What don't you cheat?

[LSN80]

For most of us in relationships, whether married or dating, we take the committment seriously.Even entertaining the fantasy of doing so, to most, is disrespectful to the person they're with. Temptation is there for just about everyone, whether it be a co-worker, someone at the bar you frequent, or even someone you exchange glances with at the grocery store. In these moments, there is a conflict between gut instincts, and commitment. Gut instincts, which happen with all of us, think it would be great to have sex with that person, now. But soon, our values and commitment take over, and we dismiss the thought, and most remove themselves from situations to avoid temptations.

For all the discussion of 50% of marriages ending in divorce, infidelity in marriage isn't as high as you would think. In fact, in a recent survey done by MSNBC, only 22% of the 70,000 people who completed the survey acknowledged that they've committed adultery. Under 20% of people who completed the survey noted that they were caught, or acknoweldged their cheating. In fact, infidelity isn't the largest reason for divorce in this country, finances are. Hollywood couples skw this mindset for us, as we're inundated on almost a daily basis of celebrity couples announcing their seperations and divorce due to cheating, but data shows that this isn't reflective of most of America. I'm guessing at this point and time, most of you in relationships don't cheat either. So I'm curious as to why.

For me, it's pretty simple. I had this discussion recently with a friend, and one of the things I told her is that I couldn't imagine my life without my wife. On top of that, I can't imagine being with someone else. As absurd as this sounds, if my wife were to die tomorrow, God forbid, I think I'd stay single for the rest of my life. And that is because of the incredible connection I have with my wife. I can't imagine feeling connected in that way with anyone else, ever, so why even try? I know, it sounds corny, but it's truly how I feel. So several questions here:

What keeps or would keep you from cheating on your spouse/partner?

Is there any situation under which you would cheat, and find it justifiable?

Why do you believe people cheat, and what do you think about those who do?

Feel free to answer any and all of the questions, they're just talking points. Discuss this in any way you see fit.

I'll weigh in on the other questions later myself.

 

[Kenny Powers]

Another great thread as always LSN. I've been happily married for the past 4 years and I have had my share of problems with my wife. So many times we have argued we have been close to packing our stuff and leaving one another. We always resolved our issues no matter how heated it gets. We have enough respect for another that we would never lie and go behind each others backs. I feel we have a relationship where we could tell each other problems and if we were sick of each other then we could just get a divorce.

I don't think cheating is justifiable in any circumstance. If you have an open relationship and want to have sex with multiple partners that is one thing, but lying about having a relationship with someone is is another issue. Some people have open relationships where they are honest and have sex with multiple partners even in the same room. That doesn't even bother me. I think even if your partner is a total jerk you can at least give them the common decency to say you don't want to be with them anymore.

I've known people that were in relationships and had sex with married women or some that were married and had sex with other women without telling their wives. I just find it juvenile. A lot of younger guys will talk about how they've had dates with two or three people in one day. Some have even set up dates with two girls without them knowing it. I find it immature and disrespectful.

If I ever to split from my wife then I want to be honest with her. I'm not going to act like a teenager with a hard on. I don't understand why someone would throw away a good relationship for a fling. I guess it is just me.

 

[Fizzy]

What keeps or would keep you from cheating on your spouse/partner?

What keeps me from cheating? My own morals that have been set upon me by my family. Nearly my entire family has set a fantastic example of loyalty to me from a young age. Nobody really gets divorced in my family and we are all incredibly happy people. I feel it dishonors yourself and your family if you cheat on your spouse, it's just not something i'd ever attempt.

Is there any situation under which you would cheat, and find it justifiable?

Nope, never and I don't know why anybody does. It's disrespectful as hell to so many people. I feel people that cheat on their signification others are just low lives, it's stupid.

 

[#hamler]

What keeps or would keep you from cheating on your spouse/partner?
I am not insane. I am not stupid enough to do so. I am not a coward so I'm going to break things off if I feel the need to fuck other women. It's really as simple as that.

