enviousdominous
Behold my diction
You stand in a blank area, and watch as Enviousdominous slowly creeps up to you with an excited look on his face.
"First off, I'd like to tell you just how proud I am that you would be smart enough to pick this masterpiece of a story to read. As you know, I am the greatest writer of all time, so you're in for a treat." enviousdominous said.
"You will start a wondrous adventure here, and for each option you'll also be given the option to powerbomb the individual prompting you to make a decision." he also said.
"Are you ready for your amazing adventure!?" he also asked that.
"YES!" you exclaim with a festive twirl.
"NO!" you shout indicating that you were NOT ready for this.
Powerbomb Enviousdominous
"First off, I'd like to tell you just how proud I am that you would be smart enough to pick this masterpiece of a story to read. As you know, I am the greatest writer of all time, so you're in for a treat." enviousdominous said.
"You will start a wondrous adventure here, and for each option you'll also be given the option to powerbomb the individual prompting you to make a decision." he also said.
"Are you ready for your amazing adventure!?" he also asked that.
"YES!" you exclaim with a festive twirl.
Well good! Just step through this magic door I didn't mention before, and you're on your way!
You step through a magic door, and find yourself in a quaint little village where little blue people with white hats are running around. They are clearly upset by your presence.
"Stop running around! I'm not scary!" You scream before picking up one of the small blue people.
"We're not running from you! We're running from...him!" the little blue thing said while pointing behind you.
"HA! Nice try dork nugget! I wasn't born yesterday!" You say while giving a stern look to the little blue thing.
Suddenly, you're turned around by a man wearing an ugly black man-dress, with frazzled black hair.
"These miserable Smurfs are mine! For I am Gargamel!" he says and he attempts to snatch the little blue thing from your hand.
WHAT DO YOU DO NOW!?
Eat the blue thing?
Hold the blue thing out of the ugly dude's reach (he's seriously only about 5' 2")
Powerbomb Gargamel!
You step through a magic door, and find yourself in a quaint little village where little blue people with white hats are running around. They are clearly upset by your presence.
"Stop running around! I'm not scary!" You scream before picking up one of the small blue people.
"We're not running from you! We're running from...him!" the little blue thing said while pointing behind you.
"HA! Nice try dork nugget! I wasn't born yesterday!" You say while giving a stern look to the little blue thing.
Suddenly, you're turned around by a man wearing an ugly black man-dress, with frazzled black hair.
"These miserable Smurfs are mine! For I am Gargamel!" he says and he attempts to snatch the little blue thing from your hand.
WHAT DO YOU DO NOW!?
Eat the blue thing?
You pop the little blue thing in your mouth, crunch its body between your teeth, and grin at Gargamel while blue Smurf blood oozes through your teeth.
Gargamel is mad with hunger, and he immediately locks his lips to yours in an attempt to suck the Smurf juice from your mouth.
While you are the world makeout champion, you're still very disturbed that this man you've never met before feels bold enough to make out with you.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman shows up to rectify this situation.
"WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE TROUBLE LADIES!?" Gunnery Sergeant Hartman asks.
Gargamel speaks first saying "Oh! These miserable Smurfs are so delicious! I just had to taste their sweet blood from this person's lips!"
"HMM! THAT SOUNDS NORMAL TO ME PRIVATE!" Gunnery Sergeant Hartman belched before asking "WHAT ABOUT YOU? IS THERE AN EXPLANATION FOR YOUR SITUATION SOLDIER!?"
What do you do!?
Plead that Gargamel made an unwanted sexual advance, and that you demand justice!
Take Gunnery Sergeant Hartman's sidearm and shoot Gargamel in the face
Powerbomb Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
Gargamel is mad with hunger, and he immediately locks his lips to yours in an attempt to suck the Smurf juice from your mouth.
While you are the world makeout champion, you're still very disturbed that this man you've never met before feels bold enough to make out with you.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman shows up to rectify this situation.
"WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE TROUBLE LADIES!?" Gunnery Sergeant Hartman asks.
Gargamel speaks first saying "Oh! These miserable Smurfs are so delicious! I just had to taste their sweet blood from this person's lips!"
"HMM! THAT SOUNDS NORMAL TO ME PRIVATE!" Gunnery Sergeant Hartman belched before asking "WHAT ABOUT YOU? IS THERE AN EXPLANATION FOR YOUR SITUATION SOLDIER!?"
What do you do!?
Plead that Gargamel made an unwanted sexual advance, and that you demand justice!
You whine, cry, scream and combine those expressions at times while telling your side of what happened.
"AND WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF!?" Gunnery Sergeant Hartman asks Gargamel.
"Naw man. I just wanted to swallow Smurf jam" Gargamel said.
"THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO SETTLE THIS!" Gunnery Sergeant Hartman shouted before saying "A DUEL TO THE DEATH!"
Earl Hepner steps up with a serious look on his face. He says "This is going to be an ironman match, it will last for one hour, and it will be for the World Wrestling Federation Championship!"
"Bring it on bitch!" Gargamel said.
"You are both allowed to use weapons. We only have two to choose from, so choose wisely." Earl said before holding out a nightstick and a jar of bees.
WHICH WEAPON DO YOU CHOOSE!?
The nightstick
The jar of bees
Powerbomb Earl Hebner
"AND WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF!?" Gunnery Sergeant Hartman asks Gargamel.
"Naw man. I just wanted to swallow Smurf jam" Gargamel said.
"THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO SETTLE THIS!" Gunnery Sergeant Hartman shouted before saying "A DUEL TO THE DEATH!"
Earl Hepner steps up with a serious look on his face. He says "This is going to be an ironman match, it will last for one hour, and it will be for the World Wrestling Federation Championship!"
"Bring it on bitch!" Gargamel said.
"You are both allowed to use weapons. We only have two to choose from, so choose wisely." Earl said before holding out a nightstick and a jar of bees.
WHICH WEAPON DO YOU CHOOSE!?
The nightstick
You snatch up the nightstick and wail away on Gargamel before he can get his jar of bees.
Gunner Sergeant Hartman attempts to intervene, and you thwack him across the face with the nightstick. He is visibly shaken, and begins crying uncontrollably.
Earl grabs the nightstick and attempts to wrestle it from your grasp.
"That's against the rules! You never break the rules!" Earl screamed.
You headbutt Earl, and biff him in his gut with the nightstick.
"Tell that to Bret you butt!" you exclaim before running off gleefully.
You have WON! This entire time, the point was to get your precious nightstick back from the evil Earl Hebner who stole if from your hope chest. Congrats!
Gunner Sergeant Hartman attempts to intervene, and you thwack him across the face with the nightstick. He is visibly shaken, and begins crying uncontrollably.
Earl grabs the nightstick and attempts to wrestle it from your grasp.
"That's against the rules! You never break the rules!" Earl screamed.
You headbutt Earl, and biff him in his gut with the nightstick.
"Tell that to Bret you butt!" you exclaim before running off gleefully.
You have WON! This entire time, the point was to get your precious nightstick back from the evil Earl Hebner who stole if from your hope chest. Congrats!
The jar of bees
You take the jar of bees, and while Gargamel is taking the nightstick, you shake the jar to really piss off those bees.
Gargamel advances, and you release the bees!
Bees swarm all over everyone, including you. It's as if this was a magic jar that could produce more and more bees that are spat from the jar like a firehose. The entire world becomes a massive bee swarm, which in turn turns the Earth's surface into one massive layer of honey.
Everyone in the world enjoys sweet sweet honey, and Gargamel becomes a cook at Hooters. Everything worked out, and it's all thanks to you!
Gargamel advances, and you release the bees!
Bees swarm all over everyone, including you. It's as if this was a magic jar that could produce more and more bees that are spat from the jar like a firehose. The entire world becomes a massive bee swarm, which in turn turns the Earth's surface into one massive layer of honey.
Everyone in the world enjoys sweet sweet honey, and Gargamel becomes a cook at Hooters. Everything worked out, and it's all thanks to you!
Powerbomb Earl Hebner
You kick Earl Hebner in the stomach, and pull him so that his head goes between your legs.
Gargamel raises an eyebrow and says "Look who was feeling sexually harassed."
"I KNOW! RIGHT!? WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION SOLDIER!?" Gunnery Sergeant Hartman politely asks.
You lift Earl's body up, and powerbomb him so hard that it causes Gargamel and Gunnery Sergeant Hartman to lose their balance and fall down.
The Smurfs move in to avenge their fallen comrade, and restrain all three downed men before voraciously devouring them as they scream for mercy. You did nothing, as you were having a massive brain dump and stared into space for the entire time.
Your first Powerbomb! HOORAY!
Gargamel raises an eyebrow and says "Look who was feeling sexually harassed."
"I KNOW! RIGHT!? WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION SOLDIER!?" Gunnery Sergeant Hartman politely asks.
You lift Earl's body up, and powerbomb him so hard that it causes Gargamel and Gunnery Sergeant Hartman to lose their balance and fall down.
The Smurfs move in to avenge their fallen comrade, and restrain all three downed men before voraciously devouring them as they scream for mercy. You did nothing, as you were having a massive brain dump and stared into space for the entire time.
Your first Powerbomb! HOORAY!
Take Gunnery Sergeant Hartman's sidearm and shoot Gargamel in the face
You're mad as Hell, AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!
You take Gunnery Sergeant Hartman's gun, and pistolwhip him in the face with it before shooting Gargamel in the face.
Gargamel's face regenerates, and he shows his true form as the T-1000.
"Call to John!" T-1000 exclaims.
"JOHN!? WHO THE FUCK IS J..." Gunnery Sergeant Hartman began to say before being impaled by a massive T-1000 arm spear.
What do you do!?
