klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Friday
Impact got a 1.07, rounded up to a 1.1.
Smackdown
Date: August 12, 2011
Location: Power Balance Pavilion, Sacramento, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T
It's the final show before Summerslam and the card is probably about half set. With only four matches they almost have to add a few on here. I could picture Bryan vs. Barrett and the Usos getting a tag title shot which would help the card out tremendously. Either way it's in need of help right now. Also tonight Christian implied he has a major announcement so let's get to it.
The main event tonight is Khali vs. Orton. Well they promised a great main event so they have a lot of work to go.
Do you know your enemy? Mine is finding dental insurance at the moment.
Here's HHH to open the show. He talks about how a month ago he was just hanging out in the back waiting for a friend (not sure who he means) and now he's in charge. He's also the guest referee in probably the biggest match ever. Both guys have their names mentioned and get about the same volume although Cena's last longer. There's a CM Punk chant but it's nothing thunderous.
Trips says there's a line of people waiting to get in to see him in the back. There's a ton of pressure being the boss and he's loving it. He wants every show to be as exciting and unpredictable as it can be. Therefore tonight the Intercontinental Title is on the line with Cody Rhodes challenging. With four matches on Summerslam shouldn't you save that one for Sunday?
Also it's Bryan vs. Del Rio in a MITB vs. MITB match. Just for pride though. Tonight Orton and Christian are in action also with Orton vs. Khali (surprisingly decent heat for his name) and Christian vs....someone that we'll find out in a bit because here's the champ. Josh reminds us that Christian said he has a big announcement/surprise. Christian says HHH should have called the champ given the circumstances. I would have except I don't give a crap.
Christian's surpsie is he's going to sue the WWE. He has medical documents saying that Orton has serious anger management issues. If Christian has to fight in a no holds barred match, the company is putting him in an unsafe working environment. He's been talking to the lawyers and if the stipulation isn't changed, he's filing a multimillion dollar lawsuit. He'll sue everyone from HHH to his kids to Johnny Ace (he's never called that but I don't want to keep typing Laurinitis) to every single fan that goes to Summerslam.
HHH says the match is still on. Christian has a contract with WWE, meaning he has a contract with HHH, meaning HHH is his boss. If Christian doesn't do as HHH says, as in compete in the matches HHH picks, Christian is in breach of contract, meaning he'll be fired and HHH will be taking that title back. Christian FREAKS, wanting to know why HHH is doing favors for Orton. That's....a really good question actually. HHH respects Orton and the fans like Orton but the fans don't like Christian because they don't respect him. HHH doesn't respect him either. Christian needs to earn it back by competing Sunday.
HHH tries to leave but 15 minutes for the segment isn't enough I guess. Christian says cut the music and says he gets the last say. Christian will earn it so you can forget the lawsuit. He'll beat Orton on Sunday but first let's get through this match that HHH has made for tonight. HHH says cool so here's Sheamus.
Sheamus vs. Christian
The bell rings after a break. You can't say they're feeding Sheamus small potatoes (he is Irish after all) in the early part of his face run. Christian has to hit and run to start and manages to send Sheamus to the floor. Sheamus goes to the post and is holding his shoulder. The pale one gets some kicks in and charges into the post, hitting the other shoulder.
Ok so it's the left arm that is hurt. Got it. Sheamus grabs the Irish Curse with the left arm but can't cover because it hurts. Powerslam gets two. Killswitch doesn't work as Sheamus punches Christian in the face. Love basic counters like that. Christian gos up which doesn't work but the High Cross is broken up also. Sheamus does that thing where Christian's feet are in the ring and his torso is between the top two ropes and he hammers in forearms to the chest.
He calls for the High Cross again for a better reaction but tries the kick instead. Christian hits the floor to avoid it and tries to leave which doesn't work either. High Cross doesn't work again and Christian gets a reverse guillotine. He tries to walk again and is up to the top of the stage at 7. And there's the countout at 5:56.
AJ/Kaitlyn vs. Beth Phoenix/Natalya
My prediction for this match: pain. The heels are now the D.O.D.: Divas of Doom. Which one is Butch and which is Simmons? Kaitlyn is the first piece of meat but she avoids a charge to bring in AJ. Booker says the heels remind him of Harlem Heat. I guess minus the skin color, blood relation, titles, gender, talent for one of them, longevity, talking ability and a host of other things. Anyway the Glam Slam ends AJ at 1:14.
Post match there's a beatdown with Kaitlyn being put in the Sharpshooter.
Sin Cara is back tonight. It's an FCW guy named Hunico under the match.
Ryder says the ratings are up because of him. Legacy comes in and Rhodes thanks Zack for the title shot. Teddy says it was his idea. Everyone but Teddy leaves and here's Aksana with the music again. Teddy says let's keep this professional. Sexual innuendo abounds but Teddy leaves, claiming car problems. Stick shift jokes are made and aren't that funny due to the images associated with Teddy Long being naked.
Booker is talking about biscuits and gravy. Could this be a secret alliance with Jesse and Festus???
Video on Mark Henry. He's strong don't you know?
Johnny Curtis is in the locker room and Mark Henry comes in. Henry is his debut opponent. Henry has a play on words for him: break a leg.
Sin Cara vs. Tyson Kidd
It's clearly not Sin Cara if you look at his body but it's close enough. The lights go out so it's ok for the most part. Cara hits a bit spinning cross body to the floor. Kidid gets a dropkick to the bad ribs and Cara is in trouble. Springboard cross body (more like a headbutt to the chest) gets two. Booker: Did you see that??? Cole: Yes, it's called television. Cara gets something like a rolling Samoan drop and then a slingshot hilo and a lionsault end this at 2:57. Not quite a squash but Cara was never in any real trouble.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Daniel Bryan
Both guys are in white here. Josh says there will be a cash in by Alberto tonight which Cole shoots down quickly. Cole is going off about Bryan's breakfast or something. Alberto works on the arm and Cole is already on my nerves. Now Booker is talking in an African accent. Josh THANKFULLY talks about being Mr. MITB to bring us back to anything resembling wrestling. Bryan fires off some kicks but Alberto kicks his head off with an enziguri.
Bryan knocks him to the floor and the suicide dive lands more on top of Del Rio than in his chest. Bryan goes up top for the missile dropkick but misses and the cross armbreaker ends this totally clean at 3:31. I certainly didn't see that coming and the results I saw said this was a long match. That's not exactly long.
Post match Barrett comes in for a beating. Wasteland leaves Bryan laying. It's mentioned that they're fighting at the PPV so we have a fifth match which helps things a lot.
Christian is sitting in the back and looks annoyed.
