TheOneBigWill's 'take' on the Great American Bash: July 20th, 2008:
The Matches:
W.W.E. Tag Team Championships: Fatal Four-Way: John Morrison & The Miz (c.) v. Family Finlay v. Hawkins & Ryder v. Jesse & Festus: The night started off in the right way to me, as this was truly the main match I'd wanted to see. Why? Because it's such a rare moment to see the Tag Team Champions wrestling, let alone defending their titles, on Pay Per View. And to add even more, it was against 3 other teams.
The one match-up specifically in this match I'd dreamed of, in a sick-mind and violent sense, was Festus against Hornswoggle. Thanks to Miz & Morrison, that just happened to be the opening bell encounter. Unfortunately, apparently Festus has a weakness to midgets, because the mildly ******ed bastard didn't touch him. Instead, Hornswoggle suicide dived into the Tag Champs, and somehow Miz ended up getting fed to the "Corn-fed Colossus".
The match itself could've went just a tad longer in my opinion, and in the end the team that may of had the least amount of chances to win, ended up coming out with the titles. That team, was Hawkins & Ryder. In my opinion of this Championship victory, it seems the W.W.E.'s new path to glory is one that doesn't need you to be worthy in their eyes.
First C.M. Punk becomes a World Champion, later in this p.p.v. (as a matter of fact the next match) sees another "wtf" moment and a new Champion crowned, and then this. Hawkins and Ryder, the W.W.E.'s answer to jobbing in style, apparently. So where will they go? Are they with Edge, or Vickie? Does it even matter? Are they even with anyone? The fact is, they didn't get hardly any time to show that they could be Champions in this match, and ended up getting lucky at the end, by literally falling into victory.
United States Championship: Matt Hardy (c.) v. Shelton Benjamin: I said it just a moment ago, and I'm finding myself saying it once again. In the second straight "wtf" moment of the night as far as it goes with crowning new Champions, Shelton Benjamin comes into this match with one single victory over Matt Hardy on a Smackdown that was a week or so ago, and nothing else. No push, no build, hell some people might of even had a hard time believing Shelton was even getting a title shot, because the match itself wasn't even announced until the day prior.
None the less, this match went just a hair over what I'd liked it to go. It seemed that both men were just having an awkward time with each other, and the action to me didn't really pick up until the end of the match. The reason I say it should've been a shorter match, is because Benjamin isn't your stamina - long distance - go-to-guy, when it goes to wasting time. Matt Hardy could pull it, but only when he has someone who can continue to go with him. Unfortunately, this wasn't the night for either of them.
The only thing I can come to assume with Benjamin's Championship victory, is that Matt Hardy is the biggest failure as a Champion in W.W.E. history. They built him for well over a year, to take the Championship off of arguably their next brightest star in M.V.P. (who wasn't even on the card, by the way) and then Hardy has exactly ONE FEUD.. with Chavo Guerrero. And apparently that was enough for W.W.E. creative to say to themselves "Okay, that's it, this guy sucks". And just like that, Benjamin gets hot-shotted into the spot.
The only thing I am happy regarding, is now I can finally prove that it isn't just my dislike for Punk alone. As I think Benjamin is just the same, and I love watching Benjamin wrestle, but he never should've won the Championship tonight. There was no build, and nothing that goes in his favor in saying he deserves it.
E.C.W. Championship: Mark Henry (c.) (w/ Tony Atlas) v. Tommy Dreamer (w/ Colin Delaney): MATCH OF THE NIGHT!!
Nah, I'm just playin'. Honestly, this match went way too long for what it should've as well. There was no reason why this couldn't of easily been a squash match, one and done. But instead, Mark Henry is apparently suppose to look mildly weak against a guy that up until two monthes ago hadn't been on Pay Per View since jobbing as a random number in the Royal Rumble, then again in a battle royal before Mania.
Henry did control 98% of this match, and it wasn't until Dreamer hit a couple signature moves, including his D.D.T. that lead Tony Atlas to jumping up onto the apron. This leads to Dreamer going to the corner, after Atlas gets down, and before Dreamer can jump off with what is apparently a finishing type move?? Delaney jumps up on the apron next to Dreamer, whispers something to him, and both do the "Extreme" pose. Unity at it's finest, that is until Dreamer goes to jump off, and gets yanked in another direction by the W.W.E.'s newest heel..
