klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Sin Cara is gone for thirty days for a wellness violation. That would explain the injury angle last night.
Monday Night Raw
Date: July 18, 2011
Location: Resch Center, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
This is a very different era for Raw as Punk is now world champion but has apparently left the company with the championship. Also we have Alberto Del Rio as the Money in the Bank winner who didn’t cash in officially last night because the bell never rang. This should be a very interesting show so let’s get to it.
Here’s Vince to open the show. Nice to see them going straight into the big story. Johnny Ace is with him. Vince’s punk jacket isn’t quite as manly as something Bret would wear but most men aren’t Bret Hart. The locker room is all watching on a monitor in the back. The fans chant for Punk and Vince says he’ll never say that name again. Punk is an ingrate apparently and walked out on the fans, the locker room and everyone that has ever been in this ring.
Vince says no one is bigger than the WWE and lists off a bunch of names. There will be a new WWE Champion crowned tonight in an 8 man tournament. Ziggler vs. Rey is one of the matches. Swagger vs. Truth. Kofi vs. Del Rio and Miz vs. Riley….again. He addresses Cena not being in the match because Cena let everyone down last night. Cena will face unmentioned consequences. Vince promises we’ll always remember tonight so enjoy the show.
We talk about Cena tweeting that he’s been fired and if that’s hot it is, Cena is sorry to Rock.
WWE Championship Tournament Quarterfinals: The Miz vs. Alex Riley
Miz is limping but the fact that he’s out there is a great sign after how bad his knee looked. Riley’s entrance and the bell are after the break. Here we go and Riley goes after the bad knee which is rather smart. He has psychology at least. A kick to the knee puts Miz down and he works it over a bit. Miz’s knee goes around the post and Riley gets two back in. Riley’s shoulder goes into the post and here comes Miz.
Miz throws on a cravate to slow Riley down. You have to win by pinfall or submission so there are no DQs or countouts. Riley manages to ram Miz’s neck into his knee to take over. Spinebuster gets two. The inverted DDT and the Finale don’t work so Miz goes up. He jumps into a really bad Texas Cloverleaf (called a Sharpshooter by Cole) but manages to get a rope. Alex hammers away and Miz is staggering. And never mind as Riley walks into the Skull Crushing Finale for the clean pin at 4:57.
Video on John Morrison who is coming back soon from his neck injury apparently.
WWE Championship Tournament Quarter-Finals: R-Truth vs. Jack Swagger
Swagger grabs a headlock to start us off. Truth keeps talking to himself as they circle each other a bit more. Apparently Big Show will be out for two months. Truth gets a victory roll for two as Truth does his weird pelvic thrust dance. Belly to belly gets two for Swagger. Swagger beats on Truth a bit more before the Vader Bomb gets two. Double chickenwing goes on Truth as the crowd doesn’t care. Truth starts his comeback but misses the Axe kick. It’s countered into the ankle lock but Truth counters into a rollup for the pin at 4:20.
WWE Championship Tournament Quarter-Finals: Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston
Alberto is VERY fired up about being Mr. Money in the Bank. He talks about trying to cash in last night but Punk ran away. Alberto has a surprise and RICARDO IS BACK! Why this is exciting is beyond me but you have to shout at a return!!! The bell rings after a break and Del Rio gets a fast seated dropkick to the back of the head for two. Alberto goes after the leg of Kofi which is a change of pace for him.
Kofi starts his jumping around and hits a back elbow to take Del Rio down. Rock apparently has begged Vince not to fire Cena. This match seems kind of rushed. Del Rio is sent to the floor and Kofi hits a sweet dive to take Alberto down. Kofi takes too long to come back in and gets caught by an enziguri for two. Off to a chinlock which doesn’t last long at all. Another kick gets two.
Elbow drop gets the same and we’re back to the chinlock. Kofi starts his comeback and the crowd finally reacts. Boom Drop is avoided though and Del Rio gets a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Cross armbreaker is countered into a rollup for the pin out of nowhere at approximately 5:00.
Summerslam Recall is from 1992 where Bulldog beat Bret.
Kofi says he’s excited and tonight is a new opportunity. That’s one down and two to go.
WWE Championship Tournament Quarter-Finals: Rey Mysterio vs. Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler trabs him to start but Rey speeds things up to escape. Rey is tossed to the floor and takes a nice flapjack to put him down again. In the ring that gets two as does a big elbow drop. Off to a stump puller which is an old school submission. Dolph takes him down to the mat and has been in control for most of the match. Splash in the corner misses though and Rey gets a quick two count.
Seated senton off the top hits but Ziggler gets a sunset flip. They exchange some kicks, resulting in Dolph getting a two count. Clothesline misses for Dolph and the sleeper is countered. Rey counters into a 619 attempt but Dolph ducks and hits a reverse slam for two. 619 hits on the second attempt and a top rope splash pins the US Champion clean at 5:00.
Jerry calls Punk the former champion.
Updated brackets:
Mysterio vs. R-Truth
Kofi vs. Miz
Vince is talking to Johnny Ace about the tournament.
Face Diva Team vs. Heel Diva Team
Like I’m listing off 12-14 Divas for a two minute match. Beth vs. Rosa to start and they botch something badly. Slingshot suplex hits and everything breaks down within about 15 seconds. Glam Slam and we’re done at 1:02. About as good as I was expecting. Anything with Kelly in those tiny white shorts is never a bad thing though.
WWE Championship Tournament Semi-Finals: Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz
Kofi immediately goes for the knee and Miz is having to fight through the issues. Kofi does his reversal off the ropes with his hair. They horribly botch a dropkick as Miz falls before it even hits. Double stomp gets two for Kofi but he gets crotched soon after that. Slingshot elbow gets two for Kofi but Miz rolls through a top rope cross body. He hits more or less a Stunner to the knee and loads up Trouble in Paradise, only for Miz to head to the apron to escape. Miz gets put into a rollup for two but gets a modified Snake Eyes and hits the Finale to end it at 3:45. Miz is bleeding from the mouth a bit.
Truth says he should be champion and there’s a conspiracy. The Little Jimmys better close their eyes because the title is gonna get got.
Video on Andy from Tough Enough who grew up in a very bad neighborhood apparently, complete with a meth lab.
WWE Championship Tournament Semi-Finals: Rey Mysterio vs. R-Truth
Truth takes over to start and pounds Rey down, hitting a suplex for two. They collide which of course goes badly for Rey, resulting in another two count. Off to a front facelock by Truth and a knee to Rey’s ribs stops him again. After a body scissors Rey gets some momentum, including a bad looking arm drag to put Truth on the floor. Rey hits a suicide dive and we take a break.
Back with Truth holding a chinlock. Apparently Rey tried two top rope moves during the break and was ½ with them. Truth gets an extra spinny forearm for two. 619 attempt is countered by a forearm for two. Back to the front facelock as it seems like both of them are spent. Truth charges at Rey in the corner but goes into the middle buckle instead. Rey still can’t keep any momentum going and Truth hits his suplex into the stunner for two. Rey goes to the apron and hits a headscissors to set up the 619. Top rope splash puts him into the finals at 12:48.
Rey stays in the ring for the main event which is next.
And before the bell here’s Vince in that pink jacket again. Miz isn’t even out there yet. Vince sounds like he calls it the WWF Title. I’m pretty sure he did. He has to hurry though because there’s something else he needs to do. No title match? Apparently not as Vince says this is bigger than Rey. Sadly enough he doesn’t make the required joke. Yep the match is postponed so no match here.
Vince reiterates that no one is bigger than the WWE, including John Cena. There’s a CM Punk chant. Vince talks about how this isn’t about his ego and how he did what was right from a business perspective. This was a long term decision and in time, the fans will thank him. Let’s get this over with apparently and here’s Cena.
Cena says he isn’t going to go through some big rant or tirade and he knows what’s coming. He isn’t going to go through what Shawn Michaels went through. Apparently this is about Montreal somehow and how Shawn had to go through the constant reminders of how he screwed Bret. Cena doesn’t want to be remembered as the guy that screwed CM Punk.
Last night was about Vince wanting to keep his bubble intact because no one can embarrass Vince. Vince needed a patsy but Cena wasn’t going to play ball that way. Cena tells Punk that was a great match. He wasn’t going to take the title that way because it would have made it look meaningless. That’s true to an extent. Cena says Vince now has about 8 months to find a new opponent for Rock. Somehow he’s sure Vince can pull it off though so it doesn’t really matter.
Cena says that we should just get to it. He says if Vince has to fire him here tonight, he’ll keep doing it on someone else’s TV show….Brother. Hokey smoke we just got an actual Impact reference. Cena starts to walk but Vince stops him. And…….it’s time to play the game? Here’s HHH of all people in a suit. Vince is all happy to see him but HHH isn’t thrilled.
