for HHH, or Orton's going to win. Orton, who the entire build up was centred around or HHH. I hate it when any of the final four have no chance, but here 2 of them had absolutely no chance and if the other won it would have been bullshit, so the match is all but over. HHH gets rid of Priceless, but Orton wins.

A strange one this, they had all the things I hate in it - big build up, good people clustered too closely, no predictability, shit final four, but there was somehting about it that was good. The opening 8 minutes or so were really good fun, and the rest of it threw up some nice parts. As a resuly of its copious flaws and predicability though, I shall give it 7.6 out of 10


Production and Extras

We begin with a brief retrospective of Rumble moments, but then we get a lengthy package talking about Orton attacking Vince McMahon. Cole and Lawler, tonight's Raw commentators, tell us that the show must go on. Before the ECW match we are introduced to their team, consisting of Matt Striker and Todd Grisham.

Grisham is a bit of a dweeb, but he manages to find some degree of chemstry with Matt Striker, who had learnt his craft very well by this point. We get our first good look at the Raw commentators in the women's title match. Neither of them have fully descended into cliché, but there is absolutely no chemistry, and LAwler basically just repeats what has happened, rather than offering anything interesting. We don't get to see the Smackdown duo of Tazz and JR until during the final undercard match. They pretty much do their own things during the match, but they sell the Matt Hardy heel turn very well by being understated in what happened. Too often these days commentators are sensationalist.

We get a good look at the arena for the first time, and it is in keeping with the Road to WrestleMania theme. It actually looks very good, and it is a bit different, which is always a plus point. After the first match, we get a showing of Orton's arrival. I remember thinking that Orton couldn't possibly win, because it was too obvious, in hindsight, I shouldn't have overestimated the WWE.

We get our first video package for the World Heavyweight Championship match, including JBL's jiggly boobs in slow mo, and this is followed by a segment in the dressing room between HBK and JBL, followed by The Undertaker sowing the seeds of their match at WrestleMania. Before the WWE title match, we get a similary comprehensive, but much more suitably shorter.

Before the Rumble we get an interview with Orton, broken up by Jericho. Jericho talks solely about Orton, which makes him literally the only person that has had any build whatsoever before the match itself. We get to the Rumble itself, and JR and Lawler are out as the commentators.

Lawler and Jr obviously have chemistry, but Jim Ross makes the kinds of mistakes that people berated Adamle for.

The production of this event will not score well. The commentary teams were the worst they had been for years, only two matches got decent build up packages, and one of them was overlong. The entire event was geared towards the most obvious winner in history, and as a result, it can only get the score it does in spite of haing good match times, good quantity of backstage segments, and excellent set design. I give it 7.1 out of 10

Overview

This was all in all a solid event that was let down by the predicability of the main event winner. 1991's winner was obvious, but it was accomodated for by at least giving some suggestion of a possible alternative. This year was Orton through and through and that was a shame. The rest of the card and even the match itself was of decent enough quality though, so it hasn't done too badly.

I give this event 74 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Royal Rumble 2010

I decided to wait a few days to do this year's show. Firstly, I didn't want to do it live, like I normally would because I wanted to be in the LD. Secondly, I wanted to leave a bit of a gap because I didn't want to be too harsh on anything just because I had seen it twice in quik succession, so you had to wait for this.

Christian vs Ezeikel Jackson (ECW Championship)

A year after the audience were clamouring for him, Christian finally returned to the Royal Rumble. He begins to dominate proceedings early on until Jackson hits a slam, and then begins to club Christian. He whips him to the corner a few times, but then Christian manages to get back into it.

It continues back and forth for a while, but then Regal gets sent to the back, and Jackson is out on his own. It doesn't affect him initially, as he is firmly dominating at this point. He hits a few big moves and puts Christian in a few holds, until Christian starts fighting back. Jackson is the kind of heel I like, because he mixes up his onslaught. Anyone can repeatedly stamp on someone or hold them in a half nelson for ages, but it is far more entertaining to see a bit of both.

Christian hits a few big moves as he gets back into the driving seat, hitting a couple of moves off the second rope, before missing a diving splash. Jackson hits a lariat, but Christian breaks out of his finisher attempt. Jackson gets a backbreaker in, but Christian gets back on top briefly with his tornado DDT. Jackson tries to fight back and does so, after a brief sleeper from Christian.

