klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Oh yes.
WZCW All Or Nothing 2013 with KB (Review Starts At Post 63)
- Thread starter klunderbunker
- Start date
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Dude I'm on page 3 of the review and I just started the battle royal. A Raw review averages 5 pages. This is goign to be a LONG one.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
One very important note: I have no idea who most of these people are or what most of the signature moves they're using are, so I'm guessing as best I can. If I say a move and it's something completely different, ignore it. I've never read a full WZCW show so I'm going in completely blind.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Oh never mind. The roster page helps a lot.
Da Prophet
Mid-Card Championship Winner
Austin Reynolds has the political power of Triple H.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
The levels of snark in this are rather dangerous.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Any reason why?
Viola Moonlight
I'm Literally Just Here for WZCW
I... didn't know you were doing a review. Otherwise, I would've put the show up on time.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Nice little surprise isn't it? You never know when a new fan might be watching.
The pre-show is done and there's no way I'm doing the rest of this tonight. I'll throw up the pre-show part for a preview for later.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
All or Nothing 2013
Date: February 25, 2013
Location: WZCW Arena, Parts Unknown, Kansas
Commentators: Sebastian Copeland, Jack Cohen, Catherine Connors
So this is another one of those companies that I've heard a lot about but have somehow managed to avoid over the years. Basically all I know coming into this are the names of a few people and some of the creative team that pesters me for plugs on my site every now and then. Apparently this is one of those free PPVs that they run occasionally which is an oxymoron as there's no actual PAYING involved in this PAY per view but what can you expect from a bunch of OCW knockoffs?
Anyway, I'm basically going into this show blind as I have no idea who is who or what is going on. Granted that's what got me into Heroes of Wrestling so maybe this is a dumb idea. The PPV is already up late which makes me want my money back already. There's even a freaking pre-show to get through too. I have no idea who any of the wrestlers are, what any of the feuds/stories are, what any of the matches are or what to expect here. I'm also in a bad mood so this could get interesting. Let's get to it.
We open the show with........an apology. Great, now I'm already having flashbacks to ECW when Paul Heyman would apologize because he couldn't get his boys out of jail had new matches to reward his loyal fans with. Another bad sign: the female commentator is reading off a teleprompter that you can see reflected in her glasses and the word apologize is misspelled in her script.
Apparently some guy wanted the show to start late and gets his way around here. Why wasn't I given this offer too? It's something about Australia (SEE??? I TOLD YOU THEY WERE RIPPING OFF OCW!) and a guy in My Little Pony gear (strike one) named Falcon. Suddenly I have a desire to see him punch someone. Some fans freak out when the camera pans up there, which makes me think either this guy is universally hated or the announcers are piping their words in through the PA system ala World Wrestling All-Stars, another company that frequented Australia back around the start of the new millennium.
The door opens up and Falcon is beaten down for his actions by the fans. So let me get this straight: the fans are mad about a show being late so they beat down the guy who caused it, making the show start EVEN LATER? Also if this is a pre-show, how mad can they be? The show isn't supposed to have started yet, so why do they need to be angry? More ECW similarities: ticked off fans that probably didn't pay to get in.
Their theme song is Ready to Roll by Jet Black Stare. Good song, but now they're ripping off WWE (theme to Summerslam 08) as well. We're not even on the show yet and they've copied WWA, OCW, ECW and WWE. What do I have to do to get some NWA Hollywood in here?
Oh apparently that's the song of a guy named Vance Bateman, who is GM of Ascension....whatever that is. Apparently everyone that paid to watch the PPV gets a refund because of the delay. Great, so now everyone is like me. Uh....yeah great. Anyway the fans are happy, even though they're watching the show and not the PPV feed so they shouldn't get a refund but whatever.
Bateman talks about something called the Ratings Spike (OCW legend Rusty's finishing move) which I guess is a talk show hosted by a guy named Austin Reynolds. The fans cheer for him so he's over I guess. Apparently there's going to be a battle royal before the show.
We see Falcon being dragged out and thrown into a garbage can. Even money says he plays a roll later tonight. We're actually getting started now. Oh wait there's an opening video first. We get graphics of the matches....no names but graphics nonetheless along with any appropriate stipulations. I will say this: it's been a long time since I've seen a show with an alien on the roster (although I have seen it before). Now it's repeating after just thirty seconds with over three minutes to go. This is going to be a REALLY long night isn't it? I'll be watching Rocky and Bullwinkle until this gets done.
