The image stretched across the back of Carl's leather jacket with spikes. The specialized Skull's Angel's Death Agent waited two yards over with his machine off next to the sidewalk. And what a machine! A Cook's Custom Rambler low to the ground with skull designs on the red wheels and bone handle bars, the thing practically screamed bad ass. Carl leaned back on the white fender and lit a cigar. He was
Duran Blackburn's best man, his most trusted killer. He was a completely bald man in his 40's with old, faded tattoos crawling up his neck and stopping at his jaw. He watched his prey two yards over, enjoying the hot day and having a BBQ.....
"You're not worried Boss? Not even a little bit?" BigRoad asked his boss,
Remarkable Mark Keaton, who was tending to the hamburgers on the BBQ, burning them according to BigRoad's brain.
"Well of coarse I'm worried big man, but we just can't go around hiding. I lost at Kingdom Come and Duran Duran is coming to take my life, I get it. Bring it on." Mark flipped the burgers, causing flames to lick up from under the grill.
Big Bad Roady sat on the edge of the picnic table, the other end lifted off of the ground, he took a roll of paper towel and wiped his bald, sweaty head. He watched RMK continue to ruin the hamburgers on the BBQ.
"Well, I do have an idea boss, it's really OUT there but uhhh, I think we can manage it."
"Sock it to me meatball, I'm all up for ideas." Mark flipped a burger and it missed the grill and landed on the grass, he quickly picked it up with his hand, getting the ten second rule by at least 6 or 7 seconds, saving the burger.
"Well uh, there's this witch who lives....."
BigRoad's voice trailed off into the background, Mark's vision became blurred then all the color seemed to drain away, leaving black trees and gray grass. Even the birds chirping sounded like snakes clearing their throats.
I like the sound of that MARK! You can't keep me in these chains forever!!!!
"Whoa! Easy there Freddy Krueger!" Mark swung the spatula in the air, trying to fend off the scary voice. But everything returned to normal, the trees were brown, the grass green and the birds chirped normally. He shook his head.
"You alright Boss? Yer not crackin up on me now are ya?" BigRoad laughed.
"Naw, don't worry about it man, just one of those horse fly's, now tell me what your plan was again, hopefully this time there's no demonic voices that well up inside me." Mark flipped a pitch black burger, it rolled off the grill into the grass again.
"Well, after I kick Tony Mancini's ass and you Voltron Suplex Eve out of her boots, we'll head on a little trip up to Lake Temagamy. We'll have to find Old Man Greg out on his boat fishing somewhere and get his permissions and key to visit Witch Aneesha in her hidden cabin in the woods on one of the islands." BigRoad reached out and turned the heat off while Mark wasn't watching.
"What the hell are you talking about dude? This sounds like some half assed Zelda quest or something." Mark started plating the 8 hamburgers, they were all like hockey pucks.
He sat at the table, he took one burger and put it in a bun, he gave the other 7 to BigRoad.
BigRoad brushed off the grass from the burgers and started preparing some for himself,
"Trust me boss, this is the only way to get Duran Blackburn out of our lives, he's got us in his clutches as long as we live in Canada. Forever Mark, we'll never get away from this guy, now that he has his sights on us. I didn't even tell you what I went through before Kingdom Come, and what he put Vanessa through."
Mark's eyebrows raised,
"Um, how is she doing anyway? She umm, talk about me or anything lately?"
The gate closed across the yard causing both men to jump. Mark slapped his forehead and grumbled as
Johnny Klamor straightened his tie and strolled confidently across the yard with a camera woman in tow.
"How the hell did you find me Klamor? This address is private to the media, nobody knows about this place."
Johnny smiled as he picked up one of the pitch black burgers and gave it a disgusted look, he let it fall on the plate and it
tinked like a rock fell.
"Oh, I have my ways Mark. I have my ways. I'd like you to meet my new camerawoman, Clair Vinquist. She used to be one of those war journalists or something, I'm not sure, I wasn't really paying attention to what she was telling me, all I know is, she's the last camera-person in WZCW who is willing to work with me." The 20 year old brunette took off her Blue Jay's ball cap, smiled and offered her hand to Mark, he shook it. But BigRoad was in another time zone, he dropped his black burger and stood up, he brushed off pieces of bun and quickly shook her hand.
"Hello pretty lady, I'm uh, I'm Big Bad Roady, but you can call me Big Bad Roady. Uh.." BigRoad scratched the back of his head, Mark laughed and Klamor held his hand up as if to shield BigRoad away.
