klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 8, 2018
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Sonjay Dutt
Its a big show tonight with Crossroads. The name doesnt really mean anything but its a stacked card with Austin Aries defending the World Title against Johnny Impact as the main event. Last weeks show saw Sami Callihan crush Eddie Edwards face with a baseball bat so you can almost guarantee some fallout there. Lets get to it.
In the studio, Dutt and Matthews run down the card and talk about how important tonight is.
We recap LAX vs. the Cult of Lee, which boils down to LAX needs challengers and the Cult of Lee is all we have.
Tag Team Titles: LAX vs. Cult of Lee
LAX is defending and jumps the Cult before the bell. They slug it out on the floor with Caleb Konley throwing Ortiz into the steps to take over. We finally settle down to Santana and Konley in the ring with a Lionsault/legdrop combination crushing Caleb as we take a break. Back with Santana hitting a running kick to the face to put Lee down. The hot tag brings in Ortiz for some running ax handles and a backdrop.
The champs start their double teaming, followed by the barrage of flip dives. Back in and some hard forearms into a superkick rock LAX, followed by a Samoan Driver for two on Santana. Ortiz hits a quick suplex into a Stunner but Lee breaks up the Street Sweeper. Konnan offers a quick distraction though and now the Street Sweeper puts Konley away at 13:00.
Bobby Lashley doesnt have a partner tonight but is ready to face OVE on his own tonight.
Classic clip: Monty Brown vs. Christian.
We recap Taiji Ishimori vs. Matt Sydal in a title for title match. Grand Champion Sydal has been following the advice of his spirit guide and won the title as a result. Now the guide has told him to go win the X-Division Title as well.
X-Division Title/Grand Championship: Taiji Ishimori vs. Matt Sydal
Title for title. I didnt hear a bell ring but its a feeling out process to start with Sydal taking him up against the ropes and saying PEACE twice in a row. Ishimori spins out of a wristlock as the announcers make fun of internet reports. Sydal takes him up top but gets shoved down, followed by a jumping Codebreaker as we take a break.
Back with Ishimori holding a chinlock but getting slammed head first into the mat for the break. A half crab keeps Ishimori down and a reverse Muta Lock makes things even worse. Ishimori fights up and hits a running kick to the chest, followed by a Vader Bomb double stomp (I still dont get how that doesnt crack a rib) for two. A modified TKO (Sydals back was against the back of Ishimoris head) gets two more but Sydal snaps off a middle rope hurricanrana to get things to even.
Sydal is sent outside and Ishimori gets a running start down the ramp for a hurricanrana. Back in and they exchange near falls until Sydals jumping knee t the face drops Ishimori. The shooting star misses and Ishimoris Tombstone gutbuster puts him down. The 450 hits knees though and Sydal hits the shooting star for the pin at 16:25.
Allie is ready to win the Knockouts Title back because shes grown as a Knockout. Shell dedicate the win to Gail Kim. WELL OF COURSE SHE WILL!
We recap Allie vs. Laurel Van Ness. Laurel is all crazy and such but Allie is growing up and immune to her mind games.
Knockouts Title: Laurel Van Ness vs. Allie
Laurel is defending and Allie jumps her in the aisle to start. They head inside with Laurel hammering away and pounding Allie in the face on the mat. Laurel misses a dive off the top though and walks into a Codebreaker for a double knockdown. Allie suplexes her into the corner and takes Laurel outside where the champ is sat in a chair.
A running elbow drops Laurel but she grabs an Unprettier onto the floor to knock Allie silly. Thats only good for nine so Laurel stomps away back inside and a curb stomp sends Allie face first into the buckle. Laurel grabs the belt but walks into a Death Valley Driver. A superkick is enough to give Allie the title back at 8:40.
Post break, Gail congratulates Allie. Good, now go away.
Austin Aries is sore from carrying the world on his back. Tonight, hes ready to defeat Johnny Impact because he doesnt take nights off.
We recap OVE vs. Lashley. OVE decided to go after a big prize like Lashley but Eddie Edwards came to Lashleys aide. Then Sami Callihan crushed Eddies face with a baseball bat, making this a handicap match.
Lashley vs. OVE
Lashley clotheslines them down on the ramp and then suplexes both of them inside. Some kicks to the ribs take Lashley down though and we take an early break. Back with Lashley still in trouble but heres Brian Cage to tag himself in and start cleaning house. Dave is sent to the floor so Sami comes in with the baseball bat. That earns him a spear though and Cage Drill Claws Jake for the pin at 9:56.
Johnny Impact has more names than Aries has titles but he doesnt call himself the greatest man that ever lived. Hes not that insecure and only wants the Impact World Title. Tonight is his night.
Feast or Fired is back next week.