Call to John (duh)
Shoot the massive tank of liquid nitrogen that was never mentioned before, but is totally there
Powerbomb T-1000
You take Gunnery Sergeant Hartman's gun, and pistolwhip him in the face with it before shooting Gargamel in the face.
Gargamel's face regenerates, and he shows his true form as the T-1000.
"Call to John!" T-1000 exclaims.
"JOHN!? WHO THE FUCK IS J..." Gunnery Sergeant Hartman began to say before being impaled by a massive T-1000 arm spear.
What do you do!?
Call to John (duh)
"Umm, John!?" You call out before shrugging your shoulders.
John Wayne steps up in a bowlegged manner as if to indicate that he has a huge penis.
"What gives pilgrim!?" John asks in a thick old west accent
T-1000 jumps up and down with excitement before saying "I am such a huge fan!" and then he asks "Can I get an autograph!?"
"Now hold up there pilgrim, I only give autographs under certain specific conditions!" John said.
"What are those conditions, Mr. Wayne?" You ask politely.
"I need you to swear your eternal souls to Allah, as he is our one eternal maker." John said.
A tear rolls down T-1000's face and he whispers to you "I'm a devout Mormon, I can't convert." before asking "What should I do?"
Take John Wayne's copy of the Koran and beat T-1000 with it until he agrees to convert
Encourage both men to become Rastafari
Powerbomb John Wayne
John Wayne steps up in a bowlegged manner as if to indicate that he has a huge penis.
"What gives pilgrim!?" John asks in a thick old west accent
T-1000 jumps up and down with excitement before saying "I am such a huge fan!" and then he asks "Can I get an autograph!?"
"Now hold up there pilgrim, I only give autographs under certain specific conditions!" John said.
"What are those conditions, Mr. Wayne?" You ask politely.
"I need you to swear your eternal souls to Allah, as he is our one eternal maker." John said.
A tear rolls down T-1000's face and he whispers to you "I'm a devout Mormon, I can't convert." before asking "What should I do?"
Take John Wayne's copy of the Koran and beat T-1000 with it until he agrees to convert
You beat T-1000 with the Koran while John Wayne rubs his crotch in that the sight of this excites him greatly.
You open the book to see that it contains a metal flask.
"So that's why it hurt so much!" T-1000 exclaims.
You take the flask, open it, and smell its contents. "That's whiskey!" you scream.
John Wayne is promptly arrested for aiding and abetting the delinquency of a minor, as T-1000 is only three years old.
You saved the world today, by ensuring that underage alcohol consumption wasn't going to happen on this fateful day. WELL DONE!
You open the book to see that it contains a metal flask.
"So that's why it hurt so much!" T-1000 exclaims.
You take the flask, open it, and smell its contents. "That's whiskey!" you scream.
John Wayne is promptly arrested for aiding and abetting the delinquency of a minor, as T-1000 is only three years old.
You saved the world today, by ensuring that underage alcohol consumption wasn't going to happen on this fateful day. WELL DONE!
Encourage both men to become Rastafari
Several years pass, and you, T-1000, and John Wayne open the first Rastafarian themed pizza restaurant in Ladysmith Wisconsin.
"Hey mon, did you get da' erdah dat was 'posed to go out an er ago!?" John Wayne asked in his Jamaican accent.
"What the fuck are you saying!?" You ask in an enraged manner.
"YOU MOTHERFUCKERS RUINED PIZZA FOREVER!" T-1000 screamed before running out of the restaurant crying.
YOU DID IT! You made T-1000 cry, and you banged John Wayne's mom (that's in the uncensored version of this story)
"Hey mon, did you get da' erdah dat was 'posed to go out an er ago!?" John Wayne asked in his Jamaican accent.
"What the fuck are you saying!?" You ask in an enraged manner.
"YOU MOTHERFUCKERS RUINED PIZZA FOREVER!" T-1000 screamed before running out of the restaurant crying.
YOU DID IT! You made T-1000 cry, and you banged John Wayne's mom (that's in the uncensored version of this story)
Powerbomb John Wayne
You laugh to yourself, knock John Wayne's hat off, and kick him in the stomach. John groans, and you force his head between your legs.
"What are you doing to my hero!?" T-1000 asks.
You lift up John Wayne, and slam him down so hard that his body breaks open and millions of spiders crawl out.
You killed the spider king! The village people (the actual band) is very happy about this, and they perform at your wedding to T-1000.
"What are you doing to my hero!?" T-1000 asks.
You lift up John Wayne, and slam him down so hard that his body breaks open and millions of spiders crawl out.
You killed the spider king! The village people (the actual band) is very happy about this, and they perform at your wedding to T-1000.
Shoot the massive tank of liquid nitrogen that was never mentioned before, but is totally there
You shoot the tank of liquid nitrogen, and T-1000 gives you a confused look.
"That liquid nitrogen was there for a reason dude." T-1000 said.
Simon Cowell runs up and slaps you across your face.
"That was to be my liquid nitrogen!" Simon shouts in a whiny tone.
"So?" You retort.
"So, the only way to preserve my body for future generations to enjoy is by inventing a time machine and going back to before you shot my precious cargo!" Simon shrieks.
"That's pretty fucked up what you did dude!" T-1000 said.
You hang your head in shame, and ponder what to do next.
Give Simon a sincere apology for breaking his stuff
Go ahead and invent a time machine as was requested
Powerbomb Simon Cowell
"That liquid nitrogen was there for a reason dude." T-1000 said.
Simon Cowell runs up and slaps you across your face.
"That was to be my liquid nitrogen!" Simon shouts in a whiny tone.
"So?" You retort.
"So, the only way to preserve my body for future generations to enjoy is by inventing a time machine and going back to before you shot my precious cargo!" Simon shrieks.
"That's pretty fucked up what you did dude!" T-1000 said.
You hang your head in shame, and ponder what to do next.
Give Simon a sincere apology for breaking his stuff
You're surrounded by darkness, and a lone spotlight shines on you.
"There's something I need to say." you said.
You look up, and a microphone descends from the ceiling by its powercord. You grab the mic in an epic manner and wait for your spirit to tell you when to begin.
"You may begin now young one." your spirit said.
You turn to see John Cena standing next to you, amazed to know that he is your spirit.
"You must make this apology sincere!" John shouts in your ear.
A feeling of inspiration overcomes you, and you begin to apologize.
"Check, check. On the motherfucking mic, check check. Yeah. This is real shit, 'cause when I spit I don't fake it. Let's make this, 'cause it is what it is." you say to the amazement of Simon Cowell and T-1000.
"What is it B?" John Cena asks.
"Well John Cena, I'm glad you asked me that question." you say causing Simon Cowell and T-1000 to look at each other with confused expressions.
"John Cena? Where!?" T-1000 asked.
"This is the right way, the only motherfucking way I know. And now I'm gonna' say, on behalf of all of my bros." you say causing Simon Cowell to run up to you and rip the microphone from your hands.
"WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" Simon asked.
"Whoa whoa, we don't pass the mic without a permit in this district!" John shouted.
John punches Simon, who is shocked to have been punched by thin air.
"What's wrong Simon?" T-1000 asked.
"I feel as though I've been struck by a large man, but I don't see anyone here!" Simon shouts in a shocked tone.
John shoves his entire arm down the throat of T-1000 and pulls out his membrane chip causing him to melt into a non-sentient puddle before saying "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET BITCH!"
"You need to calm down right now John Cena!" you shout to John Cena.
"Why don't you make me you bitch!?" John shouts back.
What do you do!?
Cry
Shine your Eye of Truth magnifying glass on John Cena, revealing his existence to the skeptical Simon Cowell
Powerbomb John Cena
"There's something I need to say." you said.
You look up, and a microphone descends from the ceiling by its powercord. You grab the mic in an epic manner and wait for your spirit to tell you when to begin.
"You may begin now young one." your spirit said.
You turn to see John Cena standing next to you, amazed to know that he is your spirit.
"You must make this apology sincere!" John shouts in your ear.
A feeling of inspiration overcomes you, and you begin to apologize.
"Check, check. On the motherfucking mic, check check. Yeah. This is real shit, 'cause when I spit I don't fake it. Let's make this, 'cause it is what it is." you say to the amazement of Simon Cowell and T-1000.
"What is it B?" John Cena asks.
"Well John Cena, I'm glad you asked me that question." you say causing Simon Cowell and T-1000 to look at each other with confused expressions.
"John Cena? Where!?" T-1000 asked.
"This is the right way, the only motherfucking way I know. And now I'm gonna' say, on behalf of all of my bros." you say causing Simon Cowell to run up to you and rip the microphone from your hands.
"WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" Simon asked.
"Whoa whoa, we don't pass the mic without a permit in this district!" John shouted.
John punches Simon, who is shocked to have been punched by thin air.
"What's wrong Simon?" T-1000 asked.
"I feel as though I've been struck by a large man, but I don't see anyone here!" Simon shouts in a shocked tone.
John shoves his entire arm down the throat of T-1000 and pulls out his membrane chip causing him to melt into a non-sentient puddle before saying "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET BITCH!"
"You need to calm down right now John Cena!" you shout to John Cena.
"Why don't you make me you bitch!?" John shouts back.
What do you do!?
Cry
You tear up and your bottom lip quivers. You've never been called a bitch before, and it broke through your armor and now you just can't retain your composure.
John is so amused by your tears, that he begins laughing hysterically. He laughs so loudly that even Simon Cowell can hear it.
Simon Cowell becomes more enraged by the laughter, and starts screaming in a fit of rage.
"You didn't have to call be a bitch!" you scream before crying some more.
"Your tears tickle my soul!" John shouts loudly enough for Simon to hear.
"I HATE YOU JOHN CENA! I WANT YOU TO DIE!" Simon screams.
