GWA CATASTROPHE.WZ

[Theo Mays]

Global Wrestling Alliance brings to you.....

MONDAY NIGHT CATASTROPHE!!!!!

GM: Bret "Hitman" Hart
Announce Team: Todd Grisham and Matt Striker
Backstage Interviewer: Christy Hemme
Ring Announcer: Justin Roberts
Referees: Mike Chioda (Head), Jack Doan, and Justin King

United States Champion: Shelton Benjamin
European Champion:
Global Tag Team Champions: Hart Dynasty (Tyson Kidd and David Hart Smith)

 

[Theo Mays]

Championship History

United States Championship
Shelton Benjamin (Weeks held: 1)

European Championship

Global Tag Team Championship
Hart Dynasty (Weeks held: 1)

 

[Theo Mays]

This just in from the Catastrophe section of the GWA website!

GWA Debut written by Theo Mays

Global Wrestling Alliance gears up for its first show, which will feature talents from all six of the GWA brands. The main focus of this Supershow will be a twelve man, one night tournament to determine the first Undisputed Champion of the GWA. Each brand will have two representatives, and as of now I can inform you that The Undertaker and Edge will be the two representatives from Catastrophe. However this did NOT come from the mouth of Catastrophe GM, Bret "Hitman" Hart.

Since assembling the roster for Catastrophe, Hitman has gone missing. All phone calls have been answered by his secretary at his office at the GWA Headquarters. Hart's secretary stated that Bret told her that Undertaker and Edge would be representing Catastrophe in the tourney. Any other details of the show are too remain a mystery.

When asked about what type of show Hart has in store for the first episode of Monday Night Catastrophe, his secretary stated "Big things are gonna happen and it is only a matter of time before they do."

So it seems to a big mystery regarding the Catastrophe brand. And who is to say that all the questions will be answered come the first show. But the one for sure thing is that this will be interesting.

 

[Theo Mays]

Theo Mays here with some backstage news regarding GWA's Monday Night Catastrophe. Nothing big to report today, but I can give you the heads up on what the official theme song of Catastrophe will be.

Spoiler

[YOUTUBE]1mjlM_RnsVE[/YOUTUBE]

I spoke to the head of marketing for the Catastrophe brand and here is what he said about the choice.

"The song just fits hand in hand with Catastrophe. It has that feeling that just makes you want to get up and watch guys beat the crap out of each other. It was a tough choice, but in the end we felt this was the best choice."

So there ya have it folks. For more news concerning Monday Night Catastrophe come back and Theo Mays will be sure to have it.

 

[Theo Mays]

Justin Roberts-Welcome to the first webisode for GWA Catastrophe. The following match is scheduled for one fall and has a fifteen minute time limit!

Lance Cade’s Theme

Spoiler

[youtube]B9McCs611gw[/youtube]

Roberts- Introducing first, from San Antonio, Texas…LANCE CADE!

Theo Mays-Welcome everyone to the webisode here on the GWA Catastrophe website. Theo Mays here and each week I’ll be joined at the broadcast table by a different member of the MNC roster. With me this week is the ever so beautiful, Christy Hemme.

Christy Hemme-Awww thanks Theo, you’re such a doll.

Theo-Stop Christy you are going to make me blush. Someone who is not blushing though is Lance Cade. The Big Texan is scheduled here to compete in the first webisode here on the site.

Christy-And there won’t be any interruptions here, as Bret Hart has promised this match will be contested. It was originally booked by Kevin Nash before Hart showed up for the show and Hart rescheduled it for right now.

Jamie Noble’s Theme

Spoiler

[youtube]fGVG1EAhPm4[/youtube]

Roberts-And his opponent, from Hanover, West Virginia...JAMIE NOBLE!

Christy-And here comes the underestimated pitbull, Jamie Noble. Everytime I see Jamie I can’t help but think of Spunky from Rocko’s Modern Life.

Theo-Really? A Rocko’s Modern Life reference? I think I’m in love. You wanna, um, go out after the show?

Christy-Theo you are so cute! But I’m sorry dear, I’m taken.

Theo-Um oh well, I was ah, lets get on with the show.