Is there any situation under which you would cheat, and find it justifiable?
No. Hell no. It's never justified. Break things off. It will surely hurt less by doing so.

Why do you believe people cheat, and what do you think about those who do?
Because they aren't getting the attention they need from their spouse or significant other. Unless you're in those types of open relationships, cheating on your significant other is just the lowest of lows.

 

[Sparky]

Why don't I cheat? Because I'm having trouble keeping one girl. couldn't imagine maintaining two...


Seriously though I have always been the type of person who couldn't understand why people cheat. I personally never Will and I never have. It's not in me to do it. The way I see it is if you cheat it means you're not happy with the person you're with. so why continue in an unhappy relationship.

What keeps or would keep you from cheating on your spouse/partner?

Common sense. and I love my partner, I get enough sex from her so why seek it elsewhere.

Is there any situation under which you would cheat, and find it justifiable?

No. Drunk, lonely, revenge non of those are valid excuses yet they are used all the time. There is no valid reason at all to cheat on your partner. If you're feeling lonely or have an issue with your partner talk to them about it. Screwing somebody else behind their back isn't going to help anybody.

 

[lenguy]

Where do you draw the line? What constitutes as cheating? Many women have different views. Some will say a simple kiss is cheating, others will go as far as saying that simply looking at another women or thinking about her is cheating. Men are almost universal. If she so much as gets in another bed with another guy its cheating lol. So really, maybe we should lay out the parameters firstly. Then again...if you are just seeking the absolute bare bones of the situation,then.....

Well,okay, it surprises me sometimes but I actually have a great track record for faithfulness,on both sides. I've only cheated once and have only been cheated on once(ironically from the same relationship). I suppose I just know how to pick em...that's just the easy answer though.

My reason for cheating was that the girl I was dating at the time was quite exclusive from much of of the relationship. We had been dating for a few months and hadn't so much kissed one another. She said she was still bouncing back from the previous relationship but I didn't really buy it. For most of the relationship it didn't even feel like we were a couple..more or less mere acquaintances it felt like. Even though I was technically with somebody, I still felt very much alone and unhappy, it was a hollow relationship. I knew that it wouldn't last long and that it never really meant much so I got together one night with another one of my lady friends and after a few drinks one thing lead to another. I'm not going to blame the alcohol,I knew full well what I was doing and made no attempt to still myself. She was there for me while the other was not. I did regret it at first but later I had found out that my supposed girlfriend had cheated on me a week earlier with her previous lover. So after that we split and had no regrets and made no attempt to disparage each other.

We all have urges and temptations. Honestly if it came down to it and you had one opportunity to sleep with that one chick you've always had a thing for or even your movie star crush..who wouldn't want to jump at that? We all have fantasies but everyone is different. I don't consider myself that kind of guy. Even if I really don't care for the person I'm with, I still have enough respect for her and myself to never demean myself and insult her with those kind of actions. Its a rule I try my absolute hardest never to break. However,we are only human and sometimes a moment of weakness will strike. Whenever it may hit, you have only you and you alone to blame.

 

[gurvinder372]

What keeps or would keep you from cheating on your spouse/partner?

Every action has equal and opposite reaction. I guess i am too scared that favor will be returned to me with interest and I may not have anything to fall back on at that time. I guess it has a lot to with my belief in Tit for Tat policy.

Is there any situation under which you would cheat, and find it justifiable?

Nopes, never. I not only find it too heartless, but also stupid. Even in business you don't want your customer base to feel cheated.

Why do you believe people cheat, and what do you think about those who do?

Simply because they don't think it through.

 

[#hamler]

We all have urges and temptations. Honestly if it came down to it and you had one opportunity to sleep with that one chick you've always had a thing for or even your movie star crush..who wouldn't want to jump at that?

I can't speak for everyone else here but I wouldn't. I've got a huge thing for Layla, and I mean huge. But if she was sitting next to me naked with her tits and whatnot all in my face, I still wouldn't cheat. I wouldn't hesitate to inform her that I'm with someone else and I'm not that kind of person. There's no justifiable reason to cheat...like at all. There's no reason I couldn't break things off with my current girlfriend if I ever wanted or felt the need to fuck some other girl. Even if we were growing apart, long distance from one another for a lengthy time, or simply not loving one another anymore, there's no reason for me to do it.

