A Look Ahead To Horror and Cult Film in 2014

[Cena's Little Helper]

So we only have about 3 1/2 weeks left in 2013. Why not take a look at what horror and cult films we have to look forward to in the new year?!!! Here are the relevant films from Sundance's Midnight lineup. Any other films you know of, please post about them in here so we can discuss!:

The Babadook / Australia (Director & Screenwriter: Jennifer Kent) — A single mother, plagued by the violent death of her husband, battles with her son's fear of a monster lurking in the house, but soon discovers a sinister presence all around her. Cast: Essie Davis, Noah Wiseman, Daniel Henshall, Hayley McElhinney, Barbara West, Ben Winspear.

90% Probability of Shittiness: No trailer for this one yet, very few stills, and it was funded through kickstarter. Furthermore, a no name actress-turned-director whose resume gives her very little credibility. This will definitely be one of the first horror films from Sundance on "Before Theaters" VOD and you'll have to pay at least $9.99 to see it. Unless it's hailed as a horror masterpiece by several reputable horror sites, I will only see this film if it's available through file sharing.

Cooties / U.S.A. (Directors: Jonathan Millott, Cary Murnion, Screenwriters: Leigh Whannell, Ian Brennan) — A mysterious virus hits an isolated elementary school and transforms the students into a feral swarm of mass savages; then an unlikely hero must lead a motley band of teachers in the fight of their lives. Cast: Elijah Wood, Rainn Wilson, Alison Pill, Jack McBrayer, Leigh Whannell, Nasim Pedrad.

50% Probability of Shittiness: Again, no trailer and very few film stills. However, Elijah Wood was great in Maniac and this gives me hope for his future involvement in the horror genre. The presence of Jack McBrayer does scare me, though.

Dead Snow: Red vs. Dead / Norway (Director: Tommy Wirkola, Screenwriters: Tommy Wirkola, Stig Frode Henriksen, Vegar Hoel) — The gruesome Nazi Zombies are back to finish their mission, but our hero is not willing to die. He is gathering his own army to give them a final fight. Cast: Vegar Hoel, Stig Frode Henriksen, Martin Starr, Ørjan Gamst, Monica Haas, Jocelyn DeBoer.

100% Probability of Shittiness: Besides directing the horrendous first installment of Dead Snow, Wirkola also directed the abominable Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters. No trailers yet, but plenty of stills. From the look of things, this one will be just as not-in-a-good-way-awful as its predecessor.

The Guest / U.S.A. (Director: Adam Wingard, Screenwriter: Simon Barrett) — A soldier on leave befriends the family of a fallen comrade. He soon becomes a threat to everyone around him when it's revealed he's not who he says he is. Cast: Dan Stevens, Maika Monroe, Leland Orser, Lance Reddick, Chase Williamson, Brendan Meyer.

Indeterminable Probability of Shittiness: This is from the guy who did You're Next. Though I did not get the chance to catch You're Next in theaters, it got very good reviews. However, I either absolutely love or hate critically acclaimed horror films. I'll be able to say more about this one when I watch Wingard's previous effort.

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Killers / Japan, Indonesia (Directors: The Mo Brothers, Screenwriters: Timo Tjahjanto, Takuji Ushiyama) — Two serial killers post their violent crimes online in a psychotic battle for notoriety. It soon becomes clear that they will square off with one another face to face. Cast: Kazuki Kitamura, Oka Antara, Rin Takanashi, Luna Maya, Ray Sahetapy.

15% Probability of Shittiness: Timo Tjahjanto, one-half of The Mo Brothers, co-directed The Safe Haven segment of V/H/S 2. The Mo Brothers also directed a little gem of a sickie known as Macabre. The trailer for this one looks off the hook, and, even if this films turns out to be a pile of crap, my mancrush on Tjahjanto will still cause me to downplay how awful it really is.

The Signal / U.S.A. (Director: William Eubank, Screenwriters: William Eubank, Carlyle Eubank, David Frigerio) — Three college students disappear under mysterious circumstances while tracking a computer hacker through the Southwest. Cast: Laurence Fishburne, Brenton Thwaites, Olivia Cooke, Beau Knapp.

99.9% Probability of Shittiness: Eubank directed some mediocre Gravity-like film called Love in 2011 and served as cinematographer on shitty action vehicles starring Batista and 50 Cent. No trailer + No Stills + Shit Previous Efforts = Practically Guaranteed Piece of Shit at Sundance

Link to Oversized Still
What We Do in the Shadows / New Zealand, U.S.A. (Directors and screenwriters: Taika Waititi, Jemaine Clement) — This mockumentary follows the struggles of a group of New Zealand–based vampires to understand modern society and adapt to the ever-changing world around them. Cast: Jemaine Clement, Taika Waititi, Jonny Brugh, Cori Gonzales-Macuer, Stu Rutherford.

90% Probability of Shittiness: Sounds about as appealing as a papercit between my fingers. A concept that has been done to death. This should have a 99.9% probability of shittiness, but I like the still of the vampire.

 

[Mitch Henessey]

I agree with the 100% Probability of Shittiness for the Dead Snow sequel. The original Dead Snow was too sloppy, and they used the Nazi element to cover up a tired formula we've all seen too many times before. A shame, because Dead Snow had the potential to be something unique, but it's just another forgettable gore fest.

Some of my picks...

Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero (Director: Kaare Andrews, Screenwriter: Jake Wade Wall)- When a cruise ship in the Caribbean collides with an abandoned research vessel, a deadly virus is unleashed. Passengers must find a way to survive before the flesh eating disease consumes them all.

98% Probability of Shittiness: I would post the trailer here, but I think it's a bit too racy in certain parts. It's on YouTube, if you're curious.

Anyway, I enjoyed Cabin Fever, and I didn't have a big problem with Ti West's sequel, but the trailer for Patient Zero is just atrocious. They're following the timeless formula of luring horror fans to a DVD (or Blu-Ray) rental/purchase (Patient Zero will be a straight-to-video release in the US) by using the brand the name, so they can sucker you into wasting time with an unnecessary sequel with poor production values, a mediocre cast, and an inept screenplay.

And to make matters worse, Jake Wade Wall is writing the screenplay. If you don't know, he's one of the writers, who helped with the screenplay for that god awful Hitcher (2007) remake. Kaare Andrews directed the "V is for Vagitus" short in The ABCs Of Death., but I barely remember it.

I'll probably give Patient Zero a try at some point, but I'm not wasting any money on a RedBox rental or any VOD services.

Wolf Creek 2- (Director: Greg Mclean, Writers: Greg Mclean, Aaron Sterns

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Lured by the promise of an Australian holiday, backpackers Rutger, Katarina, and Paul visit the notorious Wolf Creek Crater. Their dream Outback adventure soon becomes a horrific reality when they encounter the site’s most infamous local, the last man any traveler to the region ever wants to meet; Mick Taylor (John Jarratt). As the backpackers flee, Mick pursues them on an epic white knuckled rampage across hostile wasteland. Only one will remain to be dragged back to his lair to witness the true magnitude of his monstrosity. And if the last man standing is to have any hope of surviving where no one else has survived before, he’ll have to use every ounce of cunning to outwit the man behind the monster and become every bit as ruthless as the monster inside the man.

30% Probability of Shittiness: The 2005 film bored the ever loving shit out of me, but the sequel shows some promise in the trailer. In the first film, Mick deceived and lured his victims to their deaths, but here, it appears they're not hiding the fact Mick is a raging sociopath. I'm pretty sure they'll do everything they can to milk this for a third film, because I'll be shocked if Mick doesn't make it to the end here.

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (Director: Christopher Landon, Writer: Christopher Landon)-

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A young California Latino named Jesse (Andrew Jacobs) is marked for possession by the same malevolent demon who previously claimed Kristi and Katie. Christopher Landon (son of Highway to Heaven actor Michael Landon) writes and directs this spin-off/sequel produced by Oren Peli and Jason Blum.

98% Probability of Shittiness: This is a horribly desperate move to revive the Paranormal Activity franchise. The fourth film received a lot of negative feedback from critics and fans, and 4 is easily the weakest film in the franchise. Why? Because Paranormal Activity CLEARLY peaked after the third film. The story is still going in circles, and now we're going to sidetrack everything for a fucking prequel? I'm pretty sure we'll learn more about Kristi and katie's child hood, because you know, Paranormal Activity 3 didn't cover anything for their backstories.

Christopher Landon helped with the screenplays for PA 2, 3, 4, and Disturbia. That's nothing to brag about, and I can't understand the reasoning for giving him a shot at directing here.

Paranormal Activity 5- Couldn't find anything for plot details, but it's got a targeted release for October 2014.

100% Probability of Shittiness: First of all, PA 5 was supposed to hit theaters during October of this year, but they pushed it back to 2014. That's not a good sign.

After watching all the PA films again recently, one reoccurring trend really annoys me: Toby, the invisible demon. It's clear there's no real solution to defeat Toby, and instead of coming up with a plan to stop him, we spend four films running around and moving into a house full of witches (PA 3)? At least you can find a way to fight Freddy Krueger in your dreams, you can shoot Michael Myers, and he'll fall down, but it's clear there's no clear cut solution to stop Toby. Why should I care about a series of films, where the protagonists have no realistic chances to fight or defeat their adversary?

The PA franchise is on life support at this point, and they're already following the Saw Path Of Doom (churning out terrible sequels year after year, until the franchise finally runs out of steam).

Also, I hope they change the mundane route formula for PA films: 40-50 minutes of boring security camera footage (I don't need to know what's going on in your empty kitchen or pool at 3:00 am), sporadic attacks from Toby, and a suspenseful finale that might last ten or fifteen minutes. Seriously, go to YouTube, and look up trailers and TV s pots for all the PA films. They constantly use a "The last fifteen minutes of this film will mess you up for life" tagline.

[REC] 4: Apocalypse (Director: Jaume Balagueró, Writers: Jaume Balagueró, Manu Diaz)-

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Ángela, the young television reporter who entered the building with the firemen along with her cameraman, manages to make it out alive. But what the soldiers don’t know is that she carries the seed of the strange infection.

She is to be taken to a provisional quarantine facility, a high-security installation where she will have to stay in isolation for several days. An old oil tanker, miles off shore and surrounded by water on all sides, has been especially equipped for the quarantine

15% Probability of Shittiness: REC 3 is easily the worst film in the entire series. Too campy, too ridiculous, the primary male protagonist was a complete wimp, and for no real reason at all, they abandoned the found-footage POV after the attacks at the wedding party. Although, I have faith in 4, because they're returning to the roots of the first two films, and Angela is back. And it's the final film in the REC franchise, so I have big expectations for a satisfying grand finale.