There was a board of directors meeting this morning and he says that twice for some reason. The board is concerned about the current situation. HHH wants to take this to the back so it doesn’t have to be in person. The board however is about Vince. It’s true that Vince built all this, but at the same time they’re worried about Vince’s “extremely questionable decisions” as of late.
HHH again offers to take this to the back but Vince says do it here. The board has asked HHH to come here to tell Vince that there’s an injunction against him with a vote of no confidence. Vince laughs it off but apparently the family agrees. On top of that, the board has appointed someone to take over the day to day operations. That would be……HHH apparently. Cena IS NOT fired and HHH is about to cry. Vince is officially relieved of his duties (HUGE pop for that) and HHH breaks down. He loves “pop” and he’s sorry. Vince stands in the middle of the ring and HHH walks out. A thank you Vince chant ends this.
Results
The Miz b. Alex Riley – Skull Crushing Finale
R-Truth b. Jack Swagger – Rollup
Kofi Kingston b. Alberto Del Rio – Rollup
Rey Mysterio b. Dolph Ziggler – Top Rope Splash
Kelly Kelly/AJ/Kaitlyn/Gail Kim/Beth Phoenix/Eve Torres/Natalya b. Rosa Mendes/Tamina/Bella Twins/Maryse/Alicia Fox
The Miz b. Kofi Kingston – Skull Crushing Finale
Rey Mys-terio b. R-Truth – Top Rope Splash
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.2. Not very good all things considered.
NXT
Date: July 19, 2011
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Commentators: William Regal, Todd Grisham
We’re at episode 20 of this. I said episode 20. With no sign of this season ending, I really do wonder if they know where they’re going with this. It’s not like we haven’t seen these people wrestle a dozen or so times already anyway. The show is in desperate need of ending but since apparently FCW is so bad they can’t find five others to be in this, we’re stuck here some more. Let’s get to it.
We’re going to get the ending to Raw from last night later on apparently.
Maryse and Striker are in the ring and there’s a punching bag with Cole’s face on it. Here come the rookies. We go over the Redemption points which are totally worthless because Bateman has zero and O’Neil is so far ahead of everyone it’s unreal. This is the Dummy Demonstration which is why Cole’s face is on it. This is worth five points and apparently it’s whoever can have the best mini-match with the dummy. Are you serious?
Bateman makes fun of Titus and says he’s sorry to the dummy and loves it. I’ve been watching wrestling my entire life which is over 20 years. I have never, in my entire life, heard a crowd go as silent as they do when they get the idea of what this actually is. Bateman does some basic stuff and does something resembling commentary as he does it.
Young refuses to do it (give this man the prize right now!) because he’s proven himself already. Titus says Bateman should try those moves on him instead of the dummy. Whoever Young has faced doesn’t matter and Titus throws the dummy at Young who is on the floor. They actually ask the audience who won. Gee, could it be the person that has dominated the whole thing and is clearly the most popular? This very well may have been the biggest waste of time since the Gobbledygooker.
OH BOY!!! Now I get to watch Vladimir Kozlov vs. JTG! I’ve heard of Christmas in July but this is proof that the WWE is officially inside my head and knows everything I want to see!
JTG vs. Vladimir Kozlov
Before the match, JTG proves why he should never be handed a microphone and why I believe western civilization is in its decline, all in about 30 seconds. That’s impressive. We have to sit through an ad for WWE All-Stars first though. I wait on the edge of my seat! Remember that there’s some kind of a bet that Kozlov can’t be a gangster or something. I heard CM Punk has some experience with that so maybe Koz should go find the champ.
JTG takes over to start as Regal bashes him to keep up the tradition. Middle rope dropkick gets two. He takes Koz down again and stares at Regal before covering. Regal offers JTG lessons in how to finish opponents off. As long as he doesn’t go to Terri Runnels for advice on finishing guys off he’ll be fine. Chinlock goes on as this has been totally one sided. Koz fires back with his strikes but a powerslam doesn’t work. And never mind as that Iron Curtain or whatever it’s called ends this at 5:30.
Horny shows Maryse the candy he got last week and she says it’s not from her. He kind of humps her leg and she pours the candy on his head. Maryse leaves and he gets another package, this time an Ugly Doll. And yet that’s what they’re really called.
Yoshi’s shrine has been destroyed.
You know that line in the secondary theme song of “If I can make it through this, I can make it through anything” is WAY too accurate for this show.
Darren Young vs. Titus O’Neil
This is the 7th match that these two have had on this season alone, not counting triple threats or tags. Darren grabs a headlock which gets him nowhere as Titus hits a powerslam and abdominal stretch. He shouts out to the Minnesota crowd and no one cares. Big clothesline gets something close to a reaction and let’s hit that stretch again. Young tries to walk out and that doesn’t go well either. Darren gets tossed into the corner and crashes to the floor in a decent bump. They fight to the apron and Young manages a neckbreaker. Bateman (called Young by Grisham) comes out with a picture of Cole as we take a break.
Back with Young holding a chinlock. We talk about Daniel Bryan to fill some time as Titus fights back and hammers Young down in the corner resulting in a two count. Young stops him and we talk about some MITB cash-ins. Back to the chinlock as Horny plays cheerleader a bit. We get a Gordon Solie reference which is just an insult to his memory.
O’Neil gets a powerslam for two. Horny tries to come in for no apparent reason and Bateman trips O’Neil. Great line from the commentators: Todd: “Did you see that???” Regal: “No. I’m an old villain. I did NOT see that.” Doesn’t matter anyway because Titus hits the Clash of the Titus for the pin at 11:11.
Time for the Vince/HHH segment from last night, in its entirety. By that I mean including the Vince/Cena stuff. Huge moment and I can totally understand it airing here.
Results
Titus O’Neil won the Dummy Demonstration Challenge
Vladimir Kozlov b. JTG – Iron Curtain
Titus O’Neil b. Darren Young – Clash of the Titus
Wednesday
Same old, same old.
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: July 21, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Sting is world champion again and it's time to begin the road to Hardcore Justice and his match with Angle. It seems that they're going to build towards the main event on the idea that Angle has never beaten Sting which isn't true but it was long enough ago that I doubt many people remember it. Anyway, there's also a BFG Series four way ladder match tonight so let's get to it.
We open with a recap of last week with the clowns and Sting winning the title thanks to Angle.
Here's the new champ to open the show. He says hi to his mom and says that he's back on track now, much to the chagrin of Hogan and Bischoff. He's still insane here. Game on apparently. Sting says this is supposed to be the part of the promo where he's supposed to talk about how we can do this the easy way or the hard way but he stops and says it'll just be his way.
Sting says he's insane and there's a good feeling about it. The insane asylum is open now. He wants Hogan and Bischoff to come out and here's a clown instead. It's Angle and he takes off the mask to prove it. He gets in the ring and says he respects Sting because Sting is the champion. Even though Sting is trying to get the company back in the hands of Dixie Carter, Sting has what Angle wants.
Angle says that both of them are legends but only one can be champion. It has to be him because he's given himself no other choice. Sting says that they have a dilemma here but Immortal, in the form of Anderson and Ray, cut them off. Ray mentions the obvious tag match and talks about using a bat on the ribs of Angle, like Angle did last week. Ray works hard on his abs and didn't like a bat going into them. Anderson says he didn't work so hard to get it all taken away from him like that. Sting has to deal with him tonight.
Bound For Glory standings:
Crimson 31
Gunner 21
D-Von 21
Matt Morgan 14
AJ Styles 14
James Storm 14
Rob Van Dam 14
Bully Ray 14
Scott Steiner 7
Bobby Roode 7
The Pope 0
Samoa Joe 0
Bound For Glory Series: Scott Steiner vs. Rob Van Dam
Steiner jumps him almost immediately and hits the overhead belly to belly to take over. Rob can't get anything going and we hit a bow and arrow hold. Steiner looks like he has a new tattoo that looks like a chain around his neck. Rob gets out of the corner and this a nice superkick to put Scott down for a second. Out to the floor and RVD gets the spinning leg drop which needs a name.
Back inside and Steiner wants time out. Rob instead hits him in the face. Steiner gets a boot up in the corner and hits the spinning belly to belly. Now Rob gets a foot in Scott's face to set up Rolling Thunder for two. Into the corner they go and Scott gets an elevated Downward Spiral for two as Rob gets his foot on the rope. Steiner Line sets up the pushups which the referee goes up and down with for some reason. Steiner yells at him for it and Rob rolls him up for the pin at 6:05.