Impact Wrestling World Title: Austin Aries vs. Johnny Impact
Johnny is challenging. Feeling out process to start with Aries rolling into the corner for a standoff. Aries jumps over him in the corner and snaps off an armdrag into an armbar. Thats broken up so Aries settles for a basement dropkick instead. Back from a break with Johnny hitting a jumping fall away slam and grabbing a cobra clutch with a body scissors. Johnny lets go but Aries breaks up a springboard by knocking the legs out.
Aries follows him to the floor with an ax handle and a middle rope elbow to the back gets two. The sliding German suplex gets Johnny out of trouble and a double springboard Flying Chuck gives him a near fall of his own. A leg lariat and the standing shooting star give Johnny two more but Aries is right back with the Last Chancery.
Johnny gets a foot on the ropes for the break and manages to catch Aries on top with a Spanish Fly. Thats not enough for the Countdown to Impact as Aries blasts him in the face and pulls Johnny to the apron. A Death Valley Driver on the apron knocks Johnny silly, followed by the brainbuster to retain the title at 18:11.
Alberto El Patron comes out to applaud Aries to end the show. Well where would we be without Alberto getting a title shot?
Results
LAX b. Cult of Lee Street Sweeper to Konley
Matt Sydal b. Taiji Ishimori Shooting star press
Allie b. Laurel Van Ness Superkick
Austin Aries b. Johnny Impact Brainbuster
Friday
Nothing.
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Fastlane 2018
Date: March 11, 2018
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves
So this is a thing that exists for reasons that I dont quite grasp. With four weeks to go before Wrestlemania, we have this stop for the final Smackdown pay per view before the big show. The main event is a Six Pack Challenge for the Smackdown World Title as there was no other way to break things up and add another match to a six match card. Lets get to it.
Kickoff Show: Tye Dillinger/Breezango vs. Mojo Rawley/Chad Gable/Shelton Benjamin
Gable throws Breeze down to start and calls him a joke. Just dont insult his shoes. Fandango comes in and puts on some amateur wrestling headgear, allowing Gable to take him down as well. Its back to Breeze so Gable drops down to give him a shot. Breeze rides him like a horse and the good guys clear the ring in short order. Gable comes back in with a hard monkey flip and we go to an early break.
Back with Shelton working on Breezes arm before its off to Gable for some shots to the face. Another armbar sets up an overhead belly to belly for two with Fandango making the save. Mojo takes over on Tyler and knocks Fandango into the barricade but a hot tag brings in Tye. Dillinger comes in and cleans house as everything breaks down. Gable rolls Tye up (in what seemed to be an incomplete Rolling Chaos Theory) for two but Breeze is right there with the Beauty Shot. Tye superkicks Rawley and hits his one kneed Codebreaker for the pin at 7:26.
The opening video looks at Wrestlemania with tonight being the last chance to get there. Especially if youre John Cena you see. Every match gets a little time here, which isnt that hard to do.
Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Rusev
Aiden English is back to sing Rusev to the ring. Rusev wristlocks him to start and actually works on an armbar for a bit. A shot to the face staggers Rusev but he avoids the big kick to the head. Instead a knee drop gives Nakamura two as the announcers discuss a potential Nakamura day.
Nakamura has to spin out of another wristlock as this is far more technical than you might have expected. A little dance sets up COME ON but Rusev rolls outside to cut off the momentum. I always wanted someone to do that to Hogan back in the day. Nakamura follows him out this time and its a knee to the back of the neck to rock Rusev. A hard drive into the barricade cuts Nakamura off though and its time to start in on the back.
Rusev gets caught in a quick heel hook but is right back up and working on the back again. Nakamura shrugs them off again and slaps on a guillotine but gets caught in a fall away slam. They trade missed kicks until Kinshasa misses. Instead its Nakamura slipping out of the Accolade, followed by the kick to the head. The Machka Kick gets two, only to have Nakamura hit Kinshasa for the pin at 14:51.
We recap the US Title match. There isnt much to this one: Bobby Roode is champion, Randy Orton has never held the title and Jinder Mahal is lurking around for whatever reason.
US Title: Randy Orton vs. Bobby Roode
Roode is defending and we get Big Match Intros. They fight over a wristlock to start (FIND SOMETHING NEW ALREADY) and Roode throws him into the corner, setting up the GLORIOUS pose. That just earns Roode an elbow to the face and we hit that RKO chant. They trade some hard shots to the face/chest until the threat of an RKO sends Roode bailing to the floor.
With Mahal watching in the back, Orton drapes Roode ribs first over the ropes for two. Roode kicks him away though and grabs a chinlock for quite a bit of spot calling. Roodes ribs wont let him hit a suplex so Orton gives him one instead. A neckbreaker is more Roodes speed and he follows up with a top rope clothesline. The Glorious DDT is reversed into a rollup for two and Roode needs a breather.