Frought with emotion, you do the only thing you can do, and that's cry harder. This causes John to laugh harder, and Simon to scream with rage harder.
Soon, your combined emotions become so obnoxious that you're all thrown in a padded cell where your argument never ends.
The institution eventually crumbles due to erosion, and the Earth is swallowed by the Sun. As energy particles, you John and Simon continue to antagonize each other.
The end?
John is so amused by your tears, that he begins laughing hysterically. He laughs so loudly that even Simon Cowell can hear it.
Simon Cowell becomes more enraged by the laughter, and starts screaming in a fit of rage.
"You didn't have to call be a bitch!" you scream before crying some more.
"Your tears tickle my soul!" John shouts loudly enough for Simon to hear.
"I HATE YOU JOHN CENA! I WANT YOU TO DIE!" Simon screams.
Frought with emotion, you do the only thing you can do, and that's cry harder. This causes John to laugh harder, and Simon to scream with rage harder.
Soon, your combined emotions become so obnoxious that you're all thrown in a padded cell where your argument never ends.
The institution eventually crumbles due to erosion, and the Earth is swallowed by the Sun. As energy particles, you John and Simon continue to antagonize each other.
The end?
Shine your Eye of Truth magnifying glass on John Cena, revealing his existence to the skeptical Simon Cowell
You reach into your bag of holding, and pull out a magnifying glass.
"That's a very nice magnifying glass." Simon said.
You shine the magnifying glass onto John Cena, who materializes before Simon's eyes.
John Cena laughs an evil laugh to himself, and snaps his fingers.
Simon Cowell becomes dust, and you are horrified to see that John has apparently obliterated half the population of the universe. You were friends with the population of the universe by the way.
"This, I cannot allow!" you shout dramatically while shaking your fist at John Cena.
John laughs again, and his image splits into that of hundreds and then thousands and then hundreds of thousands of clones of himself.
People across the entire world, and life forms across the universe can now see nothing except for John Cena.
"MY GOD! JOHN CENA IS EVERYWHERE! I MUST AVENGE SIMON COWELL AND T-1000!" you scream to a nearby hamster.
John laughs once more and says "You petulant fool. I am the John Cena, I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I am everything, you cannot hope to best me puny mortal!"
You smirk and reach once more into your bag of holding. John gasps with horror as you pull out a folding chair and hand it to one of his clones.
"Duh, what's dis!?" the clone says before whacking himself in the face with the chair.
A chain reaction occurs where John Cena's across the universe are striking themselves in the face with chairs, until all John Cena's lay bloody and defeated.
"LOL! CENA DOESN'T WIN!" you scream before skipping off into the sunset.
The end.
"That's a very nice magnifying glass." Simon said.
You shine the magnifying glass onto John Cena, who materializes before Simon's eyes.
John Cena laughs an evil laugh to himself, and snaps his fingers.
Simon Cowell becomes dust, and you are horrified to see that John has apparently obliterated half the population of the universe. You were friends with the population of the universe by the way.
"This, I cannot allow!" you shout dramatically while shaking your fist at John Cena.
John laughs again, and his image splits into that of hundreds and then thousands and then hundreds of thousands of clones of himself.
People across the entire world, and life forms across the universe can now see nothing except for John Cena.
"MY GOD! JOHN CENA IS EVERYWHERE! I MUST AVENGE SIMON COWELL AND T-1000!" you scream to a nearby hamster.
John laughs once more and says "You petulant fool. I am the John Cena, I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I am everything, you cannot hope to best me puny mortal!"
You smirk and reach once more into your bag of holding. John gasps with horror as you pull out a folding chair and hand it to one of his clones.
"Duh, what's dis!?" the clone says before whacking himself in the face with the chair.
A chain reaction occurs where John Cena's across the universe are striking themselves in the face with chairs, until all John Cena's lay bloody and defeated.
"LOL! CENA DOESN'T WIN!" you scream before skipping off into the sunset.
The end.
Powerbomb John Cena
You might not have an opportunity like this for as long as you live. John Cena is here, and nobody can see him. There's no witnesses! You can powerbomb him, and not go to prison!
You stomp up to John Cena, and he puts his hand out to stop you. John's palm meets your forehead, and he easily keeps you at bay.
"You were going to powerbomb me, weren't you?" John asked.
"Of course not John!" you begin to say before continuing with "A sick orphan dropped a contact lens, and I was going to ask you to help me look for it!"
"Oh, well that's too legit to quit I suppose. I'll help you look for that contact lens." John said.
"Yes, please bend over and see if you can spot the contact lens on the ground." You said.
"Righty-o. Bending over now." John said before bending over.
You seize the opportunity and put John's head between your legs. You reach down and try to pull John's body, but you're unable to lift him because you're not as strong as you may have thought.
"What's this now?" John asked.
"I'm just trying to see if the contact lens might be on the crotch of your cut off jeans, please jump up so I can lift you and put your crotch in my face." You said.
"This kid better be really sick." John said before jumping so that you can lift him up and put his crotch in your face.
"Do you see the contact lens?" John asked.
"Mmmph." you responded.
"What the fuck is 'mmmph'?" John asked.
"I think he said 'going down'" Simon said.
You drop forward, and slam John Cena onto the ground, noticeably smashing a contact lens beneath his body.
A young child runs up and looks in horror as John Cena has just landed on his contact lens.
"Sorry kid, I..." John began to say.
"POWERBOMB HIM AGAIN!" the kid screams
John allows himself to be powerbombed until eventually you and he start a broadway show called "Powerbomb City", retaining Simon Cowell as the producer.
You and John eventually marry, and have fourteen children of your own after John has a Uterus transplant.
You stomp up to John Cena, and he puts his hand out to stop you. John's palm meets your forehead, and he easily keeps you at bay.
"You were going to powerbomb me, weren't you?" John asked.
"Of course not John!" you begin to say before continuing with "A sick orphan dropped a contact lens, and I was going to ask you to help me look for it!"
"Oh, well that's too legit to quit I suppose. I'll help you look for that contact lens." John said.
"Yes, please bend over and see if you can spot the contact lens on the ground." You said.
"Righty-o. Bending over now." John said before bending over.
You seize the opportunity and put John's head between your legs. You reach down and try to pull John's body, but you're unable to lift him because you're not as strong as you may have thought.
"What's this now?" John asked.
"I'm just trying to see if the contact lens might be on the crotch of your cut off jeans, please jump up so I can lift you and put your crotch in my face." You said.
"This kid better be really sick." John said before jumping so that you can lift him up and put his crotch in your face.
"Do you see the contact lens?" John asked.
"Mmmph." you responded.
"What the fuck is 'mmmph'?" John asked.
"I think he said 'going down'" Simon said.
You drop forward, and slam John Cena onto the ground, noticeably smashing a contact lens beneath his body.
A young child runs up and looks in horror as John Cena has just landed on his contact lens.
"Sorry kid, I..." John began to say.
"POWERBOMB HIM AGAIN!" the kid screams
John allows himself to be powerbombed until eventually you and he start a broadway show called "Powerbomb City", retaining Simon Cowell as the producer.
You and John eventually marry, and have fourteen children of your own after John has a Uterus transplant.
Go ahead and invent a time machine as was requested
You scratch your head, and then have a eureka moment.
If you cryogenically freeze the entire world, and set it to thaw after the universe runs through an entire universal cycle and has already spat all known matter through a wormhole to a different end of the universe which would eventually recreate our world and lead up to the moment where you shot Simon Cowell's truck tank full of liquid nitrogen, then you'd be a hero!
You shoot the tank more, reload, and shoot it more.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?" Simon screamed.
"Violence solves nothing!" T-1000 shouted.
You won't have these nincompoops ruining your perfect plan! You use your telekinetic powers to lift the entire tanker truck, and drop it onto Simon and T-1000 to get the ball rolling on freezing the entire world.
Soon the wave of liquid nitrogen reaches you, and you accept your fate by diving into it.
You become a statue of ice, and much time passes before you're thawed out in the bathroom of Donald Trump.
"What say you, iceman?" Donald asks while blowing you with a hair dryer.
"What year is this?" you ask.
"It's 2024, and my epic presidency is about to end. I want to be replaced by a Neanderthal, so that's where you come in. Run for president, or I'll freeze you again!" Donald exclaims.
You have a very important choice to make, choose wisely.
Agree to run for President in the distant future of 2024!
Request to be frozen again, and demand that you not be unfrozen until the end of the universe.
Powerbomb Donald Trump
If you cryogenically freeze the entire world, and set it to thaw after the universe runs through an entire universal cycle and has already spat all known matter through a wormhole to a different end of the universe which would eventually recreate our world and lead up to the moment where you shot Simon Cowell's truck tank full of liquid nitrogen, then you'd be a hero!
You shoot the tank more, reload, and shoot it more.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?" Simon screamed.
"Violence solves nothing!" T-1000 shouted.
You won't have these nincompoops ruining your perfect plan! You use your telekinetic powers to lift the entire tanker truck, and drop it onto Simon and T-1000 to get the ball rolling on freezing the entire world.
Soon the wave of liquid nitrogen reaches you, and you accept your fate by diving into it.
You become a statue of ice, and much time passes before you're thawed out in the bathroom of Donald Trump.
"What say you, iceman?" Donald asks while blowing you with a hair dryer.
"What year is this?" you ask.
"It's 2024, and my epic presidency is about to end. I want to be replaced by a Neanderthal, so that's where you come in. Run for president, or I'll freeze you again!" Donald exclaims.
You have a very important choice to make, choose wisely.
Agree to run for President in the distant future of 2024!
You smile and nod.
Donald Trump becomes so overwhelmed with excitement, that he does a double-backflip and lands in a kneeling position.
