klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Summerslam buyrates are in and they're not good. They're approximately 50,000 buys lower than last years (350,000 in 2010) which I'm sure WWE will find another way to blame other than the price and all that jazz.
Smackdown got a 2.3, tied for their highest since moving to SyFy. Who saw that coming?
Monday Night Raw
Date: September 26, 2011
Location: Sprint Center, Kansas City, Missouri
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Booker T
Since we're 8 days removed from Night of Champions and the WWE is stupid, this is the last Raw before Hell in a Cell. The main event is already set so I'd expect a lot of stuff being added in to fill up the midcard tonight. Also we should probably get some more on the firings of R-Truth and Miz tonight as we got some advancement in the whole big story last week. Let's get to it.
Booker is in on commentary instead of Jerry due to Henry's attack last week.
The Cell is hanging above the ring.
Alberto vs. Punk in the main event tonight.
Here's HHH to open things up to a big ovation. He wants to explain the firings last week. The firings were due to this, and we throw it to a video about Truth and Miz freaking out post Night of Champions and about the events of the PPV and last week. After the video HHH says he didn't buy the apology but he used them for one more main event then fired them. The fine however will still be paid but by Mark Henry for his attacks last week.
HHH says no one is bigger than the WWE and he'll always do what is right for the company...and here are Vickie and Dolph. Dolph complains about getting his jaw broken by Hugh Jackman and the headlines on news sites because of it. He wants to know what HHH plans to do about it. HHH takes some not so subtle shots at Dolph and offers Dolph security for when the Muppets are here next month.
Cue Cody Rhodes who complains about Orton hitting him with the bell in the head and needing 9 staples to close it. Why wasn't Orton fired or fined? HHH talks about how a few years ago Orton attacked his wife while HHH was handcuffed (nice touch by pointing out that Rhodes was there helping) and then he beat up Orton on Orton's front line. Rhodes needs to man up. This draws out Christian who says HE was wronged the most by Sheamus for throwing him back into the ring against Henry. It was a lumberjack match idiot.
Christian threatens a huge lawsuit but won't do it for the sake of one more match. That's what Christian will get. At HIAC he's getting one more match, but it's against Sheamus. This Friday Christian gets one more match against Randy Orton. Tonight Christian gets one more match against John Cena. Is it for the title? No. Christian freaks out and leaves.
Ziggler yells some more and is told he has to defend the US Title tonight against Ryder. HHH says WOO WOO WOO You Know It. Cody is the last one in the ring and HHH gives him the night off. Cody says give yourself the night off. HHH doesn't like this and says Cody is defending tonight. Every time Cody complains the match is upgraded. It goes from a triple threat to a fatal fourway to a ten man battle royal in about 15 seconds. The battle royal is up next. Cool.
Intercontinental Title: Battle Royal
Cody Rhodes, John Morrison, Ezekiel Jackson, Drew McIntyre, Sin Cara, Ted DiBiase, Alex Riley, Daniel Bryan, Sheamus, Justin Gabriel
Cara gets an entrance and it's the original blonde. Good pop for Sheamus and those are the only two who get entrances. Cody hits the floor quickly and Drew is beaten down and tossed in about 15 seconds. The other Sin Car comes in and takes the original's place. Bryan tosses him a second later so we're down to 8 in less than a minute. The original hits a rana off the steps to the fake one but isn't allowed to go back in.
Cody is back in the ring now and Ted is all over him. Gabriel skins the cat and pulls Riley to the apron with him. Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick but takes Riley out anyway. A double axe puts Gabriel out and we're down to six. Make that four as Jackson throws out Bryan and Morrison in a double backdrop. Sheamus and Jackson (Legacy are the other two remaining guys) go at it in the big brawl and Jackson is beaten down quickly.
Ted tries to sneak in with Dream Street but gets put on the top rope and knocked out. Beautiful Disaster puts down Sheamus but Jackson throws Rhodes....to the apron. Jackson charges like an idiot and is tossed to get us down to Rhodes vs. Sheamus. Sheamus gets ready for the Cross but Christian comes out for the distraction. Cody can't toss Sheamus in the distraction though so Sheamus tries a Brogue Kick and gets caught on the apron. Cody takes the mask off but Sheamus gets a shot in to block it. Christian distracts him though and a mask shot ends Sheamus at 4:34 for Cody to retain.
Christian rams Sheamus' arm into the post and yells a lot.
We get a clip of Henry beating Jerry down last week.
David Otunga says that he's got a law degree (and he has the bowtie to prove it) and Johnny Ace says maybe he should do something about the safety of people.
Video on Kelly Kelly.
Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres vs. Natalya/Beth Phoenix
Eve has changed her hair and it's not working for me as bangs are never my thing. Beth and Eve get us started but it's off to Natalya quickly who interlocks her legs with Eve's and rolls her over so that their legs are both up in the air and it's torquing her back and neck. That looks awesome. Back to Beth and off to Kelly who does her usual stuff including a spank and the screaming headscissors. Eve misses a charge but Kelly throws Natalya out anyway. Beth gets the Glam Slam and we're done at 3:17.
Mark Henry vs. Great Khali
Khali only weighs 350lbs now. Before the match Henry hits Khali in the head with the world title and hits him with the Slam. Henry yells a lot and leaves while only sweating a few buckets, which is normal for him. No match.
Here's Cena to get into the Cell which is halfway lowered. The fans pop big for Cena holding up the title. He talks about how this Sunday he's going to hell and it's going to be the first triple threat ever in the Cell. Cena talks about how this Sunday he's going to use the Cell as a problem solver to prove he's the best. He plays up the brutality of the match and says he doesn't lose it Sunday.
This brings out Alberto as well as Punk in a sports coat for commentary on the next match.
John Cena vs. Christian
Yes we have 5 people on commentary tonight. Christian is launched into the ceiling quickly and Punk argues with Alberto almost immediately. Alberto yells and Punk says Alberto is half naked. Christian takes over with high impact stuff but misses a swan dive. Cena fires off the shoulders but the Proto Bomb is countered. Killswitch doesn't work either and there's the Bomb. There's the Shuffle but Christian runs before the AA can hit. They go to the floor and onto the table where Alberto jumps Punk. Christian gets a shot in on Cena but runs into the AA. And here's Alberto for the DQ at 3:20.