We get another video (what happened to STARTING THE SHOW?) from earlier today with some guy named Krypto (thank you hand name graphic. Is that in case he gets lost and needs to tell someone his name?) walking through a parking lot and holding a cardboard box. He shouts to someone named Myles about setting up a spaceship for later and we pan over to see presumably Myles directing a truck. Apparently the cardboard box is the ship but Myles isn't pleased.
The truck stops and Myles throws open the door. He talks about some mentor program that Krypto was in with Bateman and a guy named Dave. Apparently Krypto did well in it so tonight, Myles is giving him a treat: whatever is in the truck! Krypto gives him a hug and is called a freak for his efforts. Ok then.
It's time for the Ratings Spike (and time for me to see my lawyers about a copyright suit) and here's Austin Reynolds. He's the Ratings Winner apparently. Wouldn't a better name for him be the Ratings Spike because he makes them spike? A show is usually called a ratings winner, not a person. Austin grabs a mic and thanks the fans for a warm welcome home reception. Apparently he's in the main event tonight against David Cougar (cue porn music) and Constantine (cool name, and only the second name taken from DC Comics in 10 minutes) despite being gone for awhile.
Reynolds talks about being the best and longest (I'm guessing he means longest reigning because he's only about 6'0. Maybe it's a midgets title?) Elite X Champion ever (sounds cruiserweighty) but the current champion claims to be better instead. But we're not going to talk about the current champion (whoever that may be. We'll call him Gus). Instead, here's the current champion's opponent for later tonight: Celeste Crimson.
She comes out to Pantera so at least this isn't a total loss. Austin gives her the Are You Ready treatment (the Attitude Era section of my brain hurts from the conflict of character and catchphrase) and Crimson confirms that she is indeed ready. Unfortunately they don't copy the occasional flash that female DX fans would give at that point but you can't win them all I guess.
Celeste is still talking when she's cut off by Nirvana music. That would be the music of one Sam Smith who has a big belt with an X on it. I think you can fit the pieces together on this one yourselves. Smith talks about being the real talent here and that he doesn't need this title to prove that.
Celeste is another no name that he'll beat as champion. He has more to say but the no name cuts him off, asking him to shut up. Celeste says come out here and do it right now because there's already a referee here. I'm guessing she means Austin, so he's a referee and not wrestling tonight? Makes sense, although his promo implied he was wrestling. Celeste says she'll win tonight and that's about it.
We get a commercial for elephant ear wax remover. On a PPV? Seriously?
Back from a break (now minus 19.95 because they offered the power adapter for the wax remover free) with some chick named Stacey and a guy named Triple X (add TNA to the rip off list). Before she can ask anything though, Triple X is jumped by some dude we can't see a good shot of. He destroys X and rams him into a wall for good measure before saying that was too easy. We pan over and see a guy named Stephen Holmes who shakes the mystery man's hand. Apparently the mystery man's name is Erik. Good enough.
Battle Royal
Jimmy Flynn, Sandy Deserts, Mister Alhazred, Connor Reese, Ricky Runn, Dustin Hunter, Thrash, Brent Blaze
This is billed as the main event of the pre-show. Don't you need more than one match to have a main event? Anyway the winner gets in something called Lethal Lottery (check off WCW on the list of companies. You knew it was coming). After another break (this one for Pepsi which is a step down in my eyes) we're going at it and I have no idea who anyone but Flynn is.
Everyone goes at it as you would expect them to in a battle royal. According to Rebecca the chick is named Sandy and she gets a guy named All Hazard (what kind of a name is that?) to the apron. Is that....is that a Nintendo Power Glove? I know my favorite now! Either way it goes upside Sandy's head and All Hazard is back inside. Thrash is down on the mat as Blaze and Hunter (thank you good announcers for giving me an idea who these people are) hit a nice double suplex on Flynn.
Some big dude named Reese has a camel clutch on Runn. Ok so apparently this Reese guy isn't that smart. Noted. Hunter chokes Thrash to no avail but as Thrash (apparently a rocker) throws him off, Hunter pulls him down to the floor, accidentally eliminating himself in the process. Hunter decks Thrash on his way out so I'm guessing he's a heel. Back in the ring, All Hazard is playing with the Glove but gets glitter bombed for his efforts, allowing Sandy to hit a sweet spin kick to the face to get us down to five.
