klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Apparently Great Khali was supposed to make an appearance in India over the weekend and had to pull out. He told the promoter and the promoter kept billing him anyway. Riots broke out when Khali couldn’t be there. He got arrested.
Monday Night Raw
Date: May 10, 2010
Location: The Igloo, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
Guest Host: Flava Flav
We open with the opening video. What else would we open with? Actually it’s a recap of Edge vs. Orton which goes on for about 4 minutes. Why not just reair the whole thing? And no theme song. Instead it’s Orton. Not bad I guess. He calls out Edge but he gets….Meat Loaf. Oh my head hurts. The fans want an RKO. I want a stiff drink. Orton standing there looking about to explode is great stuff.
Finally he hits the RKO, but Meat Loaf takes it like a Stunner. And here’s Edge. Apparently Edge doesn’t like the guest hosts either so they no longer have power. We need a permanent GM according to the…..I feel Vickie coming. Please don’t do this to me. And it’s…..Vickie Guerrero. Oh the fans are not happy at all. She says we get Orton vs. Edge and a partner he picks in a handicap match.
Jericho and Miz are in the back and Jericho has a match next.
We come back and see Orton hitting the RKStunner on Mr. Loaf.
If Jericho wins here, he and Miz get a tag title shot. Nothing like two thrown together guys with something resembling a connection I guess.
Chris Jericho vs. David Hart Smith
Well this is the better choice I guess. Kidd isn’t here because he fights Miz tonight. Ok then. If Miz loses, he has to defend the US Title against an unspecified Hart Family member next week in Toronto. Ok then. We get the delayed vertical to start things off so at least the tradition is still there. There isn’t much here but Smith is getting needed ring time. Sharpshooter hooks which confuses Cole for no apparent reason. Codebreaker finishes clean, setting up Harts vs. Miz/Jericho at Over the Limit.
Edge is talking to Batista who is in a skull cap and looks idiotic. Tonight we have the stipulation reveal.
Oh and Flava Flav is here.
The guest host (not using that stupid name and insulting the English language again is here with R-Truth.
R-Truth vs. William Regal
Please let this be quick. Ok wait the guest host wants to talk. WE GET IT YOU CAN TELL THE CROWD TO TALK! Finally Regal gets in there to make this bearable. And here are the Colons after about 8 seconds, beating the hell out of Truth. The guest host is on commentary and is annoying as hell again. DiBiase with the Million Dollar Belt stands at the entrance and hands them money. I like that a lot.
We get a quick video package on Eve whick makes her look decent. And now we have Maryse in a Jujitsu instructor teaching her how to fight. She slaps him.
Josh Matthews is with Orton who says he wants Vickie at ringside. His eyes are GREAT.
No commercials next week and Buzz Aldrin is host. Oh dear. Alicia Fox and Gail Kim are here to see Zach Ryder again.
Zach Ryder vs. Evan Bourne
This could be decent. After a short match, Alicia tries to help Ryder but Gail stops her. And Gail left TNA and the Women’s Title for this. Right. Air Bourne ends it.
We recap Sheamus jumping Cena last week. The three way feud could work very well if done right actually.
Back from a break Cena is here. He says he beat him last time through intelligence rather than strength. This one will be brutal. If Batista wins, Cena won’t use his rematch clause. Nice to hear. The match is I Quit. Uh, ok. Here’s Sheamus. Batista comes in from behind as Sheamus is coming to the ring. Double beatdown ensues. Of all people, MARK HENRY comes out for the save.
Edge has a partner. Vickie is going to be at ringside tonight and Vickie might fire him.
Tyson Kidd vs. The Miz
Kidd wins with a rollup in like 45 seconds. Ok then. According to Miz, he gets to pick the opponent for next week. He picks BRET. Oh this could be interesting.
Henry vs. Batista next.
Ok apparently it isn’t. The 8 NXT Rookies are here and they’re in an 8-4 handicap match vs. Raw pros. Ok then.
NXT Rookies vs. John Morrison/Yoshi Tatsu/Goldust/Santino Marella
Uh…yeah. Goldust vs. Barrett starts us off. Yoshi has tassels on his arms like Ultimate Warrior used to. Tatsu vs. Gabriel is a nice little mini-match. Otunga is in now. Morrison and Slater come in and you would assume they’re for Morrison. The handicap is a nice dynamic actually and it’s working pretty well. Starship Pain is blocked. Bryan pins Sanino. Oh damn it.
We recap McIntyre and his stuff from Smackdown. Something tells me he’s coming to Raw.
The Bellas talk to the guest host and it makes my head hurt. Vladmir and Santino are here. Regal shows up, AND RAPS. It’s actually not bad, but to say it’s funny is an understatement. The guest host has a new TV show. If it lasts 3 months I’ll be STUNNED.
Batista vs. Mark Henry
The Animal comes out and sits in a chair as we go to commercial. Ok then. Back from break he gets out of the chair and uses it for the quick…non DQ apparently as the match never started. So there is no match. We get something close to the Rings of Saturn as Henry cries like a big girly man.
We plug Meat Loaf’s album. I don’t care either.
Sheamus vs. Cena next week.
Randy Orton vs. Edge/Ted DiBiase
Didn’t see that one coming. Ok, where’s R-Truth? Orton is mostly getting dominated here as you would expect but he starts beating the heels up and things pick up a lot. After about 6 minutes, DiBiase gets thrown outside and here’s R-Truth. He chases him back into the ring for the RKO. Orton goes after Vickie and she threatens to fire her but resigns and runs off. Edge gets an RKO on the floor and replays end the show.