Intercontinental Title: Cody Rhodes vs. Ezekiel Jackson
Booker gets another bag and is annoyed again. Jackson uses power to take over but misses some elbows, allowing Cody to hit the floor. Back from a break with Rhodes hammering away. There's a chinlock which goes on way too long until Jackson gets up and rams him into the back. After a clothesline in the corner here are the slams. He gets the Rack position but Cody grabs the rope. Ted offers a distraction which doesn't work, letting Cody hit the Beautiful Disaster and Cross Rhodes gives us a new IC Champion at 4:34 shown of 8:04.
Post match Jackson gets bagged. He wakes up though and destroys DiBiase.
Cena vs. Punk recap video eats up a few minutes.
We run down the PPV card and there are only four matches announced, even though they said Barrett vs. Bryan was official earlier.
Orton talks about how he's tired of Christian trying to get him to slip up and break the rules. This Sunday there are no rules though. Orton talks about going to anger management classes and how he needs to not keep his anger inside. Therefore, he needs to let it out on Sunday. Oh and he'll RKO Khali.
Johnny Curtis vs. Mark Henry
Total squash, World's Strongest Slam, 55 seconds. We sat through a dozen bad puns for that? Wow.
Post match he sets for the Pillmanization but Sheamus makes the save since Curtis isn't on the future endeavored list. Sheamus calls Henry a whale and himself a shark. He wants to fight right now and Henry goes to the apron and then stops to give Curtis another World's Strongest Slam.
Randy Orton vs. Great Khali
Khali uses the power game to start which is about what you would expect in the opening minute. Orton gets some punches in but they don't do much. Out to the floor and Orton goes into the steps. The chop hits for two less than two minutes in. Time for the nerve hold to waste some time. Orton gets up and dropkicks Khali into the ropes, tying him up. Mahal gets taken down and Orton gets a regular DDT. RKO is countered by the vice grip which doesn't last long. Orton fires off some European uppercuts and gets a jumping RKO to end this at 4:32.
Post match Christian comes out and is very happy about the no holds barred match now. He says he has the best thing going today and says he's looking forward to the match. He smiles to end the show.
Results
Sheamus b. Christian via countout
Beth Phoenix/Natalya b. AJ/Kaitlyn Glam Slam to AJ
Sin Cara b. Tyson Kidd - Lionsault
Alberto Del Rio b. Daniel Bryan Cross Armbreaker
Cody Rhodes b. Ezekiel Jackson Cross Rhodes
Mark Henry b. Johnny Curtis World's Strongest Slam
Randy Orton b. Great Khali RKO
Saturday
ROH taped TV tonight. That's about it.
Sunday
Summerslam 2011
Date: August 14, 2011
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Booker T
It's the biggest party of the summer. Wait that was another ad campaign. It's Summerfest! No wait that's a Piven botch. It's Punk vs. Cena II. Well actually more like their 8th match but the second PPV main event. Seriously that's the extent of the hype for this show. There's also Christian vs. Orton V or whatever but that's really minor by comparison. There's also a mini concert because those have worked oh so well before right? Let's get to it.
The guitarist from Tool plays a rock version of the Star Spangled Banner. He's no Man Mountain Rock.
The opening video is about how we're in LA and LA is awesome. This is like the 4th year in a row it's been in LA. Might be three but still that's a ton. There's another video about how there's a domino effect in the Punk vs. Cena war. That Bright Lights Bigger City song is growing on me a bit.
Here's Miz to open the show and he'll be in a six man tag. He first has something to say. Why am I not surprised? He says he's returned to Summerslam and wants to thank the fans for insisting he competes tonight. Miz is cut off by Truth who talks about spiders. They start with the letter S, as does Summerslam. Singing also starts with an S and Cee Lo Green is singing tonight. You know what else starts with a C? CONSPIRACY!!! Del Rio cuts him off to save our sanity.
The Miz/Alberto Del Rio/R-Truth vs. Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio/John Morrison
Well they had to fill in the card with something. Del Rio gets a face reaction from the Hispanic heavy crowd. Kofi has white shorts now. Morrison, the hometown boy, gets NOTHING. We get a recap of Rey getting jumped by Miz on Monday. The rest of the feuds I think you know. The bell rings almost 15 minutes into the show. Miz vs. Kofi to start us off. There's a Miz is Awesome chant.
Big monkey flip and a dropkick put Miz down. Off to Morrison and we get double flapjacks/double nipups. Nice fast paced stuff to start so far. Off to Truth vs. Morrison and Truth isn't afraid anymore. There's the springboard spin kick (Moonlight Drive I think? It's the same one Cody uses for the most part) but it only gets two. The heels cheat (EVIL!) and send Morrison to the floor to shift momentum.
Off to Miz who hooks a chinlock which eats up some time. Morrison fights out of it with something resembling a Pele kick (ala AJ) and it's warm tag Kofi. That cross body is SWEET. Miz takes him down and every heel not named Alberto works him over. Time for Kofi to imitate a long haired blonde guy from the 80s who thought he could sing named Morton for a good while.
We're just waiting on the hot tag to Rey at this point. And yep there it is. The seated kick to Truth gets two. 619 is broken up and a second is as well. Rey makes up for that by hitting one to Truth and Miz at the same time. Everything breaks down and the faces all start diving like a broke boxer in Vegas. The ring is cleared and Rey hits the top rope splash on Truth for the pin at 9:30.
Johnny Ace demands a public apology from Punk for getting kicked in the head. Well Ace is certainly annoying already so he's doing his job. Punk mockingly apologizes and Ace leaves. Punk turns around and there's the still hot Stephanie. She says HHH, Cena and Vince have all wished him good luck. He kind of says she's brainless and she offers him a handshake anyway. I would but I know where that hand has been.
Recap of Henry vs. Sheamus which is basically about Sheamus being the only guy willing to fight Henry. That's still a cool moment.
Sheamus vs. Mark Henry
I can't imagine this going long. Sheamus gets in a few shots early on but then the beating begins. Henry hammers on Sheamus and we head to the floor where Henry gorilla presses Sheamus into the ring through the top and middle ropes. That was kind of awesome. Splash gets two. There's a backbreaker and now an over the shoulder body vice.
The pale one fights out of it and manages to take Henry down for a moment. Emphasis on the moment aspect though as Henry takes him down again. The Vader Bomb misses though and Sheamus starts his comeback. A flying axehandle puts him on the mat and Sheamus starts dropping some knees. He fires off the forearms to the chest when Henry is caught in the ropes.
Sheamus hits the ropes and they collide, sending both guys down for a few seconds. The Irishman hits a top rope shoulder block for two. The cord is of course hot here because it's LA and it's a wrestling town. Sheamus pounds his chest but the Brogue Kick misses. Henry tries the World's Strongest Slam but Sheamus counters and the Brogue Kick sends Henry to the floor. He's out cold and dead weight now. Naturally since Sheamus is a face now he goes after him and is rammed back first into the post and then through the barricade which explodes. It's a countout win by Henry at 9:20.