However, the fightback doesn't last long, and Christian gets a Killswitch in for the win. I think this match was a lot better than I thought it'd be. For a PPV debut, Jackson did immeasurably well, especially as he went 12 minutes. I don't think there are many people who could have a balanced one on one for this long without any repetition or long rest periods, so these two should be happy with themselves. Ezeikel Jackson is a bit of pace short of being the genuine article in the ring, and I think his mic work is alright too. I expect a big 2010 for that man, but right now, it's about this match and I give it 7.8 out of 10

The Miz vs MVP (WWE United States Championship)

The match begins at quite a fast pace and MVP is pretty much in control of proceedings. Eventually, The Miz just leaves the ring and walks around it, but MVP follows him out there. However, Miz knocks MVP off the apron into the announce table and then he begins to take control.

He puts MVP in a hold for a long while, but then MVP gets backinto it, and hits a few clotheslines and a horrendously artificial looking knee smash. He hits the ballin' elbow, followed by a big kick for a two count, but then Miz hangs him on the top rope. The return is brief as MVP hits a shoulder block, but he misses the drive by kick. He tries a few roll-up type pins, but Miz leaves the ring. MVP puts himback, but is rolled up for a defeat when he returns to the ring. He attacks Miz after the match.

A strange finish to this one. Miz won clean, but then MVP attacked him, which is weird. The match itself was quite good, but neither of these men are the greatest in ring performers of all time, and I'm not sure that the two of them ever clicked here. I give this match 7.2 out of 10

Sheamus vs Randy Orton

When Randy Orton comes out, he gets a massive cheer. I don't know why anyone ever cheers him. From a mark point of view, he's evil. From a smark point of view, he's shit and boring. The fact that anybody thinks he is good is a very strange one for me.

The match begins with a stare down and a pose from Sheamus. Orton breaks it with a dropkick, but then Sheamus hits a few punches. Orton leaves the ring, and then Sheamus hits a few punches. He then slams Orton's arm on the stairs. They get into the ring, and Sheamus works on Orton's arm before Orton trips him.

Orton then starts stamping on him, and he then puts Sheamus in some sort of leg lock. His arm is obviously fine. But wait, Sheamus has kicked him in the face, and now it isn't. Sheamus rams his shoulder into the post. Sheamus then repeatedly limps away from the corner, then sprints back towards it and shoulder blocks him into the corner.

After that onslaught, Orton's arm is miraculously better again, and he uses it to beat down Orton on the ring apron. He remembers his arm is supposed to hurt briefly, but then gets back to kicking Sheamus in his chest. Sheamus then starts to work on the arm again.

This kind of thing continues for a while, too much for me to be bothered discussing. Cody Rhodes punches Sheamus, but Orton still has time to hit an RKO before being disqualified. Which really didn't make much sense. After the match, he both berates and attacks Legacy, which he is cheered for, despite evidently being supposed to be irrational. Eventually Sheamus boots him, and that's that.

People talk about Orton's psychology all the time but this match is pretty much indicative of how wrong that is. He only sells the arm injury when he is down in the match, and he uses it consistently when he isn't. For someone who is so "methodical", he doesn't work on one part consistently, but instead varies the places he attacks, which is the polar opposite. Sheamus doesn't sell anything particularly well either, and the limp and sprint section of the match was particularly poor, but he did genuinely focus on one area of Orton's body in particular.

Selling isn't about holding your arm when your getting beaten down, it's about how it affects the rest of your performance in the match. The no-selling here is a lot worse than the stuff Cena gets shit for because when he comes back, he is back into the match, and that's that. Orton turned on and off being in pain which is ******ed. This was slow paced and shit. The ending was laborious and it didn't flow at all. Some aspects of it were reasonable, and Sheamus certainly came out of it looking a little better, but there's still something not quite buyable about him as world champion. The man needs to absolutely dominate in the Elimination Chamber if anyone will ever buy him. I give this match a generous 3.8 out of 10

Women's Championship segment

I decided to mark this from the point that McCool came to the ring to the very end of it all, because the match itself was obviously farcical. McCool is awful on the mic and unbearably annoying. After an age, Layla comes out in a fat suit which was less funny than the first time, then Mickie James comes and hurts her before winning in a Dieselesque time.

