Saboteur is in the back seat of a cargo helicopter with Alvin, legs dangling over the earth thousands of feet below him as the chopper flies over the snowy tundra of Canada. With the side doors open the temperature in the helicopter is quite cool, but Saboteur doesnt mind: it keeps him alert
focused. And Saboteur needs to be focused, for hes waiting for a signal that could come at any moment from the ground below him.
Alvin is clutching to the handles on the ceiling of the helicopter for dear life. Hes in no danger of falling hes standing with his feet planted firmly in the middle of the helicopters floor but true to his nature hes very nervous. He knows Saboteur is wrapped up with some very dangerous people, and he regrets ever getting into this mess.
Alvin: How did I ever get into this mess?
Saboteur provides an answer without turning to look at Alvin, as he cant risk missing the signal.
Saboteur: Bateman made you come to make sure I didnt take the copter to Vegas.
Alvin: He doesnt much trust you after you took one of the WZCW 18-wheelers to go to Disney World.
Saboteur: I wanted to rescue all the kids in the Small World ride and I needed somewhere to put them!
Alvin: Theyre robots.
Saboteur: Yeah, but theyre kid robots. That has to be against some sort of child labor laws. Besides, that was different. That was for pleasure. This is business.
Alvin: You do seem pretty intent on completing this mission. Are you sure were in the right place, though?
Saboteur is annoyed by Alvins insolence.
Saboteur: Of course Im sure! The informant specifically said theyd launch the signal in this area.
Alvin: I know
but weve been circling the same spot for the past ten minutes
and its getting close to 9:15, and you said wed see the signal exactly at 9.
Saboteur is fed up with Alvins questions, and finally stands up to confront his nebbish companion.
Saboteur: Oh, Im sorry Alvin, I didnt realize you were an expert on running extraction missions! I thought for sure I was the one that served in militaries and militias on 6 different continents, but I must have confused myself with you.
As Saboteur berates Alvin, a red signal flare flies through the sky behind him.
Alvin: Um, Saboteur
Saboteur: Dont interrupt me you ignorant shrimp! Ive been on missions like these a hundred times before, dont you think I know what Im doing by now?! And lets not forget, Im the one in charge, youre just my side kick.
Another signal is launched behind Saboteur, but this time, it comes with a loud bang as a firework explodes behind him, shaking the chopper ever so slightly.
Alvin: Saboteur
Saboteur: And furthermore, Im already stressed out enough! If everything doesnt go according to plan, we could all die. Do you want that? Do you want everyone to die? Because if thats the case, by all means keep bothering me about whatever garbage pops into your head, because at the very least I could throw you out of the helicopter and YOU can die!
A third signal explodes behind Saboteur, another firework, this time exploding into a message.
Alvin: Saboteur! The signal!
Saboteur stops his rant and looks over his shoulder.
Down Here, Idiot! the signal reads.
Saboteur: Oh! Right!
And then his voice drops to a more serious tone.
Saboteur: Its time for some fools to die.
Saboteur jumps out of the plane and begins plummeting to earth. The ground grows closer and closer as he descends, and he needs to wait for the exact moment to pull his parachute chord. Too soon and he makes himself an easy target for whatever surveillance may be waiting for him on the ground; too late and hell surely crash into the ground and suffer devastating injuries, if not death. His hand clutches the chord, waiting for the precise moment as his mind wanders back in time.
-----Two Days Ago----
Saboteur sits in a dark room on a wooden chair, staring intently at something off camera.
Saboteur: Weve been at this for days now. Im pretty impressed that youve lasted this far. You must be getting hungry.
There is no response.
Saboteur: No? Well, some men can get by on just water, however dirty it may be. What Im really surprised is youve been able to survive the torture. You have much more willpower than I expected. It looks like its about time we get started again.
Saboteur looks down at his wrist. Hes not wearing a watch. He looks back up and smirks at the men.
Saboteur: You seem nervous? What? Are you finally growing weary of this? Well
until you tell me what I want to hear, I really have no choice but to continue. Are you ready?
Saboteur pulls out some sort of remote control device and hits a button. A few seconds pass before a familiar piano piece is blasting from the loud speakers.
Speakers: JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRL
LIVIN IN A LONELY WORLD
SHE TOOK THE MIDNIGHT TRAIN GOIN ANYWHERE!
