Kermit
the Frog
The following piece is a non-canon roleplay.
The scene begins outside a white picket fence. An impressive, and well decorated, mail box stands in front of the brilliant fence. The text, “Mr. and Mrs. Bateman,” is painted in gold letters on the side of the mail box. The camera proceeds to enter through the front gate and up the cobblestone path towards the massive front door. An autumn colored wreath hangs on the front door. Text appears on the screen, “Kermit Presents: A WZCW Thanksgiving.”
Classical music begins to play as the scene transitions to a shot of Vance Bateman pacing in his den. Mrs. Bateman is standing next to him.
Vance: This is bad, this is bad.
Mrs. Bateman: Now calm down Vanny. I’m sure everything will be alright.
Vance: Alright? Alright!? Do not remember how well the Thanksgiving party went last year at Chuck’s house. How can I possibly beat that?
Mrs. Bateman: Listen, the boys are in the kitchen preparing the meal and superstars are already getting settled in the house. It’ll be fine.
Vance: Speaking of the meal, I’ll be right back.
Vance exits the den and makes his way down a large hallway. He pokes his head into the kitchen area.
Vance: Burna! How is that meal coming along?
Ty Burna pops up from behind the counter in a white chef’s hat and an apron that says, “Kiss the cook.”
Ty: It’s coming along well.
Ty gives off a big fake smile.
Vance: Where are those other two goons?
Chris K.O. and James King pop out from behind the counter. They are both wearing white aprons without a chef’s hat.
Chris & James: Right here sir!
Ty walks over to Vance and puts an arm around his shoulder.
Ty: Vanny, baby, trust me on this one. I promised that I would give you the best Thanksgiving dinner ever! Don’t worry.
Vance looks at Ty’s cheesy smiley nervously and then finally responds.
Vance: Alright Ty…
Vance sighs and exits the room. Ty smiles wide and waves him down the hall until he is out of sight. He turns around and his smile fades into a huge look of panic.
Ty: Oh man, oh man, what are we going to do?
Chris: Why did you even agree to this in the first place? We don’t know how to cook.
Ty: I thought it would give me a better chance at regaining the World Heavyweight Title.
James King face palms as Chris pulls out a pot and looks inside of it. He scrunches up his face after smelling the inside.
Ty: Alright.. Alright. Everyone keep it together. Grandma Burna taught me some tricks about preparing a turkey.
Chris and James look at him in an impressive way. They wait for him to begin pulling out spices and utensils, but are shocked by what happens next. Ty whips out his Ouija scroll and slams it on the counter.
Ty: OH GREAT OUIJA SCROLL! SHOW ME HOW TO MAKE A TURKEY!
The Ouija points to a cabinet nearby.
Ty: Eureka!
He rushes over to the cabinet and opens it up. Only a phone book occupies the cabinet. Ty pulls it out and sighs.
Ty: No Ouija board… I don’t want to call anyone..
Ty flings the phonebook onto the counter and it opens up. Chris and James look at the open book and notice that it has opened to a section for catering companies. They grab Ty and show him the opened book. They all share radiant smiles as light begins to beam from the phone book and a euphoric sound can be heard.
The scene transitions back to Vance and Mrs. Bateman in the den.
Vance: I don’t even know if everyone will even come.
Mrs. Bateman: Hunny, most of them have already arrived.
Vance: Dear, those are only the lower-card superstars.
The scene transitions to a shot of Johnny Scumm, Armando Paradyse, S.H.I.T., Jack Skinner, The Internet Warrior, and Sean Cruz sitting in the living room of the house. They are watching a football game when Mrs. Bateman enters the living room area with a plate of cookies.
Mrs. Bateman: Here you go boys; I made you all replica Mayhem Championship shaped cookies. Enjoy!
Mrs. Bateman exits and a silence hits the room. Glares begin to be exchanged and epic music begins to play in the background.