Mickie is here and wants to talk to Velvet. Here she is completely with the shaking entrance. Mickie talks about how she's seen people going after Velvet and blame her for all kinds of stuff. That's why Mickie is honored to give Velvet her first title shot tonight. They hug and here are Winter and Angelina. Love says that this is about competition so Velvet and Mickie should just go get a hotel room.
She finally has gotten what Winter has been trying to tell her: she's a five time Women's Champion and yet no one gives her the respect she deserves. This is old school Angelina here. She'll get the title back no matter who wins tonight. Winter says she'll win at Hardcore Justice and the title will be theirs. Night is about to fall according to the seasonal one.
Sarita and Rosita jump Tessmacher and Tara on their way to the ring. They have a tag match later.
Back and the beating is still going on. As least take the skirt off Tessmacher! Madison jumps in and it's a big beatdown. Sarita has a face guard on which we'll get the story on later.
We get comments from all four people in the ladder match tonight. Joe says he's the best and he's taking the opportunity he's been given. Morgan says he doesn't care who's in there with him, he's getting the ten points. Gunner says he's destined to be a world champion. AJ says he'll win because he's Bound For Glory. Daniels comes in to talk to AJ and says not in front of the camera. The camera stays anyway and AJ isn't happy with what Daniels says, then slams the door on the camera.
We get a video “shot on a cell phone” of a brawl last week between the same chicks where Sarita got her face hurt.
Knockouts Tag Titles: Sarita/Rosita vs. Miss Tessmacher/Tara
Tara and Tessmacher wait for the champs to come through the curtain to jump them. After a beating in the aisle there's the bell. A double team sends Tara to the floor and Tessmacher hits a double clothesline. Hey, since there are four hot chicks in the ring, let's show the old Spanish announce team! Tessmacher gets beaten down as we start the actual match here. There's the required USA chant as Tessmacher takes Rosita down. Just not down enough for a tag.
Everything breaks down quickly as Hebner puts Tara out. More double teaming gets two on Tessmacher. Tara comes in again and throws Tessmacher to their own corner to guarantee a hot tag. Tara cleans house with some awkward looking punches. Widow's Peak is set up forever but doesn't hit Sarita because Madison runs in to break it up. Sarita rolls Tara up but only gets two. Tessmacher is thrown into Sarita and actually manages a Stratusfaction bulldog. Tara hits a chokebomb and Tessmacher gets a small package for stereo pins at 4:43 to give us new champs.
Bound For Glory Series: Samoa Joe vs. AJ Styles vs. Matt Morgan vs. Gunner
This is a ladder match and good for ten points. Gunner and AJ start on the floor. Morgan is in all white and here comes the ladder. Joe hits a baseball slide to take out Gunner and AJ. Now Morgan and Joe are fighting over the ladder so Gunner takes it in the face instead. AJ gets up to a huge pop and slams the ladder into I think Morgan's hand. Morgan grabs a chokeslam but AJ backflips out of it.
Pele puts Morgan down in the corner but Gunner gets back in with a slingshot suplex to Styles. AJ sends him to the floor as the ladder hasn't been unfolded yet. Morgan in control again and he throws AJ into the ladder. AJ walks up the ladder but jumps into a fallaway slam. Joe hits a senton backsplash and sets up the ladder. Gunner is back in to break it up though as the pacing in this is fast so far. Joe hits the ropes and dives onto Morgan.
Gunner goes up the ladder but AJ springboards onto said ladder and the slugout is on. Gunner goes down and Joe makes the save. Pele takes Joe down and AJ sets the ladder again. Gunner clears the ring again. Carbon Footprint kills Gunner dead though and Morgan wins at 5:00. Shortest ladder match ever perhaps?
Eric Young is in some story trying to defend the TV Title. He wants to defend against C Lo Green but it's D'Lo Brown. Brown says this is stupid and tries to leave. Young rolls him up and runs. Brown says Young better recognize.
X-Division Title: Brian Kendrick vs. Alex Shelley
They shake hands pre match. Kendrick misses a dropkick to start and Shelly rolls him up very quickly for two. Shelley keeps using weird rollup combinations which are kind of cool. They speed things up and Kendrick tries Sliced Bread #2 which they both use as their finisher. Neither can hit it so Shelley works on the ribs a bit. Surfboard goes on but it's not the awesome lifting version.
Dive by Kendrick is blocked by a kick that might have connected but I'm not sure. Top rope cross body only gets two but he gets it three times. Only in wrestling is 2+2+2 not more than three. Shelley hammers off some forearms but Kendrick gets one of his own and a leg lariat to send Alex to the floor. The dive hits this time and Shelley is in trouble. Back in the ring a top rope splash misses and Shelley hits Sliced Bread on the apron. Both guys are down on the floor now. Shelley throws him back in but Austin Aries pops up and hits Shelley in the head with the X Title and Kendrick pins him at 5:30. Don't think Kendrick saw it.
Kendrick isn't happy with the interference by Aries.
Mexican America complains because that's what they do. Here's Beer Money for the staredown before Hardcore Justice. Storm says shut up and go cut his grass. Storm hypes up Roode as being awesome and says he (Storm) is a country boy (said in a bit more elaborate way). Beer Money is better and they're going to beat the Mexicans for the people and for the Mexican legends. Storm says go mark your calendars because at the PPV, Beer Money is shutting them up. Roode says sorry about your luck to end this. Really liked this as it made me want to see them fight, which is the entire point of promos.
Knockouts Title: Mickie James vs. Velvet Sky
Winter and Angelina come out and jump Mickie before the match. Velvet comes out to help and it's more like a tag match than a regular one. The nice girls beat down the evil ones but ODB and Jackie come through the crowd to beat down Mickie and Velvet. Dang it NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU. Traci Brooks of all people comes out for the save. It's a big brawl and no match actually happens. The fans say let them fight and ODB loses a shoe somehow. ODB and Jackie beat up various men and that's about it. Oh and cops take them away in cuffs.
Traci doesn't like Jackie and ODB.
Bully Ray/Mr. Anderson vs. Sting/Kurt Angle
Ray cuts off Anderson's entrance because it's what the fans want to hear. Anderson does it anyway. We get big match intros to make sure that they don't have enough time for a lot of wrestling here. Ray jumps Sting from behind to start and knocks him into Angle who goes to the floor. Off to Anderson who hammers away on Clown Boy. Sting plays Ricky Morton for awhile with Anderson going after his knees. Ray misses the backsplash of course and Sting brings in Kurt as Anderson is tagged also. House is cleaned and a Stinger Splash and Angle Slam end Anderson at 4:00. Well that was quick
Sting asks Angle if he's gone too far and leaves Angle in the ring to end the show.
Results
Rob Van Dam b. Scott Steiner – Rollup
Miss Tessmacher/Tara b. Sarita/Rosita – Chokebomb to Sarita
Matt Morgan b. AJ Styles, Samoa Joe and Gunner – Morgan grabbed the contract
Brian Kendrick b. Alex Shelley – Kendrick pinned Shelly after Austin Aries hit Shelley with the belt
Kurt Angle/Sting b. Mr. Anderson/Bully Ray – Angle Slam to Anderson
Friday
Impact got a 1.25, up a bit from last week.
Smackdown
Date: July 22, 2011
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews
Money in the Bank is over and the question is simple: can Christian make it through one whole show as world champion? He won the title from Orton in the first instance I can ever remember where the “if the champion gets disqualified he loses the title” stipulation actually worked. Also Daniel Bryan now has the MITB case so there's always the chance of a cash in starting tonight. Let's get to it.
We open the show with Orton sitting in a chair in the middle of the ring. His says his name is Randy Orton. I wonder if he loves to fight. Although there's a lot going on in the WWE at the moment, this show isn't going anywhere until his issue with Christian is settled. We get a clip of Orton destroying Christian post match and here's the new champion.
Christian wants to know what unfinished business Orton is talking about. Orton says as long as Christian is breathing there's unfinished business. Christian thinks the unfinished business is with the voices Orton has in his head. Orton says Christian has been hiding behind a team of lawyers but Christian says Orton simply broke the rules. Christian says that he's been fighting incompetence for a long time now and also the unseen forces that keeps Randy on top. He's beaten them all though and is now a two time world champion.
There won't be a celebration tonight because nothing has changed over the last few months. He's not going to talk to these people because they still treat him badly. Orton says these people are going to see him beat Christian tonight because he wants his rematch. Christian says no because rematches don't grow on trees. Is he new here or something?