Voice: ARGGGGH! I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!
Voice 2: Once was fine! Its a catchy song. Even the second time wasnt so bad! But then you played it again and again and again
ITS SO TACKY AND UNINSPIRED! MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!
The camera spins around to reveal its Keith and Shelton, bound to a pipe in a dark room, struggling to escape. Saboteur turns the music down slightly so he can communicate with his prisoners.
Saboteur: You know how to make it stop! Tell me where Garrett is!
Keith: We dont know! All we did was kidnap him and hand him off to someone else! We were just the middlemen!
Saboteur quickly turns the sound back up.
Speaker: STRANGERS. WAITING. UP AND DOWN THE BOULEVARD!
Shelton quickly interjects.
Shelton: The car had Canadian license plates! Theyre taking him to Canada!
Saboteur: Canada, eh? Canadas a pretty big place. Im going to need you to be a little more specific. I would hate to have to change the song to RUSH!
Keith: NO! Please not Rush! Theyre going to Medicine Hat! An area just north of it called Old Channel Lake!
Saboteur: Excellent, thats all I needed to know.
Keith and Shelton exchange a look of relief. It seems they may be free from the tyrannous reign Journey has been holding over their eardrums for the better part of the past 60 hours.
Speaker: DONT STOP! BELIEVIN! HOLD ONTO THAT FEEEEEEELIN!
Keith and Shelton shriek in pain. Sheltons ears literally start bleeding.
Keith: Why!? We told you where he is!
Saboteur yells over the music.
Saboteur: I want to know who!
Keith: We dont know!
Saboteur cranks the music up even louder and screams at the top of his lungs.
Saboteur: WHO?
Keith is crying.
Keith: I dont know! He didnt give us his name, but I think I heard one of his men say it. It started with
I think it started with an H. Ha
Haba
Haba something!
Saboteur shuts the music off suddenly. The captives breath deep breaths of relief as Saboteur turns around to have a private moment.
Saboteur: Haba
it cant be
Saboteur whips his head around and addresses the hostages.
Saboteur: Thats all I needed to know. Thank you.
Keith: So
were free to go? We can just go back to life as usual now?
Saboteur: Not quite.
The camera cuts to two men wearing lucha masks being tossed out of the back of a van. They pick themselves up off the ground and dust themselves off.
Shelton: Where do you suppose we are, Keith?
Keith: Well, it looks like were in the Pine Barrens. Why do you suppose Saboteur dumped us here? Poetic justice?
Shelton: Its no biggie, we know how to get to the highway from here. Come on lets go.
Shelton turns to look at Keith, but finds that his partner has suddenly vanished. Cautiously he whimpers.
Shelton:
Keith?
Suddenly a large beast swoops down from the tree tops and grabs Shelton in its claws. It has the head of a horse, face of a dog, hooves of a deer, wings, claws, and a thin long tail. It flies back into the air, clutching its two victims in its claws.
Kravinoff suddenly appears running through the woods with a spear, screaming a primal yell as he chases the New Jersey Devil.
-----Present Day-----
Saboteur hits the snow covered Canadian ground and a puff of fresh white powder flies up in the air, leaving Saboteur surrounded by a thick white cloud. As the snow settles back down to the earth, Saboteur sees the contact waiting for him.
Well well well, look who decided to finally drop in.
Saboteur looks at the contact carefully.
Saboteur: Arent you a little cold?
The camera spins to reveal Action Saxton, clothed only in a pair of boots, track pants, and a sleeveless shirt.
Saxton: Sucka please! When you look this hot, its impossible to be cold!
Saboteur: Well, we better get going, those fireworks are sure to attract our friends.
Saxton: Yeah, I oughta smack you upside the head for makin me use them fireworks! Lethal Lottery is comin up, and I need these hands for throwin some suckas over the top rope! I cant be blowin my fingers off!
Saboteur: Lethal Lottery? Hell, with what were facing tonight, well be lucky to make it back to the Lottery alive.
Saxton is taken aback.
Saxton: Saboteur you seem so
focused
like a Shaolin Monk. I dont know if thats a good color on you.
Saboteur ignores Saxton and gathers his bearings.
Saboteur: If Im correct, I think the kidnappers secret base is that way.
