klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
So yeah, Smackdown runs Raw tonight. Also Batista is PISSED at HHH for getting a movie role. Good to know.
Impact
Date: April 19, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Taz, Mike Tenay
Title: What We All Fight For
Get ready to fly! Not if you’re in Europe I guess. He says that he’s awesome and all that jazz like you would expect him to say. In other words, he’s John Cena but since it’s TNA it’s ok. And here’s RVD. He says AJ can’t get a reaction. First off, if anyone listens to this Orlando crowd they’re a freaking idiot. Van Dam is ripping him apart here and AJ isn’t sure what to say.
And here’s Hardy. So I’m betting on the obvious coming. Hardy says….something that was supposed to be English. And here’s Hogan. He babbles about money and women or something and makes Hardy vs. RVD for a shot at AJ later tonight. Apparently the shot isn’t for Sacrifice. It’s for tonight. This whole thing took nearly 20 minutes somehow.
Flair shows up and is pissed about AJ having a title defense. He’s banned from the ring tonight.
Knockouts Tag Titles: ODB/Daffney vs. Beautiful People
Ok then. Rayne runs away from Daffney more than once. Well at least they’re being consistent. ODB comes in and cleans house. Wow she’s annoying. She gets hairspray in the eyes from Lacey and Velvet rolls her up for the pin.
Flair goes on a huge rant, saying he wants a rematch of Team Flair vs. Team Hogan.
We’re back from commercial with Abyss and Jeff Jarrett who did a grand total of nothing last night. Abyss says that’s fine. The teams go at it, even though it’s just Jarrett and Abyss. The heels take over via Sting and the bat but ROB TERRY makes the save and cleans house. Eric Bischoff comes out and says there will be a match tonight but there’s a mystery partner for Team Hogan, who I guess has Terry on it now.
Wow that results section looks lonely. We’re 42 minutes in and have had a 2 minute match that was awful. Good to see TNA getting back to its roots.
Morgan shows up and talks to Shannon Moore who is reading that stupid book of his. Apparently Morgan wants to give that freaky looking imbecile a tag team title. Moore turns him down.
Bischoff and Hogan say that “he” will be here. Some attractive secretary says she’ll bring the files.
RVD says he’s fighting a great frend and competitor.
It’s 8:52 and we’re starting our second match. To be fair, it’s this one.
Jeff Hardy vs. Rob Van Dam
Yeah this one works. And after about a minute we take a break. Is this company allergic to showing wrestling or something? We come back for about 5 seconds and RVD messes up a kick. Great to see this top level of wrestling TNA is letting us see for oh just a few seconds. Van Dam is busted open from last night. Pretty solid match so far but a bit sloppy. And there’s the Five Star for the clean pin to set up RVD vs. AJ later for the title.
Van Dam says AJ needs to be ready for RVD now.
Abyss yells at Rob Terry. Again, points to TNA for pushing a new guy.
Team Hogan vs. Team Flair
And naturally there’s a commercial first. Jarrett and Sting are fighting in the crowd when we get back. I think they’re the only two to have been introduced so far. I think this is under the same timing rules, which is rather odd but ok I guess. It means more wrestling. It’s Sting vs. Jarrett. Do I need to explain that this is good? Yeah the timing rules are in effect but a guy from each team comes out at the same time I think.
Wolfe comes out for the heels and that’s it. Ok so it’s a tag match now. That’s unique at least. Rob Terry ties us up. Again there isn’t much to say about matches like these when you’re just filling in time until we get to the end. And here’s Orlando Jordan to stand in the aisle. Ok then. Back from commercial and Abyss is there as is Roode.
Storm comes out and the countdown is on. Roode gets a Blockbuster so I can like him a bit more now. And just like everyone in the LD predicted it’s Samoa Joe. We haven’t seen him for months. Other than the promo he had about three weeks ago. Oh and he doesn’t have face paint anymore. Muscle Buster on Roode gets the pin.
Flair gets cut off in mid sentence. Sure why not.
Next week it’s Abyss vs. Flair, ring vs. ring. Oh sweet damn.
TNA World Title: Rob Van Dam vs. AJ Styles
AJ, sans elbow pads for some reason, jumps RVD to start. We get a commercial about 8 seconds in. Back with RVD in trouble. He botches another move and AJ kicks his head off. Decent match wit h RVD being in trouble most of the time. AJ gets a figure four that doesn’t work of course.
PELE hits. AJ misses a charge and Van Dam gets the Five Star FOR THE PIN! Yes that just happened. They just happened to have a ton of confetti in the same colors that RVD was wearing ready to blow off. And shockingly, it’s in Hogan colors. That ends the show.
Results
Beautiful People b. ODB/Daffney – Hairspray to the eyes and rollup
Rob Van Dam b. Jeff Hardy – Five Star Frog Splash
Team Hogan b. Team Flair – Muscle Buster on Roode
Rob Van Dan b. AJ Styles – Five Star Frog Splash
Raw
Date: April 19, 2010
Location: Izod Center, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole
Host: Cast of MacGruber
Lillian Garcia is doing the announcing. Ok then.
Remember it’s a Smackdown Invasion tonight. Better than no show so I’m cool with that. We open up with HHH who is the only big name not in Europe as he stayed home to heal up a bit. He points out that he’s the only Raw guy here. He makes jokes about Big Show and eruptions. You fill in the gaps. It is good to see the company pull something together like this. He thinks he could wrestle a two hour iron man match against the audio guy.
He gets in a few jabs against Sheamus…and here is CM Punk. Ok this show just got a lot better. Oh that’s right the Draft is next week. That could be awesome. We talk about Punk’s hair to get some decent one liners in. Punk wants him to join but he won’t do it. And now HHH is a patriot apparently.
Oh we have white ropes for no apparent reason. HHH is cracking me up here, talking about various freedoms people have. The natural fight breaks out and the SES, which sounds like a video game system, tries to cut his hair. And Rey of course makes the save. I smell a bad tag match. Rey actually gets some of Punk’s hair.
Cena has a promo next.
Drew McIntyre vs. Matt Hardy
Ok then. See, this is the beauty of having the split rosters. In emergencies like this, you have A-list guys that are completely familiar and are capable of putting on a presentable show. Also, this gives you a chance to expand your audience. Maybe some people don’t watch Smackdown and will now because they get to see what they have to offer. Can’t beat that. Standard match and Drew wins with his DDT.
Cena is talking now and apologizes about the whole thing. He’s the guy you want to do that. He talks about Batista and says what you would expect him to say. Simple but effective.
Here’s Kozlov to talk about something. He has a statement for Lawler of all people to read. More or less he bitches about the way he’s been treated by the guests hosts. Oh dear. Oh and he’s full heel again. And here are the guest hosts to get on my nerves. Naturally it’s nothing but stupid jokes. He gets a match with R-Truth. Ok then. One of the guys says he’s rigged the place with explosives and one goes off. All that’s left of Truth are his shoes. Shoot me now.
Orton is talking next.
HHH talks to the actor dude. Apparently Will Forte is wearing Kane’s pants. Ok then. This is the HHH show apparently.
Orton says he’s ready for Swagger and will be world champion.
We recap the triple threat last week which surprised me that it actually happened.
Swagger makes an open challenge. And here’s Undertaker.
Undertaker vs. Jack Swagger
Swagger gets better every time he’s out there. He works on Taker’s leg but he’s not CM Punk so that’s not going to work. Silly World Champion. This is getting some solid time too. Swagger misses the pump splash as Taker hits the chokeslam. Tombstone connects with Taker SELLING THE LEG as Swagger loses again. Not sure if I agree with that.
Edge, HHH, Rey vs. Punk, Gallows and Jericho later. One of these things is not like the other.
We get a sneak peak of MacGruber.
Jericho is talking to his team about the match tonight. Punk has a towel over his hair like he’s a woman just getting out of the shower. Jericho and MacGruber do a decent comedy bit.
Vladmir Kozlov vs. MacGruber
The expected happens for awhile but a co-star shows up and says this is a handicap match with MacGruber’s half brother. It’s Khali in bad costume. Kozlov walks out like I want to.
We recap Cena vs. Batista. Oh joy. Actually we’re talking about the whole PPV.