Suddenly, you're bombarded with an army of reporters who shove microphones and odd rectangular listening devices uncomfortably close to your face.
"Tell us the thing about the thing that happened with the thing!" one reporter shouts at you despite being only a foot away from you.
You get very nervous, and just as you're about to lose your mind and go Super Saiyan in this mug, Donald whispers some life saving suggestions into your ear.
"As your President, I promise to change the official language of the United States of America to Portuguese, and the proper manner of speaking it will be through Inuit throat singing!" you exclaim causing the reporters to all gasp in horror.
Donald whispers in your ear again, and you repeat "As your President, I will implement a National Opposite Day. Kind of like the purge, only it will be illegal to do the exact opposite of what was otherwise illegal. People will be thrown in jail for not murdering anyone!"
The reporters all convulse and vomit uncontrollably from what they've just heard, unable to contain the combination of rage and disgust that you've forced unto them with your repurposed thoughts.
Soon, you're elected President, of every nation on Earth to include being declared the new King of The United Kingdom, Spain, Norway, and Tonga.
You stand at a podium at a rally in Geneva Switzerland, looking out at your adoring constituents.
"Thank you all for coming!" you shout into a microphone, when suddenly a representative from Vatican City rushes the stage.
"You were just chosen as the new Pope!" the man shouts.
"DON'T YELL AT ME! THAT MAKES ME NERVOUS!" you shout back.
In your nervousness, you have to do your happy dance to settle your nerves. The crowd attempts to imitate the dance so they don't look like squares. Because your happy dance involves a lot of leg lifts and spins, a massive riot breaks out.
The person who rushed the stage reveals their-self to be Donald Trump! (It really just took you that long to recognize him.)
"Donald Trump!? Why have you sewed this chaos among my people!?" you ask in a demanding tone.
"I wasn't in disguise you dick, and I was trying to warn you that if you become the Pope you'll have to renounce all this fun power you earned. That we earned!" Donald shouts back in a happy tone.
You ponder what to do next while the people riot in front of you.
"I do want to be a religious figure as well." you note before asking Donald "Can an Anti-Christ be a President?"
Donald scoffs and says "Look who you're asking. Of course you can, just keep doing your happy dance and Satan will be around soon enough."
You continue doing your happy dance, but Satan never comes to anoint you as the new Anti-Christ.
Unable to turn down your appointment as Pope, you disguise a nearby astronaut as yourself, and take a rocket to Alpha Centari so that you can be a galactic Catholic missionary. You make sure to take an overweight woman with you at gunpoint, and she sings for you.
The end.
Donald Trump becomes so overwhelmed with excitement, that he does a double-backflip and lands in a kneeling position.
Suddenly, you're bombarded with an army of reporters who shove microphones and odd rectangular listening devices uncomfortably close to your face.
"Tell us the thing about the thing that happened with the thing!" one reporter shouts at you despite being only a foot away from you.
You get very nervous, and just as you're about to lose your mind and go Super Saiyan in this mug, Donald whispers some life saving suggestions into your ear.
"As your President, I promise to change the official language of the United States of America to Portuguese, and the proper manner of speaking it will be through Inuit throat singing!" you exclaim causing the reporters to all gasp in horror.
Donald whispers in your ear again, and you repeat "As your President, I will implement a National Opposite Day. Kind of like the purge, only it will be illegal to do the exact opposite of what was otherwise illegal. People will be thrown in jail for not murdering anyone!"
The reporters all convulse and vomit uncontrollably from what they've just heard, unable to contain the combination of rage and disgust that you've forced unto them with your repurposed thoughts.
Soon, you're elected President, of every nation on Earth to include being declared the new King of The United Kingdom, Spain, Norway, and Tonga.
You stand at a podium at a rally in Geneva Switzerland, looking out at your adoring constituents.
"Thank you all for coming!" you shout into a microphone, when suddenly a representative from Vatican City rushes the stage.
"You were just chosen as the new Pope!" the man shouts.
"DON'T YELL AT ME! THAT MAKES ME NERVOUS!" you shout back.
In your nervousness, you have to do your happy dance to settle your nerves. The crowd attempts to imitate the dance so they don't look like squares. Because your happy dance involves a lot of leg lifts and spins, a massive riot breaks out.
The person who rushed the stage reveals their-self to be Donald Trump! (It really just took you that long to recognize him.)
"Donald Trump!? Why have you sewed this chaos among my people!?" you ask in a demanding tone.
"I wasn't in disguise you dick, and I was trying to warn you that if you become the Pope you'll have to renounce all this fun power you earned. That we earned!" Donald shouts back in a happy tone.
You ponder what to do next while the people riot in front of you.
"I do want to be a religious figure as well." you note before asking Donald "Can an Anti-Christ be a President?"
Donald scoffs and says "Look who you're asking. Of course you can, just keep doing your happy dance and Satan will be around soon enough."
You continue doing your happy dance, but Satan never comes to anoint you as the new Anti-Christ.
Unable to turn down your appointment as Pope, you disguise a nearby astronaut as yourself, and take a rocket to Alpha Centari so that you can be a galactic Catholic missionary. You make sure to take an overweight woman with you at gunpoint, and she sings for you.
The end.
Request to be frozen again, and demand that you not be unfrozen until the end of the universe.
"Hey fuck-face!" you shout at Donald Trump.
"Yeah, what?" Donald Trump responds.
"I didn't want to be thawed out so I could look at your stupid face! I wanted to stay fronzen until the..." you began to say.
"You lost me." Donald responds.
"What I meant to say was..." You begin again before being interrupted.
"Not following." Donald Trump interrupts.
You become very frustrated, and resolve yourself to writing a children's book in crayon so that Donald Trump can understand what you're trying to say to him.
Your book becomes a best-seller among young adults, as their generation's reading comprehension hasn't advanced past cartoony pictures of faces and objects.
You become a multi-trillionaire overnight, and soon retire to your humble three-story mansion in Beverly Hills. You sit in your study, contemplating your successful existence
Your butler, Jeff Bezos, announces that you have a guest.
"The lowly Donald Trump has come to see you good sir!" Jeff announced.
"Fuck off Jeff!" you shout back before asking "Can't you see that I'm busy contemplating my successful existence?!"
Donald angrily pushes past Jeff and smacks you across your forehead.
"That book was based on a private moment that we shared! I demand royalties!" Donald shouts.
"What book?" you ask in a genuinely confused manner.
"The book you wrote about the time that we started tussling over the..." Donald begins to say.
"Too many words, just act it out." you suggest as Donald Trump's manner of speaking is way over your head.
Donald Trump's many attempts to convey his anger to you in the manner of acting inspire him to become the most famous ballet dancer of all time, which causes you to become insane with jealousy as by the time you finally managed to conclude your thoughts in regard to your contemplation of your successful existence you discovered that your real dream was to become the most famous ballet dancer of all time.
You and Donald travel to France and have a ballet-off at the Paris Opera Ballet. Unfortunately, there were no survivors.
The end.
"Yeah, what?" Donald Trump responds.
"I didn't want to be thawed out so I could look at your stupid face! I wanted to stay fronzen until the..." you began to say.
"You lost me." Donald responds.
"What I meant to say was..." You begin again before being interrupted.
"Not following." Donald Trump interrupts.
You become very frustrated, and resolve yourself to writing a children's book in crayon so that Donald Trump can understand what you're trying to say to him.
Your book becomes a best-seller among young adults, as their generation's reading comprehension hasn't advanced past cartoony pictures of faces and objects.
You become a multi-trillionaire overnight, and soon retire to your humble three-story mansion in Beverly Hills. You sit in your study, contemplating your successful existence
Your butler, Jeff Bezos, announces that you have a guest.
"The lowly Donald Trump has come to see you good sir!" Jeff announced.
"Fuck off Jeff!" you shout back before asking "Can't you see that I'm busy contemplating my successful existence?!"
Donald angrily pushes past Jeff and smacks you across your forehead.
"That book was based on a private moment that we shared! I demand royalties!" Donald shouts.
"What book?" you ask in a genuinely confused manner.
"The book you wrote about the time that we started tussling over the..." Donald begins to say.
"Too many words, just act it out." you suggest as Donald Trump's manner of speaking is way over your head.
Donald Trump's many attempts to convey his anger to you in the manner of acting inspire him to become the most famous ballet dancer of all time, which causes you to become insane with jealousy as by the time you finally managed to conclude your thoughts in regard to your contemplation of your successful existence you discovered that your real dream was to become the most famous ballet dancer of all time.
You and Donald travel to France and have a ballet-off at the Paris Opera Ballet. Unfortunately, there were no survivors.
The end.
Powerbomb Donald Trump
You put your hands on your hips and laugh maniacally.
Donald frowns and asks "What's the big idea?" before asking "Are you laughing at my butt?"
You stare deep into Donald's eyes and say "I have been asleep in that ice for ages, and you have foolishly awoken me from my slumber!"
"So." Donald says.
"I am the spirit of the powerbomb, and I am here to powerbomb you Donald Trump!" you shout.
Donald shrieks, and throws the hair-dryer which bounces off your face causing you to laugh some more.
Donald makes a run for it, and you take determined steps in a slow walking motion after him.
Donald runs by his secret service and yells "That person is a lunatic! They're trying to powerbomb me!" while pointing in your direction.
The secret service take tactical positions to maximize the amount of damage they can do, and they open fire.
Bullets scream through the air and slam into your indestructible body, falling to the ground. You feel a rush of energy flow within your veins, as the energy from the bullets transfer to you.
You show an evil smile, and redirect your absorbed energy by putting your hands behind your head and humping the air with your crotch. A wave of energy blasts through the secret service agents, and they become mindless zombies unto your cause.