US Title: Zack Ryder vs. Dolph Ziggler
If this actually happens....I can't say I'd really be complaining. Before the match we get a recap of last week's Jackman stuff. Ziggler goes right at him and Ryder is in trouble. Swagger is at ringside too. A splash in the corner misses for Dolph and his head cracks the buckle. Ryder pounds him down and does the Woo Woo Woo kick in the corner. Vickie is on the apron and the Rough Ryder misses. Swagger clotheslines Ryder on the ropes and the Zig Zag keeps the title on Ziggler at 2:03.
Post match the Vickie Family tries to beat Ryder down but Air Boom's pyro messes up and they run out for the save. Teddy Long comes out and makes a six man. Vickie has until after the commercial to find a third man. If she can't, it's a handicap match.
Air Boom/Zack Ryder vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger
There's no third man nor Vickie when we come back so it's 3-2. Swagger vs. Kofi to get us going and Kofi takes over quickly. Off to Bourne who doesn't do as well because he's Evan Bourne and it's his job to be destroyed a lot. Swagger goes way old school and hooks on the Rings of Saturn. Kofi comes in off a hot tag and hits a cross body which isn't nearly as good as most of his usual ones.
He does the jumping ten punches in the corner to Swagger and Vickie comes back with Mason Ryan with longer hair. Do was have a Vickie Family now? The African escapes a German from the All-American and brings in Ryder. Ryder gets to meet Ryan....who beats up Swagger instead and tags in Ziggler by slamming him into the ring. A spinning release Rock Bottom leaves Ziggler dead and the Rough Ryder pins Ziggler at 6:31.
Video on the Cell which we saw last week.
We run down the PPV card and Kelly defends against Beth again. JR: Beth finally gets her opportunity. I'm leaving that one alone.
Otunga talks to Christian, Vickie, Dolph and Cody about a lawsuit and says it's important they're all together in this.
Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk
Cena is out for commentary. CM pounds him down quickly and we head to the floor. Punk throws Del Rio in Cena's direction and Johnny isn't thrilled with it. Back inside Alberto takes Punk's head off with a kick to take over. This is more of a brawl than a match. Punk pounds him down in the corner and then fires off the knee lifts. Del Rio lands an enziguri to send Punk to the floor and we take a break.
Back with Del Rio escaping the GTS and getting two on a DDT. A kick to the head gets two and it's time for arm work. Punk's arm goes into the post and a dropkick gets two. Del Rio is sent to the floor and Ricardo freaks. Back in a big kick misses for Punk and Del Rio stuns the arm. It's good that he's showing psychology here which is something you rarely miss with Del Rio. That's such a nice breath of air.
They slug it out and Punk sells the arm by shaking it a bit. A leg lariat/kick to the face takes Del Rio down and there's the knee/bulldog combination but the bulldog is countered. A Codebreaker to the arm gets two and Alberto is fired up. Punk fires off some kicks and that's enough for the pin (yes, a non-finisher got a pin) at 12:02.
The Cell lowers and Ricardo is trapped inside with all three of them. He takes both finishers and the Super Best Friends escape finishers before Del Rio smacks them both with a chair and lays them out.
Results
Cody Rhodes won a battle royal last eliminating Sheamus
Natlya/Beth Phoenix b. Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres Glam Slam to Kelly Kelly
John Cena b. Christian via disqualification when Alberto Del Rio interfered
Dolph Ziggler b. Zach Ryder Zig Zag
Air Boom/Zack Ryder b. Jack Swagger/Dolph Ziggler/Mason Ryan Rough Ryder to Ziggler
CM Punk b. Alberto Del Rio High Kick
Tuesday
NXT
Date: September 27, 2011
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Jack Korpela, William Regal
Another week here and after the last two weeks I'm assuming that it's time for the Usos to face JTG and Young in what Gorilla Monsoon would call a main event in any arena in the country except the one we're in now where it's a filler match 2 spots down on the card because it's a pair of teams that not many people care about. Also I'm sure Maxine and Bateman will try to further the split of Horny and AJ because....because....because that's what bad people on an internet wrestling show do. Let's get to it.
JTG and Young open the show and I still want to hurt JTG. Regal: You know I absolutely hate him. Young calls JTG a tag team specialist and they go over their tag team success here. They talk about winning NXT and then the tag titles but the Usos interrupt. They actually get to talk and no one seems that interested. We get clips of both Uso attacks after the wins by Team Annoying. The Usos talk about the Samoan heritage and how great at tag team stuff the Samoans are. Fan: SHAD WAS BETTER! JTG says the Samoans were a joke and gets chased to the floor. The tag match is mentioned.
Yoshi Tatsu vs. Jinder Mahal
Yep it's officially the minor league show and not about a competition anymore. Yoshi's music doesn't really fit with the new look. Regal says he was at Mahal's christening 25 years ago and was rivals with Mahal's dad. We hear about how Yoshi was squashed by Mahal about two months ago and got some teeth knocked out in the process. I remember that match and if this isn't better than that one, that says a lot.
Yoshi takes over with a headlock but a suplex gets Mahal out of trouble. A chinlock eats up a few seconds and Mahal takes over. Korpela: What would your strategy be if you were Yoshi? Regal: Win the match. You can't buy this kind of analysis people. Regal follows that up by talking about Mahal's uncle, the Indian Karaoke Champion: Getupta Singh. Back to the chinlock. A kick by Yoshi gets two. The Indian hits a Samoan on the Japanese but it gets reversed into a crucifix for two.
They go up to the corner and Yoshi blocks a superplex. Tatsu tries a dive as Regal talks about how you have to be a special kind of man to headbutt someone. Yes you do, but it takes a more special man to Coco Butt someone. As Yoshi is getting up he gets caught in the full nelson slam for the pin at 6:07.
Video on the Cell.