Results
Chris Jericho b. David Hart Smith – Codebreaker
R-Truth b. William Regal via disqualification – Colons interference
Evan Bourne b. Zach Ryder – Air Bourne
Tyson Kidd b. The Miz – Rollup
NXT Rookies b. John Morrison/Santino Marella/Goldust/Yoshi Tatsu – Rollup on Santino
Randy Orton b. Ted DiBiase/Edge – RKO to DiBiase
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.1.
NXT
Date: May 11, 2010
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews
It’s elimination week and we get a nice package recapping most of the time so far. Remember Gabriel has immunity.
The poll coming into tonight.
1. Daniel Bryan
2. Wade Barrett
3. Justin Gabriel
4. Heath Slater
5. David Otunga
6. Skip Sheffield
7. Michael Tarver
8. Darren Young
I freaking LOVE that theme song.
Striker is at ringside and brings out the rookies. Otunga has headphones on. Ok then. We see last night where Bryan got a pin. Does that count or not? Due to what Tarver said last week, he’s gone. But wait…if that’s the only reason, isn’t Bryan gone too? YES IT DOES! This just got very interesting very quickly. In other words, Tarver and Bryan are DONE. There’s STILL a poll tonight, meaning Young, Sheffield, Barrett, Otunga or Slater is gone.
Barrett vs. Slater when we get back.
Heath Slater vs. Wade Barrett
Slater – 5-3
Barrett – 5-4
I’m interested all over again in this. Decent little match but not much to say about it. Slater has a weird style of throwing punches actually. Barrett catches him in a cross body and slams him straight down for the pin. Nicely done.
Tarver all of a sudden has a heart and mentions that he has a family. His promos are improving but they’re just up to strange. He walks off and Striker wishes him the best in his future endeavors. Can you say smark joke?
Skip Sheffield vs. Darren Young
Sheffield – 1-5
Young – 7-2
No Straightedges for Young tonight but Regal is there. We hear Sheffield’s workout regimen and it’s impressive sounding. Something tells me the loser goes home here. Young plays to the crowd decently I guess. Now if only someone cared. Sheffield hits his over the shoulder Stunner for the surprising pin. He’s 2-5 and Young is 7-3, which I believe is still the best.
Let’s recap Smackdown because….uh just because I guess. Read the reviews I write if you want to know the highlights.
Let’s recap what’s happened on tonight’s show. We could reach a point where we’re recapping recaps I guess.
Bryan says Daniel Bryan is dead, but Bryan Danielson is awesome. That was interesting.
David Otunga vs. Justin Gabriel
Otunga – 4-4
Gabriel – 5-2
This is pure filler. Gabriel has some decent charisma and the crowd is into this to a degree so that’s a good sign. A Farrooq like spinebuster gets Otunga to 5-4. Nice one.
We come back from the final break and we have the rookies asked who should go. Young says Barrett should be gone. Slater says Otunga because he doesn’t belong here. So does Gabriel. Sheffield makes it three straight. Otunga says everyone but he can’t do that so he says Slater because he’s a wannabe. Barrett goes Otunga also.
Time for the poll. All of the pros vote but can’t vote for their own guy.
1. Wade Barrett
2. David Otunga
3. Justin Gabriel
4. Heath Slater
We go American Idol style here with the two of them standing there waiting. And here are the results.
5. Darren Young
6. Skip Sheffield
Can’t say I’m surprised, but Sheffield will get a job in WWE anyway based on his look. Sheffield says he’ll be back and thanks Regal. Another elimination next week.
Wednesday
Say it with me: Nothing happened today.
Ah wait. Apparently Waltman is officially done with TNA. So no one left a nothing company. Got it.
Thursday
Apparently Beth Phoenix has fucked her knee up with a torn ACL. That’s a LONG layoff.
Impact
Date: May 13, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Taz, Mike Tenay
Episode Title: Three Tickets to Sacrifice
Guess what the first thing we open with is. Go on. Guess. It’s a recap of last week with Sting/Hogan.
Show actually opens with Bischoff. Better than nothing. Oh and the fans are listening to the fans about moving to Thursdays. They sure are. They heard no one watching and they left Mondays. Eric loves us all. I’ve missed that line. He brings out RVD. Not bad so far.
I’ll give them this: putting the title on RVD is smart. Jeff Hardy wins the poll this week so tonight it’s Van Dam vs. Hardy. Although, no one can find Jeff. Oh dear. Here’s AJ. He says he wants the match tonight. Hardy comes out, apparently just running about 5 minutes late. Yep it’s a threeway.
We’re back with another threeway: the Beautiful People. This is pointless.
Taylor Wilde vs. Tara
Something tells me this isn’t going to go well. Sarita is sent to the back as we get WWE references. Apparently Abyss vs. Wolfe at the PPV will be Ring vs. Chelsea. Oh good night. Taylor botches….something and gets kicked in the ribs for the pin. Tara uses the knee brace on Taylor after the match. Sarita makes the save.
Something is going on in the back with some chick that might have been Chelsea. The former Simon Diamond throws us out. After commercial it’s something to do with police and her being attacked or whatever. I bet it was Goldberg. He did it to Liz in 99.
Douglas Williams vs. Brian Kendrick
Kazarian comes out for commentary. The belt is laying in the corner. He doesn’t run down and grab it….why? Kaz comes down to get it but Kendrick rolls him up for the win. Williams grabs the belt.