Saboteur points to the right and he and Saxton set off in that direction. There is little on the frozen tundra of Canada just a few shrubs that have managed to grow against all odds but the darkness has quickly fallen over the Great White North, and Saboteur and Saxton only have the moon and stars to guide them. They walk about 50 feet before Saxton stops Saboteur.
Saxton: Did you hear that?
Saboteur: Hear what?
There is a distinct sound of heavy footsteps.
Saboteur whispers to Saxton...
Saboteur: I think weve been spotted.
Saxton: Im ready to rumble mo-sucka
Saboteur and Saxton quickly turn around, Saboteur wielding his death-dealing katana, Saxton wielding his equally dangerous fists. However, they are shocked to see that they are still all by themselves.
Saxton: Hmm, musta been the wind.
Saboteur: Im suddenly getting that feeling that I get when someone is standing dangerously close behind me without me noticing
Saboteur and Saxton slowly turn around to see a grizzly bear standing on its hind-legs. The beast towers over them at 7 feet tall. He opens his mouth to let out a beastly roar as Saxton and Saboteur cower in fear.
Bear: OH HI GUYS! Im so happy you came to visit my home!
Saxton and Saboteur slowly ease up before exchanging looks of bewilderment.
Bear: Oh, you guys dont speak English? Parlez vous francais?
Saxton is the first to break the ice.
Saxton: Nah
we American. We speak English
Saboteur: Were just surprised to see that you do.
The bear shouts all of its words quickly in a monotone, but excited voice.
Bear: Oh sure I speak lots of English! I learned from watching wrestling on the TV box in the home of the family I mauled. Say you guys look awful familiar, do you wrestle on the TV box?
Saboteur: Uh
yeah. Im Saboteur and this is Action Saxton.
The bear throws his arms around the pair of heroes and squeezes them tight.
Bear: Oh boy! I get to meet two real American heroes! Im so happy I could kill a deer!
Saboteur is trapped in the bears strong arms, but the powerful Action Saxton manages to pull away.
Saxton: Look, I hate to turn down a fan, but were on a mission. We gots to find some bad ass mothas that kidnapped my partners roommate.
The bear lets go of Saboteur, who woozily catches his breath.
Bear: Oh! The Canadian Ninja Kidnapping Soceity! I know where they hang out!
Saboteur snaps out of his oxygen deprived stupor.
Saboteur: Wait
you know where they are? You know who they are?
Bear: Oh yeah sure, I pick through their garbage all the time. They sure throw out a lot of bacon.
Saboteur: Well
can you take us there?
Bear: Yeah sure, but my friends and I already ate their trash this morning, there probably wont be any left for you. They live over that way.
The bear points in the opposite direction of where Saboteur and Saxton stand.
Bear: Lets get going! If we get there soon there might be some garbage left for you to eat!
Saxton and Saboteur start walking off with the bear.
Bear: Hey my name is Henry by the way!
Saboteur:
Henry?
Bear: Yeah, its a family name.
-----Yesterday-----
Bateman: Are you sure about this Saboteur?
Saboteur: I wouldnt be here if I wasnt sure, Bateman.
Saboteur is leaning against the wall in Batemans office as the GM of Ascension leans on his desk writing down some figures on a notepad.
Bateman: I still dont see why you were so resistant to accept my help, Saboteur. I hope you know I see you as a tremendous asset in our war against Ty Burna and his Apostles.
Bateman signs a check and hands it to Saboteur. Saboteur quickly and angrily snatches it out of his hand.
Saboteur: An asset? Im not a share of a stock you can sell off when you need a cash infusion, Bateman. And I hope you know that this is just a simple business transaction. Once I have Garrett back, you and I are done.
Saboteur turns to walk out of Batemans office, but before he can get to the door Bateman runs over and blocks the exit.
Bateman: Not so fast Saboteur. Im helping you out in a major way here, and Im not a man that just hands out money for charity all willy nilly.
Saboteur sarcastically replies
Saboteur: Youre a real humanitarian, huh?
Bateman ignores Saboteur.
Bateman: So when I call on you to return the favor, you will do as I say.
Saboteur shoulders his way through Bateman and opens the door.
Saboteur: Dont count on it, Vance.
Bateman calls after Saboteur as he walks down the hall.