As Donald directs more and more security details to stop you, you absorb their gunfire and redirect the energy from the bullets with hump-magic to make them see things your way.
Soon, Donald Trump is surrounded by an endless crowd of mindless zombies, and he comes face to face with you once more.
"The time has come Donald, are you ready for the pain?" you ask.
"Actually, can we reschedule the pain for next year?" Donald asks.
"Of course." you respond.
*one year later*
You're in your kitchen whipping up some of your Grand-mama's favorite pancakes when a tank smashes into the side of your house.
Donald stands up in the tank, and shouts into a microphone "You can't powerbomb me! I have a tank!"
You scoff at such a puny show of force, and hump the air with more vigor than ever before as Grand-mama's pancake batter contains more than the usual amount of plutonium.
The tank flies wildly into the air, flipping and spinning, until Donald is forced to parachute out of it. Donald lands before you, a defeated man.
"Fine, powerbomb me. See if I care." Donald said before bending over.
As you walk up to Donald, he suddenly stands up straight and humps the air while also swinging his fists behind his back. You've never witnessed this technique, and you're knocked back so hard that you crash through your Grand-mama's shack. Grand-mama dies in the process.
"NO! SHE WAS MY HUMP-MAGIC MASTER!" you shriek upon seeing the pile of dust and various medical implants that was once your beloved Grand-mama.
Donald sees that you're angry, and you both hump the air as hard as you can, rendering the shack to splinters of wood from the forces that collide around it.
You and Donald Trump hump the air harder and harder, when Donald suddenly loses his breath and checks his pockets frantically.
"Hey Donnie, looking for this!?" you ask before pulling a mason jar of Viagra out of your pocket.
"Oh poo." Donald says to himself with a look of horror.
You devour the entire jar of blue pills and rear back as if you are about to deliver a time-ripping hump.
Donald frantically runs to you and bends over putting his head between your legs.
"That's better, now easy does it." you said.
You lightly lift Donald up until his crotch meets your face, and then lightly let him down onto the soft grass.
FUCK YEAH! YOU FUCKING DID IT! You're awesome, and your hard work has paid off, and you're just everything to me. Congratulations, thank you, and motherfucking mozel tov. You lived life large, and now the world is your eternal bitch. Jazz hands.
The end.
Donald frowns and asks "What's the big idea?" before asking "Are you laughing at my butt?"
You stare deep into Donald's eyes and say "I have been asleep in that ice for ages, and you have foolishly awoken me from my slumber!"
"So." Donald says.
"I am the spirit of the powerbomb, and I am here to powerbomb you Donald Trump!" you shout.
Donald shrieks, and throws the hair-dryer which bounces off your face causing you to laugh some more.
Donald makes a run for it, and you take determined steps in a slow walking motion after him.
Donald runs by his secret service and yells "That person is a lunatic! They're trying to powerbomb me!" while pointing in your direction.
The secret service take tactical positions to maximize the amount of damage they can do, and they open fire.
Bullets scream through the air and slam into your indestructible body, falling to the ground. You feel a rush of energy flow within your veins, as the energy from the bullets transfer to you.
You show an evil smile, and redirect your absorbed energy by putting your hands behind your head and humping the air with your crotch. A wave of energy blasts through the secret service agents, and they become mindless zombies unto your cause.
As Donald directs more and more security details to stop you, you absorb their gunfire and redirect the energy from the bullets with hump-magic to make them see things your way.
Soon, Donald Trump is surrounded by an endless crowd of mindless zombies, and he comes face to face with you once more.
"The time has come Donald, are you ready for the pain?" you ask.
"Actually, can we reschedule the pain for next year?" Donald asks.
"Of course." you respond.
*one year later*
You're in your kitchen whipping up some of your Grand-mama's favorite pancakes when a tank smashes into the side of your house.
Donald stands up in the tank, and shouts into a microphone "You can't powerbomb me! I have a tank!"
You scoff at such a puny show of force, and hump the air with more vigor than ever before as Grand-mama's pancake batter contains more than the usual amount of plutonium.
The tank flies wildly into the air, flipping and spinning, until Donald is forced to parachute out of it. Donald lands before you, a defeated man.
"Fine, powerbomb me. See if I care." Donald said before bending over.
As you walk up to Donald, he suddenly stands up straight and humps the air while also swinging his fists behind his back. You've never witnessed this technique, and you're knocked back so hard that you crash through your Grand-mama's shack. Grand-mama dies in the process.
"NO! SHE WAS MY HUMP-MAGIC MASTER!" you shriek upon seeing the pile of dust and various medical implants that was once your beloved Grand-mama.
Donald sees that you're angry, and you both hump the air as hard as you can, rendering the shack to splinters of wood from the forces that collide around it.
You and Donald Trump hump the air harder and harder, when Donald suddenly loses his breath and checks his pockets frantically.
"Hey Donnie, looking for this!?" you ask before pulling a mason jar of Viagra out of your pocket.
"Oh poo." Donald says to himself with a look of horror.
You devour the entire jar of blue pills and rear back as if you are about to deliver a time-ripping hump.
Donald frantically runs to you and bends over putting his head between your legs.
"That's better, now easy does it." you said.
You lightly lift Donald up until his crotch meets your face, and then lightly let him down onto the soft grass.
FUCK YEAH! YOU FUCKING DID IT! You're awesome, and your hard work has paid off, and you're just everything to me. Congratulations, thank you, and motherfucking mozel tov. You lived life large, and now the world is your eternal bitch. Jazz hands.
The end.
Powerbomb Simon Cowell
Simon sees that you are sorrowful and feels bad for making you feel guilty.
"Look, I'm sorry for putting my stupid tanker truck full of liquid nitrogen in front of your bullets that you didn't shoot yet." Simon said sincerely.
Sensing the opportunity to do so, you quickly kick Simon in the stomach and powerbomb him in a split second.
T-1000 slowly backs away from you, and runs into the distance out of terror.
"Why?" Simon asks in a pathetic manner before saying "I thought we were friends."
"I'll tell you why, and it's going to blow you're fucking mind, we are in a...." you began to say before being drowned out by applause from a nearby crowd.
Simon snaps back to his feet and looks in awe at the crowd.
Simon whispers to you "Quick, powerbomb me again."
You oblige Simon, and powerbomb him again, which causes the crowd of people to cheer harder.
Stock in powerbombs goes through the roof, and soon you and Simon become the wealthiest men in the world.
Not long after however, the stock bottoms out. Your joint bank account with Simon Cowell is completely depleted in a manner of nano-seconds. You know that it couldn't have been due to Simon going on a grungy clothing shopping spree as he already bought all the grungy clothing in the world.
"WHO DID THIS TO US!?" you scream at Simon from the top of the Empire State Building.
"Some asshole probably, oh wait, it was Billy Kidman." Simon said.
You run to the nearest vape shop, and sure enough there is Billy Kidman giving a lesson on how to create art with rotten mushrooms.
"Hiya' friend. I'm Billy "the kid" Kidman!" Billy shouts to you.
You run up and slap Billy Kidman as hard as you can before saying "NOBODY CALLS YOU THAT!"
"What are you doing here?" Billy asked.
"You ruined my powerbomb business! I have island payments to make!" you shout back.
"Look, I didn't ask to be born this way. Powerbombs just don't work around me. Don't ask me how it works." Billy responded.
What do you do!?
Ask Billy Kidman how his anti-powerbomb powers work.
Introduce Billy Kidman to an individual that matches his anti-powerbomb power to cancel it out.
Fuck it. POWERBOMB BILLY KIDMAN!
"Look, I'm sorry for putting my stupid tanker truck full of liquid nitrogen in front of your bullets that you didn't shoot yet." Simon said sincerely.
Sensing the opportunity to do so, you quickly kick Simon in the stomach and powerbomb him in a split second.
T-1000 slowly backs away from you, and runs into the distance out of terror.
"Why?" Simon asks in a pathetic manner before saying "I thought we were friends."
"I'll tell you why, and it's going to blow you're fucking mind, we are in a...." you began to say before being drowned out by applause from a nearby crowd.
Simon snaps back to his feet and looks in awe at the crowd.
Simon whispers to you "Quick, powerbomb me again."
You oblige Simon, and powerbomb him again, which causes the crowd of people to cheer harder.
Stock in powerbombs goes through the roof, and soon you and Simon become the wealthiest men in the world.
Not long after however, the stock bottoms out. Your joint bank account with Simon Cowell is completely depleted in a manner of nano-seconds. You know that it couldn't have been due to Simon going on a grungy clothing shopping spree as he already bought all the grungy clothing in the world.
"WHO DID THIS TO US!?" you scream at Simon from the top of the Empire State Building.
"Some asshole probably, oh wait, it was Billy Kidman." Simon said.
You run to the nearest vape shop, and sure enough there is Billy Kidman giving a lesson on how to create art with rotten mushrooms.
"Hiya' friend. I'm Billy "the kid" Kidman!" Billy shouts to you.
You run up and slap Billy Kidman as hard as you can before saying "NOBODY CALLS YOU THAT!"
"What are you doing here?" Billy asked.
"You ruined my powerbomb business! I have island payments to make!" you shout back.
"Look, I didn't ask to be born this way. Powerbombs just don't work around me. Don't ask me how it works." Billy responded.
What do you do!?
Ask Billy Kidman how his anti-powerbomb powers work.
"Billy Kidman, I would like to ask you how your anti-powerbomb powers work." you said.
"You silly goose! I just told you not to ask me that." Billy stated with a chuckle.
"I didn't ask you that Bill!" you shout before saying "I said that I would like to ask you that question."
"I wouldn't like to answer that question." Billy Kidman responds.
"I would like to not ask the question provided you provide the answer to the question I wouldn't like to ask." you said.
