The scene starts with a close up of Saboteur’s face, reminiscent of his first appearance in All-Stars.
Saboteur: So I tossed the last guy over the rope, he crashed to the floor, and I won the Contract Battle Royal! Take it in dude, you’re looking at WZCW’s next big thing!
Pizza Guy: Uh, cool. So are you gonna pay for this or what?
Saboteur reaches into his pants and pulls out a wad of crumpled up bills that he shoves into the pizza guy’s hand and takes the pizza.
Saboteur: Say, you look familiar. Did I ever kill you?
Pizza Guy (dryly): I can say with some certainty that you have never killed me.
Saboteur: Hmm, must be imagining things. Oh well, toodles!
Saboteur slams the door shut and makes his way to the couch where Garrett is sitting, watching M*A*S*H. He puts the pizza box on the coffee table and both he and Garrett take out a slice of pizza covered in all sorts of weird toppings. Saboteur bites right into the pizza as Garrett hesitantly bites in and makes an odd face as he tastes the flavors that aren’t exactly working together.
Garrett: You know, I would have liked to watch your match rather than 100 episodes of various Scott Baio shows. I still can’t believe you won.
Saboteur: Funny thing, I don’t know if I actually won… it all happened so fast! I’ve just been telling people I have because it sounds more impressive. Besides, my match wasn’t televised anyway, but my next match will be!
Garrett: Really? You have a match already? With who?
Saboteur: With Johnny Scumm, a guy that was in the Battle Royal with me.
Garrett: Wow, very nice, so what’s your plan?
Saboteur: Plan?
Garrett: Uh, yeah, how do you plan on beating him?
Saboteur: Well, I figured I’d just go out there and kick his ass. My healing factor should take care of any damage he throws my way, so I’ll just outlast him until I get the win.
Garrett: Sab, do you remember that time you shot yourself in the foot just to prove you have a healing factor?
Saboteur: Yeah, and I did.
Garrett: You couldn’t walk for four months!
Saboteur: But it would have been six months if I were a regular person!
Garrett: You don’t have four months to win the match though, you only have about 10 minutes, tops. I’ll I’m saying is maybe you should come up with a backup plan.
Saboteur: I suppose that’s not a bad idea. After all, all the best heroes have plan Bs.
Garrett: Exactly. You just need to prepare for Scumm. What I think you should do is…
Saboteur: I know! I’ll do a training montage!
A cutaway begins with Saboteur in his kitchen with the Rocky theme playing in the background. He is wearing a wife beater, gym shorts, and a sweatband over his regular costume, and he’s holding a cup with raw eggs in it. He breaks one more egg into the cup and picks it up to drink it. He’s about to chug the concoction when he’s interrupted by Garrett.
Garrett: Hold up Sab, training montages are done to death, maybe you should try something else. Besides, I’m pretty sure drinking raw eggs will do nothing for you except give you salmonella.
The camera cuts back to Saboteur, who has suddenly changed outfits. Instead of gym clothes he is now wearing baggy jeans, a striped polo, and a backwards hat, all still over his costume.
Saboteur: Pffft, I decided against a training montage like, 5 seconds ago. I’m just going to have a long, soul-searching walk montage instead.
Garrett: I don’t think any montage is going to help you beat Scumm on Meltdown.
The camera cuts back to Saboteur, who is now just in his normal outfit.
Saboteur: Then what can I do!? All my ideas come from classic 80s film! They don’t teach you how to beat 220 pounds of angry English orphan in Ferris Beuller’s Day Off!
Garrett: Well, in Joanie Loves Chachi, Joanie wants Chachi to take her out dancing, but Chachi is afraid to because he doesn’t know how. He says no, and it makes Joanie really upset, and rightfully so. However, Chachi is so dedicated to Joanie that he secretly takes dance lessons and surprises her by taking her to a dance club.
Saboteur: So? What’s your point?
Garrett: If you really want something, all you have to do is dedicate yourself to it, and you can do anything.
Saboteur: That might be the STUPIDEST thing I’ve ever… wait a minute, I have an idea! Garrett, slap me!
Garrett is surprised by Saboteur’s odd request.
Garrett: What? Why?
Saboteur: Because whenever someone is being irrational and needs to get serious, a slap in the face always does the trick!
Garrett: Okay, you don’t have to ask me twice.
Garrett winds up and slaps Saboteur so hard that some spit flies out of Saboteur’s mouth.
Saboteur: Ouch! Jeeze, that hurt like a mother!
Garrett: Did it work?
Saboteur: Does it look like it worked? Do you see a light bulb over my head? No, all you see are there freakin’ birds flying around in circles.
Garrett: Uh, I think you’re seeing things Sab.
Saboteur: Wouldn’t be the first time I… WAIT! THERE IT IS!
Garrett: Huh?
Saboteur: No time to explain! I need privacy!
Saboteur grabs Garrett by the collar and throws him into the apartment’s bathroom.