Bateman: Oh, you will. I can make sure of that, Saboteur. I can make sure of that.
-----Present Day-----
Saboteur and Saxton walk directly behind Henry, who has lead them deeper and deeper into the barren Canadian tundra.
Saxton: We been walkin for miles man, and Action Saxton is getting hungry.
Saboteur: Yeah, are you sure you know where were going Henry?
Henry: Look over there!
Henrys nose points toward the horizon, and a dim light can be seen glowing. Saboteur and Saxton turn to each other and start to run towards it.
Henry: Wait for me!
Henry gallops along after the duo, and before they know it they see the source of the light: a massive compound composed of a guard tower, a massive bunker, and an airplane hangar.
Saxton whispers to the group...
Saxton: It looks pretty heavily guarded. You know Saxton is all abouts makin an entrance, but I think this time it might be cool if we made our way in there like a couple of stealthy mo suckas.
Saboteur: I agree, but I left my Canadian Ninja Kidnapping Society costumes in my other pants, so the Trojan Horse entrance is out.
Saxton: Thats aight, aint no Trojan that can fit me anyway.
Saboteur: I suppose if we hike around the mountains to the back over there, we could sneak in through a valley or maybe find their drainage system and sneak in through the sewers, but we wont get there before sunrise.
Henry: Hey guys! I know a secret entrance to the base! Come with me!
Henry takes off running along the edge of the crevasse, and after exchanging a puzzled look and a shrug, Saboteur and Saxton chase after him. After a 60 second run, the trio finds themselves standing on the edge of a steep slope.
Saxton: So whats the plan Henry?
Henry: We go down!
Saboteur: We go down? That hill is to steep for us to walk down, and it goes right past the guard tower!
Henry: Ill show you how!
And with that, Henry pushes Saboteur down the hill and Saboteur starts rolling down the hill, kicking up all sorts of snow as he goes.
Saxton looks on in horror and then back to Henry.
Saxton: Oh helllllll naw! I aint goin down like that!
Henry stands on his hind legs and starts walking towards Saxton with an eager look on his face. Saxton responds by getting in a fighting stance.
Saxton: Ill have you know, Mr. Bear, Im a three time World Champion Bear Wrestler. Bring it you big brown sucka!
Henry goes back to all fours and looks at Saxton, defeated. He turns around and slowly starts to walk away. Saxton puts down his fists and nods cockily.
Saxton: Yeah, thats what I thought. Smartest move you ever
But before Saxton can finish his sentence, Henry turns around and charges Saxton, lunging at him and tackling him down the slope. Henry proceeds to ride Saxton down the slope like a sled.
Saxton: Get your stinkin paws off me you damn, dirty bear!
Saxton and Henry reach the bottom of the mountain and get up.
Saxton: Damn bear, you crazy! Saboteur, remind me never to trust friendly forest critters anymore!
Saboteur?
But there is no answer. Saxton looks around, puzzled, unable to find the whereabouts of his friend.
Henry: Maybe he went to find the garbage. I can smell it from here, and theres definitely some leftover bacon!
Saxton: Shut yo mouth fool! You gonna tip off the guards!
Saboteurs head pops up from the ground as he shakes off some snow.
Saboteur: That
was NOT a good idea.
Henry: Hey, were down here arent we?
Si amigos, you are! But soon, youll be getting down THERE!
Saxton and Saboteur stiffen at the sound of the familiar voice.
Saxton: Speaking Mexican?
Saboteur: Horrible wordplay?
Saxton: A voice more annoying than an Armando Paradyse promo!
Saboteur and Saxton together: Its El Habanero!
Habanero reveals himself from the shadows as he stands high above his prey on the steps of the guard tower.
Habanero: Of COURSE its El Habanero! The most fantastico Mexican ninja of all time! And now I have got you here in my elaborate Canadian trap!
Saxton: So it was you who kidnapped Garrett! I shoulda known!
Saboteur: No
hes just a player in this scheme. Habanero isnt smart enough to pull of a plan like this.
Habanero: Not smart enough! Ill have you know I scored perfectly on my SATs!
Saboteur: Yeah, on your Mexican SATs.
Habanero: Oooohhh you make me so enfado. Mexican Ninjas! Attack!