"Alright, settle down there horse, you sprayed sweat all over my brand-new 586 dollar sport jacket and tie."
Clair covered her mouth and laughed, BigRoad turned red from embarrassment and sat down, but he sat down too fast, breaking the wood on his side of the picnic table and falling to the ground. Clair continued to laugh and ran over to help BigRoad.
"Off to a great start," Klamor muttered, mostly to himself,
"Listen Mark, I'll make you a deal. Give me an interview and I promise I won't ask any tough questions, I'll let you guide the interview any way you want."
Mark tried to take a bite of his burger, but he couldn't bite through it.
"You see, for weeks, months even, nobody thinks of me to interview them. They go with Vanilla Leon Kensworth, so he's getting all the airtime, he's getting the big paychecks, the overtime, the columns, the .com articles, ect.ect.ect. What about Johnny Klamor? What about me? I'm still part of this company but nobody uses me in interviews. You're just about the only guy I can get an interview with, some of them haven't gone so well...."
"SOME of them? Ha ha ha!"
"Well, ALL of them, a bike chase interview, getting splashed with your Vis Imperium lawn sprinkler, then getting into a car accident off of a pier into the bay. But I'm determined to change that today, I brought Clair, a new attitude and I really believe I can get ONE interview off of you without some crazy antics happening."
Mark wiped his mouth, he brushed the bread crumbs off of his
AC/DC T-shirt and smirked,
"Go ahead Klamor, let's get this interview going before it gets any hotter out here today."
Klamor was pleased, he straightened his tie again and got Clair to set up the tri pod. BigRoad stood near Mark. The 452 pounder stared at Clair, with hearts in his eyes.
"Ladies and gentlemen of WZCW! I'm Johnny Klamor, LIVE from the house of Remarkable Mark Keaton with Big Bad Roady!"
"Wait a second! Live?!"
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Meanwhile.....At the Skull's Angel's Club.....
Duran Blackburn sat alone in his large rec office writing his vows on the back of a torn up cigarette case with a machete. One of his gang members busted in his office and got his attention....
"Boss! Turn on your T.V and put it on channel 10! Mark Keaton is on T.V getting interviewed at his house!"
Duran moved long strands of greasy hair from his face and picked up the T.V controller, he clicked a button and his LED screen came to life across the room. He smiled as Mark Keaton was dead center on his screen. He rubbed his thumb along the sharp blade of the machete as he watched the interview.
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Back in Keaton's Yard....
"You agreed to do it. Now, Mark first question, how are you preparing to deal with such a tough opponent next week when you square off against a wrestler who has been in the main event picture since Lethal Lottery?" Klamor held the mic a little too close to Mark's face.
"Listen, back up a little bit turkey. I'm worried about her, she's a dangerous opponent and there's no doubt that she'll be coming to avenge her loss at Kingdom Come against me, but you see dude, I'm doing the exact same thing. I lost my Kingdom Come streak to Live Mas so I have something to be pissed off about too. So she better not take me lightly or she'll be getting Voltron Suplexed to the canvas! Ain't that right BigRoad?!"
"Damn straight boss!" The big man clapped Mark on the back hard.
"You two have faced off before in a one on one contest and you walked away the loser. How do you .....can you PLEASE stop eating for a second while we're doing this?"
"Ha ha! Come on Klamor! I'm hungry and you caught me right after making burgers, got to eat these suckers while they're still hot!"
"I don't think -hot- is the problem, you could play hockey with those discs....."
The hamburger exploded in Mark's hand! Pieces of it fell everywhere! Clair let out an audible gasp and everyone looked around quickly, BigRoad grabbed Mark's shoulder in a panic. They spotted him, clear across the yard, Carl jumped back out of sight from the top of a fence, the glint of a scope flashing for a second as he dropped down.
"RUN!" Big Bad Roady roared like a grizzly bear causing Klamor to punch himself in the face with the mic, bloodying his nose. Clair kicked over the pod and grabbed the camera, BigRoad shielded Mark as they ran across the yard away from the assassin. A piece of fence broke away behind them, a machine gun opened fire! They ran as fast as they could as pieces of grass spit up all around them, Clair capturing it all on camera as they ran. BigRoad charged ahead of everyone and bodychecked a fence, causing all the boards for five feet around to explode from his force, they followed him closely.
The rumble of a Carl's motorcycle could be heard in the background as Klamor wiped his bloody nose on his half expensive sport coat.
