MD102: Ricky Runn vs. Titus vs. Constantine
- Thread starter Harthan
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Knowledge is power
???: Welcome to our grand re-opening, ladies and gentlemen. It's taken us a while to get back to this point but I am overjoyed to be able to welcome you back to the Sterling Law Library.
Constantine sits on a wooden chair in the middle of a raised platform as a vigorous applause begins breaks out. As the sun shines down upon his face, he squints his eyes to see the crowd amassed before him. It had been a long time since Constantine visited this place but it already sent a refreshing lift through his spirit memories.
???: As Provost of this great institution, it has been a labour of love to bring this building into the 21st century. The Sterling Law Library has stood in this spot since 1931 and in that time, many renowned alumni has passed through it's hallowed halls. To reflect Yale University's ethic of change and progress, we have brought this building back into modern times and it is with great pleasure that I introduce to you, an alumna whom I am sure you will all recognise.
Provost Roberts turns to Constantine and flashes a smile towards him. Constantine returns the smile and quickly stands to attention.
Roberts: He is a former Senator for the great state of Missouri and now an active wrestler in WrestleZone Championship Wrestling. A former King For A Day Champion and one hell of a personality.
Constantine laughs slightly as Provost Roberts turns back towards the crowd.
Roberts: Ladies and gentlemen, it is my great pleasure to introduce the man who will reopen this illustrious campus building. Mr. John Constantine.
A smattering of applause circulates once again as Constantine fixes the buttons on his blazer and moves towards the microphone. Looking down onto the faces of the gathered crowd, Constantine pauses briefly perhaps remembering his own time at this great university.
Constantine: Light and truth. The motto and the ethic that has made this University one of the greatest institutions in the history of this great country. Standing before you now, I finally understand the definitive meaning behind those words. How I wish I could have figured that out 20 years ago...
The crowd laughs a little as Constantine tilts his head to look at the amazingly beautiful building that stands beside him. He studies it for a moment in silence before turning back to the crowd.
Constantine: Truth and light are constant. No matter how dark the night is or how blurred the truth becomes, they are always around the corner. Sure, they can be manipulated sometimes but they are always there, waiting to illuminate situations and set the world right. It is looking at this building now that I see how much impact those words, that were ingrained in my brain during my time here, have made in my life. My world has and always will be flooded with darkness at times. But the light is never too far behind. There were times, even here, that I constantly questioned whether I was really ready for an institution such as this. Similarly, there have also been times in my political career where I question whether I am truly fighting for truth.
The crowd sit patiently as Constantine pauses once more. He lets out a small laugh as he leans on the wooden pedestal that stands before him.
Constantine: Even now, in WrestleZone Championship wrestling, I struggle with darkness and lies. Our society is one which likes to blur the line between truth and lies and darkness and light. That sort of manipulation is rife. But thinking back on my time here, I like to think that it was in this building that I learned how to cope with that and eventually how to combat it. In his great university, I was taught life lessons that I will never forget and that still shape my career and personality to this day.
Constantine looks down at the young faces that stare back at him. Looking in some of their eyes, he sees some of himself in them.
Constantine: As I look down at some of you, I see the same look on some of your faces that I so often seen on my own during my time here. But buildings like this are the staple of this university, the light in the dark that you all need so dearly. The wealth of experience and knowledge that is behind those doors is more than anything I could ever share with you here today or ever. But it is my great honour to be able to open the doors to knowledge to you all. For in that knowledge you will all find your own light to illuminate the darkness. It is with that knowledge that you will define your own line between truth and lies and shape your personality and future just as I shaped mine.
Constantine pauses once again, allowing his words to sink to the impressionable minds of his listeners.
Constantine: So I must thank Provost Roberts for this great opportunity here today. And without any further ado, I hereby re-open the Sterling Law Library. Good luck to all of you and please remember that knowledge is power.
Constantine turns around and begins to clap as a curtain falls from the front of the door of the building, revealing a portion of the insides. The gathered guests stand as they begin to clap too. Constantine stops clapping and a thoughtful look befalls his features.
