For no fucking reason. I attempted to write a poem

[Milkyway!]

I have no clue why either. But you guys wanna hear it? Probably not. But who cares? Tis about love, I'd like some feedback, a friend once told me I was pretty good at these. But I think she was just flattered that I'd write her one when she asked. This is based upon a true story.

Today my cellular device rang
As I opened it and said "Hey mang"
A familure voice then sang
I was about to hangup, until

"I'm sorry" She proclaimed
I then replied "Bitch fuck you" as I hang up.

Pretty good? Huh? Okay that was completely pointless. I miss the barroom . Whats up everyone?

I'd like someone like FTS, NorCal, IC, or KB to give me some feedback on my work recently if you guys wouldn't mind. I always feel somethings missing, yet I don't really know. Maybe you can help a bit?

 

[1C3-M4N]

you should try a haiku next.

 

[Milkyway!]

I like pies a lot
They are the best when cherrie
This haiku sucks bad

spring pwns awesomely
Don't let that summer fool you
Spring is preaty and cool!


(Better?)

 

[Mighty NorCal]

I have no clue why either. But you guys wanna hear it? Probably not. But who cares? Tis about love, I'd like some feedback, a friend once told me I was pretty good at these. But I think she was just flattered that I'd write her one when she asked. This is based upon a true story.

Today my cellular device rang
As I opened it and said "Hey mang"
A familure voice then sang
I was about to hangup, until

"I'm sorry" She proclaimed
I then replied "Bitch fuck you" as I hang up.

Pretty good? Huh? Okay that was completely pointless. I miss the barroom . Whats up everyone?

I'd like someone like FTS, NorCal, IC, or KB to give me some feedback on my work recently if you guys wouldn't mind. I always feel somethings missing, yet I don't really know. Maybe you can help a bit?

its good for a 15 year old. Ill say that.

 

[Milkyway!]

Anything that would make it better? :\ I really wanna be able to debate with the likes of Shocky, Will, IC, KB, Sly, and Yourself fairly soon. Without looking like a ******. So the more critical you get, the better!

 

[SavageTaker]

Well if you support Austin in the tourny you can debate Will...and me...and whoever else supports Edge.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Tyler Durden.

 

[Milkyway!]

I'm working on an arguement to actually support edge right now ST. Hopefully I can just introduce it, and Will, will run with it in ways I cant.


Oh Sam, what fond memories you've just flown through my brain. Fight Club is easily the best movie made in the 90's. If anyone has anything better, I'd like to know so I can watch it.

 

[Murfish]

Poems don't have to rhyme.

 

[Cowboyfromhell]

Milkyway!!! - I don't really know you yet but I went to college for mass communications/print journalism. So I had roughly 300 creative writing and literature classes.
The Scarlet Murfish is correct, poems don't have to rhyme. But if you do rhyme, the poem should be consistent, rhyming throughout. Don't mix up your style half way through.
A big part of poetry is symbolism, which honestly I struggled with. For example you just don't write "she has green eyes", you write something like "she looked at me with eyes like rolling hills". Stuff like that.
Another part is that you can't be afraid to write things that aren't the other people don't like. You can't write to please other people. Now if you write something you are not thrilled with, don't be afraid to take suggestions from you editors or friends or whoever, but it's your piece so only make changes you feel comfortable with.
Hope this helped a little.

 

[X]

Just...just awful.

 

[The Love Song Writer]

As someone whos made money writing songs and poems. I can tell you they don't HAVE to rhyme, but they do however HAVE to make sense. I say take a couple Creative Writing classes before you finish High School, they'll help you tons. I guarantee.

 

[48.7 is Approximately 49 Times Better Than You]

You're posting is decent, Milk. The key to it getting better is... aging. As you mature, your writing becomes better, you become more knowledgeable of wrestling, of everything, are more well-read and have an expanded vocabulary. Everything about your posting gets better with age. Have a look at Shocky. I consider him to be the best poster on this forum. He's 28, I think.

 

[X]

I've had a few poems of mine published as well and let me tell you if you're actually serious about writing poetry and not just screwing around, you should always start off stream-of-conciousness. If you sit there staring a piece of paper trying too hard to think of something clever, it definately won't come. Stream of conciousness on the other hand can bring out some really brilliant stuff when you don't filter your thoughts.

 

[The Love Song Writer]

That's precisely it xfearbefore. Flow is the most important thing when writing poetry, and alot of time that best flow is in one unfiltered sit down

 

[Ty Burna]

I've had a few poems of mine published as well and let me tell you if you're actually serious about writing poetry and not just screwing around, you should always start off stream-of-conciousness. If you sit there staring a piece of paper trying too hard to think of something clever, it definately won't come. Stream of conciousness on the other hand can bring out some really brilliant stuff when you don't filter your thoughts.

Very true X, I've been writing poetry for quite a number of years now, I've had a couple published as well about 6 years ago. I wish I had copies of some of the old stuff I wrote down, but nowadays I write rhymes and lyrics down more than anything. However I use the same method as I did with poetry, stream of consciousness. Hell actually all of my writing has been that way and it's worked great for me. I see it as a better form for creative writing because it allows your creative juices to flow without letting your logic interfering. I still have work to do on my lyric writing as it pertains to actually putting it to a beat, but overall I try to put as much visual and emotional aspects into my lyrics.

 

[Milkyway!]

The poem wasn't actually serious Xfear. Twas just a way to get to post in the bar again. This shall be the only Bar Room thread I post in. Well, unless it dies. Then I'm just gonna cry and move one

 

[Mighty NorCal]

I've had a few poems of mine published as well and let me tell you if you're actually serious about writing poetry and not just screwing around, you should always start off stream-of-conciousness. If you sit there staring a piece of paper trying too hard to think of something clever, it definately won't come. Stream of conciousness on the other hand can bring out some really brilliant stuff when you don't filter your thoughts.

totally true. Ive had a poem published, and it took me about 12 minutes to write. The ending lines and the train of thought just hit me, and away I went.

 

[FromTheSouth]

I have no clue why either. But you guys wanna hear it? Probably not. But who cares? Tis about love, I'd like some feedback, a friend once told me I was pretty good at these. But I think she was just flattered that I'd write her one when she asked. This is based upon a true story.

Today my cellular device rang
As I opened it and said "Hey mang"
A familure voice then sang
I was about to hangup, until

"I'm sorry" She proclaimed
I then replied "Bitch fuck you" as I hang up.

Pretty good? Huh? Okay that was completely pointless. I miss the barroom . Whats up everyone?

I'd like someone like FTS, NorCal, IC, or KB to give me some feedback on my work recently if you guys wouldn't mind. I always feel somethings missing, yet I don't really know. Maybe you can help a bit?

It sounds like a Mike Jones song. I hate Mike Jones.


It takes balls to try, and for that, I respect you.

 

[Luther_Hull]

I always feel somethings missing, yet I don't really know. Maybe you can help a bit?

Brain cells.

 

[Milkyway!]

Brain cells.

Coming from you, I'm not offended!