Is Underage Sex As Bad As It Seems?

[Slash-LN]

This is something I brought up after Paul Walker died.

People defended the dude having a relationship with an underage girl saying "Well they stayed together even after she turned 18 so he must have really loved her and he wasn't just a guy looking for underage girls."

I believe that there was a defense made by some people about her parents must have allowed it so it was okay.

My post here at the time wasn't so much just about underage sex as it was forgiving celebrities for things they have done that we would look down on them for while they were alive after they have died.

So I want to know why is it that people say this is such a horrible thing yet people will make an excuse for someone after they have died?

As if suddenly they were no longer wrong for what they did.

I understand the concept of not wanting to criticize the dead and all that but at the same time we shouldn't make excuses for pedophiles after they die.

If you're a pedophile you're a pedophile into your grave and if you think it's wrong when the person is alive then don't make an excuse for them in death.

A friend of mine posted an article about Rowan Blanchard, the actress who plays the lead role on Girl Meets World, talking about her sexuality and the girl is 14 years old. She's in between the ages of some of my nieces and nephews so I'm like "a 14 year old shouldn't be talking about their sexuality" and my friend said something about her being more mature than a lot of 14 year old girls though. To me it's still weird because to me she's a little girl.

In my state you do have situations where say a 16 and 17 year old in high school are dating and they may already have a sexual relationship, if the 17 year old turns 18 and the 16 year old hasn't turned 17 yet and they continue a sexual relationship then the 18 year old can now legally be arrested for that. I was nearly in that situation in high school where I was going to turn 18 that December and she was going to turn 17 in April of the following year, so 4 months, but we broke up in October and didn't have to worry about it luckily.

Had we not broken up though and had her parents caught us then they totally would have had me arrested.

 

[HBK-aholic]

How is this even a discussion? If my sister, who turns 14 in a month, was having sex with a 21 year old I would A) Cut off his penis, and B) Call the police. In that order. 7 years at that age is a HUGE gap. And God I am tired of hearing about how both of them are 'mature' - BULLSHIT.

First of all, if DJ was actually mature, he wouldn't have lied about his age online. There is a huge difference between a 14 and 18 year old in sexual terms, and in law. If DJ were actually mature, he would have recognised that and ensured he didn't unwittingly make someone a peadophile. What he did instead, however, was the epitome of immature. He did what he wanted, with no thought to the moral or legal issues surrounding his lie, and didn't even tell the truth about said lie until he was found out. Protecting solely himself. Completely immature. Or rather, typical 14 year old who thinks they're mature, behaviour.

As for the boyfriend - not mature. If I was dating someone at my age, it could be Shawn freaking Michaels himself, and found out he was 14, that relationship would be over. 14 is a child. We all remember being 14, and I'm sure most of us would say we were a 'mature' 14 year old. However, looking back as an adult, I'm also sure most of us would say we weren't as mature as we thought we are - and none of us were ready for a sexual relationship with a 21 year old. There is just such a huge emotional difference between those ages.

Also, while I'm not suggesting this is the case in this situation (Though, honestly, we have no idea of the truth as we will never meet either person), it can be really easy to dupe a 14 year old into sex. Rape isn't always someone being 'tied down, drugged, or beaten' as you put it. A child can be 'forced' into sex in different ways, using emotional abuse. And that's why we have an underage law. Yes, sometimes it may seem a little excessive, but in situations like this you can never be too careful.

 

[JGlass]

I'd like to congratulate Phenom on having his eyes opened to the truths about underage sex after having a conversation with one 13-year-old. Surely this disproves years and years of psychological studies showing that this level of sexual activity at such an age is probably evidence that this kid is the victim of sexual abuse, as well as the fact that the men having "consensual" sex with him are likely doing it with little regard to his feelings and, while not necessarily sexual predators, are taking advantage of a naive boy who doesn't understand the difference between sex and a relationship.

tl;dr This kid should not be talking to Phenom about this stuff, he should be talking to a therapist like yesterday.

