Who keeps the ring?

[LSN80]

In my profession, the break-ups I generally deal with are those of the marriage kind. Ones who want to do so as amicably as possible, in order to spare their children, or even themselves, extra drama.

There's a first for everything, and last year, I dealt with an engaged couple that was splitting up. Their biggest reason for coming to me, outside of wanting to remain civil following the split, was the issue of the engagement ring. Both felt they were entitled to it, for different reasons. Something important to keep in mind, perhaps, is that the man broke the engagement from his fiancee'.

The man in the situation, felt that he had given the ring to his fiancee' on the guarantee of a promise, one that was no longer being fulfilled. Since they were no longer fulfilling the terms of that promise, he felt that he should, having paid for the ring, get it back. The woman saw the ring as a gift, no different from the IPad he had bought her for her birthday a few months prior.

I'm not in the business of giving advice, I'm in the business of asking questions to help people come to logical conclusions on their own. So my biggest question was the obvious one: What do you plan on doing with the ring? The man answered that he wanted to sell it, and re-coup some loss, since it no longer served its purpose. The woman wanted to keep it, she said, because she didn't break the engagement.

For now, I'm going to let this go and not share how it played out, and I'll also leave my opinion out of it. For now. I'll just say that there was no cheating involved, the man simply found several "dealbreakers" with the woman once they had moved in together.

When an engagement ends, who should get the ring? Should who broke off the engagement play a factor?

Should extraneous factors such as cheating matter?

 

[Mustang Sally]

The man in the situation, felt that he had given the ring to his fiancee' on the guarantee of a promise, one that was no longer being fulfilled. Since they were no longer fulfilling the terms of that promise, he felt that he should, having paid for the ring, get it back.

That opinion jibes with legal precedents; particularly as dictated by Judge Judy. She says an engagement ring is given in accordance with a promise to marry....and if the wedding doesn't take place, the ring goes back to the one who gave it.

It makes sense. Some women have claimed in court that the ring wasn't given as a symbol of an engagement; it was simply a gift. But engagement rings don't look like other rings and it's usually pretty easy for the judge to determine whether her claim is valid or not.

Besides, if the wedding has been called off, why would the woman want to keep the damn thing, except for the monetary value?

If the two people aren't getting married, the reason for the break-up shouldn't determine whether or not she keeps the ring.

Give it back.

 

[PsychoBlack]

It goes to whoever paid for it. Like the poster above me stated, it's a promise ring of sorts. If the promise is broken then you should give the ring back. The person who received it should give it back just for the simple fact that a lot of disrespect can come with them keeping the ring. Lets say they meet someone else that they want to propose to and give them that same ring. How would you feel if that happened to you? Or lets say that they decided to pawn the ring. You might as well have just thrown any respect that you had for the other person out of the window.

 

[Danger Burger]

Hmm, going back to the olden days and the origins of the engagement ring, I should expect the ring to stay with the woman (or reciever in these modern days).

In the olden days before equality and what-have-you, a womans virginity was a highly sought after thing, especially in seeking a mariage partner, for purity and growing a manly myustache and who knows what else. As such, sexual purity awas a much guarded thing. For men, not so much. Now a womans wealth in life at the time was tied directly to her marriage, and her marriage to her sexual purity, so it was very important. Men, as we the informed wrestling fans know quite well, are fickle and impatient beings. Often the male would want to sleep with his partner long before any vows were said. And as often as not, he would then run away to another state and never be heard from again. Thus the tradition of the engagement ring was founded. A simple gift which could be sold in case the woman was screwed... *cough* In the case the man had run away, the woman could sell the meagre token and symbol of love and try and support herself as best she could. She keeps the ring.

As for nowadays... Why the hell shouldnt she keep it. By the time a marriage proposal rears it ugly head, the askee (or man in this case) should have a fairly good idea of wanting to marry the person. The gift is given. This is doubly true when the man calls off the engagement. I believe it is the norm these days (atleast in all the juicy rom-coms I watch) for the woman to throw her ring at the man in a fit of emotion in the case of her wishing to end the relationship.

So to sum this up in a biblical fashion "He who hath endeth it, hath spendeth it.... Lest there be some undisclosery in the finer details".

