Monday Night Raw
First monday of January 2008
JR: WELCOME TO THE FIRST RAW OF THE NEW YEAR! Jim ross here sitting next to my broadcast partner Jerry the king lawler!
King: Vince McMahon said He was going to make a huge announcement last night at armageddon, revolving the wwe championship!
Vince Mcmahons music hits, he makes his way to the ring, walking like only he can. He steps in the ring, grabs a microphone and says: Last night at armageddon Batista won against Shawn Michaels in a last man standing match!
The crowd goes wild!
Mcmahon: Since that was Michaels last title shot while batista holds the title, we WILL determine a #1 contender for the WWE Title TONIGHT!
the crowd goes wild again!
McMahon: We are going to have an ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH to determine the contender!
Batista's music hits, he does his little turret thing and makes his way to the ring, grabs a microphone and replies: If you are going to have an Elimination Chamber match, that's fine by me. BUT I get to choose the participants.
McMahon: Who died and made you General Manager?!
Batista: Well Since shane O' Mac and Ashley eloped to california he made ME general manager so I indeed do get to choose the participants!
McMahon: AS SOON AS SHANE COMES BACK HE IS FIRED!!!!
Batista: Whoa, Whoa take it easy, don't get ahead of yourself!
McMahon: YOU TELL ME TO TAKE IT EASY? I COULD FIRE YOU ALONG WITH SHANE!
Batista: you can't fire the champ and the general manager! tell ya what MR. MCMAHON, YOU ARE THE FIRST ENTRANT IN THE ELIMINATION CHAMBER!
Batista's music hits and he walks out of the ring. Mr Mcmahon is standing in the ring in shock.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
The Hardyz' music hits
Lillian: This match is scheduled for onefall, making their way to the ring, at a combined weight of 509 pounds, the hardyz!
Chamillionaire's ridin' dirty hits (since cryme tyme was fired, wwe thought they needed another "hood" tag team so they combined deuce and domino's gimmick with of a "gangster" gimmick)
Deuce and domino drive out to the ring in a "gangster" low-rider and they are dressed like "thugs", cherry is dressed like a "ho"
Lillian: From the other side of the tracks in compton, at a combined weight of 1536 bullets Deuce and domino!
DING DING DING!
Jeff Hardy and Deuce start out this match. They grapple, jeff gets Deuce in a head lock, deuce reverses it and irish whips jeff to the turn buckle, deuce climbs to the first rope and starts punching jeff, deuce gets 4 punches in but jeff counters, jeff goes to the top rope, but cherry distracted the referee and domino knocks jeff off the top rope, deuce hits crack' him in da grill and goes for the pin, but the ref catches deuce putting his legs on the top rope and orders him to take his legs off, deuce and the referee get into a big argument but without deuce seeing, jeff crawls over to matt and tags him in. Matt goes over to deuce, taps him on the shoulder, matt punches him in the face, irish whips him to the ropes dropkicks him, helps him back up then hits the twist o' fate. Matt goes for the pin. domino tries to break it up but Jeff gets into the ring, runs over to domino, clotheslines him and matt gets the 3-count.
Lillian: Your winners: The Hardyz!
after both teams have made their way out of the ring you see Batista talking to CM Punk on the monitor.
CM Punk: After winning the ECW championship last year, I DESERVE to be in the elimination chamber!
Batista: ECW is LONG gone, you are going to prove yourself in another way.
CM Punk: How about I do Silly Contests and Competions to prove That I AM BETTER THAN YOU!
Batista: No, I think that's already been done, how about if you win a match Tonight You can be in the elimination chamber.
CM Punk: Sounds good, whos the match against?
Batista: You'll find out soon enough, because your match is NEXT!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
CM Punk's music hits, he makes his way to the ring, when he enters the ring he does that thing where he jumps up and down and rotates his wrists.
BIG SHOW's music hits, CM Punk has just peed himself, BIG Show waddles to the ring
DING DING DING
Big show picks up cm punk but drops him in disgust because punk wet himself Big show gets out of the ring and is waddling over to a towel to wipe off CM Punk with, but since Big show is so fat by the time he reaches the towel, the ref has counted him out.
Lillian: Your winner, by countout CM PUNK!
big show starts crying and is crawling back to the locker rooms
King: How do you like that for big baby
JR: CM Punk WILL be in the elimination chamber!
CM Punk starts moonwalking because he won, but out of nowhere Mark Henry comes in to the ring, and he HAS a towel! He wraps the towel around CM Punk and World's Strongest Slams Punk, then shoves Punk into his belly-button, never to be seen again!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Mark Henry is talking with Batista
Batista: WOW mark, that really is making an impact, shoving the former ECW champion into your belly button.
Mark: Well, you know what I say, the only reason people breathe is because I let them.
Batista: I concur. I guess you can be in the elimination chamber, but you have to do my laundry for a month.
Mark: GRR!
Batista: Fine. 2 weeks
Mark: I accept your generous offer, good ol' pal batista!
Extreme Expose's music hits, they come out to the ring looking very trashy, they have bruises all over them, Kelly Kelly and brooke have black eyes. And they dance to........ Hit me baby one more time! Layla does her best Britney Spears VMA impression, Then Jillian comes out and starts singing along. Extreme Expose stops dancing, they go over to jillian and they start beating her up. Kelly picks up the mike and says: That's what you get if you mess with our routine, BEYOTCH!