Christian is in the back with a big smile on his face. He has an insurance policy and the entire WWE is the beneficiary. Anything goes and we're in LA, which means the match is going to be like a summer blockbuster like Harry Potter. Well that's better than a Buff Blockbuster I guess. Oh Christian is Potter while Orton is Cowboys and Alience. I haven't seen that yet so I can't make a joke there.
Ad for some movie.
Time to kill off any momentum we had built up in the first 45 minutes with a performance by Cee Lo Green. Since one song wasn't enough, here's another with some dancing Divas. Well we've just lost 5 minutes of my life.
Divas Title: Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix
Eve and Nattie are here as seconds. Kelly looking good in the tiny shite shorts and Beth in the blue skirt thing. Kelly uses speed to take over and does her gymnastics stuff. I can't complain about an upskirt shot of Beth. Kelly dives off the middle rope to the floor. That looked decent. Beth remembers that she's Beth Phoenix and she's fighting Kelly Kelly so she gets a gorilla hot shot for two. Booker and Jerry as for a wardrobe malfunction. Off to a chinlock as Cole says he's turned off by Kelly over some photoshopping thing.
Beth hooks an over the shoulder backbreaker but Kelly escapes into a neckbreaker for two. Kelly gets put in the Tree of Woe but escapes via gymnastics. This is kind of stop and go match. Kelly gets all fired up and slams Beth's head into the mat a few times to come back. She looks spent though. Handspring elbow is caught into the Glam Slam and Kelly rolls through for the pin at 6:20. Yes, that just happened totally clean.
Stephanie comes out of Cena's locker room.
Jimmy freaking Hart of all people is with R-Truth and says he needs a manager. Truth realizes something: JIMMY IS LITTLE! HE'S LITTLE JIMMY!!! Truth scares him off and talks about the conspiracy, yelling at Ron Artest and his daughter who are just chilling in the back for no apparent reason.
Wade Barrett vs. Daniel Bryan
Mat stuff to start with Barrett in control. Booker talks about Bryan having his lunch today. We had breakfast talk on Friday and now this? Jerry calls Barrett a carnivore which is a decent enough line. SICK looking arm hold into a pin attempt by Bryan. Cole is way off tonight, calling Barrett the submission specialist and thinking Bryan was the carnivore Jerry was talking about.
Cross body gets two for Bryan. There's a dragon screw legwhip which has Dusty Rhodes freaking out I'm sure. Running dropkick in the corner gets two and it's surfboard time. Here come the kicks as Bryan channels his inner Rockette. Barrett gets a shot in and takes over again. This has been a match of varying streaks which is usually a formula for good stuff.
Barrett gets a slingshot (thing Blanchard) backbreaker for two and it's off to a chinlock. The British dude keeps expanding his arsenal with a flying forearm for two. Oh and Bryan has a much shorter haircut now. Barrett gets sent to the floor with a dropkick and a running knee square to the head. That looked SICK. Back inside now and the pumphandle slam is countered into more kicks. Bryan is speeding things up and taking over now.
HARD kicks to the chest but Barrett won't go down. Ok a big one to the head puts him down. I think he kicked the British out of him. Now Barrett takes over again and loads up Wasteland but Bryan elbows out of it and throws on the guillotine. That doesn't work and it's off to the LeBell Lock but Barrett makes the rope. I thought that was the end. This is getting some time too. They go up to the corner and Bryan gets crotched. Barrett gets a middle rope lariat to the crotched Bryan and now he loads Wasteland, which is enough for the clean pin at 11:45.
The California National Guard is here.
We recap Christian vs. Orton. Basically Christian played up Orton's anger management and got him to snap long enough to lose the title at Money in the Bank. Tonight it's no holds barred. And remember Christian has promised a surprise insurance policy.
The champ comes out first which is odd. He has a mic and says he's a man of his words. The insurance policy.....IS EDGE???? His haircut is a little weird but he looks about the same. A bit skinnier though which is expected. If I didn't have to hit the gym every day I certainly wouldn't.
Edge says that he'll never be able to wrestle again but he was happy when he left because he was able to pass the torch to Christian. He thought the first defense against Orton was unfair but then Christian started complaining a lot. Christian did win the title back but he did it by disqualification. Edge did a lot of weak things but he did it with style and was never boring.
He didn't hide behind suits and clipboards. No Edge you hid behind Vickie. Somewhere along the lines Christian became a disgrace to himself. Christian knows he's better than that but now he's just a whiner. With that, Edge leaves to a nice ovation. And heeeeeeeeere's Randy!
Smackdown World Title: Christian vs. Randy Orton
No holds barred remember. After some big match intros we're ready to go. Opening slugout is won by Orton and he hammers the Canadian down in the corner. Christian gets that reverse guillotine thing of his and a jumping back elbow (love that move) gets two. Back body drop sets up the Garvin Stomp and a knee drop for two. They have a ton of time here.
The psychology is working here because they've had like 5 matches beforehand to get each others' moves down, meaning the counters make a lot more sense. Elevated DDT is blocked into a backdrop to the floor. Orton loads up the table but the RKO is counter. Christian grabs the belt and heads into the crowd. The GM computer is there but it hasn't been used in weeks.
Orton catches him in the crowd and hammers away. Back to ringside now and Christian finds a kendo stick to pound on Orton. He chokes away and shouts a lot and gets two. Christian charges at him in the corner and gets rolled up into a VERY close two count. Spinebuster gets two for the champion. Orton fires off a dropkick to block a kendo stick shot from the middle rope.
Randy is bleeding from the mouth a bit. He starts his finishing sequence and there's the powerslam. Now he's got the stick but Christian gets his feet up to break that up. Middle rope dropkick is countered into a jackknife cover for two for Randy. Thesz Press takes Christian down but Christian counters into the Killswitch. That is countered into the backbreaker for two.
Orton grabs some tables from under the ring but Christian spears him into the railing. Cole recaps the show in case someone is flipping through the PPV channels and wants to see if they're watching the right show they bought I suppose. There's a table set up at ringside and one in the ring not set up. Orton superplexes Christian onto the unset table but might have hut his tailbone. It only gets two anyway.
The table is already broken but Orton puts it in the corner anyway. Yes slap a cracked table with some of the legs already broken. Nothing could go wrong with that idea. Christian counters the toss into it and hits the reverse DDT. He loads up the spear but Orton jumps over him. RKO is countered and we go back to the floor. Christian goes into the steps and does a nice flip over them.
Now Christian puts Orton's head into the steps so Randy is going to take a little nap now. Edge's former brother but now his best friend for life because kayfabe is more powerful than blood drills him with the monitor and I think he says RKO. Christian tries an RKO but Randy has fought the Undertaker a few times so he counters into the RKO of his own and both guys are down.
The fans say this is awesome and they're getting there. Back in the ring and Orton tries another RKO but Christian counters into the Killswitch for a LONG two. The fans thought it was over. The Spanish announcers are trying to get back on the air which is a funny visual. Christian has a chair now and make it a pair of them. It's Conchairto time but Christian spits on Orton and takes FOREVER, allowing Orton to get up and crack Christian with the chair. The Canadian goes to the apron and a running shot to the head sends Christian through the table.