Roode scores with a Blockbuster for two but the ribs are banged up all over again. Theres the hanging DDT to keep the back and forth style going but neither can hit a finisher. They head outside with Roode being dropped back first onto the barricade (you cant say Orton doesnt have a target) and that means its time for the superplex. Roode is ready though (could be due to every Orton ever using that move) and reverses into a sunset powerbomb for a big crash.
This time its Roode going up top and getting crotched back down, meaning the superplex works on the second attempt. Roode kicks out again so its time for the slower paced punches. The Glorious DDT doesnt work so Roode goes with the spinebuster for two instead. With nothing else working, Roode goes up top .and dives right into the RKO to give Orton the pin and the title at 19:30.
Post match Jinder Mahal comes down and jumps Randy but Roode gives them both Glorious DDTs. So yeah, we really are getting that triple threat at Wrestlemania. Why? No idea really but WWE loves its triple threats and its Jinder Mahal so theres no way around it.
Heres a long recap on HHH/Stephanie McMahon vs. Kurt Angle/Ronda Rousey to fill in some time.
Kevin Owens yells at Sami Zayn for not laying down on Tuesday but Sami only meant hed do it here. Everything is fine.
Natalya/Carmella vs. Naomi/Becky Lynch
This was added to the show on Tuesday. Becky rolls Carmella up to start but cant get an early Disarm-Her. Its off to Naomi and Natalya with the former kicking Natalya down for two. Carmella comes in and sends Naomi into the corner before rubbing her face into the mat. Carmella: FEEL THE GLOW! We hit the chinlock as the announcers tease Carmella cashing in Money in the Bank tonight. With that chinlock having run its course, Natalya comes in for one of her own.
Carmella grabs Naomis ponytail and pulls it over the ropes, followed by a running knee to the head. Naomi backflips out of a belly to back suplex though and the hot tag brings in Becky (who happens to be wearing flame attire so the hot tag fits well). Everything breaks down and Natalya tries to bring in the briefcase. The distraction only kind of works though as Becky drops her with a right hand but Carmella superkicks her for the pin at 8:50.
New Day auditions to host next years Kids Choice Awards, capped off by getting slimed.
We recap the Usos vs. New Day. They had a great feud last year and capped it off with their final match but since the tag division has all of four teams, were back to it again. This time the Usos are obsessed with getting a Wrestlemania match because the Kickoff Shows dont matter.
Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. New Day
New Day, comprised of Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods this time, are challenging. An early blind tag sets up a shot to drop Woods in short order (at least it wasnt a wristlock) and New Day is in trouble. The champs do their own version of the Unicorn Stampede and Graves wont have Saxton interfering in his analysis.
Woods rolls over and brings in Kofi for a Boom Drop but Trouble in Paradise is caught in the air. A running Umaga Attack rocks Jey in the corner so its Jimmy coming in with a pop up Samoan drop. Jimmy hits his own Boom Drop as theyre certainly doing something different here. A Midnight Hour gets two on Kofi and things settle back down. Jimmy misses a corner splash and the hot tag brings in Woods.
This time its the Usos being knocked around, allowing Kofi to get two off a Superfly Splash. Jimmy saves his brother from the double Superfly Splash (that would be the next step) and its a BIG double dive onto New Day. Everyone is down .so here are the Bludgeon Brothers to attack all four for a no contest at 9:07.
Post match, destruction ensues as we set up another triple threat at Wrestlemania. The Usos are both crushed with Rowan slamming Harper onto them both and a double splash. Woods gets powerbombed onto the steps to knock him cold.
Long video on Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar. You have to get to that overrun somehow.
AJ Styles is ready to make the impossible phenomenal again but Nakamura interrupts. Theyre ready for each other at Wrestlemania.
New Day and the Usos are still being taken out of the arena.
We recap Charlotte vs. Ruby Riott. Ruby debuted a few months back with the Riott Squad and wants to prove that Charlottes greatness is just a myth. Shes defeated most of the other women and now just the champ is left. This has been a much better build than you get most of the time because it makes sense: Ruby wants the title and has won a bunch of matches to get the shot. Why is that so complicated?
Womens Title: Charlotte vs. Ruby Riott
Riott is challenging. They both try an early finisher before going to the standard wristlock. Charlotte takes over with the power but heres the Riott Squad for a distraction. A quick Riott Kick gives Ruby two and Charlotte is sent outside. Cue Becky and Naomi for backup to cut off the Squad, allowing Charlotte to score with a slingshot suplex (with Graves crediting it to Uncle Tully).
Riott drops her again though and falls off the middle rope (on purpose) onto the champ. Were off to the chinlock for a good while but another falling splash hits Charlottes knees. Charlotte loads up the moonsault but gets shoved outside. Ruby follows her so Charlotte goes with (and mostly misses) the moonsault off the barricade instead. Back in and a hurricanrana takes Charlotte down but she bails into the corner.
The Squad teases interfering so Becky and Naomi get in, meaning a quadruple ejection. Ruby gets two off a small package but gets caught in an electric chair. Instead of dropping her back though, Charlotte whips her face first into the turnbuckle. A spear into the Figure Eight retains the title at 13:38.
