I scrolled through the webpage that I'd heard them snickering about backstage the other day. Wrestlingsector.com. A place for the unwashed masses, the idiots, and the armchair bookers to rant and rave about every little thing they thought about wrestling and how awful it was these days. What a joke. Their little pictures were just a pathetic, misguided attempt to make themselves feel better about themselves. At the end of the day, I was the superstar. I was the one on top. I was the one they all paid to see. They were absolutely nothing.
So why the hell did their stupid pictures piss me off so much?
There were a dozen like them, the same picture of me over and over, trivializing every single thing I'd been talking about for months. It shouldn't bother me at all - what did it matter what they thought? But it did. In some way, it didn't matter what they thought when they were thinking they hated me, they feared me, that I was a bad person. But now that I was a joke? That gnawed at me. That ate away at me. That was ripping me apart.
Their eyes were closed. How the hell did they not see it? Ty Burna was obviously among us, and he had obviously made me a target. And all the signs were there that he was hiding in plain sight, walking around the company under everyone's nose in the guise of El Califa.
That was the joke. That no one but me saw it. I should be laughing at all of them.
But I wasn't, and they were laughing at me.
"You know, that is kind of funny," said Stoya from behind me. I turned a bit to see her leaning over my shoulder to look at the screen, standing behind the couch where I was sitting with my laptop. She had sneaked up on me.
"No, it isn't," I replied stonily. I could almost feel her roll her eyes before climbing over the back of the couch to sit next to me. She put her head on my shoulder and kept looking as I scrolled.
I shook my head in disgust.
"Still think it's pretty funny?" I asked.
Stoya made a disapproving noise.
"No. I don't. Where do they get off?"
"Their parents' basements, most likely."
I saw her lips turn upward in a smile that I returned. With that last, terrible meme, I closed the laptop and set it on the table.
We sat in silence for a few moments, before I asked her the question I knew I had to.
"Do you believe me?" My voice was emotionless, which took a great deal of concentration. I was terrified of the answer.
About what? she replied.
You know about what.
Ty?
Obviously.
Honestly?
Honestly.
I dont see all the pieces of the puzzle like you do, Drake. Theres connections there, patterns I just dont understand. You say a lot of things, and honestly? No, sometimes I just dont get it. Sometimes I dont believe you.
She let that hang between us for a few moments. I didnt know what to say. It took me some time to work up the words.
So thats it? You think Im crazy, too? You think Im just a joke, like all of them?
She thought about it for a minute.
No. I dont have all the experience you do. Ive never even see Ty outside of video footage. Youve wrestled him. You know him. You know how he thinks, what he would do. I believe that you know him, and I believe that you really believe what youre saying. I believe that you believe.
I scoffed.
So thats supposed to make me feel better? I believe that you believe? You might as well just say Im crazy, but you take pity on me.
She sat up and glared at me. There was the characteristic fire in her eyes.
That is not what I said. Let me finish. I believe that you believe. I dont see the logic. I dont see the reasoning. But I dont have to. Because I know one thing about you, Drake, and that is that you are honest. You are more honest than any other man I have ever met. Ive watched you tell a woman who loved you that you hated her and never wanted to see her again, just because it was the truth. If theres one thing I will always believe in, Drake, its that you will tell me the truth. And if you say that El Califa is Ty
I believe you. I believe you because you believe you. She shrugged, that slight little motion of her shoulders that I could never understand why I loved so much.
I believe in you. I have faith.
She leaned back onto my shoulder and let that sink in.
Maybe nobody else believed in me. The whole world was mocking me. My peers thought I was a joke. Management thought I was a crackpot conspiracy theorist. I was losing left and right, and I knew full well I was sliding right down the card. I lost to the kind of man I once spat on as a dog. Everything else was falling apart.
But she believed in me. It wasnt enough. It would never be enough. It wouldnt be enough until I was the WZCW Champion and I stood atop a mountain of defeated foes.
