klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: December 15, 2016
Location: Hardy Compound, Cameron, North Carolina
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash
I knew it would come. Tonight is Total Nonstop Deletion, meaning the entire show is taking place at the Hardy Compound in North Carolina. The big draw for the show is Tag Team Apocalypto with teams from throughout time and space showing up for one huge match with the Tag Team Titles on the line. There have been next to no spoilers leaked for this so I'm coming in blind. Let's get to it.
Senor Benjamin tells us that we shouldn't try this at home. In Spanish of course.
No drones were harmed in the making of this presentation.
We go to Gilbert Corsey (former OVW interviewer) who says there is seismic activity in Cameron, North Carolina.
At the scene of the Hardy volcano, Itchweeed (yes I spelled that right) runs up to the volcano with a weed whacker and shouts a lot of unintelligible words.
We go to the Dome of Deletion, a mini arena set up with a live crowd, a ring and an entrance shaped like Matt's open mouth. The Hardys come out with Matt promising fifty of his followers appearing tonight. If they don't prove their greatness tonight, the Seven Deities will remove the powers of deletion.
Cue Rockstar Spud to say he's sick of all this, including King Maxel. The infant gets a chant so Spud wants to be his first opponent because the kid hasn't had a match yet and he's more over than Spud has ever been. Spud promises to stretch Maxel and make him a loser like his father. Matt actually sanctions the match and makes it No DQ.
King Maxel vs. Rockstar Spud
Maxel drives to the ring in a mini Mercedes because of course he does. The bell rings, Benjamin tases Spud and Maxel gets the pin in 19 seconds. Cool moment, though Kevin Owens basically did the same thing in PWG a few years back.
Disco Inferno is watching from the back and asks if anyone wants to play some poker. It should be noted that Inferno was once arrested for involvement in an illegal poker game.
The news anchor and reporter talk about how the city has been locked down. Shane Helms and the Helms Dynasty roll up in a truck because they're local roughnecks and ready to fight.
The Rock N Roll Express arrived earlier today. They are PERFECT for something like this and it wouldn't have felt right if they weren't around. Matt offers them green beans or meat and invites them inside.
Corsey is taking bets on the match.
Sienna names herself #1 contender for the Knockouts Title and is willing to put that spot up against anyone or anything. Then the following happens.
Sienna vs. Vanguard I
Actually never mind as the referee won't let this happen so Vanguard I is ejected. We have a replacement though.
Sienna vs. ODB
ODB starts fast and runs Sienna over, setting up a Bronco Buster. A middle rope Thesz press gets two and Sienna is rather disgusted. The referee gets bumped so there's no count when ODB knocks a chair into her face. Vanguard I comes out to count (with the numbers appearing over his (His?) head) until the referee pulls him out. The Silencer puts ODB away at 4:15.
ODB rubs Vanguard I on her chest.
The Helms Dynasty wants to fight but Matt has a pre-mo-nition. Tonight, we will see an appalling reincarnation.
If you order ANYTHING off ShopTNA.com, you get a free download of Dixie Carter's new song. So they're literally just giving it away. That's probably the only way anyone would take it.
Itchweed vs. Chet Sterling
This is under House Hardy Rules and the announcers aren't sure what that means. The announcers talk about how the land will be destroyed if the Hardys lose Apocalypto as Itchweed puts on a sleeper....and falls asleep himself. Itchweeed is up at seven and puts Sterling through a table. The Pesticide Elbow finishes Sterling off at 3:33.
We get a flashback to Matt talking to a giraffe named George Washington and Jeff boxing a kangaroo named Smoking Joe.
TNA World Title: Lashley vs. Eddie Edwards
Lashley is challenging and shoulders the champ in the corner to start. They head outside with Lashley shoving a fan, causing the audience (who might be the 50 followers Matt was referring to earlier) to hold him back so Eddie can snap off some chops. We take a break and come back with Eddie grabbing a neckbreaker. Lashley sends him face first into the buckle with some Snake Eyes before cranking on the ribs. Fans: YOU CAN'T BEAT HIM! Except for the time he did of course.
Eddie saves himself from a superplex and scores with a missile dropkick. The Shining Wizard gets two but Lashley gets in the Dominator for the same. Back to the floor with a powerbomb sending Eddie into the crowd. Looked cool but not much pain involved. Lashley picks things up a bit and spears Eddie through the wall as we take a second break.
Back again with the warnings that opened the show. Edwards and Lashley have fought into the woods and the match keeps going....but we don't have cameras. I guess we'll come back to that later.
Tag Team Titles: Tag Team Apocalypto
The Hardys are defending and this is under elimination rules with eliminations coming via pinfall or submission. The match starts in the arena so we get to see who is in at the start. Here's the lineup:
Hardys, Helms Dynasty, Rock N Roll Express, Decay
That's it for now as smoke fills the arena and everyone has to evacuate the building. We see Lashley and Edwards still fighting before cutting back to the teams. Everything goes insane and the teams are outside with firework guns. Abyss: NO! NOT AGAIN! The fireworks going into the air and Helms tells his boys to get out. Matt appears in the back of their truck and attacks Lee so Jeff tells the referee to get on the back of his motorcycle to chase after them.
A bunch of teams are at the entrance to the Compound and Decay lets them in because this is going to be beautiful. Matt throws Everett into the Cameron City Limits sign for two (yes there are counts in this) with Helms making the save. It's a huge fight as some of the teams get in, though none of them are introduced. Crazzy Steve snaps one of their necks for a pin on someone never identified.
Another team is allowed in as Spud is shown waiting on his partner. The Bravado Brothers (Harlem and Lance) show up as the Dynasty and Hardys fight in front of an antique store. Where did the Express go? Back at the entrance, a team called the Ugly Ducklings (maybe) enter and are eliminated in just a few seconds via Abyss' chokeslam.