[Slow Motion]Jack Skinner jumps up from his seat and goes for the plate of cookies. Armando Paradyse dives out of no where and tackles Scumm. Armando then turns to the cookies, but is met with a jab to the throat by The Internet Warrior. Spit flies out of Armando’s mouth as he falls to the ground. TIW reaches for a cookie, but is met with spine buster into a nearby coffee table by Jack Skinner. S.H.I.T. jumps out of his seat and steps on the table to go after Skinner. In this process, he crushes all of the cookies, except for one. S.H.I.T. kicks Skinner through the wall and then walks over to the cookies. He grabs one and realizes that he can’t eat it, so he drops it on the floor. Sean Cruz sees this and makes an epic dive towards the cookie as it falls to the floor. He gets there just in time and catches the cookie.
He jumps up, holding the cookie with two hands, and celebrates his victory.[/Slow motion]
Alex Bowen walks in at the same time and stands next to Sean Cruz. Vance walks up right behind them and addresses Alex.
Vance: Alex! So good to see you, here have a cookie!
Vance grabs the Mayhem Championship shaped cookie out of Sean Cruz’s hand, just as he was putting into his mouth, and hands it to Alex. Alex takes the cookie and devours it.
Alex: Thanks Vance.
Sean Cruz's eyes begin to water as we cut back into slow motion for a short moment. He drops to his knees and screams an inaudible scream.
The scene transitions back to Vance and Mrs. Bateman in the den.
Vance: I’m telling you. The only way we will know for sure if this party is better than Chuck’s is if Big Dave shows up.
*Ding Dong*
Vance: Maybe that’s him!
Vance smiles widely at his wife and then makes a dash for the front door. He opens it joyously and it is met with a view of Mick Overlast, Justin Cooper, and Alexander Steele.
Vance: Who the hell are you?
Mick: Hi, we were in the recent contract batt---
Vance slams the door shut and then walks away sadly. He makes his way back into the den.
Mrs. Bateman: Now hunny, there are more people here than just mid-carders. What about those two tag teams that arrived earlier.
The scene transitions to a shot of Mind Over Matter and Runn Reynolds Runn playing horseshoes in the back yard. Ricky Runn has his knees bent as he examines the distance from where he is to the stake he is aiming for. Austin Reynolds gets behind him and speaks softly.
Austin: Okay Ricky, all we need is for you to get closer than their horseshoe in order for us to win the game.
Ricky nods as he licks the sweat off of his own lips. Austin backs away to give him space. Alexander Stark and Hiraku Susumu watch from the sideline as he prepares to throw.
Alexander: You’ll never do it Ricky.
Hiraku: You’ll never be good at horseshoes.
Alexander: Just like you weren’t good enough to beat us at Unscripted for the tag team titles.
Ricky: We almost won.
Hiraku: Ya, well “almost” only counts in grenades and horse---
Hiraku realizes what he said as Ricky takes a step back and flings the horseshoe out of his hand. We are treated to a camera view of the horseshoe flipping in the air. We also get several face shots of Alexander, Hiraku, Austin, and Ricky as they watch the horseshoe. The camera follows the horseshoe all the way until it hits the ground. The camera zooms out and it is revealed that Ricky has missed the stake by at least 50 feet.
Alexander and Hiraku chuckle as they walk away from the game. They begin humming, “We are the champions.”
Ricky: *sigh* Well, do you want to see if Stantime wants to play?
Austin: Uh, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea right now.
The camera pans over to Showtime and Stan Rogers sitting on a bench in the backyard.
Showtime: Listen, I just don’t know if this is working out.
Stan begins to tear up as he looks down at the ground.
Stan: Are you breaking up with me?
Showtime frowns and then swallows his guilt.
Showtime: I just don’t think we are meant for each other. We are two different people. I’m from this era, and you are from another.
Stan begins to sob as Showtime tries to awkwardly comfort him with a pat on the back. Stan sniffles and begins to speak.
Stan: You know what, my father was right about you. You… you… snake!
Stan gets up and sobs as he runs away from the bench. Showtime sighs and sinks his head down.
