I wasn't gonna do this but holy shit is it an underwhelming, un-engaging card so far for me, I guess it's a form of venting. So here's the deal: I'm gonna cater to WWE's relatively long-term plans, cause I'm a nice guy. But for the sake of my own sanity, I'll be ignoring some of if not all of their booking leading up to the PPV so far. This might be a long post.
Steel Cage Match for the Universal Championship: Brock Lesnar(c) w/Paul Heyman Vs. Braun Strowman
Braun would get his rematch for the title, still determined to take down the beast. There's nothing more to add to the storyline, Braun would claim he won't make the same mistakes again, all that stuff. Brock and Heyman arrange for it to be a steel cage match, with the implication being that Lesnar might be concerned he wouldn't be able to pin Braun again, making him look a bit strong.
I get the feeling WWE's plans are for Brock to hold on for the title for the next few months, so a good finish that wouldn't hurt Braun a lot would be for him to scoop Lesnar up for a running powerslam on the cage. And from there, what you think would happen happens, and Brock ends up retaining.
Instead of portraying it as Braun being a goddamn idiot for doing it, the commentators could play up how he doesn't know his own strength, in the rush of the moment, that kind of stuff. I think it can work.
Or, they can recycle the finish from JBL and Big Show's Barbed Wire Steel Cage match that took place in No Way Out 2005, which I thought was an underrated and clever finish.
RAW Vs. SmackDown 5-on-5 Elimination Match(Male): SmackDown Live: AJ Styles(Captain), Shinsuke Nakamura, Randy Orton, Bobby Roode, Dolph Ziggler Vs. RAW: Roman Reigns(Captain), Finn Balor, Jeff Hardy, Cesaro, Sheamus
Not much to add, the story tells itself. The dynamic of having tension between guys like Jeff Hardy/The Bar, and Ziggler/Roode can be entertaining. They can play up the history AJ and Roman have had, and Nakamura is just like Roode in that he'd recently feuded with Ziggler, and had bouts with Orton.
The reason for having rivals on the same team is the obvious "they're the best we have to offer" deal. Kurt Angle and Daniel Bryan can each be ringside for this match to add more interest.
No DQ Match for the WWE Championship: Jinder Mahal(c) w/Singh Brothers Vs. Shane McMahon
Here's the reality of the situation: Jinder is gonna hold the WWE title for the reminder of 2017, probably, until the India tour in December is over that is. I can't think of a good person to feed him to better than Shane. How would this go about?
The storyline would be Jinder, in all his.. Jinder.. glory, accusing Shane of being a discriminating boss. From there, the feud builds up, leading to a No DQ title match at Survivor Series. There are a number of ways to end this match without really hurting Shane's attraction, not much at least.
The Singh Brothers can interfere, or someone else with a grudge against Shane-O, and Jinder would retain.
Why would this be a No DQ match to begin with? Essentially it's a way for Jinder to actually have a good match, since Shane and weapons/dangerous spots always gets over well. Storyline wise it's done because of how heated the rivalry gets, to the point where Shane just wants to destroy Jinder, despite being well-aware of the consequences like the Singh Brothers interfering being legal.
RAW Women's Chamionship: Alexa Bliss(c) Vs. Asuka
In a perfect world, Askua would have debuted by squashing Emma(sorry, still love ya Emma). Then she'd be granted a title shot at Survivor Series, due to her impressive NXT run and main roster PPV debut. Or, she could win a battle royal, or another sort of number one contender match. You get the idea.
She wouldn't really squash Bliss, who would play a very effective chickenshit heel, avoiding Asuka at all costs and doing things such as stalling, and looking for any sort of distraction or opening. But at the end, Asuka would win, and be a dominating champion. Eventually she can drop it to someone like Sasha Banks to get her back on track as a top babyface.
Intercontinental Championship: The Miz(c) w/Maryse, etc. Vs Samoa Joe
Joe can benefit from an Intercontinental Title reign, and the Intercontinental Title can benefit from Joe after regaining some of its prestige. I think he can be booked as a really strong, dominating tweener champion.
I wouldn't have him destroy The Miz though, not after he's been so impressive. Miz doesn't need the title, he can go on to feud with different people, and possibly even be in the main event title picture again eventually.
RAW Vs. SmackDown 5-on-5 Elimination Match(Female): Becky Lynch(Captain), Naomi, Charlotte, Natalya, Carmella w/James Ellsworth Vs. Sasha Banks(Captain), Bayley, Nia Jax, Mickie James, Alicia Fox
I'll say this, I do like the idea of Becky Lynch being team captain for SmackDown, it keeps her relevant while she's out of the title picture. On the SmackDown side there's also the champion, Natalya, and Ms. MITB, Carmella. Teasing a cash in would be cool, but I feel like some wouldn't expect it, which would make it all the more exciting if it actually does happen mid-match. Could be a mess, I'll admit, but it's an entertaining possibility, and Carmella could drop it before Mania.
Sasha Banks seems more right to me for the RAW team captain, I think she still has some good star power in her that makes her suitable for that role, build up the jealousy with Alicia Fox and maybe have her double cross The Boss.
RAW Vs. SmackDown 2-on-2 Tag Team Match: Seth Rollins And Dean Ambrose Vs. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn
Yeah yeah, this is the obvious indy darling match of the night. But honestly, it would be a fantastic match. An obvious problem, from a storytelling perspective, is that KO and Sami have no loyalty to the blue brand. They shouldn't have. They despite the guys running it.
Then again, that could add some good drama if they can work around it to make it believable. Shane trusts in how talented they are, and maybe even forces himself to get on the same page with them, giving them something they want or promising them a certain thing. Plus, would they really ignore their pride and willingly lose to Ambrose and Rollins? It raises questions and builds interest.
RAW Vs. SmackDown: Bray Wyatt Vs. Tye Dillinger
I think this would be a very solid opening match, between two contrasting personalities. Tye, who really impressed in that U.S. title match triple threat, will be going for brand supremacy. The story for Bray leading up to the match is to destroy an up-and-coming one of our "heroes," destroy hope, all of that good Bray Wyatt stuff, yada yada yada.
I think they can tell a good story and give a good, exciting opener. Bray would go over.
I really wanted to work Baron Corbin into the event(especially since he's the U.S. champion), as well as The Usos and The New Day. As much as it pains me to do so, I'd have to barely fit them into the pre-show if I had to. I'd swap Baron Corbin with Dolph Ziggler in the male SS elimination match, but I just don't think he'd be as interesting in the role.
EDIT: I totally forgot about the cruiserweights(can you blame me?). I guess they'd have to be reduced to a traditional elimination match on the pre-show again.