 

[SSJPhenom]

I'd like to congratulate Phenom on having his eyes opened to the truths about underage sex after having a conversation with one 13-year-old. Surely this disproves years and years of psychological studies showing that this level of sexual activity at such an age is probably evidence that this kid is the victim of sexual abuse, as well as the fact that the men having "consensual" sex with him are likely doing it with little regard to his feelings and, while not necessarily sexual predators, are taking advantage of a naive boy who doesn't understand the difference between sex and a relationship.

tl;dr This kid should not be talking to Phenom about this stuff, he should be talking to a therapist like yesterday.

Sarcasm much? Alas, you're right though. My eyes were opened after speaking with a 14 year old boy with serious issues. Why? Because underage sex was never something that I thought about. After hearing my sister and DJ talking about it, though, I realized it was something that I needed to think about because my sister is getting older and is thinking about stuff like this as well. I made this thread and posted this topic because I really did not know what to do. I was forced into being the guardian of my siblings so they didn't have to go into the system. I wasn't ready for kids. Especially a teenager. So forgive me for wanting to have a discussion on this topic.

 

[Lee]

What do you guys think?

I think you're trying to justify something that you know is wrong. This entire thing is unsettling. How do you know he's 21? He could be older, he's already said he was 18 and now it turns he's 21. He could be 25, 27 who knows.

End of the day this is a man in his 20s having sex with a child who is 14. You're justifying it and I don't get why. The language you're using really unsettles me "he's a great young man" there's 5-6 years difference between you and the boyfriend. No 27 year old calls a 21 year old a young man.

What sort of mother lets their 14 year old have sex with a man in his 20s so that the child won't hate her. That's fucked up.

Your story is also full of differing things, it doesn't make sense.

 

[SSJPhenom]

I think you're trying to justify something that you know is wrong. This entire thing is unsettling. How do you know he's 21? He could be older, he's already said he was 18 and now it turns he's 21. He could be 25, 27 who knows.

End of the day this is a man in his 20s having sex with a child who is 14. You're justifying it and I don't get why. The language you're using really unsettles me "he's a great young man" there's 5-6 years difference between you and the boyfriend. No 27 year old calls a 21 year old a young man.

What sort of mother lets their 14 year old have sex with a man in his 20s so that the child won't hate her. That's fucked up.

Your story is also full of differing things, it doesn't make sense.

I'm not justifying a damn thing, I'm just calling it as I see it. The boyfriend never lied about his age, DJ lied to his mother about the boyfriends age and to the boyfriend about his age. I guess you're right though, he could be lying about his age. I guess it could've been a fake id he showed Janine, its possible. I'm sorry that my choice of words offends you, however, again I call it as I see it. Idk why Janine made the decision that she did and honestly I don't like it, however, when it comes down to it, its none of my business. The boyfriend was duped into believing that the person he was seeing for the last 2 months was 18. Why he stuck around after learning the truth, idk. But I'm damn sure not trying to justify anything and I take offense to your dumbass assessment that I'm trying to. What I was attempting to do in my posts was stay neutral, but I definitely wasn't trying to justify anything.

 

[Lee]

But I'm damn sure not trying to justify anything and I take offense to your dumbass assessment that I'm trying to. What I was attempting to do in my posts was stay neutral, but I definitely wasn't trying to justify anything.

You've not stayed neutral. Here are some examples:

Thread title: Is Underage Sex As Bad As It Seems?. Wording leads more to a no.

(honestly this is the best conversation that I've had in years and it's with a 14 year old)

Although I still have plenty of doubts, he has a point.

I used to think that underage relationships were wrong no matter what

I used to implies you no longer do.

I may not have been clear enough in my original post for this thread, however, he wasn't having sex with men at the age of 8. He was messing around with boys his own age and friends that would come over to his home or the ones he would go and stay with. Not men. Older guys didn't come into the picture until he was 13. I thought I mentioned that. I'm told that boys messing around with other boys is completely normal behavior whether the child turns out to be gay or not.

This full post is just what the fuck.

Of course he said that it was too late then, he had already fell in love.

He fell in love with someone he knew nothing about. He obviously didn't know what DJ was doing in his day to day life (going to school). The love is a lie.

showed us DJs Facebook where he changed his date of birth

Do neither you or his mother have DJ on FB?

It seemed like the boyfriend was a legit good guy and was innocent.