Hey look, more Chelsea stuff. Simon Diamond can’t say who it was but can’t believe what he heard. This is going to wind up being stupid isn’t it?
Christy knows the accused guy but can’t say it.
Generation Me vs. Matt Morgan
Oh of course they get killed. Morgan talks during the match. He calls out….Hogan. Of course. He sets for the same kick he gave to Hernandez, but here’s Joe. Morgan, like an idiot, goes to the corner. Muscle Buster and down goes Joe. Match was a no contest I guess.
And here’s Kevin Nash with the Feast or Fired Briefcase. Remember that? Yeah I don’t either. He won it 5 months ago. Has it been mentioned since then? And yes, the Outsiders are the new tag champions.
Ink Inc says something that you can barely understand. I think they still have a title match on Sunday.
Ink Inc. vs. Team 3D vs. Beer Money vs. Motor City Machine Guns
Not much here. The Guns do one of their great sequences. The Dudleys do a Doomsday Device. 3D is broken up. I skipped talking about the first five minutes or so. Neal hits a spear on Bubba and amazingly doesn’t bounce off the fat. Yep there’s the pin.
Flair talks about the main event.
Hardy and Van Dam suck each other’s dicks for a bit.
Global Champonship: Rob Terry vs. Abyss
And we go to the back where Abyss is being arrested. Seriously, who didn’t see this coming? Wolfe jumps him as he’s being put in the car. Nothing weird about this at all. Hey look it’s Hogan. The earring on Hogan totally kills it. He takes Abyss’ mask off but we can’t see anything.
No match obviously. Jordan jumps Terry of course. So a chair shot to the head doesn’t hurt him at all but a forearm to the back does. Terry takes a pipe to the back and puts something saying The Wild Card on his back. Is there any point to this character at all? Apparently they have a match Sunday.
After a commercial Jordan talks about being a Wild Card. He issues a challenge…and it’s Tomko. Naturally he’s in his gear already.
Tomko vs. Orlando Jordan
Orlando Jordan is fighting Tyson Tomko. Do I even need to make fun of this? Jordan wins a far too long match with a guillotine choke.
Lacey comes in to Hogan’s office all sad and shows him a video on a cell phone as we go to break.
Tara vs. Sarita
Ok then. They get to the ring after about a minute of bad brawling. Sarita goes for the knee brace but the referee pulls her off. He gets elbowed in the face. That’s not a DQ somehow and Tara nails her for the pin.
AJ is ready.
Video about Sting’s idiotic heel turn.
AJ Styles vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Rob Van Dam
This starts at 10:38. Naturally it’s over before a quarter till. This isn’t much at all but it’s ok. After some basic stuff, Anderson comes down and beats up Jeff. AJ hits a nice plancha, DDT’s RVD on the floor and then rolls RVD in, using the ropes for the pin.
Post match, Hardy calls out Anderson. He declines and here’s Hogan. After a commercial, Hardy beats up Anderson including a big old Swanton through a table.
We see footage of Chelsea and Wolfe planning the whole assault deal. Yep it was faked.
A 4 minute music video/highlight package ends this. No, really. That’s how the show ends.
Results
Tara b. Taylor Wilde – Kick to the stomach
Brian Kendrick b. Douglas Williams - Rollup
Matt Morgan vs. Generation Me went to a no contest
Kevin Nash/Scott Hall b. Matt Morgan – Cover after Muscle Buster from Samoa Joe
Ink Inc b. Team 3D, Motor City Machine Guns and Beer Money – Spear on Brother Ray
Orlando Jordan b. Tomko – Guillotine Choke
Tara b. Sarita – Knee Brace to the head
AJ Styles b. Rob Van Dam and Jeff Hardy – DDT on the floor and feet on the ropes
Friday
Impact got a .93. NXT got a .8. Seriously, the C show is getting comparable numbers to TNA’s first run A show. What does that tell you? Also, methinks Thursday at 9 on Spike is a better time slot thatn 10 on Sci-Fi.
Smackdown
Date: May 14, 2010
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Commentators: Matt Striker, Todd Grisham
We open with a recap of Hardy vs. McIntyre last week. Ok we get it: it was a brutal moment but we don’t need to see it FOUR TIMES in a week.
Intercontinental Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Christian
This should be good. Striker says that based on his in ring experience with Kofi, he knows how unorthodox his offense is. So apparently Ross and Cole have been in the ring with him too since they’ve both said that many times. So far so good with the match as they do some nice acrobatic stuff. Christian goes for his springboard dive to the floor but his head slams into Kofi’s. That sounded SICK.
We get a Scott Norwood reference as the problem Striker has becomes apparent: a LOT of people won’t get that joke (he was a kicker for the Buffalo Bills which is where the show is happening). The problem though is not a ton of people are likely to get that, but who cares about something like that? Christian reverses that reverse leapfrog that Kofi does into an electric chair which was nice.
This is REALLY fast paced and it’s working very well indeed. Lot of near falls too. Solid stuff here. Killswitch doesn’t work and I think Christian is bleeding from the mouth. There’s your jumping back elbow! NOW THAT’S MORE LIKE IT! Christian goes for a second rope sunset flip but gets caught by Trouble in Paradise after Kofi rolls out of it for the pin and the IC Title! Very fun match. They shake hands after the match which is always a nice touch.