HHH/Edge/Rey Mysterio vs. Luke Gallows/CM Punk/Chris Jericho
With HHH on his way to the ring, Sheamus comes on the screen and beats up a production guy. Commercial time for the entrances. Scratch that as HHH is still alone when we get back. They work on Edge’s ankle a lot as this needs to end. It’s your standard main event tag match. To be fair, this was pretty solid. Punk of course jobs to the Pedigree.
Results
Drew McIntyre b. Matt Hardy – Double Arm DDT
Undertaker b. Jack Swagger – Tombstone
MacGruber/Great Khali b. Vladmir Kozlov – Count Out
Rey Mysterio/HHH/Edge b. Luke Gallows/CM Punk/Chris Jericho – Pedigree on Punk
Tuesday
WWE offered fans at Raw refunds last night. That’s cool of them.
Raw – 3.1
Impact – 1.0
JR is meeting with TNA. Could be interesting. Anything is better than Taz.
NXT
Date: April 20, 2010
Location: Mohegan Sun Casino, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews
That theme song is growing on me really fast. We open with the rookies in no apparent order being introduced to the crowd in the ring. Apparently we’re having a joust ala American Gladiators. You have the big q-tip like sticks and I guess it’s a tournament style. It’s called Rock-em Sock-em Rookies. Oh dear. Winner gets a feature on WWE.com.
First match: Heath Slater vs. David Otunga. They’re number four and five in the poll, so I’m guessing it’s like the NCAA brackets. Yep it is. Slater wins.
Second match: Sheffield vs. Barrett. This lasts like 2 seconds and Sheffield wins but Barrett is falling so he jumps at him. It looked odd.
Ok never mind it’s not tournament style as we have 1 vs. 7 with Bryan vs. Tarver. Tarver throws the stick down and steps off. Seriously, why is he here?
Young vs. Gabriel ends us. Young wins easily.
Slater vs. Jericho later.
Oh before I forget, here are the rankings.
1. Daniel Bryan
2. Wade Barrett
3. Justin Gabriel
4. Wade Barrett
5. David Otunga
6. Skip Sheffield
7. Michael Tarver
8. Darren Young
We talk about Cena vs. Batista. Sure why not.
We hear the pros talk about Wade Barrett. He’s not my cup of tea but then again I hate tea so maybe that’s a good thing.
Otunga and R-Truth are here.
David Otunga vs. Justin Gabriel
Gabriel – 4-2
Otunga – 4-2
Damn Otunga has some power going for him. I have Gabriel in the fantasy league so a win here would be nice. Otunga dominates early on and does some basic submission stuff. Not bad and certainly passable I guess. Gabriel’s white boots are a bit odd.
Gabriel hits a senton over the top to the floor. Not that we saw it or anything. Ah ok we get it on the replay. 450 is set up but Otunga rolls out of the way before it’s launched. Gabriel gets a sunset flip as R-Truth won’t grab his hand for the save, moving to 5-2 while Otunga is 4-3.
The semi-finals are Slater vs. Sheffield and Young vs. Bryan.
Sheffield beats Slater with relative ease. The longest of these things has been maybe 7 seconds.
Young beats Bryan, making Sheffield vs. Young the finals.
Apparently Cole has a blog and calls his fans the Cole Miners. That’s not a blog. That is a cry for help.
Michael Tarver is here to talk. Oh joy. He issues an open challenge to any rookie or pro. Sheffield comes out to accept, but here comes Punk, Young, Gallows and Serena. Punk says Young is looking for competition also and shows him beating Gallows last week. Punk refers to the joust as the little stick fighting thing. That’s just amusing. Apparently it’s a triple threat.
Skip Sheffield vs. Michael Tarver vs. Darren Young
Sheffield – 0-4
Tarver – 0-5
Young – 5-2
Young has a better record than Gabriel? We go to a break nearly immediately. It’s the standard formula stuff with one guy getting beaten up badly by both guys but they can’t let each other win. Young goes up but Gallows shoves him off and takes down Sheffield. Young wins anyway due to Tarver’s high level of suck. Tarver is 0-6, Sheffield is 0-5 and Young is 6-2.
We get a package on Slater who is much better than I expected.
Sheffield and Young more or less tie but the referee gives it to Sheffield. Apparently we’re going to do it again. The fans literally could not care less. He wins cleanly the second time.
Chris Jericho vs. Heath Slater
Slater – 4-2
Slater isn’t even out yet and it’s 11:03. Decent little back and forth match here with Jericho making the kid look great. Jericho goes for the Walls but Slater rolls him up for the pin! Did not see that one coming. Totally clean win. Jericho FREAKS like in the old school WCW crybaby days to end the show. He shouts at the referee that he’s stupid. That cracked me up for some reason.
Results
Justin Gabriel b. David Otunga – Sunset flip
Darren Young b. Skip Sheffield and Michael Tarver – Release Dragon Suplex
Skip Sheffield wins the Rock-Em Sock-Em Challenge
Heath Slater b. Chris Jericho – Small Package
Wednesday
Apparently the Raw guys are on their way back home.
Thursday
We have big news for once. Today, WWE released Mickie James, Katie Lea, Slam Master J, Jimmy Wang Yang, Kung Fu Naki and SHELTON BENJAMIN. I guess Spring Cleaning has begun.
Add Mike Knox to that.
Friday
Smackdown
Date: April 23, 2010
Location: Mohegan Sun Casino, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Matt Striker
We open with a recap of last week’s triple threat for the title. I will give them credit for having a world title match on free TV. There need to be more of those.
Jack Swagger comes out and has something to say. He talks about how he had a great week, beating Edge and Jericho and “dominating” Undertaker like no one, including Shawn Michaels, can do. Swagger is getting much better on the mic. Great promo and by far his best ever.
Jack Swagger vs. John Morrison
Well you can’t say they’re not having him fight top talent. They did this match two weeks ago and if I recall it was decent then. Swagger hits a powerslam and we go to commercial. Swagger is dominating for the most part. In a nice bit, Morrison goes for a kick that he hit a few weeks ago but this time Swagger blocks it. That’s a nice touch and it shows psychology.
Swagger busts out a crossface chicken wing of all things. And we get a wheelbarrow slam. He’s going WAY old school tonight. Back to the submission. Can’t complain about someone bringing in a new hold into his arsenal. Morrison gets going and we have a good match going here. A rollup gets two and that springboard kick Morrison uses gets a LONG two. The powerbomb connects but Morrison grabs the ropes.
And then he hits something close to Trouble in Paradise and Starship Pain for the clean pin? Is there a point to having your world champion lose twice clean in a week before his first PPV title defense? I get the Taker loss, but Morrison? I flat out do not get that one. Good match though. That looks like a different belt for some reason.
There’s a cage above the ring.
Punk is mad about losing some of his hair. He calls Rey a gremlin. That’s rather funny. Teddy Long is rather worthless. He makes Punk and Gallows vs. Rey and someone bald. Oh it’s Kane. Ok then.
R-Truth/Matt Hardy vs. Dolph Ziggler/Drew McIntyre
That music is growing on me and that scares the hell out of me. Matt is the heart and soul of Smackdown? How is Smackdown still alive? If nothing else three of the four theme songs are cool. I know we’re gearing up to McIntyre and Hardy, but I’d think Drew keeps it. No reason why but that’s my call. Todd almost catches Matt by saying Roddy Piper was the first Scottish born IC Champion but he’s Canadian so there we are.
Truth and Ziggler start us off. You know, this is our second match involving MITB people. Maybe it should stick around. After a grand total of nothing happening, we go to a break. We come back with Hardy vs. McIntyre. They go to the floor and in a SICK spot, McIntyre curb stomps Hardy on the steps. In other words, Matt’s head was on the steps and Drew stomped it. The referee says that’s enough and calls it. Drew jumps Hardy after the match and slams him into the steps. Hardy’s look is GREAT.
Jericho and Barrett are here.
The cage is lowered.
Back from break and Jericho and Barrett come out and get in the cage. Jericho says that he’s going to end Edge’s career. Edge comes out and says he will be in the cage and wonders how Jericho lost to Slater. That’s a damn good question actually. Edge talks about all his injuries and how he kept coming back. Has Jericho ever gotten hurt badly? Not that I remember actually.