Orton still isn't done as he throws everything he's got under the ring. There are steps, kendo sticks, garbage cans and the table that is still up in the corner. Christian is on the steps trying to get a breather. Orton puts his foot on the champ's head and tries a stomp but Christian moves. Powerslam puts Christian through the very end of the table, meaning the rest of it is still standing.
Now it's stick time and Christian's back takes a shot. The stick is already bent after two shots. There's an elevated DDT onto the can. It feels like they're just killing time for some reason. Orton goes into RKO mode onto the steps but Christian finds a kendo stick from somewhere. He tries to go off the ropes but jumps into an RKO on the steps, giving Orton his 9th world title at 24:36.
Video about Axxeess while they clear out the ring. There's a lot of anti-bullying stuff there too. There are some uh....celebrities here I guess they're called.
Stephanie is talking to HHH but we can't hear what's being said.
We recap Punk vs. Cena in the same video we've seen three or four times already. I think you get the idea of this already.
Raw World Title: John Cena vs. CM Punk
HHH is guest referee and it's champion vs. champion. This show has been very good so far but if this match is as good as it could be, it hits great. Cult of Personality is a sweet song. We go way old school with a weapons check. Punk is far more popular than Cena. Feeling out process to start. The jean shorts are officially classic. The dueling chants begin and it's totally domianted by Cena Sucks.
The feeling out process continues and John takes Punk to the mat almost in an amateur style. Now the fans think someone can't wrestle. This has nearly 40 minutes if need be so they can build very slowly. Cena grabs a chinlock but Punk grabs one of his own including a body vice. Booker is complaining about the technical stuff. Release fisherman's suplex gets two for John.
We're seven minutes into this and there hasn't been anything big yet. Then again it's not even 10:30 so it's not like they have to get going immediately. Punk in control and he drops a headbutt and it's back to the bodyvice. HHH has been pretty inconsequential so far. Cena tries the STF but Punk kicks him off. The crowd is all over Cena tonight. Dropkick knocks Cena off the apron.
Back inside and Punk gets in some kicks to the ribs. There's an Earthquake for two. Cena fights up but gets caught with a running knee to the head with him against the ropes. He falls onto the mat and fights up into You Can't See Me. Cena tries the STF but Punk counters into the hold called the Anaconda Vice (Koji Clutch) which is countered into a modified STF. Cole sounds bored out of his mind on the hold.
Punk counters into the real Anaconda Vice (called a keylock) but Cena counters into a Crossface (called a front facelock or something) but Punk gets a rope. Suicide dive takes both guys out. HHH starts the count and both guys are down at 9. Thankfully he stops the count and goes to get them, drawing a round of applause. He throws both guys back in and says let's go.
Both guys get up and it's time for the slugout. Cena grabs an AA attempt but Punk escapes, only to get taken down by a SWEET dropkick. There's the Shuffle but the AA is countered into a sunset flip which is countered into a jackknife cover which is countered into a backslide which is countered into a bridge and a kick to the head for two. AWESOME sequence!
GTS is countered and Cena hits a corner splash. Sitout powerslam gets two as this is getting awesome very quickly. Punk breaks up the top rope Fameasser with a running knee to the head (very popular move anymore) and a bulldog gets two. Punk tries the springboard clothesline but Cena counters into the STF but Punk grabs a rope. The fans are into it but they're waiting on the HHH stuff I think.
AA is countered into the GTS which is countered into the AA for two. Cena complains to HHH but HHH says it was two. Cena goes up and gets HUGE air on the Fameasser but misses, crashing into the mat and possibly hurting his leg. GTS gets two and Punk is stunned. Punk goes up but is very tired. With a point to the air he drops an elbow for two. That made me smile. Punk's face is great as he's shocked.
There's a Randy Savage chant which is the right idea. Cena grabs a rollup for two and Cena is all fired up. He punches away but Punk grabs a kick to the ribs and another knee to the head. GTS (hit the arm) gets three but Cena's foot is on the rope. Chant with me: DUSTY FINISH! The pin went down at 24:30.
Punk is all happy post match but won't shake HHH's hand. HHH holds the arm up and leaves. Of all people KEVIN NASH is in the ring and beats up Punk, leaving him laying with a Jackknife. IT'S ALBERTO!!!
Raw World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk
Running enziguri and Del Rio is champion!!!!!!! He celebrates and we're done. WOW.
Results
Rey Mysterio/John Morrison/Kofi Kingston b. Alberto Del Rio/R-Truth/The Miz Top Rope Splash to R-Truth
Mark Henry b. Sheamus via countout
Kelly Kelly b. Beth Phoenix Victory Roll
Wade Barrett b. Daniel Bryan Wasteland
Randy Orton b. Christian RKO onto the steps
CM Punk b. John Cena GTS
Alberto Del Rio b. CM Punk Running enziguri
Quick Results
Raw
John Cena b. Jack Swagger Attitude Adjustment
The Miz b. Kofi Kingston Skull Crushing Finale
CM Punk b. Alberto Del Rio GTS
Beth Phoenix b. Eve Torres Glam Slam
Alex Riley b. Dolph Ziggler via DQ when Vickie Guerrero interfered
NXT
Justin Gabriel b. Tyson Kidd 450
Darren Young b. Matt Striker Fireman's carry into a gutbuster
Titus O'Neil b. Derrick Bateman Pin after Bateman fell during a slam
Impact
Mickie James b. Madison Rayne Jumping DDT
Brian Kendrick b. Robbie E Sliced Bread #2
Beer Money b. AJ Styles/Rob Van Dam and D-Von/D'Angelo Dinero Fisherman's suplex to Dinero
Miss Tessmacher/Tara b. ODB/Jackie Rollup to Jackie
Crimson b. Scott Steiner, Bully Ray and Gunner Rollup to Gunner
Smackdown
Sheamus b. Christian via countout
Beth Phoenix/Natalya b. AJ/Kaitlyn Glam Slam to AJ
Sin Cara b. Tyson Kidd - Lionsault
Alberto Del Rio b. Daniel Bryan Cross Armbreaker
Cody Rhodes b. Ezekiel Jackson Cross Rhodes
Mark Henry b. Johnny Curtis World's Strongest Slam
Randy Orton b. Great Khali RKO
Summerslam 2011
Rey Mysterio/John Morrison/Kofi Kingston b. Alberto Del Rio/R-Truth/The Miz Top Rope Splash to R-Truth
Mark Henry b. Sheamus via countout
Kelly Kelly b. Beth Phoenix Victory Roll
Wade Barrett b. Daniel Bryan Wasteland
Randy Orton b. Christian RKO onto the steps
CM Punk b. John Cena GTS
Alberto Del Rio b. CM Punk Running enziguri
Impact got a 1.07, rounded up to a 1.1.