COLIN F'N DELANEY!
Yes!!! That's right, Colin Delaney FTW and finally said Fuck You, Tommy Dreamer, I'm not going down the losing path anymore. I'm a winner, and I'll prove it!
Sadly, this was the over-shadowing greatest moment of this entire contest, and Mark Henry does pick up his first Championship retaining victory.
Grudge Match: Shawn Michaels v. Chris Jericho (w/ Lance Cade): While this will definately fall into their worst match (yet) catagory, I honestly think this is the only way it could've gone. Both men started from the opening bell until the ending one, and wouldn't let up with the punches. Not a lot of great wrestling in this match, and I didn't honestly go into it expecting there to be.
If anything, I got exactly what I wanted, because I had hoped if they wanted to make me believe these two hated each other as much as they were playing toward, that neither man would take the time to hit a lot of chain wrestling-like moves. Instead, it ended in a bloodbath.. well, for Shawn Michaels, that is. H.B.K. seemed to have the upper hand during the beginning of the match, but things changed completely and forever the second Shawn took an elbow to his injured eye. That created a cut (and another amazingly and likely deep blade job by H.B.K.) around Shawn's eye that just made the entire match that much more enjoyable.
The only thing that pissed me off, was I sat in my chair yelling at the official to get the fuck out of the way. I kept thinking to myself, if Shawn Michaels wins this match because that fucking referee won't move and he randomly hits a Superkick and wins, I'm gonna be fucking pissed off. Then I kept thinking the official was going to stop the match and DQ Chris Jericho because he wouldn't let up.
In the end, Chris Jericho still didn't get a pinfall or submission victory, as the official just decided to stop the match due to H.B.K. barely moving and excessive blood loss. I personally think that was bullshit on Shawn Michaels part as well, to not even give Jericho the pinfall finish, but if you look at the storyline it's excusable to the point of making some sense. Jericho wanted to injure and destroy Shawn Michaels, not beat him. And Jericho didn't even really go for a cover the entire match. (maybe one or two at most) Lance Cade also interjected himself into the match, and his only glory of it was delivering what could've arguably been the final knockout blow to Shawn's head. Cade delivered a very stiff looking kick. Cade raises Jericho's hand at the top of the ramp, while Shawn is looked after in the ring.
On the final couple of notes I have. Someone really needs to teach Michael Cole the difference between left and right, because he did it again. He said Shawn's "right" eye was in bad shape, when it was actually the left eye that was massively bleeding. I sat there thinking, "Holy crap, if his right eye is in bad shape, what would you say the left eye is?" And finally, my goodness, someone needs to get Chavo Guerrero and Shawn Michaels together, so Chavo can share with Shawn the number to that hair restoration group.
W.W.E. Divas Championship: Michelle McCool v. Natalya: Did I expect this match to be good? Yes. Was it? Not hardly. While it definately wasn't horrible, the fact is Michelle McCool 'screams' diva all over her.. so why the fuck was I blindly assuming Natalya was going to win because she had the wrestling Family background, and the better ability, and the overall greater amount of talent? pfft, silly me right?
The moment Natalya locked in the Sharpshooter near the ropes, I knew she was going to lose. But the fact is, when McCool had her shit-ass leg submission on Natalya the second time, Natalya could've very easily rolled that into a Sharpshooter, which I held out hope for. Unfortunately, McCool walks away with history, while Natalya just walked away.. or limped, as it were.
I don't have very much to report from this except Cherry and Eve came out to congratulate McCool. Has Maria been fired?? Because she's a Smackdown diva, yet she hasn't been on the actual show since the draft. And she's been advertised to be.
All in all, like I said, I don't have much to say about this match because it wasn't very long (thankfully) and it wasn't at all entertaining to me. The only other final note I have is that I really had no idea how I couldn't of seen McCool's victory coming the moment she walked out. Her outfit even matched the title, and everyone knows that's all that matters these days.
Directly after this match, Chris Jericho walks back out and explains that he wants everyone to take their tickets and frame them, because history was made tonight. (Not the Divas Champion being crowned though) He said that he came from the trainer's room, and Shawn Michaels career is over. He's been diagnosed with a detached retina!