* * *
Constantine sits in the darkness by an open window, a lit cigarette in one hand and a glass of Scotch in the other. The room is silent save for the sound of a light breeze rolling in the window towards The Power Trip blowing the smoke inside the room. Constantine seems distracted somewhat, miles away from his current situation. From the corner of the room, Mia appears through the doorway. With a look of concern on her face, she sits down beside Constantine and allows him to silently come to terms with her presence.
Mia: You're smoking?
Constantine: Oh...
Constantine abruptly wakes from his smoke induced daze and looks at Mia. He remains silent but takes a puff from his cigarette.
Mia: I haven't seen that in a while. The last time I seen that was just before Kingdom Come and your match with S.H.I.T.
Constantine: Truth and light, Mia. That's what I was taught when I went to Yale. Two ethics that I thought were so clear in mind. Even when I was chasing votes in Missouri, I always thought that I was doing it for truth, that I was the shining light for the voters. But somewhere along the line, I lost that. Standing at that pedestal yesterday, I felt like a fraud. I told them what they wanted to hear but the meaning was lost in me.
Mia takes a cigarette from the box and lights it up herself. She inhales deeply and releases the smoke into the air once again.
Mia: Showtime?
Constantine: He's been calling all weekend.
Mia: Have you taken his calls?
Constantine: Not yet.
Mia seems surprised somewhat as Constantine's words takes her aback.
Mia: Yet is quite the departure from Not in this lifetime.
Constantine: I just don't know what to think any more, Mia. When I returned, I wanted to make sure that I was doing it for a reason. That reason was something bigger than Showtime David Cougar. Far bigger than Michael Winters and far bigger than Titus. Having beaten him so recently, how did I find myself coming to his aid on multiple occasions?
Mia: You did what you thought was right.
Constantine: But I've lost myself, Mia. I knew it wouldn't be easy to accomplish what I needed to but how did it become such a quagmire? Where is the truth and light in all of this, Mia? The truth of the matter is, that I have already lost my way.
Mia and Constantine both take a draw of their cigarettes and settle back into their silence.
Constantine: And the truth of the matter is that I don't want any part of this feud. It was never my intention to get wrapped up in all of this, never my intention to lock horns with Showtime anyway. I had a bigger goal. But why is it that whenever I head him talk, it seems to make sense? Why is that we both seem to be fighting for the same thing but both being locked up in something that is not important? Where is the light at the end of the tunnel, Mia?
Mia: So don't help Titus any more.
Constantine snorts in a derisory fashion.
Constantine: This was never about Titus, Mia. This was about fighting for a purpose. When I defeated Titus, I assumed that this was the start of something much bigger. But I have come too far now to simply oblige Showtime and move out of the way. But now I have to choose between conceding defeat to my arch-nemesis or giving up on my goals.
Mia: Muddied somewhat by the fact that you have a match against Titus and Ricky Runn this week.
Constantine: Precisely, Mia. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that Showtime had a hand in this. This is absolutely a no-win situation for me. Titus is not going to be reliant on me but by putting us in the same match with the World Champion a man that I have vowed to destroy he has absolutely no choice but to tear apart the alliance that we have seemingly formed. A match with the World Champion is something that both Titus and I deserve and something that we would absolutely relish... In any other situation. Darkness is upon us.
Mia sits silently as Constantine sips at his Scotch. That is until her face lights up with a sudden realisation.
Mia: Maybe you're over-thinking this, John? Things don't have to be so complicated all the time. Politics is politics inside or outside of the ring but winning is more important. You don't owe Titus anything and you have to understand that when you enter that ring, he's just another opponent that is standing in your way. Ricky Runn is an atrocity that cannot be ignored, You have worked far too hard on this to allow your mind to be clouded. Ricky Runn is the end-game and Titus is just another hurdle standing in your way.
Constantine: If I destroy Titus like I did only weeks ago, then all of my work for the last few weeks will have been for nothing. Showtime will have won.
Mia: And it means nothing to you. Showtime's happiness at destroying Titus will only be outdone by your destruction of the World Heavyweight Champion and completion of a long-term goal.
Constantine tuts and turns away from his girlfriend. Mia stands up and slaps Constantine across the face. Constantine turns around in complete shock but quickly removes his gaze from Mia's fiery eyes.