 

[JWGunslinger]

I'm with you on this one LSN, I love my fiancé more than life and I wouldn't have one without her. I couldn't/wouldn't even consider cheating because our love is so strong and the thought of being with someone other than her disgusts me. Even when I am pissed off beyond belief at her the though would cross my mind, there is no situation where I would ever even begin to consider it.

I think that people must do it because they're insecure with themselves and who they are or they simply aren't in a relationship that means enough to them and they don't have the moral fiber that should kick in and stop such an action. I don't understand it, if you're in a relationship whether it's good or bad and theres someone else that you want then why not break up with them? If it's not worth breaking up then don't and don't cheat, I don't care what the situation is, cheating is never acceptable.

 

[lenguy]

I can't speak for everyone else here but I wouldn't. I've got a huge thing for Layla, and I mean huge. But if she was sitting next to me naked with her tits and whatnot all in my face, I still wouldn't cheat. I wouldn't hesitate to inform her that I'm with someone else and I'm not that kind of person. There's no justifiable reason to cheat...like at all. There's no reason I couldn't break things off with my current girlfriend if I ever wanted or felt the need to fuck some other girl. Even if we were growing apart, long distance from one another for a lengthy time, or simply not loving one another anymore, there's no reason for me to do it.

I understand your reasoning. I said what I said because what one person says and what one person does are two completely different things. I give the specific situation because under any realistic circumstances it is very improbable that a situation like that would occur. So the obvious answer would be to say no. At least,if you look at it in a prudent,sensible and respectful manner. I can understand if you have been in a long relationship and have grown quite fond and attached to your significant other, or even in regards to a married partner, the answer might be more,apparent.

Given a situation where you you were in a relationship statues where you were with someone you just didn't care about(for whatever reason). I think a lot of answers might vary. Hamler, you seem to approach this from your own perspective. The point you are overlooking is(although you did point it out)that not all guys are the same. A good portion of them are quite simply put,ravenous perverted pigs. If given the same opportunity I spoke of earlier. I doubt a lot of men out there would pass it up(those ravenous perverted pigs I mentioned).Though I doubt that, of course any single guy free of commitment wouldn't pass up something like that. Even if they were, however unlikely the situation may be, I bet most would still leap at a situation like that, you may only see it offered up once in your life. Then there are the devoted, highly faithful and dependable guys that under no circumstance would they ever be caught behaving in such an infidelity like that. Which is a respectable trait.Then again,I would say you are lying if you had told me that you didn't even consider it, at the very least walk in circles in your mind around the possibility of such an event, However unlikely it may be.

You said there is no justifiable reason to ever cheat and I do agree with you. I'm sure a lot of people do but some just don't care. Justifiable or not,people do it every day,they know its wrong,yet they continue to do it,for whatever reason. I'm just looking at this in a rational manner. By reading or hearing stories,experiencing them first hand or just simply observing. We are not all saints and we are more or less all unfaithful in one way or another. Its a sad fact of life but its the truth. No mans heart beats the same.

This doesn't all just apply to the guys out there. The roles can equally be reversed for any women.

 

[Mustang Sally]

In a given situation, if you're the type who feels an almost uncontrollable urge to have sex with someone other than your spouse or boy(girl)friend, you may pat yourself on the back for resisting the urge, but that the urge is there at all is going to leave you vulnerable to the same thing happening in the future. I say that true love and a solid relationship makes it a certainty that you won't desire sex with someone else in the first place.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying you won't find others attractive; that can't be helped because a marriage license is just a piece of paper; it's existence doesn't cancel out chemistry or biology between people. But that license is a symbol that does (or should) give you pause to think about what you owe your spouse and what you'd be giving up by betraying what the license stands for. You can look, but don't touch.

