Haven: Issue #13 Crisis at Infinite Comic Cons Part 1 ???: LET ME OOOUUUUUUUUUUT! A madman in a straitjacket snarls behind an iron-clad door. A nurse and a doctor watch him through a barred window. Nurse: He hasn’t settled down since he has arrived here. When he’s not screaming, he’s muttering non-stop about you know who… Doctor: Well, you know who did put him behind bars. A grudge can be a festering wound… Not only that, but mental illness is such a sad cancer. To go from ivy league mind to an off-white straitjacket is a sad fall. No matter, his next of kin wishes to help and thus has provided for us a friend for him. That will surely keep him quiet. Nurse: Finally, I can get some reading done. Doctor: Ah, here he is now. Two burly guards enter the room of the madman. The madman tries to jump them, but one of the guards begins to shock him with a device while the other guard sets up something in the background. Both guards exit and slam the door behind them as the madman continues to convulse from the shocks. He finally settles down and peers across the room. There is a unique black parrot perched on a resting post. His eyes are circled in yellow. Madman: *mutters* Who are you? Parrot: Squawk! My name is Robert! Madman: *mutters* He must be removed… Robert: Squawk! He must be removed! Madman: *mutters* Eliminate him from the equation… Eerie music begins to pick up as the Madman reaches to the ground for a piece of chalk. The camera reveals a wall in the room that sports a giant mathematical equation. The madman begins to mark on the wall. Madman: Eliminate him... Robert: Squawk! Eliminate him! Madman: Eliminate Haven! Robert: Squawk! Eliminate the Haven! Eliminate the Haven! |------------------------------------------------------------| M&Ms are being tossed in the air as Haven leans back in a recliner in the Haven Cave. A report plays on a giant screen in front of him. Reporter: Crime is at an all-time low here in Smog Town thanks to the tireless efforts of the emerald hero, Haven. It’s the lowest it has been since Black Hawk left the watch of the city to Haven two years ago when he left to assist with Hero Academy duties. Now, with the sudden disappearance of the underground crime lord, Black Skull, the crime rate may dip even lower. Haven begins to simply pour the entire bag of M&Ms on his face in a lackadaisical way as many of them do not land in his mouth. Reporter: However, there may still be a reason to be on alert as today will mark the first day of the of the city’s first Smog Town Comic Con Spectacular. Here is Police Commissioner Giles, who has a few words about potential dangers this weekend. Haven sits up in his recliner and pays attention. Giles: We just want to urge the citizens of Smog Town to be on alert as an event of this size could attract hooligans from different areas. There are several people flying in and staying in hotels. Usually petty thieves try to take advantage on such big events. Just be alert and expect a lot of traffic. Heh. Thank you. Reporter: In other news, how many cats can Tronald Dump juggle at one time? *click* The screen goes off as Haven sports a puzzled look. He rubs his chin. Haven: What’s a Comic Con? |------------------------------------------------------------| The scene shifts as Haven navigates through a giant crowd of people. Several of the attendees are dressed in various costumes. However, one stands out to Haven! It’s the evil villain, Mr. Fiz! Haven tackles him and grabs him by the collar of his half-purple and half-orange suit! Haven: Mr. Fiz! You’re supposed to be behind bars! How did you get out! Mr. Fiz Cosplayer: Dude, I spent over 100 hours on this suit! Can you get off? Haven: What? The cosplayer pushes Haven off and walks away with a snarl on his face. Haven realizes that there is no way that was Mr. Fiz. Haven: What’s going on here? Haven begins to climb to his feet when he notices a black feather on the ground. Haven picks it up and examines it as he stands. Haven then realizes that there is another feather on the ground nearby. He tries to grab it, but the shuffling of feet in the immense crowd blows it away. As Haven tries to catch up, it keeps escaping his grasp. More and more people begin to crowd him. Haven: Hey, watch where you are going! Suddenly, Haven pushes through the people, but the chatter of the venue ceases. Haven looks around and now finds himself alone in a corridor filled with what seems like an infinite number of doors. Haven: Uh, hello? A bright light shines down the hall as a figure approaches. A beautiful, draped in white and cyan robes, overweight man with a hairy body emerges. Oracle: I am the Oracle. Haven cocks an eyebrow. Haven: Where am I, popsicle? And what are you doing here? Oracle: You... are in the heart of the Haven Cosplay Multiverse where universes are slightly, or significantly, altered