I can recall the feeling being surreal.
Nothing had made me feel this way before. Nothing had made me think in this manner before. For the first time in my life, I felt like I could think for myself, and not be judged by everyone else for my actions, and be forced to think from their perspective; to tell my story from their perspective. From someone else's perspective. No, it was from my perspective. My perspective. And from my perspective, it was like the sun itself reached out from beyond the stars and stroked my face with its warming rays. The clouds rushed to wrap around my body like a blanket. Comforting me. Holding me. In her arms. I couldn't remember the last time I physically felt someone... something willing to risk their all to pull me close, and never let go. I almost wanted to cry, and rain tears across the Earth, but all I could do was reciprocate the warmth by smiling, and wrapping my arms around my cloud; my sun; my reason for looking towards the heavens of a morning...
Aubrey Sloan.
As much as it pains me to say it, being involved in a relationship with Michael, as complicated as it has become with how everyone has used it to get inside his head, Aubrey Sloan was the reason I strive today to become one of the best. She was the sole reason to make the Elite Openweight championship the title it is today, and to make my reign one of the best in recent memory, becoming the longest reigning of all time for that championship. At the implosion of Cerberus at the previous Kingdom Come, I visited Aubrey Sloan to view the "what if" situation. What if I stayed with Aubrey, and what would my life be like if we didn't fight, and I didn't join Cerberus. I sacrificed our friendship for success, and in the end, the relationships I had with Flex Mussel & Ramparte were destroyed in the process. I just wanted to see what would happen... and in the end, Aubrey Sloan gave me the words of encouragement. She gave me the words that filled my very soul, and I put everything I had into becoming a great champion. I did not name my title because I was alone, but because I felt Senshuken was the spiritual presence of Aubrey Sloan. I called the Elite Openweight championship Senshuken not only to feel as if Sloan was always with me, but it gave me the reason to fight.
A reason to fight for someone. What a concept! To me, it sounds so foreign. I have a history of being a lone wolf. Even when I was the Third Head of Cerberus, and we rolled as a wolf pack everywhere, I still considered myself to be the one on her own. So, to feel as if my presence and my fighting is validated by another feels me with a hope and a joy I could never feel. Aubrey Sloan, even for the short time we were together in our career, made me feel things inside my heart, and my head, that nobody else has really ever done. Again, it hurts to admit, because Michael has always been such a great person, and I truly value our relationship... but Aubrey was my first. She was who I thought was the one. We got along so well, so instantly. Everybody thought we were great together, both as a tag team and as friends. She was just so innocent, and so new to this world, that all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and care for her. Yet, it was her who had that affect on me, and it is a feeling I have never really been able to shake, despite that feeling not being reciprocated by Aubrey.
Life is funny like that. You keep telling yourself that something will never happen, or that you're known for something, and out of the blue, your entire stance changes. I was always a lone wolf, and I thrived in being alone, but Aubrey made me change that opinion. Michael reinforced that opinion, and now, Celeste Crimson has reared her head in a different manner. Aubrey made me care about fighting for someone. Michael made me care about continuing to fight for someone. Celeste made me care about fighting someone. I am truly overwhelmed, and as I stand on the summit of this mountain at the monastery of Aubrey Sloan, I am forced to choose. I cannot juggle this any longer. I cannot be with Michael, and have Aubrey in the back of my mind. Nor can I think of Michael when I come to confront Aubrey... And I must choose which path I wish to take: do I pick one of these two companions, or do I abandon them both to pursue the life of success by choosing to take on Celeste, and continue my journey in becoming the greatest wrestler of all time?
Whilst I have prided myself on being a lone wolf, I must confess that success has been the companion that has been for me my entire life. Without success, I wouldn't be here today. I really wouldn't have a reason to fight. I fought for success, just like I fought for Aubrey, but on a much larger scale. Whenever I felt alone, or depressed, or scared, I turned to success, and the pain went away, even if for a moment. I may consider Aubrey my first, and Michael another... but success? It is my true love. So why then do I decide to visit Aubrey at her monastery? Why did I take to Michael, if I had the option of going towards Celeste, and cementing myself as the greatest female in WZCW history? I have everything in my hands to achieve success, and to feel the warmth of success... but why am I drawn here? Damn my clouded thoughts! Now I know why I am hugged by clouds. I am being strangled by them! And the sun, the ray of light... my only hope is to walk towards it... but what lies ahead of me at the end of the tunnel?