And now from that to something completely different as Horny is looking for AJ and has a note for her. Maxine tries to tell him that AJ is with Titus but Horny shushes her. Horny finds Titus and AJ (score one for Maxine) and the note (read by Titus for some reason) is a very poetic letter (it talks about being a boat tethered in a storm and stuff like that), basically saying that Horny is leaving NXT for Smackdown. AJ is sad but uh...isn't she on Smackdown too? Horny leaves all sad and AJ points out just that: she's on Smackdown too. I believe that officially eliminates all the remaining Pros.
Percy Watson vs. Tyson Kidd
Regal talks about how Punk winning would mean he has no more worlds left to conquer because he'd be WWE Champion. My face actually scrunched up and I looked up from my computer in a state of confusion over that one. Kidd speeds things up to start but Watson (much better without the glasses and OH YEAH) hits a dropkick for two. Korpela says everyone is talking about Watson's vertical leap. Today I talked about how the Monopoly game is back at McDonald's which means the McRib is back soon, but that's just me.
Back in after a quick bit on the floor and Tyson hooks a chinlock. He shouts to the crowd and they don't shout back. A belly to back breaks the hold up and both guys are down. Watson hits another dropkick and a clothesline in the corner. A spinning splash gets two as Regal makes fun of JTG a little more. Kidd hits something like a spinning neckbreaker that has a long name including the word moss that I don't feel like typing and a springboard elbow for the pin at 4:12.
Mahal says not to talk about Khali because he's the only one that matters. Most of this isn't in English so it's hard to really get what's going on. I think he says eat more chicken. His eyes are all freaky looking. Tonight he's returning to greatness.
Usos vs. JTG/Darren Young
Why does no one jump the Usos during that dance thing they do? I mean....it wouldn't be that hard. JTG vs. let's say Jimmy (like I can tell them apart) to start us off. I was watching the 88 Great American Bash and turned off Fantastics vs. Midnight Express for this. I have a feeling this isn't going to be as good. Jimmy hits a northern lights suplex as we're told that JTG never won a tag title despite being in a (not named) popular tag team.
Korpela talks about how there's still a competition and says it's about being the next break out star. There's no mention of being on Season Six now. I think my blood pressure just dropped down to healthy. I think that's Jimmy getting beaten down but I don't particularly care enough to remember which has the chest tattoo. Hot tag brings in Jey who kicks and punches a lot. Young manages to grab a belly to back to Jimmy (I had them wrong) on the apron to shift momentum as we take a break.
Back with JTG coming in to pound on I guess Jimmy. After a long chinlock, Jey breaks up a cover and it's off to Young. Regal explains the point of the rapid covers that don't work as he says Young knows it's not going to get a pin but it'll drain Jimmy a lot. See, THAT is what an analyst is there for. He knows what he's talking about because he's been in there. It's a lot better than saying someone is in the Fave Five which has about 27 people per week.
Jimmy's back is worked on and Young sends him into the corner for two. Has anyone ever been pinned off an Irish Whip? Young slaps away at the back and hits a chinlock again, this time with the knee in the back. Maybe he did learn something in Nexus. Regal talks about how Young is working on the back. Korpela: Good point. Regal: I know. Jimmy breaks up the chinlock but JTG gets a tag to break it up again.
To my great surprise, this hasn't been a very bad tag match. It's amazing what random guys can do when they're thrown out there and allowed some time to develop and get experience isn't it? Jimmy sends JTG flying with something called an Alley-Us (I'd call it a flip but what do I know?). Either way it gets the tag in to Jey and the lower half of the house is cleaned. He hits the running Umaga smash to the face in the corner which Korpela says is shades of Rikishi and a double superkick sets up the superfly splash to Young for the pin at 11:23.
Post match the Usos celebrate but Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins run in for an attack. Again, that is almost territory style as you bring in whatever random talent you can find for a quick feud/program with someone else after another program is over.
Results
Jinder Mahal b. Yoshi Tatsu Full Nelson Slam
Tyson Kidd b. Percy Watson Springboard Elbow
Usos b. Darren Young/JTG Top rope splash to Young
Wednesday
Rey Mysterio has to have another knee surgery. The first was supposed to keep him out for 6-9 months. No word yet on how long this one is going to last in total now.
Thursday
Jimmy Uso was arrested for DUI. There goes their push.
Impact Wrestling
Date: September 29, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
After this week we move off to Knoxville for two weeks and then it's Philadelphia for Bound For Glory. Tonight we're going to hear that it's Hogan's retirement which is a big announcement and a spoiler but by the time this is posted it'll be fair game. Anyway other than that there's a five way ladder match which will be lucky to go six minutes. Let's get to it.
Sting is here to open the show and he calls out Roode. It's the same stuff you would expect: Sting says he's awesome and can beat Angle, Roode says he'll do his best and that it means a lot and says that Sting needs to beat Hogan. Here's AJ to say take care of things and go become world champion because you might never get another shot. Here's Angle who says if AJ wins tonight he'll get a shot at the title. This felt really rushed for some reason.
Hogan is here and is looking nervous.
Alex Shelley vs. Brian Kendrick vs. Zima Ion vs. Kid Kash vs. Jesse Sorensen
This is a ladder match and the winner gets the shot at Aries at BFG. Aries is on commentary and says he wants to face Kash. It's your usual insane match with all the people doing everything they can. There's a chair brought in and Sorensen is dropped onto the ladder by Kash and looks like he was shot. Kash goes up but Kendrick makes the save. Tazz: Austin what would you do in this match? Aries: Climb the ladder as fast as I could.
Ion takes Kendrick out with a moonsault to the floor and no one is really trying to go up. Shelley kicks Kash down and makes a run up but takes forever because it's a wrestling match involving a ladder and Ion makes the save. BIG chop by Kash to Ion and Aries says maybe he doesn't want to face him. Ion gets countered and Sorensen puts him into the ladder. Kash goes up but is taken down by Kendrick. Kendrick and Shelley go up at the same time but Kendrick knocks him down and wins at 5:45. Nice to see them expanding the title feuds.