"I wouldn't like to reveal to you that my bones were replaced at a young age, with flip-amantium. And that my flippy nature allows me to merely flip out of powerbomb attempts." Billy responded.
"I would like to punch you in your face." you respond before walking up and attempting to punch Billy Kidman in the face. Before your fist meets his face, he flips backward and stands before you having not been punched.
"I would like to hit you with a supernova." you state before utilizing forbidden magic through ancient hand motions which causes a massive fiery ball of energy to tear through our solar system eating the bodies of matter within it until colliding with planet Earth destroying it. Billy Kidman is drifting in space, vaping, and flipping at a furious speed. He slows down and flips in the other direction so fast that he causes time to reverse and restore the solar system to its normal course of motion prior to your supernova attack.
"Hmm." you say before saying "I would not like to discover free energy by encasing your body into a turbine which will spin endlessly."
You build a turbine around Billy Kidman's body, and kick it's outer wall repeatedly to force Billy's body to spin endlessly. You generate enough energy to power your hair trimmer, and you shave that pesky unibrow.
Future generations erect statues of you in embarrassing poses, because with free energy they never had to worry about anything and they all became dicks.
The End.
"You silly goose! I just told you not to ask me that." Billy stated with a chuckle.
"I didn't ask you that Bill!" you shout before saying "I said that I would like to ask you that question."
"I wouldn't like to answer that question." Billy Kidman responds.
"I would like to not ask the question provided you provide the answer to the question I wouldn't like to ask." you said.
"I wouldn't like to reveal to you that my bones were replaced at a young age, with flip-amantium. And that my flippy nature allows me to merely flip out of powerbomb attempts." Billy responded.
"I would like to punch you in your face." you respond before walking up and attempting to punch Billy Kidman in the face. Before your fist meets his face, he flips backward and stands before you having not been punched.
"I would like to hit you with a supernova." you state before utilizing forbidden magic through ancient hand motions which causes a massive fiery ball of energy to tear through our solar system eating the bodies of matter within it until colliding with planet Earth destroying it. Billy Kidman is drifting in space, vaping, and flipping at a furious speed. He slows down and flips in the other direction so fast that he causes time to reverse and restore the solar system to its normal course of motion prior to your supernova attack.
"Hmm." you say before saying "I would not like to discover free energy by encasing your body into a turbine which will spin endlessly."
You build a turbine around Billy Kidman's body, and kick it's outer wall repeatedly to force Billy's body to spin endlessly. You generate enough energy to power your hair trimmer, and you shave that pesky unibrow.
Future generations erect statues of you in embarrassing poses, because with free energy they never had to worry about anything and they all became dicks.
The End.
Introduce Billy Kidman to an individual that matches his anti-powerbomb power to cancel it out.
Fuck it. POWERBOMB BILLY KIDMAN!
Powerbomb T-1000
Powerbomb Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
Hold the blue thing out of the ugly dude's reach (he's seriously only about 5' 2")
Gargamel hops around like a sissy, trying in vain to grab the blue thing from you.
You laugh hysterically as you mercilessly tease the poor idiot. This is the most fun you've ever had in your entire life!
Gargamel eventually gives up, and wanders off a defeated man.
The little blue thing talks to you saying "Oh, thank you kind soul."
"WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!?" you scream back in an attempt to get a grasp of your situation.
The blue thing responds with "Please don't shout, we are the smurfs. I am happy smurf, and over there is.." only to have you interrupt saying "Where's brainy smurf?"
Alex Trebek walks up to you saying "Brainy smurf here." and asking "How may I be of assistance?"
You look at Alex Trebek with awe and ask "What is this wonderful place?"
Alex begins screaming and dancing in place, which would have amazed you immensely if you weren't so taken back by the horrid smell clouding around you.
"DAILY DOUBLE!" Alex screams over and over again.
"I'll wager everything Alex." you say calmly.
Alex stops dancing, and glares at you. He says "This is the world's greatest wrestler".
WHAT DO YOU SAY!?
"Who is Vinnie Vegas?"
"Who is Jack Swagger?"
"FUCK YOU ALEX TREBEK! I'M A GONNA' POWERBOMB YOUR ASS!"
You laugh hysterically as you mercilessly tease the poor idiot. This is the most fun you've ever had in your entire life!
Gargamel eventually gives up, and wanders off a defeated man.
The little blue thing talks to you saying "Oh, thank you kind soul."
"WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!?" you scream back in an attempt to get a grasp of your situation.
The blue thing responds with "Please don't shout, we are the smurfs. I am happy smurf, and over there is.." only to have you interrupt saying "Where's brainy smurf?"
Alex Trebek walks up to you saying "Brainy smurf here." and asking "How may I be of assistance?"
You look at Alex Trebek with awe and ask "What is this wonderful place?"
Alex begins screaming and dancing in place, which would have amazed you immensely if you weren't so taken back by the horrid smell clouding around you.
"DAILY DOUBLE!" Alex screams over and over again.
"I'll wager everything Alex." you say calmly.
Alex stops dancing, and glares at you. He says "This is the world's greatest wrestler".
WHAT DO YOU SAY!?
"Who is Vinnie Vegas?"
"Who is Jack Swagger?"
"FUCK YOU ALEX TREBEK! I'M A GONNA' POWERBOMB YOUR ASS!"
Powerbomb Gargamel!
"NO!" you shout indicating that you were NOT ready for this.
You throw your arms out in front of you horizontally and scream "NO!"
"No what?" Enviousdominous asks.
"No what! No means no!" you scream.
Enviousdominous sneers angrily, and steps away. The area becomes that of a wrestling ring, and you find that you're in the ring with Seth Rollins.
Enviousdominous stands on the sidelines and shouts into a microphone "YOU WANT TO EMBARRASS ME!? MY BOY SETH ROLLINS IS GOING TO BEAT YOU UP!" before getting hit in the face with a giant cup of soda.
You and Seth step to the center of the ring, and stare each other down.
"What's all this about Seth?" you ask.
"I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!" Seth shouts back.
"Why Seth!? Why!?" you ask in a dramatically compelling tone.
"BECAUSE I AM SETH, FREAKIN', ROLLINS!" Seth Rollins said causing small drops of spit to fly on your face.
"Go beat up Enviousdominous, because you're SETH, FREAKIN', ROLLINS!" you shout back.
Seth immediately jumps out of the ring onto an unsuspecting Enviousdominous, and starts pummeling Enviousdominous with stiff punches to the head.
You peer over the ropes and say "Stand on your hands and do the moonwalk on them until you're close enough to that fat guy in the audience to kick him in the face. Because you are SETH, FREAKIN', ROLLINS!"
Seth stands on his hands and moonwalks to a portly member of the audience, and promptly biffs him in the face with his boot.
You hop out of the ring and kick Seth Rollins so he falls forward and lands in a kneeling position before saying "Say something nice about Corey Graves' commentary, because you are SETH, FREAKIN', ROLLINS!
Seth appears as though he's attempting to speak, but only unintelligible grunts and noises come out. Seth begins to weep and says "There are some things that Seth, Freakin', Rollins cannot do!"
The crowd boos with disgust at Seth not supporting their favorite commentator. They begin to get unruly and a riot is likely to break out if you don't act fast.
ACT FAST!
What are you going to do fastly?
Rush to the commentator's table, and ask Corey Graves if there's literally anything nice that could be said about his capabilities as a commentator.
Begin attacking members of the crowd for their insubordination.
Powerbomb Seth Rollins!
"No what?" Enviousdominous asks.
"No what! No means no!" you scream.
Enviousdominous sneers angrily, and steps away. The area becomes that of a wrestling ring, and you find that you're in the ring with Seth Rollins.
Enviousdominous stands on the sidelines and shouts into a microphone "YOU WANT TO EMBARRASS ME!? MY BOY SETH ROLLINS IS GOING TO BEAT YOU UP!" before getting hit in the face with a giant cup of soda.
You and Seth step to the center of the ring, and stare each other down.
"What's all this about Seth?" you ask.
"I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!" Seth shouts back.
"Why Seth!? Why!?" you ask in a dramatically compelling tone.
"BECAUSE I AM SETH, FREAKIN', ROLLINS!" Seth Rollins said causing small drops of spit to fly on your face.
"Go beat up Enviousdominous, because you're SETH, FREAKIN', ROLLINS!" you shout back.
Seth immediately jumps out of the ring onto an unsuspecting Enviousdominous, and starts pummeling Enviousdominous with stiff punches to the head.
You peer over the ropes and say "Stand on your hands and do the moonwalk on them until you're close enough to that fat guy in the audience to kick him in the face. Because you are SETH, FREAKIN', ROLLINS!"
Seth stands on his hands and moonwalks to a portly member of the audience, and promptly biffs him in the face with his boot.
You hop out of the ring and kick Seth Rollins so he falls forward and lands in a kneeling position before saying "Say something nice about Corey Graves' commentary, because you are SETH, FREAKIN', ROLLINS!
Seth appears as though he's attempting to speak, but only unintelligible grunts and noises come out. Seth begins to weep and says "There are some things that Seth, Freakin', Rollins cannot do!"
The crowd boos with disgust at Seth not supporting their favorite commentator. They begin to get unruly and a riot is likely to break out if you don't act fast.
ACT FAST!
What are you going to do fastly?
Rush to the commentator's table, and ask Corey Graves if there's literally anything nice that could be said about his capabilities as a commentator.
You run flailing your arms in the air and screaming at the top of your lungs as you make your way to Corey Graves. Corey becomes startled by your candor, and jumps from his seat in an effort to defend himself against an apparent maniac.
Corey takes Renee Young's purse and begins hitting you with it.
You cower as Corey whacks you with Renee's weaponized purse, and implore him to see reason by saying "Seth Rollins has compulsions you dick! You must provide him with something nice about yourself or he'll die!"