The question I posed snapped me back to reality. I was not being hugged or strangled by clouds, nor was I being stroked by the sun. It was Aubrey Sloan greeting me with a hug. I was so entrenched in my own thoughts that this short hug felt like forever. I released my grip on Aubrey Sloan, ending our embrace. She pulled her hair that had blown onto my cheek away from me, fixing up her hair, and quietly apologised to herself, in her signature quaint style. Without saying a word, she looked towards the ground, in the direction of her hut, attempting me to usher me along. I followed her, trying to tread in her footsteps. If I indeed gave up my life of success, and chose Aubrey Sloan, then I would have to learn to live her life. We entered the hut, and it was very simple. Just enough to live for the essentials, but up here, what else would you need? If I chose here, I'd be with Aubrey. I wouldn't need anything else. This felt like a luxury, even if Aubrey and I sat on the floor, sitting in silence for a moment. Something about it felt right, yet... something felt off.
"I can't believe you came back." Aubrey mentioned, breaking the silence.
I couldn't believe it myself. I didn't think I'd be back so soon.
"My brain tried to tell me that you weren't coming back," Aubrey admitted, "because you were always the kind of person to chase success. I kept telling myself to not think about you, and that the only time you visited me would be the last... but, my heart kept preparing for you."
It shocked me to hear her say such words.
"After everything we've been through, I didn't think our relationship could be possible again. This couldn't have worked, I said. It just can't, and yet here you are, and I accepted you with open arms. I feel like this shouldn't be."
I wanted to reach over for her hand, and hold it, but I restrained.
"Why did you come back?" Audrey asked, as bluntly as ever.
I couldn't give her an answer.
"I don't know." I said, finally breaking my silence.
"Then why are you here?"
"I don't know."
Aubrey just blinked, not understanding my repeated words. She looked as if she wanted a proper answer.
"Please don't tell me this is a repeat of last time." She asked. "I can't handle a repeat of last time."
She looked towards the ground in sadness, trying not to remember. The look on her face made me pop up from my position on the ground, and sit close next to her. I sat side-by-side with her, looking at the ground, too. She leaned her head on my shoulder, and I lifted my hand to her head, caressing her hair. I even planted a kiss on her head. I wished it was her lips. It felt right to do, but...
We sat there for a short moment, unable to really tell each other it wasn't going to be the same as last. As much as I'd love the silence, and to sit here forever, I had to say something.
"Kingdom Come is coming up. I have a match against Celeste Crimson." I said. "I initiated the challenge because I wanted to prove myself as the greatest female wrestler of all time. I told Vance Bateman that if I lose, I would refuse to sign a new contract, and leave after Kingdom Come. I lost the Elite Openweight title. I lost the Lethal Lottery. And I feel I lost the respect of my peers. If I couldn't beat Celeste, and be the best female, then what point is there for me to continue."
I took a deep breath, laying it all out there for Aubrey to process. No holding any punches; just one big blurted mess of words without easing Aubrey into the situation. I didn't want to be dishonest to her any more. I owed her that, at least. Slowly, she lifted her head away from my shoulder, and I dropped my arm. She looked directly at me.
"So it is a repeat?" Aubrey said, both in disbelief and confirming her suspicions. "You haven't finished your quest in becoming the best, have you?"
I shook my head.
"Did you not remember what I said to you last time we did this, Eve? I told you to leave, and not come back, until you wanted to give this a real shot. We could not give this a real shot until you were done with your success."
"If I lose..."
"If you lose?" Aubrey interrupted. "Eve, this is your big opportunity to prove yourself. You're not going to squander this. You're going to try your hardest, and if what I've heard through what little grapevine I have, with your accolades, you can best Celeste Crimson. You won't throw away the opportunity to win. So tell me, why did you come up here? Am I your back-up plan? If you happen to embarrass yourself, you're going to forget about the world and live a life with me, aren't you?"
I hated hearing every word of what Aubrey said, but I knew it was true.
"Jesus, Eve! You know how long it took me to get over our friendship breaking the first time, and the first time you came up here on a surprise? You know how long I've had my head trying to find out what I wanted to do? I'm still figuring it out, but I'm willing to wing it and give us a real shot... even though I'm not into girls. I'm willing to be your life companion, and yet you toy with me?"
"I'm not doing this for my own satisfaction-"
"Then what is it, then? Is it because you're the spoiled little brat who wants everything to be hers? Well, it doesn't work like that. Sometimes you have to make the difficult choice. I did, what about you?"
Once more, I could not contain my emotions.
"Spoiled little brat?" I queried. "I am anything but, Aubrey. I was never treated like a special little princess when I was a child. I didn't grow up in a wealthy, loving family, that threw money at anything I wanted to do. I had to earn everything I got today, at the expense of my own damn family. I made the difficult decision to leave my family to try and forge my own path, and take care of them... and all I got was a restraining order. As far as my family is concerned, their youngest daughter Eva died a long time ago."
"And that's supposed to warm my heart? At least you had a family! I never knew my parents, and the only people I've ever met is the monks here. My short excursion to WZCW was the only time I've ever been able to live. You want to trade sob stories?"
I had awoken something inside of Aubrey, but she had awoken something in me. A clearer path to my answers.