Kaz is talking about the Roode/Styles match when the Jarretts come in and say get to the ring now.
Flair is on the phone and is upset about something. He wants to be part of a decision that is being made and is coming to someone's office.
Here are the Jarretts and they call out Kaz and tell him to bring Traci with him. Jeff gets in his face, talking about how he gave Kaz a job and how Kaz went to the WWE and then Jeff let him come back and then left again and Jeff let him back in again. He insults Traci a bit and they almost get into it but referees and agents come out. Jeff threatens to fire them because he can I guess and another brawl starts up. Gunner comes in and leaves Kaz laying with an F5.
We recap last week's thing with Ink Inc and Mexican america with the tattoo raping.
Hernandez vs. Jesse Neal
Mexican America jumps Ink Inc and we're told that Hernandez hurt Neal which is why we haven't seen them lately. Well that's better than nothing. The beatdown goes on for awhile and the bell hasn't rang yet. Anarquia and Moore are in the ring and Moore gets crushed by a splash. Here's one for Neal also and the Mexicans stand tall. They spray pain MA on both of their backs and it's 1996 all over again. No match. Hernandez's splashes looked great.
Ray says he knows what Hogan is going to say and says he was the first one that Hogan told about it.
Storm says if Roode wins, Storm will be winning with them because they're a team.
Flair rants to Hogan about what Hogan is going to do and says it'll change the business. Whatever it is, it's not a good decision.
We recap Tara vs. Madison Rayne which started back at Sacrifice 2010 where Tara put her career up for a title shot. Then Tara came back with Madison because I guess Madison had the authority to break the contract. Tara rebelled against Madison and won her freedom. Do we really need a year plus recap for a TV match where you get a spot in a title match?
Crimson is here just as he promised he would be.
Madison Rayne vs. Tara
This is a qualifying match to be in the Knockouts Title match with Mickie and Winter and whoever else is the final person. By the way, total time from the end of the ladder match to the bell for this: 33:54. Madison hits on Earl and screams a lot. Tara grabs her hand and bends the finger back, making Madison tap but it doesn't count I guess. I have a feeling we're in a comedy match.
Tara takes it to the mat with a headlock takeover and Madison keeps carressing Earl. Madison uses the distraction to take over with a right hand and beats on her in the corner. She does the hump the mat spot and hits on Earl AGAIN. That's about 8 times now. Madison cheats to escape a chokebomb by hitting Earl so Earl says kill her. Release chokebomb hits Madison but Rayne escapes the Widow's Peak and rolls her up with the feet on the ropes at 4:43.
Daniels says he wouldn't want to face AJ again at BFG because there's no point. The match is happening it seems and Daniels says if he beats AJ again it would be a kick in the nuts, which makes him chuckle.
Here's Crimson after having his leg broken or something similar to that by Joe. He wants Joe out here right now to settle this. Joe appears and says he's allowed Crimson to be here and to continue his farce of an undefeated streak. Without Crimson, who else is going to be Joe's female dog? Crimson charges and the brawl is on. Joe goes to the ankle and kicks Crimson low and into the ring we go. He puts on the leg bar until Matt Morgan comes out to make a save. Morgan helps Crimson up.
AJ is ready for Roode but they're cool.
D'Angelo Dinero vs. Mr. Anderson
Just 19:37 between bells this time so they're improving. Feeling out process to start as this is the always rare face vs. face match. They do nothing of note for awhile until they head to the floor and Anderson pulls back to punch Pope. D-Von's kids grab his arm and Pope misses a charge into the railing. Anderson goes into the ring and Ray pops up with a kendo stick. Pope comes in and gets the pin at 4:12. D-Von came down to yell at his kids.
Roode is ready.
D-Von yells at his kids and Pope. D-Von is training his kids to be wrestlers it seems. Pope says chill and D-Von yells at his kids more, saying he calls the shots and says when for the kids to jump.
We get one of those serious videos about Roode training for his one match and how he's given up so much for his family and his dream and all that jazz.
AJ Styles vs. Robert Roode
Just 12 and a half minutes this time. LONG headlock by AJ to eat up some time and then a dropkick gets two. Off to another headlock as I think it's one of those big matches where they do very basic stuff but nothing actually comes out of it. AJ tries the springboard but gets caught in an over the shoulder gutbuster for two, injuring Bobby's leg. They go to the floor and once that goes nowhere, AJ puts on a bridging Indian Deathlock to work on the knee a bit more.
They continue with this slow pace and it's ok but it's not much to watch, especially after how boring the rest of the show has been. Roode knocks him off the top but gets caught by the springboard forearm for two. Here's the springboard 450 but Roode moves. Styles Clash is blocked twice, the second time into a sunsef flip for two. Pele misses and Roode grabs the Crossface and AJ taps at 8:32.
AJ praises Roode and says he's going to be the next champion. This takes forever and AJ says he wants a shot. Roode says ok.
Here's Hogan for the big announcement. He talks about how he's been soul searching recently and started thinking about how the Hulk Hogan run has been awesome. He talks about Hiro Matsuda breaking his leg when he started training and how he came from the beginning to the match with Andre and how many times he sold out MSG and all those big matches. Sting is watching in the back.
Hulkamania could go on forever. Then he had a chance of a lifetime: to come to Impact Wrestling and make a difference. He saw a bunch of hungry eyes and now they're all stepping up. Every moment has been worth it and Sting is still watching. He (Sting) talks about Suburban Commando and says Hogan is a great actor.
Hogan says this is the end of the road and he's retiring. He wants to thank the Impact Zone fans because they're the important ones. Even his wife hasn't heard this yet. But Flair and Bully Ray have? The fans are always with him and he's leaving. Next week will be the formal announcement and it'll be a big celebration of Hulk next week. Sting doesn't buy it.
Results
Brian Kendrick b. Kid Kash, Alex Shelley, Zima Ion and Jesse Sorensen Kendrick pulled down the contract
Madison Rayne b. Tara Rollup
D'Angelo Dinero b. Mr. Anderson Pin after Bully Ray hit Anderson with a kendo stick
Robert Roode b. AJ Styles Crossface
Summerslam buyrates are in and they're not good. They're approximately 50,000 buys lower than last years (350,000 in 2010) which I'm sure WWE will find another way to blame other than the price and all that jazz.