And here’s Drew McIntyre, who despite being fired still has theme music. So since I’m not employed by Smackdown, I can walk to the ring with theme music? AWESOME. He pulls a letter from his pocket and hands it to Long who presented the belt to Kofi. After reading it, Teddy takes the belt from Kofi and gives it back to Drew. After the show (I think so at least but I watch this on Saturday night) the simple match was announced for Over the Limit: these two for the belt. Drew is getting the heel thing fast.
Back from commercial, Striker gets the letter from the ring and reads it. It more or less says Teddy abused his power and Drew rocks. It’s signed by Vince.
We recap Show vs. Swagger. That punch from two weeks ago is still great. Now we see a truck with a bunch of boxes being unloaded as Swagger, ROCKING a suit, says that everything in them is fragile. Seriously, the suit looks awesome on him.
Shad Gaspar vs. Jesse Guyver
Shad has new music. I still don’t care. Holy shit this could be an honest to goodness squash. Shad is called Brooklyn’s Beast. He was Da Beast in OVW so that could be a bad reference. Yep Shad dominates him and an STO ends it. I still don’t care.
Mysterio vs. Punk tonight and we get clips of their feud. Rey could lose at the PPV.
MVP/JTG vs. The Dude Busters
Anyone want to bet on the winner here? Any bets on it being the random thrown together guys beating the tag team that has entertainment value? Oh and any Nation of Domination jokes and I’ll hand you a body part. The idea of the Dude Busters kind of cracks me up but I’m not entirely sure if it does or not.
Apparently JTG said that it may be Shad’s time but it’s half past Me O’clock. I hate JTG and will forever I think. MVP gets the hot tag and this match is boring as hell. MVP wins with the 305 or the Play of the Day or whatever the hell it’s called this week.
Punk says Gallows and Serena hurt his feelings but it’s Rey’s fault. No help for Punk tonight.
The guys from earlier with the boxes are bringing out trophies. Ok then.
Here’s Swagger to talk about himself. This character is working for me actually. Oh and they all saw Swagger, not Hager which is his real last name. Oh and his first name is Jake. He pulls a Scott Steiner and does push-ups for no apparent reason. He even has a Scrabble trophy. Damn. All of the trophies have his name on them. They don’t say what he won them for or anything like that though.
He gets another commercial in the promo though. You can see a Lawler crown in there too. Hey it’s like a Where’s Waldo game! Swagger weighed 15lbs when he was born apparently. DAMN her vagina must have hurt. He has some big pictures of various accomplishments from his life. Oh the crown is from being prom king. They’re milking this one if nothing else. Apparently he brought a Dr. to the prom. She was 32. I’m loving this character, I really am.
Apparently they danced really well together because Swagger won a ballroom dancing championship WHILE ALSO being captain of his football team. He played for Oklahoma also. This is awesome. He has the crown on for the rest of this. He’s a licensed lifeguard also. There’s a sandwich now. It’s called the Swaggie. Seriously, how can you not want to punch this guy in the mouth?
And here’s Big Show. He gets a freaking POP. Methinks those trophies are in danger. Apparently Show was asked to do Dancing With the Stars. I’d believe that actually. Swagger punches him but gets thrown to the floor. Show starts breaking stuff. This is rather amusing.
There’s a ball bat in there but Show beats things up with a trophy. You know, I actually want to see these two fight. Please bite the sandwich. He punts a football about a mile into the stands. Nice one. The ball bat looks SMALL in his hands. Aww he didn’t eat the sandwich.
More recapping of Rey vs. Punk.
Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Rosa Mendes
Remember, Beth’s knee is fucked up. They actually mention it. Oh and this is in Beth’s hometown. Here’s Vickie for no apparent reason. Rosa gets thrown out so Michelle is using her rematch clause here. Layla will be with her and it’s a handicap match.
Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Michelle McCool/Layla
Since they didn’t really explain it, this is whoever of the heels that gets the pin is champion. Michelle needs to wear blue like FOREVER. They go for the knee of course. Beth goes Cena and gets a Fireman’s Carry on both guys. Damn she’s about to fall out of that top too. After a double team move, Layla pins Beth for the pin and the title while Michelle is on the floor.
Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero
Please make it quick. Chavo fights for a little bit but the chokeslam ends it in like 2 minutes.
More Rey/Punk stuff.
We recap the IC Title thing earlier. Nice segment. Drew is in Teddy’s office and he makes Drew vs. Big Show next week.
Mysterio vs. Punk is next.
CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio
Just a regular match here. Ok then. Punk takes over on the floor as we go to a break. After a few minutes of back and forth stuff, Rey sets for the 619 but stops to kick Gallows in the face. Serena is there as the masked man but the REAL masked man runs in and hits a spinning neckbreaker on Rey for the DQ.
They beat down Rey to end the show. Punk’s face is awesome. In a cool looking thing, Punk spreads his arms out and Gallows and the masked man pick him up and put Rey in position for the GTS. They put Rey’s unconscious hand up for the Straightedge Salute to actually close the show.
Results
Kofi Kingston b. Christian – Trouble in Paradise
Shad Gaspar b. Jesse Guyver - STO
MVP/JTG b. The Dude Busters – Play of the Day
Layla/Michelle McCool b. Beth Phoenix – Cover after Beth’s head hit Michelle’s
Kane b. Chavo Guerrero – Chokeslam
Rey Mysterio b. CM Punk – Disqualification – Masked Man interference
Saturday
Nothing of note.