Edge goes after Jericho and beats both guys up a bit. Jericho gets out of the cage and Edge beats the hell out of Barrett. One issue here: if Jericho gets out Sunday, he wins. How is this a victory for Edge? Barrett takes a spear.
Ad for Macgruber. Wow I can’t stand that character now.
Shad is on commentary for the next match.
JTG vs. Mike Knox
Shad vs. JTG in a strap match Sunday. By the time this is being written, Knox doesn’t have a job. Any guesses as to who wins here? The only highlight here is a nice dive by JTG. He wins with a spinning clothesline/neckbreaker move. Shad beats him up post match and says it’s his time. Hope HHH doesn’t hear him say that.
We get a package on the last man standing match which is ok as they didn’t have Raw to build it up properly.
We recap the Punk gets his haircut thing from Monday, and by that I mean we show it, complete with Raw commentary. This was like 10 minutes of pure filler.
Divas are up next.
Michelle McCool/Layla vs. Mickie James/Beth Phoenix
Beth vs. Michelle on Sunday. Yeah Michelle is still gorgeous. Vickie…still looks like she fell out of an ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. Mickie is out of a job now too. Layla getting beaten up is funny for some reason. The heels work on Beth’s knee to give us some psychology. I have NEVER heard a crowd this quiet before.
They pop for Mickie, who of course gets the only pop of the match. And Layla hits a neckbreaker on Mickie for the pin. Post match Layla pulls out an ironing board, which allegedly took her about 3 minutes to find in the original filming of it. The heels cover Beth’s face in lipstick afterwards.
Kane and Mysterio are ready. I love the whole it’s cool that you tried to kill me so many times.
Back from break and Punk and Gallows are here. Punk talks on the way to the ring and says that Rey is a coward and someone is getting their head shaved tonight. Wow I can’t stand Rey. I truly can’t.
Kane/Rey Mysterio vs. Luke Gallows/CM Punk
You know, Gallows is getting to rub elbows with some really high level guys lately. On Monday it was Rey and HHH, now it’s Kane. Not bad at all. Punk and Kane come in and we go to a break. Yeah I’m stunned too. Back in and it’s Kane and Gallows. When Rey is your hot tag, it’s an odd thing. Punk takes an uppercut from Kane and the look is hilarious.
We get a decent main event tag out of this. You know the kind I’m talking about. To end it, Rey goes for West Coast Pop but it’s reversed into a cradle for the pin. Yes, Punk actually got a win. Post match Rey fights back and almost gets the 619 because no Smackdown can end with a heel in triumph.
Results
John Morrison b. Jack Swagger – Starship Pain
Drew McIntyre/Dolph Ziggler b. Matt Hardy/R-Truth – Referee Stoppage
JTG b. Mike Knox – Spinning clothesline/neckbreaker
Layla/Michelle McCool b. Mickie James/Beth Phoenix – Neckbreaker on Mickie
CM Punk/Luke Gallows b. Kane/Rey Mysterio – Reversed Hurricanrana
Saturday
Mark Henry got arrested in Ireland for throwing a drink at a fan. Is there a reason why he still has a job?
Sunday
Apparently Batista will be gone soon. Sad to know in a way. Yeah that’s a lie. I’ll be glad he’s gone.
Extreme Rules
Date: April 25, 2010
Location: 1st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Arena
Attendance: 12,278
Commentators: Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Jerry Lawler
Ok so here we are. Again this is hopefully going to be a live review so if it comes off as odd don’t be surprised. This show was plagued by a lack of Raw build up show due to the volcano in Iceland. Even still though, this is a minor PPV as it’s just a rehash of the Mania feuds. This is the show where everything is a gimmick match which is always at least cool in theory. The main event is Batista/Cena in a last man standing match. Let’s get to it.
Opening video more or less says that Extreme rules. Cute. Incredibly stupid, but cute. Rey/Punk gets a higher billing than Edge/Jericho. That’s rather odd. Standard video package that sums up everything. WWE is very user friendly. It’s easy to step into any show and get what’s going on. That’s a HUGE perk for attracting new fans.
Street Fight: HHH vs. Sheamus
WOW. This is the opener? I’m stunned actually. This has been a decent build up to a feud…and there’s no HHH. ICELAND ATTACKS AGAIN! We go to the back and Sheamus has jumped HHH. I like it. It gives things a feeling of you don’t know what’s coming which is a very nice touch to say the least. The pale one has a steel pipe and gets in a solid shot on HHH’s head. I guess this has officially started but I’m not sure. The referee calls for the medic and we go to the arena.
And Big Show and Miz are here. Ok then. These two aren’t scheduled but I’d bet on a tag title match. They’re not scheduled but they just happen to have their wrestling gear on. The jacket on Miz works in some weird way. Miz has risen so far so fast that it’s amazing. I think Bret is going to be here soon. Oh apparently they’re moving that to tomorrow.
They say they have a lack of competition and they’re praying for opponents. I smell Kane for some reason. Here’s Teddy Long. He makes ShowMiz vs. a team of his choosing. This is just for a title shot, not the titles. Got it. And the opponents are….not announced yet. I’m liking this live way of reviewing actually. Ah .
Tag Team Gauntlet Match
R-Truth and Morrison are opening us up here. This is the first of three teams. I know this is a rematch of Mania but come on now. Actually this works so I can’t complain that much. Cole says the fans are behind the face team. NO REALLY? It’s a bit better than the previous one at Mania, but not by much. Morrison fucks up and gets disqualified by not letting Show out of the ropes when he has a triangle choke on. Ok then.
Team number two is MVP/Mark Henry. This is rather short but it works fine I guess. Without going into details, MVP gets punched and pinned.
Cue Hart Dynasty, Hart Attack, pin. Literally, that’s it.
Grisham tries to give us an update on HHH but Sheamus says he’ll have to forfeit or get a worse beating.
CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio
Remember if Punk loses his head is shaved. Punk NEEDS this. Rey is wearing a Skelator mask. Ok then. Punk hits that sweet powerslam of his. In a nice spot, Punk just throws Punk under the ropes so he crashes into the floor. Nicely done. Gallows has a bit of an Austin look going for him. Decent match far and longer than their Mania one I think. Come on WWE don’t kill Punk off yet. He busts out a bow and arrow of all things. Nice.
Striker tries to turn Cole and Lawler to Straightedge. I like it. Punk busts out a freaking Gory Special of all things. See? Even back then they had special moves. No Mercy stole from them! Punk is more or less dominating, which scares me to no end. Serena stops the 619 and she and Gallows get ejected. Rey hits an Asai Moonsault to get right back into it. Crowd is red hot by the way. Rey gets a seated senton but Punk hits a dropkick to make the save.
This is a storied rivalry already. No Striker. Just no. Punk hits his springboard clothesline and I can’t stand Rey anymore. Seriously, get over the whole overcoming the odds idea. It’s just stupid anymore. GTS is countered into a rana for 2 and then punk kicks Rey’s head off. Solid match to put it mildly.
Rey gets the fucking 619 and someone slides a chair into the ring. It’s a bald guy that slides under the ring. No clue who that was. He also drops Rey with something on the floor and Rey is out. GTS ends it. YES!
Strap Match: JTG vs. Shad Gaspar
It’s the four corners version here which I’m in the minority that actually prefers it that way. I just could not care less about this match. I truly couldn’t. JTG needs to win to regain credibility apparently. That would imply he had it to begin with, which is a straight up lie. Shad is dominating for the most part here. Yeah riveting.
Wow the crowd is SILENT for this. Who would have seen that coming? Shad just destroys JTG here and beats on him with the strap sans mercy. Shad gets his first three…and JTG does the same three. Not THIS finish again. Yep. JTG hits his finisher and dives for the 4th corner. Fuck me running at least it’s over.
HHH can’t fight tonight. Yeah I’ll buy that.
Orton vs. Swagger is next? Really? We hit the recap. You know the drill by now.
Smackdown World Title: Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger
Remember it’s Extreme Rules which I guess means no rules? Crowd loves them some Orton. Swagger controls early on as you would expect. I’m hoping they don’t make the switch tonight. Orton chasing the title for a few months would be nice. Also Swagger needs the credibility that the title gives him. I love how more or less the announcers say Orton has nothing but the RKO. That’s not that nice.