Match Description

Spoiler

Referee Justin King rings the bell and the match is underway. Noble goes to take Cade down with a leg sweep, but Cade dodges out of the way. Noble goes for it again and Cade is wise and kicks the hand of Noble as he goes in for the sweep. Cade jumps right onto the offensive as he clubs Noble in the back of the head. Cade gets off a series of kicks until referee King holds him back and allows Noble to recuperate. Noble gets back up and Cade shoves him into the ropes. Cade grabs Noble’s arm and whips him across the ring and goes for a back body drop, but Noble greets Cade with a kick to the face. Noble now picks up on the offensive with a flurry of rights and lefts, and he tops it off with a dropkick that sends Cade to the outside.

Theo-Look at Jamie Noble here Christy! Showing he has a lot of bite in that bark. Will Noble continue to stay the course and ride this one out to pasture and reign victorious or will Lance Cade regain control and ride that pony home to victory? Find out after this commercial break!

Christy-Theo sweetie, this is the internet. There are no commercial breaks.

Theo-Oh well I’ll be darn. You’d think being the head of the website I’d know these. Dang my crazy nerdy staff must be playing a trick on me. Anyways, lets get back to the action then.

Noble is outside the ring at this point and goes to lift Cade up, but Cade pulls Noble head first into the security wall. Cade yells at the fans to shut up as he lifts Noble and throws him into the steel stairs. Cade follows and nails Noble in the gut with a high knee lift. Cade rolls Noble back into the ring and goes for the cover.

1…
2…
KICK OUT!

Theo-There are two things I’ve always noticed about Jamie Noble matches. One, he knows how to take a freaking beating. And two, the guy never quits, no matter how much punishment he goes through.

Christy-Quite down Theo, watch the action here. Noble just slide off Cade’s back and took him down with a flying headscissor and like a smart veteran he stayed locked in and now has Cade in an headscissors armbar submission hold. This applies intense pressure to the shoulder and elbow of Cade. If Jamie has this locked in perfectly we could see a tap out any minute.

Theo-This just in, wrestling nerds alike just made Christy Hemme the most searched thing on the internet. Boy am I gonna be busy tonight.

Christy-What was that?

Theo-Nothing. Back to the action!

Noble still has the submission applied as Cade is refusing to tap. Cade is starting to break the hold, but Noble breaks it on his own power when he hits Cade with kicks across the chest. Noble lifts Cade up and hits him with a consecutive knife edge chops.

Theo-WOOOOOO! A little VINTAGE Ric Flair by Jamie Noble.

Christy (chuckling)-Theo my love, leave the vintage to Michael Cole. Anyone else just sounds ridiculous.

Noble whips Cade into the corner and charges after him. Cade counters with a boot to the face that sends Noble down to one knee. Noble gets back up, but Cade takes his head off with a vicious clothesline. Cade again mocks the crowd to some heat as he lifts Noble up and drops him with the Redneck Bomb (Sitout side slam spinebuster). Cade goes for the cover.

1…
2…
3!

Roberts-The winner of the match by pinfall…LANCE CADE!

Theo-Lance Cade right there just told Jamie Noble that he thinks of him as a rodeo clown. A dominating ending there from Lance Cade.

Christy-Not so fast my friend. Dominating? The match was rather back and forth dear. Noble controlled a good portion of the middle of the match, while Cade controlled the beginning and end. Cade came out victorious, yes, but he certainly didn’t do it in dominating fashion.

Theo-Umm I didn’t mean it like that, I was just saying that uh…gosh you are so hard to argue against.

Christy-Thank you. That’s the advantage of being a woman.

Theo-Well our webisode fans, I’m afraid we are out of time for this evening. But don’t be alarmed, we will be back here weekly following each episode of Monday Night Catastrophe. Stay tuned for next week’s shows, as you sure as hell don’t want to miss them. Big thanks to Christy Hemme for joining me today in the booth. I’m sure it was just as fun for her as it was for me.

Christy (kissing Theo on cheek)-It was a pleasure being here Theo. I’ll be sure to come back again.

Theo (blushing)-I’d love to have you from the back, errr I mean I’d love to have you back. As always you can see Christy each week on Monday Night Catastrophe as our backstage interviewer.