Smackdown
Date: August 12, 2011
Location: Power Balance Pavilion, Sacramento, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T
It's the final show before Summerslam and the card is probably about half set. With only four matches they almost have to add a few on here. I could picture Bryan vs. Barrett and the Usos getting a tag title shot which would help the card out tremendously. Either way it's in need of help right now. Also tonight Christian implied he has a major announcement so let's get to it.
The main event tonight is Khali vs. Orton. Well they promised a great main event so they have a lot of work to go.
Do you know your enemy? Mine is finding dental insurance at the moment.
Here's HHH to open the show. He talks about how a month ago he was just hanging out in the back waiting for a friend (not sure who he means) and now he's in charge. He's also the guest referee in probably the biggest match ever. Both guys have their names mentioned and get about the same volume although Cena's last longer. There's a CM Punk chant but it's nothing thunderous.
Trips says there's a line of people waiting to get in to see him in the back. There's a ton of pressure being the boss and he's loving it. He wants every show to be as exciting and unpredictable as it can be. Therefore tonight the Intercontinental Title is on the line with Cody Rhodes challenging. With four matches on Summerslam shouldn't you save that one for Sunday?
Also it's Bryan vs. Del Rio in a MITB vs. MITB match. Just for pride though. Tonight Orton and Christian are in action also with Orton vs. Khali (surprisingly decent heat for his name) and Christian vs....someone that we'll find out in a bit because here's the champ. Josh reminds us that Christian said he has a big announcement/surprise. Christian says HHH should have called the champ given the circumstances. I would have except I don't give a crap.
Christian's surpsie is he's going to sue the WWE. He has medical documents saying that Orton has serious anger management issues. If Christian has to fight in a no holds barred match, the company is putting him in an unsafe working environment. He's been talking to the lawyers and if the stipulation isn't changed, he's filing a multimillion dollar lawsuit. He'll sue everyone from HHH to his kids to Johnny Ace (he's never called that but I don't want to keep typing Laurinitis) to every single fan that goes to Summerslam.
HHH says the match is still on. Christian has a contract with WWE, meaning he has a contract with HHH, meaning HHH is his boss. If Christian doesn't do as HHH says, as in compete in the matches HHH picks, Christian is in breach of contract, meaning he'll be fired and HHH will be taking that title back. Christian FREAKS, wanting to know why HHH is doing favors for Orton. That's....a really good question actually. HHH respects Orton and the fans like Orton but the fans don't like Christian because they don't respect him. HHH doesn't respect him either. Christian needs to earn it back by competing Sunday.
HHH tries to leave but 15 minutes for the segment isn't enough I guess. Christian says cut the music and says he gets the last say. Christian will earn it so you can forget the lawsuit. He'll beat Orton on Sunday but first let's get through this match that HHH has made for tonight. HHH says cool so here's Sheamus.
Sheamus vs. Christian
The bell rings after a break. You can't say they're feeding Sheamus small potatoes (he is Irish after all) in the early part of his face run. Christian has to hit and run to start and manages to send Sheamus to the floor. Sheamus goes to the post and is holding his shoulder. The pale one gets some kicks in and charges into the post, hitting the other shoulder.
Ok so it's the left arm that is hurt. Got it. Sheamus grabs the Irish Curse with the left arm but can't cover because it hurts. Powerslam gets two. Killswitch doesn't work as Sheamus punches Christian in the face. Love basic counters like that. Christian gos up which doesn't work but the High Cross is broken up also. Sheamus does that thing where Christian's feet are in the ring and his torso is between the top two ropes and he hammers in forearms to the chest.
He calls for the High Cross again for a better reaction but tries the kick instead. Christian hits the floor to avoid it and tries to leave which doesn't work either. High Cross doesn't work again and Christian gets a reverse guillotine. He tries to walk again and is up to the top of the stage at 7. And there's the countout at 5:56.
AJ/Kaitlyn vs. Beth Phoenix/Natalya
My prediction for this match: pain. The heels are now the D.O.D.: Divas of Doom. Which one is Butch and which is Simmons? Kaitlyn is the first piece of meat but she avoids a charge to bring in AJ. Booker says the heels remind him of Harlem Heat. I guess minus the skin color, blood relation, titles, gender, talent for one of them, longevity, talking ability and a host of other things. Anyway the Glam Slam ends AJ at 1:14.
Post match there's a beatdown with Kaitlyn being put in the Sharpshooter.
Sin Cara is back tonight. It's an FCW guy named Hunico under the match.
Ryder says the ratings are up because of him. Legacy comes in and Rhodes thanks Zack for the title shot. Teddy says it was his idea. Everyone but Teddy leaves and here's Aksana with the music again. Teddy says let's keep this professional. Sexual innuendo abounds but Teddy leaves, claiming car problems. Stick shift jokes are made and aren't that funny due to the images associated with Teddy Long being naked.
Booker is talking about biscuits and gravy. Could this be a secret alliance with Jesse and Festus???
Video on Mark Henry. He's strong don't you know?
Johnny Curtis is in the locker room and Mark Henry comes in. Henry is his debut opponent. Henry has a play on words for him: break a leg.
Sin Cara vs. Tyson Kidd
It's clearly not Sin Cara if you look at his body but it's close enough. The lights go out so it's ok for the most part. Cara hits a bit spinning cross body to the floor. Kidid gets a dropkick to the bad ribs and Cara is in trouble. Springboard cross body (more like a headbutt to the chest) gets two. Booker: Did you see that??? Cole: Yes, it's called television. Cara gets something like a rolling Samoan drop and then a slingshot hilo and a lionsault end this at 2:57. Not quite a squash but Cara was never in any real trouble.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Daniel Bryan
Both guys are in white here. Josh says there will be a cash in by Alberto tonight which Cole shoots down quickly. Cole is going off about Bryan's breakfast or something. Alberto works on the arm and Cole is already on my nerves. Now Booker is talking in an African accent. Josh THANKFULLY talks about being Mr. MITB to bring us back to anything resembling wrestling. Bryan fires off some kicks but Alberto kicks his head off with an enziguri.
Bryan knocks him to the floor and the suicide dive lands more on top of Del Rio than in his chest. Bryan goes up top for the missile dropkick but misses and the cross armbreaker ends this totally clean at 3:31. I certainly didn't see that coming and the results I saw said this was a long match. That's not exactly long.
Post match Barrett comes in for a beating. Wasteland leaves Bryan laying. It's mentioned that they're fighting at the PPV so we have a fifth match which helps things a lot.
Christian is sitting in the back and looks annoyed.
