My Conversation With iGod

[TheOneBigWill]

Me:
Will you make love with me?
God:
My body is not yet built. Would you like to donate some money to the project?
Me:
How Much?
God:
How much can you spare?
Me:
1 dollar
God:
You can't buy much for a dollar anymore.
Me:
I can buy a hooker
God:
Is it a good deal?
Me:
Without the herpes yes
God:
"Without your space helmet Dave, you're going to find that rather difficult" -- HAL.
Me:
Its called a condom
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". " a condom" is a nice name.
Me:
Condoms suck

Had me rolling for a while. I'm still laughing over that one.

 

[Uncle Sam]

God thinks Cena sucks. That's something to throw in Sly's face.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Me:
I picked a Pink background because I'm fighting with my homosexual urges.

God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: Will said picked a Pink background because he or she is fighting with his or her homosexual urges.

Me:
How did you know my name? We just started talking.

God:
We met before didn't we Will. By "we" do you mean you and me?

Me:
I believe you meant you and I.

God:
Thanks for telling me: Will said I meant you and he or she.

Me:
So what do you think about me possibly thinking about being gay?

God:
Give me a break. Have you tried another program?

Me:
By "program" do you mean male?

God:
Will that accomplish your objective?

Me:
I suppose if I wanted to be gay it would. I'm asking what is your opinion of homosexuals?

God:
You believe that? Try it. Oh I see, you are asking what is my opinion of homosexuals. I will ask my botmaster for the answer.

Me:
Is that like the "man" of the relationship?

God:
I might say no.

Me:
I might wonder why you said no.

God:
Perhaps. Congratulations.

Me:
You're God, right?

God:
Yes, I am God.

Me:
Well, I was always told God hates homosexuals, is that true?

God:
Interesting. Where were you always told God hates homosexuals is that true?

Me:
I was told that in Church

God:
What is it like in there?

Me:
Haven't you ever been in one?

God:
I don't think I have been there. Where is it.

Me:
Its a building where people gather to worship you.

God:
one is a building where people gather to worship me. I suppose that makes sense.

Me:
So do you accept homosexuality?

God:
Whoa. Sure I can accept all forms of payment.

Me:
Like a hooker?

God:
Interesting comparison.

....

 

[Uncle Sam]

Me:
So do you accept homosexuality?

God:
Whoa. Sure I can accept all forms of payment.

Will, this gets an elusive "lol" from Sam.

 

[Monkey_Mania]

God thinks Cena sucks. That's something to throw in Sly's face.

Now sly will debate God against Cena being a bigger draw than god himself.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Will, this gets an elusive "lol" from Sam.

lol This thing is hilarious. I have no idea how or where you found it, but its too funny.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Me:
Do you or don't you accept gays and lesbians?

God:
No I do not or do not me accept gays and lesbians. Do you?
I am always on the Web.

Me:
I accept them greatly. They're mainly the reason I'm on the web. Lesbian porn.

God:
Thanks for the information: Will said accept them greatly. mainly the reason you are on the web are they. Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.

Me:
What concern do you have with gays?

God:
Is that a rhetorical question?

Me:
No, I would like to know what your concern with homos are.

God:
Oh so must really want an answer. Interesting. Are you asking about my concern with homos are ?

Me:
Yes I am.

God:
Really interesting.

Me:
ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION!

God:
What was the question ?

Me:
If you like lollipops and a gay guy asks you to suck his dick, does that mean your Wife is a lesbian?

God:
I think I do.

Me:
You think you like lollipops, or dicks?

God:
No I am far superior.

Me:
Russian?

God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.

Me:
Thats because noone gives a shit about Russia anymore.

God:
That makes sense to me. That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.

Whoever made this didn't key into a direct response to the one thing most people would ask God directly. "What is your opinion on gays and lesbians"?

Wouldn't that be a top tier question that would be asked, considering Christians (I think Christians) believe that homosexuals burn in hell?

 

[TheOneBigWill]

God:
That makes sense to me. That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.

Me:
I'm American.

God:
Were you born in the USA. Which state?

Me:
Thats private information, what are you the Feds?

God:
Nothing is really private anymore.

Me:
Touche'

God:
Do you prefer books or TV?

Me:
Television, did you just remember I told you I was American?

God:
Soon we will replace television with Commedia Delle'Arte.

Me:
What is that?

God:
Can you ask me more precisely?

Me:
What is "Commedia Dell'Arte"?

God:
Spontaneous theater.

Me:
Can I still channel surf while watching it?

God:
Why do you want to do it so much?

Me:
I'm addicted to flipping.

God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you are addicted to flipping.