Elsewhere Blaze sizes up Flynn but Reese launches Blaze at Flynn instead, sending Blaze to the apron. After the poor cat is skinned, Flynn blasts Blaze in the face with an elbow to get us to four, but Reese makes it three with an elimination of Flynn that draws a gasp from the crowd. So we're down to Sandy, Reese and Runn for the spot in the Lethal Lottery. Sandy tries to jump Reese but gets snapmared down and kicked in the head for her troubles. Nice to see the man on woman rule doesn't exist here.
Runn gets back up and charges at Reese, taking him down with a nice neckbreaker. He goes up top for something and....breaks the ring. Well that's not good. The crowd, which was complaining about being delayed earlier, cheers at the damage which will cause further delays. Some referees come out to fix things and declare that this is now an over the middle rope battle royal. Well at least we don't have to worry about someone stepping over the down top rope for a cheap finish. Sandy tries to pound on Reese but he easily shoves her to the edge of the ring and out to the floor, getting us down to Reese vs. Runn.
Speaking of Runn he charges in with a rana to send Reese flying but whatever he was trying by grabbing Reese's arm is countered. Reese gets in a shot to the ribs and loads up what appears to be a sleeper. He drags Runn over to the ropes but Runn hangs on in a last ditch effort. Reese lets go of the hold and charges (like I said, this guy isn't too bright. You NEVER charge in a battle royal), only to be tripped up and sent...not all the way to the floor.
Reese hangs on by his feet in a cool looking visual but Runn can't follow up at the moment. Reese gets back to his feet in the ring but walks into a shot to the face. Runn fires off a spear, sending both guys out to the floor at the same time. Yep we've got a double elimination.
Rating: D+. I'm not a fan of battle royals for the most part and this one was rather dull until the ending. Reese and Runn had good chemistry together and their part was by far the best. The other six people didn't need to exist for the most part, which is genuinely the case in battle royals. Still though, this was free and it's hard to complain about something that you didn't have to pay for. That ring rope breaking isn't a good sign though, as it would make me as a prospective buyer leery of paying these guys for something.
Date: February 25, 2013
Location: WZCW Arena, Parts Unknown, Kansas
Commentators: Sebastian Copeland, Jack Cohen, Catherine Connors
So this is another one of those companies that I've heard a lot about but have somehow managed to avoid over the years. Basically all I know coming into this are the names of a few people and some of the creative team that pesters me for plugs on my site every now and then. Apparently this is one of those free PPVs that they run occasionally which is an oxymoron as there's no actual PAYING involved in this PAY per view but what can you expect from a bunch of OCW knockoffs?
Anyway, I'm basically going into this show blind as I have no idea who is who or what is going on. Granted that's what got me into Heroes of Wrestling so maybe this is a dumb idea. The PPV is already up late which makes me want my money back already. There's even a freaking pre-show to get through too. I have no idea who any of the wrestlers are, what any of the feuds/stories are, what any of the matches are or what to expect here. I'm also in a bad mood so this could get interesting. Let's get to it.
We open the show with........an apology. Great, now I'm already having flashbacks to ECW when Paul Heyman would apologize because he couldn't get his boys out of jail had new matches to reward his loyal fans with. Another bad sign: the female commentator is reading off a teleprompter that you can see reflected in her glasses and the word apologize is misspelled in her script.
Apparently some guy wanted the show to start late and gets his way around here. Why wasn't I given this offer too? It's something about Australia (SEE??? I TOLD YOU THEY WERE RIPPING OFF OCW!) and a guy in My Little Pony gear (strike one) named Falcon. Suddenly I have a desire to see him punch someone. Some fans freak out when the camera pans up there, which makes me think either this guy is universally hated or the announcers are piping their words in through the PA system ala World Wrestling All-Stars, another company that frequented Australia back around the start of the new millennium.
The door opens up and Falcon is beaten down for his actions by the fans. So let me get this straight: the fans are mad about a show being late so they beat down the guy who caused it, making the show start EVEN LATER? Also if this is a pre-show, how mad can they be? The show isn't supposed to have started yet, so why do they need to be angry? More ECW similarities: ticked off fans that probably didn't pay to get in.
Their theme song is Ready to Roll by Jet Black Stare. Good song, but now they're ripping off WWE (theme to Summerslam 08) as well. We're not even on the show yet and they've copied WWA, OCW, ECW and WWE. What do I have to do to get some NWA Hollywood in here?
