klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 2, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D'Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
We're in a weird spot here as this is the final taping before the promotion is completely overhauled into Jeff Jarrett's new vision. It's also the final show for a lot of talent, including the Hardys who have publicly stated they've left the company. Other than that we have Lashley defending the World Title against Josh Barnett. Let's get to it.
Knockouts Title: Jade vs. Rosemary
No intro and Madison Rayne is on commentary. Jade is challenging and this is Last Knockout Standing. They start brawling in the aisle with Jade grabbing some German suplexes inside. Madison: I think Jade knows it's going to take more than some German suplexes to keep Rosemary down. That's the kind of commentary that people mock Madison for but I'm sure Josh will say she's the best female commentator ever.
The weapons are brought in and Rosemary chokes Jade over the ropes. A short range Coast to Coast drives a garbage can into Jade's face for a seven but Jade swings away with a kendo stick. Madison keeps prattling on until Pope cuts her off as Jade powerbombs Rosemary onto the can.
Jade comes off the top and dives into the mist and a Red Wedding (F5) for another near fall. Back up and Jade is knocked to the floor and another Red Wedding outside gets nine. Rosemary gets posted and Jade washes her eyes out before powerbombing the champion onto the steps. That's still not enough to finish things off so Rosemary mists her again. A third Red Wedding on the stage retains the title at 11:09.
Moose wants Cody.
Matt Hardy has brought the family to his zoo for a day of togetherness. On top of that though, Matt wants to see how Jeff can handle his new found powers.
Moose calls Cody out for a fight and he doesn't care what club he's a part of. Cody comes in from behind as Josh rips on Moose for getting involved in Rhodes Family business. Moose fights back and powerbombs some production guys before getting into it with Cody again on the ramp. Wrestlers try to break it up and here's Brandi to yell at Cody to stop. Cody agrees but beats up Josh Matthews instead. Well I'm a fan.
James Storm vs. Jesse Godderz
Josh is back on commentary and talking about his dedication to the job to be back. Tony Schiavone and Jim Ross would be out of action for months you see. Oh....joy. Storm jumps Jesse to start and grabs a belly to belly. It's off to the Adonis Lock but here's Kingston for a distraction so James can take out the knee. Josh: I could have used someone like Kingston earlier when Cody was out here!
We hit a quickly broken leglock as Josh is now insulting Jeremy Borash. Jesse fights up with a clothesline and gets two off a Blockbuster. Now we get to hear about Josh's in-ring career (He was undefeated. Like a certain other heel commentator at Wrestlemania perhaps?) as Kingston gets inside. Jesse suplexes him and grabs another Adonis Lock to make Storm tap behind the referee's back. Cue Bram to chair Jesse, setting up the Last Call for the pin at 6:30.
X-Division Title: Trevor Lee vs. Andrew Everett
Lee is defending. Everett doesn't waste time and gets in an early Pele to send Lee outside for a big flip dive. Another big flip dive takes Lee down again and a top rope Asai Moonsault has Lee reeling. Back in and Lee does his running C4 and hammers away but the announcers are arguing about something changing next week.
Lee stomps away in the corner and gets two off a clothesline as Josh tells Pope to cut out the comedy. A springboard missile dropkick puts Lee down but Everett can't follow up. The hurricanrana driver plants Lee but Gregory Helms grabs the referee at two. Everett chases Gregory off and tries the shooting star which hits raised knees. Lee grabs a rollup with trunks for the pin to retain at 7:11.
Matt tells Jeff to feed a donkey named Vincent Van Gogh. Vincent tells him to get a shark and keep it in a salt water pool. Jeff has a pre-mo-nition that says they'll be outnumbered in an upcoming fight. Everyone grabs Vanguard I and it's time for the next trip on the Expedition of Gold.
Back from a break and the Hardys arrive at an undisclosed arena.
After a look at Lashley and Barnett warming up, the Hardys are backstage and demanding a shot at the National Tag Team Titles of the World. Senor Benjamin asks the #1 contenders (apparently named the Appalachian Outlaws, who won a sixty four team tournament) for their autographs and then electrocutes them. The Hardys offer to replace them and agree to work without being paid.
The match is made and turns into a hardcore brawl in the back with Matt being left alone. Jeff is stuck in the back getting beaten down by the Outlaws but Jeff and Benjamin bust out the fireworks. The Outlaws bail and Jeff comes back to the ring for the win and the titles, setting up a big celebration.
Drew Galloway comes up to Moose in the back and offers him a shot tonight.
Long recap of last week's wedding.
Laurel is in the back, crying and screaming, still wearing the wedding dress and holding the champagne.
Global Title: Moose vs. Drew Galloway
Galloway is defending and kicks Moose in the face to start before it quickly goes outside. Drew gets the better of it and sends Moose into the steps, setting up the Celtic Cross onto said steps for a near countout. The bell saves Moose but he still loses the first round. The second round begins after a break with Moose kicking Drew in the face and running him over as a bonus. A moonsault gets two on the champ so he bails up the ramp, only to get caught like you would expect.