in various ways by your most loyal fans! Haven: Kinky. Oracle: And I……… I………….I lost the party I was with. Do you mind if I hang with you for a few hours? Haven: Of course, popsicle! Now, how do we get out of here? Oracle: Any one of these doors can be the exit… or an entrance to an alternative reality! The Haven Cosplay Multiverse is vast and endless. Haven: *under breath* with virgins. Alright, let’s try this door! Haven runs to a door and opens it up. The Oracle follows him in. Oracle: In this Universe, Haven is a chick! It’s very important that you don’t mesh worlds as it could have dire consequences- We see Haven making out with the female version of himself. Oracle raises a finger, but then walks out the door. 30 seconds later, Haven comes back out while zipping up his pants. Haven: Next door! Oracle: In this universe, the cowl of Haven was assumed by Hollywood veteran, William Dafoe! We switch scenes again to Haven exiting the door while zipping up his pants. The Oracle sighs. Haven: Alright, oh SHIT A SPIDER! Haven begins to freak out as he swats a small spider off his shoulder. Oracle: YOU FOOL! I told you! Anything you take from another universe becomes part of your own! Now this beast will forever roam the lands of- STOMP! Haven kills the spider. Oracle: Let’s move on. Haven: Wait! Oracle: What? Haven: You said that anything I take from one of these Cosplay Universes will become part of my own? Oracle: Yes! Haven: Dang, I’ve seen some pretty cool stuff already. Hmm. Haven reaches in his pocket and pulls out a small compact makeup mirror that says “Property of Female Haven.” He sees himself in the mirror. The picture changes to the new-looking Haven. Oracle: Nice threads! Haven: Thanks! I also picked up something else from another universe! A new finisher! Emerald Kick! Haven super kicks the Oracle clean out. Haven: Oops. Hey, look, a feather! The black feather reappears as it floats and leads him to a door. Haven stops and looks back down the hallway to get counsel from the Oracle, but he remembers that he knocked him out. Haven turns back to the door and enters. The room is dark and the door pinches off the only light shining in. Haven: Hello? Black and white images begin to flash on-and-off the walls as loud sirens play. Haven grabs his ears in pain as flashes of yellow-feathered eyes keep popping up. Finally, it stops. A spotlight shines on a black-feathered figure with yellow-rimmed eyes. Haven looks up. Haven: Black Hawk? Robert: Squawk! Precisely! Haven: You sound like you have a whooping cough. Do you need to hit up a Walgreens? Robert: Squawk! Silence! Haven, the Black Hawk has returned to Smog Town! Your services are no longer needed! Haven: Uh, are you sure? Robert: Squawk! Never return to Smog Town! Haven: Something seems off. Again, loud screeching and flashing lights. They stop again. Robert: Squawk! Return to a love lost. Return to WZCW, and never come back to Smog Town again! Haven: WZCW? Yes, of course. Are you sure? Robert: Squawk! Yes! Be gone! Haven: I won’t let you down Black Hawk. I know that there is still injustice to right in the WZCW. Can I go back to the cave and grab my stuff? Robert: Squawk! No, take this! A garage door opens up to the outside. In the frame of the exit is the old Havenmobile with the U-Haul attached to the back. Haven: My baby! Haven runs over to the old motorcycle and mounts it. He pauses and looks back at the glowing eyes of Robert. Haven: You know, I’m still curious how you turned into a parrot and why you have an evil tone about you now, but the burning images in my mind hurt my brain if I entertain those thoughts for too long. Soooooo, I don’t see any reason why I shouldn’t trust you. WZCW, HERE I COME! Haven revs up the Havenmobile and drives off. The door shuts behind him. Robert leers at the door. Robert: Squawk! Eliminate the Haven! |------------------------------------------------------------| The sun sets as Haven gleams in his new attire as the Havenmobile cruises on. Haven: Look out, WZCW! I haven’t been around in a long time, and I don’t know who my first opponent will be in my return match, but I’ll do my best to bring justice to those who deserve it! Haven jumps on the handlebars of the Havenmobile. Haven: Oh, and in addition to my new attire, finisher, and RP story arc, I also picked up a catchphrase! Haven points directly at the camera. Haven: Get ready for some Kickassery! I mean, FUCK THE POLICE! I mean- Haven digs through his pockets and finally finds the catchphrase written down among several fortunes from fortune cookies. He reads it and points at the camera. Haven: Heels of WZCW, justice is colored green! Triumphant music plays as the camera pans back and positions itself looking at the back-hatch of the U-Haul. A soft thud occurs, indicating that someone, or something, might be in there!