From seemingly nowhere, an army of ninjas in brightly colored outfits springs into action, but the group suddenly loses its confidence at the sight of Henry.
Habanero: What are you waiting for? Attack!
One of the ninjas leans over to Habanero and whispers something to him.
Habanero: Whats that? The bear? I dont care if its a bear! I said ATTACK!
The ninjas cautiously surround Saboteur, Saxton, and Henry, weapons drawn. They slowly approach the trio, but every one of the heroes can see the fear in the ninjas eyes. Thats all that they need to launch a counter attack.
Within a blink of the eye Saboteur has his katanas drawn and has used his superior swordsmanship to disarm every single one of the ninjas. From there, Saxton starts delivering powerful punches and chops to his foes, and Henry starts swinging his claws at the ninjas. Within seconds, the entire army of Mexican ninjas lay defeated.
Saxton and Saboteur turn to Habanero.
Saboteur: Its your turn now, HabanZero.
Saxton: Really? Thats the best you could come up with?
Habanero: Youll never take me alive! Youll have to catch me first.
Habanero jumps from the guard tower and hits the ground running towards the bunker. Saboteur and Saxton quickly give chase, but stop when they notice Henry isnt following them.
Saboteur: Henry, arent you coming?
Henry: Nah, Ive had enough excitement for today. Besides, their garbage isnt going to eat itself!
Saboteur: Well, then I guess it was nice meeting you. Thanks for your help.
Saxton: Come on sucka! Hes getting away!
Saboteur snaps back to the issue at hand and takes off after Habanero.
Habanero bursts into the entrance of the bunker, and shuts the large, metal door behind him and seals it with the large deadbolt to prevent his intruders from following him.
Habanero: Phew! Lets see those losers break into the Impenetrable Canadian Fortress of Doom!
No sooner did Habanero utter these words than did Saxton and Saboteur burst through the two windows installed on either side of the door.
Habanero: Damn! Who installs glass windows into an Impenetrable Canadian Fortress of Doom!
Saxton: Get back here El HabaNobody.
Saboteur: Really? You think thats better than El Habanero?
Habanero takes off running again, and again the heroes take off after him.
They dash through the halls of the bunker, trying to lose Saxton and Saboteur as he zig-zags through its halls, but its all for naught as the duo continues to catch up with him.
Habanero: Im almost there! Im almost to the safe room!
Habanero takes a hard left at the end of the hall and disappears behind the wall. Saxton and Saboteur prepare to do the same, but when they turn the corner, all they see is a large, wooden door. On it is a sign that says, Personal Only. Not Masked and/or Black Wrestlers.
Saxton: I gots a good mind to call the good Reverend and march on these suckas asses.
Saboteur: Saxton
Im pretty sure that whatever is behind this door is what Ive been looking for. This could get pretty gruesome, and possibly deadly. You sure you wanna go in there?
Saxton: Hell, I aint Cut and Run Saxton
Im ACTION Saxton.
Saboteur: Alright, on the count of three
1
2
3!
Saboteur and Saxton burst through the door, weapons drawn, ready to fight
but are shocked to find themselves in darkness. The door closes behind them, shutting out what little light there was, leaving them in total blackness.
Suddenly, a dim light flashes on in the distance, and Saboteur can see Garrett tied to a chair. He hears his screams from afar.
Garrett: Saboteur?! Is that you?! Help!
Saboteur sees his best friend in peril and reacts on instinct. He takes of running towards Garrett. But our masked hero runs no more than a few feet before he is suddenly and mysteriously taken down, and he hits the floor hard.
Saxton: What the hell is this bit?
Saxton marches forward to help his companion.
Dont move Americanski!
In a blinding flash of light the room is illuminated. As Saxton and Saboteurs eyes adjust to the light, they see they are surrounded my dozens of AK-47 wielding ninjas dressed in red outfits. Two men move through the crowd: one: the flamboyantly dressed El Habanero; the other is dressed more simply. He has a red ski mask on with a beige colored spandex suit, but with a bear fur cape to compliment the ensemble.
Saboteur: Comrade Habanputzki, I knew it was you.
Habanputzki: Yes Saboteur, it is I, the great Comrade Habanputzki that kidnapped your stupid American roommate and held him hostage here. And look at you, you fell right into my trap! Bless Mother Russia and the Soviet Union!