Post match Charlotte is celebrating when Asuka interrupts. She motions that she wants the title and points to the sign. Works for me.
Trailer for the Andre the Giant documentary.
We recap the Smackdown World Title match. AJ wants to go to Wrestlemania and a bunch of people want the title as well. Sami Zayn has volunteered to lay down for Kevin Owens, who deserves to be champion. John Cena needs a path to Wrestlemania and this is his LAST way to get there. Or something.
Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. Baron Corbin vs. AJ Styles, Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens vs. Dolph Ziggler
Styles is defending, Commissioner Shane McMahon is at ringside and its one fall to a finish. We hit the Big Match Intros and Cena gives everyone not named Styles (or in a referee shirt) an AA in about thirty seconds. Cena and Styles slug it out with AJ flipping out of an AA attempt. The Clash is countered into another failed AA so Styles gets to the apron. Everyone is back up and circles Cena, who suddenly gets the idea.
Cena is sent outside and the other five are left to brawl on their own. AJ and Owens are left inside and its Styles planting him face first to take over. Corbin comes back in and were firmly in the rapid fire replacements as AJ keeps clearing them out. Its Owens finally getting in a shot to the head and knocking Styles outside. Cena is back in but Ziggler cuts him off with a DDT.
Owens frog splashes Ziggler for two and Styles has to run in with a save. Styles strikes away at Owens and hits the Pele but its too early for the Styles Clash. Theres a chokebreaker to Owens as we hit the parade of secondary finishers. The AA is countered into a Fameasser for two on Ziggler and AJ has to break up the STF. Cena gets caught in the Styles Clash for two with Sami making a save this time around.
Corbin punches Sami out of the air to break up a springboard and the Dream Crusher (that sliding clothesline) takes Owens down. Since there are too many people in the match, Corbin and Ziggler fight into the crowd and are thrown through some hockey boards. Back at ringside, Owens loads up the announcers table but gets kicked in the head. AJ clotheslines Sami into the timekeepers area but Cena AAs AJ through another table.
Back in and Kevin sends Cena to the floor, leaving the Sami vs. Kevin showdown. Sami says hes a man of his word and takes forever to lay down. Kevin isnt sure what to do but has to kick out of the surprise rollup. The fight is on and Shane seems pleased so Sami yells at him and Kevin superkicks the boss. Sami dives through the ropes for the tornado DDT on Owens and everyone is down.
Theres the Pop Up Powerbomb to Ziggler but Shane pulls the referee out at two. A Helluva Kick gets the same on Owens with Shane making another save. Corbin is back up with some steps to Cenas head but Cena takes them away and decks Cena with them instead. An AA onto the steps gets two with Ziggler diving in for the save this time around. The superkick to Cena is no sold and theres an AA to Ziggler. Owens gives Cena the Pop Up Powerbomb but Styles comes in with the Phenomenal Forearm to pin Kevin at 20:57.
Shane shakes his head and Cena sits in the corner because thats still a thing. AJ looks at the sign to end the show.
Results
Shinsuke Nakamura b. Rusev Kinshasa
Randy Orton b. Bobby Roode RKO
Carmella/Natalya b. Naomi/Becky Lynch Superkick to Natalya
Usos vs. New Day went to a no contest when the Bludgeon Brothers interfered
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
Asuka b. Nia Jax Cross armbreaker
The Bar b. Revival Neutralizer to Dawson
John Cena b. Goldust Attitude Adjustment
Bayley b. Mandy Rose Rollup
Braun Strowman b. Elias Strowman dropped a piano on Elias
Bray Wyatt b. Rhyno Sister Abigail
Finn Balor/Seth Rollins b. Miz/Miztourage Curb Stomp to Miz
Smackdown
Jinder Mahal b. Randy Orton Khallas
Becky Lynch b. Carmella Disarm-Her
AJ Styles vs. Dolph Ziggler went to a no contest when Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn interfered
Sami Zayn b. AJ Styles, Baron Corbin, Kevin Owens and Dolph Ziggler Helluva Kick to Owens
NXT
Authors of Pain b. TM61 Last Chapter to Thorn
Bianca Belair b. Miss Drew Renee Alley Oop
Aleister Black b. Killian Dain Black Mass
Impact Wrestling
LAX b. Cult of Lee Street Sweeper to Konley
Matt Sydal b. Taiji Ishimori Shooting star press
Allie b. Laurel Van Ness Superkick
Austin Aries b. Johnny Impact Brainbuster
Fastlane 2018
Shinsuke Nakamura b. Rusev Kinshasa
Randy Orton b. Bobby Roode RKO
Carmella/Natalya b. Naomi/Becky Lynch Superkick to Natalya
Usos vs. New Day went to a no contest when the Bludgeon Brothers interfered
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 8, 2018
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Sonjay Dutt
Its a big show tonight with Crossroads. The name doesnt really mean anything but its a stacked card with Austin Aries defending the World Title against Johnny Impact as the main event. Last weeks show saw Sami Callihan crush Eddie Edwards face with a baseball bat so you can almost guarantee some fallout there. Lets get to it.