Oh apparently that's the song of a guy named Vance Bateman, who is GM of Ascension....whatever that is. Apparently everyone that paid to watch the PPV gets a refund because of the delay. Great, so now everyone is like me. Uh....yeah great. Anyway the fans are happy, even though they're watching the show and not the PPV feed so they shouldn't get a refund but whatever.
Bateman talks about something called the Ratings Spike (OCW legend Rusty's finishing move) which I guess is a talk show hosted by a guy named Austin Reynolds. The fans cheer for him so he's over I guess. Apparently there's going to be a battle royal before the show.
We see Falcon being dragged out and thrown into a garbage can. Even money says he plays a roll later tonight. We're actually getting started now. Oh wait there's an opening video first. We get graphics of the matches....no names but graphics nonetheless along with any appropriate stipulations. I will say this: it's been a long time since I've seen a show with an alien on the roster (although I have seen it before). Now it's repeating after just thirty seconds with over three minutes to go. This is going to be a REALLY long night isn't it? I'll be watching Rocky and Bullwinkle until this gets done.
We get another video (what happened to STARTING THE SHOW?) from earlier today with some guy named Krypto (thank you hand name graphic. Is that in case he gets lost and needs to tell someone his name?) walking through a parking lot and holding a cardboard box. He shouts to someone named Myles about setting up a spaceship for later and we pan over to see presumably Myles directing a truck. Apparently the cardboard box is the ship but Myles isn't pleased.
The truck stops and Myles throws open the door. He talks about some mentor program that Krypto was in with Bateman and a guy named Dave. Apparently Krypto did well in it so tonight, Myles is giving him a treat: whatever is in the truck! Krypto gives him a hug and is called a freak for his efforts. Ok then.
It's time for the Ratings Spike (and time for me to see my lawyers about a copyright suit) and here's Austin Reynolds. He's the Ratings Winner apparently. Wouldn't a better name for him be the Ratings Spike because he makes them spike? A show is usually called a ratings winner, not a person. Austin grabs a mic and thanks the fans for a warm welcome home reception. Apparently he's in the main event tonight against David Cougar (cue porn music) and Constantine (cool name, and only the second name taken from DC Comics in 10 minutes) despite being gone for awhile.
Reynolds talks about being the best and longest (I'm guessing he means longest reigning because he's only about 6'0. Maybe it's a midgets title?) Elite X Champion ever (sounds cruiserweighty) but the current champion claims to be better instead. But we're not going to talk about the current champion (whoever that may be. We'll call him Gus). Instead, here's the current champion's opponent for later tonight: Celeste Crimson.
She comes out to Pantera so at least this isn't a total loss. Austin gives her the Are You Ready treatment (the Attitude Era section of my brain hurts from the conflict of character and catchphrase) and Crimson confirms that she is indeed ready. Unfortunately they don't copy the occasional flash that female DX fans would give at that point but you can't win them all I guess.
Celeste is still talking when she's cut off by Nirvana music. That would be the music of one Sam Smith who has a big belt with an X on it. I think you can fit the pieces together on this one yourselves. Smith talks about being the real talent here and that he doesn't need this title to prove that.
Celeste is another no name that he'll beat as champion. He has more to say but the no name cuts him off, asking him to shut up. Celeste says come out here and do it right now because there's already a referee here. I'm guessing she means Austin, so he's a referee and not wrestling tonight? Makes sense, although his promo implied he was wrestling. Celeste says she'll win tonight and that's about it.
We get a commercial for elephant ear wax remover. On a PPV? Seriously?
Back from a break (now minus 19.95 because they offered the power adapter for the wax remover free) with some chick named Stacey and a guy named Triple X (add TNA to the rip off list). Before she can ask anything though, Triple X is jumped by some dude we can't see a good shot of. He destroys X and rams him into a wall for good measure before saying that was too easy. We pan over and see a guy named Stephen Holmes who shakes the mystery man's hand. Apparently the mystery man's name is Erik. Good enough.
Battle Royal
Jimmy Flynn, Sandy Deserts, Mister Alhazred, Connor Reese, Ricky Runn, Dustin Hunter, Thrash, Brent Blaze
This is billed as the main event of the pre-show. Don't you need more than one match to have a main event? Anyway the winner gets in something called Lethal Lottery (check off WCW on the list of companies. You knew it was coming). After another break (this one for Pepsi which is a step down in my eyes) we're going at it and I have no idea who anyone but Flynn is.