By the legal definition he's not innocent. He found out DJ was 14 yet continued. That's not a legal argument "oh I knew he was 14 but I was already in love".

The boyfriend really does seem like a nice young man. Has a job, is going to college, and what not.

He's not though, he's with a 14 year old. That's not a nice young man.

 

[SSJPhenom]

You've not stayed neutral. Here are some examples:

Thread title: Is Underage Sex As Bad As It Seems?. Wording leads more to a no.




I used to implies you no longer do.



This full post is just what the fuck.


He fell in love with someone he knew nothing about. He obviously didn't know what DJ was doing in his day to day life (going to school). The love is a lie.


Do neither you or his mother have DJ on FB?


By the legal definition he's not innocent. He found out DJ was 14 yet continued. That's not a legal argument "oh I knew he was 14 but I was already in love".



He's not though, he's with a 14 year old. That's not a nice young man.

I was trying to place the blame on DJ because at the end of the day, whether he's 14 or not, he is to blame for all the shit that is going on in his life right now. Looking for guys online, lying about his age, etc.

Yes we have him on FB, however, I don't go around checking everybody's age that I have on FB. I guess you do?

Truly, I still think it's bad and if the boyfriend had half a brain, he'd get away from the situation entirely. What I wanted to do, though, is explore how we as a society can condemn people as paedophiles when in all honestly, they've been duped, led a stray, bamboozled, etc. DJ can literally pass for 18-25. He's 5'9" and has a goatee for crying out loud. I just wanted to convey how it was possible for this guy to get into this situation without him being a paedophile. Guess I failed.

 

[J.J.]

I was trying to place the blame on DJ because at the end of the day, whether he's 14 or not, he is to blame for all the shit that is going on in his life right now. Looking for guys online, lying about his age, etc.

Yes we have him on FB, however, I don't go around checking everybody's age that I have on FB. I guess you do?

Truly, I still think it's bad and if the boyfriend had half a brain, he'd get away from the situation entirely. What I wanted to do, though, is explore how we as a society can condemn people as paedophiles when in all honestly, they've been duped, led a stray, bamboozled, etc. DJ can literally pass for 18-25. He's 5'9" and has a goatee for crying out loud. I just wanted to convey how it was possible for this guy to get into this situation without him being a paedophile. Guess I failed.

I've been out of High School for 21 years now and even then there were many guys with facial hair and girls that could pass for adults that in actuality were probably no more than 15. I blame DJ's partner for not throughly investigating what he was getting himself involved in from the get go, especially since they allegedly met online. People disguising their age for entitlement is not something that is uncommon.

He should've asked for a license or photo ID from the time he met DJ. I find it hard to believe he found out this guy was only 14 two weeks ago and still took it upon himself to continue to talk to DJ on a serious level. Who would want to sacrifice becoming a registered sex offender for someone that's still 4 years removed from being a legal adult. With that being said if he is faced with any incriminating charges later on I would not sympathize with him at all. I just know if it was my son or daughter he was talking to and I found out, he would be in jail.

I'm still disturbed by the fact that the mother is allowing this, in short it's rather sickening that the parent is giving into something that is legally and morally wrong. Where is Social Services in matters like this? I'm glad you showed some concern but I'm also baffled you can consider this person mature for his age while he's showing evident signs of immaturity by lying and trying to pull wool over your eyes by trying to come off as mature for his age while making typical teenage mistakes.

The partner led himself into this situation, he wasn't duped.

 

[JGlass]

Sarcasm much? Alas, you're right though. My eyes were opened after speaking with a 14 year old boy with serious issues. Why? Because underage sex was never something that I thought about. After hearing my sister and DJ talking about it, though, I realized it was something that I needed to think about because my sister is getting older and is thinking about stuff like this as well. I made this thread and posted this topic because I really did not know what to do. I was forced into being the guardian of my siblings so they didn't have to go into the system. I wasn't ready for kids. Especially a teenager. So forgive me for wanting to have a discussion on this topic.

My apologies, choosing to discuss a serious legal and psychological issue on a wrestling forum was definitely a good decision on your part. You made a good call bringing this to us rather than someone who is trained to speak on this subject.