Something like an AA (not a Death Valley Driver) onto the apron drops Moose again but he powerbombs Drew onto the apron as well. Again it's nearly a countout but this time Moose wins to tie the score. To continue the theme, they kick each other in the face to start the round. Moose is back up with the Game Changer for two but Galloway hits a Claymore and a Tombstone for the same. They slug it out with Moose getting the better of it and no selling another Claymore. A second Game Changer takes us to the end of the match at 15:13. Moose wins on a split decision and Josh starts complaining.
Drew throws a chair.
We get the same Barnett video from last week.
TNA World Title: Lashley vs. Josh Barnett
Lashley is defending and gets kicked in the head for his efforts. More kicks have Josh in control but Lashley takes him to the mat as we go to a break. Back with Lashley taking a jumping knee to the chest but grabbing an armbar to slow things down. The spear is countered into a cross armbreaker attempt but Lashley is in the ropes. Barnett's keylock is countered and a spear gives Lashley the pin at 9:21.
A preview of next week's show with a list of names appearing (nothing out of the ordinary) takes us out.
Results
Rosemary b. Jade Red Wedding on the stage
James Storm b. Jesse Godderz Last Call
Trevor Lee b. Andrew Everett Rollup with a handful of trunks
Moose b. Drew Galloway via split decision
Lashley b. Josh Barnett Spear
Friday
Nothing.
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Fastlane 2017
Date: March 5, 2017
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves
It's the final show before Wrestlemania XXXIII and it's fairly clear that this is just a way to fill in time before Orlando. The main event is Kevin Owens defending the Universal Title against Goldberg, which has a serious chance of being a squash. Of course it also has the chance of Chris Jericho interfering and costing his former friend the title. Let's get to it.
Pre-Show: Noam Dar/Brian Kendrick vs. Akira Tozawa/Rich Swann
Take two feuds (Kendrick vs. Tozawa/Swann vs. Dar) and throw them into one match. Tozawa starts firing off the kicks early on with Dar barely able to keep up. It's off to Swann for the stereo dives but Kendrick and Dar hide behind Alicia Fox before anything can happen to them.
Back from a break with Swann in trouble as Dar and Kendrick take turns working on the arm. Kendrick chokes in the corner with his boot before it's back to Dar for a more standard armbar. Swann finally sends Noam into the corner and it's time for the hot tag to Tozawa. Now the double dives work just fine and Kendrick eats a Shining Wizard. Swann kicks Dar down and it's a snap German suplex into the Phoenix splash to put Noam away at 9:21.
The opening video talks about how important it is to have momentum on the way to Wrestlemania while looking at the major matches. Strowman vs. Reigns doesn't warrant a major mention though.
Sami Zayn vs. Samoa Joe
This has a lot of potential. Joe debuted a few weeks back and talked about earning his spot here instead of being all happy to be here like Zayn. Feeling out process to start with Sami avoiding for a few moments until a big kick to the chest puts him down. The kneebar doesn't work just yet but Joe does get in an enziguri in the corner to really knock Sami silly. A surfboard hold makes things even worse for Zayn but he flips over onto Joe for two. Sami tries to get all fired up so Joe spinwheel kicks the leg to put him right back down.
A quick (and better than expected) Blue Thunder Bomb gets two on Joe but the offense ends there as Joe boots him in the chest again. The backsplash gets two and Sami is all shaken up. He still manages a small package, only to have to escape a MuscleBuster. Not that it matters as Joe enziguris him again but can't get a superplex. Instead Joe is sent face first into the buckle but he still Grabs Sami in the STO out of the corner. The Koquina Clutch ends Zayn at 9:13.
Bayley isn't worried about Dana Brooke having Charlotte's back tonight. If Charlotte is the champion she claims to be, she'll face Bayley one on one. Nia Jax comes up and says if Charlotte doesn't take the title, she will.
Tag Team Titles: Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Anderson and Gallows
Enzo and Cass beat Sheamus and Cesaro to earn this shot. Before the match we get some cheap pops from Enzo and Cass about the local sports teams (that will always work) and a few jabs at the champs' bald heads. Cass slugs away on Anderson to start before Amore does the big dive onto both champions. Anderson gets in a running knee to the head though and Gallows throws in a double Too Sweet to remind us of more entertaining groups gone by.
It's off to the chinlock before Amore manages to get Gallows outside. That's not enough for the hot tag though as Anderson knees him in the face. Anderson misses a charge in the corner though and it's the hot tag to Big Cass. House is quickly cleaned and the Bada Boom Shaka Lacka looks to finish, only to have Gallows make the last second save. A running knee to Enzo is enough for the pin to retain at 9:00 with Gallows shoving the boot off the ropes.
Stephanie's plane is stuck on the tarmac so Mick Foley is in charge tonight. She yells at him for telling her to relax. She's going to stay on the phone with him for the rest of the show but as luck would have it, Mick accidentally hangs up on her.
We recap Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks. Jax beat on Banks for a few months while exploiting Sasha's bad knee. This match is taking place because Banks said she would be in Bayley's corner later tonight, which wasn't cool with Stephanie.
Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks
Banks tries some dropkicks to start but a hard whip into the corner cuts her off in a hurry. A backbreaker makes things even worse and Nia runs her over again for good measure. Nia cranks on both arms before getting kicked in the head for the break. It's off to a torture rack (great visual with Sasha bent bent around like that) and Nia even does some squats for good measure.
