I'm Watching No Surrender

[Uncle Sam]

To make a change from your typical trigonometry thread, here's something about wrestling.

The first match, Jesse Sorensen versus Kid Kash, was actually rather good. I see Kid Kash is going for pedophile chic these days. Rather good match. Jesse Sorensen is like a young Randy Orton, in as much as he's not good now but he might be one day. Still, his earnestness is infatuating. Widdle Jesse Sowensen I'll call him. Bless.

Bully Ray versus James Storm was neat. Ray channelled Randy Savage's refusing to get in the ring for ages to garner heel heat thing, and James Storm channelled, uh, Alberto Del Rio's "cross armbreaker." I'm no MMA expert, but I think a cross armbreaker is just an armbar without the leverage. I'll try it on a fellow commuter tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure having beer spat in your face is more of an annoyance and less of a corrosive acid that will melt away your very soul. Tell that to that one referee; one of the ones that isn't Earl Hebner or his grandson, Earl Hebner III.

Now there's a women's match. This woman has a British accent, is apparently a vampire and is shit. This other woman is Mickie James; she is also shit. Karen Jarrett is knockout VP. I have no idea what that entails. Something stupid, no doubt. Angelina Love looks like her face had a car accident, then a stroke, then another car accident. Has it always looked like that?

 

[Uncle Sam]

Women crying with blood all over them. Just how I like them.

 

[gd]

God bless you for having the courage to watch this should. Your insights are invaluable.

 

[Uncle Sam]

I'd point out that there's too much referee interference, but that would be akin to pointing out the sun's too hot or that Lee likes Nintendo too much.

 

[Uncle Sam]

There's a tag title match coming up. I think the Latin American lady's father died on 9/11. I'm sure TNA will handle the situation tastefully.

The Pope and Devon are a tag team? Tremendous! My name for them; Black and Black Violence.

It's showing bits from 'Impact Wrestling!", which apparently took place in a bigger venue than this pay-per-view.

Oh, there's two women. This is a headscratcher.

 

[Uncle Sam]

"How did you commemorate the tenth anniversary of your father's death?"
"Oh, I was sexually assaulted by a muscular black man, live on pay-per-view."

 

[Uncle Sam]

My mistake - two muscular black men.

Sarita, or the other one, holds The Pope's foot underneath the rope. This both stops him from kicking out and allows the referee's count to continue. Because.

Typical TNA tag match - it just became a tornado tag match halfway through for no reason.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Oh, I see! Joe injured The Pope and Devon so that they couldn't compete in the Bound For Glory series. You know, those two guys that were just in a match anyway.

 

[gd]

Logic. Logic is the key

 

[Uncle Sam]

People who complain that John Cena no-sells need to watch a Matt Morgan match. Joe beats him up for five minutes and then Morgan decides that no, none of that actually hurt at all.

Still a rather entertaining match, mind you, and Joe isn't even working with someone willing to bump like crazy for him. Go figure.

 

[Tastycles]

People who complain that John Cena no-sells need to watch a Matt Morgan match. Joe beats him up for five minutes and then Morgan decides that no, none of that actually hurt at all.

I believe I made that point when Michael Jackson was still alive, and nobody listened. Now look what's happened.

 

[Uncle Sam]

I believe I made that point when Michael Jackson was still alive, and nobody listened. Now look what's happened.

You also said that Morgan was a better fit for Hulk Hogan's apprentice than Abyss, you madman.

You know what I've just realised? Wrestling chants are awful. I mean, football fans have chants with verses. Verses. What do wrestling fans have? "Beer! Money!"

 

[The Dewbliners]

Oh, I thought I was the only person who was gonna watch that.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Oh, I thought I was the only person who was gonna watch that.

I'll be honest, I just want to watch the Aries/Kendrick match. The two hours I've already unwittingly poured into this thing will be worth it when I see Aries' sweet, sweet facial hair.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Robert Roode and his eighties hairstyle defeat Gunner with a crossface that was less interesting than my feet. Because I was looking at my feet.

Hey, look, stables. UNADVERTISED!? UNPROMOTED!? Really, Mr. Bischoff? You're right; you are an amazing businessman.

Austin Aries and his amazing facial hair make their first appearance of the evening. If I didn't know better, I'd say his current beard is a delicious satire of Randy Orton's.

 

[Coco]

I'd rather watch Real Steel.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Challenge ended up not showing the business end of the pay-per-view, though I was past caring by that point. Sleep now.

 

[Pepe Silvia]

The thing about TNA is, they always try to walk it in.

 

[Mr. Artistic guy]

Everything Bully Ray did that night was very good... except the actual wrestling. Storytelling was great though.

 

[Coco]

The storytelling is part of the actual wrestling, you dolt.

 

[Dowdsy McDowds]

Challenge ended up not showing the business end of the pay-per-view, though I was past caring by that point. Sleep now.

Seeing Magnus as Oblivion from Gladiators sent me to bed happy.

You know what I've just realised? Wrestling chants are awful. I mean, football fans have chants with verses. Verses. What do wrestling fans have? "Beer! Money!"

They also had the attempt/fail of "Bobby Rooooooooode" *awkward pause" "Bobby Roooooooode."

Everything Bully Ray did that night was very good... except the actual wrestling. Storytelling was great though.

Yeh, Bully Ray was pretty decent for sure. The ending was a bit poor though. The chest chopping sequences made me think, "Wow, that's intense," Gunner doing heavy nasal breathing and staring a lot, doesn't.

 

[Coco]

In response to the rep I received in response to the post I made responding to a post of the person who sent me the responsorial rep, you'd still be wrong. Technical wrestling means nothing.

 

[JGlass]

I always suspected Sam was a masochist.