Goodwill vs. Inappropriateness

[Phoenix]

As Christmas draws near, it comes the time where there's the natural case of giving gifts to those you know. But with a few recent events that some friends had, one most recent is my close mate who was good friends with his ex despite her abusing him like a tool. He normally gets her an advent calendar each year, even after they split up, just as a reminder that he's always there as a friend. This year saw something different because she started dating another guy, and despite the new bf, she still comes to my mate for things because her bf doesn't have a job and goes back to the tool thing mentioned earlier. So he gets the calendar like normal and is questioned about it when he does it normally, being told that it was inappropriate, boyfriend getting pissed, when he was just simply being the friend he normally is, not to mention his ex has had a number of shit things occur. So in my stance of my friend, to me, he was acting in goodwill because he didn't care about situations that have come up, he was simply being a friend who cares and hasn't forgotten about her troubles despite the problem she puts up with him, not to mention that her boyfriend seems to get extremely jealous over small matters.

So in the situation of my friend, would you agree he was acting in goodwill or acting inappropriately?

As said, I believe he was acting in goodwill because he was continuing something that he did already and given how his ex uses him, I don't see why it should be a problem. While no doubt there can be lines of inappropriateness seen, is it his fault or his ex's?

 

[People's Champ]

I agree that this was done in goodwill. Its something your friend has done for her despite their relationship status. I see nothing wrong. Your friend sounds like he has a good heart and wouldn't turn down a friend in need.

If the boyfriend has a problem, it should be with his girlfriend. She's turning to her ex even though she probably knows her boyfriend won't approve. I would say that in the future, however, your friend might consider not giving it to her. It would help avoid problems between him and the boyfriend and his friend and her boyfriend. Now that he knows issues come from this, it would be best if he just didn't do it. But as far as this instance goes, I see it as an act of goodwill.

 

[RockFan89]

I agree with People's Champ, this is more the girl's fault instead of your friend who is just being nice.

However, I do think this brings up a broader issue of whether men and women can truly be friends. I think if both people are single, then there is no issue, but as soon as one of them starts getting into a serious relationship, the other should just back away. Guys should respect the boyfriends of their friends and not be constantly talking with them, texting them, giving them lavish gifts, etc.

But in your situation, I don't think your friend did anything wrong, but I would suggest he stop giving her gifts as long as she is with someone else.

 

[Ultra Awesome]

Goodwill, definitely. The guy in my opinion, was doing nothing wrong. Considering the fact that he had already been previously been acting out of goodwill by getting her gifts even after they had broken up, that shows the guy is only doing what he traditionally does. He’s not doing it to get the guy jealous---he’s just being what he was all this time---a good friend. And if he’s given his ex a present years past, there should be no reason not to give it to her now.

With that said, I could see why this could also be considered inappropriate. The chick has a boyfriend. And generally speaking, everyone gets jealous from time to time; And this is no exception. If you look at it from the boyfriend’s point of view---if you were in his shoes, you wouldn’t want another guy giving your girlfriend give you a present. Sure you can say that you wouldn’t be jealous about it, but even still, you would not feel so comfortable with that happening.

But since it’s pretty clear that the guy was only acting out of goodwill, I think that there shouldn’t be any *tension* in the situation that has occurred. The guy, as previously stated, was only being the friend that he normally was. So there really is no reason for the boyfriend to get pissed or upset about this.

Though, if I may, I’d like to give my opinion on your friend being used as a tool. I think that your friend should stop being friends with his ex. I mean, it’s clear that she is only using him. She still comes to him for favors, yet it doesn’t seem to me that she is very appreciative about it. So really, if she’s being a bitch, your friend shouldn’t keep being friends with her. No one deserves to be treated as a tool, and your friend is no exception.