Banks spins out into most of a guillotine before a faceplant sets up the Bank Statement. The crowd gets WAY into this for a second but Jax easily powers free. A Faarooq style spinebuster sets up a legdrop to Banks' back and it's time to gloat. Nia gloats a bit too long though and a quick rollup into a bridge gives Sasha the pin at 9:21.
Earlier tonight, Mick Foley gave Jinder Mahal and Rusev singles matches because they want to end their team.
Mahal and Rusev come out for their matches but get in a fight with Mahal actually getting the better of things.
Cesaro vs. Jinder Mahal
Mahal is in early trouble and a backbreaker gives Cesaro an early two. He seems to have hurt his back though and can't get the apron superplex. A dropkick to the back gets two on Cesaro and a running knee gets the same. The slow beating continues until Mahal's suplex is reversed to give Cesaro a breather. Cesaro hits the Uppercut Train and the Swiss 1 9 (oh give me a break) makes things even worse. Jinder breaks up the Swing but gets in a staredown with Rusev, allowing the pop up uppercut to end Mahal at 8:33.
Rusev beats Mahal up post match and here's his opponent.
Big Show vs. Rusev
You would have expected Sheamus here no? Rusev has gotten one heck of a haircut. The USA chants begin as Show chokes in the corner and then on the ropes. A headbutt makes things even worse and the Final Cut gets two on the Bulgarian. Show clotheslines him a few times as this has been completely one sided.
Rusev finally takes out the knee and it's off to a leglock as the fans keep chanting USA. A shot to Rusev's face breaks the hold (Graves: This could be devastating to his handsome status!) and he bails to the floor. Back in and the chokeslam is broken up, followed by a trio of superkicks for two. The Accolade is broken up though and a chokeslam plants Rusev for no cover. There's a second and third chokeslam followed by the KO Punch for the pin on Rusev at 9:38.
Kevin Owens doesn't think anything of Goldberg because Goldberg has won a single match in about ten years. He's not wrong you know. It doesn't matter who he faces because he'll keep the title as long as he wants.
Austin Aries package with Aries making some package jokes before and after.
Cruiserweight Title: Neville vs. Jack Gallagher
Neville is defending after Jack won a five way for the shot. Gallagher starts the mind games by doing the headstand in the corner a few times to really confuse the champ. A dropkick puts Neville on the floor but he snaps Gallagher throat first across the top rope to take over. Neville's reverse chinlock doesn't last long as Gallagher comes back with forearms to the head, followed by a suicide dive of all things. The announcers make sure to point out how rare that is for him in a rare nice job.
Back in and a superplex gets two on the champ but he comes back with something like a Stroke. Jack is sent chest first into the ropes though and a wicked snap German knocks Gallagher silly. A middle rope Phoenix splash is only good for two though and Jack gets in the headbutt.
Another headbutt puts Neville down and Gallagher falls on top for two. The running corner dropkick misses but Gallagher breaks up the superplex attempt. Another very, very hard headbutt knocks Neville down on the top but he throws Jack down in a huge crash. The Red Arrow retains the title at 12:08.
Paul Heyman doesn't care if Goldberg or Owens wins tonight because Brock Lesnar wins no matter what. If Goldberg wins, their match is now a title match. If Owens wins, Lesnar will have a plan on how to beat Goldberg.
Here's New Day with a bicycle powered ice cream cart. When they had an idea for a cereal, all they had was a t-shirt and a dream. Then they heard the voices.....Big E.: I HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD! THEY TALK TO ME....... Now they stand before you again with a new t-shirt and a dream but Big E. starts trying to sing again. Woods and Kofi think he's been sipping on something but now there's an opportunity. The fans have a chance to have their voices heard and it's all about this New Day bike. They're riding it all the way down the Road to Wrestlemania and....that's it. There's no followup to it and we're done.
We recap Braun Strowman vs. Roman Reigns. Strowman wants competition and has attacked Reigns a few times so here's the big showdown.
Braun Strowman vs. Roman Reigns
Reigns' shoes are white on the bottom and it's very distracting. Is he supposed to be a white feet babyface? Strowman shoves him into the corner to start but Reigns smiles at a shot to the mouth. A clothesline puts Strowman over the top but he pulls Reigns outside and sends him into the steps. Strowman gets in a spinebuster to start in on the ribs and a huge beal sends Reigns flying.
Roman can't get him in a fireman's carry so Strowman grabs his own Samoan drop. A splash sets up a chinlock and they head outside again with Strowman loading up the announcers' table. That goes nowhere and Strowman goes shoulder first into the post to give Reigns his first real opening. The Samoan drop gets two but Strowman pops back up with the powerbomb into a faceplant for two of his own. A missed charge sends Strowman outside though and he comes up holding his knee.
Reigns gives chase (he's got the shoes for it) and gets powerslammed through the table for his efforts. Strowman can't follow up because of the knee though and Reigns gets in a spear for two. Some Superman Punches stagger Braun again but he punches Reigns down (fans: THANK YOU STROWMAN!). Braun goes up (Cole: GET DOWN FROM THERE STROWMAN!) but misses a top rope splash, setting up a spear to give Reigns the pin at 17:13.
