Can good come from open marriages/relationships?
The idea of an open marriage/relationship, or polyamory, is a simple one, in which both partners remain committed to each other in most ways, but look outside their relationship for their sexual fulfillment. Today, moreso then ever in our current society, open marriages and relationships are being formed. Many people in an open marriage find themselves generally happy with most aspects of their marriage, but find themselves lacking in the sexual aspect of the relationship. Many psychologists and psychiatrists today feel that as long as communication is kept open between the couple, then this can work as long as both parties agree to it. In short, the two get their emotional and relational needs from their spouse, and their purely sexual ones from other people. More marriages/relationships are moving to this today, and in essence, creating their own version of happily ever after. After all, it avoids the notion of affairs and "cheating", which is one of the largest causes of divorce today. A marriage/relationship is a bond between two individuals. When successful, each person plays an equal and instrumental part in creating something that neither could even aspire to on their own. What these two play out should be guided by pleasing their partner, and deriving their pleasure in an optimal way that both agree will make the other happy. So if an open marriage is agreed upon as something that can make both partners happy, then other then moral/religious reasons, is there really a problem?
I would argue that there's no possible way for this ideal to work in the long haul. That inevitably, one partner or the other will start forming an outside attachment to one of their partners that's more then just sexual. Obviously, this would threaten the ideal of the open marriage, where the outside partners are sexual only, and the marriage provides everything else. But it can be a slippery slope to allow someone to connect sexually with another person long term, and not think that they'll form other attachments as well. After all, we do form and need emotional attachment, and it is the crucible of much of our growth as adults. I wonder what people truly accomplish by their escapades outside of their marriage/relationship, whether it's a form of escapism, and if both partners are being equally honest in wanting such an arrangement. The risk is run that one partner wants an open relationship more than the other, but presents it as something for the benefit of both.
Further, the idea of not putting restrictions on another person sounds extremely naive, not to mention misguided and potentially dangerous. At the very least, as with any relationship, you would need to set up some ground rules that protect both of you, your health, your home life, and the great relationship you profess to have. I wonder why people who engage in polygamous relationships don't put that energy into their existing relationship and use the trust between you as a springboard for endless inner and outer exploration and excitement. Of course, it takes work, as it's much easier to look outside for excitement than to find the source within. But that's just my opinion, and my questions are as follows...
Is there any scenario under which an open marriage/relationship can truly work? What benefits can come from one?
Could one(or yourself) truly lead a fulfilling life under the "ideal" that they sustain sincere, complete emotional attachments with one person while engaging in a purely sexual relationship with someone else?
Should an open marriage ever be truly considered when there are kids involved? Why or why not?
The idea of an open marriage/relationship, or polyamory, is a simple one, in which both partners remain committed to each other in most ways, but look outside their relationship for their sexual fulfillment. Today, moreso then ever in our current society, open marriages and relationships are being formed. Many people in an open marriage find themselves generally happy with most aspects of their marriage, but find themselves lacking in the sexual aspect of the relationship. Many psychologists and psychiatrists today feel that as long as communication is kept open between the couple, then this can work as long as both parties agree to it. In short, the two get their emotional and relational needs from their spouse, and their purely sexual ones from other people. More marriages/relationships are moving to this today, and in essence, creating their own version of happily ever after. After all, it avoids the notion of affairs and "cheating", which is one of the largest causes of divorce today. A marriage/relationship is a bond between two individuals. When successful, each person plays an equal and instrumental part in creating something that neither could even aspire to on their own. What these two play out should be guided by pleasing their partner, and deriving their pleasure in an optimal way that both agree will make the other happy. So if an open marriage is agreed upon as something that can make both partners happy, then other then moral/religious reasons, is there really a problem?
I would argue that there's no possible way for this ideal to work in the long haul. That inevitably, one partner or the other will start forming an outside attachment to one of their partners that's more then just sexual. Obviously, this would threaten the ideal of the open marriage, where the outside partners are sexual only, and the marriage provides everything else. But it can be a slippery slope to allow someone to connect sexually with another person long term, and not think that they'll form other attachments as well. After all, we do form and need emotional attachment, and it is the crucible of much of our growth as adults. I wonder what people truly accomplish by their escapades outside of their marriage/relationship, whether it's a form of escapism, and if both partners are being equally honest in wanting such an arrangement. The risk is run that one partner wants an open relationship more than the other, but presents it as something for the benefit of both.
Further, the idea of not putting restrictions on another person sounds extremely naive, not to mention misguided and potentially dangerous. At the very least, as with any relationship, you would need to set up some ground rules that protect both of you, your health, your home life, and the great relationship you profess to have. I wonder why people who engage in polygamous relationships don't put that energy into their existing relationship and use the trust between you as a springboard for endless inner and outer exploration and excitement. Of course, it takes work, as it's much easier to look outside for excitement than to find the source within. But that's just my opinion, and my questions are as follows...
Is there any scenario under which an open marriage/relationship can truly work? What benefits can come from one?
Could one(or yourself) truly lead a fulfilling life under the "ideal" that they sustain sincere, complete emotional attachments with one person while engaging in a purely sexual relationship with someone else?
Should an open marriage ever be truly considered when there are kids involved? Why or why not?