Swagger is dominating but Orton gets a belt shot to break that up. Ok then. Orton hits that same powerslam that Punk hit earlier. Swagger counters the elevated DDT too. Nicely done. It’s garbage can time. SICK shots with it from Orton. Those were nice. Orton is going off now and it’s awesome. Orton does a stomp to Swagger’s head while he’s on the steps. Ow. The knee drop misses though and Swagger hits the floor.
Naturally he gets caught in the elevated DDT though and it’s Orton setting for the RKO now. Hint: when he slaps the mat and shouts, it means RKO is coming. Instead though he sets up a chair but the RKO onto it is countered. Well kind of it was. The look came off terribly but I get the concept.
Gutwrench powerbomb hits and Swagger gets the pin. HUGE win there. That was all Swagger as he countered the RKO and got the pin. All Swagger there. Post match Orton gets the RKO to keep the tweener thing going.
And here’s Sheamus. Ok then. And despite not being able to feel his hand, here comes HHH. Ok, if he wins here, I give up.
Street Fight: Sheamus vs. HHH
HHH of course controls to start things off which is bearable I guess. He hits the spinebuster but can’t get the Pedigree because of the arm being how hurt it is. Now this is more like it. He’s just ramming HHH into the barricade over and over again. I forgot this is a street fight. That’s not a good sign at all. Striker and King are arguing like no other here and it’s coming off as great.
Striker says he and Lawler have both wrestled hurt. That’s rather stupid. Striker wrestled for what, a year or so? Just seems ridiculous to compare the two of them. And of course HHH has the energy to use a DDT with his left arm. HHH grabs a pipe and smacks HHH in the head with it. Naturally he kicks out. Sure why not? Apparently after a massive Irish man blasts you in the head with a steel pipe you can kick out via instinct. Sure why not?
Celtic Cross is blocked. Apparently that’s called Pale Justice now. HHH gets a kendo stick and all of a sudden his arm is fine. That makes my head hurt. This has at least picked up a bit. Pump kick hits though. A second kick hits and it’s all Sheamus. Naturally he lets HHH get up and the third and fourth kicks land to FINALLY end him.
And remember kiddies: do not attempt making yourself look that strong without a licensed wife with connections. To be fair, the ending makes this a lot more bearable. Post match he fights off a cervical collar and tries to crawl off. He’s almost to the entrance when Sheamus hits ANOTHER kick to put him down again. Nice.
Ad for Over the Limit. Oh dear.
Edge is getting ready.
Smackdown Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Michelle McCool
This is an Extreme Makeover match. Michelle looks great of course. The music helps a lot here for her I think. There’s a table of makeup etc at ringside. Beth gets a semi-pop. Csn someone shut Beth up? Please? Michelle is possibly the best women’s athlete ever? Really? That’s just pitiful.
Basically we’re just making fun of Vickie and using random weapons like hairspray and ironing boards. Beth counters the hairspray again and it’s one on one now. Vickie has a broom. Make your own jokes. Glam Slam ends it like it should have.
Ad for the Mania DVD.
Jericho does his usual great promo about how it ends tonight. He looks buff to say the least.
No recap actually.
Cage Match: Edge vs. Chris Jericho
Ah ok we got a quick recap after Edge’s intro. Makes more sense. Jericho stalls a lot to play himself some heel. Ah there we go now they’re both in. And we see Jericho’s ass. Didn’t need that one there. Jericho gets rammed into the cage. Striker: The metal militia bares its fangs. Edge goes for the spear but misses entirely. That’s never a good thing. I love that springboard dropkick that Jericho busts out from time to time. Striker talks about footwork and Lawler just couldn’t care less.
In a cool spot, Jericho hits a leg whip from the top into the Walls. Nicely done. Edge does the climb the ropes spot to get out which is a nice counter. Jericho has the door open and knocks Edge to the middle of the ring. Then of course like an idiot he gets out of the cage and goes back in. Yeah he’s an idiot. Edge hits a fast spear for two. Codebreaker gets two and we fight on top of the cage for a bit.
Edge gets crotched and Jericho gets out AGAIN but this time Edge stops him from falling. We fight on top even more and Jericho comes back into the cage. And so does Edge. In a NICE spot, Edge is standing on the top rope and Jericho gets a running start, hits the other rope and into a Codebreaker so both guys are down. Nice. That only gets two for a pretty weak pop. Jericho goes for the top of the cage but Edge saves again.
He slams the door on Jericho’s ankle. That would freaking hurt. Edge spins the ankle around in a weird move. This is more psychological than anything else. Ok not really but there’s some of it in there. More ankle work. Edge hits a CRAP spear for the pin. Why does the announcer’s voice always crack when he’s saying superstar?
We recap Cena vs. Batista. You know it by now.
Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Batista
We get the big match intros. Depending on the source you read, this might be Big Dave’s last match. We get some feeling out stuff and then Batista is like fuck it I’m getting a chair. Naturally this doesn’t work. When did so many people start using the big boot? FU doesn’t hit and Cena is thrown into the post. Batista goes for the knee because that strategy always works in these things right? He does that for a good while.
Cena gets a reversal into the steps to get Cena back to about even. Batista busts out a damn figure four. Well you can’t fault him for a lack of psychology. Cena goes into his sequence but Batista hits the floor. FU onto the chair hits but it gets 8. Wow that’s odd to type. Spinebuster gets 8 for Big Dave. Cena goes thgrough a table and of course that’s not enough. Batista is looking for plundah, perhaps a bicycle, when a kid yells that he hates the Animal.
The Animal feels the same way. Cena puts him through the announce table. You can kind of say this is a paint by numbers thing. It’s not but you could say it is. STFU goes on and Big Dave taps, but you can’t win that way. He’s out but gets up at 9. Nice little throwback (I crack myself up) to Raw two weeks ago.
With nothing else left, Cena crotches him on the post and busts out Duct Tape to tie his legs together. Since he isn’t standing, that’s good enough to retain. Or win the title according to the main page. That’s the show.
Results
Hart Dynasty b. Big Show/The Miz – Hart Attack
CM Punk b. Rey Mysterio – Go To Sleep
JTG b. Shad – Touched 4th Turnbuckle
Jack Swagger b. Randy Orton – Gutwrench Powerbomb
Sheamus b. HHH – Pump Kick
Beth Phoenix b. Michelle McCool – Glam Slam
Edge b. Chris Jericho – Spear
John Cena b. Batista – 10 Count
Quick Results
Impact
Beautiful People b. ODB/Daffney – Hairspray to the eyes and rollup
Rob Van Dam b. Jeff Hardy – Five Star Frog Splash
Team Hogan b. Team Flair – Muscle Buster on Roode
Rob Van Dan b. AJ Styles – Five Star Frog Splash
Raw
Drew McIntyre b. Matt Hardy – Double Arm DDT
Undertaker b. Jack Swagger – Tombstone
MacGruber/Great Khali b. Vladmir Kozlov – Count Out
Rey Mysterio/HHH/Edge b. Luke Gallows/CM Punk/Chris Jericho – Pedigree on Punk
NXT
Justin Gabriel b. David Otunga – Sunset flip
Darren Young b. Skip Sheffield and Michael Tarver – Release Dragon Suplex
Skip Sheffield wins the Rock-Em Sock-Em Challenge
Heath Slater b. Chris Jericho – Small Package
Smackdown
John Morrison b. Jack Swagger – Starship Pain
Drew McIntyre/Dolph Ziggler b. Matt Hardy/R-Truth – Referee Stoppage
JTG b. Mike Knox – Spinning clothesline/neckbreaker
Layla/Michelle McCool b. Mickie James/Beth Phoenix – Neckbreaker on Mickie
CM Punk/Luke Gallows b. Kane/Rey Mysterio – Reversed Hurricanrana
Extreme Rules
Hart Dynasty b. Big Show/The Miz – Hart Attack
CM Punk b. Rey Mysterio – Go To Sleep
JTG b. Shad – Touched 4th Turnbuckle
Jack Swagger b. Randy Orton – Gutwrench Powerbomb
Sheamus b. HHH – Pump Kick
Beth Phoenix b. Michelle McCool – Glam Slam
Edge b. Chris Jericho – Spear
John Cena b. Batista – 10 Count
So yeah, Smackdown runs Raw tonight. Also Batista is PISSED at HHH for getting a movie role. Good to know.