Foley tells Samoa Joe to stay out of the main event or face the consequences.
We recap Bayley vs. Charlotte. Bayley won the title last month and Charlotte is getting her pay per view rematch. The idea is Bayley can win on Raw but Charlotte always wins when the lights are on bright.
Women's Title: Bayley vs. Charlotte
Bayley is defending and Charlotte steps in front of Dana Brooke, much to Dana's chagrin. Charlotte takes her to the mat for an early two and Bayley gets the same off La Majistral. They head outside with Bayley grabbing a hurricanrana off the apron, followed by a high crossbody for two. Bayley gets caught in the ropes though and Charlotte drops a knee to take over. We hit the figure four necklock followed by a legdrop to give Charlotte two.
We're in a rather slow pace here but Charlotte picks it up a bit with the moonsault for two. Bayley pops right back up and gets in a belly to back suplex for a near fall of her own. It's off to the Tree of Woe with Bayley COMPLETELY missing the springboard elbow to the point where neither the fans nor the announcers reacted to it. The thing really was that bad.
They both head to the corner and I don't see this ending well. Charlotte knocks her back into the ring but Bayley is right there with a forearm to the head to set up a much better looking hurricanrana. Now it's Bayley going up for a top rope elbow and another near fall as this is already starting to get better. Charlotte kicks the knee out but can't hook the Figure Four just yet.
Bayley is sent into the barricade but here's Sasha Banks to break up the moonsault. The distraction lets Bayley get in the Bayley to Belly on the floor (it's not clear if she saw Sasha) but Charlotte gets in a small package with a handful of tights. Sasha tells the ref though and there's no count, allowing another Bayley to Belly to finish Charlotte off at 16:42.
Bayley points at the sign and Sasha cheers her on.
We recap Seth Rollins and HHH's segment on Raw.
We recap Goldberg vs. Kevin Owens. Goldberg beat Brock Lesnar at Survivor Series and now he's the #1 contender. Owens is just kind of there but he's cranked up the evil in recent weeks so there's some doubt to this one.
Universal Title: Kevin Owens vs. Goldberg
Owens is defending. Goldberg gets a nice pop but Owens gets a louder one when his music hits (though it dies very quickly). Owens bails to the floor before the bell and it's now 11:00, meaning a show with a JINDER MAHAL match added is getting an overrun. Kevin gets to the apron two more times and bails again both times. Owens finally gets in, Jericho comes out for a distraction, spear, Jackhammer, new champion in 22 seconds.
I'm not even mad really. Everyone and their mother knew Goldberg was getting the title here and defending it against Lesnar at Wrestlemania (because of course) but that makes it worse in a way. The whole GOLDBERG IS STILL UNSTOPPABLE thing was fun once but much like giving the Rock the title in 2013, it feels completely unnecessary. Tell me how Goldberg vs. Lesnar is better with the title on the line. If you can somehow make that work, this makes sense. Unfortunately, that's simply not the case and it makes for a very uninteresting Wrestlemania main event. At least there was a distraction though, which does help.
Results
Samoa Joe b. Sami Zayn Koquina Clutch
Anderson and Gallows b. Enzo Amore/Big Cass Running knee to Amore
Sasha Banks b. Nia Jax Rollup
Cesaro b. Jinder Mahal Pop up uppercut
Big Show b. Rusev KO Punch
Neville b. Jack Gallagher Red Arrow
Roman Reigns b. Braun Strowman Spear
Bayley b. Charlotte Bayley to Belly
Goldberg b. Kevin Owens Jackhammer
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
New Day b. Rusev/Jinder Mahal Rollup to Mahal
Akira Tozawa b. Noam Dar German suplex
Nia Jax/Charlotte b. Sasha Banks/Bayley Legdrop to Bayley
Big Cass b. Luke Gallows Big boot
Sheamus b. Titus O'Neil Brogue Kick
Big Show b. Shining Stars Chokeslam to Primo
Jack Gallagher/TJ Perkins b. Tony Nese/Neville Seated abdominal stretch to Nese
Samoa Joe b. Cesaro Rock Bottom
Smackdown
Becky Lynch b. Mickie James Disarm-Her
AJ Styles b. Luke Harper Springboard splash
Dolph Ziggler b. Apollo Crews Ziggler crotched Crews on a chair
NXT
Patrick Clark b. Sean Maluta Fameasser
Asuka b. Peyton Royce Asuka Lock
DIY b. Authors of Pain via DQ when Revival interfered
Impact Wrestling
Rosemary b. Jade Red Wedding on the stage
James Storm b. Jesse Godderz Last Call
Trevor Lee b. Andrew Everett Rollup with a handful of trunks
Moose b. Drew Galloway via split decision
Lashley b. Josh Barnett Spear
Fastlane 2017
Samoa Joe b. Sami Zayn Koquina Clutch
Anderson and Gallows b. Enzo Amore/Big Cass Running knee to Amore
Sasha Banks b. Nia Jax Rollup
Cesaro b. Jinder Mahal Pop up uppercut
Big Show b. Rusev KO Punch
Neville b. Jack Gallagher Red Arrow
Roman Reigns b. Braun Strowman Spear
Bayley b. Charlotte Bayley to Belly
Goldberg b. Kevin Owens Jackhammer
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 2, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D'Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
We're in a weird spot here as this is the final taping before the promotion is completely overhauled into Jeff Jarrett's new vision. It's also the final show for a lot of talent, including the Hardys who have publicly stated they've left the company. Other than that we have Lashley defending the World Title against Josh Barnett. Let's get to it.