Christy-That is right Theo. And of course you can see the great Theo Mays each week here on the webisode and as the head honcho of the MNC website.

Theo-Again be sure to watch Catastrophe next Monday Night and then join us here. For the lovely Christy Hemme, I’m Theo Mays. Toodle loo.

 

[Theo Mays]

MNC Preview

Theo Mays here from the MNC official website with a preview for the upcoming episode of Monday Night Catastrophe. We can confirm from last weeks show that we will see two champions crowned, as the Global Tag Team Champions and the United States Champion will be determined. In the tag team title match we will see the Hart Dynasty facing off against the Hardy Boyz. Will Bret's family come out on top or will one of wrestling's greatest and most exciting teams prevail? In the US title match we will see a rematch from the GWA Supershow, as "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero will once again face off with "The Gold Standard" Shelton Benjamin. We also know that Mr. Kennedy will be taking on "The World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry after their encounter on MVP's VIP Lounge.

In a shock however, those are not the main headlines. In the main event on the debut show, we saw The Undertaker taking on Edge. Near the end of the match, as Undertaker was looking victorious, MNC GM Bret Hart came out to make an announcement. That announcement was that the loser of the main event match will have their contract terminated. Taker would go on to lose the match, but the controversy still swirls and grumblings are going around the GWA. After the match, Hart and the Hart Dynasty assaulted the Undertaker and placed him in a casket and drove off in hearse. Hart declined an interview and told me he would speak of the matter next week. What will Bret Hart have in store for the rest of the GWA roster and will there be more shocking moves made by the Hitman? Be sure to tune in next week for Monday Night Catastrophe.

 

[Theo Mays]

Breaking News

Theo Mays here with some breaking news from this past week. Earlier this week it was announced that Paul Heyman and his GWA brand, Rampage have backed out of the GWA. This made all the talent of the GWA available and the remaining brands had a draft to select what superstars they would select. I can confirm that the Catastrophe brand selected The Miz, Alex Shelley, and Tomko.

But two of those three superstars were not to unpack their bags. As soon as Tomko was selected, he alongside Jay Lethal, Primo Colon and the contract rights to Natalya were traded to Temptation in return for John Morrison and Santino Marella. Natalya is still a member of the Catastrophe brand, but this agreement allows for her to be able to wrestle on the Temptation brand. Alex Shelley was the next guy to go, as he was shipped to the Nightmare brand in return for Chris Masters.

 

[Theo Mays]

Theo Mays-Hello my internet wrestling nerd fans and welcome to the longest running weekly webisodic show in wrestling history. I am of course your host and commentator Theo Mays and I am joined today by my special guest commentator, Val Venis. Val welcome aboard and you got some big shoes to fill following the lovely Christy Hemme.

Val Venis-There are things I’d like to fill with Christy and they are not shoes if you catch my drift haha.

Theo-Ummm yeah sorry Valbowski but I have no idea where you are.... ahhhh I see what you did there. Anyways reason Val has joined me here is because his opponent next week on Catastrophe, Sheamus is in action tonight. Val you are obviously out here to scout the young Celtic Warrior for your upcoming match for the European Championship. What can you tell my wrestling nerds about Sheamus.

Venis-Well Theo Sheamus is a bit unpredictable, kind of like the Big Valbowski’s movie screenings. You just never know what is going to happen haha. Sheamus has a mean streak that I’m looking to end. I said on the first Monday Night Catastrophe that I was back and looking to make an Impact. Winning the European Championship would do just that.

Sheamus’ Theme

Spoiler

[YOUTUBE]oSq0mE-Lmx0[/YOUTUBE]

Justin Roberts-This match is scheduled for one fall and has a twenty minute time limit. Introducing first, from Dublin, Ireland...SHEAMUS!

Theo-Here comes the ghostly white and angry step child that is Sheamus. Look at the mug on this character Val. The intensity oozes out of his cornea as if someone stole his Lucky Charms.

Venis-This is no laughing matter Theo. Now if you excuse me, I’ve got this match to focus on, so my input here shall be minimum.