Smackdown got a 2.3, tied for their highest since moving to SyFy. Who saw that coming?
Monday Night Raw
Date: September 26, 2011
Location: Sprint Center, Kansas City, Missouri
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Booker T
Since we're 8 days removed from Night of Champions and the WWE is stupid, this is the last Raw before Hell in a Cell. The main event is already set so I'd expect a lot of stuff being added in to fill up the midcard tonight. Also we should probably get some more on the firings of R-Truth and Miz tonight as we got some advancement in the whole big story last week. Let's get to it.
Booker is in on commentary instead of Jerry due to Henry's attack last week.
The Cell is hanging above the ring.
Alberto vs. Punk in the main event tonight.
Here's HHH to open things up to a big ovation. He wants to explain the firings last week. The firings were due to this, and we throw it to a video about Truth and Miz freaking out post Night of Champions and about the events of the PPV and last week. After the video HHH says he didn't buy the apology but he used them for one more main event then fired them. The fine however will still be paid but by Mark Henry for his attacks last week.
HHH says no one is bigger than the WWE and he'll always do what is right for the company...and here are Vickie and Dolph. Dolph complains about getting his jaw broken by Hugh Jackman and the headlines on news sites because of it. He wants to know what HHH plans to do about it. HHH takes some not so subtle shots at Dolph and offers Dolph security for when the Muppets are here next month.
Cue Cody Rhodes who complains about Orton hitting him with the bell in the head and needing 9 staples to close it. Why wasn't Orton fired or fined? HHH talks about how a few years ago Orton attacked his wife while HHH was handcuffed (nice touch by pointing out that Rhodes was there helping) and then he beat up Orton on Orton's front line. Rhodes needs to man up. This draws out Christian who says HE was wronged the most by Sheamus for throwing him back into the ring against Henry. It was a lumberjack match idiot.
Christian threatens a huge lawsuit but won't do it for the sake of one more match. That's what Christian will get. At HIAC he's getting one more match, but it's against Sheamus. This Friday Christian gets one more match against Randy Orton. Tonight Christian gets one more match against John Cena. Is it for the title? No. Christian freaks out and leaves.
Ziggler yells some more and is told he has to defend the US Title tonight against Ryder. HHH says WOO WOO WOO You Know It. Cody is the last one in the ring and HHH gives him the night off. Cody says give yourself the night off. HHH doesn't like this and says Cody is defending tonight. Every time Cody complains the match is upgraded. It goes from a triple threat to a fatal fourway to a ten man battle royal in about 15 seconds. The battle royal is up next. Cool.
Intercontinental Title: Battle Royal
Cody Rhodes, John Morrison, Ezekiel Jackson, Drew McIntyre, Sin Cara, Ted DiBiase, Alex Riley, Daniel Bryan, Sheamus, Justin Gabriel
Cara gets an entrance and it's the original blonde. Good pop for Sheamus and those are the only two who get entrances. Cody hits the floor quickly and Drew is beaten down and tossed in about 15 seconds. The other Sin Car comes in and takes the original's place. Bryan tosses him a second later so we're down to 8 in less than a minute. The original hits a rana off the steps to the fake one but isn't allowed to go back in.
Cody is back in the ring now and Ted is all over him. Gabriel skins the cat and pulls Riley to the apron with him. Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick but takes Riley out anyway. A double axe puts Gabriel out and we're down to six. Make that four as Jackson throws out Bryan and Morrison in a double backdrop. Sheamus and Jackson (Legacy are the other two remaining guys) go at it in the big brawl and Jackson is beaten down quickly.
Ted tries to sneak in with Dream Street but gets put on the top rope and knocked out. Beautiful Disaster puts down Sheamus but Jackson throws Rhodes....to the apron. Jackson charges like an idiot and is tossed to get us down to Rhodes vs. Sheamus. Sheamus gets ready for the Cross but Christian comes out for the distraction. Cody can't toss Sheamus in the distraction though so Sheamus tries a Brogue Kick and gets caught on the apron. Cody takes the mask off but Sheamus gets a shot in to block it. Christian distracts him though and a mask shot ends Sheamus at 4:34 for Cody to retain.
Christian rams Sheamus' arm into the post and yells a lot.
We get a clip of Henry beating Jerry down last week.
David Otunga says that he's got a law degree (and he has the bowtie to prove it) and Johnny Ace says maybe he should do something about the safety of people.
Video on Kelly Kelly.
Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres vs. Natalya/Beth Phoenix
Eve has changed her hair and it's not working for me as bangs are never my thing. Beth and Eve get us started but it's off to Natalya quickly who interlocks her legs with Eve's and rolls her over so that their legs are both up in the air and it's torquing her back and neck. That looks awesome. Back to Beth and off to Kelly who does her usual stuff including a spank and the screaming headscissors. Eve misses a charge but Kelly throws Natalya out anyway. Beth gets the Glam Slam and we're done at 3:17.
Mark Henry vs. Great Khali
Khali only weighs 350lbs now. Before the match Henry hits Khali in the head with the world title and hits him with the Slam. Henry yells a lot and leaves while only sweating a few buckets, which is normal for him. No match.
Here's Cena to get into the Cell which is halfway lowered. The fans pop big for Cena holding up the title. He talks about how this Sunday he's going to hell and it's going to be the first triple threat ever in the Cell. Cena talks about how this Sunday he's going to use the Cell as a problem solver to prove he's the best. He plays up the brutality of the match and says he doesn't lose it Sunday.
This brings out Alberto as well as Punk in a sports coat for commentary on the next match.
John Cena vs. Christian
Yes we have 5 people on commentary tonight. Christian is launched into the ceiling quickly and Punk argues with Alberto almost immediately. Alberto yells and Punk says Alberto is half naked. Christian takes over with high impact stuff but misses a swan dive. Cena fires off the shoulders but the Proto Bomb is countered. Killswitch doesn't work either and there's the Bomb. There's the Shuffle but Christian runs before the AA can hit. They go to the floor and onto the table where Alberto jumps Punk. Christian gets a shot in on Cena but runs into the AA. And here's Alberto for the DQ at 3:20.