Here's an illustration: I know of people who consider themselves American patriots to the highest degree....and they regard the American flag as the ultimate instrument with which to prove their loyalty to their country. But when you talk to them, you come to understand that what they love is the flag itself.......they aren't talking about the freedoms and principles the flag represents; what they love is the actual tri-colored piece of cloth that hangs from poles. In other words, they don't understand what it is to be a patriot, they're interested only in showing others that they're patriots.

It's the same thing with relationships between people. I don't consider it loyalty to your partner if you want badly to cheat, but don't do it only because you're worried about getting caught and "having the old lady take me for everything I've got."

That's not loyalty.

Loyalty is keeping your fidelity intact even as you appreciate the beauty of the girl down the street. You can still look to impress your friends by telling them :"Man, I'd like a piece of that!"......but you know you'd never betray the trust and love that's an integral part of your relationship.....you wouldn't even want to. That's loyalty.

In my case, I'll make all the noise I want about Drew McIntyre, but if actually came looking for me, there's no way I'd even consider messing up what I have in my committed relationship.

In other words, my one and only knows that Mama ain't going nowhere.

 

[Police Penis Sucking Goat Fucker]

I have never cheated or would never cheat and I know what it feels like because the last girl I was with cheated on me. It's a terrible feeling when someone you thought you had these strong feelings for just turns their back on you

 

[Dagger Dias]

What keeps or would keep you from cheating on your spouse/partner?

Loyalty, love, and commitment. Even back when I was dating, I was monogamous. I would only be with one person at a time and did not believe in any type of infidelity whatsoever. If you're going to be with someone, why be with them if you're going to be interested in other people? This is something I have always taken very seriously. If you'd like to have multiple partners that you get friendly with, that's your choice, but it can really hurt someone who might want to be with you exclusively if you go that route.

It goes even further once you get married. There's more to it than there would be if you are just dating someone. When I got married I made a decision in front of both of our families that I would be with my wife and no one else, for the rest of our lives. If you truly loved someone then you'd have no hesitation to make such a decision and keep those sacred vows intact. I have no intention of ever breaking my vows.

Is there any situation under which you would cheat, and find it justifiable?

Absolutely not. Marriage is a beautiful and holy bond. Nothing could ever justify betraying your partner by cheating. Even when dating, cheating is never justified. Ever. People make mistakes, I get that, but intentional cheating is one of the most hurtful things you can ever do to someone. That's why I'm 100% against it, no matter what the situation is.

Why do you believe people cheat, and what do you think about those who do?

Impatience, frustration, revenge, and wanting instant satisfaction are possibilities that come to mind. If you feel your partner is not satisfying you, then you owe it to them to have a discussion about it. Cheating is NOT the answer. Honestly, it never is. What if having a little chat about it could save a dying relationship? You'd have to live with the guilt forever of knowing you ended something special when you could have gone about it differently. People make mistakes and any wrongful act is forgiveable, but infidelity ranks toward the very top of the list for me when it comes to things that are difficult to look past.

 

[GI Cake]

What keeps or would keep you from cheating on your spouse/partner?

Two words: Personal experience. After being in a long-term relationship with my first girlfriend, and to find she had cheated on me. It hurt, it hurt a lot. I never felt so jaded and so emotionally wrecked. After spending two whole years completely shutting myself emotionally away from any member of the opposite sex. It took two whole years to get over it, I thought about what I did wrong to cause her to cheat and then it took me two whole years it wasn't me, it was her. Now after a few short relationships, I promised myself I wouldn't cheat on a girl. It's not fair for who you are dating, it's not fair for the girl you are cheating on, and it is not fair for yourself.

Is there any situation under which you would cheat, and find it justifiable?

I hate to pick a black/white opinion on a subject. But I don't think it is right in any case to cheat on somebody. Even if the other person in your relationship cheated on you. Revenge does not solve anything, it just shows you will stoop down to her level because she made it acceptable to do so.

Why do you believe people cheat, and what do you think about those who do?