The Hardys and Dynasty keep fighting as Abyss beats up a team called Showtime. The Bravado Brothers sneak in as Showtime is quickly dispatched by way or a rock to the head. I'm almost certain we're not supposed to know who any of those teams were though it's not like we got a good shot at almost any of their faces. Spud's partner finally arrives and we take a break.
Back with Spud's partner being revealed as......Hornswoggle. Decay lets them pass so we cut back to the brawl taking place by the Lake of Reincarnation. A jumping knee to Jeff's face gets two as Matt makes the save by moving the boat with his mind. The Dynasty starts stomping on the boat until Jeff makes the save with a double noggin knocker.
Matt shoves Helms into the Lake and it's time for a 3 Count reunion, by which I mean Shane being part of 3 Count and yelling that Everett and Lee are no Evan Karagias and Shannon Moore. They superkick Helms into the Lake as the Bravados show up to roll them up for two each. The Express are in another ring (four sided this time) nearby and call the Hardys in for a fight.
This goes as well as it's going to go in 2016 but now we cut back to Edwards and Lashley because that's still going. Wait now it's back to the Dynasty vs. the Bravados with the referee coming out of a portable toilet to do his job. Everett hits a standing moonsault onto I believe Lance, leaving Harlem to be sent into a wall. They head inside the arena to keep brawling as we cut back to the other ring. Ricky and Jeff are in the kind of machines used to get people to the top of telephone poles and it's time for another break.
Back with the cranes coming together so Ricky can work on the arm. The volcano is going off in the background as Robert works on a spinning toehold. Matt grabs one of the crane's controls to send Morton flying through the air. We go back to the other arena where Everett is covered for two. We're back to the cranes though with Jeff Swantoning out and missing Robert, only to have Matt hit a Twist of Fate to get rid of the Express.
So I believe we're down to Decay, Spud/Hornswoggle, the Bravados and the Dynasty, assuming no one else arrives. Back in the other arena, Spud and Hornswoggle go after the two downed teams with Hornswoggle swinging a chair. Spud eliminates the Bravados but gets powerbombed by Hornswoggle, setting up the Tadpole Splash. Everett pins Spud to get rid of another team.
Back to Lashley choking Edwards with a cord of some kind as Morton is still stuck on the crane, demanding to be let down. Road Warrior Animal of all people is here, asking how Morton got stuck up there. Decay finds James Storm in a mask but multiple other DCC members show up. One of them takes off his mask and Storm has no idea who it is. Whoever it is gets knocked out with Abyss getting the pin, which eliminates the entire DCC. Storm gets in a superkick for good measure. Steve wants to go add to this pile of bones and we take another break.
We come back again with the Hardys and Decay fighting near the volcano and Lashley and Edwards fighting nearby. The volcano erupts violently and we've got the Hurricane rising from the Lake. That means it's time for breaking news with Corsey saying Cameron's fate is in the Hardys' hands.
Back to the outside ring with Decay and the Dynasty each picking a Hardy to beat on. Matt is taken to a graveyard of Hardy logos as Jeff fights back on Decay. Janice is brought in and Jeff's comeback is cut off by a low blow. Vanguard I comes in and that means another fireworks war. Abyss takes one to the eye and Vanguard celebrates.
To the other teams as Hurricane saves Matt from a shovel to the head. Apparently the Dynasty is broken and a double pin (Can Hurricane do that?) gets rid of Everett and Lee. Matt and Hurricane bury them, which Matt says would make even the man with three H's proud. Lashley throws Eddie onto the house's porch and then no sells a Hornswoggle spear.
Abyss is back up but a huge Hardy symbol catches on fire around him. A lot of brawling ends with Abyss taking Matt back into the ring. Matt gets Janice though and a shot to the ribs (with some quick edits) means Matt can make his weird noises. Steve and Jeff fight near the volcano with a Twisting Stunner sending Steve into the mouth. A big explosion sends Steve's charred body flying into the ring so Matt can get the pin to retain at 44:10.
Reby reveals that she's pregnant to end the show, meaning the World Title match ends without a finish at 1:11:17.
Results
King Maxel b. Rockstar Spud Spud was shocked with a taser
Sienna b. ODB Silencer
Itchweeed b. Chet Sterling Pesticide Elbow
Eddie Edwards vs. Lashley went to a no contest
The Hardys won Tag Team Apocalypto last eliminating Decay
Friday
Nothing.
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Roadblock: End of the Line
Date: December 18, 2016
Location: PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves
We'll wrap up the pay per view calendar with this show, our third pay per view in about a month. This isn't the hottest card in the world with a fairly lame main event of United States Champion Roman Reigns challenging Kevin Owens for the Universal Title. There's also an Iron Man match as Sasha Banks defends the Women's Title against Charlotte. Let's get to it.
Pre-Show: Rusev vs. Big Cass
This is over Big Cass defending Enzo Amore, who tried to sleep with Rusev's life. Before the match, Enzo says something about Lana owing him money and Rusev playing Jumanji in the hotel room. Enzo puts on a red nose and Cass lists off the eight reindeer. Cass kicks Rusev in the face and we take a break less than thirty seconds in.
Back with Cass hammering away and dropping the Empire Elbow for no cover. They head outside Rusev taking him out into the crowd, leaving Enzo to go after Lana. Rusev defends his wife while Cass checks on Enzo, leaving Rusev to beat the count at 4:33. Not enough for a rating but this was rematch bait.
The opening video has a police chase theme with the idea being that everything ends at the end of the line.
Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Cesaro/Sheamus
New Day is defending. Big E. is confused about what the show is called because he thinks it's a rather different, very un-PG kind of blocking. I'll let you figure out what the joke there is. Woods suggests that the challengers should be called Swing Low Irish Chariot. Cesaro dropkicks Kofi at the bell for two and it's already time for the uppercut train. It's too early for the Swing so Sheamus clotheslines Kofi instead.