Mia: You asked for your light at the end of the tunnel, John. You asked for a ray of light in an otherwise dark situation. I have offered it to you. You will go to Meltdown and beat Ricky Runn. You will defeat the World Champion of WZCW. And more importantly, John, you will destroy Titus and Showtime's plan for him. Don't disappoint me... Don't disappoint yourself.
Constantine sits as Mia kisses his cheek, his skin still red raw with the imprint of her hand, before leaving him alone to his thoughts and deafening silence.
Lee
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's Supermod!
A smiley and tidy looking Titus Avison is shown on screen. He's sporting the latest t-shirt available on WZCW.com. This says 'Titus' on the front and 'Pursue' on the back.
Titus: My name is Titus Avison. You may have heard of me.
There's a cut to TMZ studios as our host Harvey Levin jumps straight in.
Levin: Well it's the picture that everyone is talking about which broke Twitter and has took the world by storm.
The now famous selfie picture from the Oscars is shown.
Levin: Jared Leto, Jennifer Lawrence, Channing Tatum, Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts, Kevin Spacey, Bradley Cooper, Brad Pitt, Lupita Nyong'o, Peter Nyong'o and Angelina Jolie are joined by the now five time Oscar winner Titus Avison.
Levin chuckles.
Levin: Though have you noticed how Brad Pitt is looking at Titus? He does look a bit familiar to WZCW fans I'm sure! In all seriousness though, congratulations on your fifth Oscar Titus. Well done.
Back to Titus.
Titus: I want to talk to you, the people of the WZCW universe, about some things that are close to my heart.
Titus pauses as he looks directly to the camera. His stare pierces.
Titus: Number one is justice. I'm talking to you Showinter. Whatever your problem is with me Show you need to get over it. I made you tap out and that's not something you forget in a hurry. It's a good job he's got some help from Michael Winters.
A chuckle by Titus.
Titus: A history lesson, if you will. Ascension 31 way way back and I faced the Elite X champion at the time. The match was, of course, a non title match and my opponent was Michael Winters. So what happened?
Titus: He tapped out. See this sorry tale carries on at Meltdown 57 which sees one of my esteemed opponents tonight enter the fray.
Titus: He claims it's not about me, Showtime or Winters but here is true hatred for the man. Most people won't recall that. I do.
A pause again by Titus.
Titus: That's why I want to talk to you about perseverance. Just a few weeks ago I was in a match against Constantine and I lost. He's now appointed himself as my personal body guard, for whatever reason. My aim was to beat John Constantine and the opportunity didn't happen. This week opportunity knocks once again and through perseverance I can overcome.
Titus smiles at the camera.
Titus: The thing is I don't know how to take the man. With accolades on par with mine I admire his tenacity and desire. He's a former Senator and that takes some doing. Someone recommended I run for Mayor of Keystone but Missouri is a whole different ball game.
It's perseverance. I may have been on a WZCW lull of late but it's that desire that pushes on. I have respect for John. A lot of respect and I will give him all respect in the ring. Ah respect.
Titus puts his hands under the table he's stood behind and he brings out two briefcases.
Titus: R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to me. As a five time Oscar winner the thing I have the most respect for is not that award. It's this.
Titus opens both briefcases to reveal a great award.
Titus: This isn't the original World Heavyweight Championships belt. I had respect for this company and this lineage that once I ended the so called Real World Championship I called for a redesign. This is what we got. It shouts champion in a way that is humble. This was years before the word swag would ever be uttered. Such quietness. Much honour. Such wow. No Doge. You're not the first Ricky I've faced who needs to learn about respect.
Titus slams the cases down.
Titus: What you have done to that belt is sacrilege. It makes me feel sick just needing to look at it. The fact that our wonderful owner approved that is baffling to me. Respect is out the window. A cocky demeanour who has the world at his feet, that's how you see yourself. To me you're Ricky Runn. You're a guy who needed Reynolds to help him out too often. You may claim you've changed, but I still see that lost lad there wondering what is going on. Show some respect man. At least John can do that.
Titus sighs.