Intercontinental Title: Cody Rhodes vs. Ezekiel Jackson
Booker gets another bag and is annoyed again. Jackson uses power to take over but misses some elbows, allowing Cody to hit the floor. Back from a break with Rhodes hammering away. There's a chinlock which goes on way too long until Jackson gets up and rams him into the back. After a clothesline in the corner here are the slams. He gets the Rack position but Cody grabs the rope. Ted offers a distraction which doesn't work, letting Cody hit the Beautiful Disaster and Cross Rhodes gives us a new IC Champion at 4:34 shown of 8:04.
Post match Jackson gets bagged. He wakes up though and destroys DiBiase.
Cena vs. Punk recap video eats up a few minutes.
We run down the PPV card and there are only four matches announced, even though they said Barrett vs. Bryan was official earlier.
Orton talks about how he's tired of Christian trying to get him to slip up and break the rules. This Sunday there are no rules though. Orton talks about going to anger management classes and how he needs to not keep his anger inside. Therefore, he needs to let it out on Sunday. Oh and he'll RKO Khali.
Johnny Curtis vs. Mark Henry
Total squash, World's Strongest Slam, 55 seconds. We sat through a dozen bad puns for that? Wow.
Post match he sets for the Pillmanization but Sheamus makes the save since Curtis isn't on the future endeavored list. Sheamus calls Henry a whale and himself a shark. He wants to fight right now and Henry goes to the apron and then stops to give Curtis another World's Strongest Slam.
Randy Orton vs. Great Khali
Khali uses the power game to start which is about what you would expect in the opening minute. Orton gets some punches in but they don't do much. Out to the floor and Orton goes into the steps. The chop hits for two less than two minutes in. Time for the nerve hold to waste some time. Orton gets up and dropkicks Khali into the ropes, tying him up. Mahal gets taken down and Orton gets a regular DDT. RKO is countered by the vice grip which doesn't last long. Orton fires off some European uppercuts and gets a jumping RKO to end this at 4:32.
Post match Christian comes out and is very happy about the no holds barred match now. He says he has the best thing going today and says he's looking forward to the match. He smiles to end the show.
Results
Sheamus b. Christian via countout
Beth Phoenix/Natalya b. AJ/Kaitlyn Glam Slam to AJ
Sin Cara b. Tyson Kidd - Lionsault
Alberto Del Rio b. Daniel Bryan Cross Armbreaker
Cody Rhodes b. Ezekiel Jackson Cross Rhodes
Mark Henry b. Johnny Curtis World's Strongest Slam
Randy Orton b. Great Khali RKO
Saturday
ROH taped TV tonight. That's about it.
Sunday
Summerslam 2011
Date: August 14, 2011
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Booker T
It's the biggest party of the summer. Wait that was another ad campaign. It's Summerfest! No wait that's a Piven botch. It's Punk vs. Cena II. Well actually more like their 8th match but the second PPV main event. Seriously that's the extent of the hype for this show. There's also Christian vs. Orton V or whatever but that's really minor by comparison. There's also a mini concert because those have worked oh so well before right? Let's get to it.
The guitarist from Tool plays a rock version of the Star Spangled Banner. He's no Man Mountain Rock.
The opening video is about how we're in LA and LA is awesome. This is like the 4th year in a row it's been in LA. Might be three but still that's a ton. There's another video about how there's a domino effect in the Punk vs. Cena war. That Bright Lights Bigger City song is growing on me a bit.
Here's Miz to open the show and he'll be in a six man tag. He first has something to say. Why am I not surprised? He says he's returned to Summerslam and wants to thank the fans for insisting he competes tonight. Miz is cut off by Truth who talks about spiders. They start with the letter S, as does Summerslam. Singing also starts with an S and Cee Lo Green is singing tonight. You know what else starts with a C? CONSPIRACY!!! Del Rio cuts him off to save our sanity.
The Miz/Alberto Del Rio/R-Truth vs. Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio/John Morrison
Well they had to fill in the card with something. Del Rio gets a face reaction from the Hispanic heavy crowd. Kofi has white shorts now. Morrison, the hometown boy, gets NOTHING. We get a recap of Rey getting jumped by Miz on Monday. The rest of the feuds I think you know. The bell rings almost 15 minutes into the show. Miz vs. Kofi to start us off. There's a Miz is Awesome chant.
Big monkey flip and a dropkick put Miz down. Off to Morrison and we get double flapjacks/double nipups. Nice fast paced stuff to start so far. Off to Truth vs. Morrison and Truth isn't afraid anymore. There's the springboard spin kick (Moonlight Drive I think? It's the same one Cody uses for the most part) but it only gets two. The heels cheat (EVIL!) and send Morrison to the floor to shift momentum.
Off to Miz who hooks a chinlock which eats up some time. Morrison fights out of it with something resembling a Pele kick (ala AJ) and it's warm tag Kofi. That cross body is SWEET. Miz takes him down and every heel not named Alberto works him over. Time for Kofi to imitate a long haired blonde guy from the 80s who thought he could sing named Morton for a good while.
We're just waiting on the hot tag to Rey at this point. And yep there it is. The seated kick to Truth gets two. 619 is broken up and a second is as well. Rey makes up for that by hitting one to Truth and Miz at the same time. Everything breaks down and the faces all start diving like a broke boxer in Vegas. The ring is cleared and Rey hits the top rope splash on Truth for the pin at 9:30.
Johnny Ace demands a public apology from Punk for getting kicked in the head. Well Ace is certainly annoying already so he's doing his job. Punk mockingly apologizes and Ace leaves. Punk turns around and there's the still hot Stephanie. She says HHH, Cena and Vince have all wished him good luck. He kind of says she's brainless and she offers him a handshake anyway. I would but I know where that hand has been.
Recap of Henry vs. Sheamus which is basically about Sheamus being the only guy willing to fight Henry. That's still a cool moment.
Sheamus vs. Mark Henry
I can't imagine this going long. Sheamus gets in a few shots early on but then the beating begins. Henry hammers on Sheamus and we head to the floor where Henry gorilla presses Sheamus into the ring through the top and middle ropes. That was kind of awesome. Splash gets two. There's a backbreaker and now an over the shoulder body vice.
The pale one fights out of it and manages to take Henry down for a moment. Emphasis on the moment aspect though as Henry takes him down again. The Vader Bomb misses though and Sheamus starts his comeback. A flying axehandle puts him on the mat and Sheamus starts dropping some knees. He fires off the forearms to the chest when Henry is caught in the ropes.
Sheamus hits the ropes and they collide, sending both guys down for a few seconds. The Irishman hits a top rope shoulder block for two. The cord is of course hot here because it's LA and it's a wrestling town. Sheamus pounds his chest but the Brogue Kick misses. Henry tries the World's Strongest Slam but Sheamus counters and the Brogue Kick sends Henry to the floor. He's out cold and dead weight now. Naturally since Sheamus is a face now he goes after him and is rammed back first into the post and then through the barricade which explodes. It's a countout win by Henry at 9:20.