Saboteur: Stay in there until I let you out. There’s a copy of Us Weekly on the toilet.
Garrett: That issue is from 1994!
Saboteur ignores Garrett and shuts the door on him. Saboteur goes to his couch, pulls a laptop out from between the cushions, and sits down and turns the computer on. He types in something and then watches.
Copeland: Ladies and gentlemen welcome to WZCW Kingdom Come!
Connor: We're here in a sold out Wembley Stadium which has over 90,000 fans just waiting to get us started.
The screen fades to black as Saboteur watches Kingdom Come II on his laptop.
We fade back in with the camera focusing on Garrett, who is asleep against the wall of the bathroom. It’s quite dark in the room, but it gets much brighter when Saboteur opens the door. Garrett wakes up when the light from the outside gets on his face.
Garrett (sleepily): Nobody can play mentally challenged like you, Tom Hanks.
Saboteur is standing straight up in the door. His voice is different, much more serious sounding, as if he just saw a ghost. He doesn’t sound frightened, nor does he sound brave, he just sounds like he’s learned something that will change his life forever.
Saboteur: Garrett, I’m ready.
Garrett perks up and gets more alert.
Garrett: Hmmm, what are you talking about?
Saboteur: For the last four hours,
Garrett: You left me in here for four hours?
Saboteur: I’ve been watching WZCW matches non-stop. I’ve watched all the greatest wrestlers that have ever come through WZCW’s doors. Ty Burna, Titus, Everest, Blade… I studied their moves, I watched what separated them from the rest of the bunch.
Garrett seems almost mesmerized by Saboteur’s attitude and words.
Garrett: What is it?
Saboteur: It’s everything. They know when to attack and when to defend. They know when to use their power to pound an opponent into the ground or when to use precise strikes and holds to wear their enemy down. It’s like they know exactly what their opponent is going to do before they do it, it’s like they know exactly who their opponent is.
And you know what? I know exactly who Scumm is.
Scumm is a brawler that decided to take his favorite past time, beating up people that were weaker than him, and change it into a career. He’s been pretty successful too, he’s bounced around from place to place winning a fight here, a tournament there, and he’s made a name for himself, but now he’s in the big leagues and he’s not going to be stepping in the ring with some nobody that’s had one to many beers and a head full of liquid courage. Only the best of the best can get in a WZCW ring, and he’ll be meeting one of the best when he gets in the ring with me on Meltdown.
He better not think he can knock me out with his brawling. I’ve been in fights with people from all over the world. I’ve fought masters of karate, Muay Thai, Savate, Tae Kwan Do, Sambo, you name the style, I’ve fought someone who knows every thing about it and how to use it to kill you. If he thinks his uneducated fists and feet can take down a trained martial artist like me, he’s got another thing coming.
Maybe he’ll rely on his submission holds. If that’s his plan, he has no hope. Maybe he’ll use his figure four leg lock? When the KGB captured me they hung me upside down by my legs for twelve hours. Maybe he’ll try his sleeper hold? When I was training myself to become a mercenary I would practice holding my breath underwater. My longest time? Five minutes and seventeen seconds. Let’s see him keep on a sleeper hold for that long. Or maybe he’ll try his dreaded LeBell Lock. Please, I’ve been exposed to every form of torture there is on this planet, and I sincerely doubt the LeBell Lock could be any worse than being stung by Taiwanese Scorpions repeatedly, having my head smashed against a concrete block until it broke, or being forced to look at naked pictures of Kim Jong Il for hours at a time.
Scumm may be physically strong, but he's mentally weak. Maybe he's taken one too many bumps to the head, maybe the English school system failed him, I don't really know, and I don't really care. He's unintelligent, uncreative, and unimaginative. Strength alone will not get him anywhere in WZCW, and he's missing the other key elements that make a winner.
So I’ve told you what Scumm isn’t going to do to me… but let me tell you what I’m going to do to Scumm. I’m going to break him in every way imaginable. I’m going to show him how real men fight, not with just their muscles, but with their minds too. I’ll wear him down to the point where he’ll be begging for the match to end, and I will oblige him by hitting him with the Death Blow.
Now you might think I’m going overboard right now, Garrett, but I’m not. This is my first official match in WZCW, and therefore the most important match of my career. I CANNOT lose this match, there’s just no way I’m going to let that happen. And it won’t happen, because I am the superior competitor in every way imaginable.
There’s a brief moment of silence as Saboteur stands and Garrett sits in silence.
Garrett: Wow…
Saboteur shakes his head similar to how a dog shakes its body when it’s wet.
Saboteur: Huh? What happened, I zoned out for a second there.
Garrett: Sab, I think you’re ready for Scumm.
Saboteur gets in his hero pose and clears his throat to prepare to talk in his hero voice.
Saboteur: Then it is written in the stars. This Saturday on Meltdown, the world will be treated to a show for the ages as Saboteur vanquishes his foe, Johnny Scumm, and begins a fruitful career in the world’s greatest wrestling federation, WZCW.