Everyone goes at it as you would expect them to in a battle royal. According to Rebecca the chick is named Sandy and she gets a guy named All Hazard (what kind of a name is that?) to the apron. Is that....is that a Nintendo Power Glove? I know my favorite now! Either way it goes upside Sandy's head and All Hazard is back inside. Thrash is down on the mat as Blaze and Hunter (thank you good announcers for giving me an idea who these people are) hit a nice double suplex on Flynn.
Some big dude named Reese has a camel clutch on Runn. Ok so apparently this Reese guy isn't that smart. Noted. Hunter chokes Thrash to no avail but as Thrash (apparently a rocker) throws him off, Hunter pulls him down to the floor, accidentally eliminating himself in the process. Hunter decks Thrash on his way out so I'm guessing he's a heel. Back in the ring, All Hazard is playing with the Glove but gets glitter bombed for his efforts, allowing Sandy to hit a sweet spin kick to the face to get us down to five.
Elsewhere Blaze sizes up Flynn but Reese launches Blaze at Flynn instead, sending Blaze to the apron. After the poor cat is skinned, Flynn blasts Blaze in the face with an elbow to get us to four, but Reese makes it three with an elimination of Flynn that draws a gasp from the crowd. So we're down to Sandy, Reese and Runn for the spot in the Lethal Lottery. Sandy tries to jump Reese but gets snapmared down and kicked in the head for her troubles. Nice to see the man on woman rule doesn't exist here.
Runn gets back up and charges at Reese, taking him down with a nice neckbreaker. He goes up top for something and....breaks the ring. Well that's not good. The crowd, which was complaining about being delayed earlier, cheers at the damage which will cause further delays. Some referees come out to fix things and declare that this is now an over the middle rope battle royal. Well at least we don't have to worry about someone stepping over the down top rope for a cheap finish. Sandy tries to pound on Reese but he easily shoves her to the edge of the ring and out to the floor, getting us down to Reese vs. Runn.
Speaking of Runn he charges in with a rana to send Reese flying but whatever he was trying by grabbing Reese's arm is countered. Reese gets in a shot to the ribs and loads up what appears to be a sleeper. He drags Runn over to the ropes but Runn hangs on in a last ditch effort. Reese lets go of the hold and charges (like I said, this guy isn't too bright. You NEVER charge in a battle royal), only to be tripped up and sent...not all the way to the floor.
Reese hangs on by his feet in a cool looking visual but Runn can't follow up at the moment. Reese gets back to his feet in the ring but walks into a shot to the face. Runn fires off a spear, sending both guys out to the floor at the same time. Yep we've got a double elimination.
Rating: D+. I'm not a fan of battle royals for the most part and this one was rather dull until the ending. Reese and Runn had good chemistry together and their part was by far the best. The other six people didn't need to exist for the most part, which is genuinely the case in battle royals. Still though, this was free and it's hard to complain about something that you didn't have to pay for. That ring rope breaking isn't a good sign though, as it would make me as a prospective buyer leery of paying these guys for something.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
I will say this: I've read the intro to the first PPV match and it sounds promising.
Viola Moonlight
I'm Literally Just Here for WZCW
Pre shows are usually matches and segments that sit on the cutting room floor so I never expect much.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Neither do I. I might mention a few common issues in private later.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
So from what I gather, Westhoff is a religious cult guy who tortured Stormrage and his partner, then Stormrage took out one of Westhoff's team, and tonight it's a grudge match with Stormrage getting a cage match against Westhoff's manager if he wins?
Viola Moonlight
I'm Literally Just Here for WZCW
Grand Mystique is the cult leader with Westhoff being his main follower but everything else is correct.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Copeland is a heel commentator right?
Also don't spoil anything in here if you don't mind. I'm trying to avoid the results.
Also don't spoil anything in here if you don't mind. I'm trying to avoid the results.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
One more question: do you want feedback about the show from a fan's perspective or a writing perspective or both? If you want writing as well I can do that in private if you prefer.
Viola Moonlight
I'm Literally Just Here for WZCW
Cohen is heel
Viola Moonlight
I'm Literally Just Here for WZCW
And whatever suits. Go public with everything too. I don't mind
Da Prophet
Mid-Card Championship Winner
It's no fun if everything is done in private.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
It isn't if I berate one of the writers either. There are some things in here that make it VERY hard to tell what's going on.