US Title: Zack Ryder vs. Dolph Ziggler
If this actually happens....I can't say I'd really be complaining. Before the match we get a recap of last week's Jackman stuff. Ziggler goes right at him and Ryder is in trouble. Swagger is at ringside too. A splash in the corner misses for Dolph and his head cracks the buckle. Ryder pounds him down and does the Woo Woo Woo kick in the corner. Vickie is on the apron and the Rough Ryder misses. Swagger clotheslines Ryder on the ropes and the Zig Zag keeps the title on Ziggler at 2:03.
Post match the Vickie Family tries to beat Ryder down but Air Boom's pyro messes up and they run out for the save. Teddy Long comes out and makes a six man. Vickie has until after the commercial to find a third man. If she can't, it's a handicap match.
Air Boom/Zack Ryder vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger
There's no third man nor Vickie when we come back so it's 3-2. Swagger vs. Kofi to get us going and Kofi takes over quickly. Off to Bourne who doesn't do as well because he's Evan Bourne and it's his job to be destroyed a lot. Swagger goes way old school and hooks on the Rings of Saturn. Kofi comes in off a hot tag and hits a cross body which isn't nearly as good as most of his usual ones.
He does the jumping ten punches in the corner to Swagger and Vickie comes back with Mason Ryan with longer hair. Do was have a Vickie Family now? The African escapes a German from the All-American and brings in Ryder. Ryder gets to meet Ryan....who beats up Swagger instead and tags in Ziggler by slamming him into the ring. A spinning release Rock Bottom leaves Ziggler dead and the Rough Ryder pins Ziggler at 6:31.
Video on the Cell which we saw last week.
We run down the PPV card and Kelly defends against Beth again. JR: Beth finally gets her opportunity. I'm leaving that one alone.
Otunga talks to Christian, Vickie, Dolph and Cody about a lawsuit and says it's important they're all together in this.
Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk
Cena is out for commentary. CM pounds him down quickly and we head to the floor. Punk throws Del Rio in Cena's direction and Johnny isn't thrilled with it. Back inside Alberto takes Punk's head off with a kick to take over. This is more of a brawl than a match. Punk pounds him down in the corner and then fires off the knee lifts. Del Rio lands an enziguri to send Punk to the floor and we take a break.
Back with Del Rio escaping the GTS and getting two on a DDT. A kick to the head gets two and it's time for arm work. Punk's arm goes into the post and a dropkick gets two. Del Rio is sent to the floor and Ricardo freaks. Back in a big kick misses for Punk and Del Rio stuns the arm. It's good that he's showing psychology here which is something you rarely miss with Del Rio. That's such a nice breath of air.
They slug it out and Punk sells the arm by shaking it a bit. A leg lariat/kick to the face takes Del Rio down and there's the knee/bulldog combination but the bulldog is countered. A Codebreaker to the arm gets two and Alberto is fired up. Punk fires off some kicks and that's enough for the pin (yes, a non-finisher got a pin) at 12:02.
The Cell lowers and Ricardo is trapped inside with all three of them. He takes both finishers and the Super Best Friends escape finishers before Del Rio smacks them both with a chair and lays them out.
Results
Cody Rhodes won a battle royal last eliminating Sheamus
Natlya/Beth Phoenix b. Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres Glam Slam to Kelly Kelly
John Cena b. Christian via disqualification when Alberto Del Rio interfered
Dolph Ziggler b. Zach Ryder Zig Zag
Air Boom/Zack Ryder b. Jack Swagger/Dolph Ziggler/Mason Ryan Rough Ryder to Ziggler
CM Punk b. Alberto Del Rio High Kick
Tuesday
NXT
Date: September 27, 2011
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Jack Korpela, William Regal
Another week here and after the last two weeks I'm assuming that it's time for the Usos to face JTG and Young in what Gorilla Monsoon would call a main event in any arena in the country except the one we're in now where it's a filler match 2 spots down on the card because it's a pair of teams that not many people care about. Also I'm sure Maxine and Bateman will try to further the split of Horny and AJ because....because....because that's what bad people on an internet wrestling show do. Let's get to it.
JTG and Young open the show and I still want to hurt JTG. Regal: You know I absolutely hate him. Young calls JTG a tag team specialist and they go over their tag team success here. They talk about winning NXT and then the tag titles but the Usos interrupt. They actually get to talk and no one seems that interested. We get clips of both Uso attacks after the wins by Team Annoying. The Usos talk about the Samoan heritage and how great at tag team stuff the Samoans are. Fan: SHAD WAS BETTER! JTG says the Samoans were a joke and gets chased to the floor. The tag match is mentioned.
Yoshi Tatsu vs. Jinder Mahal
Yep it's officially the minor league show and not about a competition anymore. Yoshi's music doesn't really fit with the new look. Regal says he was at Mahal's christening 25 years ago and was rivals with Mahal's dad. We hear about how Yoshi was squashed by Mahal about two months ago and got some teeth knocked out in the process. I remember that match and if this isn't better than that one, that says a lot.
Yoshi takes over with a headlock but a suplex gets Mahal out of trouble. A chinlock eats up a few seconds and Mahal takes over. Korpela: What would your strategy be if you were Yoshi? Regal: Win the match. You can't buy this kind of analysis people. Regal follows that up by talking about Mahal's uncle, the Indian Karaoke Champion: Getupta Singh. Back to the chinlock. A kick by Yoshi gets two. The Indian hits a Samoan on the Japanese but it gets reversed into a crucifix for two.
They go up to the corner and Yoshi blocks a superplex. Tatsu tries a dive as Regal talks about how you have to be a special kind of man to headbutt someone. Yes you do, but it takes a more special man to Coco Butt someone. As Yoshi is getting up he gets caught in the full nelson slam for the pin at 6:07.
Video on the Cell.