Commercial Break
Lillian:This is a no disqualifiation, Elimination Fatal Four way to see who gets an entry to the elimination chamber match!
John Cena's music hits, Cena is getting heavily booed.
RVD's music hits, he is getting an awesome reaction from the crowd
HBK's music comes on, the crowd is completley silent(the crowd is giving him the silent treatment for losing the match at armageddon against batista)
The Great Khali's music hits, john cena hides under the ring(cena will not be counted out because of no dq)
DING DING DING
The match starts with HBK, RVD and Khali in the ring with cena under the ring. Out of nowhere the great khali double clotheslines HBK and RVD. Khali is making his way over the top rope, to look for cena, but without khali knowing HBK went up to the top rope and hit the elbow on khali knocking him off the edge of the ring. Cena comes out of under the ring with Khali's translator and cena is holding a gun to the translator's head. Cena is shouting at khali: I'll let the translator go if you lay down and let me get the 3- count. The translator has to translate it:
Translator:faalkfjadfjafhafhahahefahahfajkfajfweirhafknd,fghearlaeirthwefaergaerhgaejkfjeargakerghagncbmfghqrtuiartq! fhafakfa! QWERTYUIOASDFGHJKLZXCSAVEUS222VBHNGGJEFAEF
The great khali lays down but when cena covers him, khali locks in his vice grip, KO's cena and pins him 1,2,3! Now that leaves Khali, HBK and RVD. RVD and HBK are trying to double team Khali, but khali locks in his choke grip so he can choke bomb them. But due to the WWE wellness policy, Khali had to get off the "Juice" so he can only choke-bomb one person at a time, Khali picks HBK. RVD slithered outside of the ring while khali was chokebombing HBK and grabs a steel chair. Khali gets the 3-count on HBK. Now its just Khali and RVD. RVD slides into the ring and is baragging khali with steel chair hits. RVD throws khali the chair as if he were setting up for the vandaminator, but since RVD smoked some "doobies" before the match his reaction time is slow, so khali hits RVD on the head with the chair and gets the 3- count
Lillian: The winner of this match, The grrreat KHALIIIIIIIII!!!!
You see batista approaching Kelly Kelly in the locker room
Batista: You really made an impact, sticking it to jillian.
Kelly: Hee Hee, it was nothing really.
Batista: Yes it was, you deserve something...... I know, You can be in the elimination chamber!
Kelly: I don't know, I think I might get hurt.
Batista: I won't take no for an answer! You WILL be in the elimination chamber!
Kelly Kelly has a worried look on her face
Commercial break
You see batista talking to himself in the locker room
Batista: Jeez, the elimination chamber is next and I only have 4 participants
Matt and Jeff Hardy come up
Jeff: I couldn't help over-hearing, you need 2 more participants for the chamber.
Batista: Yes, what are you suggesting
Matt: Isn't it obvious? Me and Jeff in the elimination chamber.
Jeff: Yeah, we deserve to be in there, since we won against gangster deuce and domino.
Batista: Ok fine, but you have to job to lesser tag teams than yourself
Matt: Sounds fair
Commercial break
By the time the break is over, the elimination chamber is in place and it is time to start the match all competitors are in their place the participants are: Vince mcmahon, Mark henry, Kelly Kelly, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, and The Great Khali.
DING DING DING
McMahon and Kelly start it off. McMahon has that weird grin on his face. he signals for kelly to get out of the chamber but then as kelly kelly is walking, Mcmahon grabs her hair and slams her head against the chamber, mcmahon gets kelly on the ground and starts punching her in the face, but then she pokes mcmahon in the eyes, knees him in the groin, and reaches into her pocket, grabs her pepper spray and sprays him in the eyes. At that time Jeff Hardy comes in, slaps kelly in the face, picks her up and puts her in jeffs old waiting place (the thing the wrestlers have to wait in before they are selected for the elimination chamber) and shuts the door. Jeff goes over to McMahon and gets the 3 count. Jeff opens the waiting thing where kelly kelly is, opens up the door and grabs kelly kelly. Little does jeff know that kelly has a pair of scissors hiding in her bra. Kelly pulls out the scissors, and cuts a lock of jeff's hair off. Since jeff loves his hair so much, he fainted at the sight of the lock of hair. Kelly covered jeff 1,2,3. Right after the 3 count Khali was released from his waiting thing. But Khali bumped his head on the roof on the way out and suffered a concussion. Kelly Kelly went for the cover 1,2,3. Now it's just Mark Henry, Matt Hardy and Kelly Kelly. Kelly had some time to kill before the other entrant was released so she started to dance. Matt hardy comes out a minute and a half later, Sucker punched her and covered her 1,2 but she kicked out, matt lifted her up to her feet and gave her the twist of fate and covered her 1,2,3. Matt went over to mark henry's cell and waited for him to be released. As soon as Mark Henry was released Matt speared Mark, and CM Punk popped out of Mark Henrys belly button. Matt Hardy didn't see Punk, and covered Mark Henry 1,2,3. Matt raised his fist in joy, but out of nowhere CM Punk did the GTS on Matt Hardy and covered him 1,2,3.
Batista comes out to sort this out
Batista: CM punk was technically in this match, because I already told him eariler in the show that he was in, so CM PUNK IS THE NEW #1 CONTENDER FOR MY WWE CHAMPIONSHIP!
Batista and CM Punk stare each other down until raw goes off the air.