Knockouts Title: Jade vs. Rosemary
No intro and Madison Rayne is on commentary. Jade is challenging and this is Last Knockout Standing. They start brawling in the aisle with Jade grabbing some German suplexes inside. Madison: I think Jade knows it's going to take more than some German suplexes to keep Rosemary down. That's the kind of commentary that people mock Madison for but I'm sure Josh will say she's the best female commentator ever.
The weapons are brought in and Rosemary chokes Jade over the ropes. A short range Coast to Coast drives a garbage can into Jade's face for a seven but Jade swings away with a kendo stick. Madison keeps prattling on until Pope cuts her off as Jade powerbombs Rosemary onto the can.
Jade comes off the top and dives into the mist and a Red Wedding (F5) for another near fall. Back up and Jade is knocked to the floor and another Red Wedding outside gets nine. Rosemary gets posted and Jade washes her eyes out before powerbombing the champion onto the steps. That's still not enough to finish things off so Rosemary mists her again. A third Red Wedding on the stage retains the title at 11:09.
Moose wants Cody.
Matt Hardy has brought the family to his zoo for a day of togetherness. On top of that though, Matt wants to see how Jeff can handle his new found powers.
Moose calls Cody out for a fight and he doesn't care what club he's a part of. Cody comes in from behind as Josh rips on Moose for getting involved in Rhodes Family business. Moose fights back and powerbombs some production guys before getting into it with Cody again on the ramp. Wrestlers try to break it up and here's Brandi to yell at Cody to stop. Cody agrees but beats up Josh Matthews instead. Well I'm a fan.
James Storm vs. Jesse Godderz
Josh is back on commentary and talking about his dedication to the job to be back. Tony Schiavone and Jim Ross would be out of action for months you see. Oh....joy. Storm jumps Jesse to start and grabs a belly to belly. It's off to the Adonis Lock but here's Kingston for a distraction so James can take out the knee. Josh: I could have used someone like Kingston earlier when Cody was out here!
We hit a quickly broken leglock as Josh is now insulting Jeremy Borash. Jesse fights up with a clothesline and gets two off a Blockbuster. Now we get to hear about Josh's in-ring career (He was undefeated. Like a certain other heel commentator at Wrestlemania perhaps?) as Kingston gets inside. Jesse suplexes him and grabs another Adonis Lock to make Storm tap behind the referee's back. Cue Bram to chair Jesse, setting up the Last Call for the pin at 6:30.
X-Division Title: Trevor Lee vs. Andrew Everett
Lee is defending. Everett doesn't waste time and gets in an early Pele to send Lee outside for a big flip dive. Another big flip dive takes Lee down again and a top rope Asai Moonsault has Lee reeling. Back in and Lee does his running C4 and hammers away but the announcers are arguing about something changing next week.
Lee stomps away in the corner and gets two off a clothesline as Josh tells Pope to cut out the comedy. A springboard missile dropkick puts Lee down but Everett can't follow up. The hurricanrana driver plants Lee but Gregory Helms grabs the referee at two. Everett chases Gregory off and tries the shooting star which hits raised knees. Lee grabs a rollup with trunks for the pin to retain at 7:11.
Matt tells Jeff to feed a donkey named Vincent Van Gogh. Vincent tells him to get a shark and keep it in a salt water pool. Jeff has a pre-mo-nition that says they'll be outnumbered in an upcoming fight. Everyone grabs Vanguard I and it's time for the next trip on the Expedition of Gold.
Back from a break and the Hardys arrive at an undisclosed arena.
After a look at Lashley and Barnett warming up, the Hardys are backstage and demanding a shot at the National Tag Team Titles of the World. Senor Benjamin asks the #1 contenders (apparently named the Appalachian Outlaws, who won a sixty four team tournament) for their autographs and then electrocutes them. The Hardys offer to replace them and agree to work without being paid.
The match is made and turns into a hardcore brawl in the back with Matt being left alone. Jeff is stuck in the back getting beaten down by the Outlaws but Jeff and Benjamin bust out the fireworks. The Outlaws bail and Jeff comes back to the ring for the win and the titles, setting up a big celebration.
Drew Galloway comes up to Moose in the back and offers him a shot tonight.
Long recap of last week's wedding.
Laurel is in the back, crying and screaming, still wearing the wedding dress and holding the champagne.
Global Title: Moose vs. Drew Galloway
Galloway is defending and kicks Moose in the face to start before it quickly goes outside. Drew gets the better of it and sends Moose into the steps, setting up the Celtic Cross onto said steps for a near countout. The bell saves Moose but he still loses the first round. The second round begins after a break with Moose kicking Drew in the face and running him over as a bonus. A moonsault gets two on the champ so he bails up the ramp, only to get caught like you would expect.