Apparently Great Khali was supposed to make an appearance in India over the weekend and had to pull out. He told the promoter and the promoter kept billing him anyway. Riots broke out when Khali couldn’t be there. He got arrested.
Monday Night Raw
Date: May 10, 2010
Location: The Igloo, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
Guest Host: Flava Flav
We open with the opening video. What else would we open with? Actually it’s a recap of Edge vs. Orton which goes on for about 4 minutes. Why not just reair the whole thing? And no theme song. Instead it’s Orton. Not bad I guess. He calls out Edge but he gets….Meat Loaf. Oh my head hurts. The fans want an RKO. I want a stiff drink. Orton standing there looking about to explode is great stuff.
Finally he hits the RKO, but Meat Loaf takes it like a Stunner. And here’s Edge. Apparently Edge doesn’t like the guest hosts either so they no longer have power. We need a permanent GM according to the…..I feel Vickie coming. Please don’t do this to me. And it’s…..Vickie Guerrero. Oh the fans are not happy at all. She says we get Orton vs. Edge and a partner he picks in a handicap match.
Jericho and Miz are in the back and Jericho has a match next.
We come back and see Orton hitting the RKStunner on Mr. Loaf.
If Jericho wins here, he and Miz get a tag title shot. Nothing like two thrown together guys with something resembling a connection I guess.
Chris Jericho vs. David Hart Smith
Well this is the better choice I guess. Kidd isn’t here because he fights Miz tonight. Ok then. If Miz loses, he has to defend the US Title against an unspecified Hart Family member next week in Toronto. Ok then. We get the delayed vertical to start things off so at least the tradition is still there. There isn’t much here but Smith is getting needed ring time. Sharpshooter hooks which confuses Cole for no apparent reason. Codebreaker finishes clean, setting up Harts vs. Miz/Jericho at Over the Limit.
Edge is talking to Batista who is in a skull cap and looks idiotic. Tonight we have the stipulation reveal.
Oh and Flava Flav is here.
The guest host (not using that stupid name and insulting the English language again is here with R-Truth.
R-Truth vs. William Regal
Please let this be quick. Ok wait the guest host wants to talk. WE GET IT YOU CAN TELL THE CROWD TO TALK! Finally Regal gets in there to make this bearable. And here are the Colons after about 8 seconds, beating the hell out of Truth. The guest host is on commentary and is annoying as hell again. DiBiase with the Million Dollar Belt stands at the entrance and hands them money. I like that a lot.
We get a quick video package on Eve whick makes her look decent. And now we have Maryse in a Jujitsu instructor teaching her how to fight. She slaps him.
Josh Matthews is with Orton who says he wants Vickie at ringside. His eyes are GREAT.
No commercials next week and Buzz Aldrin is host. Oh dear. Alicia Fox and Gail Kim are here to see Zach Ryder again.
Zach Ryder vs. Evan Bourne
This could be decent. After a short match, Alicia tries to help Ryder but Gail stops her. And Gail left TNA and the Women’s Title for this. Right. Air Bourne ends it.
We recap Sheamus jumping Cena last week. The three way feud could work very well if done right actually.
Back from a break Cena is here. He says he beat him last time through intelligence rather than strength. This one will be brutal. If Batista wins, Cena won’t use his rematch clause. Nice to hear. The match is I Quit. Uh, ok. Here’s Sheamus. Batista comes in from behind as Sheamus is coming to the ring. Double beatdown ensues. Of all people, MARK HENRY comes out for the save.
Edge has a partner. Vickie is going to be at ringside tonight and Vickie might fire him.
Tyson Kidd vs. The Miz
Kidd wins with a rollup in like 45 seconds. Ok then. According to Miz, he gets to pick the opponent for next week. He picks BRET. Oh this could be interesting.
Henry vs. Batista next.
Ok apparently it isn’t. The 8 NXT Rookies are here and they’re in an 8-4 handicap match vs. Raw pros. Ok then.
NXT Rookies vs. John Morrison/Yoshi Tatsu/Goldust/Santino Marella
Uh…yeah. Goldust vs. Barrett starts us off. Yoshi has tassels on his arms like Ultimate Warrior used to. Tatsu vs. Gabriel is a nice little mini-match. Otunga is in now. Morrison and Slater come in and you would assume they’re for Morrison. The handicap is a nice dynamic actually and it’s working pretty well. Starship Pain is blocked. Bryan pins Sanino. Oh damn it.
We recap McIntyre and his stuff from Smackdown. Something tells me he’s coming to Raw.
The Bellas talk to the guest host and it makes my head hurt. Vladmir and Santino are here. Regal shows up, AND RAPS. It’s actually not bad, but to say it’s funny is an understatement. The guest host has a new TV show. If it lasts 3 months I’ll be STUNNED.
Batista vs. Mark Henry
The Animal comes out and sits in a chair as we go to commercial. Ok then. Back from break he gets out of the chair and uses it for the quick…non DQ apparently as the match never started. So there is no match. We get something close to the Rings of Saturn as Henry cries like a big girly man.
We plug Meat Loaf’s album. I don’t care either.
Sheamus vs. Cena next week.
Randy Orton vs. Edge/Ted DiBiase
Didn’t see that one coming. Ok, where’s R-Truth? Orton is mostly getting dominated here as you would expect but he starts beating the heels up and things pick up a lot. After about 6 minutes, DiBiase gets thrown outside and here’s R-Truth. He chases him back into the ring for the RKO. Orton goes after Vickie and she threatens to fire her but resigns and runs off. Edge gets an RKO on the floor and replays end the show.