Truly, I still think it's bad and if the boyfriend had half a brain, he'd get away from the situation entirely. What I wanted to do, though, is explore how we as a society can condemn people as paedophiles when in all honestly, they've been duped, led a stray, bamboozled, etc. DJ can literally pass for 18-25. He's 5'9" and has a goatee for crying out loud. I just wanted to convey how it was possible for this guy to get into this situation without him being a paedophile. Guess I failed.

That's clearly not what your original intent was. Whether your original intent was to open a discussion about whether it was okay to have sex with someone who is legally underage or to actually condone having sex with someone who is legally underage, I'm not sure, but in the beginning it was certainly about the alleged reasons one could use to justify having sex with a minor.

 

[SSJPhenom]

I've been out of High School for 21 years now and even then there were many guys with facial hair and girls that could pass for adults that in actuality were probably no more than 15. I blame DJ's partner for not throughly investigating what he was getting himself involved in from the get go, especially since they allegedly met online. People disguising their age for entitlement is not something that is uncommon.

He should've asked for a license or photo ID from the time he met DJ. I find it hard to believe he found out this guy was only 14 two weeks ago and still took it upon himself to continue to talk to DJ on a serious level. Who would want to sacrifice becoming a registered sex offender for someone that's still 4 years removed from being a legal adult. With that being said if he is faced with any incriminating charges later on I would not sympathize with him at all. I just know if it was my son or daughter he was talking to and I found out, he would be in jail.

I'm still disturbed by the fact that the mother is allowing this, in short it's rather sickening that the parent is giving into something that is legally and morally wrong. Where is Social Services in matters like this? I'm glad you showed some concern but I'm also baffled you can consider this person mature for his age while he's showing evident signs of immaturity by lying and trying to pull wool over your eyes by trying to come off as mature for his age while making typical teenage mistakes.

The partner led himself into this situation, he wasn't duped.

The only thing that I understand with Janine's decision is that she doesn't want DJ to hate her. DJ is all she has in the world and not wanting to ruin that relationship is important to her. At the end of the day, though, I don't agree with her decision because if it were my sister dating a 21 year old guy, well he wouldn't be in jail, I probably would be for something violent. That's assuming of course that he doesn't see it my way and continues to see my sister after I've specifically told him not to. Even though I want my sister's love and I don't want her to become the teenager that comes home from school and stays in her room all night and never talks to me; I do know that I would never let her get into this type of situation. I'd do everything I could to keep her away from him and I wouldn't care what she wanted. I can't make that call with DJ and as far as I'm concerned, my involvement is over. I told his mother and she did what she did. I wanted so bad to tell her all of the societal norms that one would say to a mother in this situation: You know it's wrong, this guy is weird, he could be dangerous, you should do something about it, etc. It wasn't my decision to make though and whether she made the right or wrong decision wasn't my call.

Is the boyfriend guilty for learning the truth and not ending it, yes he is. Is DJ guilty for lying to everyone and bringing all this on him, yes he is. Also, I never said he was mature. I said he appeared mature outwardly. I never expressed my opinion one way or another on the matter. Does DJ appear mature at first glance, yes he does. Does he carry himself with a level of sophistication, yes he does. Having said that, though; are his actions indicative of a teenager that just wants things his way and will act out to get it, yes they are. I wash my hands of it though. I wish DJ all the best and I hope it doesn't blow up in his face or anything, but I'm not going to revisit this issue with him again. He can continue to come over and visit my sister and make himself at home, but I'm not going to talk about this issue with him again. I hope his mother comes to her senses and if she asks my opinion in the future, I will give it to her, however, I'm not going to bring up the issue with her anymore either.

As long as myself or my family aren't affected by this, I don't have a dog in this race.

 

[Deoxyribonucleic A.C.I.D.]

I'm close to being to 21 years old. I'm not gay, but I will try to explain my mindset here.

My brain thinks so much differently than the brain of a 14 year old child.

During sex of course you don't really think you just act, however, you brought up the subject of "relationship".

In their 20s, people are looking of a different kind of relationship than in their 14s. Why would that 21 year old jerk want to do anything with a child that is 14 year old?

Their minds do not connect in any way. There's a huge gap between those ages. I could never have a realationship with a girl 7 fucking years younger than me, due to the different way of thinking.