Something like an AA (not a Death Valley Driver) onto the apron drops Moose again but he powerbombs Drew onto the apron as well. Again it's nearly a countout but this time Moose wins to tie the score. To continue the theme, they kick each other in the face to start the round. Moose is back up with the Game Changer for two but Galloway hits a Claymore and a Tombstone for the same. They slug it out with Moose getting the better of it and no selling another Claymore. A second Game Changer takes us to the end of the match at 15:13. Moose wins on a split decision and Josh starts complaining.
Drew throws a chair.
We get the same Barnett video from last week.
TNA World Title: Lashley vs. Josh Barnett
Lashley is defending and gets kicked in the head for his efforts. More kicks have Josh in control but Lashley takes him to the mat as we go to a break. Back with Lashley taking a jumping knee to the chest but grabbing an armbar to slow things down. The spear is countered into a cross armbreaker attempt but Lashley is in the ropes. Barnett's keylock is countered and a spear gives Lashley the pin at 9:21.
A preview of next week's show with a list of names appearing (nothing out of the ordinary) takes us out.
Results
Rosemary b. Jade Red Wedding on the stage
James Storm b. Jesse Godderz Last Call
Trevor Lee b. Andrew Everett Rollup with a handful of trunks
Moose b. Drew Galloway via split decision
Lashley b. Josh Barnett Spear
Friday
Nothing.
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Fastlane 2017
Date: March 5, 2017
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves
It's the final show before Wrestlemania XXXIII and it's fairly clear that this is just a way to fill in time before Orlando. The main event is Kevin Owens defending the Universal Title against Goldberg, which has a serious chance of being a squash. Of course it also has the chance of Chris Jericho interfering and costing his former friend the title. Let's get to it.
Pre-Show: Noam Dar/Brian Kendrick vs. Akira Tozawa/Rich Swann
Take two feuds (Kendrick vs. Tozawa/Swann vs. Dar) and throw them into one match. Tozawa starts firing off the kicks early on with Dar barely able to keep up. It's off to Swann for the stereo dives but Kendrick and Dar hide behind Alicia Fox before anything can happen to them.
Back from a break with Swann in trouble as Dar and Kendrick take turns working on the arm. Kendrick chokes in the corner with his boot before it's back to Dar for a more standard armbar. Swann finally sends Noam into the corner and it's time for the hot tag to Tozawa. Now the double dives work just fine and Kendrick eats a Shining Wizard. Swann kicks Dar down and it's a snap German suplex into the Phoenix splash to put Noam away at 9:21.
The opening video talks about how important it is to have momentum on the way to Wrestlemania while looking at the major matches. Strowman vs. Reigns doesn't warrant a major mention though.
Sami Zayn vs. Samoa Joe
This has a lot of potential. Joe debuted a few weeks back and talked about earning his spot here instead of being all happy to be here like Zayn. Feeling out process to start with Sami avoiding for a few moments until a big kick to the chest puts him down. The kneebar doesn't work just yet but Joe does get in an enziguri in the corner to really knock Sami silly. A surfboard hold makes things even worse for Zayn but he flips over onto Joe for two. Sami tries to get all fired up so Joe spinwheel kicks the leg to put him right back down.
A quick (and better than expected) Blue Thunder Bomb gets two on Joe but the offense ends there as Joe boots him in the chest again. The backsplash gets two and Sami is all shaken up. He still manages a small package, only to have to escape a MuscleBuster. Not that it matters as Joe enziguris him again but can't get a superplex. Instead Joe is sent face first into the buckle but he still Grabs Sami in the STO out of the corner. The Koquina Clutch ends Zayn at 9:13.
Bayley isn't worried about Dana Brooke having Charlotte's back tonight. If Charlotte is the champion she claims to be, she'll face Bayley one on one. Nia Jax comes up and says if Charlotte doesn't take the title, she will.
Tag Team Titles: Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Anderson and Gallows
Enzo and Cass beat Sheamus and Cesaro to earn this shot. Before the match we get some cheap pops from Enzo and Cass about the local sports teams (that will always work) and a few jabs at the champs' bald heads. Cass slugs away on Anderson to start before Amore does the big dive onto both champions. Anderson gets in a running knee to the head though and Gallows throws in a double Too Sweet to remind us of more entertaining groups gone by.
It's off to the chinlock before Amore manages to get Gallows outside. That's not enough for the hot tag though as Anderson knees him in the face. Anderson misses a charge in the corner though and it's the hot tag to Big Cass. House is quickly cleaned and the Bada Boom Shaka Lacka looks to finish, only to have Gallows make the last second save. A running knee to Enzo is enough for the pin to retain at 9:00 with Gallows shoving the boot off the ropes.
Stephanie's plane is stuck on the tarmac so Mick Foley is in charge tonight. She yells at him for telling her to relax. She's going to stay on the phone with him for the rest of the show but as luck would have it, Mick accidentally hangs up on her.
We recap Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks. Jax beat on Banks for a few months while exploiting Sasha's bad knee. This match is taking place because Banks said she would be in Bayley's corner later tonight, which wasn't cool with Stephanie.
Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks
Banks tries some dropkicks to start but a hard whip into the corner cuts her off in a hurry. A backbreaker makes things even worse and Nia runs her over again for good measure. Nia cranks on both arms before getting kicked in the head for the break. It's off to a torture rack (great visual with Sasha bent bent around like that) and Nia even does some squats for good measure.