Christian is in the back with a big smile on his face. He has an insurance policy and the entire WWE is the beneficiary. Anything goes and we're in LA, which means the match is going to be like a summer blockbuster like Harry Potter. Well that's better than a Buff Blockbuster I guess. Oh Christian is Potter while Orton is Cowboys and Alience. I haven't seen that yet so I can't make a joke there.
Ad for some movie.
Time to kill off any momentum we had built up in the first 45 minutes with a performance by Cee Lo Green. Since one song wasn't enough, here's another with some dancing Divas. Well we've just lost 5 minutes of my life.
Divas Title: Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix
Eve and Nattie are here as seconds. Kelly looking good in the tiny shite shorts and Beth in the blue skirt thing. Kelly uses speed to take over and does her gymnastics stuff. I can't complain about an upskirt shot of Beth. Kelly dives off the middle rope to the floor. That looked decent. Beth remembers that she's Beth Phoenix and she's fighting Kelly Kelly so she gets a gorilla hot shot for two. Booker and Jerry as for a wardrobe malfunction. Off to a chinlock as Cole says he's turned off by Kelly over some photoshopping thing.
Beth hooks an over the shoulder backbreaker but Kelly escapes into a neckbreaker for two. Kelly gets put in the Tree of Woe but escapes via gymnastics. This is kind of stop and go match. Kelly gets all fired up and slams Beth's head into the mat a few times to come back. She looks spent though. Handspring elbow is caught into the Glam Slam and Kelly rolls through for the pin at 6:20. Yes, that just happened totally clean.
Stephanie comes out of Cena's locker room.
Jimmy freaking Hart of all people is with R-Truth and says he needs a manager. Truth realizes something: JIMMY IS LITTLE! HE'S LITTLE JIMMY!!! Truth scares him off and talks about the conspiracy, yelling at Ron Artest and his daughter who are just chilling in the back for no apparent reason.
Wade Barrett vs. Daniel Bryan
Mat stuff to start with Barrett in control. Booker talks about Bryan having his lunch today. We had breakfast talk on Friday and now this? Jerry calls Barrett a carnivore which is a decent enough line. SICK looking arm hold into a pin attempt by Bryan. Cole is way off tonight, calling Barrett the submission specialist and thinking Bryan was the carnivore Jerry was talking about.
Cross body gets two for Bryan. There's a dragon screw legwhip which has Dusty Rhodes freaking out I'm sure. Running dropkick in the corner gets two and it's surfboard time. Here come the kicks as Bryan channels his inner Rockette. Barrett gets a shot in and takes over again. This has been a match of varying streaks which is usually a formula for good stuff.
Barrett gets a slingshot (thing Blanchard) backbreaker for two and it's off to a chinlock. The British dude keeps expanding his arsenal with a flying forearm for two. Oh and Bryan has a much shorter haircut now. Barrett gets sent to the floor with a dropkick and a running knee square to the head. That looked SICK. Back inside now and the pumphandle slam is countered into more kicks. Bryan is speeding things up and taking over now.
HARD kicks to the chest but Barrett won't go down. Ok a big one to the head puts him down. I think he kicked the British out of him. Now Barrett takes over again and loads up Wasteland but Bryan elbows out of it and throws on the guillotine. That doesn't work and it's off to the LeBell Lock but Barrett makes the rope. I thought that was the end. This is getting some time too. They go up to the corner and Bryan gets crotched. Barrett gets a middle rope lariat to the crotched Bryan and now he loads Wasteland, which is enough for the clean pin at 11:45.
The California National Guard is here.
We recap Christian vs. Orton. Basically Christian played up Orton's anger management and got him to snap long enough to lose the title at Money in the Bank. Tonight it's no holds barred. And remember Christian has promised a surprise insurance policy.
The champ comes out first which is odd. He has a mic and says he's a man of his words. The insurance policy.....IS EDGE???? His haircut is a little weird but he looks about the same. A bit skinnier though which is expected. If I didn't have to hit the gym every day I certainly wouldn't.
Edge says that he'll never be able to wrestle again but he was happy when he left because he was able to pass the torch to Christian. He thought the first defense against Orton was unfair but then Christian started complaining a lot. Christian did win the title back but he did it by disqualification. Edge did a lot of weak things but he did it with style and was never boring.
He didn't hide behind suits and clipboards. No Edge you hid behind Vickie. Somewhere along the lines Christian became a disgrace to himself. Christian knows he's better than that but now he's just a whiner. With that, Edge leaves to a nice ovation. And heeeeeeeeere's Randy!
Smackdown World Title: Christian vs. Randy Orton
No holds barred remember. After some big match intros we're ready to go. Opening slugout is won by Orton and he hammers the Canadian down in the corner. Christian gets that reverse guillotine thing of his and a jumping back elbow (love that move) gets two. Back body drop sets up the Garvin Stomp and a knee drop for two. They have a ton of time here.
The psychology is working here because they've had like 5 matches beforehand to get each others' moves down, meaning the counters make a lot more sense. Elevated DDT is blocked into a backdrop to the floor. Orton loads up the table but the RKO is counter. Christian grabs the belt and heads into the crowd. The GM computer is there but it hasn't been used in weeks.
Orton catches him in the crowd and hammers away. Back to ringside now and Christian finds a kendo stick to pound on Orton. He chokes away and shouts a lot and gets two. Christian charges at him in the corner and gets rolled up into a VERY close two count. Spinebuster gets two for the champion. Orton fires off a dropkick to block a kendo stick shot from the middle rope.
Randy is bleeding from the mouth a bit. He starts his finishing sequence and there's the powerslam. Now he's got the stick but Christian gets his feet up to break that up. Middle rope dropkick is countered into a jackknife cover for two for Randy. Thesz Press takes Christian down but Christian counters into the Killswitch. That is countered into the backbreaker for two.
Orton grabs some tables from under the ring but Christian spears him into the railing. Cole recaps the show in case someone is flipping through the PPV channels and wants to see if they're watching the right show they bought I suppose. There's a table set up at ringside and one in the ring not set up. Orton superplexes Christian onto the unset table but might have hut his tailbone. It only gets two anyway.
The table is already broken but Orton puts it in the corner anyway. Yes slap a cracked table with some of the legs already broken. Nothing could go wrong with that idea. Christian counters the toss into it and hits the reverse DDT. He loads up the spear but Orton jumps over him. RKO is countered and we go back to the floor. Christian goes into the steps and does a nice flip over them.
Now Christian puts Orton's head into the steps so Randy is going to take a little nap now. Edge's former brother but now his best friend for life because kayfabe is more powerful than blood drills him with the monitor and I think he says RKO. Christian tries an RKO but Randy has fought the Undertaker a few times so he counters into the RKO of his own and both guys are down.
The fans say this is awesome and they're getting there. Back in the ring and Orton tries another RKO but Christian counters into the Killswitch for a LONG two. The fans thought it was over. The Spanish announcers are trying to get back on the air which is a funny visual. Christian has a chair now and make it a pair of them. It's Conchairto time but Christian spits on Orton and takes FOREVER, allowing Orton to get up and crack Christian with the chair. The Canadian goes to the apron and a running shot to the head sends Christian through the table.