And now from that to something completely different as Horny is looking for AJ and has a note for her. Maxine tries to tell him that AJ is with Titus but Horny shushes her. Horny finds Titus and AJ (score one for Maxine) and the note (read by Titus for some reason) is a very poetic letter (it talks about being a boat tethered in a storm and stuff like that), basically saying that Horny is leaving NXT for Smackdown. AJ is sad but uh...isn't she on Smackdown too? Horny leaves all sad and AJ points out just that: she's on Smackdown too. I believe that officially eliminates all the remaining Pros.
Percy Watson vs. Tyson Kidd
Regal talks about how Punk winning would mean he has no more worlds left to conquer because he'd be WWE Champion. My face actually scrunched up and I looked up from my computer in a state of confusion over that one. Kidd speeds things up to start but Watson (much better without the glasses and OH YEAH) hits a dropkick for two. Korpela says everyone is talking about Watson's vertical leap. Today I talked about how the Monopoly game is back at McDonald's which means the McRib is back soon, but that's just me.
Back in after a quick bit on the floor and Tyson hooks a chinlock. He shouts to the crowd and they don't shout back. A belly to back breaks the hold up and both guys are down. Watson hits another dropkick and a clothesline in the corner. A spinning splash gets two as Regal makes fun of JTG a little more. Kidd hits something like a spinning neckbreaker that has a long name including the word moss that I don't feel like typing and a springboard elbow for the pin at 4:12.
Mahal says not to talk about Khali because he's the only one that matters. Most of this isn't in English so it's hard to really get what's going on. I think he says eat more chicken. His eyes are all freaky looking. Tonight he's returning to greatness.
Usos vs. JTG/Darren Young
Why does no one jump the Usos during that dance thing they do? I mean....it wouldn't be that hard. JTG vs. let's say Jimmy (like I can tell them apart) to start us off. I was watching the 88 Great American Bash and turned off Fantastics vs. Midnight Express for this. I have a feeling this isn't going to be as good. Jimmy hits a northern lights suplex as we're told that JTG never won a tag title despite being in a (not named) popular tag team.
Korpela talks about how there's still a competition and says it's about being the next break out star. There's no mention of being on Season Six now. I think my blood pressure just dropped down to healthy. I think that's Jimmy getting beaten down but I don't particularly care enough to remember which has the chest tattoo. Hot tag brings in Jey who kicks and punches a lot. Young manages to grab a belly to back to Jimmy (I had them wrong) on the apron to shift momentum as we take a break.
Back with JTG coming in to pound on I guess Jimmy. After a long chinlock, Jey breaks up a cover and it's off to Young. Regal explains the point of the rapid covers that don't work as he says Young knows it's not going to get a pin but it'll drain Jimmy a lot. See, THAT is what an analyst is there for. He knows what he's talking about because he's been in there. It's a lot better than saying someone is in the Fave Five which has about 27 people per week.
Jimmy's back is worked on and Young sends him into the corner for two. Has anyone ever been pinned off an Irish Whip? Young slaps away at the back and hits a chinlock again, this time with the knee in the back. Maybe he did learn something in Nexus. Regal talks about how Young is working on the back. Korpela: Good point. Regal: I know. Jimmy breaks up the chinlock but JTG gets a tag to break it up again.
To my great surprise, this hasn't been a very bad tag match. It's amazing what random guys can do when they're thrown out there and allowed some time to develop and get experience isn't it? Jimmy sends JTG flying with something called an Alley-Us (I'd call it a flip but what do I know?). Either way it gets the tag in to Jey and the lower half of the house is cleaned. He hits the running Umaga smash to the face in the corner which Korpela says is shades of Rikishi and a double superkick sets up the superfly splash to Young for the pin at 11:23.
Post match the Usos celebrate but Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins run in for an attack. Again, that is almost territory style as you bring in whatever random talent you can find for a quick feud/program with someone else after another program is over.
Results
Jinder Mahal b. Yoshi Tatsu Full Nelson Slam
Tyson Kidd b. Percy Watson Springboard Elbow
Usos b. Darren Young/JTG Top rope splash to Young
Wednesday
Rey Mysterio has to have another knee surgery. The first was supposed to keep him out for 6-9 months. No word yet on how long this one is going to last in total now.
Thursday
Jimmy Uso was arrested for DUI. There goes their push.
Impact Wrestling
Date: September 29, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
After this week we move off to Knoxville for two weeks and then it's Philadelphia for Bound For Glory. Tonight we're going to hear that it's Hogan's retirement which is a big announcement and a spoiler but by the time this is posted it'll be fair game. Anyway other than that there's a five way ladder match which will be lucky to go six minutes. Let's get to it.
Sting is here to open the show and he calls out Roode. It's the same stuff you would expect: Sting says he's awesome and can beat Angle, Roode says he'll do his best and that it means a lot and says that Sting needs to beat Hogan. Here's AJ to say take care of things and go become world champion because you might never get another shot. Here's Angle who says if AJ wins tonight he'll get a shot at the title. This felt really rushed for some reason.
Hogan is here and is looking nervous.
Alex Shelley vs. Brian Kendrick vs. Zima Ion vs. Kid Kash vs. Jesse Sorensen
This is a ladder match and the winner gets the shot at Aries at BFG. Aries is on commentary and says he wants to face Kash. It's your usual insane match with all the people doing everything they can. There's a chair brought in and Sorensen is dropped onto the ladder by Kash and looks like he was shot. Kash goes up but Kendrick makes the save. Tazz: Austin what would you do in this match? Aries: Climb the ladder as fast as I could.
Ion takes Kendrick out with a moonsault to the floor and no one is really trying to go up. Shelley kicks Kash down and makes a run up but takes forever because it's a wrestling match involving a ladder and Ion makes the save. BIG chop by Kash to Ion and Aries says maybe he doesn't want to face him. Ion gets countered and Sorensen puts him into the ladder. Kash goes up but is taken down by Kendrick. Kendrick and Shelley go up at the same time but Kendrick knocks him down and wins at 5:45. Nice to see them expanding the title feuds.