The champ says he's going to leave and talk to his lawyers about the situation. Orton comes after him but here's Teddy of course to break that up. Teddy says Orton will get his rematch but not tonight because he has Kane in a street fight. Orton needs to be the bigger man and that just doesn't happen. He takes Christian down and hammers away for a bit until the referees pull him off. Christian gets in Teddy's face but Teddy says get to the ring because Christian has a match with Big Zeke right now.
Ezekiel Jackson vs. Christian
Non-title here. Jackson comes out after a quick break. Christian immediately heads to the floor to hide for a bit. They get into the ring and no mention has been made yet of their ECW days. Total power game from Jackson to start us off and a long gorilla press slam puts the Canadian down. Jackson slams him again and sends him to the floor as we take a break. Back with Jackson slamming Christian into the announce table on the floor.
Christian ducks low and Jackson eats steps and the momentum shifts. That gets two back in the ring. Christian uses some basic stuff but Jackson gets a shot to the ribs and takes over one more time. Actually scratch that as Christian nails him in the ribs and stops the momentum. Booker says Christian can pull this off. He's the world champion. Shouldn't it be Jackson that can pull this off?
Off to a chinlock and it's Jackson in trouble again. Jackson escapes with a Samoan Drop and starts firing off clotheslines. Christian avoids one but can't hit the Killswitch. Here come the slams but Christian escapes and goes to the knee. Killswitch doesn't work again and Jackson gets him on his shoulder. Jackson charges shoulder first into the post though and the Killswitch ends this at 6:39 shown of 10:09.
Here's Cole to bring out Daniel Bryan. Cole says it was a fluke win at MITB and Bryan says he doesn't care what Cole says. Cole makes fun of Bryan for being all valiant but he knows Bryan is going to cash in like everyone else has: when the champion is down and out. Bryan doesn't deserve to have that case. Bryan says Cole didn't deserve to be in a featured match at Mania. No one deserves anything in this company and he's earned his spot over the last 12 years.
He lists off some of his injuries such as a detached retina and not being able to hear out of his left ear due to being kicked in the head so much. However he won't quit because he's dreamed of being WWE Champion since he was a kid. The person who holds the case can cash it in whenever and wherever they want. Bryan however is going to cash it in at Wrestlemania. I'll believe that when I see it. Heath Slater of all people comes out and calls Bryan a loser.
Heath Slater vs. Daniel Bryan
Slater starts off in trouble and has to escape the LeBell Lock by going to the floor. We take a break and come back with Bryan tossing him around with an armdrag. Bryan is now in the top of Booker's Fave Five now. Slater throws on a headlock and takes over. Hard whip into the corner puts Bryan down. Bryan starts fighting back and the crowd is cheering so hard that they're not even moving.
Booker says Slater has the same amount of charisma as a bowl full of turnips. Slater puts him down again as Cole keeps saying it was a fluke. Back to the chinlock as Booker and Cole get into their bickering again. Josh as usual gets us back to the match because he's the responsible one. Bryan makes a comeback with a flying forearm and both guys are down. Daniel lowers his head and gets kicked in the face for his troubles.
Slater charges at him and goes crashing to the floor. Bryan hits a running kick from the apron and back inside we go. Missile dropkick gets two. Slater grabs a spinebuster for two. Pinfall reversal sequence gets some two counts for both guys. Bryan sets for what looks like a tornado DDT but goes into a guillotine choke instead for the tap at 7:25 shown of 10:55.
We recap Big Show vs. Henry at the PPV where Henry hurt Show's leg post match.
Henry says the destruction will never end because the attack on Show gave him a pleasure. If it sounds like he's talking about himself, it's because he is. His words there, not mine.
We get the Vince/Cena/HHH video from Raw which eats up about ten minutes. Josh wouldn't say Punk's name leading into the segment.
Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett
Fallout from the MITB build here. The announcers touch on Cara being out due to the “injuries” he suffered in the ladder match. Sheamus hammers him down to start but Barrett gets his foot up in the corner to take over. Cole says Sheamus has a degree in computer technology and Barrett has one in marine biology. Never would have guessed those. Wade chokes Sheamus out on the top rope and then kicks pale boy to the floor.
That gets two back in the ring. Barrett has been dropped from the Fave Five. We get a Harvey Whippleman reference for no apparent reason. Sheamus grabs the Irish Curse for two. He pounds away even more like the brawler he is and they head to the floor. It turns into a slugout and neither guy can really get an advantage. They fight to the announce table and it's a double countout at 4:29.
They keep fighting post match and Barrett tries Wasteland, only to take the Brogue Kick to leave Sheamus standing tall.
Kane says he's going to unleash his pain and misery tonight. Lately he's been haunted and tonight he's going to try to escape that. He's been feeling too human lately and doesn't like it at all. He uses the Devil's Favorite Demon line for the first time in many months.
Randy Orton vs. Kane
This is a street fight. They have a ton of time left to do this also. Kane fires away to start and beats Orton down in the corner. Orton gets a boot up though and there's the Thesz Press. Kane grabs him by the throat but Orton counters into a failed RKO attempt. Out to the floor we go They fight up the ramp and neither guy can get much of an extended advantage.
Orton rams Kane into the railing and finds a kendo stick. He's getting all googly eyed and slides back in so he can bust out the elevated DDT. That fails completely and Orton is sent back over the top and out to the floor. Orton goes into the railing as we take a break. Back with Kane still in control and getting a two count. Orton low bridges Kane to send him to the floor but jumps into an uppercut.
Kane sets up the announce table but Orton escapes the chokeslam attempt. Orton climbs up onto the table to escape but it falls forward and Randy is holding his knee. He's up again but he's limping. Kane's knees go into the steps in a wicked shot and Randy hammers away. Orton puts Kane's leg on the step and stomps it into the steel and then slams the steps down onto it. We take another break and come back with Orton hammering away at the leg/ankle.
Kane fires off a big boot to take Orton down. He goes up but Orton avoids him and sends Kane's shoulder into the post. Elevated DDT hits and it's RKO time. That doesn't work and Kane hits the side slam for two. Now the big clothesline hits and Kane calls for the chokeslam. Orton is like screw that and grabs an RKO out of nowhere for a VERY close two. Kane can't get up so Orton sets up the Punt. The Big Bald pops up and hits a chokeslam for two.
We take an almost unprecedented third break as this match is going to get 20 minutes minimum. Back with Kane picking up a chair. He drills Orton four times with it and loads up a tombstone onto it. Randy escapes that and also escapes a chokeslam onto it. The RKO onto the chair ends this at 14:08 shown of 25:38 (remember that I assume 3:30 per break so the match could have been much shorter or even a bit longer).
Post match Kane takes his glove off and shakes hands with Randy. I don't ever remember seeing his right hand. Kane gets up after Orton leaves and the fans applaud him. Geez another turn for the Big Bald? Mark Henry comes out before Kane can leave though and he doesn't look nice. Remember Kane has a very bad knee here and can barely stand. Kane fires off on him but Henry takes the knee out. Henry gets him down as I guess Kane's new buddy Orton doesn't need to help Kane. Kane gets the same treatment Show got at the PPV.
Results
Christian b. Ezekiel Jackson – Killswitch
Daniel Bryan b. Heath Slater – Guillotine choke
Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett went to a double countout
Randy Orton b. Kane – RKO onto a chair
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Nothing here either.
Quick Results
Raw
The Miz b. Alex Riley – Skull Crushing Finale
R-Truth b. Jack Swagger – Rollup
Kofi Kingston b. Alberto Del Rio – Rollup
Rey Mysterio b. Dolph Ziggler – Top Rope Splash
Kelly Kelly/AJ/Kaitlyn/Gail Kim/Beth Phoenix/Eve Torres/Natalya b. Rosa Mendes/Tamina/Bella Twins/Maryse/Alicia Fox
The Miz b. Kofi Kingston – Skull Crushing Finale
Rey Mysterio b. R-Truth – Top Rope Splash
NXT
Titus O’Neil won the Dummy Demonstration Challenge
Vladimir Kozlov b. JTG – Iron Curtain
Titus O’Neil b. Darren Young – Clash of the Titus
Impact
Rob Van Dam b. Scott Steiner – Rollup
Miss Tessmacher/Tara b. Sarita/Rosita – Chokebomb to Sarita
Matt Morgan b. AJ Styles, Samoa Joe and Gunner – Morgan grabbed the contract
Brian Kendrick b. Alex Shelley – Kendrick pinned Shelly after Austin Aries hit Shelley with the belt
Kurt Angle/Sting b. Mr. Anderson/Bully Ray – Angle Slam to Anderson
Smackdown
Christian b. Ezekiel Jackson – Killswitch
Daniel Bryan b. Heath Slater – Guillotine choke
Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett went to a double countout
Randy Orton b. Kane – RKO onto a chair
Sin Cara is gone for thirty days for a wellness violation. That would explain the injury angle last night.
