ITT, I Tell You Things You Should Never Say To Your Wife

[Cena's Little Helper]

I'm not talking about the givens that every man should already know (e.g., you look fat in that dress). I'm talking about insidious comments that will get you banished to the couch for a few days should your wife decide she wants to discuss and analyze them.

This inaugural comment resulted in my current living room exile:

You will never understand how much I love (insert the name of your favorite sports team; in my case, it's the Redskins), so just drop it.

While this statement is correct in the context of most marriages, its wording is fatally flawed. Allow me to discuss...

Some women love sports, but the majority of them find sports, at best, only mildly entertaining. Furthermore, the latter sort of women are completely perplexed as to how a group of men their husbands don't even personally know could so acutely dictate their emotions. Case in point, my wife has no idea how two men named Robert Griffin III and Alfred Morris could make me scream obscenities at the top of my lungs on a Monday night. She can also not understand why I pace around our living room while I tell an imaginary audience that this is the last fucking time the 'Skins embarrass me and that I'm done with them (as a side note, I am hoping that when I inevitably cave on my proclamation this upcoming Sunday that she doesn't throw it in my face...I don't know how much longer I can take the couch).

So, when all is said and done, it is true that your wife will never understand the love you have with for your favorite sports team(s). Should you tell your wife this, though, NEVER, EVER tell her that she doesn't understand this "love." Always take caution when using the word love with any woman; its implications and connotations are extremely complex when mulled in the female psyche. When I told my wife the aforementioned comment, all she heard was she didn't understand love, and this put her into full fury mode. It was an extremely unpleasant experience, where the obscenities I had released not ten minutes ago were thrown back in my face with a painful velocity. I have learned my lesson and I am now paying for it. Please take my story into consideration when you find yourself both with someone/married and on the verge of a breakdown regarding the piss-poor performance of your team.

 

[Mighty NorCal]

I dont understand how people get banished from anything.


Im not a dog, you dont tell me to go sleep in another room. fuck off. If you dont wanna sleep in the same bed so bad, YOU go set up a fucking fort in the living room. Especially when you didnt do anything wrong.

 

[Барбоса]

Bitch is crazy.

 

[Mustang Sally]

If you dont wanna sleep in the same bed so bad, YOU go set up a fucking fort in the living room.

Women get the bed....men get the couch.

It's in the Bible, Norkie.

 

[Mighty NorCal]

Bitch is crazy.

this too. Getting upset about that context of the word like that shows someone having a tough time with english, and being a bit of unstable.

Especially because its true. She WONT be able to ever understand it, just as YOU will never be able to understand some of the unique things she especially takes to heart. Everyone has things that are special to them that no one else will really be able to understand.

 

[HBK-aholic]

My husband will never understand my love for Shawn Michaels and the Leeds Rhinos.

I can't imagine sending someone to another room for professing love of a sports team. Your wife is crazy.

 

[Mighty NorCal]

Women get the bed....men get the couch.

It's in the Bible, Norkie.

No when YOUR the one who has the problem, for no reason. You dont just get to decide to arbitrarily ban me from some piece of furniture that I own.

I would then ask you if 1. You think I would ever do that to you? 2. If you had a plan devised to physically remove me from said sleeping area. Better think a while on that one.

 

[hatehabsforever]

In all fairness, though, it's not too difficult to understand why she is having trouble comprehending why someone would feel so passionate about the Redskins. They are the Redskins, after all.

Over and above that, point well taken. Some things are difficult for the opposite sex to comprehend. Much like I'm sure you could never understand her love of shoes, or purses, or chick flicks.

 

[Coco]

Pretty sure I've dumped what previous seemed like perfectly good women for outbursts less crazy than this.

I'm a very petty person who doesn't have room for another very petty person in his life. Sorry.

 

[Mustang Sally]

2. If you had a plan devised to physically remove me from said sleeping area. Better think a while on that one.

Physically remove you?

Woooo! Just remember, Mighty Norks, any fight between us ends in a draw.

 

[Dirk]

It's not really relevant, but a friend of mine got told this story at a bar, four or five weeks ago. The girl told him that her boyfriend of about a year said he loved her, but he can't see a future for them. He rather wants to marry her sister.

 

[George Steele's Barber]

I'm not talking about the givens that every man should already know (e.g., you look fat in that dress). I'm talking about insidious comments that will get you banished to the couch for a few days should your wife decide she wants to discuss and analyze them.

This inaugural comment resulted in my current living room exile:

You will never understand how much I love (insert the name of your favorite sports team; in my case, it's the Redskins), so just drop it.

While this statement is correct in the context of most marriages, its wording is fatally flawed. Allow me to discuss...

Some women love sports, but the majority of them find sports, at best, only mildly entertaining. Furthermore, the latter sort of women are completely perplexed as to how a group of men their husbands don't even personally know could so acutely dictate their emotions. Case in point, my wife has no idea how two men named Robert Griffin III and Alfred Morris could make me scream obscenities at the top of my lungs on a Monday night. She can also not understand why I pace around our living room while I tell an imaginary audience that this is the last fucking time the 'Skins embarrass me and that I'm done with them (as a side note, I am hoping that when I inevitably cave on my proclamation this upcoming Sunday that she doesn't throw it in my face...I don't know how much longer I can take the couch).