World Heavyweight Championship: C.M. Punk (c.) v. Batista: Whelp, I've said for weeks that if C.M. Punk wants to be taken seriously as any type of Champion, he was going to have to prove it here. The little bastard even had an interview earlier in the night, stating he was in the business to prove people wrong. Well Indy Punk, you didn't. Infact, you proved me right.
Whoever thinks this wasn't a glorified squash match is blind and naive. Batista had this match firmly in his control, and the few moments Punk did have control and hit his signature moves, Batista kept kicking out with ease. The only good thing I'll give Punk credit for is having a decent to good match with Batista. A lot better than his sad attempt at a Main Event with J.B.L., or his half-assed victory over Snitsky.
However, that not withstanding, I've never discredited the guy for being untalented. He has talent, he wouldn't be in the business if he didn't. But the fact is, he needs a victory, without interference, without controversy, desperately. And he didn't get what he needed the most tonight. Why? Because Kane came out and destroyed both Batista and C.M. Punk, declaring this match a double Disqualification!
But in the end, it was Batista leveling Punk with a Spinebuster outside the ring, that would've surely lead to the end of Punk's title reign. Batista was rolling him into the ring, and moments from dropping a Batista-Bomb on him, when Kane interfered and took Batista out first. Then, rolled into the ring and flattened Punk next.
I'm going on record and assuming a Triple Threat match will happen at Summerslam for the Championship. I'm also assuming that either Punk will pick up a fluke victory in retaining, or his reign will be finally over, as Kane might possibly walk away with the title. However that is jumping the gun, and we weren't finished with tonight's action. You see, after Batista realized his chance at becoming Champion was once again inches away, yet unfortunately not there.. he dropped Punk violently in a Batista Bomb, assumably turning heel, as he drops his elbow pads and walking away, very, very frustrated.
New York City Parking Lot Brawl: John 'Bradshaw' Layfield v. John Cena: Do the commentators not have the ability to call this match from the parking lot? I mean, they've talked over watching action unfold from the parking lot before.. so why silence them now? This match reminded me of how dreadfully silent the Boiler Room Brawl matches were. That type of silence is just unneeded and unwanted. So what I was stuck with, was listening to silence every couple of moments, until someone got slammed into the side of a car, or into it somehow.
The overall match wasn't pretty in any manner, and didn't truly serve a purpose of enjoyment to me. I'm curious how messed up Cena's back is, after taking that car door and the hubcap. (jagged side up) I was surprised to actually see Cena inside a car that was ON FIRE! But I'm also very surprised to see the car not explode in the slightest, because typically when flames are around it that much, the gas tank seems to not take too kindly to it.
Of course we seen the classic ref. moment of him yelling "Oh my God, FIRE! FIRE!" Because that'll put it out.
And then we seen Super Cena come back from being torched alive, and unharmed! I guarantee Superman is sitting at home thinking to himself "That upstaging son of a bitch!"
In the end, we revisited a slight moment from Survivor Series 2000, when I thought Cena was going to use the forklift to F-U the car J.B.L. was in. Seriously. Instead, Cena decided to drive it, the car, and J.B.L. all, out to the arena, where the announcers suddenly were capable of talking again! This lead to J.B.L. barely being able to stumble out of the car. A slight brawl followed, which lead to a 5 knuckle shuffle on the staging area, and then Cena attempts an F-U, only to be tossed off the staging area and through the windshield of the car on the forklift. J.B.L. pins Cena and FINALLY discovers what it's like to win agianst him.
In complete honesty, with as much as the officials have been making absurd DQ calls, I'm surprised J.B.L. didn't win sooner when Cena illegally parked the forklift in a no parking zone.
I'm also completely surprised that this feud should've been more to build on Ted DiBiase, Cody Rhodes & Cryme Tyme, and none of them were even apparently there.
W.W.E. Championship: Triple H. (c.) v. Edge: Wrestlemania comes early, right? Sure, whatever. In complete honesty, I'm going to say this was the
Match of the Night simply because Jericho and H.B.K. didn't wrestle, and Benjamin/Hardy looked awkward. That's not slapping H.H.H. or Edge, but to be honest this match started off very slowly.