The slingshot shoulder gets two on Kingston and Swiss Death is good for the same. This has been completely one sided so far. Kofi breaks up the ten forearms and brings in Big E. for the spear off the apron. The Warrior Splash gets two on Sheamus and everything breaks down. Sheamus kicks Cesaro by mistake and Woods kicks Cesaro by design, setting up the Big Ending for a very close two.
The Midnight Hour is broken up and Big E. gets the Brogue Kick. Cesaro Swings Kofi into the Sharpshooter for the submission....but Woods has the referee. Cesaro lifts Kofi up into a suplex and rolls into the Neutralizer for two with Big E. making the save this time. That was some scary power, as is always the case with Cesaro.
Woods sacrifices himself to take the Brogue Kick and the SOS gets two on Sheamus. Cesaro comes in without a tag (though Sheamus was right next to him), meaning Kofi kicks Cesaro for no count. Instead Sheamus sneaks in and rolls Kofi up for the pin and the titles at 10:00.
New Day gets the big show of respect and we get the battle for the spotlight from the new champs.
Kevin Owens doesn't care about New Day because that will never happen to him. After insulting the interviewer, Owens flags down Chris Jericho and gives him a present. Jericho isn't impressed with his holiday scarf.
Sami Zayn vs. Braun Strowman
Ten minute time limit as Raw GM Mick Foley is scared for Sami's health. The ring announcer says Sami must last ten minutes though, which makes things a bit unclear. So can Sami not even go for wins? Sami dodges for the first thirty seconds and Braun no sells a chop. Braun gets his hands on Sami for a big toss and kicks him in the ribs for good measure.
We're down to eight minutes as Sami knocks Braun over the top, only to have Strowman come back in and hammer away with ease. The referee starts to check on Sami with about six minutes to go but Zayn wants to keep going. Braun lets Sami stumble around as we get down to five minutes. Some very hard clotheslines take us to four minutes and here's Foley with a white towel.
Sami is thrown down at Mick's feet and Braun goes outside to talk trash. Zayn grabs the towel and throws it into the crowd with two minutes left. Strowman promises to finish this himself but misses a charge into the post. Another missed charge sends Braun through the barricade but Strowman beats the count with 47 seconds left. A third missed charge hits the post and Sami gets two off a high crossbody. Sami is knocked to the floor but comes back in for the Helluva Kick as time ends at 10:00 (really 10:12).
Package on the UK tournament.
We recap Chris Jericho vs. Seth Rollins. Jericho lost to Rollins several times but then started costing Rollins matches against Owens. This earned Jericho a Pedigree on top of a car and that means a match.
Seth Rollins vs. Chris Jericho
Jericho headlocks him to start and does the Gift of Jericho pose. Chris stops him with a raised boot and the missile dropkick gets two. A rake of the eyes slows Rollins down (he even makes like he can't see for a bit, which you almost never see anymore) but he's easily able to catapult Jericho into the buckle.
Jericho gets in a clothesline and we hit the ASK HIM chinlock. Back up and Rollins fires off some right hands followed by the Slingblade. A Blockbuster gets two and Jericho gets shoved out to the floor. Rollins' springboard knee is countered into the Walls which last about as long as you would expect them to. Now the Lionsault is good for two and Seth's Falcon's Arrow gets the same.
Rollins tries the Pedigree but Jericho powers out and gets in a hurricanrana, which transitions into the Walls. Seth counters that with a small package for two, followed by the frog splash. Cue Owens for a distraction, just as Jericho grabs a small package. The Pedigree is countered again but Jericho stops to yell at Owens, allowing Seth to get in the jumping knee. Rollins gets the Pedigree for the pin at 17:12.
Pre-show recap. Cass vs. Rusev II is set for tomorrow night.
Cruiserweight Title: Brian Kendrick vs. TJ Perkins vs. Rich Swann
Swann is defending and Austin Aries is sitting in on commentary. One heck of a forearm puts Kendrick on the floor, leaving Perkins to take the champ down. Swann hurricanranas both guys down at the same time (Aries: I've done it before.) but gets caught in the Captain's Hook.
Perkins makes the save with the kneebar but Swann makes a save of his own. Cole: Who is the favorite now? Aries: I would be if I was in there. Kendrick gets tossed and Perkins slaps on another kneebar, sending Swann to the ropes. That's not a break in a triple threat but Perkins lets go anyway. Back up and Swann kicks Perkins in the head to retain at 5:59.
Post match Neville makes his return to celebrate with Swann before turning heel (!) and destroying all three. Fans: THANK YOU NEVILLE! I can totally go for this, though the idea that Neville weighs under 205lbs is downright laughable.
Owens goes to Jericho's locker room but Chris won't let him in. Kevin tells him to put his name on the list but Jericho still doesn't open the door. That hurts Owens' feelings and he walks away.
Recap of Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte. They've traded the title for months and this is the final match.
Women's Title: Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks
Banks is defending and this is a thirty minute iron man match, though JoJo says the winner is the woman with the most pinfalls. I'm going to assume that's an error because nothing like that was ever mentioned before. Feeling out process to start and they hit the mat for the first two minutes. Banks headlocks her down and things stay slow to start. Some chops have Charlotte in more trouble but it's too early for the Banks Statement.
Another attempt fails just as much so Banks opts for a dropkick instead. Banks: Your daddy loves me more! Sasha wraps her up in something like a rear naked choke but Charlotte drops her back onto the mat for two. Charlotte heads outside and takes the double knees as we hit eight minutes in. A cross arm choke has Charlotte in more trouble but she doesn't tap out as we get to ten minutes.
Sasha throws her outside for a suicide crossbody, only to be tripped face first into the steps in a bad looking crash. We're twelve minutes in now as the referee slows things down a bit to check on Sasha. Three straight knees get two on the champ but another one misses to give Sasha a breather. Charlotte does the figure four headscissors and we're at the halfway mark.
Something like a neckbreaker onto the knee gets two on Sasha and Charlotte seems to be getting frustrated. Natural Selection connects for two but Banks can't get the Bank Statement. Instead Charlotte is put on top, only to come back with a super Natural Selection for the first fall with 10:45 to go.