My point? That 21 year old bastard should be punched in the face. He clearly wants nothing more than sex, when that DJ kid is looking for something more. The only one winning from this is the 21 year old dude, when DJ will end up with a trauma.

 

[SSJPhenom]

That's clearly not what your original intent was. Whether your original intent was to open a discussion about whether it was okay to have sex with someone who is legally underage or to actually condone having sex with someone who is legally underage, I'm not sure, but in the beginning it was certainly about the alleged reasons one could use to justify having sex with a minor.

You're right, my original post wasn't for that purpose, however, the post I made about the lunch I had with the mother was for that purpose. That was the post that Lee quoted me from. So don't mix my posts and jump into a conversation that I had with someone else and tell me what my intentions were.

 

[Coco]

No DJ, the law makes total sense and you explained why perfectly in the quotes above. Without the law, all those immature children could be victimized without repercussion making it far more likely those children will be victimized.

This situation becomes even more fun when you factor in over-confident teenagers like DJ who know everything about the world. They can't possibly fathom the idea that they themselves might be victims. They don't understand how easy it is for older, predatory people to run wild on them.

Lord, it's easy enough to talk most 20 year olds into any-and-everything. I can only imagine how vulnerable a 14 year old would be.

The law is for everyone. Even DJ. The end.

Also, while I'm not suggesting this is the case in this situation (Though, honestly, we have no idea of the truth as we will never meet either person), it can be really easy to dupe a 14 year old into sex. Rape isn't always someone being 'tied down, drugged, or beaten' as you put it. A child can be 'forced' into sex in different ways, using emotional abuse. And that's why we have an underage law. Yes, sometimes it may seem a little excessive, but in situations like this you can never be too careful.

Ding ding ding. We have a winner.

Consent is for adults. Because children are too stupid to know what's good for them. Are there going to be rare cases where someone is more mature at a younger age than the law will account for? Probably. But even in those cases, the law should be followed. Because the law has to account for the good of society, not the good of DJ's love life.

I'd like to congratulate Phenom on having his eyes opened to the truths about underage sex after having a conversation with one 13-year-old.

He really couldn't have chosen his words more poorly. Guy needs to be really careful about young boys broadening his horizons.

Personally, I like my partners like I like my scotch: Aged for at least two decades.

I find it hard to believe he found out this guy was only 14 two weeks ago and still took it upon himself to continue to talk to DJ on a serious level. Who would want to sacrifice becoming a registered sex offender for someone that's still 4 years removed from being a legal adult. With that being said if he is faced with any incriminating charges later on I would not sympathize with him at all. I just know if it was my son or daughter he was talking to and I found out, he would be in jail.

Basically this. Phenom can wax philosophical all he wants about how the guy got duped. But the scumbag is still carrying something on with a 14 year old. It's wrong. The law should be involved.

At the very least the law should be involved to stop DJ from moving on to the next guy whose life he could potentially ruin.

 

[JGlass]

You're right, my original post wasn't for that purpose, however, the post I made about the lunch I had with the mother was for that purpose. That was the post that Lee quoted me from. So don't mix my posts and jump into a conversation that I had with someone else and tell me what my intentions were.

Are you familiar with the phrase, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."?

Regarding that conversation you had with the boys mother, I'm now quite convinced that she should be in jail for child endangerment, the boyfriend should be in jail for having sex with a minor and statutory rape, and, again, DJ should be in therapy like yesterday. I think you should notify the police because this is not a good situation for DJ who, regardless of what you think of him, is too young to be involved with an older man.

But if you still feel like true love can exist between a grown ass man and a child, you can always join NAMBLA.

 

[Reflection]

You know, it's rather funny to see trolls forming a makeshift moral police squad. This final page is a total waste. And it's amusing how you guys even turned this thread into a typical WZF-style gang up against him. Phenom, I'm pretty sure that if you were looking for answers like "notify the police," you wouldn't have posted here. I wasn't going to comment, because the case seemed solved, so to speak, but I felt like I had to. Right now, it's about making you look wrong and stupid; your words are being twisted, the taunts are becoming less subtle and more direct. Forget about being respectful (as you requested in the OP), now DJ and 21 are just being used as medium to throw offence at you as well. At this point, I would suggest that you stop responding to them, because arguing with this mob will do you or your friends no good, and what has happened in this page, will only get worse. They want to see you have an outburst. Don't give them that pleasure.