In the studio, Dutt and Matthews run down the card and talk about how important tonight is.
We recap LAX vs. the Cult of Lee, which boils down to LAX needs challengers and the Cult of Lee is all we have.
Tag Team Titles: LAX vs. Cult of Lee
LAX is defending and jumps the Cult before the bell. They slug it out on the floor with Caleb Konley throwing Ortiz into the steps to take over. We finally settle down to Santana and Konley in the ring with a Lionsault/legdrop combination crushing Caleb as we take a break. Back with Santana hitting a running kick to the face to put Lee down. The hot tag brings in Ortiz for some running ax handles and a backdrop.
The champs start their double teaming, followed by the barrage of flip dives. Back in and some hard forearms into a superkick rock LAX, followed by a Samoan Driver for two on Santana. Ortiz hits a quick suplex into a Stunner but Lee breaks up the Street Sweeper. Konnan offers a quick distraction though and now the Street Sweeper puts Konley away at 13:00.
Bobby Lashley doesnt have a partner tonight but is ready to face OVE on his own tonight.
Classic clip: Monty Brown vs. Christian.
We recap Taiji Ishimori vs. Matt Sydal in a title for title match. Grand Champion Sydal has been following the advice of his spirit guide and won the title as a result. Now the guide has told him to go win the X-Division Title as well.
X-Division Title/Grand Championship: Taiji Ishimori vs. Matt Sydal
Title for title. I didnt hear a bell ring but its a feeling out process to start with Sydal taking him up against the ropes and saying PEACE twice in a row. Ishimori spins out of a wristlock as the announcers make fun of internet reports. Sydal takes him up top but gets shoved down, followed by a jumping Codebreaker as we take a break.
Back with Ishimori holding a chinlock but getting slammed head first into the mat for the break. A half crab keeps Ishimori down and a reverse Muta Lock makes things even worse. Ishimori fights up and hits a running kick to the chest, followed by a Vader Bomb double stomp (I still dont get how that doesnt crack a rib) for two. A modified TKO (Sydals back was against the back of Ishimoris head) gets two more but Sydal snaps off a middle rope hurricanrana to get things to even.
Sydal is sent outside and Ishimori gets a running start down the ramp for a hurricanrana. Back in and they exchange near falls until Sydals jumping knee t the face drops Ishimori. The shooting star misses and Ishimoris Tombstone gutbuster puts him down. The 450 hits knees though and Sydal hits the shooting star for the pin at 16:25.
Allie is ready to win the Knockouts Title back because shes grown as a Knockout. Shell dedicate the win to Gail Kim. WELL OF COURSE SHE WILL!
We recap Allie vs. Laurel Van Ness. Laurel is all crazy and such but Allie is growing up and immune to her mind games.
Knockouts Title: Laurel Van Ness vs. Allie
Laurel is defending and Allie jumps her in the aisle to start. They head inside with Laurel hammering away and pounding Allie in the face on the mat. Laurel misses a dive off the top though and walks into a Codebreaker for a double knockdown. Allie suplexes her into the corner and takes Laurel outside where the champ is sat in a chair.
A running elbow drops Laurel but she grabs an Unprettier onto the floor to knock Allie silly. Thats only good for nine so Laurel stomps away back inside and a curb stomp sends Allie face first into the buckle. Laurel grabs the belt but walks into a Death Valley Driver. A superkick is enough to give Allie the title back at 8:40.
Post break, Gail congratulates Allie. Good, now go away.
Austin Aries is sore from carrying the world on his back. Tonight, hes ready to defeat Johnny Impact because he doesnt take nights off.
We recap OVE vs. Lashley. OVE decided to go after a big prize like Lashley but Eddie Edwards came to Lashleys aide. Then Sami Callihan crushed Eddies face with a baseball bat, making this a handicap match.
Lashley vs. OVE
Lashley clotheslines them down on the ramp and then suplexes both of them inside. Some kicks to the ribs take Lashley down though and we take an early break. Back with Lashley still in trouble but heres Brian Cage to tag himself in and start cleaning house. Dave is sent to the floor so Sami comes in with the baseball bat. That earns him a spear though and Cage Drill Claws Jake for the pin at 9:56.
Johnny Impact has more names than Aries has titles but he doesnt call himself the greatest man that ever lived. Hes not that insecure and only wants the Impact World Title. Tonight is his night.
Feast or Fired is back next week.