Now it's hard to think into the mind of a cheater. Not only that, they all have their different reasons for cheating in a relationship. Some do it because they are being ignored sexually by their spouse, some do it because they still have emotions for another person, or in my Ex's girlfriend's reasoning, she grew feelings for her friend.

 

[BK Styles]

What keeps or would keep you from cheating on your spouse/partner?

Love. The corniest answer in the world, I know. But if you truly love someone, you're never going to want to cheat, so if the opportunity to do so ever came up, I wouldn't even consider it. To go with a similar thing Hamler said before, we all have our crushes, be them on celebs or other people. it's human nature, and sometimes you just can't stop it. But a quote my friend once said sums it up best: "Window shopping is harmless, as long as you don't go in and try it on when you have a different model at home."


Is there any situation under which you would cheat, and find it justifiable?

Absolutely not. If I ever found myself in a relationship and found myself attracted to someone else, I'd ask myself why I feel this way, and if it's just because I think this other person is hot, I'd disregard it completely. if it was because I had genuine feelings for this person, then I'd have some serious thinking to do. But I wouldn't cheat. Not only is it just wrong, but it's the ultimate show of disrespect to your partner, a huge slap in the face. And how would I feel if I was cheated on?

Why do you believe people cheat, and what do you think about those who do?

Temptation. Simple as. If you're in a relationship, and someone tempts you away, it's up to how much you care about the other person in your relationship. If you genuinely want to be with them, you'll find the reslove to stay faithful. But, if you have to fight to find the resolve, you need to ask yourself why it wasn't an automatic decision to stay faithful.

Also, if you find out a partner cheats on you. My response to this; get out of the relationship. Not always easy, but as said before, cheating is the ultimate show of disrespect to your partner, and a huge break of trust. Cherating back make you as bad as they are, and won't make you feel better int he long run.

Bottom line, if you're genuinely in love with your partner, you won't cheat. you won't even consider it and doing so shows that there is something wrong in your present relationship. Whatever that problem is, the answer is NEVER cheating.

 

[Nate DaMac]

So no one's cheated on anyone around here? Fine, I'll be the scum I suppose.

I've cheated several times. I've felt guilty most of the time, but sometimes I didn't. It all depended on the girl I was with and how strong the feelings I had for her were vs. whether or not I got caught in the act. Sidenote; I never was caught. I don't want to sound like I'm justifying what I did, I know it's never okay to cheat, but I know why I did it.

I didn't start dating for quite a while. In your younger years, it's hard to get chicks when you're a fat kid. But as I got older and some of the girls became less shallow, I won a few chicks over with the personality and pretty much overnight, I started getting play. Now, being as excited as I was to the prospect of getting girls, I found it extremely hard to turn chicks down. Some of the girls I dated were duds, but 1 of them was one that I was head over heels for. Still, when a chick flirted with me and gave me the signal that she wanted some, very rarely could I turn it down.

These days, I feel like it's out of my system. I've been with my wife for almost 2 years now and I've never cheated. But as much as I hate to say it, I could definitely imagine a scenario occurring that would lead to it. I know it sounds terrible and it should; I'm a shit person. But I'm not going to come in here and lie.

 

[LSN80]

So no one's cheated on anyone around here? Fine, I'll be the scum I suppose.

I never got around to answering the other questions like I said I would, but at least now, you won't have to feel like the loner here.

Is there any situation under which you would cheat, and find it justifiable?

Not anymore, but when I was younger? I was quite good at justifying it. I dated a girl my first three years in college who I was crazy about, and we planned on marrying. Problem was, we went to different colleges, so we didn't see each other but once a month. Yet, I stayed faithful to her the entire three years. The problem? She didn't.

We had no sooner returned for our senior years in college when I got a phone call from her, about two weeks in. She proceded to tell me that she had cheated on me, and we were through. She was leaving me for the guy she had cheated with. It must have worked out, because they got married. But to say I was heartbroken was understating it, I was crushed. I couldn't believe someone who I had just seen two weeks ago, and was balling her eyes out over us going back to seperate schools, could do that. I'm long over it now, but it sucks now and then, because I still have to see her from time to time. My little sister married her younger brother.