Impact
Date: April 19, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Taz, Mike Tenay
Title: What We All Fight For
Get ready to fly! Not if you’re in Europe I guess. He says that he’s awesome and all that jazz like you would expect him to say. In other words, he’s John Cena but since it’s TNA it’s ok. And here’s RVD. He says AJ can’t get a reaction. First off, if anyone listens to this Orlando crowd they’re a freaking idiot. Van Dam is ripping him apart here and AJ isn’t sure what to say.
And here’s Hardy. So I’m betting on the obvious coming. Hardy says….something that was supposed to be English. And here’s Hogan. He babbles about money and women or something and makes Hardy vs. RVD for a shot at AJ later tonight. Apparently the shot isn’t for Sacrifice. It’s for tonight. This whole thing took nearly 20 minutes somehow.
Flair shows up and is pissed about AJ having a title defense. He’s banned from the ring tonight.
Knockouts Tag Titles: ODB/Daffney vs. Beautiful People
Ok then. Rayne runs away from Daffney more than once. Well at least they’re being consistent. ODB comes in and cleans house. Wow she’s annoying. She gets hairspray in the eyes from Lacey and Velvet rolls her up for the pin.
Flair goes on a huge rant, saying he wants a rematch of Team Flair vs. Team Hogan.
We’re back from commercial with Abyss and Jeff Jarrett who did a grand total of nothing last night. Abyss says that’s fine. The teams go at it, even though it’s just Jarrett and Abyss. The heels take over via Sting and the bat but ROB TERRY makes the save and cleans house. Eric Bischoff comes out and says there will be a match tonight but there’s a mystery partner for Team Hogan, who I guess has Terry on it now.
Wow that results section looks lonely. We’re 42 minutes in and have had a 2 minute match that was awful. Good to see TNA getting back to its roots.
Morgan shows up and talks to Shannon Moore who is reading that stupid book of his. Apparently Morgan wants to give that freaky looking imbecile a tag team title. Moore turns him down.
Bischoff and Hogan say that “he” will be here. Some attractive secretary says she’ll bring the files.
RVD says he’s fighting a great frend and competitor.
It’s 8:52 and we’re starting our second match. To be fair, it’s this one.
Jeff Hardy vs. Rob Van Dam
Yeah this one works. And after about a minute we take a break. Is this company allergic to showing wrestling or something? We come back for about 5 seconds and RVD messes up a kick. Great to see this top level of wrestling TNA is letting us see for oh just a few seconds. Van Dam is busted open from last night. Pretty solid match so far but a bit sloppy. And there’s the Five Star for the clean pin to set up RVD vs. AJ later for the title.
Van Dam says AJ needs to be ready for RVD now.
Abyss yells at Rob Terry. Again, points to TNA for pushing a new guy.
Team Hogan vs. Team Flair
And naturally there’s a commercial first. Jarrett and Sting are fighting in the crowd when we get back. I think they’re the only two to have been introduced so far. I think this is under the same timing rules, which is rather odd but ok I guess. It means more wrestling. It’s Sting vs. Jarrett. Do I need to explain that this is good? Yeah the timing rules are in effect but a guy from each team comes out at the same time I think.
Wolfe comes out for the heels and that’s it. Ok so it’s a tag match now. That’s unique at least. Rob Terry ties us up. Again there isn’t much to say about matches like these when you’re just filling in time until we get to the end. And here’s Orlando Jordan to stand in the aisle. Ok then. Back from commercial and Abyss is there as is Roode.
Storm comes out and the countdown is on. Roode gets a Blockbuster so I can like him a bit more now. And just like everyone in the LD predicted it’s Samoa Joe. We haven’t seen him for months. Other than the promo he had about three weeks ago. Oh and he doesn’t have face paint anymore. Muscle Buster on Roode gets the pin.
Flair gets cut off in mid sentence. Sure why not.
Next week it’s Abyss vs. Flair, ring vs. ring. Oh sweet damn.
TNA World Title: Rob Van Dam vs. AJ Styles
AJ, sans elbow pads for some reason, jumps RVD to start. We get a commercial about 8 seconds in. Back with RVD in trouble. He botches another move and AJ kicks his head off. Decent match wit h RVD being in trouble most of the time. AJ gets a figure four that doesn’t work of course.
PELE hits. AJ misses a charge and Van Dam gets the Five Star FOR THE PIN! Yes that just happened. They just happened to have a ton of confetti in the same colors that RVD was wearing ready to blow off. And shockingly, it’s in Hogan colors. That ends the show.
Results
Beautiful People b. ODB/Daffney – Hairspray to the eyes and rollup
Rob Van Dam b. Jeff Hardy – Five Star Frog Splash
Team Hogan b. Team Flair – Muscle Buster on Roode
Rob Van Dan b. AJ Styles – Five Star Frog Splash
Raw
Date: April 19, 2010
Location: Izod Center, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole
Host: Cast of MacGruber
Lillian Garcia is doing the announcing. Ok then.
Remember it’s a Smackdown Invasion tonight. Better than no show so I’m cool with that. We open up with HHH who is the only big name not in Europe as he stayed home to heal up a bit. He points out that he’s the only Raw guy here. He makes jokes about Big Show and eruptions. You fill in the gaps. It is good to see the company pull something together like this. He thinks he could wrestle a two hour iron man match against the audio guy.
He gets in a few jabs against Sheamus…and here is CM Punk. Ok this show just got a lot better. Oh that’s right the Draft is next week. That could be awesome. We talk about Punk’s hair to get some decent one liners in. Punk wants him to join but he won’t do it. And now HHH is a patriot apparently.
Oh we have white ropes for no apparent reason. HHH is cracking me up here, talking about various freedoms people have. The natural fight breaks out and the SES, which sounds like a video game system, tries to cut his hair. And Rey of course makes the save. I smell a bad tag match. Rey actually gets some of Punk’s hair.
Cena has a promo next.
Drew McIntyre vs. Matt Hardy
Ok then. See, this is the beauty of having the split rosters. In emergencies like this, you have A-list guys that are completely familiar and are capable of putting on a presentable show. Also, this gives you a chance to expand your audience. Maybe some people don’t watch Smackdown and will now because they get to see what they have to offer. Can’t beat that. Standard match and Drew wins with his DDT.
Cena is talking now and apologizes about the whole thing. He’s the guy you want to do that. He talks about Batista and says what you would expect him to say. Simple but effective.
Here’s Kozlov to talk about something. He has a statement for Lawler of all people to read. More or less he bitches about the way he’s been treated by the guests hosts. Oh dear. Oh and he’s full heel again. And here are the guest hosts to get on my nerves. Naturally it’s nothing but stupid jokes. He gets a match with R-Truth. Ok then. One of the guys says he’s rigged the place with explosives and one goes off. All that’s left of Truth are his shoes. Shoot me now.
Orton is talking next.
HHH talks to the actor dude. Apparently Will Forte is wearing Kane’s pants. Ok then. This is the HHH show apparently.
Orton says he’s ready for Swagger and will be world champion.
We recap the triple threat last week which surprised me that it actually happened.
Swagger makes an open challenge. And here’s Undertaker.
Undertaker vs. Jack Swagger
Swagger gets better every time he’s out there. He works on Taker’s leg but he’s not CM Punk so that’s not going to work. Silly World Champion. This is getting some solid time too. Swagger misses the pump splash as Taker hits the chokeslam. Tombstone connects with Taker SELLING THE LEG as Swagger loses again. Not sure if I agree with that.
Edge, HHH, Rey vs. Punk, Gallows and Jericho later. One of these things is not like the other.
We get a sneak peak of MacGruber.
Jericho is talking to his team about the match tonight. Punk has a towel over his hair like he’s a woman just getting out of the shower. Jericho and MacGruber do a decent comedy bit.
Vladmir Kozlov vs. MacGruber
The expected happens for awhile but a co-star shows up and says this is a handicap match with MacGruber’s half brother. It’s Khali in bad costume. Kozlov walks out like I want to.
We recap Cena vs. Batista. Oh joy. Actually we’re talking about the whole PPV.