"These monks adore you. My family hates me. You have people to protect you. I had to protect myself. The only thing I ever had to hold onto was success, so excuse me if it's a little hard for me to let go of it, especially when I've got someone like Celeste Crimson in my sights. This is the one thing I've been waiting for ever since I joined WZCW. This is the dream opponent that has kept me awake at night, wondering if I was ever ready to take on someone who I thought was a legend, even when the world did not. I never started with a passion for wrestling, but the success I attained and the love from the audience gave me enough to continue going, and becoming obsessed with this industry made me fall in love with Celeste and her career even more. Every day, I woke up with the intention of becoming the best female, and every day my thoughts were clouded with Celeste Crimson in my way, preventing me from travelling to the heights I could only dream of... and now, I've finally got that opportunity. I have asked. I have begged. I have pleaded. I have demanded to face Celeste Crimson, and my dreams have become a reality, so I apologise if the very thing I've wanted is coming to fruition. I want to be with you Aubrey, I truly do, but I can't ignore Celeste Crimson standing across the ring from me, fighting her in a great match, and slaying the ravishing Russian."
Angered, Aubrey got up on her feet.
"Sounds like you've made up your mind. And it looks like I've made up mine."
She stood by the entrance of her hut, signalling me to leave.
"Leave. Leave, and never come back."
Emotional, I got up from my seated position, walked up to Aubrey, grabbed her by the shoulders, and finally kissed her on the lips. It was the one thing I wanted to do in my entire life, and when I finally did it, it did not last for the eternity that I dreamed. It was but a mere few seconds, and it all ended without any fanfare.
"I loved you, Aubrey. I fell in love with you since I met you, but we can't love each other. You are not my light. You are not my ray of sunshine. You are not the reason I fight."
I stepped back from her, and looked her directly in the eye.
"Goodbye forever, Aubrey Sloan."
With that, I stepped outside of the hut, and kept on walking. I did not turn back to look at her reaction. I did not want to turn back. I had no desire. I even used the sleeve of my shirt to wipe away the taste off my lips, because it was not her I wanted any more. I decided to pursue success, because it is what I wanted. I still had the taste of success, and I was willing to give up the person I loved the most to pursue it.
Coming up here in the first place now confused me. It was baffling that I had chosen to make this trek, when I could've been training for the most important match of my entire career. I needed all the training I could get, especially against a ring veteran like Celeste. I required studying the tapes. I had to memorise everything inside out, because I had gone after Celeste, and angered her, and we had yet to meet in the middle of the ring. Kingdom Come would be the first time we would meet, and despite being in these situations before, I was worried for what was in store.
However, I knew this was the right path to take. Celeste was the right choice. Another competitor I needed to defeat to continue on my path of success, the only mistress or lover I ever needed in my life. People come and go, and their attitudes change, but success is the only constant. When you win, it was there to greet you with open arms. When you lost, you strive to do so much more to get that embrace... and I did not want to leave that relationship any time soon. I love success too much to give it up. As long as I live, and I breathe, I will do whatever I can to attain it.
Celeste Crimson, you are just another stepping stone on my way to becoming the greatest competitor of all time. You may be the best female to step into the squared circle, and you may be the original female competitor... but I am going to surpass you. My love for success leaves me no other choice than to defeat you. As a loving wife, and a loving mother, you should know exactly what love does to you. You'd be willing to defend anyone who wishes to take your love away from you. Answering my challenge means you've stepped in-between me, and the only thing I love, and I will do anything to defend it. I just told the person I wanted to be my companion I can no longer be in their life. What are you willing to do to stop me from achieving success, and defending my own career?
My head might be all over the place, with my thoughts jumbled and my emotions becoming unstable, but this is what it's like to live a day in the life of Eve Taylor. When someone jumps in to observe the world through my eyes, it may seem complicated at best, but I know exactly how to control it, and I know what I want. I want to one day become a Hall of Fame legend, and cement myself as the first-ever female competitor to become a true legend. I want to be recognised for not only my achievements as a female, but also as a competitor. Celeste is the only person stopping me from taking the next big step, so I must step on you Celeste, and your dreams of making it into the Hall of Fame first. Everything you have achieved, and accomplished, will only serve as a stepping stone for me to grab your mantle, overtake you, and head for new heights of success... and with my love for success, I'm not looking to stop. I might have put my career on the line here, but that's because I am that confident that I will do better than you ever will, Celeste. So bring everything you've got, not because I wish to face the best Celeste Crimson, but because I want to see what you can do to defend yourself when the lone wolf has backed you in the corner. I want to see the fearsome Celeste who had the men quivering in their boots. I want to feel every emotion in your very body to prove me wrong, so that when I do beat you, and I do become the best female competitor ever, I can take your emotions with me on my journey to the top. And when I get there, I can look back to this moment, the point where I truly began my ascent to legendary status... and I can recall... when I beat you... the feelings I had...
... I can recall the feeling being surreal.