Charlotte talks a lot of trash but can't get another fall as we hit nine minutes left. Banks goes to the air and spins into a rollup for the tie with 8:43 to go. That means Charlotte needs to get aggressive, only to have Sasha grab the Bank Statement for the tap out with six minutes left. Charlotte gets smart by draping the knee over the middle rope and crashing down onto it as the clock keeps ticking.
Some cannonballs down onto the knee set up a leglock as we've got three minutes left. A not great Figure Four goes on with two minutes left and Sasha is in big trouble. The hold is turned over a few times until Sasha gets caught in the middle of the ring. We're down to thirty seconds left and Banks screams a lot. Charlotte FINALLY turns it into the Figure Eight and Banks taps with two seconds left, meaning it's a draw at 30:00.
This is the END OF THE LINE though so let's do sudden death. Charlotte gets in a shot at the bad leg before the bell rings and a small package gets two for the champ seconds into the extra period. The Bank Statement goes on but Charlotte grabs the bad leg to break the hold. It's turned into a Figure Four and Sasha (with a bloody mouth) taps to the Figure Eight at 2:58 of overtime.
We recap Owens vs. Reigns. Roman beat him a few weeks ago to earn another shot here tonight but the big story is about the drama between Jericho and Owens.
Universal Title: Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns
Owens is defending and I'll only refer to him as champion for the sake of simplicity. Kevin quickly bails to the floor but gets punched in the mouth for his efforts. Something like a spinebuster gets two for Reigns but the threat of a jumping clothesline sends Owens outside. The champ takes over on the floor and hits the backsplash off the steps, followed by the chinlock back inside.
Owens wants to know why Reigns didn't put his title on the line but suspects it's a lack of testicular fortitude. A standing flip legdrop of all things gets two on Roman and it's back to the chinlock. Reigns finally powers out and drives Owens into the corner, only to have the champ throw him down with a German suplex. The Superman Punch is countered into a DDT for two more.
Reigns no sells the Cannonball and hits the Superman Punch for two of his own and both guys are down. Owens goes up top and gets Superman Punched again but still manages to grab the swinging superplex. A Swanton Bomb hits Roman's raised knees and it's spear time. It might be the big scream before the spear but somehow Owens knows to bail to the floor. Reigns gets suckered in and a splash off the apron onto the announcers' table doesn't break the table.
The second attempt works though and Reigns' ribs are hurt again. Reigns dives in at nine so Owens bolts to the top for another frog splash and the accompanying near fall. Roman's sitout powerbomb and Owens' Pop Up Powerbomb get two each and the champ doesn't know what to do. He goes outside for the title belt, earning himself a spear as he comes back inside. Cue Jericho, who looks back and forth at both guy. A Codebreaker to Owens draws the DQ at 23:33.
Jericho raises Owens' hand because IT WAS A SWERVE to end the show. Uh, couldn't he just tap Reigns and get the same result? Rollins comes out and helps with the beatdown, including a DoubleBomb to put Jericho through the table. Owens goes through the announcers' table to end the show to almost no reaction.
Results
Cesaro/Sheamus b. New Day Small package to Kingston
Sami Zayn b. Braun Strowman by surviving the time limit
Seth Rollins b. Chris Jericho Pedigree
Rich Swann b. TJ Perkins and Brian Kendrick Spinning kick to the head
Charlotte b. Sasha Banks three falls to two
Kevin Owens b. Roman Reigns via DQ when Chris Jericho interfered
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
New Day b. Cesaro/Sheamus and Anderson and Gallows Trouble in Paradise to Sheamus
Braun Strowman b. Curtis Axel Wheelbarrow slam
Ariya Daivari b. Lince Dorado via DQ when Jack Gallagher interfered
Brian Kendrick b. TJ Perkins Sliced Bread #2
Bayley b. Alicia Fox Bayley to Belly
Sami Zayn b. Jinder Mahal Helluva Kick
New Day b. Roman Reigns/Seth Rollins and Chris Jericho/Kevin Owens Pedigree to Jericho
Smackdown
Carmella b. Natalya Small package
Zack Ryder won a battle royal last eliminating Konor
Becky Lynch b. Alexa Bliss via countout
Dolph Ziggler b. Luke Harper, Dean Ambrose and the Miz Superkick to Ambrose
NXT
Shinsuke Nakamura b. Samoa Joe Kinshasa
Tye Dillinger b. Eric Young via DQ when Nikki Cross interfered
Andrade Cien Almas b. No Way Jose Arm trap DDT
Roderick Strong b. Elias Samson Sick Kick
Bobby Roode b. Oney Lorcan Inverted DDT
Tribute to the Troops 2016
Cesaro/Sheamus b. Shining Stars, Anderson and Gallows and Golden Truth Brogue Kick to Epico
Apollo Crews b. Miz Rollup
Wyatt Family b. Dolph Ziggler/American Alpha RKO to Gable
Bayley b. Dana Brooke Bayley to Belly
Jack Gallagher/Rich Swann/TJ Perkins b. Drew Gulak/Tony Nese/Brian Kendrick Spinning kick to Gulak's head
Roman Reigns/Big Cass b. Kevin Owens/Rusev Spear to Rusev
Impact Wrestling
King Maxel b. Rockstar Spud Spud was shocked with a taser
Sienna b. ODB Silencer
Itchweeed b. Chet Sterling Pesticide Elbow
Eddie Edwards vs. Lashley went to a no contest
The Hardys won Tag Team Apocalypto last eliminating Decay
Roadblock: End of the Line
Cesaro/Sheamus b. New Day Small package to Kingston
Sami Zayn b. Braun Strowman by surviving the time limit
Seth Rollins b. Chris Jericho Pedigree
Rich Swann b. TJ Perkins and Brian Kendrick Spinning kick to the head
Charlotte b. Sasha Banks three falls to two
Kevin Owens b. Roman Reigns via DQ when Chris Jericho interfered
Impact Wrestling
Date: December 15, 2016
Location: Hardy Compound, Cameron, North Carolina
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash
I knew it would come. Tonight is Total Nonstop Deletion, meaning the entire show is taking place at the Hardy Compound in North Carolina. The big draw for the show is Tag Team Apocalypto with teams from throughout time and space showing up for one huge match with the Tag Team Titles on the line. There have been next to no spoilers leaked for this so I'm coming in blind. Let's get to it.