Edge stayed with it for most of the entire match, and always seemed to have a counter for anything Triple H. tried. Edge countered roughly every signature move H.H.H. had, and stayed one step ahead of the Game, literally. The announcers were concerned that Edge wouldn't be able to focus, but if anything I think we're seeing Edge returning to the Edge of old, that is more focused and more determined because he no longer has the security of a group interfering for him.
The ending was no surprise to me, as I figured Vickie Guerrero would interfere, but what was very shocking is the fact that Alicia Fox is still around. Ms. Fox rushes out and attempts to help Edge by grabbing the Championship and giving it to him. That's very short lived, however, as Vickie Guerrero stampedes out from the back and delivers a buffalo-like stampeding clothesline! Fox begins convulsing from the mammoth clothesline. Meanwhile, Vickie begins coming into the ring with the Championship, as it's very clear what she's wanting to do, and that's blast Edge with it.
The official argues with her, and they begin fighting over the title until Alica Fox comes into the ring and takes down Vickie. The two ladies roll around for a bit, until they get back up. Edge rushes in with a spear, as the announcers believe he was going for Fox??? (I thought the official) Instead of hitting either Fox or the Official, however, he straight up FUCKED Vickie up by spearing her in half! She took one hell of a spear!
After all of this unfolded, Edge turns directly into a pedigree, as Triple H. retains in regular fashion, while Edge and Vickie are both laid out as a result. The backlash to this will surely be controversial, considering it didn't look like Edge meant to hit Vickie, yet Alicia has apparently filled out the application to become the next Lita. I suppose the only thing to do is tune in Friday Night, as the (Smackdown) World turns.
Overall Thoughts: I wouldn't say this Pay Per View was anything great, but it was what I figured it would be.. very chaotic. J.B.L. finally got a measure of revenge, but at what price? He seemed almost worse off than Cena. I'd be very surprised if either were wrestling on Raw.
Shawn's detached retina is more believable than the title reigns of C.M. Punk, Shelton Benjamin, Michelle McCool, and Hawkins & Ryder, combined. FACT!
I can't wait to see the comeback story for that one either. Either Jericho will be revealed as a liar, or Shawn will have miracle surgery to repair it and in the end, why do I feel this is leading to a blindfold match that could take place as early as Summerslam, or Unforgiven?
So will Jesse and Festus ever win a Tag Team Championship? I'm honestly disappointed that they didn't, especially since this was really a great opportunity for them to. I guess it's just not their time.
Speaking of not their time, does this mean Natalya v. McCool will rematch at Summerslam where Natalya will likely win, or does Victoria get the shot at McCool? I say Triple Threat!
I have NO idea where they're going with Benjamin as United States Champion, except to say Mr. Kennedy & Jeff Hardy's title opportunities just got a lot better. I don't see Benjamin holding this Championship nearly as long as he held the Intercontinental title.. and if Jeff Hardy gets his hands on it, will it ever be defended again? I mean, because he obviously did such a great job up-holding defenses of the Intercontinental title.
I'd rather see Chris Jericho v. C.M. Punk at Summerslam, with Jericho winning the title, than Kane and Batista against Punk and Punk falling into another fluke victory. I mean hell, come on.. Punk didn't do anything tonight that showed he had a chance in hell against defeating Batista. How many more endless arguments will I find myself in, over more Punk bastards reliving his Indy days of saying.. well he was great then. He's yet to do anything to standout as a Champion, NOW, and that's the point.
No M.V.P., Jeff Hardy, Kennedy, Big Show, Umaga, Kofi Kingson, Ted DiBiase, Cody Rhodes, Cryme Tyme, Mickie James, or returning William Regal. Just look at the amount of talent that was left OFF the card, and then explain to me why I had to sit through a match to crown a second meaningless female Champion? You can't do it.
Triple H. v. The Great Khali for Summerslam. I'm gonna start lobbying for it right now. Why? Because Khali in the Main Event at Summerslam will shut his nay-sayer's up.
And Triple H. doesn't really have any other options short of Umaga or the Big Show. I doubt Edge will rematch, short of him winning a battle royal to be crowned Number One Contender. I'm thinking Edge against Vickie will end up happening sooner or later. It's almost a definate.
Overall, the p.p.v. like I said, it wasn't great but it was a better B-Show p.p.v. than most. All in all I'd give it a
7 outta 10.