Orton still isn't done as he throws everything he's got under the ring. There are steps, kendo sticks, garbage cans and the table that is still up in the corner. Christian is on the steps trying to get a breather. Orton puts his foot on the champ's head and tries a stomp but Christian moves. Powerslam puts Christian through the very end of the table, meaning the rest of it is still standing.
Now it's stick time and Christian's back takes a shot. The stick is already bent after two shots. There's an elevated DDT onto the can. It feels like they're just killing time for some reason. Orton goes into RKO mode onto the steps but Christian finds a kendo stick from somewhere. He tries to go off the ropes but jumps into an RKO on the steps, giving Orton his 9th world title at 24:36.
Video about Axxeess while they clear out the ring. There's a lot of anti-bullying stuff there too. There are some uh....celebrities here I guess they're called.
Stephanie is talking to HHH but we can't hear what's being said.
We recap Punk vs. Cena in the same video we've seen three or four times already. I think you get the idea of this already.
Raw World Title: John Cena vs. CM Punk
HHH is guest referee and it's champion vs. champion. This show has been very good so far but if this match is as good as it could be, it hits great. Cult of Personality is a sweet song. We go way old school with a weapons check. Punk is far more popular than Cena. Feeling out process to start. The jean shorts are officially classic. The dueling chants begin and it's totally domianted by Cena Sucks.
The feeling out process continues and John takes Punk to the mat almost in an amateur style. Now the fans think someone can't wrestle. This has nearly 40 minutes if need be so they can build very slowly. Cena grabs a chinlock but Punk grabs one of his own including a body vice. Booker is complaining about the technical stuff. Release fisherman's suplex gets two for John.
We're seven minutes into this and there hasn't been anything big yet. Then again it's not even 10:30 so it's not like they have to get going immediately. Punk in control and he drops a headbutt and it's back to the bodyvice. HHH has been pretty inconsequential so far. Cena tries the STF but Punk kicks him off. The crowd is all over Cena tonight. Dropkick knocks Cena off the apron.
Back inside and Punk gets in some kicks to the ribs. There's an Earthquake for two. Cena fights up but gets caught with a running knee to the head with him against the ropes. He falls onto the mat and fights up into You Can't See Me. Cena tries the STF but Punk counters into the hold called the Anaconda Vice (Koji Clutch) which is countered into a modified STF. Cole sounds bored out of his mind on the hold.
Punk counters into the real Anaconda Vice (called a keylock) but Cena counters into a Crossface (called a front facelock or something) but Punk gets a rope. Suicide dive takes both guys out. HHH starts the count and both guys are down at 9. Thankfully he stops the count and goes to get them, drawing a round of applause. He throws both guys back in and says let's go.
Both guys get up and it's time for the slugout. Cena grabs an AA attempt but Punk escapes, only to get taken down by a SWEET dropkick. There's the Shuffle but the AA is countered into a sunset flip which is countered into a jackknife cover which is countered into a backslide which is countered into a bridge and a kick to the head for two. AWESOME sequence!
GTS is countered and Cena hits a corner splash. Sitout powerslam gets two as this is getting awesome very quickly. Punk breaks up the top rope Fameasser with a running knee to the head (very popular move anymore) and a bulldog gets two. Punk tries the springboard clothesline but Cena counters into the STF but Punk grabs a rope. The fans are into it but they're waiting on the HHH stuff I think.
AA is countered into the GTS which is countered into the AA for two. Cena complains to HHH but HHH says it was two. Cena goes up and gets HUGE air on the Fameasser but misses, crashing into the mat and possibly hurting his leg. GTS gets two and Punk is stunned. Punk goes up but is very tired. With a point to the air he drops an elbow for two. That made me smile. Punk's face is great as he's shocked.
There's a Randy Savage chant which is the right idea. Cena grabs a rollup for two and Cena is all fired up. He punches away but Punk grabs a kick to the ribs and another knee to the head. GTS (hit the arm) gets three but Cena's foot is on the rope. Chant with me: DUSTY FINISH! The pin went down at 24:30.
Punk is all happy post match but won't shake HHH's hand. HHH holds the arm up and leaves. Of all people KEVIN NASH is in the ring and beats up Punk, leaving him laying with a Jackknife. IT'S ALBERTO!!!
Raw World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk
Running enziguri and Del Rio is champion!!!!!!! He celebrates and we're done. WOW.
Results
Rey Mysterio/John Morrison/Kofi Kingston b. Alberto Del Rio/R-Truth/The Miz Top Rope Splash to R-Truth
Mark Henry b. Sheamus via countout
Kelly Kelly b. Beth Phoenix Victory Roll
Wade Barrett b. Daniel Bryan Wasteland
Randy Orton b. Christian RKO onto the steps
CM Punk b. John Cena GTS
Alberto Del Rio b. CM Punk Running enziguri
Quick Results
Raw
John Cena b. Jack Swagger Attitude Adjustment
The Miz b. Kofi Kingston Skull Crushing Finale
CM Punk b. Alberto Del Rio GTS
Beth Phoenix b. Eve Torres Glam Slam
Alex Riley b. Dolph Ziggler via DQ when Vickie Guerrero interfered
NXT
Justin Gabriel b. Tyson Kidd 450
Darren Young b. Matt Striker Fireman's carry into a gutbuster
Titus O'Neil b. Derrick Bateman Pin after Bateman fell during a slam
Impact
Mickie James b. Madison Rayne Jumping DDT
Brian Kendrick b. Robbie E Sliced Bread #2
Beer Money b. AJ Styles/Rob Van Dam and D-Von/D'Angelo Dinero Fisherman's suplex to Dinero
Miss Tessmacher/Tara b. ODB/Jackie Rollup to Jackie
Crimson b. Scott Steiner, Bully Ray and Gunner Rollup to Gunner
Smackdown
Sheamus b. Christian via countout
Beth Phoenix/Natalya b. AJ/Kaitlyn Glam Slam to AJ
Sin Cara b. Tyson Kidd - Lionsault
Alberto Del Rio b. Daniel Bryan Cross Armbreaker
Cody Rhodes b. Ezekiel Jackson Cross Rhodes
Mark Henry b. Johnny Curtis World's Strongest Slam
Randy Orton b. Great Khali RKO
Summerslam 2011
Rey Mysterio/John Morrison/Kofi Kingston b. Alberto Del Rio/R-Truth/The Miz Top Rope Splash to R-Truth
Mark Henry b. Sheamus via countout
Kelly Kelly b. Beth Phoenix Victory Roll
Wade Barrett b. Daniel Bryan Wasteland
Randy Orton b. Christian RKO onto the steps
CM Punk b. John Cena GTS
Alberto Del Rio b. CM Punk Running enziguri