Titus: At Meltdown I'll show you what I'm capable of. You've heard legends? Well you're about to see it.
Fade to black.
Titus: My name is Titus Avison. You may have heard of me.
There's a cut to TMZ studios as our host Harvey Levin jumps straight in.
Levin: Well it's the picture that everyone is talking about which broke Twitter and has took the world by storm.
The now famous selfie picture from the Oscars is shown.
Levin: Jared Leto, Jennifer Lawrence, Channing Tatum, Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts, Kevin Spacey, Bradley Cooper, Brad Pitt, Lupita Nyong'o, Peter Nyong'o and Angelina Jolie are joined by the now five time Oscar winner Titus Avison.
Levin chuckles.
Levin: Though have you noticed how Brad Pitt is looking at Titus? He does look a bit familiar to WZCW fans I'm sure! In all seriousness though, congratulations on your fifth Oscar Titus. Well done.
Back to Titus.
Titus: I want to talk to you, the people of the WZCW universe, about some things that are close to my heart.
Titus pauses as he looks directly to the camera. His stare pierces.
Titus: Number one is justice. I'm talking to you Showinter. Whatever your problem is with me Show you need to get over it. I made you tap out and that's not something you forget in a hurry. It's a good job he's got some help from Michael Winters.
A chuckle by Titus.
Titus: A history lesson, if you will. Ascension 31 way way back and I faced the Elite X champion at the time. The match was, of course, a non title match and my opponent was Michael Winters. So what happened?
Titus: He tapped out. See this sorry tale carries on at Meltdown 57 which sees one of my esteemed opponents tonight enter the fray.
Titus: He claims it's not about me, Showtime or Winters but here is true hatred for the man. Most people won't recall that. I do.
A pause again by Titus.
Titus: That's why I want to talk to you about perseverance. Just a few weeks ago I was in a match against Constantine and I lost. He's now appointed himself as my personal body guard, for whatever reason. My aim was to beat John Constantine and the opportunity didn't happen. This week opportunity knocks once again and through perseverance I can overcome.
Titus smiles at the camera.
Titus: The thing is I don't know how to take the man. With accolades on par with mine I admire his tenacity and desire. He's a former Senator and that takes some doing. Someone recommended I run for Mayor of Keystone but Missouri is a whole different ball game.
It's perseverance. I may have been on a WZCW lull of late but it's that desire that pushes on. I have respect for John. A lot of respect and I will give him all respect in the ring. Ah respect.
Titus puts his hands under the table he's stood behind and he brings out two briefcases.
Titus: R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to me. As a five time Oscar winner the thing I have the most respect for is not that award. It's this.
Titus opens both briefcases to reveal a great award.
Titus: This isn't the original World Heavyweight Championships belt. I had respect for this company and this lineage that once I ended the so called Real World Championship I called for a redesign. This is what we got. It shouts champion in a way that is humble. This was years before the word swag would ever be uttered. Such quietness. Much honour. Such wow. No Doge. You're not the first Ricky I've faced who needs to learn about respect.
Titus slams the cases down.
Titus: What you have done to that belt is sacrilege. It makes me feel sick just needing to look at it. The fact that our wonderful owner approved that is baffling to me. Respect is out the window. A cocky demeanour who has the world at his feet, that's how you see yourself. To me you're Ricky Runn. You're a guy who needed Reynolds to help him out too often. You may claim you've changed, but I still see that lost lad there wondering what is going on. Show some respect man. At least John can do that.
Titus sighs.
Titus: At Meltdown I'll show you what I'm capable of. You've heard legends? Well you're about to see it.
Fade to black.
We are taken to a beautiful beach in Miami, Florida where hundreds of fans have gathered to the Q&A session with the one and only, sexiest World Heavyweight Champion that was so hot, he caused the world title to completely melt off his waist, thus causing Ricky to reinvent the belt with his own style, and infused part of his own swag into the bloodline of World Heavyweight Champions.
Without getting too far carried away with the greatness that is Ricky Runn, the Swagtastic voice of a generation, Ricky had a special event planned at South Beach, where he was going to do a live Q&A interview with the youth of the world. An announcement that would blow the minds of millions and billions of people once they heard it. It was truly Earth shattering and ground moving. Only problem? Ricky Runn wasn't actually at the Q&A. Which left another question, where in the world was Ricky Runn?