Banks spins out into most of a guillotine before a faceplant sets up the Bank Statement. The crowd gets WAY into this for a second but Jax easily powers free. A Faarooq style spinebuster sets up a legdrop to Banks' back and it's time to gloat. Nia gloats a bit too long though and a quick rollup into a bridge gives Sasha the pin at 9:21.
Earlier tonight, Mick Foley gave Jinder Mahal and Rusev singles matches because they want to end their team.
Mahal and Rusev come out for their matches but get in a fight with Mahal actually getting the better of things.
Cesaro vs. Jinder Mahal
Mahal is in early trouble and a backbreaker gives Cesaro an early two. He seems to have hurt his back though and can't get the apron superplex. A dropkick to the back gets two on Cesaro and a running knee gets the same. The slow beating continues until Mahal's suplex is reversed to give Cesaro a breather. Cesaro hits the Uppercut Train and the Swiss 1 9 (oh give me a break) makes things even worse. Jinder breaks up the Swing but gets in a staredown with Rusev, allowing the pop up uppercut to end Mahal at 8:33.
Rusev beats Mahal up post match and here's his opponent.
Big Show vs. Rusev
You would have expected Sheamus here no? Rusev has gotten one heck of a haircut. The USA chants begin as Show chokes in the corner and then on the ropes. A headbutt makes things even worse and the Final Cut gets two on the Bulgarian. Show clotheslines him a few times as this has been completely one sided.
Rusev finally takes out the knee and it's off to a leglock as the fans keep chanting USA. A shot to Rusev's face breaks the hold (Graves: This could be devastating to his handsome status!) and he bails to the floor. Back in and the chokeslam is broken up, followed by a trio of superkicks for two. The Accolade is broken up though and a chokeslam plants Rusev for no cover. There's a second and third chokeslam followed by the KO Punch for the pin on Rusev at 9:38.
Kevin Owens doesn't think anything of Goldberg because Goldberg has won a single match in about ten years. He's not wrong you know. It doesn't matter who he faces because he'll keep the title as long as he wants.
Austin Aries package with Aries making some package jokes before and after.
Cruiserweight Title: Neville vs. Jack Gallagher
Neville is defending after Jack won a five way for the shot. Gallagher starts the mind games by doing the headstand in the corner a few times to really confuse the champ. A dropkick puts Neville on the floor but he snaps Gallagher throat first across the top rope to take over. Neville's reverse chinlock doesn't last long as Gallagher comes back with forearms to the head, followed by a suicide dive of all things. The announcers make sure to point out how rare that is for him in a rare nice job.
Back in and a superplex gets two on the champ but he comes back with something like a Stroke. Jack is sent chest first into the ropes though and a wicked snap German knocks Gallagher silly. A middle rope Phoenix splash is only good for two though and Jack gets in the headbutt.
Another headbutt puts Neville down and Gallagher falls on top for two. The running corner dropkick misses but Gallagher breaks up the superplex attempt. Another very, very hard headbutt knocks Neville down on the top but he throws Jack down in a huge crash. The Red Arrow retains the title at 12:08.
Paul Heyman doesn't care if Goldberg or Owens wins tonight because Brock Lesnar wins no matter what. If Goldberg wins, their match is now a title match. If Owens wins, Lesnar will have a plan on how to beat Goldberg.
Here's New Day with a bicycle powered ice cream cart. When they had an idea for a cereal, all they had was a t-shirt and a dream. Then they heard the voices.....Big E.: I HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD! THEY TALK TO ME....... Now they stand before you again with a new t-shirt and a dream but Big E. starts trying to sing again. Woods and Kofi think he's been sipping on something but now there's an opportunity. The fans have a chance to have their voices heard and it's all about this New Day bike. They're riding it all the way down the Road to Wrestlemania and....that's it. There's no followup to it and we're done.
We recap Braun Strowman vs. Roman Reigns. Strowman wants competition and has attacked Reigns a few times so here's the big showdown.
Braun Strowman vs. Roman Reigns
Reigns' shoes are white on the bottom and it's very distracting. Is he supposed to be a white feet babyface? Strowman shoves him into the corner to start but Reigns smiles at a shot to the mouth. A clothesline puts Strowman over the top but he pulls Reigns outside and sends him into the steps. Strowman gets in a spinebuster to start in on the ribs and a huge beal sends Reigns flying.
Roman can't get him in a fireman's carry so Strowman grabs his own Samoan drop. A splash sets up a chinlock and they head outside again with Strowman loading up the announcers' table. That goes nowhere and Strowman goes shoulder first into the post to give Reigns his first real opening. The Samoan drop gets two but Strowman pops back up with the powerbomb into a faceplant for two of his own. A missed charge sends Strowman outside though and he comes up holding his knee.
Reigns gives chase (he's got the shoes for it) and gets powerslammed through the table for his efforts. Strowman can't follow up because of the knee though and Reigns gets in a spear for two. Some Superman Punches stagger Braun again but he punches Reigns down (fans: THANK YOU STROWMAN!). Braun goes up (Cole: GET DOWN FROM THERE STROWMAN!) but misses a top rope splash, setting up a spear to give Reigns the pin at 17:13.