Monday Night Raw
Date: July 18, 2011
Location: Resch Center, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
This is a very different era for Raw as Punk is now world champion but has apparently left the company with the championship. Also we have Alberto Del Rio as the Money in the Bank winner who didn’t cash in officially last night because the bell never rang. This should be a very interesting show so let’s get to it.
Here’s Vince to open the show. Nice to see them going straight into the big story. Johnny Ace is with him. Vince’s punk jacket isn’t quite as manly as something Bret would wear but most men aren’t Bret Hart. The locker room is all watching on a monitor in the back. The fans chant for Punk and Vince says he’ll never say that name again. Punk is an ingrate apparently and walked out on the fans, the locker room and everyone that has ever been in this ring.
Vince says no one is bigger than the WWE and lists off a bunch of names. There will be a new WWE Champion crowned tonight in an 8 man tournament. Ziggler vs. Rey is one of the matches. Swagger vs. Truth. Kofi vs. Del Rio and Miz vs. Riley….again. He addresses Cena not being in the match because Cena let everyone down last night. Cena will face unmentioned consequences. Vince promises we’ll always remember tonight so enjoy the show.
We talk about Cena tweeting that he’s been fired and if that’s hot it is, Cena is sorry to Rock.
WWE Championship Tournament Quarterfinals: The Miz vs. Alex Riley
Miz is limping but the fact that he’s out there is a great sign after how bad his knee looked. Riley’s entrance and the bell are after the break. Here we go and Riley goes after the bad knee which is rather smart. He has psychology at least. A kick to the knee puts Miz down and he works it over a bit. Miz’s knee goes around the post and Riley gets two back in. Riley’s shoulder goes into the post and here comes Miz.
Miz throws on a cravate to slow Riley down. You have to win by pinfall or submission so there are no DQs or countouts. Riley manages to ram Miz’s neck into his knee to take over. Spinebuster gets two. The inverted DDT and the Finale don’t work so Miz goes up. He jumps into a really bad Texas Cloverleaf (called a Sharpshooter by Cole) but manages to get a rope. Alex hammers away and Miz is staggering. And never mind as Riley walks into the Skull Crushing Finale for the clean pin at 4:57.
Video on John Morrison who is coming back soon from his neck injury apparently.
WWE Championship Tournament Quarter-Finals: R-Truth vs. Jack Swagger
Swagger grabs a headlock to start us off. Truth keeps talking to himself as they circle each other a bit more. Apparently Big Show will be out for two months. Truth gets a victory roll for two as Truth does his weird pelvic thrust dance. Belly to belly gets two for Swagger. Swagger beats on Truth a bit more before the Vader Bomb gets two. Double chickenwing goes on Truth as the crowd doesn’t care. Truth starts his comeback but misses the Axe kick. It’s countered into the ankle lock but Truth counters into a rollup for the pin at 4:20.
WWE Championship Tournament Quarter-Finals: Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston
Alberto is VERY fired up about being Mr. Money in the Bank. He talks about trying to cash in last night but Punk ran away. Alberto has a surprise and RICARDO IS BACK! Why this is exciting is beyond me but you have to shout at a return!!! The bell rings after a break and Del Rio gets a fast seated dropkick to the back of the head for two. Alberto goes after the leg of Kofi which is a change of pace for him.
Kofi starts his jumping around and hits a back elbow to take Del Rio down. Rock apparently has begged Vince not to fire Cena. This match seems kind of rushed. Del Rio is sent to the floor and Kofi hits a sweet dive to take Alberto down. Kofi takes too long to come back in and gets caught by an enziguri for two. Off to a chinlock which doesn’t last long at all. Another kick gets two.
Elbow drop gets the same and we’re back to the chinlock. Kofi starts his comeback and the crowd finally reacts. Boom Drop is avoided though and Del Rio gets a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Cross armbreaker is countered into a rollup for the pin out of nowhere at approximately 5:00.
Summerslam Recall is from 1992 where Bulldog beat Bret.
Kofi says he’s excited and tonight is a new opportunity. That’s one down and two to go.
WWE Championship Tournament Quarter-Finals: Rey Mysterio vs. Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler trabs him to start but Rey speeds things up to escape. Rey is tossed to the floor and takes a nice flapjack to put him down again. In the ring that gets two as does a big elbow drop. Off to a stump puller which is an old school submission. Dolph takes him down to the mat and has been in control for most of the match. Splash in the corner misses though and Rey gets a quick two count.
Seated senton off the top hits but Ziggler gets a sunset flip. They exchange some kicks, resulting in Dolph getting a two count. Clothesline misses for Dolph and the sleeper is countered. Rey counters into a 619 attempt but Dolph ducks and hits a reverse slam for two. 619 hits on the second attempt and a top rope splash pins the US Champion clean at 5:00.
Jerry calls Punk the former champion.
Updated brackets:
Mysterio vs. R-Truth
Kofi vs. Miz
Vince is talking to Johnny Ace about the tournament.
Face Diva Team vs. Heel Diva Team
Like I’m listing off 12-14 Divas for a two minute match. Beth vs. Rosa to start and they botch something badly. Slingshot suplex hits and everything breaks down within about 15 seconds. Glam Slam and we’re done at 1:02. About as good as I was expecting. Anything with Kelly in those tiny white shorts is never a bad thing though.
WWE Championship Tournament Semi-Finals: Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz
Kofi immediately goes for the knee and Miz is having to fight through the issues. Kofi does his reversal off the ropes with his hair. They horribly botch a dropkick as Miz falls before it even hits. Double stomp gets two for Kofi but he gets crotched soon after that. Slingshot elbow gets two for Kofi but Miz rolls through a top rope cross body. He hits more or less a Stunner to the knee and loads up Trouble in Paradise, only for Miz to head to the apron to escape. Miz gets put into a rollup for two but gets a modified Snake Eyes and hits the Finale to end it at 3:45. Miz is bleeding from the mouth a bit.
Truth says he should be champion and there’s a conspiracy. The Little Jimmys better close their eyes because the title is gonna get got.
Video on Andy from Tough Enough who grew up in a very bad neighborhood apparently, complete with a meth lab.
WWE Championship Tournament Semi-Finals: Rey Mysterio vs. R-Truth
Truth takes over to start and pounds Rey down, hitting a suplex for two. They collide which of course goes badly for Rey, resulting in another two count. Off to a front facelock by Truth and a knee to Rey’s ribs stops him again. After a body scissors Rey gets some momentum, including a bad looking arm drag to put Truth on the floor. Rey hits a suicide dive and we take a break.
Back with Truth holding a chinlock. Apparently Rey tried two top rope moves during the break and was ½ with them. Truth gets an extra spinny forearm for two. 619 attempt is countered by a forearm for two. Back to the front facelock as it seems like both of them are spent. Truth charges at Rey in the corner but goes into the middle buckle instead. Rey still can’t keep any momentum going and Truth hits his suplex into the stunner for two. Rey goes to the apron and hits a headscissors to set up the 619. Top rope splash puts him into the finals at 12:48.
Rey stays in the ring for the main event which is next.
And before the bell here’s Vince in that pink jacket again. Miz isn’t even out there yet. Vince sounds like he calls it the WWF Title. I’m pretty sure he did. He has to hurry though because there’s something else he needs to do. No title match? Apparently not as Vince says this is bigger than Rey. Sadly enough he doesn’t make the required joke. Yep the match is postponed so no match here.
Vince reiterates that no one is bigger than the WWE, including John Cena. There’s a CM Punk chant. Vince talks about how this isn’t about his ego and how he did what was right from a business perspective. This was a long term decision and in time, the fans will thank him. Let’s get this over with apparently and here’s Cena.
Cena says he isn’t going to go through some big rant or tirade and he knows what’s coming. He isn’t going to go through what Shawn Michaels went through. Apparently this is about Montreal somehow and how Shawn had to go through the constant reminders of how he screwed Bret. Cena doesn’t want to be remembered as the guy that screwed CM Punk.
Last night was about Vince wanting to keep his bubble intact because no one can embarrass Vince. Vince needed a patsy but Cena wasn’t going to play ball that way. Cena tells Punk that was a great match. He wasn’t going to take the title that way because it would have made it look meaningless. That’s true to an extent. Cena says Vince now has about 8 months to find a new opponent for Rock. Somehow he’s sure Vince can pull it off though so it doesn’t really matter.
Cena says that we should just get to it. He says if Vince has to fire him here tonight, he’ll keep doing it on someone else’s TV show….Brother. Hokey smoke we just got an actual Impact reference. Cena starts to walk but Vince stops him. And…….it’s time to play the game? Here’s HHH of all people in a suit. Vince is all happy to see him but HHH isn’t thrilled.
