WZCW Editorial: The Top Table When Kingdom Comes

[Барбоса]

Hot off an epic Lethal Lottery, the road to Kingdom Come has gotten underway. The first stop on this highway was Meltdown 51 but the It'll be interesting to see where things lead after Meltdown 51, perhaps least of all with those who took part in the main event.

As per the stipulations of the Lethal Lottery match, Ty Burna defending his title against Showtime Dave Cougar seems a lock to be at the head of the feast, especially after GM Chuck Myles rejected Barbosa's calls to be granted another shot at the World Title.

However, what matchups will accompany such a fine main course? It would also seem likely that following his treacherous and vicious beating that the gallant was now on a collision course at Kingdom Come with that masked, joy-killing bandito Baez. And while there is no official word yet, it would seem likely that Chris Beckford would not turn down Blade's challenge. Although Brad Bomb may have something to say about that.

However, these developments leave such lords of the ring as Big Dave without an obvious seat at the table while a Barbosa/Everest joust seems less certain now than it did immediately after LL. The most obvious resolution would for these men to be included in the King For A Day match. However, the Baez betrayal, Everest's growing absence and Blade going after Beckford's title has caused another knock on effect in leaving the top table seriously lacking in free chivalry.

With the exception of heroic Reynolds, who could easily find himself in match with the dastardly Constantine instead, and unless Baez/Gordito gets caught up in it, there is the potential for any King For A Day match to be dominated by the unchivalrous with Big Dave, Barbosa, Kravinoff, Phoenix and Constantine all surely on a shortlist for that match. Has there ever been a more retched hive of scum and villany collected in one place in all of WCZW?

Maybe this is the time for another of the young upstarts to make a name for themselves as a knight in shining armour to the fan's damsel in distress and grab a headlining spot at the biggest banquet of the year

Perhaps some of these questions will be addressed on Ascension 26...

The Royal Chamberlain​

 

[Барбоса]

Hear ye, hear ye! Gather round subjects of the high and mighty. The first week has passed in the road to the castle of the Kingdom Come; so has Ascension 26 scaled the battlements of the Kingdom Come III line-up?

The main event was already known to all and sundry before the warlock Ty Burna and the foppish Showtime Dave Cougar crossed the Ts and dotted lower case js... wait, there aren't any in their names... dotted that lower case i's then.

The brave or foolhardy competitors like the God-forsaken Barbosa (why his parents did not expose him at birth is a mystery), the court jester Gordito and the likely mutilated Baez (why else would he be wearing such a ridiculous face covering if he is not the female concubine of a Saracen warrior?) may have been volunteered to face the dragon of the KFAD Elimination Chamber while the Large David and the ever fading Everest (What kind of sorcery can make a mountain vanish? I bet that Merlin Ty has something to do with it... did ye not see him bewitching Everest on Meltdown just as I did?) and the ashen Phoenix (I don't mean he has plague or anthing - God help us if he does - just that he comes from ashes) must get passed the monstrous Kravinoff (he probably lives under a bridge or in a swamp) to enter the Chamber

With such movement let us have a quick look at the current card for Kingdom Come III

WZCW World Heavyweight Title Match
Ty Burna (c) vs Showtime Dave Cougar

King For A Day Elimination Chamber Match
Barbosa vs Gordito vs Baez vs Phoenix/Kravinoff vs Big Dave/Everest vs ???​

Hmmm... a bit scant so far. So did Ascension 26 help we, the down trodden out? I think that that is a resounding no.

However, it does not take a man of my connections to suggest that Christopher Ford of Beck may defend his golden belt against a sharpened Blade after the latter took up the gaunlet cast out in a challenge by the former.

Also it would appear that John Constantine (any relation to the Roman and Byzantine emperors?) is not finished with the amicus pius Avstinvs Reynolds (look it up, you ******ed simpletons). Perhaps the belt until recently held by the dandy will be put between them, but I have the feeling that this potential contest will have little to do with what glistens and be more of a duel to the death...

What do you mean I should know more? Being Royal Chamberlain may have some perks but I am not in a position to gain any real insider information. I am not the Groom of the Stool after all.

There is always next week...

The Royal Chamberlain​

 

[Барбоса]

Greetings fellow inhabitants of the WZCW world!

All roads lead to Kingdom Come and the latest troll-invested bridges to cross are just around the corner as the contests for the next round of jousts have been circulated throughout the kingdom. Seeing as how the grand visiers of this tournai have yet to flesh out the bones of Kingdom Come III, I will have to plough through the multitides of these meetings to try and derive some interest for you, mine loyal followers...

Meltdown LII

Tytus Burna vs 'Emperor' Ioannes Constantinus
The King's Champion takes on the man who thinks himself a prince or a bishop but is in reality more of a pauper and a sinner. However, the Champion should beware the shunned and scorned as they have a tendency to be venomous; although Ioannes might be on the look out for a loyal and friendly assassin...