Results
Chris Jericho b. David Hart Smith – Codebreaker
R-Truth b. William Regal via disqualification – Colons interference
Evan Bourne b. Zach Ryder – Air Bourne
Tyson Kidd b. The Miz – Rollup
NXT Rookies b. John Morrison/Santino Marella/Goldust/Yoshi Tatsu – Rollup on Santino
Randy Orton b. Ted DiBiase/Edge – RKO to DiBiase
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.1.
NXT
Date: May 11, 2010
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews
It’s elimination week and we get a nice package recapping most of the time so far. Remember Gabriel has immunity.
The poll coming into tonight.
1. Daniel Bryan
2. Wade Barrett
3. Justin Gabriel
4. Heath Slater
5. David Otunga
6. Skip Sheffield
7. Michael Tarver
8. Darren Young
I freaking LOVE that theme song.
Striker is at ringside and brings out the rookies. Otunga has headphones on. Ok then. We see last night where Bryan got a pin. Does that count or not? Due to what Tarver said last week, he’s gone. But wait…if that’s the only reason, isn’t Bryan gone too? YES IT DOES! This just got very interesting very quickly. In other words, Tarver and Bryan are DONE. There’s STILL a poll tonight, meaning Young, Sheffield, Barrett, Otunga or Slater is gone.
Barrett vs. Slater when we get back.
Heath Slater vs. Wade Barrett
Slater – 5-3
Barrett – 5-4
I’m interested all over again in this. Decent little match but not much to say about it. Slater has a weird style of throwing punches actually. Barrett catches him in a cross body and slams him straight down for the pin. Nicely done.
Tarver all of a sudden has a heart and mentions that he has a family. His promos are improving but they’re just up to strange. He walks off and Striker wishes him the best in his future endeavors. Can you say smark joke?
Skip Sheffield vs. Darren Young
Sheffield – 1-5
Young – 7-2
No Straightedges for Young tonight but Regal is there. We hear Sheffield’s workout regimen and it’s impressive sounding. Something tells me the loser goes home here. Young plays to the crowd decently I guess. Now if only someone cared. Sheffield hits his over the shoulder Stunner for the surprising pin. He’s 2-5 and Young is 7-3, which I believe is still the best.
Let’s recap Smackdown because….uh just because I guess. Read the reviews I write if you want to know the highlights.
Let’s recap what’s happened on tonight’s show. We could reach a point where we’re recapping recaps I guess.
Bryan says Daniel Bryan is dead, but Bryan Danielson is awesome. That was interesting.
David Otunga vs. Justin Gabriel
Otunga – 4-4
Gabriel – 5-2
This is pure filler. Gabriel has some decent charisma and the crowd is into this to a degree so that’s a good sign. A Farrooq like spinebuster gets Otunga to 5-4. Nice one.
We come back from the final break and we have the rookies asked who should go. Young says Barrett should be gone. Slater says Otunga because he doesn’t belong here. So does Gabriel. Sheffield makes it three straight. Otunga says everyone but he can’t do that so he says Slater because he’s a wannabe. Barrett goes Otunga also.
Time for the poll. All of the pros vote but can’t vote for their own guy.
1. Wade Barrett
2. David Otunga
3. Justin Gabriel
4. Heath Slater
We go American Idol style here with the two of them standing there waiting. And here are the results.
5. Darren Young
6. Skip Sheffield
Can’t say I’m surprised, but Sheffield will get a job in WWE anyway based on his look. Sheffield says he’ll be back and thanks Regal. Another elimination next week.
Wednesday
Say it with me: Nothing happened today.
Ah wait. Apparently Waltman is officially done with TNA. So no one left a nothing company. Got it.
Thursday
Apparently Beth Phoenix has fucked her knee up with a torn ACL. That’s a LONG layoff.
Impact
Date: May 13, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Taz, Mike Tenay
Episode Title: Three Tickets to Sacrifice
Guess what the first thing we open with is. Go on. Guess. It’s a recap of last week with Sting/Hogan.
Show actually opens with Bischoff. Better than nothing. Oh and the fans are listening to the fans about moving to Thursdays. They sure are. They heard no one watching and they left Mondays. Eric loves us all. I’ve missed that line. He brings out RVD. Not bad so far.
I’ll give them this: putting the title on RVD is smart. Jeff Hardy wins the poll this week so tonight it’s Van Dam vs. Hardy. Although, no one can find Jeff. Oh dear. Here’s AJ. He says he wants the match tonight. Hardy comes out, apparently just running about 5 minutes late. Yep it’s a threeway.
We’re back with another threeway: the Beautiful People. This is pointless.
Taylor Wilde vs. Tara
Something tells me this isn’t going to go well. Sarita is sent to the back as we get WWE references. Apparently Abyss vs. Wolfe at the PPV will be Ring vs. Chelsea. Oh good night. Taylor botches….something and gets kicked in the ribs for the pin. Tara uses the knee brace on Taylor after the match. Sarita makes the save.
Something is going on in the back with some chick that might have been Chelsea. The former Simon Diamond throws us out. After commercial it’s something to do with police and her being attacked or whatever. I bet it was Goldberg. He did it to Liz in 99.
Douglas Williams vs. Brian Kendrick
Kazarian comes out for commentary. The belt is laying in the corner. He doesn’t run down and grab it….why? Kaz comes down to get it but Kendrick rolls him up for the win. Williams grabs the belt.