There was a board of directors meeting this morning and he says that twice for some reason. The board is concerned about the current situation. HHH wants to take this to the back so it doesn’t have to be in person. The board however is about Vince. It’s true that Vince built all this, but at the same time they’re worried about Vince’s “extremely questionable decisions” as of late.
HHH again offers to take this to the back but Vince says do it here. The board has asked HHH to come here to tell Vince that there’s an injunction against him with a vote of no confidence. Vince laughs it off but apparently the family agrees. On top of that, the board has appointed someone to take over the day to day operations. That would be……HHH apparently. Cena IS NOT fired and HHH is about to cry. Vince is officially relieved of his duties (HUGE pop for that) and HHH breaks down. He loves “pop” and he’s sorry. Vince stands in the middle of the ring and HHH walks out. A thank you Vince chant ends this.
Results
The Miz b. Alex Riley – Skull Crushing Finale
R-Truth b. Jack Swagger – Rollup
Kofi Kingston b. Alberto Del Rio – Rollup
Rey Mysterio b. Dolph Ziggler – Top Rope Splash
Kelly Kelly/AJ/Kaitlyn/Gail Kim/Beth Phoenix/Eve Torres/Natalya b. Rosa Mendes/Tamina/Bella Twins/Maryse/Alicia Fox
The Miz b. Kofi Kingston – Skull Crushing Finale
Rey Mys-terio b. R-Truth – Top Rope Splash
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.2. Not very good all things considered.
NXT
Date: July 19, 2011
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Commentators: William Regal, Todd Grisham
We’re at episode 20 of this. I said episode 20. With no sign of this season ending, I really do wonder if they know where they’re going with this. It’s not like we haven’t seen these people wrestle a dozen or so times already anyway. The show is in desperate need of ending but since apparently FCW is so bad they can’t find five others to be in this, we’re stuck here some more. Let’s get to it.
We’re going to get the ending to Raw from last night later on apparently.
Maryse and Striker are in the ring and there’s a punching bag with Cole’s face on it. Here come the rookies. We go over the Redemption points which are totally worthless because Bateman has zero and O’Neil is so far ahead of everyone it’s unreal. This is the Dummy Demonstration which is why Cole’s face is on it. This is worth five points and apparently it’s whoever can have the best mini-match with the dummy. Are you serious?
Bateman makes fun of Titus and says he’s sorry to the dummy and loves it. I’ve been watching wrestling my entire life which is over 20 years. I have never, in my entire life, heard a crowd go as silent as they do when they get the idea of what this actually is. Bateman does some basic stuff and does something resembling commentary as he does it.
Young refuses to do it (give this man the prize right now!) because he’s proven himself already. Titus says Bateman should try those moves on him instead of the dummy. Whoever Young has faced doesn’t matter and Titus throws the dummy at Young who is on the floor. They actually ask the audience who won. Gee, could it be the person that has dominated the whole thing and is clearly the most popular? This very well may have been the biggest waste of time since the Gobbledygooker.
OH BOY!!! Now I get to watch Vladimir Kozlov vs. JTG! I’ve heard of Christmas in July but this is proof that the WWE is officially inside my head and knows everything I want to see!
JTG vs. Vladimir Kozlov
Before the match, JTG proves why he should never be handed a microphone and why I believe western civilization is in its decline, all in about 30 seconds. That’s impressive. We have to sit through an ad for WWE All-Stars first though. I wait on the edge of my seat! Remember that there’s some kind of a bet that Kozlov can’t be a gangster or something. I heard CM Punk has some experience with that so maybe Koz should go find the champ.
JTG takes over to start as Regal bashes him to keep up the tradition. Middle rope dropkick gets two. He takes Koz down again and stares at Regal before covering. Regal offers JTG lessons in how to finish opponents off. As long as he doesn’t go to Terri Runnels for advice on finishing guys off he’ll be fine. Chinlock goes on as this has been totally one sided. Koz fires back with his strikes but a powerslam doesn’t work. And never mind as that Iron Curtain or whatever it’s called ends this at 5:30.
Horny shows Maryse the candy he got last week and she says it’s not from her. He kind of humps her leg and she pours the candy on his head. Maryse leaves and he gets another package, this time an Ugly Doll. And yet that’s what they’re really called.
Yoshi’s shrine has been destroyed.
You know that line in the secondary theme song of “If I can make it through this, I can make it through anything” is WAY too accurate for this show.
Darren Young vs. Titus O’Neil
This is the 7th match that these two have had on this season alone, not counting triple threats or tags. Darren grabs a headlock which gets him nowhere as Titus hits a powerslam and abdominal stretch. He shouts out to the Minnesota crowd and no one cares. Big clothesline gets something close to a reaction and let’s hit that stretch again. Young tries to walk out and that doesn’t go well either. Darren gets tossed into the corner and crashes to the floor in a decent bump. They fight to the apron and Young manages a neckbreaker. Bateman (called Young by Grisham) comes out with a picture of Cole as we take a break.
Back with Young holding a chinlock. We talk about Daniel Bryan to fill some time as Titus fights back and hammers Young down in the corner resulting in a two count. Young stops him and we talk about some MITB cash-ins. Back to the chinlock as Horny plays cheerleader a bit. We get a Gordon Solie reference which is just an insult to his memory.
O’Neil gets a powerslam for two. Horny tries to come in for no apparent reason and Bateman trips O’Neil. Great line from the commentators: Todd: “Did you see that???” Regal: “No. I’m an old villain. I did NOT see that.” Doesn’t matter anyway because Titus hits the Clash of the Titus for the pin at 11:11.
Time for the Vince/HHH segment from last night, in its entirety. By that I mean including the Vince/Cena stuff. Huge moment and I can totally understand it airing here.
Results
Titus O’Neil won the Dummy Demonstration Challenge
Vladimir Kozlov b. JTG – Iron Curtain
Titus O’Neil b. Darren Young – Clash of the Titus
Wednesday
Same old, same old.
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: July 21, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Sting is world champion again and it's time to begin the road to Hardcore Justice and his match with Angle. It seems that they're going to build towards the main event on the idea that Angle has never beaten Sting which isn't true but it was long enough ago that I doubt many people remember it. Anyway, there's also a BFG Series four way ladder match tonight so let's get to it.
We open with a recap of last week with the clowns and Sting winning the title thanks to Angle.
Here's the new champ to open the show. He says hi to his mom and says that he's back on track now, much to the chagrin of Hogan and Bischoff. He's still insane here. Game on apparently. Sting says this is supposed to be the part of the promo where he's supposed to talk about how we can do this the easy way or the hard way but he stops and says it'll just be his way.
Sting says he's insane and there's a good feeling about it. The insane asylum is open now. He wants Hogan and Bischoff to come out and here's a clown instead. It's Angle and he takes off the mask to prove it. He gets in the ring and says he respects Sting because Sting is the champion. Even though Sting is trying to get the company back in the hands of Dixie Carter, Sting has what Angle wants.
Angle says that both of them are legends but only one can be champion. It has to be him because he's given himself no other choice. Sting says that they have a dilemma here but Immortal, in the form of Anderson and Ray, cut them off. Ray mentions the obvious tag match and talks about using a bat on the ribs of Angle, like Angle did last week. Ray works hard on his abs and didn't like a bat going into them. Anderson says he didn't work so hard to get it all taken away from him like that. Sting has to deal with him tonight.
Bound For Glory standings:
Crimson 31
Gunner 21
D-Von 21
Matt Morgan 14
AJ Styles 14
James Storm 14
Rob Van Dam 14
Bully Ray 14
Scott Steiner 7
Bobby Roode 7
The Pope 0
Samoa Joe 0
Bound For Glory Series: Scott Steiner vs. Rob Van Dam
Steiner jumps him almost immediately and hits the overhead belly to belly to take over. Rob can't get anything going and we hit a bow and arrow hold. Steiner looks like he has a new tattoo that looks like a chain around his neck. Rob gets out of the corner and this a nice superkick to put Scott down for a second. Out to the floor and RVD gets the spinning leg drop which needs a name.
Back inside and Steiner wants time out. Rob instead hits him in the face. Steiner gets a boot up in the corner and hits the spinning belly to belly. Now Rob gets a foot in Scott's face to set up Rolling Thunder for two. Into the corner they go and Scott gets an elevated Downward Spiral for two as Rob gets his foot on the rope. Steiner Line sets up the pushups which the referee goes up and down with for some reason. Steiner yells at him for it and Rob rolls him up for the pin at 6:05.