Impact Wrestling World Title: Austin Aries vs. Johnny Impact
Johnny is challenging. Feeling out process to start with Aries rolling into the corner for a standoff. Aries jumps over him in the corner and snaps off an armdrag into an armbar. Thats broken up so Aries settles for a basement dropkick instead. Back from a break with Johnny hitting a jumping fall away slam and grabbing a cobra clutch with a body scissors. Johnny lets go but Aries breaks up a springboard by knocking the legs out.
Aries follows him to the floor with an ax handle and a middle rope elbow to the back gets two. The sliding German suplex gets Johnny out of trouble and a double springboard Flying Chuck gives him a near fall of his own. A leg lariat and the standing shooting star give Johnny two more but Aries is right back with the Last Chancery.
Johnny gets a foot on the ropes for the break and manages to catch Aries on top with a Spanish Fly. Thats not enough for the Countdown to Impact as Aries blasts him in the face and pulls Johnny to the apron. A Death Valley Driver on the apron knocks Johnny silly, followed by the brainbuster to retain the title at 18:11.
Alberto El Patron comes out to applaud Aries to end the show. Well where would we be without Alberto getting a title shot?
Results
LAX b. Cult of Lee Street Sweeper to Konley
Matt Sydal b. Taiji Ishimori Shooting star press
Allie b. Laurel Van Ness Superkick
Austin Aries b. Johnny Impact Brainbuster
Friday
Nothing.
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Fastlane 2018
Date: March 11, 2018
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves
So this is a thing that exists for reasons that I dont quite grasp. With four weeks to go before Wrestlemania, we have this stop for the final Smackdown pay per view before the big show. The main event is a Six Pack Challenge for the Smackdown World Title as there was no other way to break things up and add another match to a six match card. Lets get to it.
Kickoff Show: Tye Dillinger/Breezango vs. Mojo Rawley/Chad Gable/Shelton Benjamin
Gable throws Breeze down to start and calls him a joke. Just dont insult his shoes. Fandango comes in and puts on some amateur wrestling headgear, allowing Gable to take him down as well. Its back to Breeze so Gable drops down to give him a shot. Breeze rides him like a horse and the good guys clear the ring in short order. Gable comes back in with a hard monkey flip and we go to an early break.
Back with Shelton working on Breezes arm before its off to Gable for some shots to the face. Another armbar sets up an overhead belly to belly for two with Fandango making the save. Mojo takes over on Tyler and knocks Fandango into the barricade but a hot tag brings in Tye. Dillinger comes in and cleans house as everything breaks down. Gable rolls Tye up (in what seemed to be an incomplete Rolling Chaos Theory) for two but Breeze is right there with the Beauty Shot. Tye superkicks Rawley and hits his one kneed Codebreaker for the pin at 7:26.
The opening video looks at Wrestlemania with tonight being the last chance to get there. Especially if youre John Cena you see. Every match gets a little time here, which isnt that hard to do.
Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Rusev
Aiden English is back to sing Rusev to the ring. Rusev wristlocks him to start and actually works on an armbar for a bit. A shot to the face staggers Rusev but he avoids the big kick to the head. Instead a knee drop gives Nakamura two as the announcers discuss a potential Nakamura day.
Nakamura has to spin out of another wristlock as this is far more technical than you might have expected. A little dance sets up COME ON but Rusev rolls outside to cut off the momentum. I always wanted someone to do that to Hogan back in the day. Nakamura follows him out this time and its a knee to the back of the neck to rock Rusev. A hard drive into the barricade cuts Nakamura off though and its time to start in on the back.
Rusev gets caught in a quick heel hook but is right back up and working on the back again. Nakamura shrugs them off again and slaps on a guillotine but gets caught in a fall away slam. They trade missed kicks until Kinshasa misses. Instead its Nakamura slipping out of the Accolade, followed by the kick to the head. The Machka Kick gets two, only to have Nakamura hit Kinshasa for the pin at 14:51.
We recap the US Title match. There isnt much to this one: Bobby Roode is champion, Randy Orton has never held the title and Jinder Mahal is lurking around for whatever reason.
US Title: Randy Orton vs. Bobby Roode
Roode is defending and we get Big Match Intros. They fight over a wristlock to start (FIND SOMETHING NEW ALREADY) and Roode throws him into the corner, setting up the GLORIOUS pose. That just earns Roode an elbow to the face and we hit that RKO chant. They trade some hard shots to the face/chest until the threat of an RKO sends Roode bailing to the floor.
With Mahal watching in the back, Orton drapes Roode ribs first over the ropes for two. Roode kicks him away though and grabs a chinlock for quite a bit of spot calling. Roodes ribs wont let him hit a suplex so Orton gives him one instead. A neckbreaker is more Roodes speed and he follows up with a top rope clothesline. The Glorious DDT is reversed into a rollup for two and Roode needs a breather.