The face divas come out with a big cake and then they dump it on Layla and Michelle. Hilarious. This whole thing was abysmal, and Michelle McCool should never be allowed anywhere near a microphone. At least the girl getting called fat won out in the end, but that is about the only positive in this, and I give it 1.9 out of 10

Rey Mysterio vs The Undertaker (World Heavyweight Championship)

The Undertaker's entrance to the ring actually takes over three minutes, which is ridiculous. Anyway, he gets there in the end and we see that he has put too much eyeliner on and looks a bit like a prostitute as a result. Anyway, the match eventually begins and Rey goes straight for Taker before Taker throws him out of the ring.

He tries to vault back into the ring, but Taker punches him back out again. Taker then begins to dominate and he hits a leg drop on Mysterio. However, Mysterio turns a chokeslam attempt into the world's sloppiest hurricanrana. Taker catches the succeeding 619 attempt, he breaks out of the subsequent tombstone attempt, but he is soon back under the cosh as Taker hits a series of big boots until he accidentaly gets caught on the ring.

Mysterio hits an asai moonsault onto Taker, but again, it looks sloppy. The two go back and forth for a bit, but Taker's nose starts to bleed. However, he is still in control and he throws Mysterio to the rope. Mysterio begins a few fight backs, but Taker hits him with a few moves. Eventually, Rey hits back to back 619's but he is caught into a huge Last Ride and it's over.

Rey is one of my favourite WWE performers, but he really needs some good opponents that get his style. Taker is emphatically not this sort of worker and as a result this match looked very sloppy at times. Taker's offence was always good, and Mysterio was good on the receiving end, but when Mysterio was on top it looked quite awkward. Fortunately these times were kept constant, but as interludes, rather than a sustained slopfest. It could have been worse, but we've seen much better from both men in the last two years, so I give it 6.9 out of 10

Royal Rumble

We're told that this will be a 90 second entry rumble, but that isn't taken very seriously at all in this Rumble, worse than most in that respect. We start with Ziggler and Bourne, who aren't exactly the wave of the future, but they do have quite a solid opening segment, with Ziggler coming close to elimination, and Bourne too. They hit each other's finishers, and are both down when CM Punk makes his way out and quickly eliminates both of them.

He then starts to cut a promo, which I think is the first time we had seen talking in the Rumble since Honky Tonk Man in 2001. Punk is much better though. He briefly stops to fight with JTG, who he eliminates quite quickly before getting back onto the mic. The Great Khali comes out next. Punk tries to reason with Khali, but he hits him. Khali puts the vice lock on, but it looks horrendous, before Beth Phoenix makes her way out to the ring. Khali lifts her over the rope, and tells her to leave, but she pulls him out the way that Benoit did to The Big Show. She goes after Punk, but he sends her to sleep before dumping her over the top rope as Zack Ryder makes his way to the ring.

Punk tries to talk to him, but he just ***** him on the head with a microphone before eliminating him. He cuts another promo, but the next man out is Triple H. The CM Punk period of dominance that was the first quarter of the match is over, and it was very enjoyable. It had it all, talking, surprises, clever eliminations, strong performances and comically bad performances.

Soon after Triple H and Punk do their signature moves on each other, Drew McIntyre appears. Triple H eliminates CM Punk, and we're down to two for a short while until Ted DiBiase makes his way out to the ring. He and McIntyre beat down on Triple H, before John Morrison comes down to the ring, and he hits a few big moves on McIntyre until DiBiase goes for him. We're up to four men for the first time in the match, which is unusual. Kane is the next man out and he takes everyone out.

Cody Rhodes is out next, and we're up to 6 in the ring. MVP follows him out, but The Miz hits him with the belt. Legacy are trying to eliminate Triple H, but there's not much else going on. Carlito comes out next, and it is apparently his 5th entry in the Rumble. That seems incredible. Believable, but incredible nonetheless.

Miz is out next, but MVP returns and eliminates them both, which is quite good. Their entry and exit is followed by the arrival of Matt Hardy, who dishes out a twist of fate before Kane gets rid of him. Triple H then gets Kane out, and we're down to 6 as Triple H spinebusters everyone.

Michaels is out next, and he eliminates everyone but Triple H. Cena is out next and the three of them fight until Michaels kicks Triple H out of the match. Shelton Benjamin is out next, and he hits a few big moves, but Cena gets rid of him pretty quickly. Yoshi Tatsu is out, and he also gets a bit of offense in before being eliminated by Cena. The three ECW representatives in the match lasted a combined total of less than 2 minutes.