Senor Benjamin tells us that we shouldn't try this at home. In Spanish of course.
No drones were harmed in the making of this presentation.
We go to Gilbert Corsey (former OVW interviewer) who says there is seismic activity in Cameron, North Carolina.
At the scene of the Hardy volcano, Itchweeed (yes I spelled that right) runs up to the volcano with a weed whacker and shouts a lot of unintelligible words.
We go to the Dome of Deletion, a mini arena set up with a live crowd, a ring and an entrance shaped like Matt's open mouth. The Hardys come out with Matt promising fifty of his followers appearing tonight. If they don't prove their greatness tonight, the Seven Deities will remove the powers of deletion.
Cue Rockstar Spud to say he's sick of all this, including King Maxel. The infant gets a chant so Spud wants to be his first opponent because the kid hasn't had a match yet and he's more over than Spud has ever been. Spud promises to stretch Maxel and make him a loser like his father. Matt actually sanctions the match and makes it No DQ.
King Maxel vs. Rockstar Spud
Maxel drives to the ring in a mini Mercedes because of course he does. The bell rings, Benjamin tases Spud and Maxel gets the pin in 19 seconds. Cool moment, though Kevin Owens basically did the same thing in PWG a few years back.
Disco Inferno is watching from the back and asks if anyone wants to play some poker. It should be noted that Inferno was once arrested for involvement in an illegal poker game.
The news anchor and reporter talk about how the city has been locked down. Shane Helms and the Helms Dynasty roll up in a truck because they're local roughnecks and ready to fight.
The Rock N Roll Express arrived earlier today. They are PERFECT for something like this and it wouldn't have felt right if they weren't around. Matt offers them green beans or meat and invites them inside.
Corsey is taking bets on the match.
Sienna names herself #1 contender for the Knockouts Title and is willing to put that spot up against anyone or anything. Then the following happens.
Sienna vs. Vanguard I
Actually never mind as the referee won't let this happen so Vanguard I is ejected. We have a replacement though.
Sienna vs. ODB
ODB starts fast and runs Sienna over, setting up a Bronco Buster. A middle rope Thesz press gets two and Sienna is rather disgusted. The referee gets bumped so there's no count when ODB knocks a chair into her face. Vanguard I comes out to count (with the numbers appearing over his (His?) head) until the referee pulls him out. The Silencer puts ODB away at 4:15.
ODB rubs Vanguard I on her chest.
The Helms Dynasty wants to fight but Matt has a pre-mo-nition. Tonight, we will see an appalling reincarnation.
If you order ANYTHING off ShopTNA.com, you get a free download of Dixie Carter's new song. So they're literally just giving it away. That's probably the only way anyone would take it.
Itchweed vs. Chet Sterling
This is under House Hardy Rules and the announcers aren't sure what that means. The announcers talk about how the land will be destroyed if the Hardys lose Apocalypto as Itchweed puts on a sleeper....and falls asleep himself. Itchweeed is up at seven and puts Sterling through a table. The Pesticide Elbow finishes Sterling off at 3:33.
We get a flashback to Matt talking to a giraffe named George Washington and Jeff boxing a kangaroo named Smoking Joe.
TNA World Title: Lashley vs. Eddie Edwards
Lashley is challenging and shoulders the champ in the corner to start. They head outside with Lashley shoving a fan, causing the audience (who might be the 50 followers Matt was referring to earlier) to hold him back so Eddie can snap off some chops. We take a break and come back with Eddie grabbing a neckbreaker. Lashley sends him face first into the buckle with some Snake Eyes before cranking on the ribs. Fans: YOU CAN'T BEAT HIM! Except for the time he did of course.
Eddie saves himself from a superplex and scores with a missile dropkick. The Shining Wizard gets two but Lashley gets in the Dominator for the same. Back to the floor with a powerbomb sending Eddie into the crowd. Looked cool but not much pain involved. Lashley picks things up a bit and spears Eddie through the wall as we take a second break.
Back again with the warnings that opened the show. Edwards and Lashley have fought into the woods and the match keeps going....but we don't have cameras. I guess we'll come back to that later.
Tag Team Titles: Tag Team Apocalypto
The Hardys are defending and this is under elimination rules with eliminations coming via pinfall or submission. The match starts in the arena so we get to see who is in at the start. Here's the lineup:
Hardys, Helms Dynasty, Rock N Roll Express, Decay
That's it for now as smoke fills the arena and everyone has to evacuate the building. We see Lashley and Edwards still fighting before cutting back to the teams. Everything goes insane and the teams are outside with firework guns. Abyss: NO! NOT AGAIN! The fireworks going into the air and Helms tells his boys to get out. Matt appears in the back of their truck and attacks Lee so Jeff tells the referee to get on the back of his motorcycle to chase after them.
A bunch of teams are at the entrance to the Compound and Decay lets them in because this is going to be beautiful. Matt throws Everett into the Cameron City Limits sign for two (yes there are counts in this) with Helms making the save. It's a huge fight as some of the teams get in, though none of them are introduced. Crazzy Steve snaps one of their necks for a pin on someone never identified.
Another team is allowed in as Spud is shown waiting on his partner. The Bravado Brothers (Harlem and Lance) show up as the Dynasty and Hardys fight in front of an antique store. Where did the Express go? Back at the entrance, a team called the Ugly Ducklings (maybe) enter and are eliminated in just a few seconds via Abyss' chokeslam.
