You are a movie exec...

[Serious Mozzarella]

Imagine for a moment that you don't love movies. Imagine that you are a soulless, money-grabbing, childhood raping movie exec.

Now what do you choose to remake, adapt, or sequelize? What stars do you push on your director? What trends do you shoehorn in? How do you make the thing mass-appeal-as-fuck?

Nothing is sacred.

------------------

Of course, I will start us out with another dick inside the dead hole that is the video game movie.

Street Fighter reboot, directed by Brett Ratner.

Of course, this is going to go back to it's traditional storyline. You know, the storyline where Guile (played by Jean Claude Van Damme) is a UN marine sent to take out Bison (Raul Julia) for holding hostages for ransom, and making genetically engineered super soldiers?

Well THIS time, we're going to shake things up a bit.

Get this, ready? GUYS LISTEN. Okay, check this out.

We're going to throw out all the pre-determined nationalities of the characters. Guile will be played by Vin Diesel, but Jean Claude Van Damme will cameo in the role as Guile's father -- IT'S GOING TO BE SO FUNNY BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER THE FIRST MOVIE, HAHAHA.

Okay. So. Ryu and Ken are going to be played by Jet Li and Seth Rogen, and they will be the comic relief! Everybody loves Seth Rogen! He can make stoner jokes, and react in exaggerated ways to the crazy kung-fu of Jet Li!

Chun Li will be played by the beautiful Megan Fox. She is going to be playing a super spy, and you won't even know she's a woman until after she kicks like... 5 minions asses, and ends up saving Guile's life. Because, you know, it's going to be awesome because MEN do the ass kicking, normally, and like, it'll be a woman! The audience will never expect it, and they'll be all surprised when she takes off her motorcycle helmet!

Bison will be played by Jeff Bridges. He's an ex-military guy who was Guile's sergeant when Guile joined the military! Their history goes way back, so it'll be all tense and stuff when they finally fight! But Bison will still act like a teacher, and it'll be like the student finally beating the master, and there will be explosions, and the audience will go APE SHIT.

The soundtrack is going to be popular music from no earlier than 2010, so everyone is going to recognize the theme when they hear it!

SOUNDS AWESOME RIGHT.

 

[#hamler]

Remake - 6 Million Dollar Man

I think I've seen enough of this show back in the '90s when they use to show reruns of this tv show on SciFi to make a good remake. So yeah, I'd remake this awesome tv shoiw into a movie but here's the thing, unlike the tv series: IT'S A COMEDY!

Now bear with me. Who plays Steve Austin in the leading role- Seth Rogen.

In the original, Steve Austin (lead character) was an astronaut who was one of the greats,until one day his space craft did not land the way it was meant to and Steve Austin fell to the earth from space in a terrible crash which most people would not have survived. Steve was a strong pilot and survived the crashed wreck so the people of NASA decided that they could build a new Steve Austin using spare space ship parts and other new technologies. One of his arms and his leg was replaced with a synthetic prosthetic arm and leg which were mechanical. These gave him the strength and speed of fast animals in the wild which made him just like the super heroes of the comic books.

Now, basically, I'd get rid of the whole story and come up with something more funny or not so uptight. Instead of being an astronaut, I'd have him to be a loser, dead beat video game tester who works for Sony. After a horrible accident involving a new type of futuristic game, Microsoft (Sony's Opponent) decides to rebuild him using parts and technology from the Xbox360. I'd keep all the same basic components with a few tweaks. Seth would go around solving crimes like a secret agent.

The plot would revolve around Seth getting revenge on those top executives who sabotaged the video game to try and kill him. Later in the movie, I'd introduce Jamie, the Six Million Dollar woman. Her character played by Elizabeth Banks who was also injured by the futuristc video game. She'd be involved somehow. In the end, I'd have the doctor or scientist who made the original transformations to the lead characters, turn on them both. Their mechanics start to fail. Another 6 million dollar man would also be involved but a little more advanced...say 7 Million Dollars?

But yeah, I think this could be a solid remake of a hit 70s tv show but something that could be very funny. Seth Rogen has a good fan base (not on here) but I think this could be seriously funny. As for the hardcore fans of the show, well, aren't remakes suppose to piss those people off?

 

[Cena's Little Helper]

The answer to this question is easy: you make whatever type of film gives you the biggest opening weekend gross and you try to make sure your production and marketing costs are below that gross (production/distribution companies take about a 90% cut of an opening weekend gross; to entice theaters/film exhibitioners to keep showing their films after their opening weekends, production/distribution companies lower their cut). This is actually the kind of behavior that we see nowadays and it's why the American film industry is in such piss-poor shape relative to where it's been in the past. It still doesn't matter; films are still such cash cows that producers are still swimming in the money (even if each of them can only afford two instead of five ranches now).

 

[JW'sGirl]

I'd start remaking classics. (If Hollywood started doing that it would piss me off). Like how right now they're doing Bonnie and Clyde. I'd do movies like Singing In The Rain or Some Like It Hot or A Philadelphia Story. Classic Romantic Comedies because not only are you bringing in a whole new generation of people to these amazingly well written pieces of art, but you're going to have their parents and grandparents who were fans of the originals. Those fans are then going to want to show their children/grandchildren how amazing the original was and therefore you've now not only got a hit movie at the box office, but you've increased your DVD sales of the original films (this only works if you work for the studio that originally produced this film by the way). That's pretty much what I would do.

Or maybe take an older TV show like Full House (honestly just the first thing that popped into my head ) and maybe try to get the full cast together for an "all grown up" movie.

 

[FSWWE]

I would reboot "Star Wars IV,V,VI"... The first releases delivered, but the truth is that the movie industry is now way better than at 40 years ago.
The quality of the video, the special effects etc makes it better.

Probably the nerd Star Wars community would shit the remakes, but it would still be a blockbuster and It would make a lot of money.
Maybe for some it would be a destruction of a cult movie, but for people who like SW but are not "fanatic" would like to see the remake.

I can't think about the cast now, but I would use Ashley Greene as Princess Leia.
Directed and produced by George Lucas obviously.

 

[King Patrick Star]

Edward Norton as the Hulk
Nicholas Cage as Ghost Rider
Hugh Jackman as Wolverine
Tobey Maguire as Spider-Man

The movie…The “New” Fantastic Four!!

I would take it straight from the comic books and have the original FF appear at the start and end of the movie. That’s a star studded cast!! I think I’d have Danny De Vito play Mole Man.