As for the situation with DJ, you talked to his mom; she talked to the boyfriend, the matter has been cleared up. DJ's mother seems to be a calm person, someone that doesn't react on the spur of the moment, but considers all sides before making a decision. I guess the weight is off your shoulder now. You handled the whole situation really well. Maybe God wanted you to eavesdrop on your sister's conversation with DJ. There is nothing that the guy could do after learning DJ's real age, other than break up with him, but it's not so easy to take that road. Hope he will be able to resist the physical relation though; DJ's mother must have talked to him as well about this agreement. DJ kind of acted like his age and unwittingly made the blunder of lying about his age and putting both of them at risk, his BF more than him. Imagine if you had the same mindset as some of the above members, 21 would be in deep trouble. No one would like to see their child in such a situation, but sometimes you have to make an exception to see someone happy, and I think that's what DJ's mother did. Hope it works out well for them in the end.

 

[Navi]

Okay I have stayed out of this as long as I can, but now I feel I have to say something. What the fuck is wrong with this whole situation? The answer is everything.

You have a 14 year old boy having sex with men, and to top it off has a 21 year old boyfriend. That my friend is breaking the law on all sorts of different levels. First of all it's rape, whether the 14 year old consented, it's rape. Secondly it's pedophilia, the 21 year old should have no business doing anything with a 14 year old boy, except maybe coaching his hockey or baseball team. Putting his hands anywhere on him is a no go. He should be listed as a sex offender and this is probably not the first child he's had sex with. And he knows it. One of them has to take responsibility for what's happening and it should be the older one.

Don't even get me started on the mother. You say in your opening post she thinks the boyfriend is younger, 18 I believe. Well shit that's still against the law, she should be brought up on charges of child endangerment. You can't just stand and by and let your child be abused by older men, good God.

I'm a mother, my son is 24 and he is straight, and believe me if any man had ever put his hands on him, the police would have been the last thing he would have to worry about. I would have literally hunted him down and killed him before they could even have got to him. I have no idea why this mother hasn't done the same thing. The whole thing is completely fucked up.

 

[Tastycles]

I spend most of my day with teenagers. Every day at my school the kids have to stand up for the national anthem. When I got here, they used to take the piss and not do it properly, and why would they? All I did is say to one of them, one day 'you were the best today at standing for the national anthem'. These kids are 15 and 16 years old and some of the most intelligent and determined kids I've ever met. Yet that simple action made them all, to a man, stand quietly and respectfully every day since. You might think this is irrelevant, but it proves what I'm about to say so lucidly that I've said it first: children will do anything to impress adults that they like.

They aren't any different from adults in this respect - we all like to get a pat on the back from time to time from our superiors, but most of them have not gathered the sufficient life experience to understand when they are being manipulated. A 21 year old man should not be putting his penis anywhere near a 14 year old child for exactly this reason.

How many people here over the age of 14 have ever thought 'gee, all the decisions I made when I was 14 were well thought out and intelligent. I'm willing to bet somewhere in the vicinity of 0.

I reckon over the course of the last 3 years I've gotten to know maybe 300 14 year olds pretty well through work and not one of them has ever had the decision making capability of an adult and I don't see why this guy is any different. People who have been abused at a young age aren't somehow more mature, if anything it is the opposite.

How anyone could ever think that this shouldn't be a matter for the law authorities is completely and utterly beyond me.

In answer to the question posed, yeah the age of consent is pretty arbitrary, but there's a fucking world of difference between two 14 year olds experimenting with each other and a man with 50% more life experience preying on a young boy.

 

[Navi]

One interesting fact that no one has mentioned yet is the fact that this 14 year old thinks that having sex with men twice his age is okay. Does this mean that when he reaches the age of consent he'll think that having sex with minors is okay since he did it? Thus another pedophile is alive and well in our communities.

It's a cycle that someone has to end, and since the mother is either unwilling or unresponsive enough to do it, the law has to step in and do it for her. I don't care what her reasoning is, it has to stop before it endangers another child.