Bigus Davus vs Chomolungma
Yawneth... this has all been seen before. Is it not 7 contests to 6 in the favour of one or the other? Really, who is keeping count. However, as both have come within a barleycorn of winning Lethal Lottery and becoming King's Champion respectively in recent months, perhaps flogging this dead horse can provide another serviceable joust.

Barbosa vs Doctor Steven Kurtsey
A match up fo this sort truly makes me wonder if civilistation has reached the masses. Surely such an abomination would not continue to garner interest in an enlightened culture? He's like a circus act, albeit a dangerous one. As for his opponent, I straight away question his sophisication and his authority as a doctor due to the ludricous way in which he spells the classical name of Στέφανος. Every quart of blood, every pottle of sweat these two will libate will be would seem to be for not due to their on-going vulgarity but perhaps what better way to make a name for yourself or snatch a place in the KFAD match in a vulgar society?

Christopher, Ford of Beck vs Bradley βόμβος - EurAsian
What is all of this shortening of good (and bad) Christian names? More unnecessary impropriety. At least there is some chivalry left in the world as βόμβος recevies his reward for defeating Ford of Beck at the last joust, except this time it is for the right to be recognised as the Prince's Champion.

Wasabi Toyota vs Steven Holmes vs Jordan Lights
What kind of gather-up is this? An oddity of a foreignor from farthest Cathay, beyond Persia and the Indies, what kind of mammoth barbarian is this? He looks like a strategically shaved bear whose wardrobe is compiled of night clothes and nappies. Another bastardised spelling of Στέφανος, who seems to think himself an English gentleman, but his is mistake as there is no such thing; now Jordan, that is a good Biblical name; pity that he fails to live up to such divine expectations.

Sam Smith vs Mr B***er
Who let the working classes in here? Smith... only one of those from the lowest strata of society could have a name like that... and what is this? Ba... I cannot bring myself to repeat such vulgarity of the highest order. Is there some kind of revolt going on?

Armando Paradyse and Action Saxton vs James King and Dr Alhazred
Another band of misfits. They could probably join the abomination in the circus.

Ascension XXVII

Showtime Dave Cougar vs Michael Winters
Ah, the challenger to the King's Champion has a warm up match. So dandified, foppish and drawn to looks is our challenger that when our Queen drops her hankerchief to begin the main contest at Kingdom Come that Showtime might run to catch it before it falls into the mud (and not in a chivalrous way). His competition should not be over looked for he is a good Christian man, not one swayed by the Calvinist and Methodist protestors of this world but a follower of universal Catholicism - if he has made his solemn and honest confession, he could upset our Champion-in-waiting.

Baez and Blade vs Gordito and Austin Reynolds
Today's enemies are friends on the morrow - never a truer word spoken about the Saracen's Concubine and Sharp Edge. It could depend on which Blade appears - the sneaking dagger or the brutish claymore - whether the Mask can work with the man who defeated him so recently and whether the mild-mannered Little Gordon can keep his temper, somethign which he has had little trouble with... ever. As for pius amicus, he could well spend much of his time looking over his shoulder for an Augutus...

Hunter Kravinoff vs Phoenix
This just gets worse and worse. Another barbarian whose mind has been flummoxed by the ramblings of an equally mentally scarred Moravian and a pagan who uses the nonsensical spell of the firebird to mystify his opponents and himself... and one of these will get a chance at being King For A Day? My hopes for civilisation have been substantially undermined.

Christopher Jones vs Justinus Cooper vs Ferbianus vs Alexander Bowen - Mayhem Title
Another collection of heathens and name shorteners and what kind of mess of a joust not only has four men in it but does not even allow them the constraint of rules? Anyone could win just a match and come away with can only be described as the Peasant's 'Champion'

Scott Hammond vs Doug Crashin vs DK Wilton - Ah, I see what they have done here - the other half of the previous three man contest but quite frankly (what else have you come to expect from me?), I am not impressed... One might say (incorrect mathematically) that this is the lesser of two halves. However, there is enough absurdity and inanity here to perhaps draw a reaction from the audience.

Johnny Sherman vs The Agony
A match between the next generation of a once great house and someone... no, something that sounds like it has escaped from the Tower of London...

And just so they do not feel left out...
Mr Morality vs Julian Castle vs Malcolm O'Neil vs Sean Cruz
This should be called the Forlorn Hope Battle Royale as the winner gets to be the lastest cannon fodder for the more successful contestants. Playboys and pseudo-activists - just what Kingdom Come needs considering we already have our court jesters and circus acts...

My Lord, I thought I had seen the biggest compendium of villainous scum last week but this has surpassed it in every way - uncivilised, cretinous heathens seem to be the order of this journey. Where exactly is this road to Kingdom Come taking us? I want to know so I can avoid it the next time...

Alas there is always next week...

The Royal Chamberlain​