HHH/Edge/Rey Mysterio vs. Luke Gallows/CM Punk/Chris Jericho
With HHH on his way to the ring, Sheamus comes on the screen and beats up a production guy. Commercial time for the entrances. Scratch that as HHH is still alone when we get back. They work on Edge’s ankle a lot as this needs to end. It’s your standard main event tag match. To be fair, this was pretty solid. Punk of course jobs to the Pedigree.
Results
Drew McIntyre b. Matt Hardy – Double Arm DDT
Undertaker b. Jack Swagger – Tombstone
MacGruber/Great Khali b. Vladmir Kozlov – Count Out
Rey Mysterio/HHH/Edge b. Luke Gallows/CM Punk/Chris Jericho – Pedigree on Punk
Tuesday
WWE offered fans at Raw refunds last night. That’s cool of them.
Raw – 3.1
Impact – 1.0
JR is meeting with TNA. Could be interesting. Anything is better than Taz.
NXT
Date: April 20, 2010
Location: Mohegan Sun Casino, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews
That theme song is growing on me really fast. We open with the rookies in no apparent order being introduced to the crowd in the ring. Apparently we’re having a joust ala American Gladiators. You have the big q-tip like sticks and I guess it’s a tournament style. It’s called Rock-em Sock-em Rookies. Oh dear. Winner gets a feature on WWE.com.
First match: Heath Slater vs. David Otunga. They’re number four and five in the poll, so I’m guessing it’s like the NCAA brackets. Yep it is. Slater wins.
Second match: Sheffield vs. Barrett. This lasts like 2 seconds and Sheffield wins but Barrett is falling so he jumps at him. It looked odd.
Ok never mind it’s not tournament style as we have 1 vs. 7 with Bryan vs. Tarver. Tarver throws the stick down and steps off. Seriously, why is he here?
Young vs. Gabriel ends us. Young wins easily.
Slater vs. Jericho later.
Oh before I forget, here are the rankings.
1. Daniel Bryan
2. Wade Barrett
3. Justin Gabriel
4. Wade Barrett
5. David Otunga
6. Skip Sheffield
7. Michael Tarver
8. Darren Young
We talk about Cena vs. Batista. Sure why not.
We hear the pros talk about Wade Barrett. He’s not my cup of tea but then again I hate tea so maybe that’s a good thing.
Otunga and R-Truth are here.
David Otunga vs. Justin Gabriel
Gabriel – 4-2
Otunga – 4-2
Damn Otunga has some power going for him. I have Gabriel in the fantasy league so a win here would be nice. Otunga dominates early on and does some basic submission stuff. Not bad and certainly passable I guess. Gabriel’s white boots are a bit odd.
Gabriel hits a senton over the top to the floor. Not that we saw it or anything. Ah ok we get it on the replay. 450 is set up but Otunga rolls out of the way before it’s launched. Gabriel gets a sunset flip as R-Truth won’t grab his hand for the save, moving to 5-2 while Otunga is 4-3.
The semi-finals are Slater vs. Sheffield and Young vs. Bryan.
Sheffield beats Slater with relative ease. The longest of these things has been maybe 7 seconds.
Young beats Bryan, making Sheffield vs. Young the finals.
Apparently Cole has a blog and calls his fans the Cole Miners. That’s not a blog. That is a cry for help.
Michael Tarver is here to talk. Oh joy. He issues an open challenge to any rookie or pro. Sheffield comes out to accept, but here comes Punk, Young, Gallows and Serena. Punk says Young is looking for competition also and shows him beating Gallows last week. Punk refers to the joust as the little stick fighting thing. That’s just amusing. Apparently it’s a triple threat.
Skip Sheffield vs. Michael Tarver vs. Darren Young
Sheffield – 0-4
Tarver – 0-5
Young – 5-2
Young has a better record than Gabriel? We go to a break nearly immediately. It’s the standard formula stuff with one guy getting beaten up badly by both guys but they can’t let each other win. Young goes up but Gallows shoves him off and takes down Sheffield. Young wins anyway due to Tarver’s high level of suck. Tarver is 0-6, Sheffield is 0-5 and Young is 6-2.
We get a package on Slater who is much better than I expected.
Sheffield and Young more or less tie but the referee gives it to Sheffield. Apparently we’re going to do it again. The fans literally could not care less. He wins cleanly the second time.
Chris Jericho vs. Heath Slater
Slater – 4-2
Slater isn’t even out yet and it’s 11:03. Decent little back and forth match here with Jericho making the kid look great. Jericho goes for the Walls but Slater rolls him up for the pin! Did not see that one coming. Totally clean win. Jericho FREAKS like in the old school WCW crybaby days to end the show. He shouts at the referee that he’s stupid. That cracked me up for some reason.
Results
Justin Gabriel b. David Otunga – Sunset flip
Darren Young b. Skip Sheffield and Michael Tarver – Release Dragon Suplex
Skip Sheffield wins the Rock-Em Sock-Em Challenge
Heath Slater b. Chris Jericho – Small Package
Wednesday
Apparently the Raw guys are on their way back home.
Thursday
We have big news for once. Today, WWE released Mickie James, Katie Lea, Slam Master J, Jimmy Wang Yang, Kung Fu Naki and SHELTON BENJAMIN. I guess Spring Cleaning has begun.
Add Mike Knox to that.
Friday
Smackdown
Date: April 23, 2010
Location: Mohegan Sun Casino, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Matt Striker
We open with a recap of last week’s triple threat for the title. I will give them credit for having a world title match on free TV. There need to be more of those.
Jack Swagger comes out and has something to say. He talks about how he had a great week, beating Edge and Jericho and “dominating” Undertaker like no one, including Shawn Michaels, can do. Swagger is getting much better on the mic. Great promo and by far his best ever.
Jack Swagger vs. John Morrison
Well you can’t say they’re not having him fight top talent. They did this match two weeks ago and if I recall it was decent then. Swagger hits a powerslam and we go to commercial. Swagger is dominating for the most part. In a nice bit, Morrison goes for a kick that he hit a few weeks ago but this time Swagger blocks it. That’s a nice touch and it shows psychology.
Swagger busts out a crossface chicken wing of all things. And we get a wheelbarrow slam. He’s going WAY old school tonight. Back to the submission. Can’t complain about someone bringing in a new hold into his arsenal. Morrison gets going and we have a good match going here. A rollup gets two and that springboard kick Morrison uses gets a LONG two. The powerbomb connects but Morrison grabs the ropes.
And then he hits something close to Trouble in Paradise and Starship Pain for the clean pin? Is there a point to having your world champion lose twice clean in a week before his first PPV title defense? I get the Taker loss, but Morrison? I flat out do not get that one. Good match though. That looks like a different belt for some reason.
There’s a cage above the ring.
Punk is mad about losing some of his hair. He calls Rey a gremlin. That’s rather funny. Teddy Long is rather worthless. He makes Punk and Gallows vs. Rey and someone bald. Oh it’s Kane. Ok then.
R-Truth/Matt Hardy vs. Dolph Ziggler/Drew McIntyre
That music is growing on me and that scares the hell out of me. Matt is the heart and soul of Smackdown? How is Smackdown still alive? If nothing else three of the four theme songs are cool. I know we’re gearing up to McIntyre and Hardy, but I’d think Drew keeps it. No reason why but that’s my call. Todd almost catches Matt by saying Roddy Piper was the first Scottish born IC Champion but he’s Canadian so there we are.
Truth and Ziggler start us off. You know, this is our second match involving MITB people. Maybe it should stick around. After a grand total of nothing happening, we go to a break. We come back with Hardy vs. McIntyre. They go to the floor and in a SICK spot, McIntyre curb stomps Hardy on the steps. In other words, Matt’s head was on the steps and Drew stomped it. The referee says that’s enough and calls it. Drew jumps Hardy after the match and slams him into the steps. Hardy’s look is GREAT.
Jericho and Barrett are here.
The cage is lowered.
Back from break and Jericho and Barrett come out and get in the cage. Jericho says that he’s going to end Edge’s career. Edge comes out and says he will be in the cage and wonders how Jericho lost to Slater. That’s a damn good question actually. Edge talks about all his injuries and how he kept coming back. Has Jericho ever gotten hurt badly? Not that I remember actually.