She as a parent and an adult has a responsibility to look after and protect her son from what looks to be himself in this case. Just the fact that she knows about this and is letting it continue doesn't say much about her decision making processes. I feel so sorry for this kid, and if I was in a position to do something about it I would.

 

[JGlass]

You know, it's rather funny to see trolls forming a makeshift moral police squad. This final page is a total waste. And it's amusing how you guys even turned this thread into a typical WZF-style gang up against him. Phenom, I'm pretty sure that if you were looking for answers like "notify the police," you wouldn't have posted here. I wasn't going to comment, because the case seemed solved, so to speak, but I felt like I had to. Right now, it's about making you look wrong and stupid; your words are being twisted, the taunts are becoming less subtle and more direct. Forget about being respectful (as you requested in the OP), now DJ and 21 are just being used as medium to throw offence at you as well. At this point, I would suggest that you stop responding to them, because arguing with this mob will do you or your friends no good, and what has happened in this page, will only get worse. They want to see you have an outburst. Don't give them that pleasure.

As for the situation with DJ, you talked to his mom; she talked to the boyfriend, the matter has been cleared up. DJ's mother seems to be a calm person, someone that doesn't react on the spur of the moment, but considers all sides before making a decision. I guess the weight is off your shoulder now. You handled the whole situation really well. Maybe God wanted you to eavesdrop on your sister's conversation with DJ. There is nothing that the guy could do after learning DJ's real age, other than break up with him, but it's not so easy to take that road. Hope he will be able to resist the physical relation though; DJ's mother must have talked to him as well about this agreement. DJ kind of acted like his age and unwittingly made the blunder of lying about his age and putting both of them at risk, his BF more than him. Imagine if you had the same mindset as some of the above members, 21 would be in deep trouble. No one would like to see their child in such a situation, but sometimes you have to make an exception to see someone happy, and I think that's what DJ's mother did. Hope it works out well for them in the end.

I'm not sure if your being intentionally ignorant to troll or if you're sincerely white knighting for pedophilia.

I don't think anyone is making a makeshift moral police squad, but the majority of us share the same belief that what is happening in this situation is wrong morally and legally. As Tasty pointed out, no 14 year old is capable of making the decisions of an adult, and yet has been put (or put himself, depending on how much credit you want to give him) in a situation where he is making decisions that could have a profound effect on his short and long term well-being. As Dark Lady pointed out, if he is having sex with older men at this young age, it means he's more likely to repeat the behavior as an adult, and even if you subscribe to the belief that DJ is emotionally mature enough to make the decision to be in a relationship with an adult, how likely do you think it is that he'll find another teenager like him?

As for my perspective, this story just doesn't add up. Between DJ's sexual behavior at such a young age, his eagerness to engage in a romantic relationship with a much older man, and his mother's naivety in allowing a romantic relationship between her 13-year-old son and a 21-year-old man to continue, there's definitely something going on that Phenom is unaware of. It absolutely is a matter for the police, or at the very least a therapist that specializes in sexuality. I think it's very likely that DJ was sexually abused as a young child and could wind up having a life full of suffering if this isn't handled, and this seems like a fine opportunity to begin that process.

 

[Mighty NorCal]

I just wanted to convey how it was possible for this guy to get into this situation without him being a paedophile. Guess I failed.

Mostly because having sex with a child does indeed make one a pedophile.

 

[A11oftheLights]

Mostly because having sex with a child does indeed make one a pedophile.

Yes but without knowing what DJ looks like its very possible he just looks old for his age and thus 21 fell for it. However he now knows DJ's 14 and should be fucking disgusted by it and feel betrayed or some bullshit because DJ lied and has put him in a dangerous scenario.

How the fuck could you want to stay in that 'relationship'?

 

[Mighty NorCal]

Yes but without knowing what DJ looks like its very possible he just looks old for his age and thus 21 fell for it

Indeed, he may have.


And when it is revealed to you the person whom you have been having sex with is 14, the natural reaction is for your skin to fall off, in anger, disgust, and shock.


To continue doing it, however, makes you a pedophile.