Ricky Runn was in his luxury apartment in Chicago, Illinois. He was passed out with another figure under the sheets. Ricky was snoring loudly until his phone started to ring loudly. Ricky groaned and began fumbling around the bed till he could find the source of the ringing. Answering it, he pressed the phone against his face while looking all majestic and shit.
Ricky:Ugh, who is it I'm busy getting my Z's on here, yo.
On the other side of the line was Hollywood Jameson, his face covered in honey mustard sauce and with a soda in his other hand.
Jameson:Where are you, boss? The interview starts in 10 minutes!
Ricky takes a minute to look for a watch to find the time. Then remembering the girl he was with had a watch. Lifting the sheet up just a peek to see the time Ricky groaned and fell back onto the bed.
Ricky:I don't think I will make it Fattywood Jameson.
Hollywood Jameson gasped with a exasperated look on his face. Almost squealing like a woman when a mouse sneaks right through their legs.
Jameson:But Ricky, the fans are expecting you. Not the Swag Pack!
Ricky:Does it look like I care?
Jameson:Ummmm, maybeeee?
Ricky:Spoiler alert; I don't care. You guys got this in the bag. It may sound like I'm hanging up on you but--
Ricky then hung up the phone and tossing it back onto the nightstand. He turned his attention back to the woman that was under the covers.
???:You know Banks isn't going to like the idea that you are no-showing WZCW sponsored events.
Ricky:Bitch don't kill my vibe.
With the Swagtastic voice of a generation getting hot and heavy with the mysterious and unidentifiable woman that definitely nobody ever could ever guess because Ricky had his keeping secret game strong. Meanwhile, in Miami, Jameson approached the Swag pack who was waiting behind the curtain of a small stage.
Jameson:Um, Ricky is not here.
Joe Mason, who was perhaps the most anxious one of the group fired back.
Joe Mason:Of course he's not here!
Jameson:I mean he's not here here. Like, he is in his apartment in Chicago...
The rest of the swag pack look shocked and astounded. It wasn't until Hollywood Jameson saw their reactions did he finally understand what was truly happening and panicked himself.
Jameson:This is bad, isn't it?
The rest of the pack nodded their heads in unison.
Jameson:What are we going to do? I mean if Ricky no-shows this I could miss out on the all you can eat buffets in the WZCW backstage. I want those buffets.
Donny J:I have an idea!
Joe Mason:What?[/b]
Donny J:This is Florida right? So why don't we just shoot at the crowd, and claim we were standing our ground?
The group has a collective sigh.
Donny J:What, was that not a good idea? I mean, I got all sorts of guns and stuff, y'all. I buy them every year before that Hussein Obama can try and take my guns!
Joe Mason:Why did you have to stress Obama's middle name?
Donny J:You know damn well Obama is a Terrorist, Marxist, Communist, monster!
While Joe Mason and Donny J began to bicker about the legal status of our United States President, Hollywood Jameson became distracted with bright lights and music he began to walk away from the group and before he knew it he was on stage with the announcer chanting.
Announcer: And introducing first, the Swag Pack!
Jameson looked dumbfounded at the crowd cheering loudly for the fat lard that was out on the brightlights. Jameson did a little bow, before waving for Donny J and Joe Mason to join him. Jameson grabbed the mic with his free hand and said happily.
Jameson:Well hi guys, I'm Hollywood Jameson, AKA Slim J, Aka, Holly hollywood, aka the hamburgler.
Jameson than moved the mic over to Joe who said into the mic.
Joe Mason:Hi, I'm Joe Mason. And I'm the most politically correct man on the planet.
Donny J:And I'm.... for the sake of the IRS not targeting me because I'm a proud member of the Tea Party, my name is Rusty Shackleford.
Joe Mason and Hollywood looked over confused but shrug it off.
Joe Mason:Unfortunately, Ricky Runn was feeling a little under the weather, and he couldn't make it, but we are here in his honor to release his big announcement and even answer a few questions!