Comrade Habanputzkis minions give a Soviet Salute in honor of their leaders brilliance.
Saxton: Wait a sec
Comrade Habanputzki? El Habanero? Why are you two working together?
Habanero: Isnt it obvious, stupido? We are cousins! And just as Habanputzki aided me in my plot to blow up the soft shell tortilla factory, it is my turn to aid him in his evil schemes!
Saboteur: But why did you do it, Habanputzki? I thought we were even after what happened in Bosnia
-----22 Years Ago-----
Saboteur: Yo dude, dont order the Kung Pow Chicken. My friend ate that last week and he had the runs for days!
Habanputzki: Thank you comrade! This has saved Mother Russia many rolls of toilet paper!
-----Present Day-----
Saboteur: Who are you working for? Tell me who youre working for Habanputzki!
Habanputzki laughs, and so his men laugh with him.
Habanputzki: You are in no position to be making demands right now Saboteur. All I hate to do is wave my hand, and my men will unload hundred thousand rounds into your thick American skull. But I will tell you who I work for nonetheless. Are you ready?
Saboteur shakes with anxiousness, anger, and excitement. He wants to hear one mans name, if for nothing else, than to justify his frantic behavior the last few months.
Habanputzki: Joseph Stalin.
Saboteur explodes in his response.
Saboteur: Hes been dead for like, 50 years! How are you working for him!
Habanputzki: He came to me in a dream. He said kidnap Saboteurs roommate, and I will reward you by bringing glorious communism back to Russia! It is only a matter of time before the Berlin Wall is rebuilt and the Soviet Block is once again impenetrable. Long live Stalin! Long live Communism!
Habanputzkis men give another Soviet salute.
Saboteur hops to his feet quickly and punches Habanputzki in the nose. The men are taken aback as Habanputzki falls to the ground clutching his face as blood drips between his fingers.
Habanputzki: I bleed red with pride for Mother Russia! Men, make Saboteur do the same.
The Communist Ninjas aim their weapons at Saboteur and Saxton and pull the triggers. Theres no hope for Saboteur and Saxton, this is certainly the end.
They say everything becomes clearer to you right before you die. You can see even the most minute details of the room youre in, you can smell a flower from a mile away, taste what you had for dinner two nights ago, and hear a pin drop. All Saboteur could hear was the sound of 30 clicks.
Saboteur looks around and sees 30 Communist Ninjas looking at their AK-47s, puzzled at what went wrong.
Habanero: I TOLD you those things wouldnt work! They havent been fired since 1952!
Habanputzki: Ignorant capitalist! AK-47 is superior weaponry! Mother Russias guns always work!
Saboteur nods to Saxton, and Saxton has that look in his eye. The duo spring into action. Saboteur unsheathes his katanas and starts swinging them around like a whirlwind. Pieces of AK-47s are flying everywhere, and just as quickly as he whipped out the two swords, he put them away in favor of his hands and feet. He punches the lights out of one Commie Ninja and follows that up by knocking the teeth out of another ones mouth with a powerful roundhouse kick to the face. Another one tries to sneak up on him, but he swings an elbow into the ninjas gut before following that up with an uppercut.
Meanwhile, Action Saxton is showing the Communists how cold American justice works. He picks one ninja up and throws him into a crowd of ninjas before charging them and diving into the pile, where he pulls up two ninjas by the necks and strangles them with one hand each.
Within a matter of minutes, Saxton and Saboteur have finished what can only be described as a McCarthy Wet Dream as 30 communist ninjas lay lifeless across the floor of the room. Habanputzki and Habanero are nowhere to be found.
Habanputzki: You make have defeated my army, but you are about to lose the war nonetheless, Saboteur!
Habanputzki stands next to Garrett with a gun pointed to his temple.
Habanero: Cousin, are you sure about this? Usually I just like to create
you know
comic mischief.
Habanputzki: And that is why you fail! I will make Mother Russia glorious again, it is my destiny! Any last words you would like to say to your friend, Saboteur?
ROAR!
Habanputzki freezes in his spot, terrified at the sound he just heard.
Habanero: What was that?!? Habanputzki! Shoot him!
But Habanputzki doesnt move, hes frozen in fear! And to make matters worse, Henry bursts through the wall, foaming at the mouth.
