Stan Rogers
A Day To Be Thankful
Stan Rogers enters one of the changing rooms backstage at a WZCW live event with his friend and agent,
Alex Brigstocke. The room itself is strangely empty save for a few steel chairs lying around. Rogers is in his ring gear (with his signature towel around his neck), having just been in a match. Similarly, Brigstocke is in his usual clothing of a light blue shirt and dark trousers.
"I thought they didnt celebrate Thanksgiving in England. Or do they? Is it one those things you do half-assed, like Halloween? Or wars?"
"No we dont."
"Oh, it must be the British then."
"Same thing, Stan."
"Really?"
"Well, not exactly but I'm not going to get into the make-up of the United Kingdom for you. So, yes, really."
"So you dont know squat about our great American tradition?"
"Ive been in the old US of A long enough to know what to on the... um... is it third Thursday of November?"
"Fourth."
"Exactly. We eat turkey, play American Football and watch something called a parade."
"You dont know what a parade is, son? Youre missing out."
"Im sure."
"What the hell is this?"
Rogers picks up a DVD off of one of the beech benches that follows the wall all the way around the room.
Thats the WZCWs Greatest Stars DVD. It just came out this week.
"D... V... D?"
"A DVD is like, um... its like a, well, its like a videotape."
"So its a talkie, right?"
"Um, yeah. A talkie. Its about the greatest stars in the company with some of their best matches on it."
"So how many of mine are on there?"
"Your... matches?"
"What the hell dya think Im talking about, son?"
"Youve had ten matches."
"Yeah, so how many made it on to the talkie?"
Before, his agent has the chance to reply to the undeniably idiotic question posed to him,
Leon Kensworth enters the room, with a cameraman in tow.
"Hi, Stan. Sorry to interrupt, but can you film something for the upcoming show?"
"About what?"
"Well, about Showtime Cougar, I guess. He is your opponent on Ascension this coming week."
"Alright, son. Sit down and listen."
"OK, Showtime... Showtime... RIGHT! I got something. We good? We rolling?"
The young, bearded camera man dressed in casual clothes of jeans and a dark blue shirt indicates that he is rolling by using the universal hand signal for OK.
"In October, you celebrated Thanksgiving, Cougar. But thats because youre Canadian and you guys do everything wrong. I mean, whats with all the French? And dont get me started on your cops, son. They ride horses! What the hell is that?"
Rogers sees his agent motion for him to move along with the promo.
"Um, but, here in America, its Thanksgiving this Thursday. And what is Thanksgiving? Let me tell ya, son. Its the day of giving."
"Whoa, Stan. I may be British, but even I know it the day to be thankful."
"What? You sure?"
"Unless someones been editing the Wikipedia article on Thanksgiving, Im sure."
"But I was gonna do a thing on how I was gonna give him a holiday ass-whipping!"
"Surely you can still use that but make it about being thankful?"
"Fine, gimme a moment, son."
Stan thinks quietly for what seems like hours. In actual fact, its about two minutes, which is still a long time for someone to think about what to say.
"How about this - we rolling, son?"
The cameraman once again signals the OK sign with his index finger and thumb.
"Alright. Thanksgiving, is the day to be thankful, Cougar. So Im a gonna tell you what Im thankful for. About? No, for. Its for. Im thankful for the fact that youre not here right now. Because you know that if you were, Id be kicking your ass nine ways to Sunday and thats a problem because Poindexter with the microphone here, he doesnt like violence."
Rogers picks up the WZCWs Greatest Stars DVD from the bench.
"You see this? Its called a DVD. Now, I dont know how it works. Or what DVD stands for. But I do know that youre on here. Look, youre right there next to the World Champion and the wizard boy. Several of your matches are on here, too. But does that make you a true great? Bullshit it does. Youre not great. Youre a snake. Youre a liar. Youre a fraud. Last week, I had that tall kid down for the count, and what did you do? You stole the pin. You wanted the glory, and thats fine. But if you want to steal the spotlight again, youre gonna have to go through me first."
"OK, sorry to interject again, Stan, but can you sound a little less... yknow..."
"Im not following ya, son."
"A little less, um, self-centred? Maybe."
"Are you telling me how to cut a promo, kid?"
"Of course not, Stan. Carry on."
"Right, where were we? Oh yeah, I was talking about how Cougars a jackass."
Rogers pauses for a moment, trying to get back into the zone.
"On Ascension. It is Ascension, right, and not the other one? Yeah, on Ascension, well face off for the first time ever. Rogers. Cougar. In the squared circle. Ive powerbombed you before, asshole, and I wanna do it again. But more importantly, every WZCW fan wants to see me to do it again. And again. And if Ive got time, again. Ya see, once again your mouth has been writing checks your ass cant cash. And at Ascension, its payback."
A couple of seconds of silence takes place before the cameraman indicates that the promo is over.
"Excellent stuff, Stan. I loved the Top Gun reference at the end."
"Top Gun? What the hells a Top Gun?"