Anyway, Big Show and Mark Henry are the next two out, followed by Chris Masters, but Show eliminates him. R-Truth is out next and he eliminates Henry and Show in one go, which is a superb way to build a push for him. Jack Swagger is out at 26 and he hits some big moves on Cena and Michaels. Kingston is out after him, and he gets rid of Swagger and then R-Truth with a cool headscissors. Jericho comes out next, and levels everyone.

Kingston is eliminated by Cena, but not before he hits trouble in paradise on Michaels. Edge is out next and he spears everyone. He eliminates Jericho, but then Batista makes his way out. The final four is then Edge, Michaels, Batista and Cena. All of them are potential winners, and three of them are previous winners. I like it when the final four is a proper event, it just seems right, and these four put on a proper match, rather than quick fire eliminations between them.

Michaels dominates for a while, but he and Edge end up on the apron, before he superkicks Edge back into the ring, and Batista eliminates Michaels. Michaels goes crazy, attacks a referee, gets back into the ring, and then he kicks another referee. Cena then pulls the rope down for Batista to go out, and Edge attempts to spear Cena. Cena kicks him, but then Edge just throws him out for the win.

This Rumble was good. Often we see long periods of inactivity, but the start was boosted by Punk who ensured that the period of nobodies was still interesting. We saw a few stories develop with MVP and Miz, Michaels going mental, and then Edge and Jericho too. Edge's appearance may have been guessable, but few would have picked him to win. Beth Phoenix was another big surprise, but I could have done with an old timer coming back, it's always good fun.

It was interesting that nobody went particularly far into the match, which added something fresh. I think it was unpredicatble, it was good fun, and it was nicely segmented, with Punk on top at first, then some feud building and good midcard wrestling, then the big stars at the end, and a very enjoyable affair, which I shall give 8.9 out of 10


Production and extras

As ever, we begin with a promo bigging up the event. It has a road theme again, and it talks about who will win the Rumble before discussing the two title matches. Compared to last year, the arena design looks very lazy. That being said there is some inovative use of the titantron during the entries for the Royal Rumble.

We are introduced to our Jerry Lawler and Matt Striker by Michael Cole, and for the first time in years we have a solitary commentary team. The team are a lot better than the sum of their parts. Matt Striker acts as a middle man between the two guys who stink out Raw every week, and he adds a little balance to the booth. They struggle in the first match as Cole and Lawler clearly don't have a clue about Ezeikel Jackson, but they are fine after that.

The first match is introduced by the ECW ring announcer, who is absolutely attrocious. After it we go to the office of Teddy Long and Tiffany. Apparently Cryme Tyme have stolen Khali's spot, but Ranjin Singh stops them. I think this was the first time I laughed at a WWE segment in years. The Miz comes out next, and starts mouthing off, but Teddy Long forces him to fight MVP next. I really enjoyed this little bit.

We follow that up with a segment with Orton and Rhodes where Rhodes says he doesn't trust Ted DiBiase. After the US title match we see Jerishow arguing, which was a little bit funny, and a little unmonotonous from Jericho which was nice. R-Truth appears and also has a dig at Jericho. We then see the same Randy Orton and Rhodes promo. Oh wait, actually, it's Ted DiBiase.

Not one of the first three matches get any sort of build, but don't worry because the Michelle McCool and Mickie James segment does. The Undertaker and Rey Mysterio match gets a similar package, except it focusses an awful lot on Batista who didn't do anything in this match at all.

After the final undercard match we see Kane warning Shawn Michaels before a serious promo between Michaels and Triple H. Normally I hate Triple H as a serious face, but this was a good promo.

The promos in this event were very entertaining, the commentary worked better than the ill concieved partnerships in previous years. There could have been a bit of build for the Orton vs Sheamus match, but the general time keeping of the matches was good. I think it was an improvement on last year, and as a result I give it 8.2 out of 10

Overview

This was like a Royal Rumble of old. The match itself was good and innovative, but the undercard was a little lacklustre, and the divas segment was particularly horrible. Sheamus and Orton was never going to be very good, but at least it wasn't made into a spectacle. The event finished out short, and I just wonder if maybe they could have taken Morrison and McIntyre out of the Rumble match and given a finale to that feud here in place of the short and shit divas segment. The Rumble itself was one of my favourites ever, the event itself was one of the worst Royal Rumbles in recent memory.

I give this event 67 out of 100