Henry: There was no bacon! NO BACON MAKES ME ANGRY!
Henry swipes at Habanputzki and knocks the Communist Ninja Leader right on his ass. Saboteur takes the opportunity to run over, grab the gun from Habanputzki, and throw it into the Canadian winter. He then turns around and stomps on Habanputzkis stomach, setting the Russian upright, and follows that with a devastating knee to the face, knocking him out.
Habanero: Well, its about time I get to going then. Adios amigos!
Saxton: Not so fast sucka!
Saxton winds up and delivers a punch to Habanero that sends him flying through the Canadian night sky.
Saxton: Someone grab me a tape measure, I wanna see if I broke my own personal record for Mexican sky punching.
A blaring siren sounds.
Saboteur: I dont think were going to have time, we gotta get Garret untied and get out of here.
Saboteur quickly cuts through the rope that bound Garrett to the chair, and helps lift his friend from the chair.
Saboteur: Garrett! I missed you so much ol buddy ol pal!
Saboteur throws his arms around Garrett embracing him in a hug, which is quite the surprise to Garrett.
Saboteur: Did they hurt you? Did they make you listen to Jounrey? Did they do weird stuff to your butt?
Garrett sees an army of ninjas making their way from the guard tower to the bunker, and decides it would be best to discuss this later.
Garrett: Can we discuss this later? I think we should try to avoid getting in a fight with the gun carrying ninjas.
Saboteur: Hmmm, good point. Autobots! Roll out!
The four men take off running from the bunker and head towards the airplane hangar.
Saxton: Why are we heading towards the hangar?
Saboteur: Maybe theres a jeep there or something that we can hotwire to get out of here!
The men reach the hangar well before the ninjas, but are deflated when all that is there is a small skywriting plane.
Saboteur: Well
I guess were going to have to fight.
Saxton: Suits me just fine. I could take on Canadian Ninjas all day long!
Garrett: Theres like a hundred of them. And they have guns. Real guns, not ones that havent been fired since the 50s.
Saxton: Thats okay, all I gots ta do is flash this trophy winning smile, and them ninjas will be too charmed to do smack.
Garrett: No. They are trained killers. Smile or no, they are going to shoot you.
Saxton: I dont like your tone sucka!
Saboteur: Guys! We really need to come up with a plan here!
Henry: Hey guys, you should hop in before those ninjas get here!
Henry is sitting in the cockpit of the skywriting plane, and has the propellers going, ready to take off.
The remaining trio looks at each other for a brief moment before wildly sprinting for the plane. They all hop into the back seat, and after a brief scramble, manage to squeeze into the tiny chair.
Saboteur: Go Henry! Go!
The plane lurches forward, not used to carrying so much weight, but continues to taxi down the air strip. The ninjas have made their way into the hangar and start to fire their guns at the plane. The heroes duck as the plane continues down the runway.
Saxton: God dammit bear! Lets get in the air!
Henry: Just a few more seconds.
Saboteur flips a switch in the back, leaving a giant trail of cloudy dust behind them.
The ninjas stop chasing after the plane, unable to make it through the thick cloud without coughing and gasping for air.
As the ninjas give up their chase, the plane lifts into the air, and soon the compound is nothing more than a tiny speck on the ground.
Saxton: Hell yeah! Thats what Im talkin bout! We did it!
Henry: I dont really know what happened
but hooray!
Saboteur turns to Garrett to have a private moment.
Saboteur: Garrett
Im sorry you got dragged into this. I didnt think that they would go this far. I thought they just wanted me.
Garrett: I know its not your fault Saboteur, you did everything you could to protect us. But hey, everything worked out okay, right? But what are you going to do about the Leathal Lottery?
Saboteur: The what? Oh yeah! That match on Sunday. Well, I did just defeat a few dozen ninjas, but thats not the point. The point is
I have everything I want right now. Friends, a pet bear, and a great wrestling career. If I win
I win. Ill face whoever at Kingdom Come, but Ive said it before, and Ill say it again: Im not in this for the titles, Im in it to do the right thing, and right now the right thing is getting home safe, and getting well rested so I can put on a show for my fans on Sunday. And I guarantee you, there will be all sorts of madness and mayhem come Sunday.
The camera fades to black as the plane flies off into the distance.