Bam Neely’s Theme

Spoiler

[youtube]BLd-TShJ5TI[/youtube]

Roberts-And his opponent, from Robbinsdale, Minnesota...BAM NEELY!

Theo-I’m shocked as the reaction for Bam Neely. I wonder if these folks know that he has no relation to Bam Margera. Either way Neely is in for a tough task facing Sheamus the unfriendly ghost. Maybe Neely shocks the world in his GWA debut here. Any input Valbowski? No alright. Lets get to the match!

Match Description/Results

Spoiler

Referee Jack Doan rings the bell and the match is underway. Sheamus bullrushes Neely, but Neely moves out of the way and Sheamus crashes into the corner. Neely fires off some lefts followed by consecutive rights. Neely backs off and charges at Sheamus with a full head of steam and nails him with an elbow right to the cranium. Sheamus falls to the ground and Neely starts to stomp away as Doan holds him back.

Theo-What a beat down to start the match here by Bambi. Bambi is heated right now and he looks like he could pull off the upset Val. That must make you pleased as it would diminish the confidence of Sheamus heading into your matchup this Monday on Catastrophe. Right?

Val stares blankly at Theo and puts his focus back on the match. Sheamus pulls himself up and Neely charges him again. Sheamus counters and nails Neely with a knee into the sternum. Sheamus grabs Neely and throws him into the corner and hits him with consecutive shoulder rams right into the ribcage. Sheamus taunts the fans as Doan checks if Neely is alright. Sheamus moves the official out of the way and whips Neely across the ring into the opposite corner. Sheamus follows suite and nails Neely with a big splash. Neely falls to the mat as Sheamus again mocks the crowd. Sheamus heads over to the ropes and yells at Venis.

Venis-If you want a piece of me now Sheamus bring it on. I’m always ready for a fight.

Theo-Looks like we could get a preview of Monday night right now. Big Val is ready for our oversized leprechaun.

Sheamus starts to go out, but backs out when Val leaves his seat. Neely is just about up to his feet when Sheamus charges him and nails him with a huge bicycle kick.

Theo-Could it be, deep to left that head is OUTTA HERE!!! Home run by Sheamus “buy me a tanning bed” O’Shaunessy.

Venis-Would you shut up and take this job seriously. By God you sound like a ten year old child. No wonder we try and keep you to just running the website.

Theo-Says the guy that stars in porn for a living. What is with the attitude Val? You use to be the cat’s meow. Now you are just a cranky old man. You worried Lucky is gonna smash your skull in with that wicked bicycle kick?

Val-I’m sorry Theo, I just need to focus on this match. The match on Monday is my chance to get back towards the top of the mountain in the wrestling world.

Back to the action as Neely fights out of a Sheamus headlock. Neely charges the ropes and takes down Sheamus with a shoulder block, followed by an elbow drop to Sheamus while he was down on the mat. Neely goes for the cover.

1…
2.
KICK OUT!

Bam lifts Sheamus up and goes for the Full Nelson Slam, but Sheamus nails Neely with an elbow shot right in the eye. Neely holds his eye and Sheamus blindsides him with yet another bicycle kick. Neely falls to the mat and Sheamus yells at the fans and gets a considerable amount of heat. Sheamus heads over to Neely and lifts him up for the Celtic Cross. Sheamus runs and throws Neely off and he crashes to the mat. Sheamus crawls to Neely and makes the cover.

1…
2…
3!

Doan rings the bell as Sheamus celebrates the victory.

Roberts-The winner of the match, by pinfall…SHEAMUS!

Theo-A dominating performance from the Celtic Warrior as he takes down Bam Neely here on the second edition of our webisode. Of course I’m Theo Mays and a big thanks to Val Venis for joining me tonight…

Sheamus heads over to the announce table and him and Val exchange words. Sheamus turns to leave, but he comes back and nails Val with the bicycle kick and knocks him right into the barrier. Sheamus climbs up on the announce table.

Theo-What a wicked and unnecessary kick from our residential Irish-man. Sheamus looks to have the one up on the Big Valbowski. I’m not even sure Val will be able to compete on Monday night. Lets get some medical staff out here for Big Val.

The webshow ends with Sheamus standing tall on the announce table while Theo Mays and the medical staff help Val Venis out.