The Hardys and Dynasty keep fighting as Abyss beats up a team called Showtime. The Bravado Brothers sneak in as Showtime is quickly dispatched by way or a rock to the head. I'm almost certain we're not supposed to know who any of those teams were though it's not like we got a good shot at almost any of their faces. Spud's partner finally arrives and we take a break.
Back with Spud's partner being revealed as......Hornswoggle. Decay lets them pass so we cut back to the brawl taking place by the Lake of Reincarnation. A jumping knee to Jeff's face gets two as Matt makes the save by moving the boat with his mind. The Dynasty starts stomping on the boat until Jeff makes the save with a double noggin knocker.
Matt shoves Helms into the Lake and it's time for a 3 Count reunion, by which I mean Shane being part of 3 Count and yelling that Everett and Lee are no Evan Karagias and Shannon Moore. They superkick Helms into the Lake as the Bravados show up to roll them up for two each. The Express are in another ring (four sided this time) nearby and call the Hardys in for a fight.
This goes as well as it's going to go in 2016 but now we cut back to Edwards and Lashley because that's still going. Wait now it's back to the Dynasty vs. the Bravados with the referee coming out of a portable toilet to do his job. Everett hits a standing moonsault onto I believe Lance, leaving Harlem to be sent into a wall. They head inside the arena to keep brawling as we cut back to the other ring. Ricky and Jeff are in the kind of machines used to get people to the top of telephone poles and it's time for another break.
Back with the cranes coming together so Ricky can work on the arm. The volcano is going off in the background as Robert works on a spinning toehold. Matt grabs one of the crane's controls to send Morton flying through the air. We go back to the other arena where Everett is covered for two. We're back to the cranes though with Jeff Swantoning out and missing Robert, only to have Matt hit a Twist of Fate to get rid of the Express.
So I believe we're down to Decay, Spud/Hornswoggle, the Bravados and the Dynasty, assuming no one else arrives. Back in the other arena, Spud and Hornswoggle go after the two downed teams with Hornswoggle swinging a chair. Spud eliminates the Bravados but gets powerbombed by Hornswoggle, setting up the Tadpole Splash. Everett pins Spud to get rid of another team.
Back to Lashley choking Edwards with a cord of some kind as Morton is still stuck on the crane, demanding to be let down. Road Warrior Animal of all people is here, asking how Morton got stuck up there. Decay finds James Storm in a mask but multiple other DCC members show up. One of them takes off his mask and Storm has no idea who it is. Whoever it is gets knocked out with Abyss getting the pin, which eliminates the entire DCC. Storm gets in a superkick for good measure. Steve wants to go add to this pile of bones and we take another break.
We come back again with the Hardys and Decay fighting near the volcano and Lashley and Edwards fighting nearby. The volcano erupts violently and we've got the Hurricane rising from the Lake. That means it's time for breaking news with Corsey saying Cameron's fate is in the Hardys' hands.
Back to the outside ring with Decay and the Dynasty each picking a Hardy to beat on. Matt is taken to a graveyard of Hardy logos as Jeff fights back on Decay. Janice is brought in and Jeff's comeback is cut off by a low blow. Vanguard I comes in and that means another fireworks war. Abyss takes one to the eye and Vanguard celebrates.
To the other teams as Hurricane saves Matt from a shovel to the head. Apparently the Dynasty is broken and a double pin (Can Hurricane do that?) gets rid of Everett and Lee. Matt and Hurricane bury them, which Matt says would make even the man with three H's proud. Lashley throws Eddie onto the house's porch and then no sells a Hornswoggle spear.
Abyss is back up but a huge Hardy symbol catches on fire around him. A lot of brawling ends with Abyss taking Matt back into the ring. Matt gets Janice though and a shot to the ribs (with some quick edits) means Matt can make his weird noises. Steve and Jeff fight near the volcano with a Twisting Stunner sending Steve into the mouth. A big explosion sends Steve's charred body flying into the ring so Matt can get the pin to retain at 44:10.
Reby reveals that she's pregnant to end the show, meaning the World Title match ends without a finish at 1:11:17.
Results
King Maxel b. Rockstar Spud Spud was shocked with a taser
Sienna b. ODB Silencer
Itchweeed b. Chet Sterling Pesticide Elbow
Eddie Edwards vs. Lashley went to a no contest
The Hardys won Tag Team Apocalypto last eliminating Decay
Friday
Nothing.
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Roadblock: End of the Line
Date: December 18, 2016
Location: PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves
We'll wrap up the pay per view calendar with this show, our third pay per view in about a month. This isn't the hottest card in the world with a fairly lame main event of United States Champion Roman Reigns challenging Kevin Owens for the Universal Title. There's also an Iron Man match as Sasha Banks defends the Women's Title against Charlotte. Let's get to it.
Pre-Show: Rusev vs. Big Cass
This is over Big Cass defending Enzo Amore, who tried to sleep with Rusev's life. Before the match, Enzo says something about Lana owing him money and Rusev playing Jumanji in the hotel room. Enzo puts on a red nose and Cass lists off the eight reindeer. Cass kicks Rusev in the face and we take a break less than thirty seconds in.
Back with Cass hammering away and dropping the Empire Elbow for no cover. They head outside Rusev taking him out into the crowd, leaving Enzo to go after Lana. Rusev defends his wife while Cass checks on Enzo, leaving Rusev to beat the count at 4:33. Not enough for a rating but this was rematch bait.
The opening video has a police chase theme with the idea being that everything ends at the end of the line.
Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Cesaro/Sheamus
New Day is defending. Big E. is confused about what the show is called because he thinks it's a rather different, very un-PG kind of blocking. I'll let you figure out what the joke there is. Woods suggests that the challengers should be called Swing Low Irish Chariot. Cesaro dropkicks Kofi at the bell for two and it's already time for the uppercut train. It's too early for the Swing so Sheamus clotheslines Kofi instead.