Mickie is here and wants to talk to Velvet. Here she is completely with the shaking entrance. Mickie talks about how she's seen people going after Velvet and blame her for all kinds of stuff. That's why Mickie is honored to give Velvet her first title shot tonight. They hug and here are Winter and Angelina. Love says that this is about competition so Velvet and Mickie should just go get a hotel room.
She finally has gotten what Winter has been trying to tell her: she's a five time Women's Champion and yet no one gives her the respect she deserves. This is old school Angelina here. She'll get the title back no matter who wins tonight. Winter says she'll win at Hardcore Justice and the title will be theirs. Night is about to fall according to the seasonal one.
Sarita and Rosita jump Tessmacher and Tara on their way to the ring. They have a tag match later.
Back and the beating is still going on. As least take the skirt off Tessmacher! Madison jumps in and it's a big beatdown. Sarita has a face guard on which we'll get the story on later.
We get comments from all four people in the ladder match tonight. Joe says he's the best and he's taking the opportunity he's been given. Morgan says he doesn't care who's in there with him, he's getting the ten points. Gunner says he's destined to be a world champion. AJ says he'll win because he's Bound For Glory. Daniels comes in to talk to AJ and says not in front of the camera. The camera stays anyway and AJ isn't happy with what Daniels says, then slams the door on the camera.
We get a video “shot on a cell phone” of a brawl last week between the same chicks where Sarita got her face hurt.
Knockouts Tag Titles: Sarita/Rosita vs. Miss Tessmacher/Tara
Tara and Tessmacher wait for the champs to come through the curtain to jump them. After a beating in the aisle there's the bell. A double team sends Tara to the floor and Tessmacher hits a double clothesline. Hey, since there are four hot chicks in the ring, let's show the old Spanish announce team! Tessmacher gets beaten down as we start the actual match here. There's the required USA chant as Tessmacher takes Rosita down. Just not down enough for a tag.
Everything breaks down quickly as Hebner puts Tara out. More double teaming gets two on Tessmacher. Tara comes in again and throws Tessmacher to their own corner to guarantee a hot tag. Tara cleans house with some awkward looking punches. Widow's Peak is set up forever but doesn't hit Sarita because Madison runs in to break it up. Sarita rolls Tara up but only gets two. Tessmacher is thrown into Sarita and actually manages a Stratusfaction bulldog. Tara hits a chokebomb and Tessmacher gets a small package for stereo pins at 4:43 to give us new champs.
Bound For Glory Series: Samoa Joe vs. AJ Styles vs. Matt Morgan vs. Gunner
This is a ladder match and good for ten points. Gunner and AJ start on the floor. Morgan is in all white and here comes the ladder. Joe hits a baseball slide to take out Gunner and AJ. Now Morgan and Joe are fighting over the ladder so Gunner takes it in the face instead. AJ gets up to a huge pop and slams the ladder into I think Morgan's hand. Morgan grabs a chokeslam but AJ backflips out of it.
Pele puts Morgan down in the corner but Gunner gets back in with a slingshot suplex to Styles. AJ sends him to the floor as the ladder hasn't been unfolded yet. Morgan in control again and he throws AJ into the ladder. AJ walks up the ladder but jumps into a fallaway slam. Joe hits a senton backsplash and sets up the ladder. Gunner is back in to break it up though as the pacing in this is fast so far. Joe hits the ropes and dives onto Morgan.
Gunner goes up the ladder but AJ springboards onto said ladder and the slugout is on. Gunner goes down and Joe makes the save. Pele takes Joe down and AJ sets the ladder again. Gunner clears the ring again. Carbon Footprint kills Gunner dead though and Morgan wins at 5:00. Shortest ladder match ever perhaps?
Eric Young is in some story trying to defend the TV Title. He wants to defend against C Lo Green but it's D'Lo Brown. Brown says this is stupid and tries to leave. Young rolls him up and runs. Brown says Young better recognize.
X-Division Title: Brian Kendrick vs. Alex Shelley
They shake hands pre match. Kendrick misses a dropkick to start and Shelly rolls him up very quickly for two. Shelley keeps using weird rollup combinations which are kind of cool. They speed things up and Kendrick tries Sliced Bread #2 which they both use as their finisher. Neither can hit it so Shelley works on the ribs a bit. Surfboard goes on but it's not the awesome lifting version.
Dive by Kendrick is blocked by a kick that might have connected but I'm not sure. Top rope cross body only gets two but he gets it three times. Only in wrestling is 2+2+2 not more than three. Shelley hammers off some forearms but Kendrick gets one of his own and a leg lariat to send Alex to the floor. The dive hits this time and Shelley is in trouble. Back in the ring a top rope splash misses and Shelley hits Sliced Bread on the apron. Both guys are down on the floor now. Shelley throws him back in but Austin Aries pops up and hits Shelley in the head with the X Title and Kendrick pins him at 5:30. Don't think Kendrick saw it.
Kendrick isn't happy with the interference by Aries.
Mexican America complains because that's what they do. Here's Beer Money for the staredown before Hardcore Justice. Storm says shut up and go cut his grass. Storm hypes up Roode as being awesome and says he (Storm) is a country boy (said in a bit more elaborate way). Beer Money is better and they're going to beat the Mexicans for the people and for the Mexican legends. Storm says go mark your calendars because at the PPV, Beer Money is shutting them up. Roode says sorry about your luck to end this. Really liked this as it made me want to see them fight, which is the entire point of promos.
Knockouts Title: Mickie James vs. Velvet Sky
Winter and Angelina come out and jump Mickie before the match. Velvet comes out to help and it's more like a tag match than a regular one. The nice girls beat down the evil ones but ODB and Jackie come through the crowd to beat down Mickie and Velvet. Dang it NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU. Traci Brooks of all people comes out for the save. It's a big brawl and no match actually happens. The fans say let them fight and ODB loses a shoe somehow. ODB and Jackie beat up various men and that's about it. Oh and cops take them away in cuffs.
Traci doesn't like Jackie and ODB.
Bully Ray/Mr. Anderson vs. Sting/Kurt Angle
Ray cuts off Anderson's entrance because it's what the fans want to hear. Anderson does it anyway. We get big match intros to make sure that they don't have enough time for a lot of wrestling here. Ray jumps Sting from behind to start and knocks him into Angle who goes to the floor. Off to Anderson who hammers away on Clown Boy. Sting plays Ricky Morton for awhile with Anderson going after his knees. Ray misses the backsplash of course and Sting brings in Kurt as Anderson is tagged also. House is cleaned and a Stinger Splash and Angle Slam end Anderson at 4:00. Well that was quick
Sting asks Angle if he's gone too far and leaves Angle in the ring to end the show.
Results
Rob Van Dam b. Scott Steiner – Rollup
Miss Tessmacher/Tara b. Sarita/Rosita – Chokebomb to Sarita
Matt Morgan b. AJ Styles, Samoa Joe and Gunner – Morgan grabbed the contract
Brian Kendrick b. Alex Shelley – Kendrick pinned Shelly after Austin Aries hit Shelley with the belt
Kurt Angle/Sting b. Mr. Anderson/Bully Ray – Angle Slam to Anderson
Friday
Impact got a 1.25, up a bit from last week.
Smackdown
Date: July 22, 2011
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews
Money in the Bank is over and the question is simple: can Christian make it through one whole show as world champion? He won the title from Orton in the first instance I can ever remember where the “if the champion gets disqualified he loses the title” stipulation actually worked. Also Daniel Bryan now has the MITB case so there's always the chance of a cash in starting tonight. Let's get to it.
We open the show with Orton sitting in a chair in the middle of the ring. His says his name is Randy Orton. I wonder if he loves to fight. Although there's a lot going on in the WWE at the moment, this show isn't going anywhere until his issue with Christian is settled. We get a clip of Orton destroying Christian post match and here's the new champion.
Christian wants to know what unfinished business Orton is talking about. Orton says as long as Christian is breathing there's unfinished business. Christian thinks the unfinished business is with the voices Orton has in his head. Orton says Christian has been hiding behind a team of lawyers but Christian says Orton simply broke the rules. Christian says that he's been fighting incompetence for a long time now and also the unseen forces that keeps Randy on top. He's beaten them all though and is now a two time world champion.
There won't be a celebration tonight because nothing has changed over the last few months. He's not going to talk to these people because they still treat him badly. Orton says these people are going to see him beat Christian tonight because he wants his rematch. Christian says no because rematches don't grow on trees. Is he new here or something?