But for now, it would do.
-----
This is not a matter of identity.
I stood alone in a room with a single spotlight shining on me. There was a dozen cameras lurking in the shadows, filming my every my every move. I knew they were there, but existed in a state of awareness beyond them.
I repeat this is not a matter of identity, Ty. This is a matter of faith.
I looked up into the spotlight until it hurt my eyes. It was good. It felt good to be burned by the light. It was a reminder that I was right.
A lot of people dont remember this about me. I dont even think about it often. But before I was a conspiracy theorist, before I was a champion, before I was everyones favorite midcarder
before I was put in a casket, before I was a drunk, before my first match in WZCW
I was a preacher. I didnt preach about the God outside, but about the god we all had inside us. A spirit that was just waiting to embrace the world and become one with it. A spirit that could only be let out if you partied, and drank, and filled yourself up with the world.
I shook my head and smirked a little bit.
I was a fool. And yet, in some ways, I was right. Theres a spirit in each and every one of us. And as idiotic as it was to think that the only way to be happy, to be one with yourself, and to let it be free was to be drunk, I wasnt wrong about the existence of a spirit. If I believe in nothing else, Ty, I believe in the existence of a soul. Some are pure as the driven snow; some are black as the darkest night. I know exactly which kind mine is, and I know exactly which kind yours is, and I will assure you, neither of them are anywhere close to white.
I pointed in no particular direction. I knew it would find Ty, one way or another.
And that, above all else, is how I know who you are. I can see right through you. You wear a mask, and you speak Spanish, and you lie, and you pretend, but I know you. In some ways, I knew it from the moment I saw you in that costume. It just took me a while to realize it. I know you because your heart is black, and your soul is weak. And thats the difference between you and me. The difference, Ty, is faith. Both of us have done awful, unspeakable things. Weve hurt people that loved us. Weve thrown everything weve ever had to the wind in the pursuit of a singular goal to be the best. To be a world champion. To sit atop WZCW as its king. Weve both been there, and weve both fallen. But you have no faith. You are weak, and you fled. You hid behind a mask and pretended to be someone else. And now that Ive found you out, you refuse to admit it. Youre going to carry this with you until your dying day if left to your own devices, and its because you believe in nothing. But I do. I believe in one thing above all else, Ty. I believe that I am better. I dont mean to say that Im a good person. Im not. But I am stronger. I am faster. I am smarter. I am more ruthless, I am more vicious, I am more indomitable than every one of the rest of them. I have faltered, and I have fallen, but I have never been put down. While you hide and cower and pretend to be someone else, too timid to accept your failures and carry on, I have never changed who I am. This is my name, this is my face. I will never make an apology for it.
I inhaled; I exhaled. I believed in this. It was just a matter of making sure Ty knew it.
So enjoy the last few days you have left before All or Nothing, Ty. And take one piece of advice from me, on how you can best me if you want to. Pray. Find a God and pray to him with everything youve got, because the only way you can counter my faith in myself is with a faith that I cannot overcome. I doubt youll find it, but Im giving you this chance to try. Kneel down in the nearest church you can find and say every prayer you can think of. Your only other alternative is to finally find the faith in yourself to strip off your mask and face me like a man. If you can find the courage in yourself to do that, you just might have a chance. But you wont. I know you wont. You just dont have what it takes. And in the end, that is what will separate us. Its why I will stand above you at All or Nothing, and you will go back to wallowing in misery.
I closed my eyes. It was almost over.
Faith activates God. Fear activates the enemy. So listen to my advice, Ty, because my faith will bring out the god in me; your fear will only enrage him further. You cant change my faith in myself; but maybe you can save yourself and try to best me. Im giving you this last opportunity to help yourself while you still can.
I opened my eyes.
I know you wont, of course. I know youll come to me just as you are. God has given you one face, and you make yourself another. You will bring to me a false face, and I will strike you down with the righteousness of my blackened soul.