Foley tells Samoa Joe to stay out of the main event or face the consequences.
We recap Bayley vs. Charlotte. Bayley won the title last month and Charlotte is getting her pay per view rematch. The idea is Bayley can win on Raw but Charlotte always wins when the lights are on bright.
Women's Title: Bayley vs. Charlotte
Bayley is defending and Charlotte steps in front of Dana Brooke, much to Dana's chagrin. Charlotte takes her to the mat for an early two and Bayley gets the same off La Majistral. They head outside with Bayley grabbing a hurricanrana off the apron, followed by a high crossbody for two. Bayley gets caught in the ropes though and Charlotte drops a knee to take over. We hit the figure four necklock followed by a legdrop to give Charlotte two.
We're in a rather slow pace here but Charlotte picks it up a bit with the moonsault for two. Bayley pops right back up and gets in a belly to back suplex for a near fall of her own. It's off to the Tree of Woe with Bayley COMPLETELY missing the springboard elbow to the point where neither the fans nor the announcers reacted to it. The thing really was that bad.
They both head to the corner and I don't see this ending well. Charlotte knocks her back into the ring but Bayley is right there with a forearm to the head to set up a much better looking hurricanrana. Now it's Bayley going up for a top rope elbow and another near fall as this is already starting to get better. Charlotte kicks the knee out but can't hook the Figure Four just yet.
Bayley is sent into the barricade but here's Sasha Banks to break up the moonsault. The distraction lets Bayley get in the Bayley to Belly on the floor (it's not clear if she saw Sasha) but Charlotte gets in a small package with a handful of tights. Sasha tells the ref though and there's no count, allowing another Bayley to Belly to finish Charlotte off at 16:42.
Bayley points at the sign and Sasha cheers her on.
We recap Seth Rollins and HHH's segment on Raw.
We recap Goldberg vs. Kevin Owens. Goldberg beat Brock Lesnar at Survivor Series and now he's the #1 contender. Owens is just kind of there but he's cranked up the evil in recent weeks so there's some doubt to this one.
Universal Title: Kevin Owens vs. Goldberg
Owens is defending. Goldberg gets a nice pop but Owens gets a louder one when his music hits (though it dies very quickly). Owens bails to the floor before the bell and it's now 11:00, meaning a show with a JINDER MAHAL match added is getting an overrun. Kevin gets to the apron two more times and bails again both times. Owens finally gets in, Jericho comes out for a distraction, spear, Jackhammer, new champion in 22 seconds.
I'm not even mad really. Everyone and their mother knew Goldberg was getting the title here and defending it against Lesnar at Wrestlemania (because of course) but that makes it worse in a way. The whole GOLDBERG IS STILL UNSTOPPABLE thing was fun once but much like giving the Rock the title in 2013, it feels completely unnecessary. Tell me how Goldberg vs. Lesnar is better with the title on the line. If you can somehow make that work, this makes sense. Unfortunately, that's simply not the case and it makes for a very uninteresting Wrestlemania main event. At least there was a distraction though, which does help.
Results
Samoa Joe b. Sami Zayn Koquina Clutch
Anderson and Gallows b. Enzo Amore/Big Cass Running knee to Amore
Sasha Banks b. Nia Jax Rollup
Cesaro b. Jinder Mahal Pop up uppercut
Big Show b. Rusev KO Punch
Neville b. Jack Gallagher Red Arrow
Roman Reigns b. Braun Strowman Spear
Bayley b. Charlotte Bayley to Belly
Goldberg b. Kevin Owens Jackhammer
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
New Day b. Rusev/Jinder Mahal Rollup to Mahal
Akira Tozawa b. Noam Dar German suplex
Nia Jax/Charlotte b. Sasha Banks/Bayley Legdrop to Bayley
Big Cass b. Luke Gallows Big boot
Sheamus b. Titus O'Neil Brogue Kick
Big Show b. Shining Stars Chokeslam to Primo
Jack Gallagher/TJ Perkins b. Tony Nese/Neville Seated abdominal stretch to Nese
Samoa Joe b. Cesaro Rock Bottom
Smackdown
Becky Lynch b. Mickie James Disarm-Her
AJ Styles b. Luke Harper Springboard splash
Dolph Ziggler b. Apollo Crews Ziggler crotched Crews on a chair
NXT
Patrick Clark b. Sean Maluta Fameasser
Asuka b. Peyton Royce Asuka Lock
DIY b. Authors of Pain via DQ when Revival interfered
Impact Wrestling
Rosemary b. Jade Red Wedding on the stage
James Storm b. Jesse Godderz Last Call
Trevor Lee b. Andrew Everett Rollup with a handful of trunks
Moose b. Drew Galloway via split decision
Lashley b. Josh Barnett Spear
Fastlane 2017
Samoa Joe b. Sami Zayn Koquina Clutch
Anderson and Gallows b. Enzo Amore/Big Cass Running knee to Amore
Sasha Banks b. Nia Jax Rollup
Cesaro b. Jinder Mahal Pop up uppercut
Big Show b. Rusev KO Punch
Neville b. Jack Gallagher Red Arrow
Roman Reigns b. Braun Strowman Spear
Bayley b. Charlotte Bayley to Belly
Goldberg b. Kevin Owens Jackhammer