Kaz is talking about the Roode/Styles match when the Jarretts come in and say get to the ring now.
Flair is on the phone and is upset about something. He wants to be part of a decision that is being made and is coming to someone's office.
Here are the Jarretts and they call out Kaz and tell him to bring Traci with him. Jeff gets in his face, talking about how he gave Kaz a job and how Kaz went to the WWE and then Jeff let him come back and then left again and Jeff let him back in again. He insults Traci a bit and they almost get into it but referees and agents come out. Jeff threatens to fire them because he can I guess and another brawl starts up. Gunner comes in and leaves Kaz laying with an F5.
We recap last week's thing with Ink Inc and Mexican america with the tattoo raping.
Hernandez vs. Jesse Neal
Mexican America jumps Ink Inc and we're told that Hernandez hurt Neal which is why we haven't seen them lately. Well that's better than nothing. The beatdown goes on for awhile and the bell hasn't rang yet. Anarquia and Moore are in the ring and Moore gets crushed by a splash. Here's one for Neal also and the Mexicans stand tall. They spray pain MA on both of their backs and it's 1996 all over again. No match. Hernandez's splashes looked great.
Ray says he knows what Hogan is going to say and says he was the first one that Hogan told about it.
Storm says if Roode wins, Storm will be winning with them because they're a team.
Flair rants to Hogan about what Hogan is going to do and says it'll change the business. Whatever it is, it's not a good decision.
We recap Tara vs. Madison Rayne which started back at Sacrifice 2010 where Tara put her career up for a title shot. Then Tara came back with Madison because I guess Madison had the authority to break the contract. Tara rebelled against Madison and won her freedom. Do we really need a year plus recap for a TV match where you get a spot in a title match?
Crimson is here just as he promised he would be.
Madison Rayne vs. Tara
This is a qualifying match to be in the Knockouts Title match with Mickie and Winter and whoever else is the final person. By the way, total time from the end of the ladder match to the bell for this: 33:54. Madison hits on Earl and screams a lot. Tara grabs her hand and bends the finger back, making Madison tap but it doesn't count I guess. I have a feeling we're in a comedy match.
Tara takes it to the mat with a headlock takeover and Madison keeps carressing Earl. Madison uses the distraction to take over with a right hand and beats on her in the corner. She does the hump the mat spot and hits on Earl AGAIN. That's about 8 times now. Madison cheats to escape a chokebomb by hitting Earl so Earl says kill her. Release chokebomb hits Madison but Rayne escapes the Widow's Peak and rolls her up with the feet on the ropes at 4:43.
Daniels says he wouldn't want to face AJ again at BFG because there's no point. The match is happening it seems and Daniels says if he beats AJ again it would be a kick in the nuts, which makes him chuckle.
Here's Crimson after having his leg broken or something similar to that by Joe. He wants Joe out here right now to settle this. Joe appears and says he's allowed Crimson to be here and to continue his farce of an undefeated streak. Without Crimson, who else is going to be Joe's female dog? Crimson charges and the brawl is on. Joe goes to the ankle and kicks Crimson low and into the ring we go. He puts on the leg bar until Matt Morgan comes out to make a save. Morgan helps Crimson up.
AJ is ready for Roode but they're cool.
D'Angelo Dinero vs. Mr. Anderson
Just 19:37 between bells this time so they're improving. Feeling out process to start as this is the always rare face vs. face match. They do nothing of note for awhile until they head to the floor and Anderson pulls back to punch Pope. D-Von's kids grab his arm and Pope misses a charge into the railing. Anderson goes into the ring and Ray pops up with a kendo stick. Pope comes in and gets the pin at 4:12. D-Von came down to yell at his kids.
Roode is ready.
D-Von yells at his kids and Pope. D-Von is training his kids to be wrestlers it seems. Pope says chill and D-Von yells at his kids more, saying he calls the shots and says when for the kids to jump.
We get one of those serious videos about Roode training for his one match and how he's given up so much for his family and his dream and all that jazz.
AJ Styles vs. Robert Roode
Just 12 and a half minutes this time. LONG headlock by AJ to eat up some time and then a dropkick gets two. Off to another headlock as I think it's one of those big matches where they do very basic stuff but nothing actually comes out of it. AJ tries the springboard but gets caught in an over the shoulder gutbuster for two, injuring Bobby's leg. They go to the floor and once that goes nowhere, AJ puts on a bridging Indian Deathlock to work on the knee a bit more.
They continue with this slow pace and it's ok but it's not much to watch, especially after how boring the rest of the show has been. Roode knocks him off the top but gets caught by the springboard forearm for two. Here's the springboard 450 but Roode moves. Styles Clash is blocked twice, the second time into a sunsef flip for two. Pele misses and Roode grabs the Crossface and AJ taps at 8:32.
AJ praises Roode and says he's going to be the next champion. This takes forever and AJ says he wants a shot. Roode says ok.
Here's Hogan for the big announcement. He talks about how he's been soul searching recently and started thinking about how the Hulk Hogan run has been awesome. He talks about Hiro Matsuda breaking his leg when he started training and how he came from the beginning to the match with Andre and how many times he sold out MSG and all those big matches. Sting is watching in the back.
Hulkamania could go on forever. Then he had a chance of a lifetime: to come to Impact Wrestling and make a difference. He saw a bunch of hungry eyes and now they're all stepping up. Every moment has been worth it and Sting is still watching. He (Sting) talks about Suburban Commando and says Hogan is a great actor.
Hogan says this is the end of the road and he's retiring. He wants to thank the Impact Zone fans because they're the important ones. Even his wife hasn't heard this yet. But Flair and Bully Ray have? The fans are always with him and he's leaving. Next week will be the formal announcement and it'll be a big celebration of Hulk next week. Sting doesn't buy it.
Results
Brian Kendrick b. Kid Kash, Alex Shelley, Zima Ion and Jesse Sorensen Kendrick pulled down the contract
Madison Rayne b. Tara Rollup
D'Angelo Dinero b. Mr. Anderson Pin after Bully Ray hit Anderson with a kendo stick
Robert Roode b. AJ Styles Crossface