The slingshot shoulder gets two on Kingston and Swiss Death is good for the same. This has been completely one sided so far. Kofi breaks up the ten forearms and brings in Big E. for the spear off the apron. The Warrior Splash gets two on Sheamus and everything breaks down. Sheamus kicks Cesaro by mistake and Woods kicks Cesaro by design, setting up the Big Ending for a very close two.
The Midnight Hour is broken up and Big E. gets the Brogue Kick. Cesaro Swings Kofi into the Sharpshooter for the submission....but Woods has the referee. Cesaro lifts Kofi up into a suplex and rolls into the Neutralizer for two with Big E. making the save this time. That was some scary power, as is always the case with Cesaro.
Woods sacrifices himself to take the Brogue Kick and the SOS gets two on Sheamus. Cesaro comes in without a tag (though Sheamus was right next to him), meaning Kofi kicks Cesaro for no count. Instead Sheamus sneaks in and rolls Kofi up for the pin and the titles at 10:00.
New Day gets the big show of respect and we get the battle for the spotlight from the new champs.
Kevin Owens doesn't care about New Day because that will never happen to him. After insulting the interviewer, Owens flags down Chris Jericho and gives him a present. Jericho isn't impressed with his holiday scarf.
Sami Zayn vs. Braun Strowman
Ten minute time limit as Raw GM Mick Foley is scared for Sami's health. The ring announcer says Sami must last ten minutes though, which makes things a bit unclear. So can Sami not even go for wins? Sami dodges for the first thirty seconds and Braun no sells a chop. Braun gets his hands on Sami for a big toss and kicks him in the ribs for good measure.
We're down to eight minutes as Sami knocks Braun over the top, only to have Strowman come back in and hammer away with ease. The referee starts to check on Sami with about six minutes to go but Zayn wants to keep going. Braun lets Sami stumble around as we get down to five minutes. Some very hard clotheslines take us to four minutes and here's Foley with a white towel.
Sami is thrown down at Mick's feet and Braun goes outside to talk trash. Zayn grabs the towel and throws it into the crowd with two minutes left. Strowman promises to finish this himself but misses a charge into the post. Another missed charge sends Braun through the barricade but Strowman beats the count with 47 seconds left. A third missed charge hits the post and Sami gets two off a high crossbody. Sami is knocked to the floor but comes back in for the Helluva Kick as time ends at 10:00 (really 10:12).
Package on the UK tournament.
We recap Chris Jericho vs. Seth Rollins. Jericho lost to Rollins several times but then started costing Rollins matches against Owens. This earned Jericho a Pedigree on top of a car and that means a match.
Seth Rollins vs. Chris Jericho
Jericho headlocks him to start and does the Gift of Jericho pose. Chris stops him with a raised boot and the missile dropkick gets two. A rake of the eyes slows Rollins down (he even makes like he can't see for a bit, which you almost never see anymore) but he's easily able to catapult Jericho into the buckle.
Jericho gets in a clothesline and we hit the ASK HIM chinlock. Back up and Rollins fires off some right hands followed by the Slingblade. A Blockbuster gets two and Jericho gets shoved out to the floor. Rollins' springboard knee is countered into the Walls which last about as long as you would expect them to. Now the Lionsault is good for two and Seth's Falcon's Arrow gets the same.
Rollins tries the Pedigree but Jericho powers out and gets in a hurricanrana, which transitions into the Walls. Seth counters that with a small package for two, followed by the frog splash. Cue Owens for a distraction, just as Jericho grabs a small package. The Pedigree is countered again but Jericho stops to yell at Owens, allowing Seth to get in the jumping knee. Rollins gets the Pedigree for the pin at 17:12.
Pre-show recap. Cass vs. Rusev II is set for tomorrow night.
Cruiserweight Title: Brian Kendrick vs. TJ Perkins vs. Rich Swann
Swann is defending and Austin Aries is sitting in on commentary. One heck of a forearm puts Kendrick on the floor, leaving Perkins to take the champ down. Swann hurricanranas both guys down at the same time (Aries: I've done it before.) but gets caught in the Captain's Hook.
Perkins makes the save with the kneebar but Swann makes a save of his own. Cole: Who is the favorite now? Aries: I would be if I was in there. Kendrick gets tossed and Perkins slaps on another kneebar, sending Swann to the ropes. That's not a break in a triple threat but Perkins lets go anyway. Back up and Swann kicks Perkins in the head to retain at 5:59.
Post match Neville makes his return to celebrate with Swann before turning heel (!) and destroying all three. Fans: THANK YOU NEVILLE! I can totally go for this, though the idea that Neville weighs under 205lbs is downright laughable.
Owens goes to Jericho's locker room but Chris won't let him in. Kevin tells him to put his name on the list but Jericho still doesn't open the door. That hurts Owens' feelings and he walks away.
Recap of Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte. They've traded the title for months and this is the final match.
Women's Title: Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks
Banks is defending and this is a thirty minute iron man match, though JoJo says the winner is the woman with the most pinfalls. I'm going to assume that's an error because nothing like that was ever mentioned before. Feeling out process to start and they hit the mat for the first two minutes. Banks headlocks her down and things stay slow to start. Some chops have Charlotte in more trouble but it's too early for the Banks Statement.
Another attempt fails just as much so Banks opts for a dropkick instead. Banks: Your daddy loves me more! Sasha wraps her up in something like a rear naked choke but Charlotte drops her back onto the mat for two. Charlotte heads outside and takes the double knees as we hit eight minutes in. A cross arm choke has Charlotte in more trouble but she doesn't tap out as we get to ten minutes.
Sasha throws her outside for a suicide crossbody, only to be tripped face first into the steps in a bad looking crash. We're twelve minutes in now as the referee slows things down a bit to check on Sasha. Three straight knees get two on the champ but another one misses to give Sasha a breather. Charlotte does the figure four headscissors and we're at the halfway mark.
Something like a neckbreaker onto the knee gets two on Sasha and Charlotte seems to be getting frustrated. Natural Selection connects for two but Banks can't get the Bank Statement. Instead Charlotte is put on top, only to come back with a super Natural Selection for the first fall with 10:45 to go.