The crowd began to boo, but the Swag pack who have been used to the center of hatred ignore it.
Donny J:Ricky Runn is the greatest man to ever live, so much so it needs to be known throughout more than just T.V. You see, Ricky Runn is going to be the star in his very own movie about himself that is being directed by none other than Michael Bay!
Joe Mason:Unlike certain WZCW superstars, namely Titus. Ricky is far and away one of the most honest talents in history. He would never tell a lie and in his movie he wants to provide a tell all tale about his life and his adventures. You see, unlike Titus who wants to make you think he was anything other than some wrestling has-been. This movie is like Passion of the Christ if Jesus Christ was replaced with Ricky Runn, and if Ricky Runn was Jesus Christ.
Jameson:The movie is going to be in 3-D and has CGI, and explosions! It is going to usher in a new era of cinematic entertainment. The 90's had Schindler's List, 2014 is gonna have Ricky Runn: Swag Jesus. This film is going to have the same effect on the world as Ricky has done in Wrestling. The Showtimes, Titus, and Constantine? They are old news, they're nobodies. Compared to Ricky Runn, they're no better than Jonathan Hyada or Haven. Especially Constantine, what has he done while Ricky has soaked up the limelight? I'll give you a hint. Nutin'.
Donny J:Boy let me tell you something about that Constantine feller. You can't trust big government types like him. Sureeeeee he isn't a governor or mayor or whatever but you know he is still friends with the NSA and he's slowly trying to creep on ruling the world I tell you what. But I also tell you somedin', Ricky Runn is the future of America. He got that swag thing burning in his loins and he is a man of the people. Look out big government Constantine. Ricky Runn's comin' for yeah!
Suddenly, the stage was unable to handle the massive girth that was Jameson's fat ass and the stage collapsed causing the Swag Pack to be caught under a stage that began to implode. The only thing you can hear is Donny J screaming.
Donny J:Thaankkkkkkkssssssssss Obamaaaaaaaaaa!
Without getting too far carried away with the greatness that is Ricky Runn, the Swagtastic voice of a generation, Ricky had a special event planned at South Beach, where he was going to do a live Q&A interview with the youth of the world. An announcement that would blow the minds of millions and billions of people once they heard it. It was truly Earth shattering and ground moving. Only problem? Ricky Runn wasn't actually at the Q&A. Which left another question, where in the world was Ricky Runn?
Ricky Runn was in his luxury apartment in Chicago, Illinois. He was passed out with another figure under the sheets. Ricky was snoring loudly until his phone started to ring loudly. Ricky groaned and began fumbling around the bed till he could find the source of the ringing. Answering it, he pressed the phone against his face while looking all majestic and shit.
Ricky:Ugh, who is it I'm busy getting my Z's on here, yo.
On the other side of the line was Hollywood Jameson, his face covered in honey mustard sauce and with a soda in his other hand.
Jameson:Where are you, boss? The interview starts in 10 minutes!
Ricky takes a minute to look for a watch to find the time. Then remembering the girl he was with had a watch. Lifting the sheet up just a peek to see the time Ricky groaned and fell back onto the bed.
Ricky:I don't think I will make it Fattywood Jameson.
Hollywood Jameson gasped with a exasperated look on his face. Almost squealing like a woman when a mouse sneaks right through their legs.
Jameson:But Ricky, the fans are expecting you. Not the Swag Pack!
Ricky:Does it look like I care?
Jameson:Ummmm, maybeeee?
Ricky:Spoiler alert; I don't care. You guys got this in the bag. It may sound like I'm hanging up on you but--
Ricky then hung up the phone and tossing it back onto the nightstand. He turned his attention back to the woman that was under the covers.
???:You know Banks isn't going to like the idea that you are no-showing WZCW sponsored events.
Ricky:Bitch don't kill my vibe.
With the Swagtastic voice of a generation getting hot and heavy with the mysterious and unidentifiable woman that definitely nobody ever could ever guess because Ricky had his keeping secret game strong. Meanwhile, in Miami, Jameson approached the Swag pack who was waiting behind the curtain of a small stage.
Jameson:Um, Ricky is not here.