At that point, my reasoning for cheating was simple: If I couldn't trust the most honest and decent person I had ever known to not cheat, who could I trust? For the next 3 years or so, I always made sure I had a back-up girl. Despite getting into several serious relationships, I cheated on each of them. I was scared of being alone, and going through a similar situation ever again, so I always made sure there was a girl I had on the string just in case. To justify it further, I would start fights with my girlfriend at the time, leading to us "taking a break." Why? Because there was someone else I wanted to sleep with.

Why do you believe people cheat, and what do you think about those who do?

I cheated for three reasons. One, I was incredibly insecure. Despite how I projected myself on the outside, I was incredibly insecure after the debacle with my college girlfriend. Two, it was coming from an incredible place of hurt that I was avoiding. Instead of dealing with the heartbreak, I did what she did, and much worse. I knew going into a relationship I would cheat. But because I was so callous and cold, I didn't care. I truly avoided the thoughts that crept in that I was causing the same pain to others that I had gone through.

Thirdly, the opportunity was there. I started working in the Mental Health field at 22, and started graduate school the same. Simply put, the Mental Health field is dominated by females. In my Master's studies, I was the only male enrolled in a 25 person program. So with both people from work, and from school, the opportunity was there, and I selfishly took it.

What do you think about those who do?

The LSN of ages 22-24 was a selfish piece of crap. I try to live with no regrets, but I do feel badly for those who I hurt. I look back and find myself disgusted with the person that I was, because while I preached fidelity and ways to solidify relationships with clients, I selfishly tore my own apart.

Working closely with people who have cheated, I have an understanding as to why they've cheated. But to me, the reasons aren't good enough. If you truly love someone, you wouldn't do something purposefully that would hurt them should they find out. If you don't love that person, end things with them before sleeping with someone else.

I'm not placing the blame on my college girl for the things I did, they were my actions, and I take 100% responsibility. However, I do wish she would have ended things first, and not informed me of the other guy. It started a vicious cycle I went through for 3 years, but it was one I was responsible for allowing that cycle to grow. I was a very immoral person during that time, and I disliked myself immensely as well. I'm just thankful that the person I was is in the past, but still a memory, lest I ever think of becoming him again. I haven't cheated on my wife of four years, and even if she wasn't the most kickass wife ever(which she totally is), I've grown so much as a person that I'd never consider it, under any circumstances.

 

[Trill Co$by]

A bit old, but still front page so I'll reply... Nice thread here LSN80 (what else is new?)


What keeps or would keep you from cheating on your spouse/partner?

Pain. My ex-girlfriend and I had a child together, and to me, that was basically like signing our lives together forever. Until we both started growing apart. Of course, we tried to stay together and we tried to work it out... but we couldn't work past the amount of pain we caused each other from our constant cheating. So finally, we just split and went with her having full custody and me paying child support and visitation rights until I gained partial custody just last month.

But the point is that with my current girlfriend, I stay faithful because she is everything I ever wanted in a woman and I don't want to cause her pain... especially after knowing how it feels. Plus, my second child is on her way (first daughter, yay me!).

Is there any situation under which you would cheat, and find it justifiable?

Not really... LSN80, I understand that your college self had a lot of reasons to feel the way you did but at the end of the day, relationships are based on trust. Even me, coming from a relationship where constant cheating was just everything, it still didn't feel right you know? If I love someone, what purpose is there for me to cheat? If I don't love someone, what purpose is there for me to stay and still cheat?

I had my son to think about, and for the longest time, I did. That's when we went to court over him... twice.

Why do you believe people cheat, and what do you think about those who do?

I'm not saying people who cheat are bad people... just made bad choices. I don't believe in sexual addictions, but that's a different discussion (hint hint there LSN80 ). But at the same time, I think those people really should think more.

Even I should've way back when. In the end, what purpose does it serve to really hurt yourself and ones you claim to love? There's never anything good to come of it, so why worry?