Charlotte talks a lot of trash but can't get another fall as we hit nine minutes left. Banks goes to the air and spins into a rollup for the tie with 8:43 to go. That means Charlotte needs to get aggressive, only to have Sasha grab the Bank Statement for the tap out with six minutes left. Charlotte gets smart by draping the knee over the middle rope and crashing down onto it as the clock keeps ticking.
Some cannonballs down onto the knee set up a leglock as we've got three minutes left. A not great Figure Four goes on with two minutes left and Sasha is in big trouble. The hold is turned over a few times until Sasha gets caught in the middle of the ring. We're down to thirty seconds left and Banks screams a lot. Charlotte FINALLY turns it into the Figure Eight and Banks taps with two seconds left, meaning it's a draw at 30:00.
This is the END OF THE LINE though so let's do sudden death. Charlotte gets in a shot at the bad leg before the bell rings and a small package gets two for the champ seconds into the extra period. The Bank Statement goes on but Charlotte grabs the bad leg to break the hold. It's turned into a Figure Four and Sasha (with a bloody mouth) taps to the Figure Eight at 2:58 of overtime.
We recap Owens vs. Reigns. Roman beat him a few weeks ago to earn another shot here tonight but the big story is about the drama between Jericho and Owens.
Universal Title: Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns
Owens is defending and I'll only refer to him as champion for the sake of simplicity. Kevin quickly bails to the floor but gets punched in the mouth for his efforts. Something like a spinebuster gets two for Reigns but the threat of a jumping clothesline sends Owens outside. The champ takes over on the floor and hits the backsplash off the steps, followed by the chinlock back inside.
Owens wants to know why Reigns didn't put his title on the line but suspects it's a lack of testicular fortitude. A standing flip legdrop of all things gets two on Roman and it's back to the chinlock. Reigns finally powers out and drives Owens into the corner, only to have the champ throw him down with a German suplex. The Superman Punch is countered into a DDT for two more.
Reigns no sells the Cannonball and hits the Superman Punch for two of his own and both guys are down. Owens goes up top and gets Superman Punched again but still manages to grab the swinging superplex. A Swanton Bomb hits Roman's raised knees and it's spear time. It might be the big scream before the spear but somehow Owens knows to bail to the floor. Reigns gets suckered in and a splash off the apron onto the announcers' table doesn't break the table.
The second attempt works though and Reigns' ribs are hurt again. Reigns dives in at nine so Owens bolts to the top for another frog splash and the accompanying near fall. Roman's sitout powerbomb and Owens' Pop Up Powerbomb get two each and the champ doesn't know what to do. He goes outside for the title belt, earning himself a spear as he comes back inside. Cue Jericho, who looks back and forth at both guy. A Codebreaker to Owens draws the DQ at 23:33.
Jericho raises Owens' hand because IT WAS A SWERVE to end the show. Uh, couldn't he just tap Reigns and get the same result? Rollins comes out and helps with the beatdown, including a DoubleBomb to put Jericho through the table. Owens goes through the announcers' table to end the show to almost no reaction.
Results
Cesaro/Sheamus b. New Day Small package to Kingston
Sami Zayn b. Braun Strowman by surviving the time limit
Seth Rollins b. Chris Jericho Pedigree
Rich Swann b. TJ Perkins and Brian Kendrick Spinning kick to the head
Charlotte b. Sasha Banks three falls to two
Kevin Owens b. Roman Reigns via DQ when Chris Jericho interfered
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
New Day b. Cesaro/Sheamus and Anderson and Gallows Trouble in Paradise to Sheamus
Braun Strowman b. Curtis Axel Wheelbarrow slam
Ariya Daivari b. Lince Dorado via DQ when Jack Gallagher interfered
Brian Kendrick b. TJ Perkins Sliced Bread #2
Bayley b. Alicia Fox Bayley to Belly
Sami Zayn b. Jinder Mahal Helluva Kick
New Day b. Roman Reigns/Seth Rollins and Chris Jericho/Kevin Owens Pedigree to Jericho
Smackdown
Carmella b. Natalya Small package
Zack Ryder won a battle royal last eliminating Konor
Becky Lynch b. Alexa Bliss via countout
Dolph Ziggler b. Luke Harper, Dean Ambrose and the Miz Superkick to Ambrose
NXT
Shinsuke Nakamura b. Samoa Joe Kinshasa
Tye Dillinger b. Eric Young via DQ when Nikki Cross interfered
Andrade Cien Almas b. No Way Jose Arm trap DDT
Roderick Strong b. Elias Samson Sick Kick
Bobby Roode b. Oney Lorcan Inverted DDT
Tribute to the Troops 2016
Cesaro/Sheamus b. Shining Stars, Anderson and Gallows and Golden Truth Brogue Kick to Epico
Apollo Crews b. Miz Rollup
Wyatt Family b. Dolph Ziggler/American Alpha RKO to Gable
Bayley b. Dana Brooke Bayley to Belly
Jack Gallagher/Rich Swann/TJ Perkins b. Drew Gulak/Tony Nese/Brian Kendrick Spinning kick to Gulak's head
Roman Reigns/Big Cass b. Kevin Owens/Rusev Spear to Rusev
Impact Wrestling
King Maxel b. Rockstar Spud Spud was shocked with a taser
Sienna b. ODB Silencer
Itchweeed b. Chet Sterling Pesticide Elbow
Eddie Edwards vs. Lashley went to a no contest
The Hardys won Tag Team Apocalypto last eliminating Decay
Roadblock: End of the Line
Cesaro/Sheamus b. New Day Small package to Kingston
Sami Zayn b. Braun Strowman by surviving the time limit
Seth Rollins b. Chris Jericho Pedigree
Rich Swann b. TJ Perkins and Brian Kendrick Spinning kick to the head
Charlotte b. Sasha Banks three falls to two
Kevin Owens b. Roman Reigns via DQ when Chris Jericho interfered