Roode scores with a Blockbuster for two but the ribs are banged up all over again. Theres the hanging DDT to keep the back and forth style going but neither can hit a finisher. They head outside with Roode being dropped back first onto the barricade (you cant say Orton doesnt have a target) and that means its time for the superplex. Roode is ready though (could be due to every Orton ever using that move) and reverses into a sunset powerbomb for a big crash.
This time its Roode going up top and getting crotched back down, meaning the superplex works on the second attempt. Roode kicks out again so its time for the slower paced punches. The Glorious DDT doesnt work so Roode goes with the spinebuster for two instead. With nothing else working, Roode goes up top .and dives right into the RKO to give Orton the pin and the title at 19:30.
Post match Jinder Mahal comes down and jumps Randy but Roode gives them both Glorious DDTs. So yeah, we really are getting that triple threat at Wrestlemania. Why? No idea really but WWE loves its triple threats and its Jinder Mahal so theres no way around it.
Heres a long recap on HHH/Stephanie McMahon vs. Kurt Angle/Ronda Rousey to fill in some time.
Kevin Owens yells at Sami Zayn for not laying down on Tuesday but Sami only meant hed do it here. Everything is fine.
Natalya/Carmella vs. Naomi/Becky Lynch
This was added to the show on Tuesday. Becky rolls Carmella up to start but cant get an early Disarm-Her. Its off to Naomi and Natalya with the former kicking Natalya down for two. Carmella comes in and sends Naomi into the corner before rubbing her face into the mat. Carmella: FEEL THE GLOW! We hit the chinlock as the announcers tease Carmella cashing in Money in the Bank tonight. With that chinlock having run its course, Natalya comes in for one of her own.
Carmella grabs Naomis ponytail and pulls it over the ropes, followed by a running knee to the head. Naomi backflips out of a belly to back suplex though and the hot tag brings in Becky (who happens to be wearing flame attire so the hot tag fits well). Everything breaks down and Natalya tries to bring in the briefcase. The distraction only kind of works though as Becky drops her with a right hand but Carmella superkicks her for the pin at 8:50.
New Day auditions to host next years Kids Choice Awards, capped off by getting slimed.
We recap the Usos vs. New Day. They had a great feud last year and capped it off with their final match but since the tag division has all of four teams, were back to it again. This time the Usos are obsessed with getting a Wrestlemania match because the Kickoff Shows dont matter.
Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. New Day
New Day, comprised of Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods this time, are challenging. An early blind tag sets up a shot to drop Woods in short order (at least it wasnt a wristlock) and New Day is in trouble. The champs do their own version of the Unicorn Stampede and Graves wont have Saxton interfering in his analysis.
Woods rolls over and brings in Kofi for a Boom Drop but Trouble in Paradise is caught in the air. A running Umaga Attack rocks Jey in the corner so its Jimmy coming in with a pop up Samoan drop. Jimmy hits his own Boom Drop as theyre certainly doing something different here. A Midnight Hour gets two on Kofi and things settle back down. Jimmy misses a corner splash and the hot tag brings in Woods.
This time its the Usos being knocked around, allowing Kofi to get two off a Superfly Splash. Jimmy saves his brother from the double Superfly Splash (that would be the next step) and its a BIG double dive onto New Day. Everyone is down .so here are the Bludgeon Brothers to attack all four for a no contest at 9:07.
Post match, destruction ensues as we set up another triple threat at Wrestlemania. The Usos are both crushed with Rowan slamming Harper onto them both and a double splash. Woods gets powerbombed onto the steps to knock him cold.
Long video on Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar. You have to get to that overrun somehow.
AJ Styles is ready to make the impossible phenomenal again but Nakamura interrupts. Theyre ready for each other at Wrestlemania.
New Day and the Usos are still being taken out of the arena.
We recap Charlotte vs. Ruby Riott. Ruby debuted a few months back with the Riott Squad and wants to prove that Charlottes greatness is just a myth. Shes defeated most of the other women and now just the champ is left. This has been a much better build than you get most of the time because it makes sense: Ruby wants the title and has won a bunch of matches to get the shot. Why is that so complicated?
Womens Title: Charlotte vs. Ruby Riott
Riott is challenging. They both try an early finisher before going to the standard wristlock. Charlotte takes over with the power but heres the Riott Squad for a distraction. A quick Riott Kick gives Ruby two and Charlotte is sent outside. Cue Becky and Naomi for backup to cut off the Squad, allowing Charlotte to score with a slingshot suplex (with Graves crediting it to Uncle Tully).
Riott drops her again though and falls off the middle rope (on purpose) onto the champ. Were off to the chinlock for a good while but another falling splash hits Charlottes knees. Charlotte loads up the moonsault but gets shoved outside. Ruby follows her so Charlotte goes with (and mostly misses) the moonsault off the barricade instead. Back in and a hurricanrana takes Charlotte down but she bails into the corner.
The Squad teases interfering so Becky and Naomi get in, meaning a quadruple ejection. Ruby gets two off a small package but gets caught in an electric chair. Instead of dropping her back though, Charlotte whips her face first into the turnbuckle. A spear into the Figure Eight retains the title at 13:38.