Hey look, more Chelsea stuff. Simon Diamond can’t say who it was but can’t believe what he heard. This is going to wind up being stupid isn’t it?
Christy knows the accused guy but can’t say it.
Generation Me vs. Matt Morgan
Oh of course they get killed. Morgan talks during the match. He calls out….Hogan. Of course. He sets for the same kick he gave to Hernandez, but here’s Joe. Morgan, like an idiot, goes to the corner. Muscle Buster and down goes Joe. Match was a no contest I guess.
And here’s Kevin Nash with the Feast or Fired Briefcase. Remember that? Yeah I don’t either. He won it 5 months ago. Has it been mentioned since then? And yes, the Outsiders are the new tag champions.
Ink Inc says something that you can barely understand. I think they still have a title match on Sunday.
Ink Inc. vs. Team 3D vs. Beer Money vs. Motor City Machine Guns
Not much here. The Guns do one of their great sequences. The Dudleys do a Doomsday Device. 3D is broken up. I skipped talking about the first five minutes or so. Neal hits a spear on Bubba and amazingly doesn’t bounce off the fat. Yep there’s the pin.
Flair talks about the main event.
Hardy and Van Dam suck each other’s dicks for a bit.
Global Champonship: Rob Terry vs. Abyss
And we go to the back where Abyss is being arrested. Seriously, who didn’t see this coming? Wolfe jumps him as he’s being put in the car. Nothing weird about this at all. Hey look it’s Hogan. The earring on Hogan totally kills it. He takes Abyss’ mask off but we can’t see anything.
No match obviously. Jordan jumps Terry of course. So a chair shot to the head doesn’t hurt him at all but a forearm to the back does. Terry takes a pipe to the back and puts something saying The Wild Card on his back. Is there any point to this character at all? Apparently they have a match Sunday.
After a commercial Jordan talks about being a Wild Card. He issues a challenge…and it’s Tomko. Naturally he’s in his gear already.
Tomko vs. Orlando Jordan
Orlando Jordan is fighting Tyson Tomko. Do I even need to make fun of this? Jordan wins a far too long match with a guillotine choke.
Lacey comes in to Hogan’s office all sad and shows him a video on a cell phone as we go to break.
Tara vs. Sarita
Ok then. They get to the ring after about a minute of bad brawling. Sarita goes for the knee brace but the referee pulls her off. He gets elbowed in the face. That’s not a DQ somehow and Tara nails her for the pin.
AJ is ready.
Video about Sting’s idiotic heel turn.
AJ Styles vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Rob Van Dam
This starts at 10:38. Naturally it’s over before a quarter till. This isn’t much at all but it’s ok. After some basic stuff, Anderson comes down and beats up Jeff. AJ hits a nice plancha, DDT’s RVD on the floor and then rolls RVD in, using the ropes for the pin.
Post match, Hardy calls out Anderson. He declines and here’s Hogan. After a commercial, Hardy beats up Anderson including a big old Swanton through a table.
We see footage of Chelsea and Wolfe planning the whole assault deal. Yep it was faked.
A 4 minute music video/highlight package ends this. No, really. That’s how the show ends.
Results
Tara b. Taylor Wilde – Kick to the stomach
Brian Kendrick b. Douglas Williams - Rollup
Matt Morgan vs. Generation Me went to a no contest
Kevin Nash/Scott Hall b. Matt Morgan – Cover after Muscle Buster from Samoa Joe
Ink Inc b. Team 3D, Motor City Machine Guns and Beer Money – Spear on Brother Ray
Orlando Jordan b. Tomko – Guillotine Choke
Tara b. Sarita – Knee Brace to the head
AJ Styles b. Rob Van Dam and Jeff Hardy – DDT on the floor and feet on the ropes
Friday
Impact got a .93. NXT got a .8. Seriously, the C show is getting comparable numbers to TNA’s first run A show. What does that tell you? Also, methinks Thursday at 9 on Spike is a better time slot thatn 10 on Sci-Fi.
Smackdown
Date: May 14, 2010
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Commentators: Matt Striker, Todd Grisham
We open with a recap of Hardy vs. McIntyre last week. Ok we get it: it was a brutal moment but we don’t need to see it FOUR TIMES in a week.
Intercontinental Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Christian
This should be good. Striker says that based on his in ring experience with Kofi, he knows how unorthodox his offense is. So apparently Ross and Cole have been in the ring with him too since they’ve both said that many times. So far so good with the match as they do some nice acrobatic stuff. Christian goes for his springboard dive to the floor but his head slams into Kofi’s. That sounded SICK.
We get a Scott Norwood reference as the problem Striker has becomes apparent: a LOT of people won’t get that joke (he was a kicker for the Buffalo Bills which is where the show is happening). The problem though is not a ton of people are likely to get that, but who cares about something like that? Christian reverses that reverse leapfrog that Kofi does into an electric chair which was nice.
This is REALLY fast paced and it’s working very well indeed. Lot of near falls too. Solid stuff here. Killswitch doesn’t work and I think Christian is bleeding from the mouth. There’s your jumping back elbow! NOW THAT’S MORE LIKE IT! Christian goes for a second rope sunset flip but gets caught by Trouble in Paradise after Kofi rolls out of it for the pin and the IC Title! Very fun match. They shake hands after the match which is always a nice touch.