So, when all is said and done, it is true that your wife will never understand the love you have with for your favorite sports team(s). Should you tell your wife this, though, NEVER, EVER tell her that she doesn't understand this "love." Always take caution when using the word love with any woman; its implications and connotations are extremely complex when mulled in the female psyche. When I told my wife the aforementioned comment, all she heard was she didn't understand love, and this put her into full fury mode. It was an extremely unpleasant experience, where the obscenities I had released not ten minutes ago were thrown back in my face with a painful velocity. I have learned my lesson and I am now paying for it. Please take my story into consideration when you find yourself both with someone/married and on the verge of a breakdown regarding the piss-poor performance of your team.

This is pure speculation but while the sports comment may have created some offense I would argue that the "so just drop it" comment was the trigger to your expulsion. I assume your wife has had encounters with other men who love sports (father, brothers, friends, exes). I can't imagine she didn't know the level of you allegiances prior to this discussion. By saying "so just drop it" your basically telling her to shut up and that her comments have zero value. If this is the case you can understand why your wife went off the way she did. The last person she should expect this from is someone that is supposed to be the person she shares everything with and permanently bonded to her for life.

Again just pure speculation, but let me know if I'm on to something.

 

[Pay Per Ghost]

It's not really relevant, but a friend of mine got told this story at a bar, four or five weeks ago. The girl told him that her boyfriend of about a year said he loved her, but he can't see a future for them. He rather wants to marry her sister.

Great story, must be a writer from Total Divas.

 

[It's...Baylariat!]

Solution:

Marry one who likes at least one of your fave teams.

 

[The Butcher]

What was your wife doing out of the kitchen in the first place?

 

[ocekit]

This inaugural comment resulted in my current living room exile:

You will never understand how much I love (insert the name of your favorite sports team; in my case, it's the Redskins), so just drop it.

Does your wife incessantly hound you about your love of the Redskins? Has she been overly condescending of it? If so, then the problem likely lies with her. However, if she's made efforts to understand and genuinely doesn't get it, despite trying, that's different.

If I were her, I'd be more pissed about the "just drop it" part than anything else you said. If she's willing to put up with your crazy behavior, and gives you space and time to enjoy it and you still rebuffed her in this rude way, then the problem might lie with you. No one likes to be told to shut up. That, and you're basically saying it's not worth your time to even discuss it with her. Those things add to any underlying emotions that might already have been there.

It's also possible that she might not even be truly mad about what you said. Perhaps she's been having other problems in her life and this statement was merely the trigger for an outburst, with you as the unfortunate target. I've had occasions where I was stressed out, kept it inside, and then unleashed a tirade on someone else because of some little thing they did or said.

Furthermore, the latter sort of women are completely perplexed as to how a group of men their husbands don't even personally know could so acutely dictate their emotions. Case in point, my wife has no idea how two men named Robert Griffin III and Alfred Morris could make me scream obscenities at the top of my lungs on a Monday night.

Does she have a show that she's really into (preferably a reality show or a drama)? Perhaps use an analogy comparing it to the spectacle, drama, and competitive nature of the NFL (there's definitely enough of it right now). I'm sure there's some character or event you could find that reminds you of your favorite player or an incident.

If you've tried all this and/or she still gets on your case about it, then I don't know what else to tell you.

 

[Blade]

Both the men and the women are wrong in that case. The woman shouldn't be pissed off because a guy loves a sports team, and the man should understand that he feels about his sports team the way the woman feels about shoes.

 

[Cena's Little Helper]

This is an absolute favorite of mine, but please never say something like this to your wife, as it ended up costing me a very expensive tennis bracelet to get out of the doghouse:

As I've told a few people on here, my wife and I originally eloped in Atlantic City. I was just about to enter law school, and we didn't want to spend money we didn't have on a wedding reception. However, the plan was for us to renew our vows and have a proper wedding once I'd graduated. Using my signing bonus and the money I'd saved from being a summer associate, we had a great vow renewal ceremony and reception this past July. But, the best thing about this was the brief conversation we had about it a few months before it occurred:

Wife: So, are you looking forward to this as much as I am?

Me: Not really.

Wife: And why is that?

Me: Well, for the past five or so years, I've always enjoyed going to the weddings of those ex-girlfriends with whom I had maintained a cordial relationship. I enjoyed going to these weddings because, while the bride walked down the aisle, I'd totally gloat over the fact that I had done some extremely nasty things to the poor groom's wife-to-be. Now that we're about to have a proper ceremony, it's finally starting to dawn on me that there will be several men gloating to themselves and pitying me while your father walks you down the aisle.

Wife: ...

Me: You know what though? I'm not going to stress over it. It's not like I go into a restaurant and think about all the people that have put this very fork into their mouths as well.

 

[George Steele's Barber]

Yeah, you're better off calling her fat.

 

[Pay Per Ghost]

Good grief TDigs whats wrong with you man.

 

[Mighty NorCal]

Uh, yea. Agreed.



Dont say that one.

 

[Miko]

Can't see the problem

 

[Fire Marshall Bill]

I dont understand how people get banished from anything.


Im not a dog, you dont tell me to go sleep in another room. fuck off. If you dont wanna sleep in the same bed so bad, YOU go set up a fucking fort in the living room. Especially when you didnt do anything wrong.

 

[It's...Baylariat!]

And she still married you?

Definitely a keeper.

 

[Coco]

And she still married you?

Definitely a keeper.

Of course the guy from Kentucky would find appeal in a woman who lacks a certain degree of self-respect.