 

[Navi]

The only thing that I understand with Janine's decision is that she doesn't want DJ to hate her. DJ is all she has in the world and not wanting to ruin that relationship is important to her. At the end of the day, though, I don't agree with her decision because if it were my sister dating a 21 year old guy, well he wouldn't be in jail, I probably would be for something violent. That's assuming of course that he doesn't see it my way and continues to see my sister after I've specifically told him not to. Even though I want my sister's love and I don't want her to become the teenager that comes home from school and stays in her room all night and never talks to me; I do know that I would never let her get into this type of situation. I'd do everything I could to keep her away from him and I wouldn't care what she wanted. I can't make that call with DJ and as far as I'm concerned, my involvement is over. I told his mother and she did what she did. I wanted so bad to tell her all of the societal norms that one would say to a mother in this situation: You know it's wrong, this guy is weird, he could be dangerous, you should do something about it, etc. It wasn't my decision to make though and whether she made the right or wrong decision wasn't my call.

That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, excuse me for saying so. She doesn't want her son to hate her, because that's all she has. So in other words she letting the most important person in the world be sexually abused by an older man because she wants to remain her son's friend.

My son I'm sure has hated me from time to time because I wouldn't let him do what he wanted. We have had battles over the years, but he knows my decisions are made with his best interests at heart. I would never, ever, allow anyone to abuse him in any way. I love my son, but there is a huge difference between being a mother and being a friend. Many times I've had to bite the bullet and take the flack for decisions I've made on his behalf, so has my husband, but we've done it and I've got a kid who's pretty well adjusted, his head is screwed on properly and he doesn't have issues like other kids do.

A friend of mine acted like this mother did and was a friend to her two kids instead of being a parent. She set no boundaries and let them do whatever they wanted. Result, her son is in jail for car theft, not his first time, and her daughter is 22 with 3 kids and one on the way, all different fathers and she isn't married to any of them. Now my friend is working two jobs to pay for legal fees and to take care of her grandchildren while the daughter sits around all day doing nothing. No I'm sorry but I was a parent and have a son who goes out to work, has decent friends and a nice girlfriend. Much better than going to see him on weekends with a glass panel between us while he does 3 years in jail. Did I make mistakes, sure I did, but I didn't let him make mistakes that would have impacted the rest of his life, that's the difference.

Is the boyfriend guilty for learning the truth and not ending it, yes he is. Is DJ guilty for lying to everyone and bringing all this on him, yes he is. Also, I never said he was mature. I said he appeared mature outwardly. I never expressed my opinion one way or another on the matter. Does DJ appear mature at first glance, yes he does. Does he carry himself with a level of sophistication, yes he does. Having said that, though; are his actions indicative of a teenager that just wants things his way and will act out to get it, yes they are. I wash my hands of it though. I wish DJ all the best and I hope it doesn't blow up in his face or anything, but I'm not going to revisit this issue with him again. He can continue to come over and visit my sister and make himself at home, but I'm not going to talk about this issue with him again. I hope his mother comes to her senses and if she asks my opinion in the future, I will give it to her, however, I'm not going to bring up the issue with her anymore either.

As long as myself or my family aren't affected by this, I don't have a dog in this race.

That's where you are wrong, you do have a dog in this race, you know about it. Everyone here is wrong. The kid for lying, the other guy for accepting his lie and not doing anything about it when he found out the truth and the mother for doing nothing period.

The authorities should be notified about this. I worked for the Board of Education for 13 years, and it was our duty to notify Childrens Services if we suspected any sort of abuse for any of the kids in the school, sexual, emotional or physical. All board employees have to follow that mandate, it's set out by the Ontario Ministry of Education, and we can't just shut our eyes too it. If I knew this kid like I said before I would do something and let the chips fall where they may. If you are going to start doing this kind of shit, let people know about it, then you have to be prepared that someone will have the balls to stop it. I don't have balls, but I would stop it just to protect this kid if nothing else.

 

[A11oftheLights]

Indeed, he may have.


And when it is revealed to you the person whom you have been having sex with is 14, the natural reaction is for your skin to fall off, in anger, disgust, and shock.


To continue doing it, however, makes you a pedophile.

Oh yeah I agree its fucked