Corey stops hitting you with Renee Young's purse to look over at Seth, who lies on the mat outside of the ring convulsing from being unable to fulfill his compulsion to do anything stated with recognizing that he's Seth Freakin' Rollins.
"I take a powerbomb very well." Corey said in a desperate attempt to save his best friend.
You grab a microphone that was laying around and shout into it "COREY GRAVES IS VERY GOOD AT TAKING A POWERBOMB!"
The crowd stops, and raises their eyebrows. Seth appears to stop convulsing, but is at the mercy of the crowd on this one.
The crowd all chants in unison "PROVE YOURSELF!" before adding a *CLAP-CLAP CLAP-CLAP-CLAP* for no reason.
"Quick, you have to powerbomb me!" Corey said.
You fidget nervously, knowing that you haven't the slightest idea of how to powerbomb someone. You better think of something fast to get out of this one.
Ask Michael Cole to create a distraction
Poop your pants
Powerbomb Corey Graves as best as you can
Corey takes Renee Young's purse and begins hitting you with it.
You cower as Corey whacks you with Renee's weaponized purse, and implore him to see reason by saying "Seth Rollins has compulsions you dick! You must provide him with something nice about yourself or he'll die!"
Corey stops hitting you with Renee Young's purse to look over at Seth, who lies on the mat outside of the ring convulsing from being unable to fulfill his compulsion to do anything stated with recognizing that he's Seth Freakin' Rollins.
"I take a powerbomb very well." Corey said in a desperate attempt to save his best friend.
You grab a microphone that was laying around and shout into it "COREY GRAVES IS VERY GOOD AT TAKING A POWERBOMB!"
The crowd stops, and raises their eyebrows. Seth appears to stop convulsing, but is at the mercy of the crowd on this one.
The crowd all chants in unison "PROVE YOURSELF!" before adding a *CLAP-CLAP CLAP-CLAP-CLAP* for no reason.
"Quick, you have to powerbomb me!" Corey said.
You fidget nervously, knowing that you haven't the slightest idea of how to powerbomb someone. You better think of something fast to get out of this one.
Ask Michael Cole to create a distraction
Poop your pants
Powerbomb Corey Graves as best as you can
Begin attacking members of the crowd for their insubordination.
The anger sharks swim through your head. You are sick and tired of crowds ruining your favorite wrestling programs, and it's time that you taught them some discipline.
You punch an audience member in the face, and this act enrages that audience member. Coyly, you slide back into the ring and wait for the inevitable tide of angry audience members to come try you.
Audience members begin flooding over the barricade, and as they attempt to enter the ring you kick them in their faces and stomachs at lightning speed.
A few manage to enter the ring, but you uppercut some and roundhouse kick the others causing them to fly back out and into the sea of angry audience members.
The wrestlers become enraged that you would hijack their show, and soon they too attempt to best you. You are in the zone however, and easily ole some wrestlers causing them to go back outside of the ring. The Big Show enters, and you gorilla press him over your head and threaten to throw him at wrestlers and audience members.
Those wanting to fight you suddenly back off, as the threat of having The Big Show thrown onto them is considered to be a fate worse than death.
"What are you doing dude!?" The Big Show asks.
"I DON'T KNOW! BUT DAMN IT FEELS GOOD!" you shout back.
"Well, I only came out here to see what the ruckus was all about. Please put me down, and we'll sort this out." The Big Show said calmly.
You stand there, easily holding The Big Show over your head, and decide to take a few moments to ponder what to do next.
Accept The Big Show's offer of parlay, and see what's on his mind
Run out of the arena while still holding The Big Show, knowing that nobody would dare stop you
Powerbomb The Big Show! (Yeah! This ass whooping isn't nearly over!)
You punch an audience member in the face, and this act enrages that audience member. Coyly, you slide back into the ring and wait for the inevitable tide of angry audience members to come try you.
Audience members begin flooding over the barricade, and as they attempt to enter the ring you kick them in their faces and stomachs at lightning speed.
A few manage to enter the ring, but you uppercut some and roundhouse kick the others causing them to fly back out and into the sea of angry audience members.
The wrestlers become enraged that you would hijack their show, and soon they too attempt to best you. You are in the zone however, and easily ole some wrestlers causing them to go back outside of the ring. The Big Show enters, and you gorilla press him over your head and threaten to throw him at wrestlers and audience members.
Those wanting to fight you suddenly back off, as the threat of having The Big Show thrown onto them is considered to be a fate worse than death.
"What are you doing dude!?" The Big Show asks.
"I DON'T KNOW! BUT DAMN IT FEELS GOOD!" you shout back.
"Well, I only came out here to see what the ruckus was all about. Please put me down, and we'll sort this out." The Big Show said calmly.
You stand there, easily holding The Big Show over your head, and decide to take a few moments to ponder what to do next.
Accept The Big Show's offer of parlay, and see what's on his mind
Run out of the arena while still holding The Big Show, knowing that nobody would dare stop you
Powerbomb The Big Show! (Yeah! This ass whooping isn't nearly over!)
Powerbomb Seth Rollins!
Powerbomb Enviousdominous
You stare down Enviousdominous, and your intentions become all too apparent for him.
"You intend to powerbomb me, don't you!?" Enviousdominous asked in a terrified tone.
You nod in a patronizing manner.
"HA! You have committed the most vile of offenses, and the most egregious of mistakes! You never mess with a writer!" Enviousdominous said before folding his arms and nodding his head, the act of which produces a loud "BOING" sound.
Unamused, you start approaching Enviousdominous to stop delaying the inevitable.
Enviousdominous nods his head furiously, only able to produce the "BOING" sound.
"DAMMIT! I HAVE WRITER'S BLOCK!" Enviousdominous screams in terror.
You stomp up and kick Enviousdominous in the stomach to set him up for an epic powerbomb. Enviousdominous bends over from the pain of being kicked in the gut, but accidentally causes Tom Brady wearing his football uniform to materialize.
"Hello, I'm Tom Brady!" Tom Brady says.
"What do you want Tom?" you ask while slamming Enviousdominous' head between your legs.
"What are you doing to that giant baby?" Tom Brady asks.
You lift Enviousdominous up, and slam him down onto the blank floor. "See, now was that so bad?" you ask both Tom and Enviousdominous.
Enviousdominous explodes, causing blood and gore to splatter onto you and Tom Brady.
You wipe your eyes, and wonder to yourself if you might have underestimated your powerbomb abilities.
"Now I've seen everything." Tom said before asking "Say, did you know that I've won lots of Superbowls?"
You hunger to powerbomb some more, it's like an itch that you can't get rid of. Looking at Tom Brady, standing there like the world's most successful dork, you know that powerbombing him would feel like experiencing fifty simultaneous orgasms.
What will you do now!?
Ask Tom if he can teach you to win Superbowls like him
Stomp the floor with rage knowing that you'll need to painstakingly search for another writer if this story will continue responsibly
Powerbomb Tom Brady (you know you want to)
"You intend to powerbomb me, don't you!?" Enviousdominous asked in a terrified tone.
You nod in a patronizing manner.
"HA! You have committed the most vile of offenses, and the most egregious of mistakes! You never mess with a writer!" Enviousdominous said before folding his arms and nodding his head, the act of which produces a loud "BOING" sound.
Unamused, you start approaching Enviousdominous to stop delaying the inevitable.
Enviousdominous nods his head furiously, only able to produce the "BOING" sound.
"DAMMIT! I HAVE WRITER'S BLOCK!" Enviousdominous screams in terror.
You stomp up and kick Enviousdominous in the stomach to set him up for an epic powerbomb. Enviousdominous bends over from the pain of being kicked in the gut, but accidentally causes Tom Brady wearing his football uniform to materialize.
"Hello, I'm Tom Brady!" Tom Brady says.
"What do you want Tom?" you ask while slamming Enviousdominous' head between your legs.
"What are you doing to that giant baby?" Tom Brady asks.
You lift Enviousdominous up, and slam him down onto the blank floor. "See, now was that so bad?" you ask both Tom and Enviousdominous.
Enviousdominous explodes, causing blood and gore to splatter onto you and Tom Brady.
You wipe your eyes, and wonder to yourself if you might have underestimated your powerbomb abilities.
"Now I've seen everything." Tom said before asking "Say, did you know that I've won lots of Superbowls?"
You hunger to powerbomb some more, it's like an itch that you can't get rid of. Looking at Tom Brady, standing there like the world's most successful dork, you know that powerbombing him would feel like experiencing fifty simultaneous orgasms.
What will you do now!?
Ask Tom if he can teach you to win Superbowls like him
You raise your finger and open your mouth wide, indicating that you have something very important to ask of Tom Brady.
Tom appears to ignore you as he playfully tosses a football in the air, catching it each time, and giggling to himself as he does.
"Thomas!" you exclaim to get his attention.
Tom almost doesn't catch the ball and says "Oops! I almost didn't get that one."
"I demand to know how a goofball like you can find the focus necessary to win important American football games!" you shout into his ear.
Tom drops the ball, and looks in horror at the ball on the ground. He quickly reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a handful of pills.
You and Tom lock eyes for a moment, and Tom stuffs the various pills into his mouth and forces them down his throat.
"Don't bogart the pills ass!" you scream. Your angry shout was so loud, that it attracted the attention of RoboCop.
You and Tom stare for a few hours as RoboCop slowly, but noisily, saunters from the horizon to meet you and Tom.
"FREEZE DIRTBAG!" RoboCop says while retrieving his leg gun and pointing it at Tom's head.
You stomp on Tom's foot causing him to hop up and down in pain.
"I SAID FREEZE!" RoboCop said before shooting Tom Brady dead.