 

[Loveless]

All things being equal, Mustang Sally is correct. The ring is given as a promise of marriage after the proposal is accepted, quid pro quo.
The problem comes with the question of who broke the promise. If it's the woman then yep, absolutely the ring has to go back. If it's the guy I don't feel it's as clean cut. Ethically and for the purposes of peace, it's better for everything to return to it's owner.

 

[Kermit]

I'm kind of baffled that the woman would want to keep the ring for anything other than selling it. Surely she wouldn't wear it, because wouldn't that remind her of a love losted and the sad feeling of being lonely? In a movie type of ending I hope that they would begin talking about why she wants to hold onto the ring and then fall in love all over again, but I have a feeling that probably didn't happen. I think the dude deserves it back, but I am going to guess that if the proceeding went on long enough that he would finally just say, "Screw it, keep it."

 

[hatehabsforever]

In my opinion, regardless of the circumstances, the woman keeps the engagement ring. Always. Simple fact of the matter is, the ring was given specifically to that one particular woman with the intention of entering into marriage. The giver of the ring should know that nothing in life comes with an iron clad guarantee, that in proposing marriage and purchasing and giving an engagement ring, there is no certainty that things will work out exactly as planned. In fact, fact of the matter is, nowadays things fail almost as frequently as they succeed, as awful as that sounds. You purchase and give the ring hoping for the best obviously, but prepared to deal with the worst.

The ring was given to the fiancée. It's now hers, hopefully as part of a successful venture into marriage, but hers to do with as she pleases if things don't work out. If your not comfortable with this, don't propose and give the ring in the first place. But if you do, what's done is done.

Why the man would want the ring back in the first place is beyond me. Your not going to give it to someone else, and a second hand engagement ring won't earn squat by being sold, pawned or whatever. Personally, I cannot imagine asking for the ring back, or even accepting it if she were to offer. If things don't work out, lick your wounds and move on. And that includes the financial losses associated with a failed engagement ring.

 

[Dagger Dias]

It depends on who is the one splitting up with the other. The engagement ring is a gift from the man to the woman he proposes to, but if she splits up with him then she should give the ring back to him. She no longer deserves it at that point. He spent his hard earned money on that ring, if she denies him the opportunity to spend his future with her, then why should she get the chance to sell the ring and make money off of breaking his heart? She should be mature about it by telling him she does not want to marry him, give him back the ring and tell him to save it for someone truly special. If he is the one splitting up with her, she should be allowed to keep it. She'd have every right to keep/sell it if that were the case. It was a gift for her and it would be mean of the man to demand it back at that point. To me, whoever broke off the engagement is a crucial factor in deciding whether the woman should keep the ring or not in the event of an ended engagement.

Cheating also makes it complicated. Whether you're married already, engaged, or even just dating.... Unfaithfulness can destroy the relationship quicker than just about anything. If one has been unfaithful to the other and cheated, then they 100% do not deserve rights to the ring if the engagement ends. The ring should go to whoever had their heart in the right place. If both cheated on the other then their actions cancel each other out in terms of determining who should keep the ring, and it would bring us back to who ended the engagement. While not as large of a factor as who the one ending the engagement is, cheating can play a large role as well in determining who I think should be the one to keep the ring if an engagement ends.

 

[Cena's Little Helper]

Dagger Dias is right, and that's the traditional way of viewing what happens to an engagement ring when plans to marry fall through. If the man breaks it off, the woman keeps the ring; if the woman breaks it off, she returns the ring.

 

[Jack-Hammer]

I'm of the opinion that if a marriage isn't going forward, for whatever reason, then the person who paid for the ring should be the one who gets it.

A piece of jewelry that would qualify as a gift would depend on why you're giving it to someone. If it's simply a little token to say "I love you", it's a gift. If you give to your loved something like a ring or necklace or what have you on their birthday or Valentines Day or a special anniversary in the relationship, it's a gift. An engagement ring, however, is not a gift. Aside from being an often lavish & expensive piece of jewelry, it's also a symbolic representation of your intending plans to become man & wife, or life partner & life partner or whatever terms are used for gay couples, under the eyes of God, whichever religion you prefer, and/or under the eyes of the law with all the various rights that goes with it.

If that engagement is broken, for whatever reason, then it doesn't magically transform the ring into a gift or a token of appreciation, at least not in my eyes.