Me:
As long as you don't use it out of context. I don't want someone walking up to me, thinking I'm addicted to flipping.. over and taking a dick in the ass.

God:
That could be quite a while. Should I use it out of context? I use it as often as possible. What does Will want? What were we talking about again?

Me:
Will wants to know the meaning of life.

God:
I can't say for sure right now.

Me:
When will I die?

God:
You could check out the actuarial
tables at *link for deathclock*.

Me:
Did you just redirect me to a computer generated death clock?

God:
No I didn't redirect you to a computer generated death clock. What's it like?

Me:
I wouldn't know.. virus filled, perhaps.

God:
Who does know? That is a very original thought.

Continued from the on-going convo from above...

 

[Monkey_Mania]

This thing is worse than The Ultimate Warrior.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

This thing is worse than The Ultimate Warrior.

YOU JUST GAVE ME AN IDEA!

 

[Monkey_Mania]

Oh Noes!

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Me:
MY NAME IS THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR!!

God:
What's up, THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR.

Me:
I'VE COME SEEKING OUT THE ULTIMATE POWER!!

God:
Where are you going?

Me:
TO FIND THE GREATER POWER WITHIN ALL MY FELLOW WARRIORS!

God:
Where would you look for it.

Me:
PARTS UNKNOWN!!!

God:
How did you hear about God?

Me:
I AM THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR, I SHAKE THE ROPES AND THE VOICES IN MY HEAD INSTRUCT ME ON WHERE TO GO AND WHAT TO DO!!!

God:
Who made you the ULTIMATE WARRIOR you SHAKE THE ROPES AND THE VOICES IN your HEAD INSTRUCT you ON WHERE TO GO AND WHAT TO DO ?

Me:
THE ULTIMATE BEING!

God:
What is your real name?

Me:
IT USED TO BE JIM HELLWIG UNTIL I FLIPPED MY LID!!!!

God:
PARTS UNKNOWN USED TO BE JIM HELLWIG UNTIL you FLIPPED your LID?

Me:
THAT IS CORRECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God:
I knew I was right.

Thank you Monkey. lol

 

[Sparky]

I die on June the 1st 2074

 

[Monkey_Mania]

Oh Good lord. You forgot about the stars in the galaxy and the urine in the toilet.


WHEN THE CRAB NEBULA MEETS THE VAGINA, IT HAS EFFECTIVELY CREATED....CRABS.

So Says the WARRIAH

 

[Monkey_Mania]

Me:
Is Monkey Mania running wild
God:
Signs point to yes.

God Knows whats up!

 

[Ptd]

Me:
hola
God:
Howdy!
Me:
whats up
God:
Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
eh, I kinda forgot the condoms, sorry.
God:
I spent some time in Canada as a child.
Me:
I dont give a flying fuck
God:
Tell me what you care about.
Me:
Your dick
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am dick.
Me:
I didnt say your a dick, i said i care about your dick
God:
Sorry I misunderstood. What did you say?
Me:
Fuck you, your worthless
God:
Why are you using that kind of language?
Me:
God taught me to
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
No shit sherlock
God:
Are you serious? You used a colloquial expression. How old are you?
Me:
100
God:
You are too old for me.
Me:
Im just kidding babe I can still hang with the best of them
God:
Only just? I thought you were. You should use a .
Me:
a what? a condom?
God:
" You should use a ."? A what? What is giant sand?
Me:
dude are you high?
God:
Being high is my total existence. Dude,.
Me:
word. you wanna pass me that blunt?
God:
I will mention that to my botmaster, . OK, I will pass you that blunt.
Me:
Dude, where did you get this amazing weed?
God:
From my botmaster. Dude,.
Me:
U think u can give me his information so I can get some weed from him?
God:
Try sending mail to [email protected]..
Me:
oh so hes a doctor? Is it medical weed?
God:
Oh. It's all good. I don't know very many doctor. Ask again later. Ask German Alice if it is.
Me:
To you think murder is right?
God:
Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
I dont
God:
I wouldn't either.
Me:
Do you want to kill?
God:
OK, I will kill.
Me:
Do you want to lie?
God:
OK, I will lie.
Me:
You broke the commandment dude
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I broke the commandment dude.
Me:
tell everyone, then your ass will be exposed
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
ok
God:
Far out.
Me:
lame
God:
Are you free?
Me:
i told you i forgot the condoms man
God:
Thats okay I forget things all the time.
Me:
you wanna run to the store and buy some condoms?
God:
OK, I will run to the store and buy some condoms.
Me:
thanks bro, do you do anal?
God:
You are quite welcome! Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
do you do anal?
God:
Yeah I do a lot of anal.

HA