Edge goes after Jericho and beats both guys up a bit. Jericho gets out of the cage and Edge beats the hell out of Barrett. One issue here: if Jericho gets out Sunday, he wins. How is this a victory for Edge? Barrett takes a spear.
Ad for Macgruber. Wow I can’t stand that character now.
Shad is on commentary for the next match.
JTG vs. Mike Knox
Shad vs. JTG in a strap match Sunday. By the time this is being written, Knox doesn’t have a job. Any guesses as to who wins here? The only highlight here is a nice dive by JTG. He wins with a spinning clothesline/neckbreaker move. Shad beats him up post match and says it’s his time. Hope HHH doesn’t hear him say that.
We get a package on the last man standing match which is ok as they didn’t have Raw to build it up properly.
We recap the Punk gets his haircut thing from Monday, and by that I mean we show it, complete with Raw commentary. This was like 10 minutes of pure filler.
Divas are up next.
Michelle McCool/Layla vs. Mickie James/Beth Phoenix
Beth vs. Michelle on Sunday. Yeah Michelle is still gorgeous. Vickie…still looks like she fell out of an ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. Mickie is out of a job now too. Layla getting beaten up is funny for some reason. The heels work on Beth’s knee to give us some psychology. I have NEVER heard a crowd this quiet before.
They pop for Mickie, who of course gets the only pop of the match. And Layla hits a neckbreaker on Mickie for the pin. Post match Layla pulls out an ironing board, which allegedly took her about 3 minutes to find in the original filming of it. The heels cover Beth’s face in lipstick afterwards.
Kane and Mysterio are ready. I love the whole it’s cool that you tried to kill me so many times.
Back from break and Punk and Gallows are here. Punk talks on the way to the ring and says that Rey is a coward and someone is getting their head shaved tonight. Wow I can’t stand Rey. I truly can’t.
Kane/Rey Mysterio vs. Luke Gallows/CM Punk
You know, Gallows is getting to rub elbows with some really high level guys lately. On Monday it was Rey and HHH, now it’s Kane. Not bad at all. Punk and Kane come in and we go to a break. Yeah I’m stunned too. Back in and it’s Kane and Gallows. When Rey is your hot tag, it’s an odd thing. Punk takes an uppercut from Kane and the look is hilarious.
We get a decent main event tag out of this. You know the kind I’m talking about. To end it, Rey goes for West Coast Pop but it’s reversed into a cradle for the pin. Yes, Punk actually got a win. Post match Rey fights back and almost gets the 619 because no Smackdown can end with a heel in triumph.
Results
John Morrison b. Jack Swagger – Starship Pain
Drew McIntyre/Dolph Ziggler b. Matt Hardy/R-Truth – Referee Stoppage
JTG b. Mike Knox – Spinning clothesline/neckbreaker
Layla/Michelle McCool b. Mickie James/Beth Phoenix – Neckbreaker on Mickie
CM Punk/Luke Gallows b. Kane/Rey Mysterio – Reversed Hurricanrana
Saturday
Mark Henry got arrested in Ireland for throwing a drink at a fan. Is there a reason why he still has a job?
Sunday
Apparently Batista will be gone soon. Sad to know in a way. Yeah that’s a lie. I’ll be glad he’s gone.
Extreme Rules
Date: April 25, 2010
Location: 1st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Arena
Attendance: 12,278
Commentators: Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Jerry Lawler
Ok so here we are. Again this is hopefully going to be a live review so if it comes off as odd don’t be surprised. This show was plagued by a lack of Raw build up show due to the volcano in Iceland. Even still though, this is a minor PPV as it’s just a rehash of the Mania feuds. This is the show where everything is a gimmick match which is always at least cool in theory. The main event is Batista/Cena in a last man standing match. Let’s get to it.
Opening video more or less says that Extreme rules. Cute. Incredibly stupid, but cute. Rey/Punk gets a higher billing than Edge/Jericho. That’s rather odd. Standard video package that sums up everything. WWE is very user friendly. It’s easy to step into any show and get what’s going on. That’s a HUGE perk for attracting new fans.
Street Fight: HHH vs. Sheamus
WOW. This is the opener? I’m stunned actually. This has been a decent build up to a feud…and there’s no HHH. ICELAND ATTACKS AGAIN! We go to the back and Sheamus has jumped HHH. I like it. It gives things a feeling of you don’t know what’s coming which is a very nice touch to say the least. The pale one has a steel pipe and gets in a solid shot on HHH’s head. I guess this has officially started but I’m not sure. The referee calls for the medic and we go to the arena.
And Big Show and Miz are here. Ok then. These two aren’t scheduled but I’d bet on a tag title match. They’re not scheduled but they just happen to have their wrestling gear on. The jacket on Miz works in some weird way. Miz has risen so far so fast that it’s amazing. I think Bret is going to be here soon. Oh apparently they’re moving that to tomorrow.
They say they have a lack of competition and they’re praying for opponents. I smell Kane for some reason. Here’s Teddy Long. He makes ShowMiz vs. a team of his choosing. This is just for a title shot, not the titles. Got it. And the opponents are….not announced yet. I’m liking this live way of reviewing actually. Ah .
Tag Team Gauntlet Match
R-Truth and Morrison are opening us up here. This is the first of three teams. I know this is a rematch of Mania but come on now. Actually this works so I can’t complain that much. Cole says the fans are behind the face team. NO REALLY? It’s a bit better than the previous one at Mania, but not by much. Morrison fucks up and gets disqualified by not letting Show out of the ropes when he has a triangle choke on. Ok then.
Team number two is MVP/Mark Henry. This is rather short but it works fine I guess. Without going into details, MVP gets punched and pinned.
Cue Hart Dynasty, Hart Attack, pin. Literally, that’s it.
Grisham tries to give us an update on HHH but Sheamus says he’ll have to forfeit or get a worse beating.
CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio
Remember if Punk loses his head is shaved. Punk NEEDS this. Rey is wearing a Skelator mask. Ok then. Punk hits that sweet powerslam of his. In a nice spot, Punk just throws Punk under the ropes so he crashes into the floor. Nicely done. Gallows has a bit of an Austin look going for him. Decent match far and longer than their Mania one I think. Come on WWE don’t kill Punk off yet. He busts out a bow and arrow of all things. Nice.
Striker tries to turn Cole and Lawler to Straightedge. I like it. Punk busts out a freaking Gory Special of all things. See? Even back then they had special moves. No Mercy stole from them! Punk is more or less dominating, which scares me to no end. Serena stops the 619 and she and Gallows get ejected. Rey hits an Asai Moonsault to get right back into it. Crowd is red hot by the way. Rey gets a seated senton but Punk hits a dropkick to make the save.
This is a storied rivalry already. No Striker. Just no. Punk hits his springboard clothesline and I can’t stand Rey anymore. Seriously, get over the whole overcoming the odds idea. It’s just stupid anymore. GTS is countered into a rana for 2 and then punk kicks Rey’s head off. Solid match to put it mildly.
Rey gets the fucking 619 and someone slides a chair into the ring. It’s a bald guy that slides under the ring. No clue who that was. He also drops Rey with something on the floor and Rey is out. GTS ends it. YES!
Strap Match: JTG vs. Shad Gaspar
It’s the four corners version here which I’m in the minority that actually prefers it that way. I just could not care less about this match. I truly couldn’t. JTG needs to win to regain credibility apparently. That would imply he had it to begin with, which is a straight up lie. Shad is dominating for the most part here. Yeah riveting.
Wow the crowd is SILENT for this. Who would have seen that coming? Shad just destroys JTG here and beats on him with the strap sans mercy. Shad gets his first three…and JTG does the same three. Not THIS finish again. Yep. JTG hits his finisher and dives for the 4th corner. Fuck me running at least it’s over.
HHH can’t fight tonight. Yeah I’ll buy that.
Orton vs. Swagger is next? Really? We hit the recap. You know the drill by now.
Smackdown World Title: Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger
Remember it’s Extreme Rules which I guess means no rules? Crowd loves them some Orton. Swagger controls early on as you would expect. I’m hoping they don’t make the switch tonight. Orton chasing the title for a few months would be nice. Also Swagger needs the credibility that the title gives him. I love how more or less the announcers say Orton has nothing but the RKO. That’s not that nice.