Joe Mason, who was perhaps the most anxious one of the group fired back.
Joe Mason:Of course he's not here!
Jameson:I mean he's not here here. Like, he is in his apartment in Chicago...
The rest of the swag pack look shocked and astounded. It wasn't until Hollywood Jameson saw their reactions did he finally understand what was truly happening and panicked himself.
Jameson:This is bad, isn't it?
The rest of the pack nodded their heads in unison.
Jameson:What are we going to do? I mean if Ricky no-shows this I could miss out on the all you can eat buffets in the WZCW backstage. I want those buffets.
Donny J:I have an idea!
Joe Mason:What?[/b]
Donny J:This is Florida right? So why don't we just shoot at the crowd, and claim we were standing our ground?
The group has a collective sigh.
Donny J:What, was that not a good idea? I mean, I got all sorts of guns and stuff, y'all. I buy them every year before that Hussein Obama can try and take my guns!
Joe Mason:Why did you have to stress Obama's middle name?
Donny J:You know damn well Obama is a Terrorist, Marxist, Communist, monster!
While Joe Mason and Donny J began to bicker about the legal status of our United States President, Hollywood Jameson became distracted with bright lights and music he began to walk away from the group and before he knew it he was on stage with the announcer chanting.
Announcer: And introducing first, the Swag Pack!
Jameson looked dumbfounded at the crowd cheering loudly for the fat lard that was out on the brightlights. Jameson did a little bow, before waving for Donny J and Joe Mason to join him. Jameson grabbed the mic with his free hand and said happily.
Jameson:Well hi guys, I'm Hollywood Jameson, AKA Slim J, Aka, Holly hollywood, aka the hamburgler.
Jameson than moved the mic over to Joe who said into the mic.
Joe Mason:Hi, I'm Joe Mason. And I'm the most politically correct man on the planet.
Donny J:And I'm.... for the sake of the IRS not targeting me because I'm a proud member of the Tea Party, my name is Rusty Shackleford.
Joe Mason and Hollywood looked over confused but shrug it off.
Joe Mason:Unfortunately, Ricky Runn was feeling a little under the weather, and he couldn't make it, but we are here in his honor to release his big announcement and even answer a few questions!
The crowd began to boo, but the Swag pack who have been used to the center of hatred ignore it.
Donny J:Ricky Runn is the greatest man to ever live, so much so it needs to be known throughout more than just T.V. You see, Ricky Runn is going to be the star in his very own movie about himself that is being directed by none other than Michael Bay!
Joe Mason:Unlike certain WZCW superstars, namely Titus. Ricky is far and away one of the most honest talents in history. He would never tell a lie and in his movie he wants to provide a tell all tale about his life and his adventures. You see, unlike Titus who wants to make you think he was anything other than some wrestling has-been. This movie is like Passion of the Christ if Jesus Christ was replaced with Ricky Runn, and if Ricky Runn was Jesus Christ.
Jameson:The movie is going to be in 3-D and has CGI, and explosions! It is going to usher in a new era of cinematic entertainment. The 90's had Schindler's List, 2014 is gonna have Ricky Runn: Swag Jesus. This film is going to have the same effect on the world as Ricky has done in Wrestling. The Showtimes, Titus, and Constantine? They are old news, they're nobodies. Compared to Ricky Runn, they're no better than Jonathan Hyada or Haven. Especially Constantine, what has he done while Ricky has soaked up the limelight? I'll give you a hint. Nutin'.
Donny J:Boy let me tell you something about that Constantine feller. You can't trust big government types like him. Sureeeeee he isn't a governor or mayor or whatever but you know he is still friends with the NSA and he's slowly trying to creep on ruling the world I tell you what. But I also tell you somedin', Ricky Runn is the future of America. He got that swag thing burning in his loins and he is a man of the people. Look out big government Constantine. Ricky Runn's comin' for yeah!
Suddenly, the stage was unable to handle the massive girth that was Jameson's fat ass and the stage collapsed causing the Swag Pack to be caught under a stage that began to implode. The only thing you can hear is Donny J screaming.
Donny J:Thaankkkkkkkssssssssss Obamaaaaaaaaaa!
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