The champ says he's going to leave and talk to his lawyers about the situation. Orton comes after him but here's Teddy of course to break that up. Teddy says Orton will get his rematch but not tonight because he has Kane in a street fight. Orton needs to be the bigger man and that just doesn't happen. He takes Christian down and hammers away for a bit until the referees pull him off. Christian gets in Teddy's face but Teddy says get to the ring because Christian has a match with Big Zeke right now.
Ezekiel Jackson vs. Christian
Non-title here. Jackson comes out after a quick break. Christian immediately heads to the floor to hide for a bit. They get into the ring and no mention has been made yet of their ECW days. Total power game from Jackson to start us off and a long gorilla press slam puts the Canadian down. Jackson slams him again and sends him to the floor as we take a break. Back with Jackson slamming Christian into the announce table on the floor.
Christian ducks low and Jackson eats steps and the momentum shifts. That gets two back in the ring. Christian uses some basic stuff but Jackson gets a shot to the ribs and takes over one more time. Actually scratch that as Christian nails him in the ribs and stops the momentum. Booker says Christian can pull this off. He's the world champion. Shouldn't it be Jackson that can pull this off?
Off to a chinlock and it's Jackson in trouble again. Jackson escapes with a Samoan Drop and starts firing off clotheslines. Christian avoids one but can't hit the Killswitch. Here come the slams but Christian escapes and goes to the knee. Killswitch doesn't work again and Jackson gets him on his shoulder. Jackson charges shoulder first into the post though and the Killswitch ends this at 6:39 shown of 10:09.
Here's Cole to bring out Daniel Bryan. Cole says it was a fluke win at MITB and Bryan says he doesn't care what Cole says. Cole makes fun of Bryan for being all valiant but he knows Bryan is going to cash in like everyone else has: when the champion is down and out. Bryan doesn't deserve to have that case. Bryan says Cole didn't deserve to be in a featured match at Mania. No one deserves anything in this company and he's earned his spot over the last 12 years.
He lists off some of his injuries such as a detached retina and not being able to hear out of his left ear due to being kicked in the head so much. However he won't quit because he's dreamed of being WWE Champion since he was a kid. The person who holds the case can cash it in whenever and wherever they want. Bryan however is going to cash it in at Wrestlemania. I'll believe that when I see it. Heath Slater of all people comes out and calls Bryan a loser.
Heath Slater vs. Daniel Bryan
Slater starts off in trouble and has to escape the LeBell Lock by going to the floor. We take a break and come back with Bryan tossing him around with an armdrag. Bryan is now in the top of Booker's Fave Five now. Slater throws on a headlock and takes over. Hard whip into the corner puts Bryan down. Bryan starts fighting back and the crowd is cheering so hard that they're not even moving.
Booker says Slater has the same amount of charisma as a bowl full of turnips. Slater puts him down again as Cole keeps saying it was a fluke. Back to the chinlock as Booker and Cole get into their bickering again. Josh as usual gets us back to the match because he's the responsible one. Bryan makes a comeback with a flying forearm and both guys are down. Daniel lowers his head and gets kicked in the face for his troubles.
Slater charges at him and goes crashing to the floor. Bryan hits a running kick from the apron and back inside we go. Missile dropkick gets two. Slater grabs a spinebuster for two. Pinfall reversal sequence gets some two counts for both guys. Bryan sets for what looks like a tornado DDT but goes into a guillotine choke instead for the tap at 7:25 shown of 10:55.
We recap Big Show vs. Henry at the PPV where Henry hurt Show's leg post match.
Henry says the destruction will never end because the attack on Show gave him a pleasure. If it sounds like he's talking about himself, it's because he is. His words there, not mine.
We get the Vince/Cena/HHH video from Raw which eats up about ten minutes. Josh wouldn't say Punk's name leading into the segment.
Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett
Fallout from the MITB build here. The announcers touch on Cara being out due to the “injuries” he suffered in the ladder match. Sheamus hammers him down to start but Barrett gets his foot up in the corner to take over. Cole says Sheamus has a degree in computer technology and Barrett has one in marine biology. Never would have guessed those. Wade chokes Sheamus out on the top rope and then kicks pale boy to the floor.
That gets two back in the ring. Barrett has been dropped from the Fave Five. We get a Harvey Whippleman reference for no apparent reason. Sheamus grabs the Irish Curse for two. He pounds away even more like the brawler he is and they head to the floor. It turns into a slugout and neither guy can really get an advantage. They fight to the announce table and it's a double countout at 4:29.
They keep fighting post match and Barrett tries Wasteland, only to take the Brogue Kick to leave Sheamus standing tall.
Kane says he's going to unleash his pain and misery tonight. Lately he's been haunted and tonight he's going to try to escape that. He's been feeling too human lately and doesn't like it at all. He uses the Devil's Favorite Demon line for the first time in many months.
Randy Orton vs. Kane
This is a street fight. They have a ton of time left to do this also. Kane fires away to start and beats Orton down in the corner. Orton gets a boot up though and there's the Thesz Press. Kane grabs him by the throat but Orton counters into a failed RKO attempt. Out to the floor we go They fight up the ramp and neither guy can get much of an extended advantage.
Orton rams Kane into the railing and finds a kendo stick. He's getting all googly eyed and slides back in so he can bust out the elevated DDT. That fails completely and Orton is sent back over the top and out to the floor. Orton goes into the railing as we take a break. Back with Kane still in control and getting a two count. Orton low bridges Kane to send him to the floor but jumps into an uppercut.
Kane sets up the announce table but Orton escapes the chokeslam attempt. Orton climbs up onto the table to escape but it falls forward and Randy is holding his knee. He's up again but he's limping. Kane's knees go into the steps in a wicked shot and Randy hammers away. Orton puts Kane's leg on the step and stomps it into the steel and then slams the steps down onto it. We take another break and come back with Orton hammering away at the leg/ankle.
Kane fires off a big boot to take Orton down. He goes up but Orton avoids him and sends Kane's shoulder into the post. Elevated DDT hits and it's RKO time. That doesn't work and Kane hits the side slam for two. Now the big clothesline hits and Kane calls for the chokeslam. Orton is like screw that and grabs an RKO out of nowhere for a VERY close two. Kane can't get up so Orton sets up the Punt. The Big Bald pops up and hits a chokeslam for two.
We take an almost unprecedented third break as this match is going to get 20 minutes minimum. Back with Kane picking up a chair. He drills Orton four times with it and loads up a tombstone onto it. Randy escapes that and also escapes a chokeslam onto it. The RKO onto the chair ends this at 14:08 shown of 25:38 (remember that I assume 3:30 per break so the match could have been much shorter or even a bit longer).
Post match Kane takes his glove off and shakes hands with Randy. I don't ever remember seeing his right hand. Kane gets up after Orton leaves and the fans applaud him. Geez another turn for the Big Bald? Mark Henry comes out before Kane can leave though and he doesn't look nice. Remember Kane has a very bad knee here and can barely stand. Kane fires off on him but Henry takes the knee out. Henry gets him down as I guess Kane's new buddy Orton doesn't need to help Kane. Kane gets the same treatment Show got at the PPV.
Results
Christian b. Ezekiel Jackson – Killswitch
Daniel Bryan b. Heath Slater – Guillotine choke
Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett went to a double countout
Randy Orton b. Kane – RKO onto a chair
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Nothing here either.
Quick Results
Raw
The Miz b. Alex Riley – Skull Crushing Finale
R-Truth b. Jack Swagger – Rollup
Kofi Kingston b. Alberto Del Rio – Rollup
Rey Mysterio b. Dolph Ziggler – Top Rope Splash
Kelly Kelly/AJ/Kaitlyn/Gail Kim/Beth Phoenix/Eve Torres/Natalya b. Rosa Mendes/Tamina/Bella Twins/Maryse/Alicia Fox
The Miz b. Kofi Kingston – Skull Crushing Finale
Rey Mysterio b. R-Truth – Top Rope Splash
NXT
Titus O’Neil won the Dummy Demonstration Challenge
Vladimir Kozlov b. JTG – Iron Curtain
Titus O’Neil b. Darren Young – Clash of the Titus
Impact
Rob Van Dam b. Scott Steiner – Rollup
Miss Tessmacher/Tara b. Sarita/Rosita – Chokebomb to Sarita
Matt Morgan b. AJ Styles, Samoa Joe and Gunner – Morgan grabbed the contract
Brian Kendrick b. Alex Shelley – Kendrick pinned Shelly after Austin Aries hit Shelley with the belt
Kurt Angle/Sting b. Mr. Anderson/Bully Ray – Angle Slam to Anderson
Smackdown
Christian b. Ezekiel Jackson – Killswitch
Daniel Bryan b. Heath Slater – Guillotine choke
Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett went to a double countout
Randy Orton b. Kane – RKO onto a chair