And here’s Drew McIntyre, who despite being fired still has theme music. So since I’m not employed by Smackdown, I can walk to the ring with theme music? AWESOME. He pulls a letter from his pocket and hands it to Long who presented the belt to Kofi. After reading it, Teddy takes the belt from Kofi and gives it back to Drew. After the show (I think so at least but I watch this on Saturday night) the simple match was announced for Over the Limit: these two for the belt. Drew is getting the heel thing fast.
Back from commercial, Striker gets the letter from the ring and reads it. It more or less says Teddy abused his power and Drew rocks. It’s signed by Vince.
We recap Show vs. Swagger. That punch from two weeks ago is still great. Now we see a truck with a bunch of boxes being unloaded as Swagger, ROCKING a suit, says that everything in them is fragile. Seriously, the suit looks awesome on him.
Shad Gaspar vs. Jesse Guyver
Shad has new music. I still don’t care. Holy shit this could be an honest to goodness squash. Shad is called Brooklyn’s Beast. He was Da Beast in OVW so that could be a bad reference. Yep Shad dominates him and an STO ends it. I still don’t care.
Mysterio vs. Punk tonight and we get clips of their feud. Rey could lose at the PPV.
MVP/JTG vs. The Dude Busters
Anyone want to bet on the winner here? Any bets on it being the random thrown together guys beating the tag team that has entertainment value? Oh and any Nation of Domination jokes and I’ll hand you a body part. The idea of the Dude Busters kind of cracks me up but I’m not entirely sure if it does or not.
Apparently JTG said that it may be Shad’s time but it’s half past Me O’clock. I hate JTG and will forever I think. MVP gets the hot tag and this match is boring as hell. MVP wins with the 305 or the Play of the Day or whatever the hell it’s called this week.
Punk says Gallows and Serena hurt his feelings but it’s Rey’s fault. No help for Punk tonight.
The guys from earlier with the boxes are bringing out trophies. Ok then.
Here’s Swagger to talk about himself. This character is working for me actually. Oh and they all saw Swagger, not Hager which is his real last name. Oh and his first name is Jake. He pulls a Scott Steiner and does push-ups for no apparent reason. He even has a Scrabble trophy. Damn. All of the trophies have his name on them. They don’t say what he won them for or anything like that though.
He gets another commercial in the promo though. You can see a Lawler crown in there too. Hey it’s like a Where’s Waldo game! Swagger weighed 15lbs when he was born apparently. DAMN her vagina must have hurt. He has some big pictures of various accomplishments from his life. Oh the crown is from being prom king. They’re milking this one if nothing else. Apparently he brought a Dr. to the prom. She was 32. I’m loving this character, I really am.
Apparently they danced really well together because Swagger won a ballroom dancing championship WHILE ALSO being captain of his football team. He played for Oklahoma also. This is awesome. He has the crown on for the rest of this. He’s a licensed lifeguard also. There’s a sandwich now. It’s called the Swaggie. Seriously, how can you not want to punch this guy in the mouth?
And here’s Big Show. He gets a freaking POP. Methinks those trophies are in danger. Apparently Show was asked to do Dancing With the Stars. I’d believe that actually. Swagger punches him but gets thrown to the floor. Show starts breaking stuff. This is rather amusing.
There’s a ball bat in there but Show beats things up with a trophy. You know, I actually want to see these two fight. Please bite the sandwich. He punts a football about a mile into the stands. Nice one. The ball bat looks SMALL in his hands. Aww he didn’t eat the sandwich.
More recapping of Rey vs. Punk.
Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Rosa Mendes
Remember, Beth’s knee is fucked up. They actually mention it. Oh and this is in Beth’s hometown. Here’s Vickie for no apparent reason. Rosa gets thrown out so Michelle is using her rematch clause here. Layla will be with her and it’s a handicap match.
Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Michelle McCool/Layla
Since they didn’t really explain it, this is whoever of the heels that gets the pin is champion. Michelle needs to wear blue like FOREVER. They go for the knee of course. Beth goes Cena and gets a Fireman’s Carry on both guys. Damn she’s about to fall out of that top too. After a double team move, Layla pins Beth for the pin and the title while Michelle is on the floor.
Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero
Please make it quick. Chavo fights for a little bit but the chokeslam ends it in like 2 minutes.
More Rey/Punk stuff.
We recap the IC Title thing earlier. Nice segment. Drew is in Teddy’s office and he makes Drew vs. Big Show next week.
Mysterio vs. Punk is next.
CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio
Just a regular match here. Ok then. Punk takes over on the floor as we go to a break. After a few minutes of back and forth stuff, Rey sets for the 619 but stops to kick Gallows in the face. Serena is there as the masked man but the REAL masked man runs in and hits a spinning neckbreaker on Rey for the DQ.
They beat down Rey to end the show. Punk’s face is awesome. In a cool looking thing, Punk spreads his arms out and Gallows and the masked man pick him up and put Rey in position for the GTS. They put Rey’s unconscious hand up for the Straightedge Salute to actually close the show.
Results
Kofi Kingston b. Christian – Trouble in Paradise
Shad Gaspar b. Jesse Guyver - STO
MVP/JTG b. The Dude Busters – Play of the Day
Layla/Michelle McCool b. Beth Phoenix – Cover after Beth’s head hit Michelle’s
Kane b. Chavo Guerrero – Chokeslam
Rey Mysterio b. CM Punk – Disqualification – Masked Man interference
Saturday
Nothing of note.