Post match Charlotte is celebrating when Asuka interrupts. She motions that she wants the title and points to the sign. Works for me.
Trailer for the Andre the Giant documentary.
We recap the Smackdown World Title match. AJ wants to go to Wrestlemania and a bunch of people want the title as well. Sami Zayn has volunteered to lay down for Kevin Owens, who deserves to be champion. John Cena needs a path to Wrestlemania and this is his LAST way to get there. Or something.
Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. Baron Corbin vs. AJ Styles, Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens vs. Dolph Ziggler
Styles is defending, Commissioner Shane McMahon is at ringside and its one fall to a finish. We hit the Big Match Intros and Cena gives everyone not named Styles (or in a referee shirt) an AA in about thirty seconds. Cena and Styles slug it out with AJ flipping out of an AA attempt. The Clash is countered into another failed AA so Styles gets to the apron. Everyone is back up and circles Cena, who suddenly gets the idea.
Cena is sent outside and the other five are left to brawl on their own. AJ and Owens are left inside and its Styles planting him face first to take over. Corbin comes back in and were firmly in the rapid fire replacements as AJ keeps clearing them out. Its Owens finally getting in a shot to the head and knocking Styles outside. Cena is back in but Ziggler cuts him off with a DDT.
Owens frog splashes Ziggler for two and Styles has to run in with a save. Styles strikes away at Owens and hits the Pele but its too early for the Styles Clash. Theres a chokebreaker to Owens as we hit the parade of secondary finishers. The AA is countered into a Fameasser for two on Ziggler and AJ has to break up the STF. Cena gets caught in the Styles Clash for two with Sami making a save this time around.
Corbin punches Sami out of the air to break up a springboard and the Dream Crusher (that sliding clothesline) takes Owens down. Since there are too many people in the match, Corbin and Ziggler fight into the crowd and are thrown through some hockey boards. Back at ringside, Owens loads up the announcers table but gets kicked in the head. AJ clotheslines Sami into the timekeepers area but Cena AAs AJ through another table.
Back in and Kevin sends Cena to the floor, leaving the Sami vs. Kevin showdown. Sami says hes a man of his word and takes forever to lay down. Kevin isnt sure what to do but has to kick out of the surprise rollup. The fight is on and Shane seems pleased so Sami yells at him and Kevin superkicks the boss. Sami dives through the ropes for the tornado DDT on Owens and everyone is down.
Theres the Pop Up Powerbomb to Ziggler but Shane pulls the referee out at two. A Helluva Kick gets the same on Owens with Shane making another save. Corbin is back up with some steps to Cenas head but Cena takes them away and decks Cena with them instead. An AA onto the steps gets two with Ziggler diving in for the save this time around. The superkick to Cena is no sold and theres an AA to Ziggler. Owens gives Cena the Pop Up Powerbomb but Styles comes in with the Phenomenal Forearm to pin Kevin at 20:57.
Shane shakes his head and Cena sits in the corner because thats still a thing. AJ looks at the sign to end the show.
Results
Shinsuke Nakamura b. Rusev Kinshasa
Randy Orton b. Bobby Roode RKO
Carmella/Natalya b. Naomi/Becky Lynch Superkick to Natalya
Usos vs. New Day went to a no contest when the Bludgeon Brothers interfered
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
Asuka b. Nia Jax Cross armbreaker
The Bar b. Revival Neutralizer to Dawson
John Cena b. Goldust Attitude Adjustment
Bayley b. Mandy Rose Rollup
Braun Strowman b. Elias Strowman dropped a piano on Elias
Bray Wyatt b. Rhyno Sister Abigail
Finn Balor/Seth Rollins b. Miz/Miztourage Curb Stomp to Miz
Smackdown
Jinder Mahal b. Randy Orton Khallas
Becky Lynch b. Carmella Disarm-Her
AJ Styles vs. Dolph Ziggler went to a no contest when Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn interfered
Sami Zayn b. AJ Styles, Baron Corbin, Kevin Owens and Dolph Ziggler Helluva Kick to Owens
NXT
Authors of Pain b. TM61 Last Chapter to Thorn
Bianca Belair b. Miss Drew Renee Alley Oop
Aleister Black b. Killian Dain Black Mass
Impact Wrestling
LAX b. Cult of Lee Street Sweeper to Konley
Matt Sydal b. Taiji Ishimori Shooting star press
Allie b. Laurel Van Ness Superkick
Austin Aries b. Johnny Impact Brainbuster
Fastlane 2018
Shinsuke Nakamura b. Rusev Kinshasa
Randy Orton b. Bobby Roode RKO
Carmella/Natalya b. Naomi/Becky Lynch Superkick to Natalya
Usos vs. New Day went to a no contest when the Bludgeon Brothers interfered