"You alright Klamor?! Don't stop rolling Clair, we might as well continue the interview while we run for our lives!" Mark let out a big laugh as he jumped over a bunch of kids toys in a yard. Clair turned her camera back to Johnny, he shrugged and let out a quick breath while trying to keep up with them.
"Like I was saying, Eve Taylor is reinvented, she's always a top contender in every event, how do you plan to take her down on Ascension?"
"Well, for once Johnny, it's time for RMK to rise up! It's time to make Canada proud of me again! I want a win so bad against her that....
Carl ramped in the yard behind them making a thunderous noise with his motorbike while firing a machine gun!
"Hold that thought Johnny! Guy's go along the hedge between the houses! There's no room for his bike there!"
They squeezed along a tight space, the motorbike cruised past them from behind and crashed through another fence creating a loud racket.
"Ahhhh!!! Owwww!!! Oh god COME ON!! This isn't happening!!! Owwwww!!!! Get it off!!! Get it offfff!!!!!" Klamor screamed as they made it to the lawn in front of a run down looking house,Klamor swung left and right with a little black Boston Terrier firmly clamped down on his ass!
"Hold still Mr. Klamor! I'll get him off, here little puppy, come on, let go of Johnny's ass." BigRoad tried to haul the little dog off of Klamor's butt and it wouldn't let go.
There was a loud screech down the street as a car was cut off and crashed into a bus stop, the thunderous roar of Carl's motorcycle came towards them at an alarming rate....
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Toronto News at 7 .....
"Ladies and gentlemen, top story tonight, a LIVE bike chase down in the sub division of Toronto, we have a live look at it from our Eye in the Sky Chad Rickwich, Chad, what's going on down there?"
Camera switch to inside a News Chopper, "
You're right Stan, we seem to have some gang activity or some kind of motorocycle chase through the peaceful community of Prince Estates, we'll try to track it the best we can....."
"Wait now Chad, I'm getting word there's a LIVE broadcast of these events unfolding now...can we get that feed Mary?"
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Back to Clair's Live broadcast.....
"Maybe you can cut the feed Clair, I don't want..." Klamor was interrupted by BigRoad grabbing his arm and pulling him across the street, they ran to the front of a light blue house, Carl was almost on them now and the Boston Terrier let go of Klamor's ass, he was just missed getting run over by Carl. Mark booted the front door open and they ran inside.
"What the hell is this?!" Mark yelled as they ran into a living room full of teen boys dressed like women, they all had fancy designer clothes on and Eve Taylor merchandise everywhere.
"This is the Eve Taylor Fan Club bitch, now make like a canary and fly away!" One of the overly feminine boys stood up and snapped his fingers and swiveled his head in a diva-like way.
"Ya," Said another confused boy,
"We're deciding on Eve's next entrance music..."
"So is she, we must be one the 15th one since last season!"
The door frame exploded as Carl smashed his way into the house with his motorcycle, letting loose his machine gun. Mark pushed the Eve Taylor fans out of the way as bullets exploded all over the room, destroying Eve Taylor's merchandise and posters.
BigRoad grabbed the front wheel, he suplexed the motorcycle over his head and down a flight of stairs, crashing right through the stairs, crushing and injuring Carl in the process.
"You....you saved our lives Mark! Screw Eye Taylor! ALL HAIL RMK!!!" The converted Eve Taylor fans started chanting like Ewok's in
The Return of the Jedi.
"Alright Klamor, to conclude this interview. You see, we have our problems in real life, we have our problems in the wrestling world as well. For me, Remarkable Mark Keaton, it was putting effort in the gym, working on my promo's with BigRoad, he's really sick of my promo's now man, you wouldn't believe. It was believing in myself, now Eve Taylor, with her new entrance music, has turned to the dark side. I'm going to take a wild guess and say by this time next month....she'll have new entrance music again. We're getting real confused at who's coming out now. Anyway, for all my Canadian fans out there, I will defeat her, I will make her see why Canada has chosen ME as it's new hope, it's new hero. Once Big Bad Roady beats Tony Mancini and I drop Eve Taylor like a bad habit, we'll go on our quest to see the witch of Lake Tomahamahega....or whatever that damn lake's name is."
Mark grabbed the camera and moved it closer to his face....
"I'm ready to fight Eve, you will be broken and beaten and LAY AT THE FEET.................of REMARKABLE MARK KEATON!"