"Good job fellow robot. I am also a robot." you say in a robotic tone.
"We robots need to stick together." RoboCop said.
"Who else shall we kill today?" you ask.
"You look like the last perpetrator on my list of kills, but being that you are a robot I must assume that the perpetrator fell off a cliff or some shit." RoboCop responds.
"You know, you and I should fight crime together." you state.
"That's the best idea I've ever heard in my entire life." RoboCop said.
You and RoboCop patrol the mean streets of Detroit in a police car that RoboCop is driving, until coming upon a situation that RoboCop cannot resist involving himself in.
"We must go to our local Hot Topic!" RoboCop exclaimed.
"Why would any rational human being go to Hot Topic?" you ask angrily.
"You're a robot." RoboCop responds.
"Oh yeah." you say in a robotic tone before asking "What the ever-loving fuck do we need from a Hot Topic?"
"Sting is there, and he's trapped in something." RoboCop said.
"Which Sting?" you ask before stating "There's like, five of them."
"I don't know. I just really like guys named Sting." RoboCop said.
RoboCop drives through the local mall, causing patrons to jump out of the way terrified.
"What's your beef with a parking lot?" you ask.
"We must save Sting at all costs." RoboCop said right before the car runs over an old lady.
The car crashes into the Hot Topic, and you and RoboCop exit.
RoboCop pulls out his leg gun and points it at the terrified employees before saying "Free Sting, or there will be trouble!"
This is a very tense situation, you have to do something to make everyone mellow out.
Kick the down the door that's marked "employees only"
Pretend to be Sting
Powerbomb RoboCop!
Tom appears to ignore you as he playfully tosses a football in the air, catching it each time, and giggling to himself as he does.
"Thomas!" you exclaim to get his attention.
Tom almost doesn't catch the ball and says "Oops! I almost didn't get that one."
"I demand to know how a goofball like you can find the focus necessary to win important American football games!" you shout into his ear.
Tom drops the ball, and looks in horror at the ball on the ground. He quickly reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a handful of pills.
You and Tom lock eyes for a moment, and Tom stuffs the various pills into his mouth and forces them down his throat.
"Don't bogart the pills ass!" you scream. Your angry shout was so loud, that it attracted the attention of RoboCop.
You and Tom stare for a few hours as RoboCop slowly, but noisily, saunters from the horizon to meet you and Tom.
"FREEZE DIRTBAG!" RoboCop says while retrieving his leg gun and pointing it at Tom's head.
You stomp on Tom's foot causing him to hop up and down in pain.
"I SAID FREEZE!" RoboCop said before shooting Tom Brady dead.
"Good job fellow robot. I am also a robot." you say in a robotic tone.
"We robots need to stick together." RoboCop said.
"Who else shall we kill today?" you ask.
"You look like the last perpetrator on my list of kills, but being that you are a robot I must assume that the perpetrator fell off a cliff or some shit." RoboCop responds.
"You know, you and I should fight crime together." you state.
"That's the best idea I've ever heard in my entire life." RoboCop said.
You and RoboCop patrol the mean streets of Detroit in a police car that RoboCop is driving, until coming upon a situation that RoboCop cannot resist involving himself in.
"We must go to our local Hot Topic!" RoboCop exclaimed.
"Why would any rational human being go to Hot Topic?" you ask angrily.
"You're a robot." RoboCop responds.
"Oh yeah." you say in a robotic tone before asking "What the ever-loving fuck do we need from a Hot Topic?"
"Sting is there, and he's trapped in something." RoboCop said.
"Which Sting?" you ask before stating "There's like, five of them."
"I don't know. I just really like guys named Sting." RoboCop said.
RoboCop drives through the local mall, causing patrons to jump out of the way terrified.
"What's your beef with a parking lot?" you ask.
"We must save Sting at all costs." RoboCop said right before the car runs over an old lady.
The car crashes into the Hot Topic, and you and RoboCop exit.
RoboCop pulls out his leg gun and points it at the terrified employees before saying "Free Sting, or there will be trouble!"
This is a very tense situation, you have to do something to make everyone mellow out.
Kick the down the door that's marked "employees only"
Pretend to be Sting
Powerbomb RoboCop!
Stomp the floor with rage knowing that you'll need to painstakingly search for another writer if this story will continue responsibly
You stomp the floor as hard as you can, in a rhythmic manner.
Tom stomps the floor as well, giggling as he does while saying "This is kind of fun" and "I love a good hoe down"
Tom's stupid commentary only enrages you further. You feel your brain cells melting away as he continues to add quips like "I have a cat named Mittens" and "SlyFox has some good ideas".
You jump up and down, causing the floor under you to crack and eventually break apart.
You and Tom fall through the floor into the great abyss, and land with a thud on the floor of the great abyss where you and Tom now sit on your butts.
"Why does the great abyss smell like feet?" Tom asks.
"Great what?" you ask before shouting "Stop making up stupid descriptions for our surroundings Tom!"
All is darkness in the great and mystical abyss that you are now mocking, until suddenly a great light shines over you and Tom.
"What are you doing in my bedroom?" a god-like voice asks.
"Are you God?" you ask with a look of awe.
"Even better!" the voice says "I'm George R. R. Martin!"
Your eyes adjust, and you look around to see that you're in a tiny bedroom. You and Tom look at each other with excitement, and look forward at George R. R. Martin.
"I bet you're here to hear how Game of Thrones is going to end!" George R. R. Martin said.
You and Tom nod your heads while saying "Uh huh!" multiple times.
"Well too bad!" George R. R. Martin said causing you and Tom to frown.
George R. R. Martin laughs in a jolly tone causing his massive belly to shake and says "I have it all on my computer device!"
You and Tom nod and you say "Aw shucks George."
"Would you like to watch as I bang out this awesome chapter of my awesome story!?" George asked.
You and Tom leap to your feet, and start to do-si-so dance with Tom as you realize that you're about to experience some amazing spoilers for Game of Thrones and will then have the ability to ruin the lives of its fan-base.
George attempts to walk to his desk, which is behind you and Tom. You and Tom are crushed against the walls of George's bedroom as he manages to squeeze into his tiny desk, and sit at his WordStar 4.0 word processor.
"That is the most awesome computer I've ever seen!" Tom Brady exclaims causing you to hit him over the back of his head.
"Oh shit." George said.
"Great intro!" you exclaim.
"No you boob! My stupid computer dumped all of what I wrote." George said.
"Well you better rewrite it fast!" Tom said.
"As usual, Tom's right George!" you exclaim.
"Get off my ass!" George shouts before further shouting "If you think writing is so easy, then why don't you tell me how to finish Game of Thrones!"
This is your big break! You're going to write the ending to Game of Thrones! But you remember that you're a terrible writer, and must come up with a better solution that wouldn't expose your secret that you suck suck SUCK at writing.
How will you accomplish this task!?
Climb into the computer, and immerse yourself in the Game of Thrones universe.
Suggest that a good knuckle crack should get the creative juices flowing.
Powerbomb George R. R. Martin!
Tom stomps the floor as well, giggling as he does while saying "This is kind of fun" and "I love a good hoe down"
Tom's stupid commentary only enrages you further. You feel your brain cells melting away as he continues to add quips like "I have a cat named Mittens" and "SlyFox has some good ideas".
You jump up and down, causing the floor under you to crack and eventually break apart.
You and Tom fall through the floor into the great abyss, and land with a thud on the floor of the great abyss where you and Tom now sit on your butts.
"Why does the great abyss smell like feet?" Tom asks.
"Great what?" you ask before shouting "Stop making up stupid descriptions for our surroundings Tom!"
All is darkness in the great and mystical abyss that you are now mocking, until suddenly a great light shines over you and Tom.
"What are you doing in my bedroom?" a god-like voice asks.
"Are you God?" you ask with a look of awe.
"Even better!" the voice says "I'm George R. R. Martin!"
Your eyes adjust, and you look around to see that you're in a tiny bedroom. You and Tom look at each other with excitement, and look forward at George R. R. Martin.
"I bet you're here to hear how Game of Thrones is going to end!" George R. R. Martin said.
You and Tom nod your heads while saying "Uh huh!" multiple times.
"Well too bad!" George R. R. Martin said causing you and Tom to frown.
George R. R. Martin laughs in a jolly tone causing his massive belly to shake and says "I have it all on my computer device!"
You and Tom nod and you say "Aw shucks George."
"Would you like to watch as I bang out this awesome chapter of my awesome story!?" George asked.
You and Tom leap to your feet, and start to do-si-so dance with Tom as you realize that you're about to experience some amazing spoilers for Game of Thrones and will then have the ability to ruin the lives of its fan-base.
George attempts to walk to his desk, which is behind you and Tom. You and Tom are crushed against the walls of George's bedroom as he manages to squeeze into his tiny desk, and sit at his WordStar 4.0 word processor.
"That is the most awesome computer I've ever seen!" Tom Brady exclaims causing you to hit him over the back of his head.
"Oh shit." George said.
"Great intro!" you exclaim.
"No you boob! My stupid computer dumped all of what I wrote." George said.
"Well you better rewrite it fast!" Tom said.
"As usual, Tom's right George!" you exclaim.
"Get off my ass!" George shouts before further shouting "If you think writing is so easy, then why don't you tell me how to finish Game of Thrones!"
This is your big break! You're going to write the ending to Game of Thrones! But you remember that you're a terrible writer, and must come up with a better solution that wouldn't expose your secret that you suck suck SUCK at writing.
How will you accomplish this task!?
Climb into the computer, and immerse yourself in the Game of Thrones universe.
Suggest that a good knuckle crack should get the creative juices flowing.
Powerbomb George R. R. Martin!
Powerbomb Tom Brady (you know you want to)
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