Swagger is dominating but Orton gets a belt shot to break that up. Ok then. Orton hits that same powerslam that Punk hit earlier. Swagger counters the elevated DDT too. Nicely done. It’s garbage can time. SICK shots with it from Orton. Those were nice. Orton is going off now and it’s awesome. Orton does a stomp to Swagger’s head while he’s on the steps. Ow. The knee drop misses though and Swagger hits the floor.
Naturally he gets caught in the elevated DDT though and it’s Orton setting for the RKO now. Hint: when he slaps the mat and shouts, it means RKO is coming. Instead though he sets up a chair but the RKO onto it is countered. Well kind of it was. The look came off terribly but I get the concept.
Gutwrench powerbomb hits and Swagger gets the pin. HUGE win there. That was all Swagger as he countered the RKO and got the pin. All Swagger there. Post match Orton gets the RKO to keep the tweener thing going.
And here’s Sheamus. Ok then. And despite not being able to feel his hand, here comes HHH. Ok, if he wins here, I give up.
Street Fight: Sheamus vs. HHH
HHH of course controls to start things off which is bearable I guess. He hits the spinebuster but can’t get the Pedigree because of the arm being how hurt it is. Now this is more like it. He’s just ramming HHH into the barricade over and over again. I forgot this is a street fight. That’s not a good sign at all. Striker and King are arguing like no other here and it’s coming off as great.
Striker says he and Lawler have both wrestled hurt. That’s rather stupid. Striker wrestled for what, a year or so? Just seems ridiculous to compare the two of them. And of course HHH has the energy to use a DDT with his left arm. HHH grabs a pipe and smacks HHH in the head with it. Naturally he kicks out. Sure why not? Apparently after a massive Irish man blasts you in the head with a steel pipe you can kick out via instinct. Sure why not?
Celtic Cross is blocked. Apparently that’s called Pale Justice now. HHH gets a kendo stick and all of a sudden his arm is fine. That makes my head hurt. This has at least picked up a bit. Pump kick hits though. A second kick hits and it’s all Sheamus. Naturally he lets HHH get up and the third and fourth kicks land to FINALLY end him.
And remember kiddies: do not attempt making yourself look that strong without a licensed wife with connections. To be fair, the ending makes this a lot more bearable. Post match he fights off a cervical collar and tries to crawl off. He’s almost to the entrance when Sheamus hits ANOTHER kick to put him down again. Nice.
Ad for Over the Limit. Oh dear.
Edge is getting ready.
Smackdown Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Michelle McCool
This is an Extreme Makeover match. Michelle looks great of course. The music helps a lot here for her I think. There’s a table of makeup etc at ringside. Beth gets a semi-pop. Csn someone shut Beth up? Please? Michelle is possibly the best women’s athlete ever? Really? That’s just pitiful.
Basically we’re just making fun of Vickie and using random weapons like hairspray and ironing boards. Beth counters the hairspray again and it’s one on one now. Vickie has a broom. Make your own jokes. Glam Slam ends it like it should have.
Ad for the Mania DVD.
Jericho does his usual great promo about how it ends tonight. He looks buff to say the least.
No recap actually.
Cage Match: Edge vs. Chris Jericho
Ah ok we got a quick recap after Edge’s intro. Makes more sense. Jericho stalls a lot to play himself some heel. Ah there we go now they’re both in. And we see Jericho’s ass. Didn’t need that one there. Jericho gets rammed into the cage. Striker: The metal militia bares its fangs. Edge goes for the spear but misses entirely. That’s never a good thing. I love that springboard dropkick that Jericho busts out from time to time. Striker talks about footwork and Lawler just couldn’t care less.
In a cool spot, Jericho hits a leg whip from the top into the Walls. Nicely done. Edge does the climb the ropes spot to get out which is a nice counter. Jericho has the door open and knocks Edge to the middle of the ring. Then of course like an idiot he gets out of the cage and goes back in. Yeah he’s an idiot. Edge hits a fast spear for two. Codebreaker gets two and we fight on top of the cage for a bit.
Edge gets crotched and Jericho gets out AGAIN but this time Edge stops him from falling. We fight on top even more and Jericho comes back into the cage. And so does Edge. In a NICE spot, Edge is standing on the top rope and Jericho gets a running start, hits the other rope and into a Codebreaker so both guys are down. Nice. That only gets two for a pretty weak pop. Jericho goes for the top of the cage but Edge saves again.
He slams the door on Jericho’s ankle. That would freaking hurt. Edge spins the ankle around in a weird move. This is more psychological than anything else. Ok not really but there’s some of it in there. More ankle work. Edge hits a CRAP spear for the pin. Why does the announcer’s voice always crack when he’s saying superstar?
We recap Cena vs. Batista. You know it by now.
Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Batista
We get the big match intros. Depending on the source you read, this might be Big Dave’s last match. We get some feeling out stuff and then Batista is like fuck it I’m getting a chair. Naturally this doesn’t work. When did so many people start using the big boot? FU doesn’t hit and Cena is thrown into the post. Batista goes for the knee because that strategy always works in these things right? He does that for a good while.
Cena gets a reversal into the steps to get Cena back to about even. Batista busts out a damn figure four. Well you can’t fault him for a lack of psychology. Cena goes into his sequence but Batista hits the floor. FU onto the chair hits but it gets 8. Wow that’s odd to type. Spinebuster gets 8 for Big Dave. Cena goes thgrough a table and of course that’s not enough. Batista is looking for plundah, perhaps a bicycle, when a kid yells that he hates the Animal.
The Animal feels the same way. Cena puts him through the announce table. You can kind of say this is a paint by numbers thing. It’s not but you could say it is. STFU goes on and Big Dave taps, but you can’t win that way. He’s out but gets up at 9. Nice little throwback (I crack myself up) to Raw two weeks ago.
With nothing else left, Cena crotches him on the post and busts out Duct Tape to tie his legs together. Since he isn’t standing, that’s good enough to retain. Or win the title according to the main page. That’s the show.
Results
Hart Dynasty b. Big Show/The Miz – Hart Attack
CM Punk b. Rey Mysterio – Go To Sleep
JTG b. Shad – Touched 4th Turnbuckle
Jack Swagger b. Randy Orton – Gutwrench Powerbomb
Sheamus b. HHH – Pump Kick
Beth Phoenix b. Michelle McCool – Glam Slam
Edge b. Chris Jericho – Spear
John Cena b. Batista – 10 Count
Quick Results
Impact
Beautiful People b. ODB/Daffney – Hairspray to the eyes and rollup
Rob Van Dam b. Jeff Hardy – Five Star Frog Splash
Team Hogan b. Team Flair – Muscle Buster on Roode
Rob Van Dan b. AJ Styles – Five Star Frog Splash
Raw
Drew McIntyre b. Matt Hardy – Double Arm DDT
Undertaker b. Jack Swagger – Tombstone
MacGruber/Great Khali b. Vladmir Kozlov – Count Out
Rey Mysterio/HHH/Edge b. Luke Gallows/CM Punk/Chris Jericho – Pedigree on Punk
NXT
Justin Gabriel b. David Otunga – Sunset flip
Darren Young b. Skip Sheffield and Michael Tarver – Release Dragon Suplex
Skip Sheffield wins the Rock-Em Sock-Em Challenge
Heath Slater b. Chris Jericho – Small Package
Smackdown
John Morrison b. Jack Swagger – Starship Pain
Drew McIntyre/Dolph Ziggler b. Matt Hardy/R-Truth – Referee Stoppage
JTG b. Mike Knox – Spinning clothesline/neckbreaker
Layla/Michelle McCool b. Mickie James/Beth Phoenix – Neckbreaker on Mickie
CM Punk/Luke Gallows b. Kane/Rey Mysterio – Reversed Hurricanrana
Extreme Rules
Hart Dynasty b. Big Show/The Miz – Hart Attack
CM Punk b. Rey Mysterio – Go To Sleep
JTG b. Shad – Touched 4th Turnbuckle
Jack Swagger b. Randy Orton – Gutwrench Powerbomb
Sheamus b. HHH – Pump Kick
Beth Phoenix b. Michelle McCool – Glam Slam
Edge b. Chris Jericho – Spear
John Cena b. Batista – 10 Count